I am an otherwise attractive woman who weighs over 200 pounds and I love to travel. In the past I have been in beautiful/amazing places (the jungles of Guatemala, an island in Greece, the Carribean, etc.) and have been very uncomfortable with people's stares/responses to my weight. I love to swim in the ocean but often locals and/or other travellers look at me as if they are offended that I would dirty their beautiful view by showing my body in a bathing suit. Have any large woman travellers been in a culture/country where no one made them feel uncomfortable about their bodies and where you felt free to swim, frollick, walk around, without getting stared at all the time? I'd love to hear about it -- perhaps I'll visit there next. Also, it seems to me that the more Westernized otherwise accepting cultures become (i.e. the Mexican Carribean) and the more used to tourists, the more judgemental those cultures become too, importing standards about beauty that they probably didn't have. What do you think?
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Do you think we're going to fall for this one?!!?
Dora,
I don't have any helful advice I'm afraid, but just want to
offer support against people such as 'boz' who always feel
the need to but in and be hurtful.
May your travels be wonderful, wherever you go!
dora --
like gemma i don't have advice for you (although i have gotten a lot of stares for being tall) but i like your question and i hope someone out there has some good thoughts for ya.
Dear Dora,
At 5'2" and 90 kilos I am very Rubenesque to say the least
and of course my bulk is noticed especially in Asia where
everyone else seems to be super sylphlike!
I always have an attitude that people are always interested
in other people and I assume this is just genuine interest
and gentle amazement so I just laugh with people and say or
mime that I eat too much!...then we move on to more
interesting topics as the ice has been broken.
I have never felt people were unkind and I have swam and
enjoyed the beach and sun to the full. Maybe you should go
to Asia, after all Buddha wasn't slender either.
I have never felt any negative vibes about being overweight
- do you think you might be a little sensitive? Although I
must admit that I go around still( at 56) with rose coloured
glasses...so they would almost have to organise a
demonstration before I felt I was being discriminated
against. Maybe they are really admiring of your confidence
and joi de vivre?
Just go for it and live life to the full. A friendly smile
really works wonders.
I thank you for raising a sensitive and relevant topic,
especially for those who are overweight û a increasingly
common condition in North America. Certain cultures seem to
accept and even condone being overweight as a woman to a
greater extent. Have you travelled in any of them, e.g.,
Eastern Europe, India, some West African countries?
I once taught a class of 15 adult ESL students, one of whom
was a French Canadian female, very much overweight,
especially compared to the other students most of whom were
from Asian countries. However, I had never seen a woman with
such charm, vivacity, and an understanding of how to dress
stylishly and in good taste. She was by far the most
attractive woman in the class. Had she not been married, I
would have been the first in line to date her. I hope my
comments don't strike you as patronising as this is not my
intent.
Joy and others:
I do not recommend going to underdeveloped countries. To
many of the locals, obesity is a sign of gluttony. Many of
the common locals think that being fat means you are
immensely rich, being that you can eat and not have to work
(many think fat people are lazy). Of course people are
going to make judgements based on appearances. I suggest
European countries (Germany) or slavic (Norway, Finland)
perhaps Iceland. Very nice places and you will be warmly
received.
Dora, take no notice of the above posting. Four years ago
I visited Tibet. On more than one occasion Tibetan women
prodded and poked me. I responded with laughter. In
Vietnam three years ago a woman (egged on by her 'sisters'
in a marketplace) actually put her hands on my breasts -
they are rather large and no doubt the women were curious
as to their authenticity! In Laos, a man at a roadside
stall called me over and asked: why are you so fat? How
could I possibly take offence. I am fat. He was curious.
Each such incident is an ice breaker, a means of meeting a
few locals. We all laugh together. Conversation soon
follows. Joy is right - a smile works wonders. Remember,
it's what's inside that counts :-) Happy travelling.
Incidentally, I totally agree with your final comment re
judgemental western standards.....
I have to agree with Karim. I don't want the locals of
wherever I travel to to think I'm rich. I'm not. The only
reason I get to go travelling is because I can afford these
places. If I go to a food stall behind dora and the price
of a plate of Nasi Goreng doubles I won't be able to afford
to come back.
That is, if there's anything left!
As you are who you are, I would hope that you have the right
attitude to stand tall (and wide!!) in any location. It is
good for travellers such as yourself to visit new places not
only as an education for yourself, but to educate the
locals, if even with just your presence. As you come to
understand the ways of the local culture, the locals can
come to understand that visitors such as yourself can be
wonderful experiences as they learn about your personality
and background as well as your obesity sickness. In other
words, there are many facets of the traveller to discover:
some may sing, smoke, drink, play cards, have freckels or be
sick and overweight. It's all part of the reason we travel.
I like Wyn's story about the man in Laos asking why she is
so fat. I too have found that people in SE Asia generally
have no hesitation about making personal remarks about
people but they are in no way intended to be malicious. I
have often been asked why I have spots on my face (my
freckles), why my arms are so hairy and had people nudge
and giggle about my pot belly. I also travelled with a six
foot tall woman with short hair and everyone spent lots of
time openly discussing her gender and yes, some women did
try and feel her breasts to see if they were real. People
do it to each other all the time too. I learnt pretty
early not to be offended and just take it in the spirit in
which it is intended. Good luck on your travels.
I was so excited to see all of the responses to my posting. This is something I've never talked about and it is so great and inspiring to hear so much of what you all have to say. I especially appreciate Joy and wyn, you sharing your own experiences. You both sound delightful and like awesome travellers with a lot of grace and perspective. I also appreciate Catherine and Lawrence and Gemma's supportive comments. My fear is what Karim says (although I cannot afford to travel to the countries he mentioned and am also more personally interested in places such as those mentioned by Joy, wyn, Catherine, etc.) and I guess judging by several of the other responses I just need to recognize that I have a lot to offer and hold my head up. Michelle and Joelle, you two are just plain mean.
listen girl the bigger the better ,if an strong wind blow
by it won't knock us down ,better yet the finest man will
let go of miss skimpy and hold on to the woman he thought
he could'nt handle, an realize the bigger the better the
best. smile girl life is full of fun.
DEAR DORA,
SORRY TO HEAR YOUR STORY BUT YOU CAN DO SOMETHING
ABOUT IT. I AM BOWLEGGED AND THERE ISN'T ANYTHING I CAN DO
BUT WEAR PANTS ALL THE TIME. EVEN THAT DOSEN'T MEND MY
SENSITIVITY ABOUT MY LEGS. OTHERWISE, I'M ATTRACTIVE. SORTA
KINDA MAKES ME WISH I HAD YOUR PROBLEM!!!
You sound intelligent and down to earth, even if you are overweight, at least you're not stupid like me. I'm a complete idiot, a trait is often very hard to overcome for some people.
visit Fiji - just been for three wonderful weeks and I
loved it - better to get off the tourist trails and head
for the more rural Islands such as 'Matava' on Kadavu,
where people take you for who you are and not what you are
- Bula vinaka
I am also overweight, which I have always been - but never
quite this big. What I have found the most difficult thing
about travelling is that I am very uncomfortable. I have
been in Italy for the last couple of weeks, it is hot and
humid and I have been sweating since the day I got here. I
have never been so accutely aware of my size and I am sure
that I have noticed the stares because I am expecting them.
If I was thin, I guess I would think people were looking at
me because I have a beautiful face, which I do. My
solution...stop thinking about it and just concentrate on
all the wonderful experiences.
Karim...are you implying that 3rd world nations are not "very nice places"?????
It is so good that a subject like this is ventilated here. When me and my friend was travelling in India and Pakistan last summer we had some unexpected expirienses concerning our weight. I don┤t think that the people ment to be rude or anything but it sure felt so sometimes....
dora-
I was interested in your story and only had these comments to add. Don't be plagued by other people's insecurities and hang ups. If you get stares and jabs. Smile wide and flaunt it. I am not overweight, but I am also a woman living by western standards and I can appreciate the unrealistic standards that are often placed upon women. Whenever I catch myself saying " your getting fat you better stop eating those chips" I try to keep in mind that I would rather be happy with myself and having a little flab than constantly obsessing about my appearence. Fat, skinny or somewhere in between women have to stop trying to live up to unrealistic shallow societal standards. Wouldn't the world be a kinder place if people obsessed about the content of a person's character rather than their body fat ratio.
dora-
I was interested in your story and only had these comments to add. Don't be plagued by other people's insecurities and hang ups. If you get stares and jabs. Smile wide and flaunt it. I am not overweight, but I am also a woman living by western standards and I can appreciate the unrealistic standards that are often placed upon women. Whenever I catch myself saying " your getting fat you better stop eating those chips" I try to keep in mind that I would rather be happy with myself and having a little flab than constantly obsessing about my appearence. Fat, skinny or somewhere in between women have to stop trying to live up to unrealistic shallow societal standards. Wouldn't the world be a kinder place if people obsessed about the content of a person's character rather than their body fat ratio.
I wanted to write and say, first of all, congratulations
Dora on being able to face the problem that you are having
and still have fun with your life! I was one of those
people that would rather starve then look different from
what society wanted, but now I have finally come to that
point that I do not care what others think, beauty is
inside. My husband thinks I am beautiful, and I know that I
am, so the world no longer matters. I admire anybody who
found this happy place before me!! :)
In defense of Karim (re: KARIM??? Added by: eduardo), I
would like to say that there are a lot of countries that are
like that, but it is not that they are not nice people, it
is just a custom and way of life. Besides, many of them
cannot afford a lot of food, so even I, at 125 lbs., would
be looked upon as rather well fed. I have this knowledge
base from marrying a Persian. He is well learned in his
culture, and has taught me much. But right now I do not
think that your weight is the biggest concern when
travelling to those countries, it would rather be that you
are American!! There are a lot of warnings out right now.
Anyway, I wish you Godspeed in your travels!!
Dora,
I guess there are times that no one can understand or
accept women of size. I am a large woman, and know that I
am beautiful. I know that I am stared and made fun of to
the point that it hurts. I have to remember that there are
different strokes for different folks and no matter what
you cannot make every one in the world happy. A woman
would have to kill herself with yo yo diets if big
beautiful women believed in everything they see on
television or in print. I have learned not to put so much
pressure on myself to conform with society, and have
learned that nudist are more accepting, and not so inclined
to find flaws humorus. I wish we could take away colour,
fat, thin, not to smart and class everyone the way we will
be looked at in Heaven, whether we are good of heart, not
great in size.
Travel on sister, and remember "real men don't eat bones"
HEY! Lonely Planet is a good show!!!!!!!!! They should come
to Canada!
I spent two years in Morocco as a volunteer. One of the
comments I heard very frequently, was "You are so
beautiful! I wish I could be fat like you." Large bums
are considered sexy in some Arab lands.
First of all, I just wanna say shut up boz!! We don't need
comments that around here. (re. Message no.1)
And secondly, I know it's uncomfortable to be stared at and
stuff Dora, but I reckon that you should do what you dream
of doing! :-))
Dora,
Don't let the extra pound stop you from experiencing the
world! I'm also a very well-rounded girl, and find that
particularly in India and China the assumption made by
locals is that I'm fortunate enough to be very well fed, but
I've never encountered the judgemental attitude that I get
from people here in the US. I've also discovered that
sometimes stares are just curiosity about a newcomer, and
have nothing to do with my size (I'm also very
fair-skinned, and more often than not, that is the issue).
If you go to India, find a tailor and have some salwar
kameez made in your size (cost $10 or so), preferably in a
flamboyant fabric! You'll be cool, comfy, and in style!
First of all, Michelle and Joelle are simply bitches. Even
if they were gorgeous on the outside, I'm sure that their
souls/karma looks like an open sewer in Kathmandu - nobody
needs to say stuff like that!
I am a very hairy individual and before I realized why I
noticed that people were staring at me all over Thailand.
At one point when I was shirtless, a Thai women came up to
me and put her hand about two inches from my stomach. She
looked up at me as if to ask if it was ok. I still didn't
know exactly what I was agreeing to, but I nodded my head.
Once I did this she started rubbing my stomach and chest in
big circles with a big smile on her face then went back to
her friends and started giggling. Ever since then my friend
that was with me reminds me of how the locals thought that
I was his trained gorilla. I've also been called a giant
and asked if I'm a professional wrestler in Africa, I'm
5'10" and 200 lbs.
As far as I'm concerned, people are usually friendly and
pleasant, luckily there aren't too many Michelle and
Joelle's out there, and you just have to enjoy the novelty
of the situation.
I am writing to obtain information from fellow travellers
about Turkey. I am interested in going next March/April and
would hope to travel for 4-6 weeks. Is that a reasonable
amount of time to see and do alot? Are prices high? Is
camping/hiking in the backcountry safe? Can you climb Mt.
Aranat? Any information would be appreciated, hopefully as
recent as possible. Thanks
Dear Dora,
I was interested to read your letter. I was fortunate to
have spent an amazing two months traveling in the
islands of Fiji several years ago. While on the remote
island of Kadavu I made friends with a number of locals who
delighted in telling me that I was fat. I am an outdoor
sports enthausiast and run, hike and mt. bike regularly but
our culture has us so programmed to be paranoid about body
shape that I began to wonder if perhaps I hadn't put on
weight while traveling. I eventually asked an ex-pat
American who lived in Fiji what he thought. He explained to
me that in traditional Fijian society being fat is a good
thing and that these new friends of mine where actually
COMPLEMENTING me by telling me that I was fat!
The next time I was called fat, I took the time to explain
to my Fijian friends how body image in the west is
perceived, the crazy lengths that people will go to in order
to remain thin and that, to me, calling me fat was not
exactly a flattering thing. These amazingly beautiful, and
yes, fat, Fijian women looked at me with concern in their
eyes and one of them asked me "Honey, why do you live in
that crazy country?"
It's an unhealthy society we have created that doesn't
appreciate people the way they are. Enjoy your travels,
ignore the stares. I've just spent five years living and
traveling in Asia and you grow to realize that people stare
at what is unusual or unfamiliar to them--it's never
personal and often not meant to be offensive. Make the most
of an incredible opportunity--and try to get to Fiji one of
these days!
Don't cop out, fatty...go on a diet, and then maybe you
won't have to endure those stares. Or did you expect whole
societies to change without you having to put in any effort
at all? So cut down on the chocolates, cakes, pastries,
etc., and acquire some gumption!
Dora,
I recommend Samoa - spent a week there last year and had a
fantastic time. Samoans are all a good-sized lot, tall and
solidly built. Never felt uncomfortable due to my size, and
the stares and attention I attracted were quite flattering,
not negative. Enjoy!
Dora there are a lot of countries out there where fat is
beautiful. These include India, some arab countries and some
countries in Africa. BUT if you tried to go swimming in a
bathing suit around there you would be met with horrified
looks....not because of your size, but because uncovering
your body is taboo, so long skirts are a must. You wouldn't
beleieve how many tourists wonder why they are being given
contemptouos looks by the locals when they are wandering
around half naked!
Even within the USA the standards vary widely (no pun intended), so the only person we should be trying to please is ourselves. I'm overweight, and I'm working out alot, but the reason is for my overall health. I don't want to die at 60 from a heart attack. I love life, and enjoy my self with whatever my body shape has been. I just figure anyone that sees life the way i do will get along fine with me, and there are lots that do, and a few more that don't. That's ok.... it's a free world. Thank god!
Who do you think that you are? You don't have to judge
someone else like that. The ONLY thing important about a
person is the inside.
Well,interesting comments. Yes, Buddha is not slender.
What IS important to people...?I had thought that kindness,
humour, and respect had overcome the image of facile
shallowness. Be honest and interact with people with charm
and tact, and you can be what you want to be, and if that
happens to "be yourself", all the more power to you.
Cultural norms are not always kind, so just because everyone
thinks ...is okay, or not okay, one does not have to take
that cultural stuff on. Just note it, and continue with
your own philosophy, being careful not to harm anyone.
Jeez, I didn't really want to sound like a philosopher, but
there you go. Happy travels!
Being quite large myself I have found that the nasty looks
tend to come from the more westernized cultures as you have
observed. Try Egypt (Their most popular star is large and
300 lb women are a cultural ideal)> Most African countries
love big women (especially their hips) and the Moslem world
in general is the same. I have never felt judged in Latin
America, perhaps you are in too "touristed" venues. And
remember--looks can just imply curiosity. I had, at times,
literally hundreds of people staring at me in India and
asking how I got so healthy. Stares in Indic culture imply
interest. Lack of interest is rude. And what the hay? Look
mean. I'm not kidding. I've practiced a blistering look that
few people can withstand for long and they quicly avert
their eyes. I think rudeness feeds off vunerability. I
seldom enounter those stares.
As I was reading Dora's posting and the responses, I was
wondering where the lamentations of large MEN were. Only
women seemed to notice that they were being 'stared at'.
Maybe it's a by-product of our western culture that makes a
large woman think that the locals are looking at her
because of her size and not the fact that she's a visitor.
Beardog was the only man concerned with his appearance.
(please correct me if I'm wrong)
Hi , I am from India ...i would like to know if there are
any organised tours/treks to the NORTH of INDIA or NEPAL
(HIMALAYAN REGION ) towards the end of this year ..
1 dont really want to travel alone ...so anyone anywhere
planning a trip there please email me ..
thanks .
bhav_s@hotmail.com
COMMIT SUICIDE FATTY!!!!
FAT PIGS IN THE FORM OF HUMANS ARE REVOLTING (ESPECIALLY
THE FAT NIGGER CHICKS) GET OUT OF OUR SOCIETY!!!!
ANTARCTICA OR SIBERIA IS MY SUGGESTION FOR A TRAVELLING
DESTINATION.
i'm sure "oi" doesn't know what that means....couldn't and be so ignorant and intolerant...may god (hopefully a fat nigger chick) have mercy on your obvious lack of intelligence....
by the way, it disturbs me to see that some of our more generously proportioned women seem to think that the same kind of attitude to slim women is acceptable....if i'm not mistaken, there were some references to "bones"...
get the message...accept yourself, and you can accept others for who they are, not what they look like...
Maby, I must agree with the Taunter. Fat people are utterly
disgusting. They can do something about it. We should be
willing to help them with their problem. And it is a
problem. It should not be ignored by fat people like it has
been by so many posts on this subject. I used to be fat,
like over 300 pds. and now I weigh only 180. There was just
a time in my life when I had to face facts.
*
Adversely, I do think Oi! is way too far over the edge.
Fuck off, Oi, you stupid shit. Assholes like you make
people who are concerned about the well being of those who
are fat sound like assholes too.
A friend of mine is from England and 2 meters 20 cm tall. He
really liked Holland because nobody was staring at him or
making comments about his height. Probably it's the same for
fat people. It's a shame though that the weather is not that
nice in The Netherlands...
Honestly, I haven't done much traveling other than in the U.S., but I get the same thing. I am also overweight, and feel very self-conscious in a swimsuit. It used to bother me to the point of utter embarassment, but now I don't mind as much. Just ignore any ignorant people who will make weight an issue. After all, why should they care? As long as you feel good about yourself, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If you don't feel good about yourself, do something about it...anything that will boost your self esteem. I've just lost 30 lbs and I feel so much better already...and also you said that you're an attractive woman, so if someone can't see that because of your weight, don't worry about it. Just go and have fun :):):)
I travelled with two girls from NZ in Egypt. Both great. One
fat. One not. Obviously I fancied the "one not". But all the
Egyptian men fancied the "fat one". Great for me. Less
competition. Yet, I was still unsuccessful
About post #50. Are you saying all fat people should go to
America?
I once had a girlfriend, and she was fat. One day she just
opened my eyes. It was hot, and she was telling me she
went to the beach. I was surprised to hear that, because I
had actually taken it for a logical thing that because she
was fat, she wouldn't do that sort of a thing!! Her answer
was: "I'm hot, like everybody else. And I want a swim to
cool me off like everybody else. And also I love feeling
the hot sun on my body in between dives". I felt ashamed
having been trapped in the generalised opnion of the
masses". Now, I say, you go for it girl!! Sorry, I was ever
prejudiced, like most people out there.
- - -
When I spent some time in Nepal, trekking around the
Annapurna mountains, there was one really huge US fellow.
His face was purple and he sweated like a pig. He had
never, ever in his life walked before. At one of the tea-
shops, we had a chat, while he was recovering slowly from
his last half hour walk. He told us, how all his life he'd
been dreaming of doing this trip. And now he was there,
thing he never thought possible because of his weight. He
hadn't done any exercise before in his life, but the
excitement about the trip just got him up and going. It
was going slow, but he figured that for anybody who had
never walked before, it was hard. He suffered because of
the exercise he wasn't used to, but he had a ball. He
loved the country, the people, and the fact he actually did
this trip. And even though he got stares, and other people
talked about him, the end of the conversations always were
that damn, this guy had stamina. Good on him for going
anyways, for not listening to all the nasty negative
comments. One thing this guy could really do with, was
constructive criticism. And I think he got it too, plenty
of it. One of the hightlights of my trip there. One of the
people that make it unforgetfull!! So Dora, just get your
things and go. Follow your heart, do what you'd really
love to do!! Good on you girl!!
You sound lovely. I'd like to give you a big squeeze :)
Disregard Oi's reply he is a fucking skin head nazi
literally !!!
Question for ya Oi ? why are you even reading this. You
don't want to travel. If you ever left the white inbread
little town you grew up in, you'd make a world full of
enemies, and most likely get your ass kicked. You should
just continue to hang out at the liquor store with your
small minded friends, support each others fantasies of
superiority, and just forget the rest of the world exists.
It'll be better for your thimble sized mind.
I just came back from South America: talk about hassle over fatness: don't go there if it concerns you. Some examples:
*"Oye, gorda" (hey, fatty)- general form of address
*"muy gorda" (very fat)- general exclamation when walking down the street, often accompanied by pointing and staring. Sometimes touching/ attempts to do so.
*bus gets a puncture: bloke in the back says: "it's because of all the extra weight we're carrying", pointing to me.
*crossing a river on slippery stepping stones, didn't fall in. Got to the other side and a woman says: "with you being so fat I was sure you were going to fall in"
*in hammock on riverboat, woman says: I could get five of me in this hammock, you could only get two of you. Do you not wish you were thin like me?
*(same woman) how much did you pay for your fare on this boat? (I tell her)
Oh, me too. That's not fair. I should have got it cheaper because I'm much thinner and lighter than you, I'm going to complain.
And how do I feel about this? Well, I wish I could feel as positive and as happy about it as most of the people on this site. I actually feel ashamed, embarrased and defensive. Hearing something like this puts me on a downer for the rest of the day. I repond either with a snidey comment or a sarcastic thank you, but I wish it were never an issue and that I wasn't writing this now.
Travelling is such a rollercoaster of emotions anyway, I don't need this. So, what to do? take the advice of wankface back there and kill myself? I don't think so. Diet my way out? Maybe eventually, but there are so many tortured people out there on a cycle of food control paranoia: I just don't want to be part of that.
Suffer my size and the misery it brings? (enjoying it is not an issue. Laughing about it is also a bit of a strange reaction: am I becoming part of what tortures me or pretending to like it?)
I don't know. There are also the practical issues of cramped bus seats, unavailable big clothes, heat rash and sweating etc etc etc.
Does anyone have any advice beyond the two camps of: enjoy it or change it? Is there middle ground or is it one or the other? It makes me think twice about travelling again, though (a real shame because I like travelling).
Hi everyone,
I read your letters with interest and wondered if any of
you have a few minutes to help me with a research project
I'm doing. I have to do a presentation to convince people
that 'we live in a fattist society'.
Do you have any strong views on the media and its'
perpetuation of the myth that 'slim is beautiful'?
Have you had difficulties using amenities such as
air-line/cinema seating, turn-styles etc?
There is legislation to promote sex equality and anti-
racism; Do you think we need some protection from prejudism
in the work-place?
Does 'fattism' promote eating disorders?
These are just a few of the issues I will be considering, if
anyone has anything to say or feels they can help a little I
would be most grateful. You can e-mail me privately or
through the list.
Yours, Dawn xx
I am not really overweight--a few pounds---but I am over 6ft.
While I would not decide where to travel based soley on size,
and it seems as though most societies think thin is "in", I did
feel comfortable in Scandinavia, where many women where tall/big.
(not all, by any means. It is diverse)
My ethnic background is Swedish,
so it was a nice feeling to see women who "looked like me".
I stick out in the US being so tall, with a gaptooth grin and thin blond hair--but not there!
Not all Swedish women fit the "supermodel" stereotype, which was a nice suprise.
They also tend to have more open minded ideas in general, which helps.
The woman above who accepted her large size as something of a cultural curiousity
has a healthy outlook. They may be staring just as much out of curiosity as
anything else.
I could really relate to a lot of what you wrote about and I very much appreciate your perspective and the dose of reality about how really painful it can be to travel when you're big and how mean people can get and how that can't help but affect our experience travelling. Also, I think there probably are places where the intersection of tourism and cultural stereotypes and culture in general are going to be more favorable for not having the kinds of experiences you had on your trip. I think it's useful to exchange this information about this is where it was really hard for me, this is where it was ok, etc. I'm sorry -- some of what you experienced on your trip sounds really awful and I'm sorry that some people are so mean. Although I myself was really inspired by the comments of Joy and wyn and other folks and it made me realize that in some situations I can just laugh at myself or at others' responses and realize they're not intended maliciously, I think sometimes people can be really cruel about overweight people (especially women!!) and I would say to just take the support that's obviously out there from people having similar experiences (a lot of posts about my post have been really helpful for me) and realize that these people are jerks who can't be getting nearly enough out of life if that's the way they're walking through it. Also, if you have access to the American magazine "Radiance" (they also have a web site), they have an article this month with some really great, witty comebacks to folks viciousness and cruelty about weight. Anyway, thank you for bringing the real pain and hurt of this issue here and I wish you the best of luck in your life and in future travels. Stay strong!
Normally I'm quick to judge and slow to change. I usually
look at fat people and think "they have a real problem".
Perhaps instead its a problem of perception - mine!
Thanks Dora. Take Care of yourself now!
Hi Dora...my suggestion is simple.....TONGA. I'm 250lb and
recently, reluctantly, travelled there with a slim friend.
What a surprise, and a great feeling, to be almost
worshipped. I returned home feeling absolutely beautiful
and there's nobody going to take that away!
To be honest I was thinking the same thing about my coming
trip to thailand. I am a big woman to. In my day to dat life
that isn't a issue at all. I've been very resoursfull in
finding solutions te fit in my suroundings. What i've notced
during my life (i've allways been fat and always will be )
that the way you think about yourself reflexes to other
people. I try (with succes) to dress comfortible but also
tastfull. So no comment can be made because of that. I've
not always been as happy with my figure as at this moment
but I think it had more to do with finding my self in stead
of my weight. Coming back to Thailand.... my worries are
more about offending people there with my appearance. The
Thai are so small, gracefully and tiny that I expect them to
be shocked by seeing me. What i am afraid of what i will be
symbolising the capitalist who is taking advantage of their
poor circomstances. Is this stupid?
Reading all these letters telling that fatness is a problem
and not the way I look
Couldn't resist answering Annie's letter above.
I am going back to Thailand and Laos and Cambodia this
January and I believe that your fears are totally unfounded.
Our perceptions are our own responsibility. When I look at a
glass half-filled with water I always see it as half full.
It is equally valid to look at the same glass of water and
see it half empty. I reckon it is better to be optimistic
and others can lift themselves up to our positive
expectations!!! This technique works all the time. Life is
too precious to waste time worrying about what might happen
or what you think people might say. Accentuate the positive
and always assume the very best of people. Enjoy Thailand
and its culture to the full. If you want to comparenotes
just e-mail me. Happy travelling.
Damn Woman if you that fat how the hell you fit on the plane
You should stay inside where nobody can see your fat ass,
Your so fat you could make your own country, get people to
pay to stay on nipple island. Why bother traveling when
theres so much of your body you havent yet seen . ?
Fat people should pay twice the fare for taking up so much room. There is no need to be fat in this day and age.
(please excuse my english...)
hey...
I'm from Israel and I think I have a suggestion for you...
Although up here I think you'll get the same kind of
unpleasant attitude I think you might want to try
traveling in middle-eastern countries (especialy Egypt).
After traveling there (especialy in the Sinai desert) with
a girlfriend of mine who is very big, I came to realize how
culture influences concepts like attractive, good looking
etc.
However, keep in mind that in these coutries "woman's lib"
isn't very developed (for example someone offered me 20
camels in exchange for my girlfriend).
Anyway... its just a thought.
bye...
P.S. DON'T LET THEM GET YOU DOWN!!! :)
First; to the negative people: do you know women are dying
trying to keep themselves thin? Heard of anorexia or
bulemia? I'm 5'11" and about 220 lbs and fought my weight
for the first 30 years of my life. I eat less than many of
my friends but have a slower, more thorough metabolism.
Therefore I have to starve myself to lose weight.( I won't
anymore.) Mexico is fine with large women in Puerta
Vallarta, Progresso Beach north of Merida, Mazatlan, and
for some reason, I usually lose weight in Mexico. No, not
because of the food(I love it); but because of climate??
As a thin male, I can't really comment on Dora's
experiences, but I'm glad to see she's making the best of
what must be a difficult situation.
For me, fat is a product of western culture: a lifestyle
concerned mainly with consumption, physical inactivity and
sugar/fat diets designed to make large profits for food
companies. People like Dora are victims of this culture.
The US is the main powerhouse for forcibly exporting this
culture to the rest of the world, which I find extremely
offensive, both while at home in the UK, and on my travels.
The overweight tourist is a powerful symbol of this
cultural imperialsm, and so can be offensive for those, like
me, who don't like having US culture rammed down our throats
all the time.
For non-westerners, the contrast between US films/adverts
etc shown in poor countries and real Americans must be weird
to say the least. For others who can barely afford to feed
themselves, the sight of someone so overfed must be
offensive. All of this is bound to add up to
curious/hostile staring, particularly if you wear a bathing
suit where it is culturally inappropriate to do so.
As a thin European tourist I can't really claim any moral
high ground over a fat American one, nor do I wish to offend
Dora, who seems very nice. However, like it or not, our
bodies are products of our culture, and those who find our
cultures offensive/interesting/bizarre will inevitably
react to our bodies accordingly. This will sometimes cause
problems for individuals who are not responsible for the
culture they represent.
Regards,
Peter
I am shocked and horrified by the negative comments. God
grow up! If you think your funny - you're not! It is
senseless and harmfull to talk like that. You don't
understand or know where this or any other person is coming
from, and to pass judgement only makes you seem like a
compleely uneducated jackass! Maybe you should read the
book Emotional Quotient to understand that empathy (walking
in anothers shoes) is defined as intelligence. Probably you
people have been judged in some way and feel inadequeate so
you put down others. What you give out you get back ten
fold!