Lucy's Desktop Pictures @ The Apple Collection

Here's my top 26 things you'll never hear an Engineer say...

1.Debug code developed 4 years ago for a rush project with absolutely no documentation? Love to!
2.More documentation? Love to!
3.Why would anyone who spends every day of the week working on a computer want to spend any of their free time playing computer games?
4.Join in a Quake game? No thanks, I'm leaving early to spend some quality time with my friends and family.
5.Please - not pizza again.
6.Who wrote this? I've never seen such clean code! It should take me no time at all to debug it.
7.I'm really more of a morning person myself.
8.I'd really like to work in a big corporate environment where I can wear all of my favorite ties.
9.Microsoft - all the tools and support you'll ever need.
10.I really don't know the answer to that question.
11.From a network guy - No I'm sure it's not an application issue - I probably just haven't segmented the LAN correctly - I'll get right on that.
12.From a developer - I have complete confidence in the network so why don't I just take a look at my code.
13. It's too simple, need more tables.
14. This field name is too descriptive, we love mystery here.
15. Please let me copy those 800MB source files over the network with my 32MB of RAM machine.
16. Yeah, give administrator permissions to EVERYBODY.
17. It will be done before deadline, under budget and with the extra features you wanted.
18. Oh, wow, more reports!!! WooHoo!!!
19. Data integrity?!?!? we don't need no stinky data integrity.
20. Go ahead, put that zip code in the Street name field.
21. We can always manually correct all those bad entries.
22. There's no real difference between Text Strings and Numbers, it's all zeros and ones after all...
23. Hey! I met the deadline! Woohoo!
24. Please let me wear a shirt and tie to work... I hate flip-flops.
25. Can you make a last minute change to the data structure. I like pressure.
26. Hey, call Microsoft! I bet they have the answer!

Technology for Country Folk.

1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.
19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"
24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

Top Five Reasons Why Computers Must Be Female

5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message, "Bad command or filename" , is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Windows 95 Definition
Windows 95 (win'doz nin'ti fiv) n.

32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a

16 bit patch to an

8 bit operating system originally coded for a

4 bit microprocessor, written by a

2 bit company, that can't stand

1 bit of competition.

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (really form the Associated Press)

Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with here yes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is blonde.

You know you are a Mac addict when...

You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn'thave a computer.

Your family always knows where you are.

A boy was crossing the road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."