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1995-08-27
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54
17
Mistigris Productions . Pack 08/95 . Kithe Number Eight . We are NOT fish! .
Kithe#8 Coded by Questor
Mistigris 1995
&&Introduction
About the music
Birthdays!
Business et al
MiNTERNET
Mist News
Mr. Gris
&&
&&Articles 1
I. ASCii Warz
II. ASCii Warz
III. ASCii Warz
Lit? EASY?
&&
&&Articles 2
More lameness
Hard and Grey?
Or poetry?
Rhyme Time!
&&
&&Articles 3
1. Mr. Paranoia
2. Mr. Paranoia
3. Mr. Paranoia
sEPERATORs
&&
&&Members/Sites
Member Listings
Site Listings
&&
%%I.
Cthulu and company
ASCii WARZ! PART ONE!
This month we feature depravity from Mayo, Krooklynn, AgoraNet a
ACnd TABNet.
Due to the excessive amount of these, I'm afraid a few may be mi
ACscredited.
Alas...
...
HOW steep is that skateboard ramp?
SO> but its really cool
QU>
QU> how steeps the incline?
SO>
SO> VERY steep.
SO>
SO>
" _/ "
SO>
SO> steeper that that angle up there =)
MA>
MA> Is it steeper then:
MA>
MA>
" \ "
MA>
"______\"
SO>
SO> well.. which was is out.. I'll draw it
SO>
||
SO>
| |oo|
AC |
SO>
| | >| <--me!!!
AC |
SO>
\ \_\/__/
AC /
SO>
\ |
AC /
SO>
\ / \
AC /
SO>
\ __| |__
AC/
SO>
\ oooo oooo /
SO>
\___________________________________________/
SO>
SO> woo
SO>
SO> Its bigger than pictured
...
Who needs to see the Power Rangers movie?
SS> y0 Bitch! Check this out.
ODB> yo bitch, check THIS out.
ODB>
ODB>
0
ODB>
| o
ODB>
/ - I-
ODB>
/|
ODB>
ODB> its a kungfu fight. the guy jumping only has one leg and no
AC arms, but he
ODB> is a master at the no armed, one legged, 2 horned, austral
ACian sloth
ODB> style and this only means the demise of his fully limbed fo
ACe. Tune in
ODB> next time, naw forget it.
ODB>
ODB> odb
SOI> jeah?
SOI>
SOI>
0.' o
SOI>
/~--<- I-
SOI>
/|
SOI>
ODB>
ODB>
/-----\
ODB>
| -- -- |
ODB>
s| U |s
ODB>
| / \ |
ODB>
\______/
ODB>
|
ODB>
/--|___/-
ODB>
|
ODB>
|
ODB>
/\
ODB>
/ \
ODB>
- -
ODB>
ODB> rae wu kwon. master of the guatemalan 4 whisker speckle
AC toed gecko style.
ODB> dont even think of stepping.
ODB>
ODB> odb
KC> Awaiting Eternity
KC> 604-263-4115
KC> Just art...
KC> Just call.. =)
ODB>
ODB> ill hook you up...here..
ODB>
ODB>
_______________
ODB>
/ \
ODB>
/ \
ODB>
| /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ |
ODB>
| o O |
ODB>
) o |
ODB>
( | _______ |
ODB>
___/ | |
ODB>
/ ----------------------
ODB>
|
ODB>
(.) (.)
ODB>
oo
ODB>
oo
ODB>
/\
ODB>
/ \ AWAITING ETERNITY!!!
AC 604-263-4115
ODB> all ascii of some thick dude showing the no armed, big
ACpecs and a sixpack,
AC ODB> er.. make that fourpack spider monkey style, is (c
AC), R, and TM odb 95.
ODB>
ODB> there you go man, free...
...
Who is more anal, PoD or Soi?
SOI> prince of death is so anal.
POD> no no no this is YOU!
POD>
POD>
POD>
▓▓▓▓
POD>
▓ oo ▓
POD>
\__/ /Fucking cum out.. shit!
POD>
/ \
POD>
/ / \ \
POD>
\ \ / /
POD>
\ /
POD>
|| -2 inches
POD>
||
POD>
_||_
POD>
\__/
POD>
POD>
░
POD>
▒ ░
POD>
▓ ▒
POD>
█ ▓
POD>
█
POD>
POD> =)
...
What's the difference between a piece of shit and a vibrator?
SOI>
_
SOI>
/ /
SOI>
/ /
SOI>
/ /
SOI>
/ /
SOI>
o./ /.
SOI>
/-/-'
SOI>
/-/
SOI>
'''
SOI>
POD> That looks like a piece of shit to me
SOI> ... thanks
CT>
CT> Actually, I think it looks more like a vibrator...
...
I never knew flowers could smile... well, except for tulips...
SS>
<g>--`---,---
SS>
SS> bwahahaha! shitty ascii visual puns!
RM>
RM> Is that a smiley-rose?
RM>
SS> Give the man a cigar, or joint.
...
These emoticons are getting out of hand...
SS>
>g<
<---- what's that? another pun, a flying g
ACargoyle type thing, and a
SS> grin.
DP>
:W
<--- what the hell is that?
DP>
DP> A ripped lip?
CT> I'm still abstaining.....
8)
<-(what the hell is
ACthat anyways)
MA> Thats Cthulu's sorry excuse for a bug eyes smiley. =)
GR> hehehehe... ok.... bug eyes.. thought maybe he had glas
ACses on or
GR> something... ?
GR>
GR>
(▄ ▄)
GR>
╘╩╛
GR> Maybe it is a glasses smiley.. I duno.. I think it l
ACooks like Nermal
GR> the cat in Garfield, because it has big round eyes .. 8)
MA>
MA>
MA> Well thats a nice one... Uhm, bull right?
...
This is what you get for having the most affils... subliminal me
ACssages.
A> well if you had em at the same fucking time.. then you wi
ACn :P
A>
ODB>
ODB> cool. im the affilz champ. ive always dreamed of the day
AC i would
ODB> finally be bestowed with the crown...:)
ODB>
ODB>
+
ODB>
+ / \ +
ODB>
| o O o |
ODB>
\__________/
<--- the crown
ODB>
()
ODB>
||-
<--- me showing my o
ACne armed crown style
ODB>
/\
ODB>
ODB> w0rd.
SOI>
/\
SOI>
||-
<--- me showing my one
ACarmed crown style
SOI>
()
SOI>
\__________/
<--- the crown
SOI>
| o O o |
SOI>
+ / \ +
SOI>
+
SOI>
SOI>... ooo, upsidown.. looks.. nevermind.
ODB> only you would think of that, jeremass. bUDDA fIST sTYLE.
SOI>
SOI> mmMMMmmm.. buddah style?
SOI>
SOI>
oOOOoo
SOI>
oO * *oo
SOI>
. . .
SOI>
| |.|_|.
SOI>
^ (___/
SOI>
SOI>
SOI> there.. buddah fist style.
SOI>
...
He's a maniac.. maniac on the floor...
ODB> shit, i just deleted the stuff he gave me before he joi
ACned, ill get you
ODB> his new shit tho. he rules. disco ball disco ball disco bal
ACl.
ODB>
ODB>
||
ODB>
||
ODB>
__||__
ODB>
/ \
ODB>
| X |
ODB>
| |
ODB>
\________/
the x is a lil' shine
AC. now everyone dance.
ODB>
ODB> odb
TW>
TW>
TW>
o
TW>
-|-
TW>
/\
TW>
TW>
O
TW>
\|/
TW>
/\
TW>
TW>
shimSHIMMYyallSHIMMYyoSHIMMYyay
SOI>
SOI> lets do the robot!
SOI>
O
SOI>
---^-
SOI>
/ \
SOI>
POD> aScii peoples roolz....
POD>
POD>
@O@
POD>
/|\
POD>
| |
POD>
---
POD>
| \
POD>
POD>
POD> DaPimpin big eared mutha!
...
Leading rats through mazes, hamsters... same thing...
ODB> fax me one. i got a mad habitrail thing with all sortsa
AC pipes and tubes an
AC ODB> boxes and fun stuff for the zTERz. jeah.
SOI> you mean the ones that look like this?
SOI>
SOI>
___________
SOI>
| |
SOI>
| __ |
SOI>
| / \
SOI>
|_______\ \
SOI>
\ \___
SOI>
\ ____()
SOI>
/ /
SOI>
/**/
SOI>
SOI> see.. if they go down that tube, the die and fall down,
AC and if they go
SOI> sideways, they get to roam free and bite through your wires
AC.
ODB>
ODB>
_/
ODB>
|_|
<== the abridged version
...
We're really just showing our age here... but not our maturity..
AC.
CT> Or Jones in the Fast Lane?
SOI> oh god.. i remember that game. it just.. ruled :)
SOI> do dee do do doo doo.
SOI>
__
SOI>
(oO)
SOI>
^^
SOI>
SOI> thats one of the characters!
POD> that kinda looks like a ninja kitty..
SOI> you don't KNOW the power of a ninja kitty.
SOI>
SOI> ninja kitty attack!
SOI>
__
SOI>
.^(oO)^.
SOI>
/__|_\
SOI>
SOI> grrr..
...
Almost as good as Asian Knight's hairy middle finger!
POD> and well the pentagon was super lame.. but they had thi
ACs ansi of this
POD> druid guy.. man it is like one of the best I have ever seen
AC....
POD> ...snicker... right soi?..
SOI> yeah, it was pretty whack.. it was done by some guy named c
AChill. he could
SOI> have been in acid.. but it wasn't around then..
SOI>
SOI>
o_
SOI>
/ \\
SOI>
\ \|
SOI>
// oO \/
SOI>
\_ /---__
SOI>
/ _ /-. / /
SOI>
/_/ _/ /
SOI>
(__)---/
SOI>
/ /
SOI>
---------
SOI>
'. .'
SOI>
( )
SOI>
(_________)
SOI>
SOI> replica of the ansi!
...
From an innocent discussion about restaurants to the sex life of
AC cats... ew..
DE> Cactus Club rules!
POD> oh, you mean the ones with the funky cows?
POD>
POD>
|\
POD>
| \___/|
POD>
> o O <
POD>
(_ . . )
POD>
/ /
POD>
POD> yes, i do realize it looks more like a cat.
POD> w0rd.
SOI>
SOI> see.. but i hate cats cuz look
SOI>
_
SOI>
|/|
SOI>
|\|
<- tail
SOI>
.--|/|--.
SOI>
| -O- |
<- buttox
SOI>
| |---| |
SOI>
|_|o |_|o
<- legs
SOI>
SOI> order now and get conversational klingon FREE!
SOI> oh, cats have their tails in the air, showing off their ana
ACl regions.
POD> I am still trying to figure what way that cat is facing....
SOI> you can't see his head
POD> umm and jeremy that is sick..
SOI> meow.
TW>
TW> i read in a book, that cats have barbed dicks so it hurts wh
ACen they have
TW> sex.. interesting? didn't think so. its like, got little bar
ACbs
TW>
_
TW>
\| |/
TW>
\| |/
TW>
\| |/
TW>
\| |/
TW>
TW> i doubt the barbs are that big.. but still..
TW> eww.
...
to be cont'd...
...
%%
%%II.
Cthulu and company
ASCii WARS! PART 2!
From the bouncy room at Playland to national TV... wow.
ODB>
▄▄▄ ▄▄▄
ODB>
▀▄ ▀▄▀▀▀▀▀▄▀ ▄▀
ODB>
█ █ ▄ ▄ █ █
AC THE END IS NEAR!!!
ODB>
█ █
ODB>
█ █
ODB>
▄▄▀▀ █ ▀ ▀ █ ▀▀▄▄
ODB>
▄▄▀▀ ▀▄▄▄▄▄▀ ▀
AC▀▄▄
ODB>
▄▄▀▀
AC ▀▀▄▄
ODB>
▄▄▄ █▀▀
AC mr
█▄▀▀▀▄▄
ODB>
▄▀▀ ▀▀▌
o-|
AC--< sinister
▐ ▀▌
ODB>
▐ ▌
pOd
AC
▐ ▌
ODB>
▐ ▌ 0
AC ▐ ▌
ODB>
▐ ▌ -|-
AC ▐ ▌
ODB>
▐ ▌ ▄▄▄▄ / \ ▄▄▄ ▄▄▄ ▄
AC▄▄ ▐ ▌o
ODB>
█ █ ▄▀▀ ▀▀▄▀▀ ▀▀▄▀▀ ▀▀▄▀▀ ▀▀
AC▄ █ ▌d
ODB>
█ █ ▄▄
AC █ ▌b
ODB>
█ █ ▀▄▄▀ ▀
AC █ ▌
ODB>
▀▀▀▀▄▄▄▄▀ ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
AC▄▄▄▄▄ ▄▀
ODB>
AC ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
ODB> da mad bouce house.
ODB>
ODB> damn, it fucked up. ohwell. its the bounce house.
POD> yeah I used to love that place.... you know those bowling t
AChings.. that
POD> gave you tickes.... well if you pulled the tickets slow enu
ACff you could
POD> get like a billion of them.. and get the best stupid's toy
ACthat those
POD> tickets could buy... but when they fixed it I took mah busi
ACness
POD> elsewhere =)...
ODB> jeah, what ere those things called? shit...ill draw one of
ACem.
ODB>
ODB>
_______________________
ODB>
| _____________ |
ODB>
| | | |
ODB>
| | 5 0 pts | |
ODB>
| --------------- |
ODB>
\_______________________/
ODB>
| __________ |
ODB>
| / 10 \ |
ODB>
| / /-----\ \ |
ODB>
| / | 20 | \ |
ODB>
|/ | /---\ | \
ODB>
|\ | | 30 || |
ODB>
| \
AC anyways, you get the
ODB> idea. the scoreboard was on top, then then holes there you
AC flinged em
ODB> into, but they went to 50, then a little alleyway, with a
ACramp on the
ODB> end, and then something that looked like this on the side:
ODB>
ODB>
__
ODB>
|o|
ODB>
|o|
ODB>
|o|
ODB>
|o|
ODB>
|_|
ODB> and the balls rolled into there when you put in your t
ACOKEN. :) those
ODB> things ruled.
ODB>
ODB> odb
SOI> that looks like a lemonade drink or some milk
TW> where you could drown in a sea of plastic balls
POD> i bet you odb steals those plastic balls
POD>
POD>
_
POD>
__ (_)
POD>
(__)
POD>
POD> and now, there all -dISCo- ballz.
TW> hehe.. i was in Lake Tahoe one summer and i was playing one
ACof those games,
AC TW> and the machine gave me like a million (until the r
ACole of them came out)
TW> too bad i didn't get like 4 million, i woulda got a tv
SOI> ARE YOU SERIOUS!? geez.. probably an old one like this
SOI>
SOI>
____________________
SOI>
| __________ --- O |
SOI>
| | stu is | ----- |
SOI>
| | ! elite | -soi- |
SOI>
| |__________|__ oO8 |
SOI>
|__|__|__|__|__|_____|
SOI>
TW> no, it was like this
TW>
TW>
_________________
TW>
| ____________ |
TW>
| ( ) |
TW>
| | | |
TW>
| | soi..gay? | |
TW>
| |on the next | |
TW>
| | O P R A H | |
TW>
| ------------- |
TW>
------------------
TW>
SOI> but i AM gay!
POD> haha... wheres the vcr so I can record it!?
TW>
TW> right here
TW>
TW>
___________________
TW>
|shit brand _____ |
TW>
| ooooooo <_____>|
TW>
-------------------
TW>
POD> naw man that is tooo cheap... I wanna nice sony vcR!
SOI> yeah?
SOI>
SOI>
______________________
SOI>
| __________ __ __ |
SOI>
|_|__________|_ppp(__)_|
SOI>
SOI> looks something like tat
SOI> now that is a vCr!~!
...
And now for a token afro.
oh yeah??
_____
/ \
( )
\ /
/---\
|(oO)|
| @ |
| ***|
\ /
afrO!
...
Sex... tv... why not have a bit of chatter about sports while we
AC're at it?
ODB> word. im gonna join the leafs. i bet their mascot guy looks
AC pretty dumb,
ODB> eh?
ODB>
/\
ODB>
\/ o0 \/
ODB>
|_ - | - im a leaf. step.
ODB>
/ \
ODB>
----|____\
ODB>
ODB> odb[dysclexico]
...
Happy Birthday Zinnia Rock, Coyote, Tzeentch and Candide!
ZR> LISTEN UP MUTHAFUCKAZZZ!!! It's my birthday!!!
ET> Good lord! You too!
ET> Was everyone born at the same time or something!??!
ET> Agg, so many birthday cupcakes... so little time....
ET>
ET>
------
ET>
\
-Make a wish!-
ET>
(O|
ET>
|
ET>
) .*
ET>
|_ - - |
ET>
_( - - |
ET>
____/ - -------
ET>
/. . . \
HAPPY BI
ACRTHDAY!!
ET>
| . . |
ET>
|||||||||||
ET>
|||||||||
CO> I got a
CO> "displayed on user's birthday"
CO> screen today!
CO> It's so great to know that you guys CARE...
ET> Are you trying to tell us something there? =)
ET> Well, you deserve a belated birthday cupcake...
ET> B
ET> I
ET>
&
H R
ET>
|
A T
ET>
------------
P H
ET>
/ . . . \
P D
ET>
/ . . \
Y A
ET>
||||||||||||||||||
Y
ET>
||||||||||||||||||
!
ET>
||||||||||||||||
ET> Let's see if I can get at least one birthday on time...
ACalthough by the tim
ACeET> you get this message it will be time for your next
ACbirthday! =)
ET>
ET>
& &
ET>
| |
HAP
ACPY 18th BIRTHDAY
ET>
| |
AC JAMU!
ET>
-----------------
ET>
/ . . . \
ET>
|||||||||||||||||||||||
ET>
|||||||||||||||||||||
ET>
|||||||||||||||||||||
ET>
|||||||||||||||||||
ET>
|||||||||||||||||||
(h
ACeh, be nice and pass on one
AC ET>
AC of those candles to Shuki =)
AC
TZ> i got back from camping yesterday and wasn't able to call yo
ACu to wish you
TZ> the bestest of birthdays... i just called you 32 seconds ago
AC but no one
TZ> answered... so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
TZ>
____
TZ>
)__(
TZ>
/(oo)\ /\
TZ>
\^^/\ /\ / \
TZ>
--\ \ / \ / \
TZ>
** \ / \ / /\ \
TZ>
\ \/ / \_ \
TZ>
/\ / / \_\
TZ>
/ / /\ \\ \\
TZ>
_/ / / \ /\\ -\
TZ>
//// / \/\ \\
TZ>
_/ / / / //
TZ>
///\ _/ / /_(
<-- the hap
ACpy birthday(c) dragon
TZ>
//// ////
...
It's not in the cards... I need more money...
ZR>If you could learn anything, what would it be?
CT> the art of the gypsy. dancing, palmistry, dancing bears, the
AC whole shebang.
AC BE>
_________ _________ _________
BE>
I DEATH I I DEATH I I DEATH I
BE>
I '\o I I '\o I I '\o I
BE>
I I\ I I I\ I I I\ I
BE>
I ^ I I ^ I I ^ I
BE>
I DEATH I I DEATH I I DEATH I
BE>
------- ------- -------
BE>
BE> uh oh..
...
My quilt has little fishies on it...
ODB> naw, they got like diamonds and squares and bullshit, nothi
ACng to get
ODB> excited over. they keep me warm doe.
SOI>
SOI> are they patches? like every generation sews on a new part
ACto the quilt.
ACand
SOI> it is a record of the familys history?
SOI>
SOI>
__
SOI>
|__|
<-- that is your square brett.
SOI>
SOI>
/\
SOI>
\/
<-- dan, you can have this neato diamond
SOI>
SOI>
SOI>
_____
SOI>
/_/^\_\
SOI>
| \ oO /|
<- now this is mine.. see, i sewe
ACd in a little star
SOI>
\/_|__\/
SOI>
...
Now for a paid advertisement for our favorite TV station... YTV!
SOI>
______________
SOI>
| \ / -|- \ / |
YTV Early Morning Show Listing
SOI>
| | | \/ |
Couriered by » Spirit of Illusion
AC «
SOI>
'--------------'
TW> the words "ytv" are now banned from this board
SOI>
.p
SOI>
<+========= / | =============++
SOI>
__ __ _| |_ __ __ ||
SOI>
| | | ||_ __| | \ / | || y t v ! y t
ACv !
SOI>
| |_| | | |_/| \ \/ / ||
SOI>
'\___ | '\___/ \___ / ||
SOI>
___/ /'====================++
SOI>
|_____/ soi
SOI>
...
Windows are for weenies... this was a MAN'S car.
POD> that sux by the sound of it that car woiuld pick ya up hard
ACcore bitches
ODB>
ODB> dont even remind me. :(
ODB>
ODB> my regal
ODB>
ODB>
________________
ODB>
/ \
ODB>
--------- ------------------
AC-------
ODB>
/
AC \
ODB>
|_______/ \ ____________________________/
AC \_____\
ODB>
\________/ \___
AC____/
ODB>
ODB>
o 0 O
ODB>
-|- -|--|-
ODB>
/\ /\ /\
<--mad hot
ACties front
ODB> back.
ODB>
ODB> you could hear the bass drop for more than 10 blocks and i
ACd always get
ODB> stopped by the cops. -power supply
ODB>
ODB> in memory of da regal...
ODB>
ODB> odb
...
I dunno, doesn't it make YOU want to call?
From: Lars Base : [psycho] general
AC chat
__
__/0 \_
Mental Block BBS
\____ \
718-266-4057
/ \
Call Now
__ //\ \
Please
__/o \-//--\ \_/
I am very Horny
\____ ___ \ |
|| \ |\ |
|| || ||
"""""""""""""""""""""
...
Now THAT'S a sig... ...pretty impressive on a r
ACesume too...
RE>
RE>
|\
AC
AC RE>
| \
RE>
/\ |<>|
RE>
| | | |_______________________________
AC_________
RE>
| |-------------| /
AC \
RE>
| |/\/\/\/\/\/\/| |------------<([ -{---<--@ ])
AC>---------->
RE>
| |-------------| \_______________________________
AC__________/
RE>
| | | |
RE>
\/ | /
Reanimator
RE>
|/
-Knight of the Order of th
ACe Magenta Flame
RE> -Inter-Dimensional, Time-Travellin
ACg, Bard
RE> -Pan-Galactic Necromancer
RE> -Captain of the Free Trading stars
AChip
RE> "Peristroika"
...
You've gotta admit, he asked for it...
HE> (if this isn't that guy, please ignore this message and slap
AC me)
MA>
MA> I dunno if it was or wasnt, but Im gonna slap you anyway
AC.
MA>
MA> <ker-smack!>
HE>
HE>
HE>
oO
HE>
x
HE>
-.-
HE>
HE> owwwwweeeeeeee..... biatch...
...
This explains the proportions in Integrity packs... go back to A
ACnatomy 101...
QU> i gotta ask you a question.. what kinda girls do you go out
ACwith? 2-2.5 inc
AChQU> down from their lips? and thats their tits? nuts! :
AC)
CT>
CT> He likes girls with a good head on their shoulders... he hat
ACes necks.
QU>
QU> more like.. you got the chest here.. screw the shoulders.. p
AClop a head righ
ACtQU> in between them two breasts..
HW>
HW> haha then she'd look something like this..
HW>
HW>
█
HW>
█ █
HW>
███ ▓ █
HW>
head
█ ████
HW>
▄▄ ▄▄
HW>
▄██████▄ ▀▀▄ ▄▀▀ ▄██████▄
HW>
▐███▀▓███▌ ▄ ▄ ▐███▀▓███▌
HW>
▀██████▀ ▄ ▀██████▀
tits
HW>
▀▀ ▀▀▄▄▄▄▀▀ ▀▀
HW>
HW>
■▄█▄■
HW>
█
HW>
█ █
HW>
█ █
HW>
HW>
HW> :)
...
to be cont'd
...
%%
%%III.
Cthulu and company
ASCii WARZ! THE LAST PAGE!
Internet? Why, aside from alt.art.ascii, it's a complete waste o
ACf time!
MA> heh, no i dont have that much free time on my hands :)
MA>
!!!!!!!!~z$L!!!!~8$"!!?MM$$$$$R!9 MSMRR@$R$$ $$$$$$$NU
AC!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!$$&$$$F@Rt$$$$N!"d?$$!\ !!!z!$$$t$ $%?$$$
AC$$$$$ !!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!X9 s$( @$$$$$ B?@$R! F!! %$$ERM %$ $$
AC$W MMX!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!9! X! $$$$$ 5@$/!!> <! !#$$X$ X $$$$
AC M*)@~!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!#x M P@$$ MMd$)M>!! ( X!!!FM ) $$X
AC $$ R!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!! F$$$ ?W$ !!!( ? !!!. MM! $!M
AC !! X!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!! $X$$ !! .!! !!!! !!! <!!!! !!
AC! !:!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!~ <!!/* *" ~!! <!!!~.<!~ !!!:!!!!/!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!:~!!!!!!!!!~!!!!!!!!!/\!!!!!!!!!!>
AC~:!!!!!!!!!!
HW>
HW> what does that say?
MA>
MA> Yakko
MA>
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~`!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ '!!!!!!!!~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ !!!!!~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! '!!~ '!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~ <!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uu !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @$$$$$$$$& d$$WX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 9$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!tUX!!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!M$$$$6$$$$R$$$$$9$$$$R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!9$$$$$$$$$<XMMM?$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!X$$$$$$$$$!XMMMM9$$$$$$$iX!!~~~~~!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$$$$$$$$$i!!MMM$$$$$$$$$$
AC`` !!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$$$$$$R@$$$NdUo@$$$$$$$F
AC !!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***F3$$$$$$$$$$#$$$$#
AC '!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!t$$$$$$$$$$$ uu.
AC !!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$$$$$$$$$$$ :$$$$$.
AC '!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"*$$$$R*"` :$$$$$$$
ACL !!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u$$$$$$$No. 9$$$$$$$
AC$> !!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$NL $$$$$$$$
AC$$ !!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ 8$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$i$$$$$$$$
AC$$k !!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!~ '$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
AC$$B !!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!~~ '$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
AC$$$ !!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$""$$
AC$$$ !!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!: ?$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$F"$$$$'% #
AC$$$ <!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!` 9$$$$$$$$$$$$$F'$'$$$k
ACM$$ !!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!! #$$$$$$$$$$$$> # $$$$&
AC4$$d$$$$!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!! "$$$$$$$$$$$> $$$!!UU
AC!?$$$$$$!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: R$$$$$$$$$B $R!@$$!
AC!!k@$$$E!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! '$$$$$$$$$k dT!!!!!!
AC!9E$$$$!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$W$k!!!!x
AC$$t$$$!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. M$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$@$$$$$$$$
AC$S$$#!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: `M$$$$$#)u'@$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
ACW$$!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:."MR$$$$$$N(#$$$$$$$$$$#b$
AC"!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<"?MR$$$$$$eU2777Uz@$$!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:.`~"???h #R$$R#)!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? <!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!~ `!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~`` !!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!~ `!!!!!!!~` `!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!! `!!!! '!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!! '!: `!!! ..:....
AC~!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!! !!!! !!!! ~!!!!~
AC `!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!! !!!!xNx ~!!! :`! '!:
AC `!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!> '!!!$$$M$K$$$t$!X!X!
AC :!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!! !!~?$$$ZS$$9!R!M!~<!
AC:!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!! !!!~M$$!$$$M#dWHXS!<!: .:!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!> '!!!!!`?M!R$$!$$RMM?\XMMH: XN$!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!. '!!~!!!!!~!!MMMMMM?!:MMMMMMMHXx.. <U7!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!...:!!!!!!!!!!!<`~"~`XHMMMMMMMMMMM!\!M$$!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!XHMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!<H!M$$"z$B!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!XMMMMMMMMHX:(()!MMMMMMMMM!$E$$$R!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/MMMMSX!~!"~~~)!XMMMMMMRMMM$$$?!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4MMMMMMXX!XXHMMMMMMMMRMRM!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!< !MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMX!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! '!MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!> ~MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!"?M!MMMM??!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!! .`- !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!:.....
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!, . !!!!!!!!! @k!!!!!!!!
AC$$$$i!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!Xo$$$$, !!!!!!!!!! $$X!!!!!(<
AC$$$$$Nu`!!!!
MA>
!!!!X$$$$$$$, :!!!!!~!:::(#$X`u@R$!
AC$$$$$$$$i!!!
MA>
!!!~3$$$$$$$, !!X!M ~!!~!Xt!HXXXH<$$$!M!
ACXX9$$#$$$M!!
MA>
!!!4$$$$$#W$, 9$NXM !!!MM!M??!!!!!R$!
AC 9$$$B#MX!!
MA>
!!!!$$$$!$$$, 9$$$ !!! f$ze
ACee8$$$R>!!!!
MA>
!!!!MMR$4$$$< 9$# !>! d<b M$$> 9
AC$$$$RMM>~!!!
MA>
!!!!!MMX~MR$' : <!>! !##! `?M~
ACM****"!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!/!M:!MM' ~!!!!! q~p >!!!'
ACM< ,!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!::/"' ~:!!!!!'! !!!'
AC ,!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!' \<!!!!!!!!`! !!!!:
AC ~<!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!'~~~~~:!!!!!!!!!!!!.~~~~~~~<<!!!!!!:`~~~
AC~~~.!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!! .<!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:::!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AC!!!!!!!!!!!!
MA>
MA> this says DOT
...
Why would you need an ascii wiggling finger in the first place?
ME> I attempted to draw an ascii wiggling finger but it ended up
AC looking more
ME> like somebody churning butter, which isn't something worms g
ACenerally do,
ME> and decided it probably wasn't an appropriate illustration,
ACand thus did
ME> not post it.
TC>
TC> hey i have an ascii of a finger floating around here somewhe
ACre
TC>
_
TC>
/ \
TC>
|\_/|
TC>
|---|
TC>
| |
TC>
| |
TC>
_ |=-=| _
TC>
_ / \| |/ \
TC>
/ \| | | ||\
TC>
| | | | | \>
TC>
| | | | | \
TC>
| - - - - |) )
TC>
| /
TC>
\ /
TC>
\ /
TC>
\ /
TC>
\ /
TC>
| |
TC>
| |
TC>
| |
TC>
TC>
TC> Hope it helps ! :)
TC>
...
Aww... well, that sure brightened *MY* day...
AP>
AP> If you smile at me , you know i will understand
AP> cause that is something everybody does in the same
AP> language.
AP>
AP>
* *
AP>
_
AP>
AP>
\_____/
...
Haven't seen too many acid-induced smilies?
AP> it was just nail polish man, mmmmm, acid, gimme
PH> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PH> What's this all about eh?
PH> You an acid freak or sumtin?
PH>
PH>
.....oooooOOOOO°°°°OOOOOooooo.....
PH>
OO
PH>
\__/
PH>
≡≡
PH>
╕╒
...
Timewarp learns a few lessons about arrows in the line editor...
TW> beat this
TW>
TW>
__
TW>
/----
TW>
\---\
TW>
/___/-|-ú
HW>
HW> it's the enterprise right? :)
TW>
TW> fuck you :)
...
This wins the prize for best quote strings...
│ \o/ │
I[df shows us da moves.
│ <\ │ --───────────────────────────────────────────-- -
AC- -
blah...
│ _o/ │ --───────────────────────────────────────────-- -
AC- -
│ /< │ I[df is da disco meister!
...
What? We LOVE Microsoft. What was giving you that impression to
ACthe contrary?
AP> also has satanic children laughing, Bill Gates is SATAN!
AP>
BE>
BE>
O ,
-(Heil Gates)
BE>
'/
BE>
|
BE>
/ \
BE>
BE>
__
BE>
|_|_
BE>
__| |
BE>
PH>
Wait
a sec... let's work on that swastika...
PH>
/
PH>
\ /\
PH>
X
PH>
\/ \
PH>
/
PH> Ahhhh... fuck it
PH> looks more like a headless guy dancing around...
MA>
MA> okay then..
MA>
MA> heil the headless guy dancing arround!
CO>
CO> If Bill Gates isn't headless yet, he should be...
PR>
PR>
PR>
/
PR>
\*/\
PR>
X
PR>
\/ \
PR>
/
PR>
PR> NOW it looks like some long haird lsd FREAK dancing around t
ACo those FREAKS,
AC PR> the grateful dead..
...
Did we REALLY want a diagram of the gender differences of orgasm
ACs?
PH>
/-------------\ |--| |--|
PH>
/ \ | | | | |--|
PH>
/ \ | | | | | |
AC |--|
PH>
/ \_________ | |__| |__| |_
AC_| |__|--|______
PH>
|
PH> WOMAN!!! MAN!!!!
PH>
PH> Any questions?
...
Thus concludes another two month's worth of doodles, smilies, qu
ACote strings,
and candid captures.
%%
%%Birthdays!
Mistigris
Birthdays!
DC
C
HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!
CMistigris likes to take this opportunity to embarrass its
Cmembers publicly in front of their peers. As such, we give t
AChem birthday
Cwishes for the whole scene to see. (It could be worse.. we C
ACOULD be
Cgiving them birthday BUMPS. Now THAT'S embarrassing.)
C
▄C▄C ▐ C▄
JULY BABIES:C
▄
░
▌C▐█▌C
AC
░
▌C ▓▌C
AUGUST BABIES:
C
▐
▄
▀C▌
▄
▀C▐
▄
ACC
■
▄
▐
C
TzeentchC▐█▌C▐▓▌C█▌C█▌
C
July 4th C▐▌▓C██▌C▐█▓C▐▐█
C▓█▄▌C▓██C▐█▐C ▐▄▓CCue for
C▐██C
▄C
▐█▌C▓██C ▓██CAgressio
ACn
C
▄▌▄▄
▀
▄▌▄█▓▌
▀▀
▄██▄▄▄
AC
▀
▄
▀
▄▓▄▄██▄
▀
▄▓▄
AC▄▄▌▄C
August 24th
White InsanityC
▐▀▀█▓█████
░
▀▀▀████▓▀▀▀
AC██████▀
░
█▀▀▓█▀█▓
C
July 8thC
░
▐▌
▐▀
▄▓▄▄▄▄
█
AC
█
█▄
▀
░
▀
▄███▄▄▄▄
AC
▀
▓▄▄
▓
█▄▄▐▄
▐▌
C▐
▐▓▄██████
▓
████▄
▀
▐▓█████████
AC█████
▓
▌▀▓
▐
C
▓█
██
███████████▌▄█████
▓
████████
AC█
█
▄▓▌
▀
C
▀▄▄▀
█
████████████████
█
▄▄▀██████
AC
█
█
█
█▌CSolinari
CScribbleC▐██
██
████████████▓███▀█████████
▓
AC
▀▀██▓ CAugust 27th
CJuly 10thC▀
▓
▄▄▄▄
▀▓█▀▀▀
▄▄▓▄▄▄
AC
▀▀▀
▄▄
░
▄
▀▀▀▓▀
AC
▓█▄
▀▀
C
▀▐▀█▓▀▀█
▀▀▀▀▀▓▀▀▀▀▀▓▀▀
mz
AC
▀▓▄▀▀▀▀▓▌▀
C
▌▄▓▄██▌▄▄▄█▓███▄▄███████▄▄██▄██▌▓▄▄▐
C▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀
C
(thanks again to Mage for doing us this great cake)
CBut that's not all! Mistigris will also be celebrat
ACing its one
Cyear anniversary on August 29th, exactly 2 weeks after the a
ACnniversary
Cof Imperial's death, or its final release. In our year's lif
ACetime,
Cwe've had highs and low, and have been passed through by the
AC great and
Cmighty. However, while most groups develop the Relic and Bla
ACde syndromes
Cand conk out after their first year, we will continue to put
ACter along
Cat our phenomenally mediocre rate for months and months to
ACcome!
CIt'll be years and years before you're finally rid of us!
CIn any event, next month will feature a retrospective of for
ACmer Mistigris
Cartists and where they are now. If I'm up to it, we'll also
AChave a reprinting
AC
Cof the original Mistigris manifes
ACto on scene politics.
CJust to show our token pseudo-intellectual roots, this month
AC also celebrates
AC
Cthe 50th anniversary of the publishing o
ACf Animal Farm by George Orwell,
Ca book which many of us have endured through many hours of E
ACnglish classes.
CIn any event, it remains just as puissant a work as it was w
AChen it was
Cfirst published, and the fact that it was published at all g
ACave a great
Cbeginning to generations of free speech advocates for dec
ACades to come.
C Let's carry on the tradition and speak our mind.
C -Cthulu, Mistigris pumpkin
AC C
August 23rd, 1995.
C"Mist '95 - Two legs baa-aad, four legsCgooo-ood."
%%
%%About
Black Rain/King Arthur
Tell me about the great music
─ ── ─
B
───
L
───
AC
a
───
C
───
K
──────
R
AC
───
A
───
i
───
N
── ─
AC ─
AC
of
── ────
M
─────
i
AC
─────
S
─────
T
──── ── ─
╔═══════════════════════╗
║
P r e s e n t s .
AC. .
║
╔══════╩═════════╤═════════════╩═════╗
║
Module Name:
│
AC Techtronic
║
║
Mod Type:
│
AC ScreamTracker 3.2
║
║
Channels Used:
│
AC 7 channels
║
║
Playing Time:
│
AC 2 min, 33 seconds
║
║
File Size:
│
AC 215,440 Bytes
║
║
Release Date:
│
AC July 14, 1995
║
╚════════════════╧═══════════════════╝
RELEASED FOR THE MiST August 1995 PAC
ACK!
Welcome to my 13th release! This one's called
"
ACTechtronic.
"
It's
my first REAL attempt at Techno type music. I would really reco
ACmmend that
you play this in something that supports stereo panning (such as
AC
DMP
4.0
).
If you can't find anything, then try playing it in mono... it's
ACreally not
designed for extreme left and right stereo unless it can pan the
AC sounds back
and forth.
- - -
Also, I've changed my handle from
K
ing
A
rthur to
AC
B
lack
R
ain. No specific
reason, but I think I'm going to change it back after this relea
ACse.
- - -
Also,
F
inal
C
ontact, which is the final part of
ACthe "
C
ontact
T
rilogy" will
be out in the September pack. I've really been too busy over th
ACe last month
preparing for a wedding and everything, so I haven't had any tim
ACe to work on
anything else.
GREETS: Greets go out to the following...
M
i
ST!, Night Owl, Black Wolf
/
Defiance, Quicksilv
ACer, and everyone else I can't
remember at this time.
Laterzzzah!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
AC - - =BR'95
- - - - -
Can ya feel it? Nah...
%%
%%Business
Cthulu and his fish
Business as usual.
In the past three months, we've seen the deaths of
U
ACnion,
S
hiver,
R
ival,
V
apor and
E
merge, among others. U
ACnfortunately, we haven't seen
anything
ELSE
from them. While observing all these demis
ACes, we narrowly
avoided merging with
T
eklord
Z
,
S
torm, an
ACd
V
apor (the latter which almost
prevented our last pack from being released until the founder ve
ACtoed the
idea). And we have continued to lose members at a phenomenal rat
ACe.
Despite the fact that we recieved more apps in the last
ACthree months
than in the previous
EIGHT
, we're right back where we we
ACre at the start of
them. It seems that everyone likes
M
ist, but not enough
ACto, say, actually
JOIN
it.
So, without further ado...
First on our leaving list is
S
ir
L
ancelo
ACt, who decided that he's
rather join
B
leach than pay the
LD
bill to poll
ACour net. Since then he's also
founded
R
une.
Next is our entire
905
'
underground krew
AC
'
... the extender everyone in
Toronto was using expired, so, along with the collapse of
E
ACscape
N
et (now up
under
d
aze's board,
F
ate
!
) we lost
T
ACribe,
V
icious,
M
yth, and
X
er
ACyrus all to
T
oon and
D
ark.
W
intermute and
K
tulu took the reunion of
AC
F
ire to heart and, in a
burning fit, quit
M
ist to rejoin the faithful hordes of
AC
H
alaster.
D
efective
M
ind has formally resigned aft
ACer 5 months of inactivity,
leaving us
entirely
courierless. What this means is: if
ACyou found it hard to
find our packs before, just try getting your hands on this one
AC
!
A side greet
would be to
M
istawho for spreading our pack on the inter
ACnet 8). Thanks!
The most devistating loss this month would be of
T
AChe
N
aughty
T
ycoon,
who has been with us since our very first pack. His originality
ACand loyalty
inspired us all, despite some critics of his work.
M
ist
ACwill never be the
same without him - for good or for bad, he was always here.
Finally,
P
latinum, after his sudden dive into th
ACe scene, has decided
to take a break and learn how to code. He may be back in coming
ACmonths, if
WE'RE
back in coming months, so this is more of a tempor
ACary loss.
Compounding these extreme losses (take a look at our las
ACt pack and see
AC how it would have looked without all of these outstandi
ACng individuals) was
the fact that we decided to do some summer cleaning this month,
ACeliminating
inactive individuals.
So we say goodbye to
S
pirit
o
f
I
ACllusion,
F
ob,
S
mokescreen,
P
rofessor
P
ukoid,
S
piritualized, and any
ACone else who fails to appear on the
memberlist.
On the lighter side, this month we welcome in
K
u
ACrama into our
RIP department, after his many applications to VGA and ANSI, tho
ACugh his
forays into all of those fields are now becoming surprisingly vi
ACewable.
H
eat
W
ave also brings in
S
olinari,
C
ACue
f
or
A
gression, and
E
lysiu
ACs from his
deceased group
D
ivine. Yum. New members are good. We nee
ACd more of 'em.
■
On a side note. since joining
M
ist,
ACElysius has also joined
I
ce. He
has promised to continue relations with both groups but I think
ACwe all know
who's getting the short end of the deal. However, he's also recr
ACuited his
8-year-old
brother,
S
malls, to draw for us, alon
ACg with one or two more
family members. Intriguing...
U
biquitous joins us to draw fonts, and
I
ACmage
o
f
D
eath and
K
illrazor
joined, but not recently enough to actually have submitted anyth
ACing 8).
P
raxis joins us through his friends
W
hit
ACe
I
nsanity and
P
latinum, and
we also gained a coder by the name of
C
ybernetic
S
ACoul, who has unfortunately
been silenced due to the downfall of
i
ll
c
ommuni
ACcation, along with a
character by the name of
B
eezd who was to design some sm
ACall logos and such
for us.
In the ever-ignored lit section, we have a blast from th
ACe past
featuring some work by an artist who hasn't released any lit und
ACer us for
nearly a year... yes,
G
rateful
D
ead returns to r
AChyme his way into your
subconcious. As well,
F
ripp joined us to add a touch of
ACclass to our uncouth
hordes of wannabe rhymers (see
R
hyme
T
ime), but
ACended up simply being the
last pack's
A
ngst under a new name. Well, he sure fooled
AC
_
ME
_
.
D
estro has finally been let into our ANSI depart
ACment, and let me be
the first to state that
HIS ANSI WAS NOT RIPPED FROM BIGGE P
ACIFFE'S! If you
take a simple look at the
G
rip and
M
ist packs, y
ACou will see two different
versions of the same picture. However, I have the assurance of
AC
H
eat
W
ave,
who saw the work in various stages of completion, that it is she
ACer
coincidence that the two artists released their versions of the
ACsame pic
during the same month.
S
ynth, formerly
R
ed
S
corpion, ma
ACkes his re-entry into the scene back
where he started, in
M
istigris, drawing ANSI and VGA.
T
he
P
ope, a longtime fan, bolsters our m
ACusic department as it hasn't
been since
A
dmiral
S
kuttlebutt's departure.
J
mama joins our coding department as was reccomm
ACended by
W
intermute.
AC His style of coding is greatly welcomed and will be abu
ACsed... er...
exploited? What's that word? Made use of... in the following mon
ACths.
Our coding department is again expanded by the timely arrival of
AC
M
elkor, a
student who shows off his knowledge with two inspiring (and patr
ACiotic 8)
loaders this month.
S
cribble has no art in this month's pack allowin
ACg for the fact that
his hard drive
blew up
. Hey, it happens to the best of u
ACs.
D
iamond
T
raveller returns from a month-s
ACpanning hiatus with a
stunning
319
line pic which shows his true potential and
AC versility. Just
remember: we found him first!
One other note involving members -
B
lack
R
ACain has changed his handle
BACK
to
K
ing
A
rthur, just to cause confu
ACsion and chaos and annoy everyone to
no end.
As well, this month we feature RIP and ANSI work from tw
ACo guest
artists
P
risonernumberone of
A
cid (and formerly
ACof
M
ist 8) and
H
eat
W
ave of
I
ntegrity.
As always, anybody who wants back in is wanted back in,
ACas well as
apps from all walks of the scene, and maybe even a merger or two
AC.
"
Mist
'
95
-
Back to the drawing
ACboard
."
%%
%%Lit?
Eoanya
A Trio of Myths for Perusal
If you've ever thought that it's
easy
to make a
ACpiece of text sound
interesting and that lit writers are a bunch of
lazy slobs
AC looking for an
affil, then perhaps these following traditional fables will enli
ACghten you as
to the words we must make common usage of in order to maintain a
AC simple
rhyme for your enjoyment 8). -
cthulu
Thanks to
E
oanya for the rendition and translation o
ACf the fairy tales.
...
To keep the simple nature of this story and be confident tha
ACt it is in no way
confusing, I have made it very simple.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
Once upon a time there was a little girl called Little Red R
ACiding Hood.
She enjoyed picking flowers and skipping. One day, her mother sa
ACid, "Little Red
AC Riding Hood! Your grandmother is very sick. Please take
AC her some cookies to
make her feel better." Although Little Red Riding Hood knew that
AC cookies would
indeed be bad for her diabetic grandmother, she was a good littl
ACe girl and she
listened to her mother. "Yes, mother," she answered, and took th
ACe basket.
"Don't walk off the path, and don't talk to strangers!" warned t
AChe
mother as her daughter skipped off.
Little Red Riding Hood walked for a long time until finally she
ACsaw
some pretty flowers in the distance. She hesitated, then hopped
ACoff the path
to pick them. She gathered a few, and then headed back. Before s
AChe could make
it to the safety of the path, however, she was confronted by a b
ACig grey wolf.
"Hello little girl," he said. "Do you want to pose for some pict
ACures?"
Little Red Riding Hood forgot that she was not supposed to talk
ACto
strangers. "No thanks," she said, "I have to hurry to my grandmo
ACther's house.
See? Here's a map." She handed the map to him and he quickly mem
ACorized it.
"Well, I shall be going then," said the wolf. "Good-bye." As she
walked back to the path, he sped away in the direction of her gr
ACandmother's
house!
When the wolf reached Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother's hou
ACse, he
knocked on the door. "Who is it?" called the grandmother.
"Me, Little Red Riding Hood," coughed the wolf in a high voice.
"Come in," called the grandmother, and he opened the door and en
ACtered.
"Oh my!" she cried when she saw the wolf. The wolf ate her. He t
AChen dressed in
her nightgown and jumped into bed. Soon, there was a knock on th
ACe door.
"Who is it?" he called in a female voice.
"Me, Little Red Riding Hood," came the reply.
"Come in," called the wolf, and she did.
"Grandmother!" said Little Red Riding Hood when she walked up to
AC the
bed. "What big eyes you have!"
"The better to see you with, my dear," replied the wolf.
"Oh Grandma!" said Little Red Riding Hood, "What big ears you ha
ACve!"
"The better to hear you with, my dear."
"But Grandmother! What big teeth you have!"
"The better to eat you with, my dear!" The wolf jumped out of be
ACd and
began to chase Little Red Riding Hood. She yelled and screamed.
ACA nearby
lumberjack heard her and burst into the house. He chopped off th
ACe wolf's tail
with his ax, and the wolf was so surprised that he opened his mo
ACuth up very
wide and the grandmother fell out! The wolf ran away, dying late
ACr from loss of
blood. Everyone else lived happily ever after. The End.
**
UNDERGOING VOCABULARY TRANSMOGRIFICATION
**
To ensure the elementary constitution of this archive and be sec
ACure in the
insight that it is in no manner discomfiting, I have made it sev
ACerely lucid.
DIMINUTIVE SANGUINE ROVING CAPUCHE
On one occasion there was a infinitesimal demoiselle denomin
ACated
Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche. The person in question deriv
ACed joy from
culling posies and gamboling. Pending one length of daylight hou
ACrs, her
matriarch mouthed, "Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche! Your mat
ACernal forebear
is direly ailing. Please convey her a specific quantity of torte
ACs for the aim
of her heartiness." Although Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche
ACfathomed that
tortes would naturally be adverse for her diabetic maternal fore
ACbear, she was
a decorous petite junior miss and she hearkened to her matriarch
AC. "Aye,
matriarch," she reparteed, and procured the pannier of tortes.
"Saunter not away from the trajectory, and prattle not to interl
ACopers!"
exhorted her matriarch as her scion flopped into the distance.
Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche promenaded for an extensive d
ACuration
until enfin she beheld a few comely spray in the range. She dith
ACered, then leap
ACt
off the locus to cull them. She congregated a few, and then dest
ACined herself fo
ACr
the course anew. Heretofore she could make it to the impregnabi
AClity of the
lane, though, she was countered by an immense ashen creature. "S
ACalutations,
minute filly," he voiced. "Do you covet to attitudinize for some
AC photoplay?"
Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche did not retain that she was n
ACot
sanctioned to discourse with unacquainteds. "Nix, much obliged,"
AC she uttered,
"I must alacrity to my mother's mother's domicile. Descry? Here'
ACs a
delineation." She bestowed the diagram to him and he hastily dem
ACystified it.
"Well, I shall be leave-taking," spoke the wolf. "Cheerio." As s
AChe paced back
to the trail, he dispatched in the bearing of her parent's mothe
ACr's habitation!
AC
At the moment the wolf arrived at Diminutive Sanguine Roving Cap
ACuche's
maternal forebear's residence, he rapped in contact with the pos
ACtern. "Who is
it?" bellowed the maternal forebear.
"Me, Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche," hacked the wolf in a
strident phonation.
"Draw near," chirpped the grandmother, and he unrestricted the h
ACatch and
inaugurated. "Oh my!" she whooped when she saw the wolf. The wol
ACf consumed her.
AC He then outfitted himself in her negligee and jumped in
ACto bed. Soon, there was
a thud on the doorway.
"Who is it?" he called in a effeminate vociferation.
"Me, Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche," came the riposte.
"Approach," hailed the wolf, and she did.
"Female forebear!" exclaimed Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche
ACwhen
she tramped up to the place to sleep. "What ostentatious optic r
ACeceivers you
have!"
"The more appropriate to spy you with, my beloved," retorted the
AC wolf.
"Oh maternal forebear!" voiced Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuch
ACe, "What
broad auditory apparatus you possess!"
"The more useful to hark you with, my darling."
"But mother's mother! What massive incisors you own!"
"The more suitable to eat you with, my dog meat!" The wolf jumpe
ACd out
of berth and embarked to seek Diminutive Sanguine Roving Capuche
AC aggressively.
She yelled and squealed. A nigh lumberjack had audio input of he
ACr and fissured
into the house. He belted off the wolf's caudal appendage with h
ACis ax, and the
wolf was so flabbergasted that he threw open his mouth seriously
AC spacious and
the granny fell out! The wolf scurried away, sinking towards dea
ACth later from
divestiture of hemoglobin. Everyone else abided affably ever sub
ACsequently. The
Cessation.
INTERESTING FACT
: The following are synonyms for
"
ACcome
"
:
reach orgasm
ejaculate
climax
have an orgasm
reach sexual fulfillment
copulate
enjoy sex
That's why I nearly laughed my head off when trying to decide wh
ACat to choose
when the grandmother told the wolf to "Come in!"
GOLDILOCKS
A long long time ago there lived a family of three bears. Th
ACere was a
Mama bear, a Papa bear, and a Baby bear. One day, the Mama bear
ACmade porridge.
"Mine is too hot to eat!" said Papa bear.
"So is mine!" said Mama bear.
"And mine!" agreed Baby bear.
"Let's go on a walk, then. By the time we return, it should be c
ACool
enough to eat," suggested Mama bear. The family left to go on a
ACnice long walk.
AC
While they were gone, a nosy little girl called Goldilocks found
AC the
house. "Oh my," she said, "What a nice house. And no one seems t
ACo be home!"
She opened the door, surprised that it was not locked. "Oh, I am
AC lucky!" she
said, and went into the house.
First, she saw three bowls of porridge. First she tried Mama bea
ACr's
porridge. "Ow! Too hot!" she said. Then she tried Papa bear's po
ACrridge. "Yuck!
Too cold!" Finally, she tasted baby bear's porridge. "Yummy, per
ACfect!" she
said, and she ate it all up.
Next, Goldilocks went upstairs. "I would like to sit down," she
ACsaid.
She saw three chairs. First she sat in Papa bear's chair. "Too h
ACard," she
complained. Then she sat in Mama bear's chair. "Too soft!" she s
ACaid. Last, she
sat in baby bear's chair. "Ah, just right!" she said. But the ch
ACair was too
weak, and it broke.
So Goldilocks went upstairs. She went into the bedroom and saw t
AChree
beds. "I am tired," she said, "maybe I'll have a nap." So she la
ACy on Mama
bear's bed. "Too many lumps!" she whined. Next she lay on Papa b
ACear's bed.
"Too hard!" So finally she lay on baby bear's bed. "Just right!"
AC she said, and
fell asleep.
When the bears returned from their walk and entered the house, t
AChey
found that the bowls of porridge were sampled.
"Someone's been eating my porridge!" said Papa bear.
"Someone's been eating my porridge!" said Mama bear.
"Someone's been eating my porridge, and they ate it all up!" sai
ACd baby
bear sadly.
Next, the family went into the living room.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair!" said Papa bear.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair!" said Mama bear.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," said baby bear, "and they
ACbroke
it!"
The bear family hurried upstairs and entered the bedroom.
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" said Papa bear.
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" said Mama bear.
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed," said baby bear, "and they'r
ACe still
in it!"
Goldilocks woke up and saw all the bears looking at her. She ran
downstairs and out of the house as quickly as possible. She was
ACnever nosy
again. THE END.
**
UNDERGOING VOCABULARY TRANSMOGRIFICATION
**
AC
AC
FLAXEN THATCH
A extensive lengthy duration gone by, there dwellt a kith of
AC troika
bears. There was a Female progenitor bear, a Pop bear, and a Suc
ACkling bear.
One daytime, the Female progenitor bear parboiled hominy. "Mine
ACis excessively
scalding to consume!" said Pop bear.
"So is mine!" said Female progenitor bear.
"In addition to mine!" agreed Suckling bear.
"Let's hie on a traipse, therewith. By the interval we return, i
ACt will
conceivably be repletely frigid to dine," implied Female progeni
ACtor bear. The
kith split to progress on a admirable extended promenade.
During the interim they were departed, a inquisitive wee demoise
AClle
termed Flaxen Thatch encountered the domicile. "Oh my," she voic
ACed, "What a
pleasant habitation. And none appear to be in attendance!" She u
ACnclosed the
hatch, dumbfounded that it was not cinched. "Oh, I am propitious
AC!" she mouthed,
AC and sauntered within the residence.
Initially, she witnessed a triad of tureens of grits. First she
ACtried
out Female progenitor bear's mush. "Ow! Inordinately heated!" sh
ACe uttered.
Then she tried Pop bear's boiled meal. "Yuck! Immoderately icy!"
AC Ultimately,
she savored suckling bear's hasty pudding. "Yummy, exquisite!" s
AChe voiced, and
she devoured it utterly up.
Succeeding, Flaxen Thatch went to the garret. "I would elect to
AChunker
from higher to lower," she exclaimed. She viewed a trinity of fu
ACrniture.
Initially, she squatted in Pop bear's dais. "Unduly adamantine,"
AC she complained
AC.
Then she perched on Female progenitor bear's armchair. "Overly y
ACielding!" she
exclaimed. Persisting, she roosted in suckling bear's sofa. "Ah,
AC properly
equitable!" she sighed. However, the furniture was extremely fra
ACil, and it
ruptured.
So Flaxen Thatch went into the upper story. She went into the sl
ACeeping
compartment and saw three berths. "I am enervated," she expresse
ACd orally, "god
willing I'll have a respite." So she positioned her person on Fe
ACmale progenitor
AC bear's cot. "There are hunches beyond reason!" she whin
ACed. Next she lay on Pop
bear's bed. "Overly inflexible!" So finally she lay on suckling
ACbear's bed.
"Exactly suitable!" she said, and fell into a torpor.
When the bears came back from their walk and brought themselves
ACinto
the dwelling, they detected that the crocks of cornmeal mush wer
ACe sampled.
"Someone's been consuming my mush!" said Pop bear.
"Someone's been masticationing my mush!" said Female progenitor
ACbear.
"Someone's been digesting my grits, and they digested it all up!
AC" said
suckling bear despondently.
Next, the lineage went into the existing chamber.
"Someone's been roosting in my armchair!" said Pop bear.
"Someone's been perching in my sofa!" said Female progenitor bea
ACr.
"Someone's been hunkering in my furniture," said suckling bear,
AC"and they
clefted it!"
The bear family slapdashed aloft and admitted themselves into th
ACe
roomette.
"Someone's been in a torpor in my place to sleep!" voiced Pop be
ACar.
"Someone's been taking a siesta in my berth!" exclaimed
ACFemale
progenitor bear.
"Someone's been heavy with sleep in my cot," mouthed suckling be
ACar, "and
they're nevertheless in it!" Flaxen Thatch roused up and saw all
AC the bears
scrutinizing at her. She ran downstairs and outward of the domic
ACile as fleetly
as feasible. She was ne'er inquiring anew. THE TERMINATION.
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS
A long time back there were three little pigs. One day, they
AC said
good-bye to their mother and moved out. They were on their own,
ACand they
looked for materials to build houses with. They walked along a c
ACountry lane,
until they met a peddler with a bundle of straw. The first littl
ACe pig decided
to build a house out of straw, and he bought all the straw from
ACthe peddler.
The two little pigs continued on, until they met a peddler selli
ACng
sticks. "I'll build my house out of sticks," said the second lit
ACtle pig, and
he bought all the sticks. Now only the third little pig was left
AC. He soon
found a peddler selling bricks, and he bought all of them. All o
ACf the pigs
began building their houses, and after a long period of construc
ACtion, they
were all done.
That day, a big bad wolf found the straw house. He could smell t
AChe
tasty pig inside. "Little pig, little pig, let me in," he called
AC, knocking on
the door.
"Not by the hairs of my chinny-chin-chin!" replied the f
ACirst little pig
AC.
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!" sa
ACid the
wolf. He huffed, and he puffed, and he blew the straw house apar
ACt. The little
pig ran to his brother's house and hid inside.
The wolf found the stick house, and he knew that now two little
ACpigs
were inside. "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in," he chanted.
"Not by the hairs of our chinny-chin-chins!" they cried.
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!"
threatened the wolf.
He huffed, and he puffed, and he blew the stick house apart. The
little pigs ran to the third brother's house and hid inside.
The wolf found the brick house, and he was very hungry. "Little
ACpigs,
little pigs, let me in," he demanded.
"Not by the hairs of our chinny-chin-chins!" they called.
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house
AC down!" And the
AC wolf huffed, and he puffed, but he couldn't blow the ho
ACuse down. He huffed
again, and he puffed again, but the brick house was still intact
AC.
"Then I'll come in the chimney!" he said, and began climbing the
AC house.
Inside the house, the third little pig was not worried. He began
AC building a fir
ACe
in the fireplace, and filled a pot with water. Then he put the p
ACot in the
fireplace to boil.
The wolf climbed onto the roof and jumped down the chimney. He l
ACanded
right in the boiling water, and howled. He shot back out the chi
ACmney and ran
away, never to be seen again. The first and second little pigs b
ACuilt new brick
houses close to their brother's house, and they were never bothe
ACred again. The
End.
**
UNDERGOING VOCABULARY TRANSMOGRIFICATION
**
THE TROIKA OF MINUTE SWINES
A prolonged duration off, there was set of three tiny swine.
AC One
particular daytime, they mouthed adieu to their matriarch and re
AClocated
themselves. They were on their own, and they perusaled for consu
ACmer goods to
manufacture domiciles with. They sauntered forward on a backwood
ACs course,
until they encountered a duffer with an armload of straw. The fo
ACremost tiny
hog resolveed to fashion a residence out of straw, and he become
AC indebted for
all the straw from the duffer.
The duo of wee oinkers continued on, until they detected a hucks
ACter
vending switches. "I'll fabricate my dwelling out of kindling,"
ACsaid the
secondary petite shoat, and he acquired all the twigs. Now only
ACthe third
infinitesimal boar was left. He soon unearthed a hawker retailin
ACg adobes, and
he procured all of them. Every one of the piglets began manufact
ACuring their
residences, and after a extensive epoch of erection, they were a
ACll executed.
That day, a giant sinister wolf located the kindling habitation.
AC He
could respond to the olfactory stimulus of the palatable tusker
ACwithin.
"Diminutive porker, tiny shoat, let me in," he called, beating o
ACn the entrance.
AC
"Not by the whiskers of my chinny-chin-chin!" riposted the forem
ACost
little pig.
"Then I'll wheeze and I'll heave and I'll exhale your habitation
AC down!"
said the wolf. He huffed, and he puffed, and he gasped and disas
ACsociated the
flaxen household. The infinitesimal tusker ran to his sibling's
ACdwelling and
shrouded himself inside.
The wolf located the switch dwelling, and he knew that now binar
ACy wee
shoats were inside. "Diminutive piglets, tiny swine, let me in,"
AC he chanted.
"Not by the hairs of our chinny-chin-chins!" they shrieked.
"Then I'll be short of breath, and I'll whiff, and I'll pant you
ACr
house down!" threatened the wolf. He blew, and he panted, and he
AC blew the
stick house apart. The minute domestic animals dashed to the thi
ACrd associate's
house and obscured themselves inside.
The wolf unearthed the cube residence, and he was severely insat
ACiate.
"Small domestic animals, petite swine, let me in," he demanded.
"Not by the hairs of our chinny-chin-chins!" they called.
"Then I'll blow, and I'll gust, and I'll typhoon your house down
AC!" And
the wolf heaved, and he panted, but he couldn't breathe the buil
ACding down. He
panted again, and he blew again, but the block habitation was st
ACill intact.
"Then I'll come in the flue!" he said, and began mounting the re
ACsidence.
Inside the household, the third ineffectual piglet was not fretf
ACul. He began
piling a phlogiston in the hearth, and occupied a crucible with
ACwater. Then he
put the vessel in the grate to parboil.
The wolf scaled onto the thatch and jumped down the smokestack.
ACHe
landed right in the percolating water, and howled. He shot back
ACout the funnel
and ran away, never to be seen again. The inaugural and subseque
ACnt tiny
livestock constructed neoteric adobe barracks adjacent to their
ACfellow swine's
domicile, and they were never agitated again. The Halt.
%%
%%sEPERATORs
cTHULU's gOT dA pHUNK
tHIS iZ a sEPERATOR bIATCH
Yes, file separators.
We've been around for, gosh, near a year now. (
I
ACmperial died last
August, and we were born the same day. We waited two months to g
ACather
enough members and material to release an amazing debut pack, th
ACough, a
practise which I wish more groups would adopt these days.) In an
ACy event,
there have been hidden treasures within every single pack: our f
ACile
separators. Sure, some may view it as a waste of time and effort
AC, and others
may view it as padding the pack, but we've consistantly had some
AC of the most
humorous, enlightening, and revealing documents available hidden
AC as our
innocuous file separators. We've published everything from movie
AC scripts to
song lyrics to ascii pictures to rags on Microsoft, and the vast
AC majority of
you probably never saw them. Well, what better excuse to go look
ACing for the
past
M
istigris packs, to read or re-read the wonderful f
ACile separators?
There follows a concise list of the contents of all of t
AChe file
separators of the past to date.
Oh yeah, we claim no responsability for the contents, as
AC there is
probably a great deal of copyrighted material included in all th
ACese lyrics
and scripts. We'll just blame it all on the inherent lameness of
AC the
scene... everyone else blames everything on that.
---
October 1994
--ANSI--.∙·∙ Alt.Lemurs FAQ part 4: Lemurs Versus Cows
--LIT--.∙·∙ Mr. Boffo T-Shirt quotes
--VGA--.∙·∙ How to kill an eel
-OTHERS-.∙·∙ Animaniacs ASCII
That Mr. Boffo tfile, incidentally, was collected and co
ACmpiled
entirely by me, from my 6 years of saved saturday comics.
---
November '94
--ANSI--.·∙· Lyrics to 'Yoda', by Weird Al Yankovic
--LIT--.·∙· Alt.devilbunnies FAQ
--VGA--.·∙· The complete guide to ASCII cows
-MUSIC-.·∙· Anti-Barney League newsletter
-OTHERS-.·∙· The Rocky Horror Picture Show script and crowd a
ACctions
That Rocky Horror Picture Show script was inspired my my
AC mom's
preventing me from seeing the actual show live on Halowe'en nigh
ACt, when I
dyed my body blue with food colouring. Er... never mind. Carry o
ACn.
---
December '94
··ANSI··.∙∙∙ Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr. Seuss
··LIT···.∙∙∙ Monty Python In Search of the Holy Grail script
··VGA···.∙∙∙ Ode to Spot, Data's poem to his cat
··MUSIC·.∙∙∙ Alt.lemurs FAQ part 1
---
January 1995
···ANSI·.··· Why Santa Claus can not exist, scientifically.
····LIT·.··· Comparing cars to operating systems
····VGA·.··· Comparing airlines to operating systems
··MUSIC·.··· The canonical list of dead baby jokes
·OTHERS·.··· Star Trek versus Microsoft
---
February '95
We released no pack in February as this was the month th
ACat we merged
with
F
ire
, who had already released THEIR Feb
ACruary pack.
---
March '95
··ANSI··.··· Lyrics to Fat, by Weird Al Yankovic
···LIT··.··· Lyrics to Eat It, by Weird Al Yankovic
···VGA··.··· Lyrics to Jurassic Park, by Weird Al Yankovic
···RIP··.··· Lyrics to Smells Like Nirvana, by Weird Al Yanko
ACvic
·MUSIC··.··· Lyrics to Taco Grande, by Weird Al Yankovic
·OTHER··.··· Lyrics to My Bologna, by Weird Al Yankovic
This is the month the pack was released just after I att
ACended a
Weird Al concert, incidentally.
---
April '95
^ANSI^ Lyrics to The Prophet's Song, by Queen
^LIT^ Lyrics to Sleeping on the Sidewalk, by Queen
^VGA^ Lyrics to The Miracle, by Queen
^RIP^ Lyrics to I'm going Slightly Mad, by Queen
^MUSIC^ Lyrics to We Will Rock You, by Queen
^OTHER^ Lyrics to Killer Queen, by Queen
And this, of course, is from the month that Nitnatsnoc c
ACompiled the
pack.
---
May '95
There was no pack released this month, as, well, we didn
AC't have
enough stuff to put out a good looking pack. And we'd rather sim
ACply not
release than send out a monthly compilation of CRAP. (Again, unl
ACike some
groups out there 8)
---
June '95
∙∙ANSI∙∙.∙∙∙ Sleep, the new drug menace of the '90s
∙∙∙LIT∙∙.∙∙∙ The canonical list of dead baby jokes (repeat)
∙∙∙VGA∙∙.∙∙∙ Smurf Genocide Volume II
∙MUSIC∙∙.∙∙∙ ASCII of a hermaphrodite
∙OTHERS∙.∙∙∙ The Birth of a Candy Bar
---
July '95
There was no July '95 pack as... well, our ansi departme
ACnt left. But
we got a new one fast enough to give you the pack which you're r
ACeading right
now.
---
August '95
··ANSI··.∙∙∙ Question for the Oracle
···LIT··.∙∙∙ Recipe for Windows '95
···VGA··.∙∙∙ Lyrics to Jesus Christ Superstar
···RIP··.∙∙∙ The Creation of a Pussy
·MUSIC··.∙∙∙ Top 10 Microsoft Party rumors (c/o Magellan)
·OTHERS·.∙∙∙ Pulp Fiction script
Two months later, and I'm still singing JCSS songs. Plus
AC I'm quoting
Pulp Fiction when I STILL haven't even seen it yet.
Well, now you know... our file seperators may hide somet
AChing more
worthwhile than a t
HIS
i
Z
j
UST
a s
EP
ACERATOR b
IATCH
or a
O
ur
M
iscs
AC are the
best
M
iscs in the scene!
-C
thulu
%%
%%Mist
Cthulu and fish
Founder's Corner and Spam
Despite being locked out of the WHQ
TWICE
over t
AChe course of
making this pack,
(
grr
)
it still has managed to
ACarrive to your screen. Thus
is our persistance.
Well, as the founder and apparent leader of
M
ist
ACigris, it's time
for me to speak once again on the matter of our upcoming project
ACs and other
such news.
So I shall. But first, a little philosophy. I write the
AC
AC
i
D
N
ewsletter four times a year. Why, then, is this not ran
ACkable with that in
terms of quality and professionalism? If I can crank out the wor
ACld's
information on the number one art group, why should this project
AC, which has
much more personal meaning, be given any less effort?
There are many reasons... firstly, as I said, the
AC
ACi
D
newsletter
comes out only once every three months. While
M
istigris
ACmay be on that path,
I would like to think that the total effort I put into this pack
AC is
substantially greater than that which I give to
R
a
DM
ACan those hectic 2 or 3
nights of the season.
Secondly, there is a sense of futility. No matter what I
AC put in here,
more people will read the
AC
i
D
N
ewslette
ACr, not even because of what it says,
but beacuse of where it is.
But thirdly, I'd like to think of
M
istigris as a
AC place where we
don't have to put up with the crap that
AC
i
D
goe
ACs through... we can say
whatever we want about whoever we want, and not be shamed for ab
ACusing our
power. We can advocate whatever we feel, and do, secure in the k
ACnowledge
that we won't spawn imitators. But most importantly, this:
A
ACCi
D
is a
company and an institution. It exists that the rest of the scene
AC might
revolve around it.
M
istigris, on the other hand, is here
AC entirely for a few
individuals to have a fun time.C
Groovy, eh?
Now that I've gotten that off of my chest, the
u
ACpcoming projects!
Firstly is
S
ix
-P
ack, a music disk be
ACing released by our good friend
T
he
P
ope, a talented individual who made a guest
AC appearance with us before
joining us, while maintaining his membership in the
I
mmo
ACrtal
S
yndicate. If
you like music, you'll probably enjoy this. And if you don't, yo
ACu probably
won't. Simply enough put, it's a collection of
6
(duh) g
ACreat
S
cream
T
racker
3
modules (
.S3M
s) by perhaps the greatest
604
-base
ACd computer musician since
A
dmiral
S
kuttlebutt. Of course, only die-hard ol
ACd school
M
ist fans will
recognize that reference, but let's just say that it's a great c
ACompliment
and leave it at that. It should be out by the time this news rea
ACches your
eyes.
Next, I feel compelled to mention the release of
S
ACcandal, a great
new e-mag which was coded, written for, and planned by
H
ACeat
W
ave of
I
ntegrity,
Q
uestor and
M
avrik of
M
istigris, and man
ACy other great
I
ntegrity and
M
ist
artists. It takes up where
R
ecoil, the old review e-mag,
AC leaves off,
combining reviews by respected artists with informative articles
AC as well.
Coding was enigmatic, and it did things I've never seen any othe
ACr mag do
before. Issue number one was great, and number two should be out
AC any day now.
The next e-mag to feature a
M
istigris presence w
ACould be
U
nreal, a
longtime project of
R
anma and
I
nnate
M
al
ACice. This would be more of an
'
informing
-
the
-
scene
'
mag, featu
ACring guest writers from big groups like
L
egend through to small groups like
G
rip and, ye
ACs, us. It's not out yet, but
it will be shortly.
While we're on the subject of e-mags, let me mention a s
ACide project
being worked on by
C
oyote and I:
C
oncrete. A ver
ACy opaque memberlisting is
included in this issue of
K
ithe, as a promotion, to disp
AClay the type of
lucid writing which it will feature. But
C
oncrete will g
ACo beyond sheer
electronic magazines... it will do things that have never been d
ACone before,
and will never be done again. Plans are being implemented for th
ACe kosher
mode, the barney mode, the morse code and semaphore mode, the
project-on-bedroom-wall-and-interface-with-light-pen mode, and t
AChe closed
captioning, along with several featured freaks of physics such a
ACs the
famed
M
oëbius strip and
S
chrodinger's
C
a
ACt. It will not be a magazine: it
will be an experience. It will not be about
'
the art sce
ACne
'
, but about art,
life, and creative insanity. It has been defined as
'
cyb
ACer
-
gothic
-
absurdist
'
.
Let us merely warn you that people with weak wills or those who
ACare prone to
epileptic fits should not venture into the depths of this progra
ACm.
Members of
M
istigris are in the process of makin
ACg a computerized
version of the famous
S
pace
H
ulk board game by
AC
G
ames
W
orkshop. What, you say,
there already is one? Well, yeah, but that one licked. Due to co
ACpyright
infringements and such, however, all the art will be done by
AC
M
istigris
members! Isn't that exciting? Of course, it'll be freeware.
What else to advertise... oh yes... any day now,
net
ACsafe should be
completed. What is
netsafe
, you ask? We decided that we
ACwere sick of seeing
garbled ansis posted on nets. This handy little program will aut
AComatically
strip ansis of
td
raw codes, delete the 80th column, re-s
ACave at 69 lines, and
optionally strip
SAUCE
or dump to
ascii
or greys
ACcale, to save the world from
ever again having to gaze upon a screenload of scrambled net vom
ACit.
C
oyote has propositionned us with the prospect o
ACf printing
M
istigris
t
-
shirts. We're no
AC
i
D
, but with our t
ACurnover rate we figure that we could
have everyone in the scene wearing one by next February. Design
ACoptions are
being sketched and the whole process is going on right now... oo
ACh, how
exciting. We would keep prices as low as possible, for after all
AC, what do we
need with money when we have fish and no tea? Keep your eyes pee
ACled until
next month for an update.CAnd if a tee is too grand for you, w
ACe're also
probably going to go along and print up some
groovy
(I c
ACan say it here too)
M
istigris decals to stamp on your car, guitar, or sister
AC's face. In fact, the
decals will accompany the shirt! Of course, they'll also be able
AC to be bought
seperately. This whole process sounds very exciting, but there's
AC always the
matter of the start-up fees and the actual art which has to be d
ACrawn.
this may be a pipe dream, but it's an exciting one. If you think
AC that you
might shell out
$20
canadian (about
$15
american
AC I believe) for a high-
quality, multicoloured shirt from your favorite band of procrast
ACinators and
newbies, please drop me a line. (our e-mail addresses appear lat
ACer in the mag)
T
he
D
igital
N
ecromancer aka
ACSummonner has completed a cinematic
piece of rendering involving several
'
mechs knocking the
AC stuffing out of
each other on the field of battle. Screen shots were not availab
ACle at the
time of release, but we hope to have a couple close-ups of gratu
ACitous
violence for our blood-slavering audience by the next pack's rel
ACease.
Lessee... anything else in production... a music disk, t
AChe loader...
the BBS software of course which
M
axwell scrapped and is
AC re-starting...
if
W
intermute was still a member of
M
ist, we'd m
ACention the new version of
D
ialtone, his comm program, but seeing as he's not anymo
ACre, we'll just
pretend that I never said that.
OH yes... I almost forgot.
"
I
,
C
thulu of
M
istigris
P
ACroductions, sincerely promise to try to
release a pack every month so people won't think we're dead and
ACwon't go off
and join other groups or be forced to ask when the next pack wil
ACl be."
We'll try to be more consistant with our releasing sched
ACual, but not
if it compromises the quality of our packs. It really isn't anyb
ACody's
business but our own when we release, how much we release, or if
AC we even
release at all instead of hording all that great art to ourselve
ACs! AHAH!
Erhm... no. Look for us in September for our year's anni
ACversary.
Signing off...
___
AC
|
AC \
.---__ .---
AC------. O
', .,' .
AC---(o)o),
cthulu "i am not a fish"
; `
AC .. | o
.' __'`.
AC )---.' .
mistigris
--- `---
AC------'
mogul
AC
AC
^- cthulu
Look a fish!
\
\ ''''';
[ oo ,,,/
_ ' /'
\__/ /
I /
I/
I
I
I
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
Fish by
M
avrik, man by
H
appyfish.
%%
%%More
A fish and his pet Cthulu
New Groups of the 604
■
[
ACF
]
A
nti
-C
hatboarder
F
ACront
■
Founder
: A
nyone who finds chatboarders excessiv
ACely annoying
■
Duration
:
since chatboarders have been around
A very loosely organized coilition consisting of everyone who is
ACn't a
chatboarder.
■
[
│)∩(┤
]
D
ynamic
N
atural
A
ACrtists
■
Founder
: V
endetta
■
Duration
:
New
Some guys never learn...
■
[
Pog
]
P
ages
o
f
G
enesis
AC
C
ouriering
■
Founder
: T
he
N
arccissist
■
Duration
:
2-3 years dead?
A courier group so obscure I've never even heard of it. Peculiar
AC,
considering that I learned lit beneath the former leader of it.
■
[
RDN
]
RAD
i
ANCE
■Founder
:
Z
i
NC
■
Duration
:
New
A new group boasting a need for (surprise surprise) ANSi artists
AC, musicians,
coders, etc, etc... they just don't seem to get it, do they?CT
AChey seem to have
found their niche with musicians, finally, and are settling down
AC.
■
[
SCD
]
S
candal
■
Founder
: H
eat
W
ave
■
Duration
:
New
One more E-mag in production. Will it ever get anywhere? Tune in
AC next month
to find out.
■UPDATE
Well, issue one's out. Neat. If it can be released monthly, I ca
ACn see this
becoming one of the better mags in the scene.
■
[
TBL
]
T
he
B
loody
L
oozer
ACs
■
Founder
: T
he
D
ark
D
emon
■
Duration
:
New
Another attempt to start a group in an area code with no good ar
ACtists free.
Alas. I guess the name is rather self-effacing, but the mere int
ACent denotes
a lack of understanding as to the motives behind their choosing
ACof that name.
Then again, sometimes a cigar is only a cigar.
■
[
TFD
]
T
he
F
uzzy
D
igest
■
Founder
: T
he
C
row
■
Duration
:
New
Another E-mag. Who gives a hoot? (Don't pollute!)
%%
%%Hard
Coyote and Cthulu (no fish)
The House of Concrete
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AC■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
AC
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AC ████████ █████████ ████████
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AC■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
AC
A
Random
Collage
AC
Of
Thoughts
Via
A
Random
C
AC
adre
Of
Rogues
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AC■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
AC
T
h
e
H
o
AC
use
O
f
C
o
ncrete
Y
o
u
W
ACi
ll
N
e
ver
L
e
AC
ave
You Will Never Want To
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
AC■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
AC
I am in a strange place.
I once thought this was Death. Perhaps; the endless static sky
overhead and the skein of intertransposed thought do nothing to
deny it.
I am in the land that is juxtaposed between life and death.
There is nothing but static. The heavens are static, the horizo
ACn
is static. The very air around me is buzzing, hissing, black,
white.
Very strange indeed, for a newcomer like myself.
The static clears, as might a television coming into tune.
T
HE
MIST
I am on a plain, an endless sea of grey stone cement. Waves
AC are
frozen in mid-tide, cresting forever. There is a dusty cloud of
m
ist in the distance. It is all I can see.
So I walk towards the
m
ist. After many days\seconds of
ACwalking
(it is difficult to tell) the mist envelops me.
Faces scream at me, laugh at me, seeming to emanate from the
thick hazing fog. They dissipate like steam.
Hands reach out for me, strong hands, whipcord-knotted and angry
AC.
They clutch at my clothing, yet they accomplish nothing. As per
the faces, they fade quickly into nothing.
Afterwards, the mist begins to form itself into a sensible
pattern. I see many pictures. Words. Insights and emotions.
ACI
am fascinated. Disturbed.
THE
H
OUSE OF
CONCRETE
In the very center of this mist is a house. A massive house
AC,
formed of
c
oncrete. Carved ornately and massively. Not
AChing more
than a haunted house, a hall of horrors, at first investigation.
Gargoyles leer from it's stories. There are hundreds and
thousands of stories in this house, I may never explore them all
AC.
I walk up a dirt path onto the veranda, and look around.
The front door is made of oak, and is huge. Hanging on the
polished door is a platinum knocker. I lift the heavy device,
and rap firmly on the door.
FERAL
, THE
G
UARDIAN OF THE
H
OUS
ACE
The door creaks open, slightly.
I see no one. I hear something, however.
A rushing sound, growing louder and louder from the bowels of th
ACe
house. It builds to a crescendo until the door flings open
violently and it explodes outwards.
A streak of fangs and talons launch itself at me.
Under the great brute strength of this beast, I am flung off the
veranda and onto the loose dirt of the yard. I am trapped,
pinned by the vicious paws of the
F
eral.
"Who are you?" It snarls diabolically.
"A lone wanderer. Solitary and lost." I respond weakly. My
breath has been knocked from my lungs.
"What do you want here?" It bares it's razor-blade teeth, each
one eager to tear my flesh from my bones.
"Well, er... I'm not really sure. It looked interesting."
"What is the average flight-speed velocity of a laden swallow?"
It's claws dig deeper into my chest in sadistic anticipation of
the gory feast that lay within.
"African or European?"
Beat.
The
F
eral looks slightly disappointed. "You've seen it,
AC then.
Right, off you go." And it slithers off, allowing me to stand
and brush the dirt from my person.
Reverently, under the hungry yet restrained glare of the passive
F
eral, I mount the steps and walk past the threshold int
ACo the
interior of the House.
LIVEWIRE
'S
R
OOM
But now I am in a large room that is apparently empty except for
one horrifically massive electrical outlet covering one entire
wall. It is white and pristine. I do not comprehend the
significance of this.
After a few moments of contemplation, I reach out and touch the
outlet. This is a bad idea: It is a
l
ivewire.
From out of the wall socket creeps a long sparkling beast,
uttering intelligent inanities and spinning about my head.
"Who are you?" I bemuse.
But it keeps right on spinning, nary a word.
Before long, I grow dizzy and try to escape, but a sequence of
bizarre things happen. First, the
l
ivewire splits and l
ACeaps down
all available bodily orifices, electrocuting me instantly. The
second thing is that I leap into the next available universe,
which happens to be exactly like the one I was in before except
for that fact that there is a squashed fly in the wall next to
the outlet now, where there hadn't been before. The
l
iv
ACewire
retreats to it's den once more.
Thankful for the opportunity to escape, I dart out of the room
and up another winding staircase, looking for some sense in this
strange place.
MEIJA
'S
A
UDITORIUM
At the top of the stairs lay an expansive room, filled with
people of dubious nature thrashing around and the loud, rupturou
ACs
sound of punk rock being pounded out of speakers strategically
located around the room. At the far end of the room I see a
surreal band on stage, apparently torturing their instruments.
ACI
almost recognize them: they seem to be spitting images of
R
ACancid.
Behind the stage, located in a depression between two gargantuan
Marshall stacks, is positioned a demonically huge throne,
upholstered in blood-red leather and garnished with ornate black
spikes and iron-wrought crosshatch grids. Seated in this
devil-chair is a giant mexican with a mohawk and and muscular
build.
Though I am on the far side of the room, he glimpses me and
points at me. Suddenly, the music stops and all the people cease
their slamdancing and turn to stare at me.
For many minutes, the scene remains frozen like this. Just when
it couldn't get any more unbearable, the crowd screams and begin
ACs
to rush at me.
I dive through the crowd and run, fearing for my life. I leap o
ACn
stage and realize how truly massive this throne and it's bearer
actually are. However, I have no time to ponder it, as the crow
ACd
is rapidly gaining on me.
I pelt through a door betwixt the giant's legs and slammed it
shut behind me. The sounds of the angry mob on the other side
vanish instantly.
THE
LUPO
R
OOM
The next room I came to was large and filled with meat and
tomatos. There was a large blue butcher in the middle of the
room. He was holding a very large and bloody butcher knife, and
butchers tend to do, and wearing a pair of
C
onverse snea
ACkers.
He threatened to kill me, so I left.
NITNATSNOC
'S
R
OOM
As I wander the hallways, I notice strands of popular rock music
fading in and out of the walls above my head. I decide to
attempt to follow it and perhaps locate someone with a sense of
direction. I have suddenly developed the overwhelming urge to
escape this oppressive house.
I turn the corner and open the only available door. Inside is a
man of Japanese descent, with a large amount of hair, curiously
and carefully coiffed into a style that would undoubtedly make
the most immaculate Elvis impersonator quiver with repressed
jealousy. He is reclined on a chesterfield. The exquisite
sounds of Queen drift aimlessly through the room.
The walls of the room are plastered, in some places two times
over, with pictures of Freddie Mercury and the other various
members of
Q
ueen, along with scenes from the Highlander
ACmovies
and Flash Gordon. I cannot see the wallpaper underneath them.
The floor is rife with chrome CDs and vinyl LPs and their
respective cases or slipcovers, and the ceiling bears a massive
chandelier. On closer inspection I see that each crystal of the
chandellier is carved intricately in the image of what seems to
be the venerable Freddie Mercury. I see a small brightly-costum
ACed
rodent perched in it.
In addition, quite a few speakers are located at various points
in corners, though the music resounding from them is tuned to a
respectable and decent volume.
Finally, there is a small Zoroasterian shrine in the corner, boa
ACsting
two small round lumps of flesh upon an altar made of Vanilla Ice
AC's skin.
The man stands. He is composed and bears a friendly countenance
AC.
My heart leaps for joy, for here perhaps is the one sane person
in the house, who will lead me to freedom! I fumble over my
words in my exhilaration.
"May I.. er.."
"Brian. Brian May," the man quickly retorted.
"You, erh, well... uhm.... You have a lot of Queen stuff here."
He frowns. In the background, the rodent - which appears to be
ACa
gerbil - seems to fly down and settle itself in one of the large
ACr
shrines.
"Yes, we suppose we do. We like Queen. We think they're the be
ACst
band on earth." His face turns red. The music turns louder and
becomes somewhat more frenzied. "You aren't implying that they
AREN'T, are you? You aren't criticizing our taste in MUSIC, are
you?"
"No! Of course not! I was merely pointing out, well... I guess
I was just assuming that you like them."
The music jumps one or two volume notches.
"We just said that we liked them! Are you trying to subtly sugg
ACest that
we're stupid? Is that what you're trying to say? Do you think
that we're a quivering moron because we appreciate the finer mus
ACic
in life?"
"No! Not at-"
"No? By disagreeing with us, are you attempting to tell us that
our opinion means absolutely nothing to you? That our perspecti
ACve
is completely and utterly worthless? Are you denying that
w
ACe
a
re
t
he
c
hampions? Do you really not believe us whe
ACn we say that
w
e
w
ill
r
ock
y
ou?"
By this time the music is quite loud and deafening. In
exasperation, I shout, "Is there nothing I can say that you
won't take offense to?"
He thinks for a moment, looking considerably
u
nder
p
ACressure. For
a moment it looks like he might have a
s
heer
h
ea
ACrt
a
ttack. Then
he relaxes and the volume jumps down considerably.
"Yes. You can relate how incredibly spiffy Queen is, confide in
us how they changed your life through their touching and
heartfelt music, and then begin to gibber and spout like a
raving, obsessed maniac."
"I'll do no such thing." I don't. Instead, I begin to leave.
The Japanese Elvis impersonator resumes his listening experience
on the chesterfield sofa, calmly and as if nothing had happened,
while dreaming of
f
at
b
ottomed
g
irls.
THE
C
AVE OF
WHITE INSANITY
I soon found myself walking down a doorless, uniform hallway
AC. I
can see no end in either direction, and soon find myself anxious
and confused. I begin to run.
After hours of this, the monotony breaks and the walls opened up
into a bulbous white cave, festooned with stalactites and in the
very center, an ancient carved pillar.
On this pillar, raised about three feet from the ground, is a
little wizened and shriveled gnome sitting cross-legged and
looking very wise. His beard and hair hang well past the top of
the pillar and reach for the floor of the cave. I am stricken
immediately by the amazing lack of stature the wizened creature
possesses... he seems withdrawn into the recesses of his gentle
white gown.
The little troll looks at me.
"Come forth, O studious wanderer."
At this point, I realize the wise little gnome is wearing tiny
ear-bud headphones, connected to a cord that runs down and into
the thick folds of his robe.
I take a wary, respectful step forward.
"What captivating and antedeluvian melodies a sage of your great
sagacity and brilliance must muse upon!" I begin to grovel. Her
ACe
is a being that clearly deserved the admiration and respect of
all humanity.
"O student, thou shalt hear the truth, and the truth shall be
called
P
rimus!"
The words envelope my being.
"Faith shall manifest itself in the making of shrines and the
sacrificing of small woodland creatures to the Venerable Les
Claypool!"
I begin to tremble in spiritual ecstasy.
"Now go forth, and do these things!"
I start to hallucinate in holy joy. In my vision, I see the
little wrinkled troll falling off his pillar and being impaled o
ACn
an upright stalagmite. My vision ends abruptly.
"You're crazy, little shriveled troll!"
He looks thoughtful.
"Quite true... I am
I
nsanity, incarnate. And you are a
AC ceramic
gnome."
He returns to the depths of his music, and I exit the cavern of
W
hite
I
nsanity.
CTHULU
'S
R
OOM
A draft pulls me along to the end of the hall, where a dark and
mysteriously evil door both compels and revulses me. But
compulsion eventually wins over, and I enter, pulling the black
door shut behind me with an ominous and echoing boom.
Inside, a nighttime fear-riddled darkness. I hear a strange
song... 'Call Of
K
tulu'. It is very loud. There are ve
ACry
out-of-place pan pipes in the background, mindlessly piping
an insane, inhuman gibbering melody. Everytime the vocalist
gets to the part that said 'Ktulu', a little tomato pops up
from behind a chesterfield, shouts in an amusingly high-pitched
yet darkly macabre voice, '
C
THULU!', and hops a little d
ACance to
the overpowering beat. I walk over to the little tomato.
"And who are you, you curious little beast?"
"I AM
C
THULU."
I am indeed skeptical of this innocent-looking little fruit.
Though his attitude is ferocious enough, as he viciously bounces
up and down in a maddening rhythm, the sight is simply too
comical for me to take the claim seriously.
"I fear I don't believe you."
"Good," Appears a voice from somewhere behind my left shoulder.
"Because I am
C
thulhu."
I turn and see a massive terrible monster, too hideous to
describe in words... ground beef is the closest I can come.
Carnivorous, cognizant ground beef. With tentacles for teeth.
I shudder in fear and disgust.
But all is not over. A black being with no face steps out from
behind a molecule and I realize before he said a word that this
is the True Blue
C
thulu.
In fact, they all are.
They are all different incarnations of the same soul.
And it suddenly gets too deep for me. So I leave.
%%
%%Or
fish (no Coyote or Cthulu)
The House of Concrete part 2
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A
Random
Collage
O
AC
f
Thoughts
Via
A
Random
C
ACadre
Of
Rogues
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AC
T
h
e
H
o
AC
use
O
f
C
o
ncrete
Y
o
u
W
i
AC
ll
N
e
ver
L
e
ACave
Y
o
u
W
i
AC
ll
N
e
ver
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a
ACnt
T
o
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AC
DIAMOND TRAVELLER
AND HIS
D
IAMOND
AC
T
RAVELLING
M
ACHINE
Outside the
R
oom of
C
thulu is not the hallway I
ACexpect, but
instead a new room, seemingly made entirely out of carbon
crystal. The walls sparkle and shine like sunbeams reflecting
from the purest gem.
At the center is an upright, enigmatic diamond device with a
concave about the size of a man. As I examine it, without
warning it begins to glow and the shape of a rumpled man appears
in the center.
Out steps a man completely garbed in a space travel suit. His
face is completely obscured.
He stands a few feet from me, saying nothing. His space suit is
colorfully designed, with whorls and designs of the most animate
ACd
nature.
I attempt to speak to him, but receive no response.
Eventually tiring of this futile exercise, I sigh and leave. The
d
iamond
t
raveller takes no notice.
DOCTOR STRANGE
'S
R
OOM
Outside of the diamond traveller's room is a short hall with a
reflective metal door at one end. As I approach this door, it
suddenly flings open and an intensely odd individual bursts
through. He is wearing all black underneath a stained and
bloodied lab coat. He carries a large, well-polished axe.
"NO! Carry the eight! Carry the eight!" He screams venomously
AC,
with a slight trace of a british accent, and begins to hack
viciously at a small, innocent bust of Charles Babbage, sitting
in the wall to my left.
After about eighteen minutes of this vigorous activity, he cease
ACs
and notices me for the first time. The bust is by this time
crushed finer than salt.
He eyes me suspiciously.
"Who the heck are you?" Before I can answer, he develops an
angry tic and spits out, "You're not a SQUIRREL, are you?"
"No-" He ignores my answer completely.
"Because I hate them, the furry bastards! With their bright eye
ACs
and bushy tails... By Gor, if I were to see one right now..." Ou
ACt
of the corner of my eye, I see a cat-sized black squirrel scampe
ACr
across the floor behind his back and begin to blow messy
raspberries at the doctor's back.
"Like that one?" I say, pointing.
He whirls on a pinpoint and launches himself, blade flying. Afte
ACr
a short and bloody battle (mostly the squirrel's blood), the dus
ACt
from the bust settles and the strange doctor hoists the
now-defunct rodent high, trophy-like.
"I've been hunting this bloody ankle-biter for months... Because
of you, I've finally done him in. Many thanks... Would you like
to come in?" He says cheerily, indicating his domain. Before I
can decline, I am yanked inside and the door shuts behind me.
The inner chamber is lined with about a thousand candles, all
burning brightly. They are the only available source of light,
and they flicker and waver in some invisible breeze. At the
center of the room is an operating table, and on this table,
instead of a gruesome biological experiment or array of bodily
organs, lay sprawled the various internal working of a clearly
powerful computer.
The strange doctor places the headless squirrel inside the
computer, quickly and efficiently assembles the remaining parts,
and with a dramatic flourish, plugs it in and flips the power
switch.
Nothing at all happens.
"Damn!" He expletates. "It should've worked! Squirrel-based
technology was supposed to have been the wave of the future!"
Seeing that he is quite obviously getting worked up, I decide it
would be in my best interests to leave, quickly and quietly.
GROND
As I turn to stand up, he spins towards me, with a maddening
AC glare
in his eyes, brandishing the aforementionned squirrel-killing de
ACvice.
I innocuously back against a wall as the hatchet on steroids is
AChurled
towards my head. It catches the wall a mere fraction of an inch
AC from
my arm, catching the fabric of my shirt, but I cautiously extrac
ACt
my appendage from the indent, failing to cut it. The bloodily g
ACleaming
axe must, therefore, be distressingly blunt. Not so much a cutt
ACing tool
as a large, stainless-steel bludgeoning apparatus, in true middl
ACe ages
fashion. The wild-eyed scientist giggles inanely and says, "You
AC failed
to introduce yourself to Grond. She is most perturbed by impoli
ACte
visitors."
The white-clad man rushes up to me and attempts to extract the a
ACxe from
the wall, huffing and puffing merrily. At long last, he yanks i
ACt out
from its new abode, complete with a large section of wood panell
ACing.
I take the opportunity to sneak out through the newly opened sec
ACtion of
the wall.
PAUL ATREIDES
'
R
OOM
I run through darkness for several minutes, fleeing for the
sanctity of my head. The floor's consistancy becomes looser and
looser, and eventually I am forced to my hands and knees from
exhaustion. This new position reveals the cause of my difficult
ACy:
I was no longer running on a smooth sterile floor, but was ankle
AC-deep
in rich warm desert sand. At this realization, the pitch blackn
ACess became
lifted, as if there had been a barrier between me and the sky, a
ACnd I could
see the lifeless cold stars twinkling down at me across eternity
AC. I could
recognize none of the constellations, but one particular arrange
ACment seemed
to ressemble a desert mouse. It is while looking at this curiou
ACs pattern
that I become aware of a most peculiar sound...
<<
THUMP
>>
<<THUMP
>>
<<THUMP
>>
Rhythmically, in time with the "thumper", small rivulets of
ACsand begin
cascading down the bleak darkened dunes. The hairs on the back
ACof my
neck raise, and I get the distinct impressions both that it is n
ACo
longer safe to be here and that I am not alone.
"So you, too, find guidance from the Muad'dib."
Not so much surprised, but taken unawares, I face the owner of t
AChis voice.
He is a short boy, nay, man, weilding two large hooks in his han
ACds. Plugs
and tubes run out of his nose, mouth, and where I guess his hear
ACt to be,
but his most unusual feature would be his eyes. Thoroughly blue
AC, from
centre to rim, bluer than the fresh lakes of my homeland, which
ACI sense
this planet has never known.
"You must come with me if you are to survive without a stillsuit
AC."
The man indicates his black rubber attire, complete with small p
ACumps,
valves, and transparent tubes running along its surface. Inside
AC the
tubes I can see beads of moisture forming. The boots of the sui
ACt are,
as well, immacculately arranged, the pants being folded in a man
ACner
that one would ordinarily never choose to do.
However, my past experiences with the good Doctor Strange have e
ACnlightened
me greatly on the evils of following strangers into unknown plac
ACes, and
I shake my head in negation.
The thumping becomes drowned out by what seems to be an earthqua
ACke, and I
am forced to cover my ears. The ground trembles and shivers, an
ACd the dunes
rearrange themselves, golden sandy waves in eternal swells and c
ACrests.
I am tossed around as a ragdoll in a sandbox, while Paul somehow
AC maintains
his footing on the shifting sands. Then, as the noise becomes u
ACnbearable,
a mighty roar erupts and a monolithic worm burts out of the sand
AC. Paul
uses his hooks to pry open a segment of the worm's armour and is
AC lifted up.
As he mounts the giant invertebrate as one would a horse, he yel
ACls down to
me, "If you won't come with me, at least take some spice!"
I bellow, "What will it do to me?"
He responds from the top of his buckling mount, "Nothing, as lon
ACg as you're
not running Windows '95!" and throws down a small pouch. I pick
ACit up and
smell a strong aroma of cinnamon.
"I won't take it! How can I trust you?"
At that Paul scrunches up his face, clears his throat a few time
ACs to
collect phlegm, then says again, in a gremlinish voice, "TAKE TH
ACE SPICE."
I find myself opening the pouch and snorting its contents merril
ACy.
Before I can say "Harkonnen", I am lost in a wave of unconciousn
ACess.
A very boring sequence then takes place in which I see lots of w
ACater
falling, dripping, splooshing, and making lots of noise in slow
ACmotion.
Then I awake, in sandy clothing, in a clean white corridor. I ma
ACke my way
through the many rooms of the house once again.
COYOTE
'S
D
EN
I am beginning to grow weary. The sense that my odd adventure i
ACs
about to come to a climax weighs heavily. I find myself in a
wondrously and richly furnished room with a vaulted ceiling, gil
ACt
trims, and thick persian rugs.
At the far end of the room is a raised dais. There is nothing o
ACn
it. Faint strains of stirring electric guitar chords, with
a spiritual, almost celtic touch to them, seem to emanate from
nowhere in particular. I am drawn forward, encased in almost a
dreamlike state.
I trip on one of the rugs and fall on my nose.
I begin to hear laughter, in the form of high, sharp barks,
coming from behind me. After repeated attempts to rise, I pull
myself up and slowly, carefully acheived an upright position.
Breaking free of the phantasmic daydream, I whirl to confront th
ACe
scorner, but there is no one there. Instead, the mocking laugh
leaps to the far left, just beyond my line of sight. I spin and
rush in that direction, determined to catch the jester before he
can vanish, but I am too late; he is now to the right of the
dias, directly opposite of where I'm facing.
About half a dozen times I spin and charge, but to no avail; the
laugh just gets more energetic and frenetic. I am growing more
weary than I thought possible; the laugh is violent and almost
wracking, and I begin to wonder, not particularly
sympathetically, if it is possible to die laughing.
I decide, eventually, that rushing after an invisible clown is a
waste of effort, so I sit down in front of the dias and address
the ghostly mockery.
"I will sit here until you decide to show yourself."
The laughing dies away, with many chokes and giggles. "You may
be sitting there for quite a long time, you know."
"I don't care; I'm not going to chase you and make a spectacle o
ACf
myself any longer."
The voice now moves to position itself on the dias, and it speak
ACs
again, composed though somewhat amused.
"Though I doubt you will, you can turn around any time. I've ha
ACd
my fun for the day."
"Thank you for your offer, trickster, but I don't quite trust
you." I confirm, rubbing my nose tenderly.
"Trickster! What an accurate guess." At this, a large grand
piano falls out of a carbon atom about thirty-five feet to my
left and splinters noisily on the stone floor. "You're correct,
I am the Trickster, though I am known by many names. Loki,
Succubane, Poltergeist. But to most, I am commonly refered to a
ACs
Coyote."
A raging locomotive bursts from nowhere on the other side of the
room and flies at us, full-speed and out of control. I cringe,
expecting to be crushed to a pulp, but instead the train rushes
into another dimension, about six inches short of my face.
Still not turning, I continue the line of conversation. "Not
that Wile E. Coyote character from the old cartoons?"
"Of course not. He was my cousin. He got the short end of the
luck stick, I'm afraid. He was always somewhat bitter towards
me, seeing as how I got a native Indian deity in my honor and he
couldn't even catch a stinking bird." I could sense Coyote
smirking. "But then again, he got a Burger King mug with his
face on it. Boy, I turned green with envy when I saw that one."
Though I hadn't noticed it at first, a gradual shift in
background music has occurred. Now, I realize that it has gone
from the slow, solo guitar fingering to a full blown jazz unit.
"So. How do you like my house?"
I am not quite sure how to answer that.
"It's been... an interesting visit."
"Ah, yes. Bloody annoying and confusing, eh? I thought so. The
ACn
again, that was my purpose in building it in the first place.
Nothing amuses me more than some pathetic, humorless moron makin
ACg
a complete dick of his or herself. No offense, of course."
"You are a very sick person."
He giggles, slightly madly.
"Yes, today has definitely been one for the record books. You,
my friend, have made my day quite worth waking up to."
"I'm so terribly glad I succeeded in entertaining you. But
frankly, I'm tired of this place and I want to leave." I am
starting to get agitated. This character is putting me somewhat
on edge.
"Leave? Where to, dear heart?"
I think about it a moment. I am having a hard time remembering
anything previous to the mist outside the house. Many times, I
think I know, and even open my mouth to say it. But each time,
ACI
realize I have nothing to say. After numerous attempts, Coyote
cuts me short.
"See? You have no where else to go." He muses for a moment. "
ACI
suppose I could always bring back your memories... Assuming I
have them." He holds out one hand. "See, on this hand, I could
have all of your recollections, just sitting in a jar in some
obscure room, hidden but quite real. Perhaps I even know where
they are." He holds out the other. "However, on this other
hand, I could be just trying to get your hopes up. Who knows?"
He shrugs. "Perhaps your memories are gone forever. Perhaps yo
ACu
never had any to begin with.
"At any rate, I've had such a wonderful day, I think I'll keep
you around for a while. If you decide to try and look for your
mind - who knows, could be in this very room, though I wouldn't
place any bets on it - well, best of luck. Though if I were you
AC,
I'd just sit back and enjoy the place. Heaven forbid you ever
get tired of it."
At this point, I turn around to look at my tormentor, but with a
laugh, he is already fading quickly. I catch a glimpse of a
furry, fox-like creature, but before my mind can assimilate it,
there is nothing.
The jazz music has faded out as well; in it's place is a wild
carnival melody, jumping up and down and around me as I stand
alone in this place of madness, this house of concrete.
ONE OF THE MYRIAD HALLWAYS
I now wander the halls.
I meet many strange characters. From time to time Coyote visits
me. He makes references to the possibility of my previous
thoughts. I try not to think about them. I know that would be
the first step to madness.
Rarely do I rediscover the denizens of the house that I have
already met. Instead, I am constantly meeting newer and strange
ACr
ones, each with an odd and varying level of insanity.
I am starting to fit right in. I am, though I hate to admit it,
starting to feel right at home.
Perhaps Coyote was right.
Perhaps I have no previous memories. Perhaps, I have been in th
ACe
house of concrete forever.
And perhaps I shall exist here forevermore.
%%
%%1.
Mister Paranoia (and Eoanya)
Mister Paranoia says:
MR. PARANOIA SAYS:
PARTIES WITHOUT INVITATIONS E
ACQUAL DEATH,
DESTRUCTION, AND GENERAL CHAOS.
It's a party! You're all invited...if you have an invita
ACtion, of course
AC.
CI would like to let all of you come, you know that! But...it
AC's
invitationConly.CI made each invitation by hand, wrote with
ACa fancy calligraphy
AC pen.CItCwould beCa shame to let all that work go
ACto waste.. I mean, that's why
AC youCmakeCinvitations, right? Never buy those newfan
ACgled invitations-in-a-box.
That'sCjustCgiving in to big business. Fuel the paper indust
ACry instead. Yeah,
thatCsoundsCright. All the problems of the world stem from h
ACaving parties
withoutCdemandingCinvitations.
Just think of it. Think, for a moment, of the Big Blasts
AC in the Past. O
ACreven take fairy tales as examples, such as Sleeping Bea
ACuty. The witch that came
AC and cursed new-born Sleeping Beauty sure didn't have an
AC invitation! Now, if
there'd been guards, she would have been caught at the door. But
AC no, they just
let her waltz in without an invitation and all hell breaks loose
AC.
And getting back to the past, think of all those wars. P
ACeople just sort
AC of join in, shoot a few guys here, bomb some civilians
ACthere. But if everyone
had invitations, then the War Parties would have fewer people. L
ACess death. Just
AC invite Hitler, Hussein, Brutus, Mulroney, and a few cho
ACice others, arm them all
AC with pitchforks, drop a two dollar bill on the floor, a
ACnd lock the door. The
next morning, order a few firemen to hose the remains of the par
ACty-goers off
the floor, ceiling, and walls, and PRESTO! A successful party! A
ACnd so, in
closing, I blame all the problems of the world on hosting partie
ACs without
invitations. I refuse to give any more examples; you can probabl
ACy think of a
dozen more. By the way, I'm having a party on Friday. Drop by.
%%
%%2.
Mister Paranoia (and Eoanya)
Mister Paranoia says:
MR. PARANOIA
SAYS
: VIOLENCE IS CAUSED SOLELY
ACBY SERVING LITTLE HOT-DOGS ON
TOOTHPICKS
It's true. Little hot-dogs on toothpicks
=
viole
ACnce at parties. Sadly,
many people continue to serve little hot-dogs, and even little p
ACieces of salami
AC,on toothpicks. These people should be taught the errors
AC of their ways- forcibly
AC.
Maybe they'll read this and change their ways. May
ACbe YOU, dear reader,
have served little hot-dogs on toothpicks before, and gasped in
ACawe and
immediateCshame as you read the title of this little story. Be
ACcause, as you of
course know, Mr. Paranoia is
ALWAYS
right! (listen to th
ACe voices in your head.)
AC
Well, you say, why SHOULD I stop serving weenies-on-stic
ACks? After all,
they're always a big hit! Now I shall answer that deep, probing
ACquestion by
proving beyond a beef of a doubt that little hot-dogs on sticks
ACcan and should
be associated with rowdy behaviour at parties.
First, let us go through it by the order of elimination.
AC What, at a
party, could cause a guest to become violent? Wine and other alc
ACoholic
beverages are definitely out. After all, they are made from grap
ACes and other
fruits, which feel no pain as they die. Breadsticks are too full
AC of air to be
evil, and they are constructed from wheat. But little hot-dogs..
AC.they're made
from COWS! Bulls, to be more exact. Beef. Moo. Now how do you th
ACink a cow feels
AC when its insignificant life is terminated for such a me
ACasly little greasy hors
d'oeuvre? And then, to add insult to this great injustice, a lit
ACtle
TOOTHPICK
is stabbed through this piece of cow!
Now, say most average party-goers, cows don't know all t
AChis, do they?
Well, answers I,
OF COURSE THEY DO
! Cows have infiltrate
ACd our society since
the turn of the century. They have stood idle, watching people i
ACnsult them in
such degrading and crass ways, and been helpless to act. But now
AC, they have
sympathizers. In fact, a cow lover could be hiding under your be
ACd!
And when these cow sympathizers see these great injustic
ACes to cows,
they begin to think. About how many cows could have blossomed in
ACto great
inventors and philosophers, had their lives not been terminated
ACso early.
Many humans are learning
C
ow, and as the language barrie
ACr breaks down, they
begin to understand these great mammals better. And so, when the
ACy see little
hot-dogs on toothpicks being offered at parties, they feel the l
ACoss as deeply
as the death of a brother. They strike out, cursing in
C
ACow and
H
uman, picking
fights with others, and drinking excess amounts of alcohol. That
AC is why
serving little hot-dogs or other cow byproduct tidbits on toothp
ACicks at
parties is dangerous.
Of course, I am not saying that you should cease serving
AC the
aforementioned goodies! In fact, you should serve more. And see
ACwho reacts.
With this twisted plot, we may seek out and destroy the cow symp
ACathizers.
Before they threaten the American lifestyle! Must
KILL
!
ACBefore cows become as
sentient as man!
KILL KILL KILL
!
Disclaimer: No part of this document should be taken in any way
ACseriously.
%%
%%3.
Mister Paranoia (and Eoanya)
Mister Paranoia says:
MR. PARANOIA SAYS
: CATNIP COULD KILL
AC YOU!
Catnip is no longer a harmless happy-drug for your preci
ACous kitty. Top
scientists of the world have been closely studying this dubious
ACdrug, and have
come to the astounding conclusion: Catnip could kill you! Indire
ACctly, of course
AC.
Just look at the evidence. Have you ever seen your precious cat
ACasleep on its
back, cuddling a toy mouse stuffed of catnip?
Of course you have. Now think back to when you last saw
ACthis, and try
to remember: What was the expression on your cat's face?
Shocking, isn't it? I'll bet your cat was smiling, smug,
AC evil smiles.
Well, that's because catnip helps cats remember a time long ago,
AC when they
were in power! Of course your cat smiles! It's dreaming of you a
ACcting as a
servant, as it was in the
O
ld
L
ife. It dreams of
AC all the power cats used to
have, right up until that fateful day when their great leader,
AC
P
rimus, was
assassinated.
There was, of course, no proof that a human caused the f
ACeline's death.
But still, the cat was strangled... Well, about when your cat re
ACmembers that,
its expression will turn nasty. First the teeth will innocently
ACbare themselves
AC at you when your back is turned. Then giving kitty a ba
ACth will become most
impossible. Soon, you'll have to move... but the cat will follow
AC! All its
memories of oppression by humans will surface in a mad frenzy an
ACd suddenly
you'll find yourself fighting twenty pounds of mini jungle cat!
And to think that all this could be prevented by simply
ACkeeping catnip
away from your cat! (and not leaving any in the zoo by the panth
ACer cage.) It's
such a waste that these once-happy cats can become so.. so.. vic
ACious. It's up
to you. Just say
NO
to catnip!
This has been a public service announcement by the
C
ACoilition for a
C
atnip-
F
ree
A
merica and the
A
nti
AC-
F
eline
F
ederation.
%%
%%Rhyme
Cthulu and the tomatoes
Rhyme time!
Since last issue's contest as to the expanded form of
AC
M
istigris if it
had been an abbreviation, we decided that the feedback on that s
ACort of public-
participation article was quite good. So we decided to print som
ACe more articles
AC unwittingly written by you, our public!
Locally on
T
he
S
creaming
T
omato,
AC
N
itnatsnoc decided to make apt use
of our
W
ord
G
ames area, combining our abundant v
ACocabularies with our sick
minds. It works like this: someone starts the first line of a po
ACem. The next
caller writes a rhyme to that. The next one, a new line. Then th
ACe next person
does a new rhyme.
All names and abbreviations have been removed to protect
AC the owners
of these colossally perverted brains.
Here is the first result:
I woke one night to find an arm
upon my head, which caused alarm.
Although I was, at first surprised,
But with some thought I realized,
"This extra arm is really neat!
Almost as good as extra feet!"
But when I went to shop downtown,
I set foot on Granville, with a frown
I only had two shoes, you see,
Everyone knows I always wear three.
Unfortunatly you can only buy them in twos,
Which makes it very hard to choose
A matching set of size 10 walkers
That are not Nike, but nice black dockers
So anyway, I bought a pair,
They were bright red, quite a scare,
And took another one,
Like Attila the Hun,
I marched on down to Canada Place
and stomped all over Jimmy Pattison's face.
Then I felt bad as he started to cry,
So I looked at him, with a glint in my eye,
Then I pulled down his pants, and grabbed his as
ACs...
Woo, that last line was full of class!
So before this story turns really rude,
I'm afraid I must act rather like a prude,
By cutting off the arm found on my head.
I drop to the ground to be found quite dead.
And this concludes our little tale...
I'll kick back, and enjoy the rest of this ale.
But what's that I see through the door of the ba
ACr?
That huge slimy green thing in front of that car
AC?
I pull out my shotgun, there's no time to waste,
I blew its fucking brains into outer space!
After nullifying this attempt at revitalizing th
ACe plot,
Cthulu realizes that this was all for naught,
And so, without further ado,
Ahh fuck it guys, this story sucks poo.
THE END.
... my friend.
Ok... that one wasn't so bad. But it gets worse...
My name is Fred Flintstone, I come from New York
AC,
I like to eat pebbles much more than raw pork.
I walk around wear a black-spotted dress
Trying not to step in Dino's last mess.
Barney Rubble's wife's got a pretty nice nice as
ACs...
It's got some nice curves and some outstanding m
ACass.
But there ain't nothing finer than my Pebble's b
ACehind,
Though I don't bring it up 'cause I've got a CLE
ACAN mind.
So lets go to the bowl-a-rama and play a few gam
ACes!
I better not bring my wife cause she'll get call
ACed nasty names.
AC She's the worst player in the whole sto
ACne age league -
When she hits just one pin, she dances a jig.
And when its all over and time to go home,
And let Dino suck on my bone,
I get stuck outside and I pound on the door
But Wilma can't hear me because she's passed out
AC on the floor.
So I sleep out all night 'cause she's gone and h
ACit the bottle..
AC. Then I climb in my peddle car and go fu
ACll throtle..
He goes so far his feet get blisters
So he comes to a stop beside some _heavenly_ sis
ACters.
"Hey ladies, how would you like to massage my fe
ACet?"
"Then we can go out and Fruity Pebbles we will e
ACat."
The ladies look at each other and then reply,
"Hey, look, a rap star! My oh my."
And Fred looked over to see Snoop Doggy Dogg!
He rode on his motorcycle, it was a big 'ole hog
AC!
Fred yelled over, "Hey Snoop, lets race!"
Snoop sped off as he sprayed Fred with mace.
Fred fell over, clutching his eye.
Snoop took his mask off, and Barney said, "Bye!"
Snoop said that's the way it goes when yer high
Fred went, "My Fruity Pebbles! And Snoop was a l
ACie!"
Barney jumped on his Snoopmobile and took off up
AC the hill,
As the G dissappeared he yelled at Freddie, 'Chi
ACll!'
That was all Fred could take, he had just had en
ACough,
So he ripped off his shirt, he was all pumped an
ACd buffed.
He flexed his muscles, showing is 36 inch guns,
The cave-man of steel, including his buns.
He chased after Snoop, fast a cheetah,
And passed an italian vender saying "Would you l
ACike-a some
meat-a?"
Forgot about Snoop and he stopped for a bite,
But Snoop kept on running, all through the night
AC,
He ran even farther than Forrest Gump,
Until one day he tripped on a bump.
He then ended up in the hospital, the news was v
ACery bad:
His injuries were terminal; the nigz were very s
ACad.
His head hang low, he was so angry, he lost his
ACteeth,
Fred took back his Fruity Pebbles, but left a wr
ACeath.
But Snoop made a miraculous recovery, he jumped
ACup with joy!
So he jumped in his '6trey and phoned up his boy
AC.
He rapped all night with his homey G's,
Then they phoned up the Wu-Tang and talked about
AC killa beez
The door was kicked open, and Fred stomped in,
Ripped off Snoop's head and tossed it in the gar
ACbage bin.
He wiped up the blood and shoved Snoop's body un
ACder the bed,
Took back his cereal and left Snoop Barney Barn
ACfor dead.
The lifeless body of the rapper G was beginning
ACto stink,
So he took it from under the bed and washed it d
ACown the sink.
Then he walked all the way home to see his wife
ACWilma,
And again passed the italian guy saying "woulda
ACyou like-a to
see-a a film-a?"
Fred said yes, and sat down to watch,
His appreciation of the cinema was raised just a
AC notch.
But he got tired at the end, and went home to sl
ACeep.
Wilma got undressed so he took a peep,
But then he realized they were married,
And thought, "How ugly, I'd rather be buried!"
So he went to bed and closed his eyes,
And dreamed of dancing pumpkin pies.
And then all the cave men died.
Everyone thought it was 'cause they were fried.
But no, the ice age made them dead.
Snoop, Wilma, and poor old Fred.
And now, on a more bizarre note... someone proposed on T
ACABNet what
it would have sounded like if Hitler had been a rapper, after so
ACmeone compared
homies to Nazis. If you are easily offended... well, then you sh
ACouldn't be
looking at a Mist pack.
Yo my name is Adolf and I'm here to say;
I love fruity pebbles in a major way.
S.S., y'all
S.S., y'all...
I suck dick in the barracks like I was Tracy Lor
ACds,
Ain't no pansy gypsy kike can hide from my horde
ACs!
Throw your hands in the air
And yell "heil" like you just don't care!
I hang with mah crew, we da funky skinheads,
We take our sticks and knock in people's heads.
2 inches is the length of my cord!
I kill jews 'coz ahm' bored.
Yo yo yo yoyoyoy... whassup H!?
Only on TABNet... (shudder)
This is
C
thulu, signing off.
%%
%%MiNTERNET
Cthulu the T1 cable
MISTIGRIS MEMBERS ON THE NET
Once again, unless you are fond of charter flights or have overd
ACeveloped
frontal lobes, allowing you incredible clairvoyant and telekinet
ACic powers,
the simple internet is the best and easiest way to contact
m
ACistigris members.
In addition, applications (the text part at least) can be sent t
ACo me (
c
thulu)
in e-mail, or dcc'd in
#
mist. (Yeah, the bot's being wor
ACked on.)
In any event, here is a semi-complete listing of
M
istigr
ACis members' e-mail
addresses (at least, only the ones you'd want to talk to. The re
ACst of them
are just plain sickos.) As well, we list
H
elter's web pa
ACge. We would list
S
cribble's as well, but we lost the address. Go figure.
Cthulu cthulu
@
outb
.
wimsey
.
bc
AC.ca
Coyote jeff
_
cheah
@
mindlink
.
bc
AC
.
ca
D
'
artagnan dartgnan
@
haven
.
uniserve
AC
.
com
"
"
kmitchel
@
freenet
.
ACvancouver
.
bc
.
ca
Dr
.
CPU drcpu
@
freenet
.
vancouver
AC
.
bc
.
ca
Grim Reaper dirt
@
dimens
.
thepoint
.
net
AC
Helter mickrobi
@
cln
.
etc
.
bc
.
ACca
http
://
mortimer
.
com
/
users
AC
/
helter
/
mw
.
htm
King Arthur jharrels
@
st6000
.
sct
.
edu
AC
Kurama vsze
@
cln
.
etc
.
bc
.
c
ACa
Livewire livewire
@
cafe
.
net
Marauder tomsz
@
unixg
.
ubc
.
ca
AC
Maxwell maxwell
@
ra1
.
randomc
.
com
AC
Melkor abukshi
@
cln
.
etc
.
bc
.
ACca
Praxis praxis
@
nemesis
.
wimesy
.
com
AC
Reanimator renm8r
@
direct
.
ca
Scribble nsoh
@
is
.
dal
.
ca
Solinari davidr9
@
icebox
.
iceonline
.
ACcom
The Extremist extremist
@
odont
.
com
The Pope a12323
@
mindlink
.
bc
White Insanity dwiebe
@
direct
.
ca
MIST HOMEPAGE
Yes,
M
istigris is getting its own home page. Woo. Howeve
ACr, it is under
construction. THEREFORE... well, it's not done yet, so you can't
AC do much
with it. However, if you are impatient and want to take a look a
ACt it, it can
be found at http
://
www
.
moscow
.
com
/
AChomepages
/
dwiebe
@
direct
.
ca
AC
.
html
and, once it's completed, at
http
://
www
.
infomatch
.
com
/~
white
AC
/
mist
.
html
In other internet news, we're getting a
ftp
site and...
ACer.. I guess that is
all of the news. Oh yeah, the homepage will allow you to peruse
AC
VGA
pieces
of artwork, and also to download all of the elusive packs. We're
AC also
setting up a presence on the
S
uperunknown, and anywhere
ACelse that wants us 8).
Thanks to
W
hite
I
nsanity for starting up the hom
ACepage... and to
M
av for setting
AC us up on the
S
uperunknown.CThat's all for thi
ACs month from the people who
brought you
c
heese
-
i
n
-
a
AC-
c
an.
C
thuluC
i
sC
n
otC
aCf
ish
%%
%%Mr.
Mistigris
Mr. Gris
D
Last month, we presented to you, this happy little character, w
ACho was created
AC Cby our loyal little insomniac afro-porting mascot T
ACribe.
C
T R I B ECO FCM I S T I G R I S
C
▄ ▄▄▄
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e that
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AC
C▄
Cthis was to be the Mister Gris award we'd present to the
AC person
Cwho had done the most work for the group since the last pack
AC's release.
CIt was, in fact, the same Tribe that month.
CHe is no longer with us.
CTherefore, to replace Mister Gris, we present to you...
C
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C■▀▓▄C
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C▀C
▀
CTHE HAPPY LITTLE VR GUY FROM HELL AWARD!
C(thanks to White Insanity for letting us abuse this man 8)
CThis month, the happy little VR guy from hell is...
C(drum roll please...)
Cis...
CHEAT WAVE OF INTEGRITY!
C(huh?)
Cfor his excellence in recruiting Solinari, Elysius, Cue for
CAgression, and Killrazor for us, among others. (Elysius' 8-y
ACear-old
Cbrother? Maybe... 8)CAlong with this lovely title, we also
AC gave him a
Cdistro site affiliation (one of our only four sites! wow!) t
ACo show
Cour gratitude. So...
CDO SOMETHING NICE FOR MIST!
Cand maybe you'll be next month's
Chappy-little-vr-guy-from-hell. you never know.
C-ct
%%
%%Member
Mistigris
08/95 Mistigris Members
──────────────────────────────────────────────────────
AC───────────────────────── ▓C
it's 10am i'm
ACin my boxers and rollins is on.......C▓
A
─(
wi
)──────────────
(
i'd rath
ACer not be on so much caffine
)
──────────
AC──────────
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C
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mistigris 1995
-
blowing away and throwing parts
ACof the competition
around.....
C
(
*
member listings
*
AC
)
(
*
ansi artists
AC*
)
C Beezd
,
Cue for Agression
,
Destro
AC
,
Diamond Traveller
,
Elysius
AC
C
Image of Death
,
Killrazor
,
AC Kurama
,
Mavrik
,
Praxis
AC
,
Scribble
CSmalls
,
Solinari
,
Synth
,
AC The Extremist
,
Ubiquitous
,
Whit
ACe Insanity
C
C
(
*
coders
*
AC
)
C
Cybernetic Soul
,
Dr. CPU
AC
,
Eto
,
Helter
CJmama
,
Mavrik
,
Maxwell
,
AC Melkor
,
Questor
C
(
*
lit writers
AC
*
)
C Angst
,
Coyote
,
Cthulu
AC
,
D'Artagnan
,
Eoanya
Etana
,
Grateful Dead
,
L
ACivewire
,
Reanimator
C Sauron
,
Sentience
C
(
*
musicians
*
)
C
Killing Clown
,
King Arthu
ACr
,
Marauder
CReanimator
,
Sentience
,
The Pope
C
(
*
vga artists
*
)
CGrim Reaper
,
Sentience
,
Summonner
AC
,
Synth
,
Tzeentch
%%
%%Site
Mistigris
08/95 Mistigris Sites
─────────────────────────────────────────────────
AC──────────────────────────────
AC ▓C
it's 10am i'm in my boxers and rollins is
AC on.......C▓
AC
─(
wi
)──────────────
(
i'd r
ACather not be on so much caffine
)
─────────
AC───────────
AC
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▓
▓▄██
▀▀▀C▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀C▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀C▀▀▀▀▀
AC
▀▀
▀▀▀C▀▀▀▀▀C▀▀▀▀▀
mistigris 1995
-
blowing away and throwing parts of
AC the competition
around.....
AC
(
*
affiliated boards
AC*
)
C(*
headquarters
*
)
CThe Screaming Tomato (604) 430-8805 Nitty/Cthulu
AC WHQ
CC1ty iZ Burning (418) 841-3410 The Extremist C
ACHQ
CThe Regency (404) 668-0412 Halaster U
ACSHQ
CDaemon's Gate (604) 948-0363 Mavrik K
ACiTSCHNet WHQ
CHarvest Moon (216) 951-7059 Qur'An T
ACwingle HQ
C
(
*
member boards
*
)
CSalem's Lot (604) 599-9269 Helter
AC
CThe Undiscovered Point (604) PRI-VATE Dr. CPU
CShades of a Shade (604) 540-7968 Ghost Writer
CThe Chaos Laboratories (418) UP-SOON Diamond Traveller
CBlack Sunshine (516) 621-0908 Defective Mind
CVirtual Delusions (604) 984-6627 Summonner
CTransient Lunacy (604) 261-2797 Sentience
CAwaiting Eternity (604) 263-4115 Killing Clown
CCamelot BBS (404) 428-5227 King Arthur
CThe Lapus Linguae (604) 942-3074 Px and Wi
CDeath Throes (613) 744-2765 Killrazor
C
(
*
distribution sites
*
)
CPsycho City (510) 797-0525 Veks
AC
CThe Future Link +1(505) 325-3533 PhoeniX
CArtifacts (204) 896-6744 Prism
CVisions of Sacrifice (604) 275-8269 Heat Wave
%%