Kithe 13/kithe-13.zip/KITHE#13.B

Text File | 1997-07-18 | 207KB | 5,557 lines

///Kithe#13  --  July 11th, 1997
///Articles by: Cthulu and company
///Ansi by: Neophyte, Mage, Mavrik, Happyfish.
///Scripting by: Happyfish
///B, BDIR, and most of this file are copyright to DAVID TURGEON.
///We love you eerie, don't kill us. =)
///
//noprint on
//run ansicore.b:info
//if &&(kithe), //noproc on
//color 7, 0
//clrscreen
//exec k#13-c.dat
//readkey
//clrscreen
//exec k#13-a.dat
//noproc off
//set kithe, true
//run :setup
//savepos
//push
──────────────────────
  esc to exit
  up/down to select
  enter to run
──────────────────────
     Kithe #13
──────────────────────
──────────────────────
Hi there.. Mist stuff
──────────────────────
  intro  //goto :seventeen
  mistinews  //goto :thirtyfive
  ace duck awards  //run :ansitwo
  mist memberlist  //run :ansithree
  mist does laundry  //goto :twentynine
  New group list - 604  //goto :thirteen
──────────────────────
──────────────────────
   public service
 announcements from
    channel four
──────────────────────
  free ld calls  //goto :twentytwo
  euphonics live  //goto :twentyfive
  acid = nazi ?  //run :ansione
  Teklordz is dead  //goto :twentyeight
  TST - r.i.p.  //run :ansisix
  esquire - techno //goto :nine
  crash '97 info //goto :six
──────────────────────
──────────────────────
 I have a dream...
──────────────────────
  Dream Factory  //run :ansifive
  japan dream  //goto :thirtyone
  hippy jungs a dream  //goto :sixteen
  court's dream     //goto :five
  dreams of debussy  //goto :two
──────────────────────
──────────────────────
 Irc nutter quotes
──────────────────────
  definition of Kithe  //goto :one
  thanatos' irc quotes  //goto :eighteen
──────────────────────
──────────────────────
 Ascii Warz!
──────────────────────
  asciiwarz  //goto :thirtyfour
  PUT ME IN KITHE@&*^# //goto :eleven
──────────────────────
──────────────────────
 Writing nutters
──────────────────────
  Freedom  //goto :twentythree
  zinnia's books!! //goto :thirtythree
  skrubly's notes //goto :thirtysix
  tab discusses lit //goto :four
  for a good time call   //goto :three
  hard drive labels  //goto :fourteen
  spirit wolf's wisdom  //goto :thirtynought
  rollinz quotes  //goto :twentyone
  nit's word games  //goto :ten
──────────────────────
──────────────────────
 Miscellaneous nutters
──────────────────────
  sweatshop!  //goto :twentyfour
  are we too liberal?  //goto :twentysix
  darklock's week  //goto :eight
  stupid f*n boneheads //goto :thirtytwo
  meija vs. the rodeo //goto :nineteen
  shocking truth!  //goto :twentynought
  5th element review  //goto :twentyseven
  fudge pie recipe //goto :fifteen
  ewwww  //goto :twelve
  darklock meets a bum  //goto :seven
  ansi rippers!@%%^#@  //run :ansifour
──────────────────────
──────────────────────
  credits  //goto :credits
──────────────────────
esc to exit
──────────────────────
//end




//:setup
//set main, true
//set ransi, false
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//color 8,0
//window 1, 1, 80, 25
//setloadmsg 0,'//run kithe#13:endloadmsg'
//setloadmsg 1,''
//setsavemsg 0,'//run kithe#13:endsavemsg'
//setsavemsg 1,''
//setquitmsg '//run kithe#13:quitmsg'
//set mwin, '58,4,80,18'
//set twin, '1,11,80,24'
//exec k#13-a.dat
//window &&(mwin)
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//end setup




//:setup2
//set main, false
//exec k#13-b.dat
//window &&(twin)
//setcolor 7, 0, 7, 4, 12, 0, 12, 4
//end setup2




//:endloadmsg
//if &&(main), //window &&(mwin)
//if &&(main), //end endloadmsg
//window 1,1,80,25
//gotoxy 22,25 +//color 15,4
//write '&&(fulllink) loaded.          '
//window &&(twin)
//end endloadmsg




//:loadmsg
///if &&(main), //end loadmsg
//run :setup2
//window 1,1,49,25
//gotoxy 1,25 +//color 15,4
//write one moment, loading &&(fulllink) ..
//window &&(twin)
//end loadmsg




//:savemsg
//window 1,1,49,25
//gotoxy 1,25 +//color 15,4
//write one moment, saving &&(savefile) ..
//window &&(twin)
//end savemsg




//:endsavemsg
//window 1,1,49,25
//gotoxy 1,25 +//color 15,4
//write '&&(savefile) written on disk.        '
//window &&(twin)
//end endsavemsg



//:quitmsg
//color 7,0
//window 1,1,80,25
//clrscreen
//exec k#13-c.dat
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//:one
//run :setup2

/msg Cth^Mist Hey, fishface... want a quick and easy way to make a
     stimulating yet entertaining article for your precious little
     e-mag?  You can exploit some of the most well-known and loved
     names in the scene, and you have to do next to no actual
     writing of your own!

        (...Sounds good to me.)

/msg Cth^Mist by the way... stop writing imaginary messages to
     yourself to invoke the setting of the IRC.  (...spoilsport)

<Cth^Mist> Anyone who wants to be in an e-mag, join #kithe and
say what you think the word "kithe" means.

*** Cth^Mist has joined #kithe

<Cth^Mist> And now, the wait...

        (time passes... minutes... hours... centuries...)
        (3 upgrades of mIRC later...)

*** Quab has joined #kithe
<Quab> medi kit
<Cth^Mist> could you elaborate a bit?
*** Quab has left #kithe
<Cth^Mist> ...guess not 8)

*** Exulted has joined #kithe
<Exulted> kithe
<Exulted> email address is [e-mail]
<Exulted> email me ..want to be in the emag
<Cth^Mist> ex: all we want is a definition of the word "kithe".
*** Exulted has left #kithe
<Cth^Mist> er.. never mind 8)

        (Amazing how some people cannot follow the simplest instructions...)

*** tre_cool has joined #kithe
<tre_cool> kithe = some sort of a pie... uh... like cheesecake.. :)
<Cth^Mist> what does it taste like?
<tre_cool> heh... like marshmellows in water that have melted...
<Cth^Mist> much better.
<tre_cool> yep

*** dork has joined #kithe
<dork> Kithe is some kinda fucking drug.
*** dork has left #kithe

        (Concise and to the point)

*** cybernary has joined #kithe
<cybernary> kithe is the name of a termits penis
<cybernary> termite even
*** cybernary has left #kithe

        (Oh so eloquent)

*** mr`yuck has joined #kithe
<mr`yuck> it means mr. yuck is god
<Cth^Mist> ah.
*** mr`yuck has left #kithe

        (Quite the wishful thinking...)

<tre_cool> yeah..freebase
<Cth^Mist> pardon?

        (forgot he was still in the channel after all that 8)

<Cth^Mist> do you freebase kithe?
<tre_cool> hmm
<tre_cool> yep! if you don't wanna eat it
<Cth^Mist> can you smoke it?
<tre_cool> hmm... yeah sure but you won't get stoned... you can't
           take it intravenous though...
<Cth^Mist> why smoke it if you can't get stoned?
<tre_cool> i didn't say you should smoke...i said you can smoke
           it....but if you do you're dumb...

*** ts- has joined #kithe

<Cth^Mist> what kind of prison sentence will you get for having
           a gram of kithe found on you?
<tre_cool> you get like a warning...next time youll get 10
           years
<Cth^Mist> tre: what's a slang word for kithe?
<ts-> heh heh
<ts-> ello
<ts-> 'kithe' is some kinda weird canadian food.  beef ball
patties or something.
<Cth^Mist> BEEF BALLS?
<Cth^Mist> We call those prarie oysters up here...
<ts-> yep.
<ts-> they take those good ol' testicles and slap em betwixt
      two slices o' bread
<Cth^Mist> isn't that a bit lumpy?
<ts-> it's the texture that's the appeal.
<ts-> perhaps something freudian as well.
<tre_cool> heh'
<Cth^Mist> ts: can you get kithes at mcdonalds?
<ts-> kitsch... hee hee.  that was funny nifty. it was right next to
      kithe in the webster unabridged.
<Cth^Mist> ts: if it WAS served in mcdonalds, what would they
           call it?
<Cth^Mist> McKithe?
<ts-> kEFe      (?)
<Cth^Mist> Quarter Pounder with Kithe?
<ts-> cth- hah.. probably...

*** growl has joined #kithe
<growl> kithe is some kinda bomb..
<growl> er... druge..
<growl> er.
<growl> drug.
<growl> er... Toilet paper..
<growl> er.... Pizza topping..
*** growl has left #kithe

        (Be warned next time you ask for a pizza with everything on it...)

<tre_cool> cth: its kalled K th
<tre_cool> no... K the
<tre_cool> uh.. K thΘ i mean

        (sure... whatever...)

<ts-> what IS kithe, anyway.  according to the dict it says 'to
      proclaim an action'

        (hey, *I'm* the one asking the questions here...)

<tre_cool> like K tea almost
<ts-> or something.
<ts-> tre cool isn't hey that guy from green day
<tre_cool> ts: its some sort of a pie, that tastes like melted
           marshmellows that you can eat and freebase.....and smoke but
           then you won't get stoned
<tre_cool> ts: sure is
<Cth^Mist> tre: do you drink it, then?
<ts-> tre- weird.  is it like marijuana brownies or something <g>
<tre_cool> cth: its kinda gluic so you can drink it...but it
           will take time to pour it out of the glass
<ts-> cth- u shove it up your ass for the maximum effect <g>
<Cth^Mist> ts: oh my... kithe enemas.
<ts-> cth- kinda how some countries shove aspirin up their
           asses
<tre_cool> ts: yes but better tastin'
<Cth^Mist> ts: I don't think that mcdonalds would sanction that
           kind of fast food. 8)

...

        Thus ended the first session.  I, however, hungered for more, more,
        MUCH MORE!  So I went on again later to gather more input on our
        enigmatic name.  (152 lines just isn't enough for a filler article)

*** Cth^Mist has joined #kithe
*** sq2 has joined #kithe
<sq2> i think the word kithe means something that flies in the
      sky, held up by the almighty power of god, in the form of
      wind, plus an H
*** sq2 has left #kithe

        (I likes to flies me kithes)

*** profeeto has joined #kithe
<profeeto> eheh
<profeeto> cth you are too kewl ;)
<Cth^Mist> so? what's a kithe?
<profeeto> like a kite with a monkey hangin from the top.. er
           sumthin
<Cth^Mist> Do kithes have bananas hanging off them or something?
<profeeto> only in sweden ;)
<Cth^Mist> But bananas don't grow in scandinavia... too cold.
<Cth^Mist> I guess they import them.

*** df`fsw has joined #kithe
*** df`fsw has left #kithe

      (so much for him)

<profeeto> they import em from czech
<Cth^Mist> but not from slovakia?
<profeeto> hmm
<profeeto> maybe
<Cth^Mist> depends on the EU dollar exchange rate, right?
<profeeto> yah.. the government is behind everything
<Cth^Mist> Well then... is there a more sinister aspect to
           these monkey-bearing aerial objects controlled by the
           governents?
<profeeto> shh.. dont let anybody hear yah say that, ya know
           there are spies everywhere
*** profeeto has left #kithe

        (another victim of the internet silence conspiracy, I see)

*** sq2 has joined #kithe       (so, back for more, eh?)
<sq2> kithe is my name... except i usually spell it with the e
      before the i...
*** sq2 has left #kithe

*** sUlphUr has joined #kithe
<sUlphUr> eye think it means a cat that is drunk and high on
          ShR00mS, bitz..
*** sUlphUr has left #kithe

*** wh0d has joined #kithe
<wh0d> To me, kithe means world harmony.  I feel that in the
       future, kithe will be full of love and happy articles.
*** wh0d has left #kithe

        (aww, isn't that _nice_)

*** nootropic has joined #kithe
<nootropic> Kithe: very much like lithe, but on the deadly
            side.. ie, the kithe little bitch ripped off my nutsack.
<Cth^Mist> ouch.
<Cth^Mist> 8)
<Cth^Mist> Could kithe be used to describe anything other than
           people?
<nootropic> cth; That animal looks pretty kithe.
<Cth^Mist> any animal? what kind of animal would look kithe?
<nootropic> cth; a wolf would look kithe.
<Cth^Mist> what would look un-kithe?
<nootropic> cth; a teddy bear
<nootropic> kithe is like the power to kill quickly and
            suddenly.. so the electric chair might not be kithe, but a
            rocket launcher would.
<nootropic> i think.
<Cth^Mist> would a kithe death leave a nearly-untouched body or
           merely a small puddle of blood and some skull fragments?
<nootropic> cth; the remains wouldn't matter necessarily.. i
           mean, a kithe death would be a nuclear explosion, or a
           sudden brain hemorage.. it's the method, not the result, i
           believe.
<Cth^Mist> the guillotine would be kithe, while being eaten by
           red ants wouldn't?
<nootropic> cth; yeah..
<Cth^Mist> okay, I think I just about understand.
<nootropic> cth; the guilotine (argh) ain't all that kithe
           because there is suspense beforehand. getting in a car
           accident is much more kithe. sudden. unexpected. fateful.
<nootropic> superman's death was not kithe, jfk's was.
<Cth^Mist> okee.  having an escaped rhinoceros turn around the
           corner and trample you unexpectedly would be kithe then?
<nootropic> cth; definatly..
<Cth^Mist> all right, then.

...

        So?  What did we all learn from this exercise in keeping logs?

        What *does* 'kithe' mean, anyway?

        Well, let's see.

        Kithe is:
        a) a medikit
        b) a cheesecake which tastes like melted marshmallows, can be
           freebased or smoked, and which is illegal to possess.
        c) 'some kinda fucking drug'
        d) a termite's penis
        e) the proclamation of the divinity of mr`yuck.
        f) deep-fried bull testicles, ingested rectally.
        g) manglement of the word 'kite'.
        h) top secret primate-operated aeronautical bombers.
        i) manglement of the name 'Keith'.
        j) a feline who has consumed too much alcohol and too many fungi.
        k) World harmony and happy articles.
        l) A sudden, unexpected death.

        Three verbs, nine nouns, no adjectives or adverbs.

        Three drug-related definitions, two sex-related ones, and two
ideological/religious ones.  However, I believe that the most amusing entry
was that proposed by profeeto.  As such, he is now the winner of the elusive
'Abbottsford Killer' award, displayed elsewhere in the magazine.  (Actually,
in the last issue of the magazine.  This article got lfet out.)  Thanks to
everybody for the definitions, and keep them rolling in!  If you think that
you know what to kithe somebody means, how much a kithe weighs, or why a kithe
computer shouldn't be used near an open window, send in your entries!  If you
see me on the IRC as Cth^Mist or _Cthulu, I'll accept definitions, but you
can also mail me locally on The Jade Monkey or e-mail me at

                         [e-mail]

        Again, congratulations go to profeeto, thanks go to nootropic, ts and
the rest, and OH MY GOD, WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU? (waits for reader to turn
around, then sneaks off and leaves the article finished unsatisfactorily)

//end one


//:two
//run :setup2

from: Agnostic

not just Debussy, but Tomita's Debussy, hung me on a tree branch above a
neighbour's roof. clouds were busy dusting, and the wind (my favourite of all
phenomenon) was scraping off all my human growths (lumps on skin, hair,
ineffectual nose).

things happening: Clair de Lune dribbles down eaves, each drop tied to the
next by a piano string; a crescent Clair de Lune hooked around the chimney,
bleeding white. The stars move in for a closer look, bright hovering bees.
Gutters fill, moss flowers in response, the water of Clair de Lune,
luminescent, engulfs the house: address numbers slide off, the driveway floats
away: magic and cold, the cold licks beds, temperature felt in reverse as the
house is made into Mystery.
______________

isn't there a Blake poem where different elements become the senses of the
body? Maybe it's one of the Infernal proverbs.

//end two

//:three
//run :setup2

For this article we take to the smallest room in the house for a conversation
about... well, graffiti in the bathroom.  We've always been proud of being
one of the only groups to feature writing in our packs and this thread just
broadens our appeal that much more.

'Twas started by Agnostic, but as usual these things spiral all over the place.

AG>   has any one read some good bathroom scribblings lately?
AG>
AG>  in the College bathroom today:
AG>
AG>  You are all gum in some woman's hair
AG>
AG> (add to make a list)
AG>
SE>  Don't write on this wall (Langara College washroom)
SE>
AG>  The Shah is buried beside Lee Harvey Oswald
AG>
CT>  Flush twice; it's a long way to the cafeteria.
CT>
HI> If your reading this, you must be hanging out here. (douglas college)
HI>
PE> coquitlam center bathroom stall:
PE>
PE> gay males:be here at 6pm on wednesdays for nameless anal sex. no regrets.
PE>
CT> L I N U X (on the ceiling of the benny's bathroom.  Something tells me
CT>            the f00l wrote it.)
CT>
ZK> The only practical vehicle for prison reform: A BULLDOZER  (bathroom in
ZK> the Spartacus building)
ZK>
FU> Call Linda for a good time at 936-9236 (The Pantry in Coquitlam Center)
FU>
CT> (on the condom machine)
CT>
CT> "This gum tastes like rubber."
CT>
CT> also,
CT>
CT> "Return baby here for refund."
CT>
MF> "nixon peed here"
MF>
MF>  i saw
MF>
MF> "  aids kill fags dead"
MF>
MF>  " so does igornarance"
MF>
ME> I was here.  His Royal Highness Prince Daniel. (U.B.C.)
ME>
CT>  I WUZ ERE
CT>  ERE I WUZ
CT>  WUZ I ERE?
CT>  YES I WUZ.
CT>
PK>  "here i sit, broken hearted
PK>   came to shit, but only farted."
PK>
PK>   tis old.
PE>   but i can do lamer.
PE>
PE>  "some come here to piss and think, other's come here to shit and stink,
PE>   but when i come here neither matters at all, i just read the bullshit
PE>   that's on the walls."
CT>
CT>  Lame.  "Here I sit, amongst the vapours, looking for some toilet paper.
CT>          how much longer will I linger before I have to use my finger?"
ZW>
ZW>  I sit here and contemplate
ZW>  whether to shit or masturbate.
ZW>
JB> My old school didn't have any real humour, just typical racist stuff like
JB> "Fuck hindhuz, Fuck Whitez," big swastikas..
CT>
CT> We got...
CT>
CT> "Fuck the skids.  Go back to Grand Ville street you fucken homos
CT> or prepar (crossed out) get ready to fight us.
CT>
CT> (as an afterthought) Or die when it snows."
CT>
CT> Someone's reply - "Maybe when you learn to spell."
JB>
JB> bahahah.. most downtown bathroom flame-scrawlings I've ever seen were
JB> political like 'NDP PIGS' or anti-conservative humor.
JB>
AG>   "I'm too afraid to use the phone
AG>    I'm too afraid to turn the light on
AG>    I'm so afraid I've lost control
AG>    I'm suffocating without a word..."
AG>
AG>                L. Reed         (Capilano College - - my doing last year)
AG>
CT> ... something which I wrote which apparently Darklock got written up
CT> in calligraphic handwriting and installed in his own potty.
CT>
CT> Your insides, they force you to rise from the table,
CT> and get to the crapper as quick as you're able.
CT>
CT> You leap on the john and your pants hit the floor,
CT> embarrassingly, you then close up the door.
CT>
CT> Out is expelled from your putrescent hole
CT> a smelly surprise in your porcelain bowl.
CT>
CT> It lands in the water, and makes a small splash;
CT> the frigid can water sends shocks through your ass.
CT>
CT> It sits all alone, floating putrid and green;
CT> Oft it is smelt, but it's never much seen.
CT>
CT> Content that you're finished your digestive caper,
CT> you clean up your bum with the soft septic paper.
CT>
CT> It raises no cries as you tug on the flush;
CT> away spins the bowlful of natural mush.
CT>
CT> The nasty green mess spirals down to the breach,
CT> You won't meet again 'till you go to the beach.
CT>
CT> You then wash your hands, with warm water and soap;
CT> If cleanliness was godliness, then you would be the Pope.
CT>
CT> Remember all these steps next time you're on the loo,
CT> and don't think of it as shitting, simply think of it as POO.
CT>
SA> In my school, it's mostly declarations of love or lust, commentaries on
SA> guy's performances in bed, so and so is a bitch, a slut, or "A lesbian
SA> who rapes dogs" (I asked whether or not it was males dogs or female dogs)
SA>
SA> When I do graffitti, I usually draw a crystal teardrop design, or
SA> something else I like. I've written philosopic statements, or political
SA> theories.
SA>
SA> Recently, in an agitated mood, I went into the washroom and covered a
SA> wall with a manifesto about how anything in the world was possible if you
SA> perceived it to be so etc etc etc.
ZK>
ZK> I used to do that, when I was in a horrible high school.
ZK>
ZK> "I eat your hate like love" was a favorite, as was "Just try and find me, cuz
ZK> I surround you."
ZK>
ZK> I was trained out of it when I went to a good high school. Grafitti was
ZK> less easy at Ideal because you were more likely to be caught and your
ZK> crimes brought up at School Meeting.
ZK>
SA> I am at a horrible high school, and since I consider my grafitti to be
SA> a much higher grade that the rest of it, I have no reason to stop. :)
SA>
SA> (re: manifesto) Anyway, last week, I went in and saw they erased it.
SA>
SA> "REPRESSION. ERASE THIS. 'someone tried to hold me down, come on try to
SA> shut me up' -hole" was what I replaced it with.
SA>
ZK> Although the desks in the science room were very colourful.
ZK> Someone once wrote "I LOVE BEATLE" in big white-out letters. (Don't
ZK> worry, it wasn't me.)
ZK>
SA> YeSh, desks and chairs at my school get the same treatment...I drew and
SA> wrote all over my grade 11 english desk. I saw it later in another room.

...

CT>  The secret to life is (scribbled over by someone else) FUCK

If you have any other interesting such writings that you think the world
should see, don't hesitate to send them to us.

      -  Mistigris 1997 - Keepings our minds right in the gutter -

//end three


//:four
//run :setup2

Literary corner.

        Yes, for those of you who for some reason or another haven't been
following TABNet compulsively, we have been discussing literature:
particularly the poll in England naming the Lord of the Rings as the greatest
literary work of the 20th century.  And thanks to my itchy capture finger,
you too will get to follow these threads through from their initial
intellectual origins through to their debasement and finally to rants about
drugs, sex in Shakspeare, and the Simpsons.

        Contained within are also a partial list of our own chosen "Most
MEDIOCRE literary works of the 20th century", as well as a special quote at
the bottom.  To further your comprehension of the discussion, we have
provided a slight legend below to make clear who is saying what and who they
are, and in the main body of the text itself we have quoted, repeated, cut
and pasted where the conversations grew most fluid so as to maintain the
greatest sense of continuity.

        And now... the legend!

CT = Cthulu, the obsessive message capturer
SYL = Sylphid, the devil's advocate
TZ = Tzygar, also known as Pure Voltage
JB = Jesus Bonehead, thunk thunk amen
HF = Happyfish, whee, splash
FD = Fade, likes heavy metal
GB = Geekboy, most recently of Sock
PH = Purple Haze, lost in a cloud of smoke
PE = Pedantik, bubblewrap technician
SK = Silent Knight, bad speler par excelance
GS = Grigor Samsa, not in a pig costume
ICN = The Iconoclast, ragged edges and all
ZK = Zinnia Kray, lost in Japan
COU = Courtisan, one more boring Jon
DH = D.H. Lawrence Sez What? = Grigor Samsa
MJ = Meija, frontman for Zeke the Wonder Nugget
RO = Reed Oboe = D.H. Lawrence Sez What? = Grigor Samsa = Merlyn (oops,
     gave it away)

        And now... ladies and gentlemen... the conversations!

from: Cthulu
to  : All
subj: bibble.

CT> Well.  In a poll in England, they named Lord of the Rings as the
CT> greatest literary work of the 20th century.  What do you think of that?
CT>
TZ> I second that thought. Best book I've ever red.
TZ>
TZ> Pv
SYL>
SYL> it deserves it
SYL>
CT> But the greatest work of the century?
CT>
GS> Nope.
GS>
GS> Not to discount it, though; it's on my list of favourites.
GS>
CT> Beating out all of the Ulysseses, the Dunes, the Metamorphosises, the
CT> Gravity's Rainbows, the 1984s and the Brave New Worlds?
GS>
GS> Of these, I'd say only Ulysses and GR would be competing. Nifty as the
GS> others are, they're not quite in the same class.
GS>
GS> Hey, it's still happening, every time I go into Granville Book to buy
GS> something, like say that Good Omens, I come out with something completely
GS> different. Today I went in with a plan to get Invisible Man or The
GS> Recognitions or Carpenter's Gothic or Lolita or Infinite Jest, and
GS> instead I came out with Arc d'X. But I got a funky Rocketman bookmark,
GS> and that's all that rilly matters.
GB>
GB>  Speaking of this, there is only one copy of gravity's rainbow in the
GB>  north vancouver library system.
GB>
GB>   Dune is probably best, or maybe bnw. or 1984.
GB>
GB>   why does there have to be a best Book of the century? Who decides these
GB>  things anyway?
JB>
JB> They round up a bunch of self-acclaimed literary critiques which are
JB> usually hasbeen artists and old oxford school teachers and take their
JB> word as gold.
JB>
JB> or they flip a coin

...

CT> Beating out all of the Ulysseses, the Dunes, the Metamorphosises, the
CT> Gravity's Rainbows, the 1984s and the Brave New Worlds?
SYL>
SYL> let's see.. ulysses was good, but full of a lot of crap and not nearly
SYL> as imaginative.  dune could have deserved it, of course (i would be
SYL> happy with either).  metamorphosis most CERTAINLY doesn't deserve that
SYL> title, i haven't read gravity's rainbow, and 1984 and bnw just aren't on
SYL>  the same scale.
ICN>
ICN> 1984 and BNW certainly didn't deserve it.  1984 was a powerful book,
ICN> that really made me think, but the blunt and unimaginative symbolism
ICN> made me want to puke. (not to mention that it wasn't particularily an
ICN> original work, if you've read "We" then you'd notice how much of 1984
ICN> stems from it.)
ICN>
ICN> BNW just didn't seem that relevant.  Not as much as the other
ICN> anti-utopian society books.
COU>
COU> because it isn't totally anti-utopian.
SK>
SK> If I might interject I believe that DIStopian is the word you're looking
SK> for.
HF>
HF> If I might interject I believe that dystopian is the word YOU'RE looking
HF> for. =)
HF>
SK> Did I mention that I'm a terrible speller ? 8)
SK>
CT> In any event, there remains a difference between showing the flaws of an
CT> utopian ideal and denouncing the entire concept as impossible.

...

PH> I read a majority of the book while consuming acid (which helped to
PH> relive a lot of the scenes and battles on my kitchen floor...)
PH> And I have to agree...
PH> It doesn't make you feel guilty or scare you personally (like some OTHER
PH> books) and yet it takes you on an incredible ride through fantastic lands
PH> not too different from ours, yet far more magically charged...
PH>
PH> Yah.. I liked it...

...

PE> greatest fantasy work of the 20th century, maybe..
PE>
PE> but the GREATEST OF EVERYTHING?
PE>
PE> argh.. i dunno.
PE>
PE> on the subject of literature, i'm working on my shakespeare learning
PE> centre project for tommorow STILL.
PE>
PE> FACK
PE>
DH> Speaking of which, here's a bit of trivia: did you know that Shakespeare
DH> puns on the word cunt?
DH>
DH> They usually sort of skip this when teaching it in highschool, though.
DH>
PE> how so?
PE>
ZK> They taught it to me.  But I went to a bleeding-heart,
ZK> affirmative-action, liberal wussy communist feminazi school where that
ZK> sort of thing was considered funny and educational.
ZK>
ZK> Chaucer was punnier, though.

...

JB> What? That book was a long-winded utterly dull fantasy dreamed up by
JB> someone who was on opiates.. "Kevjbha and Kuwiwuaa walked through the
JB> forest of iielakg in the northern Blahjksook of IglIIaak.  Kevjbha
JB> dreamed of white ladjf92ns and baalldodkkasz and suddenly appeared a
JB> monotine kkajaklLaouboraaic with spell # 500"
JB>
PH> HAHAHAHA... yup... that's about it... I preferred spell #729-b (for use
PH> on the undead only...)
PH>
JB> I guess if you're into D&D stuff you'd appreciate it more.. hmm.
JB>
PH> indeed...
PH>
JB> I read the first book, then like the three towers or some shit than
JB> stopped halfway through out of complete utter boredom.
JB>
PH> SHIT man... you should have started dropping and reading then...
PH> That was about the point I did... the shit just gets bonkers after the
PH> halfway point...
PH>
JB> That wouldn't work.. how am I supposed to read the words? I remember
JB> having to read a chapter in Socials 10 for silent reading and I was
JB> peaking at the  time.. not only was I too distracted by thousands of mini
JB> hallucinations to  read but the words were MESsSEd

...

COU> i think there are still another 3 years left, so they are judging a
COU> little prematurely.
CT>
CT> Isn't that a bit pretentious of you?
CT>
COU> Possibly. But it's alot more premature of them.
COU>
GB>  trainspotting.

...

ZK> I never managed to read very much of it.  Boring.
ZK>
ZK> In grade 9 we had Sustained Silent Reading before science class, and I
ZK> had the first book with me. I never read anything except the scene with
ZK> Smeldeag (sp?) and his friend, when one killed the other for the ring.
ZK>
ZK> I loved the way they spoke.
CT>
CT> Sméagol and his friend...
CT> er..
CT>
CT> Deagol.

...

MJ> i dont know.. but i've found lots of people have no taste.
MJ>
MJ> but i havent read lord of the rings.
MJ>
TZ> <GASP!> It's the anti-christ! Satan himself! Cthulu, get the priest!
TZ>
TZ> Pv
TZ>
MJ> the book doesnt interest me in the least.

...

TZ> <GASP!> It's the anti-christ! Satan himself! Cthulu, get the priest!
CT>
CT> "He'll be out in a second..."
CT>
CT> (behind curtains, cthulu is visible changing  into black robes and a
CT> funny looking hat.)
HF>
HF> Green robes and a funny hat not formal enough?
HF>
TZ> Pv looks at this odd sight and says "You're a priest?!"
TZ>
TZ> "Don't look at the man behind the curtains!"
TZ>
TZ> "This isn't the wizard of oz you nut!"
TZ>
TZ> Pv

...

CT> Well.  In a poll in England, they named Lord of the Rings as the
CT> greatest literary work of the 20th century.  What do you think of that?
CT>
FD> Too difficult to judge the greatest and the worst...
CT>
CT> The most mediocre work of the 20th century, then?
CT>
CT> Typhoon, by Joseph Conrad.
CT> yeah.
SYL>
SYL> a separate peace, by knowles.
SYL>
SYL> "i hardly consider that at the grade 9 reading level" -lisa simpson
SYL>
SYL> i hate that book with a passion.
SYL>
JB> I don't know, I've read some SERIOUSLY boring Saskatchewan short stories
JB> in English 11.
JB>
ICN> The outsiders, by s.e. hinton.
ICN>
ICN> ugh.
PE>
PE> hah.
PE>
PE> i had to read that in grade 8.

...

RO> Quote of the day:
RO>
RO> "Ebonics be stupid." -- Spike Lee

        Now how was THAT for pseudo-intellectualism?  Longer words, if no
nobler sentiments, than you'd find on most message nets, weren't they?  And
for those of you who don't live in the 604 but aside from a strange aversion
to the areacode but a peculiar willingness to call long distance, you can
also read TABNet off of The Extremist's board in Quebec, City iZ Burning!

...

okay, I lied.  There's a bit more to this article.

It's relevant, though!  It's about books!
Society in general!
And something you can do about it easily and quickly!
(especially with a good script generator)

...

The following e-mail was received this afternoon from my son who is a
computer science student at UVic.   If we can get more books into the hands
of children, especially at hospitals, sounds like too good an opportunity to
pass up. - Carolyn Prellwitz, Cowichan District Teachers' Association

____________________________________________________

Houghton Mifflin Publishing Corporation will donate one
book to a children's hospital for every 25 e-mails they receive.
Please e-mail them at:
[e-mail].

I hope you can spare the seconds . . . and let your friends
know. So far they have only received 3,400 messages.  Last
year they reached 23,000.

//end four


//:five
//run :setup2

from: Courtisan

        I dreamed I was walking along the road the day after halloween, after
getting chased out of McLean park by the cops. As we aproached a driveway, a
car came out, but didn't pull into traffic, but just stayed there, blocking
the sidewalk. My friends walked around, but I got the idea to jump over the
car. Without running, I jumped straight up and almost over, except my butt
hit the roof on the other side, and left a dent.  We kept walking but looked
back and the drive and passengers had gotten out and a woman was calling and
waving us over. We started walking back when the people from the car ran
across the street to a nearby house..

        "I'm sorry.. please don't call the cops.. I don't know why I tried to
jump over your car"

        I followed them into the house, and realised that the driver of the
car had been Bill Clinton. He was upset but one of my friends ended up being
a lawyer (how convieniant) so we worked out a deal. I would pay $200 dollars
to each passenger (there were 3) and the wouldn't call the police. Also, as
part of the deal I got to 'talk politics' with Bill Clinton "If you aren't
too busy..."

        I told him that even though I wasn't an american citizen, his
decisions still affected me. I said that I supported him, especially because
he was running against "that old guy". I can only assume I meant Dole. But
that I needed to voice some concerns about his choices.

        I explained to him that when he signed the Communications Decency
Act, he had "signed away a bit of his country's past, and a 'large chunk' of
his country's future" and then explained how it was unfair, needless and
against his constitution.

        Then I talked to him about Industrial Hemp, and how it could save
trees without posing any hazard to the people of his country. It was weird
Because about then I kept getting images of Bill Clinton naked on an alien
ship, from an episode of simpsons.

        then i woke up..


        what does it mean?

//end  five


//:six
//run :setup2

        You know something's big when it gets mailed to you direct via RadMan
himself.  Sure, it's not so big a deal when you're ACiD Secretary, but still.

        What did he have to tell me about?  The Newsletter?  The latest merger?

        Nope.  The latest demoparty.

        It is very probable that there will be a large Mistigris presence at
Crash '97 (full informational release below), including Cthulu, Happyfish,
Silent Knight, Mavrik, Tzykaar, The Laughing Fool, The Pope, and other
members unsure or ignorant as of press time!

        We hope to compete in any and all categories in which we'll qualify,
and even those in which we don't.

        So come on!  We'll see you there, August 21st through 24th, in
Calgary!  It's just a hop, a skip, and a lengthy bus ride away!  And you don't
even have to know french to enjoy this one!

...

[Begin text]

 Crash 1997 new.media.gathering

┌────────────────
└─═ Opening words

  You are reading the invitation information for Crash 1997, released
  on the 7th of April.  (Previous revision was the 19th of March.)

  This file is formatted for 80x50 text mode.
  All times listed are in Mountain Standard Time (Canada).
  All currency listed is in Canadian Dollars.
  The Crash 1997 organizers reserve the right to change any information
  relating to this event, at any time, without notice.

  The information presented here is not final; an asterisk in the left
  most column denotes new information.  We will update this file as new
  information is made available, so please continue looking for
  releases that may be more recent.  This information is available in
  the following forms at the following locations:

  HTML (Currently a Netscape 3.0/4.0 800x600x16bpp or 24bpp version is
        available):

*   Web page -
*     http://xi-media.com/crash
*   Textfile -
*     http://xi-media.com/crash/crash.zip

  Remember to purchase your tickets in advance because space and
  resources are limited.  Group rates will be made available; contact
  us.

  If you are looking to participate in the success of this event please
  contact us.

  Crash 1997, in a minimal sense, is a "demo-party".  A demo-party is an
  event for computer enthusiasts from around the world to get together,
  interact, discuss ideas, compete, and have fun.  Crash 1997 is more
  than this.  The focus will be on hosting additional competitions and
  activities in the hopes to introduce new ideas and art forms into the
  demo scene.  The competitions will be focused around real-time
  audio/visual presentations for the PC, although not limited to any one
  platform or criteria.

* We are looking for feedback!  Please contact us to express your
opinion.
* If you agree with what we are doing; let us know.  It is positive or
* constructive feedback that will help to motivate us, or integrate your
* ideas and suggestions into the current structure of the event.

...

hold on...

before you get too settled in here, we have a little admission to make...

this infofile is too long for B to display the whole thing..
so we've included the official information release as CRASHNFO.TXT in the
main mist pack archive itself.

So don't get too settled in, this doesn't end 8)

...

┌───────────
└─═ Contents

* Opening words
* Where and when
* How to get there
  Timeline
  Activities
* Competitions
* Rules and information
* Services/Event features
  Questionnaire
  Sponsors
* Ticket/Ordering information
* Contact information/Organizing
  Closing words

┌─────────────────
└─═ Where and When

  The location of the event is in Western Canada, in the city of
  Calgary, Alberta.  It will be held in North America's largest indoor
  soccer arena.

  The event place consists of two domes, each dome containing four
  regulation length indoor soccer fields.  There will be only one
  entrance from the outdoors.  This entrance is to the slave arena.
  From here there are two indoor passage ways that lead to the master
  arena.  The master arena is where the main activities will be held.
  This arena is a self-supporting "bubble-like" structure, with it's
  entrances resembling "revolving air-locks".  Fortunately there are two
  of these revolving air-locks, as this will most likely be the
  epicenter of traffic.  For obvious reasons one door will be used to
  enter the structure while the other is to leave.  Hopefully this
  procedure will minimize any inconveniences people have attempting to
  traverse from one area to another.

  The event will take place over a three day period.  A quarter (one
  soccer field) of the slave arena will be sectioned off as best as
  possible to make room for sleeping arrangements (sleeping is not
  required and may be difficult).  Although 24 hour activities will be
  provided in the master arena, for those of you who require your sleep
  you will need to provide yourself with sleeping attire such as a sleeping
  bag, blanket, or pillow.  24 hour washroom and shower facilities will
  be provided and are located in the slave arena.

  Both arenas contain no windows and are almost entirely shut off from
  outside light sources.  This means that both arenas can become
  extremely dark, and dynamic light sources can be used.  This will
allow
  for ideal viewing conditions of all feature presentations.

* The doors will open at 10:00am on the 22nd of August (Friday), and
* close at 8:00pm on the 24th of August (Sunday). Although the doors
* open at 10:00am there will not be any activities available. We
* recommend that you show up around 3:00pm unless you want to help
* setup.  Intercontinental travelers who are arriving a day or two
* early should contact the main organizers.

  Due to structural limitations we are limiting the person capacity to
  four thousand people.  Because of the local interest an event of this
  caliber will produce, it will be in your best interest to purchase
  event tickets in advance as this will guarantee your entrance and
  access to resources.

  Calgary is in the part of Canada where the majority of people speak
  English.  It will not be necessary to know French.

┌───────────────────
└─═ How to get there

  The choice of transportation is up to you; how you prefer to travel,
  how much you are willing to spend?

  Perhaps the simplest method is by plane.  You will arrive at the
  Calgary International Airport.  From there all you need to do is catch
  the Crash 1997 shuttle bus which will take you directly to the event
  place.  There will be a nominal fee for the shuttle.

  If you choose to drive, there is ample parking, free of charge.

  It is reasonable to expect that there will be bus trips from the
  colleges and universities of neighboring cities.  If your school or
  group is interested in organizing a trip to Crash, please contact us
  as we will assist in every way we can.  Group rates may be made
  available to large organizations planning to attend.

* If you would like to take a chartered bus to the event, please contact
* us as we will attempt to connect you to others in your area who are
* also interested in chartering a bus.

┌───────────
└─═ Timeline

  The current timeline is subject to change as more activities are
  introduced.  Refer to this section for a quick reference of activities.

  This particular version of the timeline is extremely premature as the
  times and lengths of many activities have not been concluded.

  A complete version of the timeline will be made available at the
  event.

  Friday:
    6:00am - Organizers begin setup
   10:00am - Doors Open
    6:00pm - Opening ceremonies

  Saturday:
   10:00pm - Crash the Rave opens to the public

  Sunday:
    5:00am - Crash the Rave closes to the public
    9:00am - Demo-scene competitions begin
    5:00pm - Awards and closing ceremonies
    8:00pm - Doors close

┌─────────────
└─═ Activities

  There will be many activities at Crash 1997.  The organizers will
  attempt to add as many activities as possible up until the day of the
  event.  If you have any comments regarding the current activities,
  or would like to see additional activities made available, please
  contact us.

  The focus of Crash 1997 is to explore new forms of technology in art.
  To spread knowledge, awareness, and professionalism in this area, we
  have selected competitions to be the main incentive.  We will be
  offering some standard demo-party competitions, as well as additional
  competitions which we feel help to promote the ideas present with
  Crash.

  In addition to the competitions, you will find events that serve to
  demonstrate technology in art.

  An "intelligent" rave will take place from 10:00pm Saturday until
  5:00am Sunday.  The rave will feature a creative variety of
  underground music, countered with interactive visuals and lighting.

  A fashion show may precede the rave.

  Movies from an independent developer film festival may be shown on the
  large screen during less active hours.  Movies will be selected from
  entries which meet the ideologies of technology in art.

  As a result of being located in a soccer arena, one soccer field may
  be used to host a round-robin between demo-groups willing to
  participate.  Although this does not relate to the Crash theme, we are
  offering this as an activity if sufficient interest is displayed.

┌───────────────
└─═ Competitions

  Most competitions will make use of the main presentation area (big
  screen, audio system).  There are prizes awarded for the majority of
  competitions.  (Please refer to the Rules.)

    Demo:
      The biggest attraction of Crash 1997.  In the demo-competition you
      will find a blend of all main competitions.  This competition
      incorporates music, 2 dimensional and 3 dimensional art, and
      programming.  Demos are a 5 to 15 minute presentation of the
      talent that makes up the team.

    Intro:
      This competition is similar to the Demo-competition, with a focus
      on size.  Everything must fit within 65536 bytes of data.

    4Kb:
      The 4Kb competition is focused on the programmer.  The programmer
      is given 4096 BYTES to develop a presentation.  Everything about
      this is an exercise in size.  The common calculator has more
      memory then 32,768 bytes, so if you think this competition is not
      impressive, keep in mind that what you are viewing will fit in the
      memory of your calculator nearly 8 times over.

*   Computer Animation - Animation(1):
*     This competition is for computer generated animations, or computer
*     altered film footage.

*   Free Hand Animation - Animation(2):
*     This competition is usually based entirely upon public vote.  The
*     more effectively an animation entertains, the more likely it is to
*     place.  This is likely to be one of the more humorous portions of
*     Crash.  The animations must be hand drawn.

*   3d Modeling (with respect to real-time rendering):
*     3 Dimensional Worlds are judged based on quality with respect to
*     the limitations of real-time rendering.

*   Art/Design:
*     This competition is focused on artistic design as it applies to
*     alternative forms of media advertising.

    4 Channel Audio Tracking:
      In the early days of computers 4 channels was all the processor
      could handle.  This competition is in one way nostalgic, and in
      another sense, challenging for the artist.  The musician must
      produce a musical master piece with only the use of four
      simultaneous instruments.  It would be unfair to have a 4 channel tune
      competing against a 32 channel tune.

 *  Multi-Channel Audio Tracking:
 *    In this competition the musicians can have as many channels as
 *    they want.

    Foreign:
      If you have produced a presentation for a computer that is not PC
      based, this competition is for you.  Be sure to bring the
      required hardware for the presentation.

    Wild:
      Here's the scenario. You get up on stage, and you have 2 minutes
      to entertain the crowd.  The winners will be selected by how
      long/loud the crowd screams.

    Scene Jeopardy:
      If you have ever seen Jeopardy you have seen this event.  We are
      going to take up a collection of "Demo-Scene" trivia, and prepare
      a test.  Whoever wants to compete can take a white paper test. The
      top 3 scorers of this test will be eligible to compete in "Scene
      Jeopardy".  Basically 3 people and a host get up on stage and try
      to answer the given questions.  On the big screen we are going to
      have a similar layout to Jeopardy.  Do you know enough?

    There will also be many other competitions and events during Crash
    1997.  Additional competitions considered:

      Lasertag

      Diskthrowing

      Cola Absorbing

      Coolest Computer

      Eating Contest

      Fastest Typist

      Best New Effect

      Wet Noodle Master

      Network Games

  There will be many surprise competitions through-out the event.  For
  example you might here us yelling on the intercom:

  "First one to the front desk with "nibbles" written in DEBUG.EXE
  wins 50 bucks!"

  Here is the cash prize table to date.  This table assumes a 1000
  person pre-registration.  Prize values will adjust proportionately to
  the amount of people present (the actual cash prizes will be fixed
  August 22nd).  Frequent the Crash webpage to find out how many
  advanced tickets have been sold.

         Demo-competition    Intro-Competition       4K Competition

1st Place         $10,000               $2,000                 $500
2nd Place          $5,000               $1,000                 $250
3rd Place          $2,500                 $500                 $100

      Multi-Channel Music         3D Modeling    Computer Animation

1st Place          $2,000                 $500                 $500
2nd Place          $1,000                 $250                 $250
3rd Place            $500                 $100                 $100
4th Place            $300
5th Place            $100

               Art/Design

1st Place            $500
2nd Place            $250
3rd Place            $100

  Additional prizes including cash, software, hardware, Crash
  merchandise, etc, will be annexed as tickets are sold, additional
  sponsors are obtained, and competitions are finalized.

┌────────────────────────
└─═ Rules and information

  Each three day event pass entitles the holder to enter once in every
  competition (the entry must be of the pass holders own creation).

    The computer the entries will be run on will be a (subject to change
    as new hardware standards are introduced):

      - Intel Pentium 166 Mhz
      - Chaintech IFM1 Motherboard (T2 Hx Chipset)
      - Gravis PNP Ultrasound with 1024Kb onboard RAM.
      - SoundBlaster AWE 32
      - Fujitsu 2.57 gb HD (Pico Bird 9)
      - ATI Expression Pro with PC2TV (12 ns ram)
        - UniVBE (or equivalent VESA 2.0 drivers) will be an
          available configuration option.
      - 16 MB EDO Ram

      The competition computer is being provided by Intelligent
      Solution Computer wholesalers.

    The competition machine will have Windows 95 Revision B installed.

*   All realtime entries will be run from a Windows' version of DOS; NOT
*   a DOS window.  The AUTOEXEC.BAT and CONFIG.SYS will be released in a
*   later version of this textfile.  The latest version of UniVBE will be
*   installed in the path, as will several common DOS extenders (DOS4GW,
*   CWSDPMI, RTM32, DOS32).  You may execute any of the files contained
*   on the path from inside the entry or from a .BAT file (this allows
*   common elements to be excluded from the entry size).  All entries
*   will be run from this prompt.  If an entry reboots the system at any
*   time, it will be disqualified.  All file names must be ISO-9660
*   compliant (Standard MS-DOS file names).

    When you submit an entry your picture will be taken with a digital
    camera. When it comes time to receive prize money, the person who
    picks up the money will have to match the picture.

      Demo:
  - Maximum size is 4096 Kilobytes.
  - Maximum time duration is 10 minutes.
  - Pure animation files are not acceptable.  This includes
    executables that just run an animation.
  - Must support a no sound option.
  - The file name must be ISO-9660 compliant (Standard MS-DOS file
    names).
  - May not decompress itself to the hard drive.
  - May not save any configuration files nor write to the hard drive.
  - May not reboot the system.

      Intro:
  - Maximum size is 64Kb (65536 bytes).
  - Maximum time duration is 7 minutes.
  - Pure animation files are not acceptable. This includes
    executables that just run a animation.
  - Must support a no sound option.
  - The file name must be ISO-9660 compliant (Standard MS-DOS file
    names).
  - May not decompress itself to the hard drive.
  - May not save any configuration files nor write to the hard drive.
  - May not reboot the system.

      4Kb Intro:
  - Maximum size is 4Kb (4096 bytes).
  - Maximum time duration is 3 minutes.
  - Animations will be allowed.
  - The file name must be ISO-9660 compliant (Standard MS-DOS file
    names).
  - No music (this is to simplify the judging process).
  - May not decompress itself to the hard drive.
  - May not save any configuration files nor write to the hard drive.
  - May not reboot the system.

      Computer animation:
  - Maximum showing time is 3 minutes.
  - Maximum Resolution is 640x480.
  - The file name must be ISO-9660 compliant (Standard MS-DOS file
    names).
  - Due to the recent addition of this competition the rules have not
    been finalized.

      Free Hand animation:
  - Maximum showing time is 3 minutes.
  - Maximum Resolution is 640x480.
  - The file name must be ISO-9660 compliant (Standard MS-DOS file
    names).
  - Due to the recent addition of this competition the rules have not
    been finalized.

      Art/Design:
  - Due to the recent addition of this competition the rules have not
    been finalized.

      3d Modeling:
  - Due to the recent addition of this competition the rules have not
    been finalized.

      Multi-Channel Audio Tracking:
  - Maximum size is 1024Kb.
  - Maximum time duration to be heard is 3 minutes.
  - Thirty-two channel maximum.
  - The tracker name will not be shown on the big screen, only the size
    and number of channels.
  - The file name must be ISO-9660 compliant (Standard MS-DOS file
    names).

      Foreign competition
  - Maximum time duration is 5 minutes.
  - If the machine is nit a PC, bring it. The projector can handle
    S-Video and RCA.  We will have a VCR at the party place.
  - No illegal audio/videos.

      Wild Competition
  - Maximum time duration is 2 minutes.
  - Nothing illegal.

  We will have a traditional judges panel and voting system.  In
  addition to this we are adding a few new elements.  Here is an
  example:  The winner of the 4K competition will have the option to
  judge code for the 64Kb and 4096Kb competitions.  The coder of the
  winning 64K will have the option to judge the 4096K demo.  Same for
  music.  The winner of the 4 and 32 channel music competitions will have
  the option to judge the music portion of the Intro and Demo
  competitions.  No judge may evaluate their own production.  A coder
  may only judge the coding portion of the presentation, a musician may
  only judge the audio portion of the presentation, and so forth.
  Judging criteria and example sheets will be provided at a later date.
  A portion of the judging will also rely on public vote.  To vote you
  must have the valid voting program.  This program will be made
  available at a later date.

┌──────────────────────────
└─═ Services/Event features

  Crash 1997 will be a full-featured event.  Almost everything you could
  require for a three day excursion will be provided for you.  All
  services are available 24 hours each day unless stated otherwise.

  The master arena will contain most of the main attractions as well as
  several other smaller displays and activities.  The main entertainment
  system will consist of a large screen projector and a powerful P.A.
  system, as well as several other interesting devices that will
  promote the eclectic atmosphere of this event.

  The projector is likely to be a 20 foot by 15 foot rear projection
  display capable of receiving S-Video and RCA input with a resolution
  up to 1600x1200.  Due to the size of the projected image, a 320x200
  pixel image will contain pixels over 2.5 cm in length and width.  For
  this reason, the image will be filtered through a resolution
  enhancement device that will raise the quality of all images to the
  full 1600x1200 resolution.  The primary use of this device will be to
  display real-time graphics generated by PC, although the input device
  is capable of displaying VHS and other sources of input.

  The audio system will be a real kicker with 20,000 watts of sound on
  each of four speakers and two 2x18 sub-woofers.  The audio equipment
  will be configured with two of the speakers and two of the subs making
  up the left and right channels, while the final two speakers will make
  up the rear channel.  All sound will be processed through a Dolby
  Pro-Logic decoder for true surround sound.  This is the approximately
  the same configuration they use for giant concerts (raves), so believe
  us when we assure you that it is LOUD.

  The projection screen will sit against the far wall of the master
  arena.  Immediately in front of this screen will be the
  presentation/dance floor.  On the four corners of the floor will be
  located the audio systems output.  Surrounding the floor will be
  several different forms of light sources.

  Regarding personal hygiene; washrooms and shower stalls will be located
  in the slave arena.  You will need to provide yourself with a towel,
  soap, tooth brush/paste, hair comb, etc.

  Meals and snacks will be available for a cost set by the providers.
  A bevy of food variations will be provided, from fast food to fine
  dinning.  The event place hosts an on site restaurant and licensed
  lounge as well as snack and pop concession machines.  We are also
  communicating with several fast food chains to provide a stand with
  your favorite fast food items.  Current fast food providers in mind
  are SubWay, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and Pizza Hut.

  Addressing the issue of smoking; smoking will be allowed in the
  master arena and outdoors.  The turf in the slave arena is
  non-removable and will burn.  Anyone smoking in the slave arena will
  be tagged.  If there are any burns on the turf in the slave arena
  those who are tagged will be responsible for the cost of damages.  If
  they are not willing to pay for damages, the cost will come out of the
  prize money, and the names of the individuals not willing to pay the
  fine will be released on the internet.  If you smoke, smoke in the
  master arena, outdoors, or in the lounge, and you have nothing to
  worry about.

  We are planning to provide several IPX Hubs as well as the necessary
  cables and network cards.  Anyone with access to a computer may
  sign-out a network card and cable so that they may connect with the
  network Hub.  There will be several network game competitions
  organized.  You will need to provide yourself with a computer that
  meets the competitions requirements (requirements are set based on the
  lag a computer not up to specification would cause on the whole of the
  network).  We will provide all the necessary networking hardware and
  software.  Internet will mostly be accessed the same way.

* Electricity will be free, so feel free to bring your computer.  There
* will be sufficient power bars and tables.  On site security will be
* very good.  All equipment will be tagged, and the owner given a
* matching tag.  No equipment will be permitted to leave the event
* location without matching tags.

┌───────────────
└─═ Questionnaire

  We would like to hear from you.  Please feel free to fill out this
  questionnaire and e-mail it to us.  If required you may modify
  this form to suit your suggestions.

Q: What other "demo-parties" have you been present at?
Q: How long are you planning to visit Crash 1997?
Q: Do you plan on entering any of the competitions?  If yes, which ones?
Q: What "demo-groups" are you an active member of?
Q: What is you function in these groups?
Q: What platforms are you familiar with?  In what way?
Q: Age/Sex?
Q: Food preferences/Fast food chain (if not listed above)?
Q: Activities you would like to see that weren't mentioned above?
Q: Your piece of scene trivia to add to the data base? (For Jeopardy)
Q: Favorite demo/intro? (The most popular demos will be shown on the
   big screen when there are no events)

┌───────────
└─═ Sponsors

  Current Sponsors are (in order of signing up):

  - Xi Entertainment
  - H2O Entertainment
  - Intelligent Solution Computers

  We are currently communicating with several company's in regards
  to the role they may assume in sponsoring the event.  They are not
  listed here because the details of their sponsorship have not been
  completed at this time.

┌──────────────────────────────
└─═ Ticket/Ordering information

  We have booked the location and dates of the event.  We can now assure
  you they are final, and are not subject to change.

  Pre-event tickets available are as follows:

  Individual 3 Day admission:
    Cost : $55
    Purchase Number : #1
    This ticket will guarantee your access to all the activities that
    take place at Crash.  You will also be eligible to compete in all
    competitions.  You are allowed entrance to both arenas from 10:00am
    Friday till 8:00pm Sunday.

  Group (10 people) 3 Day admission:
    Cost : Purchase 9 of #1 and receive 1 of #1 for free
    Purchase Number : #2
    This ticket will guarantee 10 people access to all the activities
    that take place at Crash.  It will also allow each individual to
    compete in all competitions.  Each individual will be allowed
    entrance to both arenas from 10:00am Friday till 8:00pm Sunday.

  Rave admission:
    Cost : $20
    Purchase Number : #3
    This ticket grants you access to the main arena from 10:00pm
    Saturday till 6:00am Sunday.

  Competition Viewing admission:
    Cost : $20
    Purchase Number : #4
    This ticket grants you access to the main arena from 8:00am Sunday
    till 8:00pm Sunday.  This ticket does not allow you to enter in any
    competitions.

  Rave/Competition Viewing admission:
    Cost : $40
    Purchase Number : #5
    This ticket grants you access to the main arena from 10:00pm
    Saturday until 8:00pm Sunday.  This ticket does not allow you to
    enter in any competitions.

  Tickets available at the door are likely to be single day passes (if
  there are any available at all), and their price will be subject to
  demand.

  T-Shirts and Posters will be available at the event and possibly after
  if there is sufficient supply.

  Pre-event purchases may be made by sending your cheque or money order
  to:

    Xi Entertainment
    237 Bedford Circle
    Calgary, Alberta, Canada
    T3K-2N8

  Please specify your purchase number and quantity.  All prices are in
  Canadian funds, and include the 7% GST (Goods and Services Tax).

  Cheques must specify Canadian currency.
  Post dated cheques will not be accepted.

  A list of ticket purchases will be available on the Crash web page
  under ordering information.  A textfile version will be available at
  http://xi-media.com/crash/salelist.zip.  If you have purchased
  tickets, make sure your name and appropriate information appear on
  this list.  If your name is not present after 1 month of mailing your
  purchase request you should contact us.  If your name does not appear
  on this list you may be denied access or requested to purchase single
  day passes upon entrance.  Please allow 3 to 4 weeks for this list to
  be updated with your purchase request.  Your cheque or money order
  will not be cashed until your request has been added to the list.

  The money made from this event will be used to pay for all equipment
  and activities, as well as the cash prizes.  The organizers are
  hosting this event, contributing their time without the expectation
  of making any money.  If more individuals pre-purchase tickets than
  anticipated, we will adjust some of the cash prizes, increase the
  event features, etc.

  As a condition of your use of the Crash 1997 facilities, you assume
  all risk of personal injury, property loss, or property damage, from
  any cause whatsoever including, but not limited, to the risks of
  attending Crash 1997.  The ticket holder may not hold the Sponsors,
  Crash 1997 organizers, or staff liable for any such personal injury,
  property loss, or property damage, and waives all claims with respect
  thereto.

┌─────────────────────────────────
└─═ Contact information/Organizers

  For any questions or comments feel free to e-mail [e-mail].

  We would like to here from you.  We are interested in what you feel
  will help to make this a more enjoyable, more successful, event.

  The main organizing is being done by the current Xi members:

    Maxwell Sayles (Fysx)
      e-mail: [e-mail]

    Shawn Sterling (Seks)
      e-mail: [e-mail]
--

        Cthulu here again.  Please hack into our data files and distribute
        this information across North America.  With NAiD dead and Scream and
        Eclipse smouldering in the ashes, this should be the party to attend!
//end six


//:seven
//run :setup2

Darklock's Adventure with the Bum

     If you didn't know already from Henry's spoken word's... Henry
and Ian Mackaye (Fugazi) used to work in a pet store when they were
geeky teenagers and they knew this bum by the name of Paul.  If you
know who I'm talking about then I skip the next part...

     Paul was a guy who would just spew out chaos... stuff about being
a marine and building a runway through the petstore and he needed to
go call in the marines to build the runway and stuff ... he was your
psycho-bum.  I hope you know who I'm talking about...

     Anyways, I was downtown yesterday and as usual I had "Talk to me"
tattoo'd on my forehead ... everyone and their mother was talking to
me and then I ran into this guy.  He was about 5'4" tall, greying hair
that was below his shoulders, beard that had a pickle in it and he was
sitting down.  He looked at me as I passed by and said "Hi..."
nonchalantly.  I stopped and said Hi because I'm one of those unique
peoples. ;)  After minor introductions he asked me to sit down next to
him which I did and he told me who he was;

     A 2008 year old alien prophet named Cornelius and that he could
tell my future.  He told me that I would die a poor man but I'd have
two wives and a big pink van in my garage where I held all my Beatles
memorabelia.  I couldn't help but put 5 bucks in the man's dirty hat
on the ground and he and I went for coffee and I kept asking him all
this shit... tried to keep myself in his game plan. :)  Man... he told
me about his spacecraft which needed plutonium and banana's to run
because the potassium in the banana would recreate anti-matter warp
power along with the plutonium for his engines... and he went on and
on.

     Man... it rocked. :)

     BUT if you don't know who Paul is... you won't really get this at
all and I'll have to make you copies of my tapes. :)  Which reminds
me... do you have Sweatbox and Spoken Word by him?  If not, I'll whip
you up some copies... mmmm... my buddies getting a CD burner. ;)

                                             Darklock


... "Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos."
//end seven


//:eight
//run :setup2

Darklock Thinks About His Week

     It all started this Monday when I went to see "Kissed" downtown.
It was a strange Monday... woke up early, had a warm cup of tea and
watched the sky.  I often do this, but doing it at 7:30 on Monday
morning is very weird for me as I was up til 4 am the previous day
hanging with some of my buddies.  Didn't seem too be that strange
though so I made up my mind and I headed off downtown on the bus to go
see "Kissed".

     Kissed, without destroying the plot, is all about a woman who has
a fascination with death.  I found myself once or twice crying during
the movie because I felt so akin to this woman it wasn't funny.  My
first girlfriend and I were obsessed with death and always talked
about it, and seeing this movie flooded me with memories from the
past.  The movie ended, I got up and blinked as the sun hit my eyes
and thats when it hit me.  I become totally overwhelmed with panic and
it felt like everyone around me was dead and I was the only living
person.  Why I felt like this I have no idea but I found myself
breathing heavy as I walked away from the movie and, after having a
fleeting memory of the first time I did Ecstasy, I felt the need to
run away from everything... to be away from it all.  As I walked down
the street towards the Library downtown, I focused myself by thinking
of a story I'd read by Kahlil Gibran called "The City of the Dead"
which I posted to Audrey awhile back.

     I wandered around downtown Vancouver in a haze for four hours...
almost got hit by a car as I unknowingly walked across the street
during a red light.  Someone asked me if I was "okay" after the car
came to a halt and I pulled away from the person and felt like crying.
I felt another wave of panic come over me because I don't like not
controlling what I am doing... I have this inherent fear that if I
loose control of myself, I will loose sense of reality.  I walked away
from Downtown and settled down in a park near Chinatown, laid on my
back and watched the sky for three hours without moving an inch.  I
wasn't thinking of anything except how I wanted to immerse myself
totally and completely in the nakedness of another's soul... no games,
no complexities ... just pure contact with another person.  I didn't
want to tell that person I loved them... I didn't want it in return, I
just wanted to sit and hold another human being for the rest of my
life.

     It then came upon me that I have a huge vat of problems that I
continually think about and try to solve and how I know no one who
will listen to me WHILE I feel comfortable telling them.  I won't talk
to any of my guy friends because most of them are macho ignorants, or
I just don't know some of them well enough.  I don't know any women
who I trust enough to do this with because a) I've always feared women
and b) none of them really listen to me in the first place and lastly,
any woman I know personally that I'd want to tell them my problems I
would rather try to date them instead, or lust after them.  It's a
double-edged sword in my world of things and I know that I walk around
and have a fear of telling people my weaknesses.

     I came home that night and didn't want to talk, look or even
acknowledge my roommates even though they did talk to me like usual
and I played the actor by acknowledging their existance but to the
core I wanted to kill them both.  That made me afraid for an instance
because I really wanted to kill them... take a knife and stab them to
death and then kill myself.  Then I could sit in my room, turn off the
lights and sit along with my silence and everything would be nice.  No
one telling me their problems... no more listening or putting up with
bullshit... just plain silence.

     Since that day, I've spent incredible amounts of time in my room
reading books ... polished off three in the last two days and am
halfway through the Bible, which I am reading so I can then read City
of God.  I went for an 8 hour walk today, aimlessly walking around
Vancouver, watching a baseball game but I knew at some point I would
have to come back home because I was getting hungry.  I ignored both
of my friends tonight when I got home and just sat watching the
television and my best friend Terrene asked me if anything was wrong
and I played the act, "No... of course not..." and continued watching
my video.

     While I was doing the dishes tonight, I held a knife in my right
hand and ran a deep cut through my left forefinger just to remember
what it felt like from the old days.  I had considered it for a second
but then thought of one thing... being alone kept me happy and alive.
I mean, my friend was sleeping... I could have just gone into the
bathroom, slit my wrists, turn on the hot water and just pass out and
die and that'd be that... but no, me being alone kept me alive.

     I've learned too that all of you whom I respect incredibly I
don't really want to meet because I have this fear you'll just be like
everyone else I know, especially the women around here.  I was
intrigued when I met Tillie and Jay (Silver Angel and Hippy for those
who don't know) and I found myself just wanting to tell Jay everything
and a wanting to hold Tillie all night long and not say a thing.  As
for everyone else, and like I said, I've never really wanted to meet
anyone and for the stupid truth of it... people can or cannot listen
to me here but in reality, no one listens to me at all except when I'm
keeping them entertained.  I've reached out once or twice in the last
few weeks to a few friends of mine and found them NOT wanting to
continue to talk but being nice about it... they were so self-absorbed
that they didn't give a shit that I wasn't having a good night.

     I wanted to phone Tillie but I figured I'd probably get her
answering machine and even then, I'd just end up being silent or
asking her how she was doing because I spend all my time making sure
others are doing good while I don't care about myself.  Even now, I
have my headphones on and I'm listening to some music and I don't want
it to end because than I will have to hear my roommate snore on the
couch and I'll stress out and want to choke him to death for real...
so, I'll finish doing all of this, listen to music til I need to sleep
and then go to bed... nice and quiet in my room, I can close the door,
it's dark and silent and no one can bother me.

     I explained to my father that I wasn't working for much money
these days, and that where I work for putting up raves/parties my boss
said he'd let me work enough to get me off of welfare.  I told my
father this and as per usual, he gets mad at me because this makes no
sense to him.  Who cares if I'm not happy... you can move out to
Langley and work for a friend of my father's blah blah blah so I
listen to an hour's worth of rhetoric from my ignorant father who
often borrows money off of me and I'm on welfare.  My mother is a
person who missed me all the time but we are not very close... talk
very little and she sleeps alot because of her disease fibromyalgia.
I needed my teeth fixed and asked my Aunt, who owns two cars and a
house, if she would loan me the money to get my teeth fixed and get a
plate with two teeth in it so I wouldn't have a gap in my mouth and
she said "No... sorry Clayton, we're strapped for cash...".  I asked
my grandmother, who is a very controlling individual in the first
place, if she would loan me the money.  She owns a house, a car and
has somewhere in the number of 250,000 dollars in stocks/bonds AND has
2500 dollars in an account for when I go to University to help me
start out and she said she didn't want to give me a loan for my teeth.
I told her I was never going to University and that I needed the money
to fix my teeth.  She said No.  I told her that I would never ask her
for anything ever again, and after spitting at her feet, I told her
she'd never have a grandson after today.  I left the house and heard
her start crying and I smiled... and my mother tried to stop me from
leaving but I walked away.

     Some woman that was interested in me awhile back, and
mysteriously dumped me and didn't talk to me for a month or more
phones me up and apologized for the way she treated me.  BUT she wants
to be friends and she starts telling me some of her problems.  All the
woman I'm interested in have boyfriends that they love... I'm starting
to hate everyone around me ... and I don't even know why.  All I want
to do is get away so I can have more silence and lonliness yet I know
deep down I hate being lonely.  I thought of moving up to Prince
George and living with my ex-girlfriend Carrie... but she told me in a
letter that she has become serious with her current boyfriend up there
and NOW I don't want to interfere in that because that wouldn't do her
any good.

     To top it all off... I don't even care, nor know why I am writing
this because I don't really give a shit about what anyone has to say
anymore because all I ever get from my friends is, "It'll get better
buddy..." if I tell them I'm having a bad day and I don't expect
anything more out of them... and I dare not tell any women that I'm
interested in that I feel like this, they'll avoid me like the plague.
All I want is for that old feeling of love to come back from that
fucking whore who killed herself after she said she loved me...

     So, remember what old Uncle Clayton has to say at a time like
this... there's always someone out there who's been through worse than
you have.  Ha-fucking-ha!  Ain't that the truth...

                                             Darklock
//end eight


//:nine
//run :setup2

Ok... Time to clear my throat..

     For the last 3 years I have been heavily into techno/ambient/etc. and no
one I knew listened to it. All of a sudden the media has picked up on certain
acts and publicized the shit of it. And now everyone I meet has jumped on the
techno bandwagon. They like it because it's underground but if the common man
can obtain it in the "underground" section at HMV, it really isn't.

     I picked up the province yesterday and read a huge article on the opening
of a new club replacing the town pump. The articles focus was to spread the
news about techno and how popular it has become. The glory days of electronica
are over.. The record companies have found a way to market it.

     Don't ask me why, but I have this strange feeling inside of me that says
techno will follow the route of disco in the 70's and die out after the masses
have grown sick of acts such as prodigy.

               -Esquire
//end nine


//:ten
//run :setup2

The "Word Games!" message area on TST, when it was up, spawned some mighty
collaborative poems.  It gave rise to many rounds of "Dictionary."  But it
never approached the potential for silliness that Nitnatsnoc managed to
arouse when he'd stop by on TABNET and post something like the following.

from: Nitnatsnoc
subj: fun fun fun

    Hi. It's SuperFunNight, featuring the good ol' question game.

    I give you a series of answers. Your job is to reply to each answer with
a question that would go with it.

    Man, I haven't done one in a long, long time. Okay, here goes:

    1) Tie it to your ankle, and walk around for a bit.
    2) I don't know, but you better stop looking at me like that.
    3) Shhh! You'll anger the gods!
    4) A brand new puppy, toothpaste and the Cold War.
    5) I'm not sure. Go ask that crazy old man licking the sidewalk.
    6) I detect a paradox.
    7) Funny, that reminds me of something a koala bear said to me once.
    8) Fine, fine! Just stop harassing my children!
    9) Whoa, whoa, slow down, and take it easy.
   10) Man.. I'd like to see THAT at the CN IMAX theatre with 3-d glasses!
   11) Give me a kiss and I'll think about it.
   12) Sorry, but I've got no room.
   13) Hey, wait, I thought you had a cold!
   14) Not bad, not bad.. I think the beginning could use some work, though.
   15) Jazz? What?

And now, the answers!

from: Geekboy

GB>      So, how do i use this Bop-Ankle-o-matic 2000?
NIT>     1) Tie it to your ankle, and walk around for a bit.
GB>
GB>      Whens the next spaceship to Mars, baby?
NIT>     2) I don't know, but you better stop looking at me like that.
GB>
GB>      CHRIstianity is stupid.
NIT>     3) Shhh! You'll anger the gods!e
GB>
GB>      Whats that In your bag?
NIT>     4) A brand new puppy, toothpaste and the Cold War.
GB>
GB>      What does the sidewalk taste like?
NIT>     5) I'm not sure. Go ask that crazy old man licking the sidewalk.
GB>
GB>      Seen any paradoxes latley?
NIT>     6) I detect a paradox.
GB>
GB>      mmmm, eycluptys.
NIT>     7) Funny, that reminds me of something a koala bear said to me once.
GB>
GB>      I want a jet, and some imported cheese.
NIT>     8) Fine, fine! Just stop harassing my children!
GB>
GB>      asdfgkl;!
NIT>     9) Whoa, whoa, slow down, and take it easy.
GB>
GB>     Oh baby, its some eggs and a toaster.
NIT>    10) Man.. I'd like to see THAT at the CN IMAX theatre with 3-d
NIT>    glasses!
GB>
GB>      Can I borrow one of your socks?
NIT>    11) Give me a kiss and I'll think about it.
GB>
GB>      Can i join the rat race, too?
NIT>    12) Sorry, but I've got no room.
GB>
GB>      <kissing noises>
NIT>    13) Hey, wait, I thought you had a cold!
GB>
GB>      ...and thats my screenplay!
NIT>    14) Not bad, not bad.. I think the beginning could use some work,
NIT>        though
GB>
GB>      mumblemumblecoughcoughjazzcoughcoughmumble
NIT>    15) Jazz? What?

from: Happyfish

HF>      Is my glass eye in crooked?
NIT>     2) I don't know, but you better stop looking at me like that.
HF>
HF>      Run! Xeno's coming!
NIT>     6) I detect a paradox.

from: Etana

ET>      What's this small child doing here?
NIT>     1) Tie it to your ankle, and walk around for a bit.
ET>
ET>      <with transillvanian accent>
ET>      Hello, My name is Fracula and I was wondering if you know where the
ET>      nearest blood bank is?
NIT> 2) I don't know, but you better stop looking at me like that.
ET>
ET>     Well I think Zeus should just stick that lightning bolt right up his-
NIT>    3) Shhh! You'll anger the gods!
ET>
ET>      McCarthy's keys to popularity:
NIT>     4) A brand new puppy, toothpaste and the Cold War.
ET>
ET>      You ever wonder what the gum on the bottom of your shoe tastes like?
NIT>     5) I'm not sure. Go ask that crazy old man licking the sidewalk.
ET>
ET>      Sensor readings, Mr. Tuvok?
NIT>     6) I detect a paradox.
ET>
ET>      I think we all should go hug a tree..
NIT>     7) Funny, that reminds me of something a koala bear said to me once.
ET>
ET>      Now, can you really take candy from a baby...
NIT>     8) Fine, fine! Just stop harassing my children!
ET>
ET>      What to say to a stampede of elephants heading straight for you:
NIT>     9) Whoa, whoa, slow down, and take it easy.
ET>
ET>      I think there's something blue growing on my cream cheese...
NIT>    10) Man.. I'd like to see THAT at the CN IMAX theatre with 3-d
NIT>    glasses!
ET>
ET>      Leia: "Han, you can't leave.. whatever will the alliance do without
ET>             you!"
NIT>    11) Give me a kiss and I'll think about it.
ET>
ET>      Tina, you sure you don't want the grand piano at SFU?
NIT>    12) Sorry, but I've got no room.
ET>
ET>      <checking through lunch bag>
ET>      Peanut butter sandwich.. grape drink.. lint ball.. "Grease"
ET>      soundtrack.. I don't think it's in here.
NIT>    13) Hey, wait, I thought you had a cold!
ET>
ET>      <after observing a man fall off a skyscraper>
NIT>    14) Not bad, not bad.. I think the beginning could use some work,
NIT>        though
ET>
ET>      I think there's a tazmanian devil chewing on your leg..
NIT>    15) Jazz? What?

from: Daryl

SK>      Mommy! what do I do with this severed penis ? !!
NIT>     1) Tie it to your ankle, and walk around for a bit.
SK>
SK>      Is everyone watching you ?
NIT>     2) I don't know, but you better stop looking at me like that.
SK>
SK>      I know ! Let's say something blastphemous !
NIT>     3) Shhh! You'll anger the gods!
SK>
SK>      Name everything you loved about the 80's.
NIT>     4) A brand new puppy, toothpaste and the Cold War.
SK>
SK>      Where do babies come from ?
NIT>     5) I'm not sure. Go ask that crazy old man licking the sidewalk.

from: Weird

WD>     is that a booger on your teeth?
NIT>  2) I don't know, but you better stop looking at me like that.

from: Cthulu


CT>      How did they achieve the special effects in that famous porno
CT>      movie, "Long Dong Silver"?
NIT>     1) Tie it to your ankle, and walk around for a bit.
CT>
CT>      What would you do if I told you that you were turning into a cheese
CT>      danish?
NIT>     2) I don't know, but you better stop looking at me like that.
CT>
CT>      Man, that Jesus guy really pisses me off.  I found him in bed with
CT>      my wife!
NIT>     3) Shhh! You'll anger the gods!
CT>
CT>      What are the last three secrets of Honeycomb (tm) cereal?
CT>
NIT>     4) A brand new puppy, toothpaste and the Cold War.
CT>
CT>      I think you dropped the top scoop  from your ice cream cone.
CT>
NIT>     5) I'm not sure. Go ask that crazy old man licking the sidewalk.
CT>
CT>      I AM LYING.
CT>
NIT>     6) I detect a paradox.
CT>
CT>      Look at me!  I'm a talking koala bear!
CT>
NIT>     7) Funny, that reminds me of something a koala bear said to me
NIT>     once.
CT>
CT>      Hey buddy!  Can I touch you?
CT>
NIT>     8) Fine, fine! Just stop harassing my children!
CT>
CT>      How would you reccommend having sex while riding on a horse?
CT>
NIT>     9) Whoa, whoa, slow down, and take it easy.
CT>
CT>      So... pretty impressive, wasn't it?  Bet you didn't know I could
CT>      wiggle my uvula like that...
CT>
NIT>    10) Man.. I'd like to see THAT at the CN IMAX theatre with 3-d
NIT>        glasses!
CT>
CT>      Can I kiss you?
CT>
NIT>    11) Give me a kiss and I'll think about it.
CT>
CT>      Ve vould lake to be your tenants.
CT>
NIT>    12) Sorry, but I've got no room.
CT>
CT>      Uh-oh... I think it popped.  Pass me the thread and that needle over
CT>      there.
NIT>    13) Hey, wait, I thought you had a cold!
CT>
CT>      So... I finally finished the beginning of my novel.  What do you
CT>      think of it?
NIT>    14) Not bad, not bad.. I think the beginning could use some work, though.
CT>
CT>      O-prah.  Oh-prah.  Jazz-uh-cize.  JAZZ-UH-CIZE.
NIT>    15) Jazz? What?
//end ten


//:eleven
//run :setup2

HF> Descendants, not stnadnecsde, silly.
CT>
CT> ^^^  - brooke's comment
CT>
CT> vvv - rowan's head.
CT>
CT>  |||||
CT> < o o >
CT>    `
CT>    o
CT>
CT> oo, goes rowan, I don't get it.
HF>
HF> Well, if you take Erewhon to be nowhere, then Descendants should be
HF> stnadnecsde, hm?
HF>
HF> <unless Brooke is being silly and seeing references to utopian novels where
HF>  none exist, of course.>
HF>
HF> <you're just trying to get in to kithe, aren't you.>

She's got a point.

Drawing silly ASCIIs is a means by which any no-talent hack can appear in this
glorious magazine.

And thanks to this article, you don't even have to draw asciis, but merely
have to refer to its future appearance in Kithe, to appear in Kithe!

Does that make any sense?

NO!

So here are some more Kithe-related Kithe-appearing Kithe comments.

MF>
MF>      i'm going up to the top of the ... shit. theres no tall buildings in
MF> deep cove. i'm going to shoot myself with an ascii gun if i dont get into
MF> kithe! grr!
MF>
MF> and them i'm going to draw ansi! yeah! ansi ansi! more! and i'm going to
MF> get into mist!!! mist!
MF>
MF>                       "waa, i wanna get in kithe!"
MF> bubble         / me /
MF>                   /
MF>        \|||||/  /          / gun
MF>        (o) (o) /   ====nn___
MF>        (  @  )      /  `"$$$.
MF>          ll        /     `""'
MF>   /------l-- -----/
MF>          l
MF>          l
MF>          l
MF>       al""l
MF>      ,l   "l
MF>      l"    l
MF>    ,al    /lba.
MF>
MF> yay!
HB>
HB>   ^^
HB> I think THAT'll get you into the asciiwars article in the next issue for
HB> sure  =)
SK>
SK> I've created a monster. 8)
SK>
SK> (see kithe12)

Handiboy has demonstrated awareness of the fact that there is a lurking
presence which may possibly immortalize these silly messages...

but Silent Knight is all too aware of the fact that not only will it be noted
and filed but set aside in an article especially for people to see! (gasp!)

SK>  <Armored knight sporting a black trench coat and combat boots
SK>   enters the scene>
SK>  <Undaunted by the swordsman he waits for command from weird to release
SK>   excalibur from its girth.>
AN>
AN> <Out of nowhere.. THe MaN iN THe YeLLoW HaT appears through the fog>
AN> <Everyone is in awe.. his many followers bow in his extreme prescense>
AN> <dERiddlER now has an ally>
BA>
BA> <spurred on by a cowardly anonymous posting, Blood Angel once again puts on
BA>  his leather jacket, slips his 10 gauge into it's holster, and draws his
BA>  shortsword>
BA> <the light gleams from his sunglasses as he steps forwards to stand alongside
BA>  Silent Knight>
BA> <the area around him goes quite as he speaks>
BA>
BA> "OK, who's first?"
FR> ..But before he can do anything, Ed the happy Sumo's skydiving lesson ends
FR> tragically.. For both of them.
FR>
FR>
FR> EEE
FR>    AA
FR>      A
FR>       a
FR>         h
FR>         !
FR>
FR>  splot.
BA>
BA> Ya, it was tragic when I cut Ed in twain. But he was about to fall on me
BA> since his parachute never opened.
LY>
LY> <THe MaN iN THe YeLLoW HaT laughs at Blood Angels puny attempt at bringing
LY> fear to followers of the YeLLoW HaT>
LY>
LY> <He calls upon dERiddER to stand strong and fight by his side>
BA>
BA> <spurning Lyteforce's derogitory attitude, something Lyteforce does well,
BA>  Blood Angel prepares for something he does well, he prepares for the
BA>  coming battle>
SK>
SK> HAHAHAHA!!
SK>
SK> I hope somebody's capturing all of this!

Somebody?

After your own foreshadowing comment before, you should have known, Silent
Knight..

you should have known that it would some day appear in Kithe.

...

SK> A drunken man is not a man in control of his actions...
SK>
CT> Perhaps he shouldn't allow himself to lapse into a state of
CT> drunkenness then
SK>
SK> No kidding.
ME>
ME> All that can be said here is this:
ME>
ME>                 ` ____        .
ME> ---`-->-----`-------__==----------
ME>                         --
ME>          W O O S H !
ME>   -__
ME> -----, --------------/--->--->----'
ME>  '               '
ME>                         A
ME>                         |
ME>                         |
ME>        o  .    .        |
ME>         +   o     +     +------- The flow of messages
ME>     * .        *
ME>         _.----._
ME>       /`        `\
ME>      |   0   o    |     <------- Silent Knight's Head
ME>
ME>
BE>
BE>                                                  /--\
BE>                                                 /    \
BE> ---\                                            /     \--------
BE>     \                                          /
BE>       \                                       /
BE>         \                                  /
BE>            \-----------------------------/
BE>
BE> wow?
BE>
YT>     If you haven't capped that yet, i'm going to hurt you.
YT>
YT> ..please see next message for details..
CT>
CT> Please, I had this captured before you even read the message.
CT> Give me some credit here, I've been doing it for a long time.
SK>
SK> Capturing messages that insult me and then publishing them in kithe does
SK> not give me a warm fuzzy feeling to say the least...
SK>
SK> GRRRRR....
SK>
SK>
SK>  _______    |   __________
SK>       (0)        (0)
SK>
SK>
SK>            ----
SK>
SK>       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
SK>
SK>
SK> SK KILL !
SK>
WE>
WE> lighten up, buddy.
WE>
WE>        /    \
WE>         o  0
WE>    |             |               smile, you geek!
WE>    `.___________.'
WE>         l | l
WE>         l | l                    or else i'll have to spit on you.
WE>         `._.'
WE>
WE>          .',
WE>          `-'                     too late.
WE>
SK>
SK>         -\
SK>              --
SK>
SK>          0    0              Thanks for being neat, jocelyn. 8)
SK>
SK>            --
SK>       |           |
SK>         \_______/
SK>
SK> -\
SK> --
SK> 0    0              Thanks for being neat, jocelyn. 8)
SK>
SK> --
SK> |           |
SK> \_______/
WE>
WE> (oops, the quoting screwed it up).
WE>
WE>
WE>         _   _
WE>           u             no problem.  =)
WE>        \_____/
WE>
SK>
SK> That was crappier than MINE !
SK>
SK>          HHHH      HHHH  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
SK>          HHHH      HHHH  AA           AA
SK>          HHHH      HHHH  AAA          AA
SK>          HHHHHHHHHHHHHH  AAAAA        AA
SK>          HHHHHHHHHHHHHH  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
SK>          HHHH      HHHH  AAAAAA       AA
SK>          HHHH      HHHH  AAAAAA       AA
SK>          HHHH      HHHH  AAAAAA       AA    H A  W  !!!!
SK>
SK> MAN! THAT SUCKED !
SK>
SK> HELLO KITHE !
SK>
SK> Heee hee..
SK> MAYBE.. SOMEONE.. will put this in KKKIIITTTHHHEEE!
SK>
WE>
WE> you laugh funny.  "ha haw?"  hahaahahahaha.
WE>
WE> you should laugh better:
WE>                                               $$$$$$$$$$
WE>                   $$$$$$       $$             $$$$    $$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$
WE> $$$$$$$$$$$$      $$$$$$$$     $$    $$$$$$$   $$$     $$$        $ $$$$$$
WE> $$$$$$   $$$$$$   $$$ $  $$     $  $$$$   $$$  $$     $$$        $$$$
WE>$$$$$$     $$$$$    $$$ $  $$    $ $$$$    $$   $$$$$$$$$          $$$
WE> $$ $$             $$$$$    $$   $  $$$    $$  $$$$   $$$           $$
WE>  $$$$$$$$$$$       $$$$    $$  $$   $$    $    $$$    $$$        $$$$
WE>           $$$$$$    $$$    $$ $$$  $$$    $$   $$$     $$          $$
WE>   $$$$  $$$$$$     $$$$$    $$$$$    $$  $$$     $      $$       $$$
WE>     $$$$$$$        $$$$      $$$$    $$$$$$     $$       $$       $$$
WE>                                                                   $$$
WE>
WE> hey, look!  i'm good enough to join APG!!!
WE>

...

HF> WE HAVE NOT HAD A BLOODY AND VIOLENT REVOLUTION.
SK>
SK>  Wait a century.
HF>
HF> Over gun control? I doubt it.
SK>
SK>  Over gun control? I doubt it as well.
SK>  It will most likely be over something else.
SK>  (but having guns and vehicles will be needed to do it.)
HF>
HF>
HF>   o
HF>  /|\  <-- Brooke, without gun, doing some hard core doubting of this topic.
HF>   ║
HF>   "    <-- see? yellow shoes. it's an actual photo.
HF>
HF> Random canadian, also without gun, not holding a violent and bloody -->  0
HF> revolution over his lack of gun.                                        /¡\
HF>                                                                          ║
HF>
HF> This overly ascii-ized message has been brought to you by the National
HF> Coalition to Appear in Kithe.
SK>
SK>  I've created a MONSTER !
SK>
SK>
SK>      |\/\/\/\/|
SK>      |        |
SK>      |        |
SK>      | o   O  |
SK>     @    7     @
SK>      |   |    |        <---FrankenKithe Monster !
SK>      |        |
SK>      \ ^^^^^^^^^/
SK>       ----------
SK>         | |
SK>         | |
SK>         | | (yah, I know it sux)
SK>

Any monster that creates 341-line articles without me having to write anything
substantial is A-okay in my books.  So until next issue, keep writing and
talking, secure in the knowledge that somewhere... someone is watching what
you say and type and waiting to put it into an E-mag somewhere.
//end eleven


//:twelve
//run :setup2

        I would like to share an emotional moment with all of you whom I call
my family and friends.

        It is about something that you would probably not have been prepared
for. It was certainly a moment _I_ was not prepared for.

        Please let me share this with you.

        It began on Sunday the 3rd of November at approximately 5:40pm.

        After feeding Hamlet, my pet rabbit, I decided it was a good idea to
empty the compost. Let me describe the situation. There is usually one
plastic ice cream container used for kitchen scraps that needs to be thrown
into the compost bin out in the garden. This particular time, it had been
sitting full, and overflowing - might I add, for a very long time. I don't
know how long. My best guess would be two months. If it had been longer, I
don't want to know about it.

        Not only was there this plastic icecream container, there was one
bowlful of scraps and another oven dish with pieces of mouldy pumpkin plus
some other unidentifiable substances. I knew they had to be emptied some time
or another. The only thing I regret is that I chose to without the aid of a
gas mask and gloves.

        Being the good samaritan as I am, I reached for the bowl and oven
dish first. A cloud of fruit flies suddenly appeared from the rotting
vegetable scraps. Fearing that I might breathe one of these small insects
through my nostrils, I held my breath as best I could and ran to the compost
bin outside. I opened the compost bin and was met with another massive cloud
of these horrible little flies! Hurriedly I tried to empty the bowls but the
contents were stuck inside. I panicked and grabbed a nearby stick and pushed
the contents as fast as I could into the bin. I felt nauseated to see the
colonies of mould and the disgusting blobs that were once vegetable scraps
fall sickeningly into the bin below. Let me add that this is the first time
something has made me so nauseous by just the appearance. (It smelt a little
but it wasn't that bad). When I finished with the bowls, one of those little
flies decided it would be a good thing to try to fly up my left nostril. I
was not impressed.

        Back inside the kitchen, there was the icecream container left and
those little flies were still everywhere! I took the container, sending
another cloud of fruit flies into the air and all over my hands. ARRRrrgh! I
ran out and grabbed the stick, pushing the offending waste into the bin.

        I think there are still fruit flies inside the kitchen. I tried to
get rid of them by opening the window, but it just let more in. When rinsing
the bowls out with hot water, I broke one of them. That was the first time in
many years that I had broken a bowl, plate, or cup. I am now emotionally
scarred. But hey, at least that's one less bowl I have to wash...

        This has been the single most disgusting, horrific and nauseating
experience I have ever had in my entire life. I just wanted to share this
experience with you. I hope you all feel special that I chose you to share
this important time in my life with. Let the moral of the story be: "Get
someone else to empty the compost instead...".

Thankyou.

Sharon/Maeve Wolf/Tatharina
http://www.effect.net.au/sharon
//end twelve

//:thirteen
//run :setup2

[78] Seventyeight productions
Founder:  Jake Blues
Duration: New, two releases so far

        Dedicated to releasing music in 'albums'.  Rather, to releasing
computer music in a format simulating that of a music album, with cover art
and a certain combined length of songs, as well as a unified theme and feel
to the music.

        For a better definition, we went to the Blues man himself.

        ...

        78 is a change in approach and concept for my music, It's not meant
to be a group. Y'see everybody basically follows the same pattern, right?
Write single, greet friends, zip single, u/l single. Maybe you get a group
pack. Now I was sitting back trying to find some kind of inspiration and
direction to take with may songs, so I said "Greg... what's one of you
favorite thing about music." Easy enough, albums. I always admired artists
who could put out solid albums over something with 2 singles and a lot of
filler. Especially artists like The Who, David Bowie and Jethro Tull, who put
out whole theme albums.

        So by approching my music as a whole entity, a project, I can express
myself on several levels at one... I put out some tunes that (hopefully) flow
together, I write lyrics for some of the songs (Most of my inspirations for
songs stem from lyrics), and I create 2 gifs, one front album cover, and one
back (listing the songs, etc.), throw in an info file and voila! A complete
work o' Blues.

[AD] Alpha Design
Founder: Ranma Man
Duration: a few years old

After the decline of the BBS scene, Ranma took it upon himself to start a
web design company.  His most notable triumph to date is the Canon Xerox copier
home page.

[AD] Armada Design
Founder: Silent Knight
Duration: New

Scraping together the talent present in Mistigris to try and make some profit
at doing artistic type things.

[AKHC] Art Kids Hate Club
Founder: Trans Am
Duration: Forever

        A friendly rivalry between people in the Warez scene and the Art scene
sees this slogan rise up from time to time taunting us.  Ouch.

[CPPOATDAFP] Cool People Pissed Off At The Dark And Fire Pack :)
Founder: Muton
Duration: April / June 1997

Pretty much a rehash of PPOATDAFP but more supportive of its (2) members.

[DO] Delphic Oracle
Founder: Vectorman
Duration: New, one release (Bubble Mania!)

Game-making group, much in the spirit of Coven, with many of the same former
members as well as members of Mistigris and Sonic Equinox.

[EV] Epic Visions
Founder: Etana
Duration: New

Current incarnation of Stardust Graphics.
Let's see what the founder has to say about it.

"As I have a full-time job at the moment, I haven't made a serious attempt to
promote Epic Visions.. and have basically been working on refining the
company--I just recently finalized the logo--so that when I do present myself
to the business world it'll be with a competant, professional face.. I'll be
using the money I make this summer to upgrade my computer system--probably get
a new hard drive and some ram--and do a bit of self training..

I intend to take next summer off school and will begin my efforts to really
get Epic Visions in gear then.."

[JD] Jaded Dreams
Founder: Darklock
Duration: New, dead

Web design company he attempted to start up with the help of Thanatos.
Someone in charge of stocks messed up and the business went down the tubes.

[KiX] Kix
Founder: Kurupt
Duration: New, no packs yet.

        A 'hacking group' with a new art division. "It should be easy to get
in because we've got hardly anyone in it yet."

[KrYpTuS] Kryptus Art
Founder: ?
Duration: New, no packs yet.

        A new group with art that seems... too good for beginners?

[LICS/LICKS] Licks
Founder: Kingboy D
Duration: New

Precursor to APG.
The name said it all.

[NICOTINE] Nicotine
Founder: Plastic
Duration: New

A 'zine for the 604 underground scene which failed because no one in the 604
underground scene wrote for it.

[POLARITY]
Founder: Plastic
Duration: New (Jan 1997)

ASCII group that comprised most of the ASCII talent in the 604 - combining
the old AIR with much of the ascii talent which had developped in Mistigris
and Krap.  Fell apart, no releases.

[PPOATDAFP] People Pissed Off At The Dark And Fire Packs
Founder: Weird
Duration: April - June 1997

Weird's reaction at having all of her art QC'd from the Dark AND Fire tour
packs was to found this group.

[PPOATDP] People Pissed Off At the Dark Pack!
Founder: Muton
Duration: May/June 1997

Muton's reaction at having all of his art QC'd from the Dark tour pack was to
found this group.

[PROG] Progress
Founder: Neophyte
Duration: sporadic.

Neophyte showing step-by-step how he draws ANSIs.

[PWHWTMFWA] People Who Have WAAAAAAAAAY Too Much Fun With Acronyms
Founder: Happyfish
Duration: June 1997

Happyfish's reaction to PPOATDP, PPOATDAFP, CPPOATDAFP and
PWLTDBWSQCFTDAFPBTAEAG.  This was followed by the founding of
PWLTDBWSQCFTDAFPAPWHWTMFWA.

[PWKOQC'DP] People Who Kill Over QC'd Products :)
Founder: Muton
Duration: June 1997

Making more of a claim to the future rather than dwelling on the past,
specifically on the Dark and Fire tour packs 8)

[PWLTDBWSQCFTDAFPBTAEAG] People Who Like To Draw But Where (sic) Still QC'd
                         From The Dark And Fire Packs Because They Are Elite
                         Art Grubbers
Founder: Weird
Duration: April/June 1997

A slight upgrade from CPPOATDAFP.

[PWLTDBWSQCFTDAFPAPWHWTMFWA] People Who Like To Draw But Were Still QC'd From
                        The Dark And Fire Packs Because And People Who Have
                        Way Too Much Fun With Acronyms.
Founder: Weird
Duration: June 1997

A combination of PWLTDBWSQCFTDAFPBTAEAG and PWHWTMFWA.

[RV] Reveal
Founder: Feral
Duration New (Feb 1997)

Feral's replacement for AIR after Polarity absorbed it.  After this he just
made solo releases and joined some larger ASCII groups.

[SG] Stardust Graphics
Founder: Etana
Duration: 1993

Unofficial Web Design company started by Etana when she was 16.  Turned into
Epic Visions.

[SI] Stupid Idiots
Founder: Sarcasm
Duration: New

"I figure if theres a big group out there called LICKS, I'm sure I could top
it off. huh?"

[SILKK] Stupid Idiots Licking Krap for Kix
Founder: Nitnatsnoc
Duration: New

"Sorry, but I'm afraid my group 'Stupid Idiots Licking Krap for Kix' will
be tough competition for your group. (SI)"

[TMFG] Tabbers Mistaken For Gordon
Founder: Everyone who changes their handle
Duration: Ever since Beatle went on a name-changing rampage

Because of the frequency which Beatle changes his handles, other handle
changes (and new posters to TABNet) are often mistaken for new appearances of
Gordon (Beatle.)

[TRACKER] Tracker Art
Founder: Grunge (and sole member)
Duration: New (Jan 1997), one pack released

"o well i am realeasing my own pack called tracker I only solo but thats ok
maybe some people will see my stuff."

Well, we saw it.

And we weren't impressed 8)

[YoA] YoUtH oN aNsI
Founder: ?
Duration: New

Not a lot known about these fellows.
They keep a very low profile but of everything we've seen in the past four or
five years this looks the most serious.

//end thirteen


//:fourteen
//run :setup2

MA>     How about you capture the string of messages about what various mist
MA> people label their hard drives for an article in kithe?

And we thought, gee, what a great topic for an idea.

So, without further ado..

stories of hard drive labels!

PE> Volume in drive C is HAL_2000
PE> Volume in drive H is BIG_BROTHER
MA>
MA> My C: drive is DISK1_VOL1
MA> My D: drive is DISK1_VOL2
MA> My E: drive is DISK1_VOL3
HF>
HF> Volume in drive A is ROOTBEER
HF> Volume in drive C is ALAN
HF> Volume in drive D is SQUID
HF>
PD>
PD> my drive c: AMERIKKKA
PD> my drive d: SAILORMOON
PD> my drive e: IN PAIN
MA>
MA>     Well that's not very creative.
SYL>
SYL>     Volume in drive C is FUZZPOOTER
PL>
PL> mine is now "sPAM_IT_UP".
PL> soon to be "plastic_1".
TE>
TE>     Volume in Drive C is TOO_LOUD
FE>                          ^^^^^^^^
FE> Ha! i had that for my volume label once. :P
CT>
CT> Mine says "Volume in DRIVE C is DEE DRIVE."
CT> also "Volume in DRIVE D is SEE DRIVE."
CT>
CT> drives my dad bonkers.
MF>
MF> my drive c: is FISH
MF>
MF> and my dad yelled at me, because of the file system being named FAT once.
HB>
HB> My brother named the HD "CORE DRIVE" while he name our SyQuest Drive
HB>  "ALPHA CARGO".
HB>
HB> I changed the HD name to "DYLESAIX"  (dyslexia) =)
HB>
ET>
ET> At present the board is e-lizard and my other one is matilda.. at one
ET> point it used to be:
ET>
ET>     Volume C: is MINE

//end fourteen


//:fifteen
//run :setup2

A recipe that somehow got left out of the Kithe Cookbook, back two issues
ago:  Happyfish's (in)famous FUDGE PIE!  While we may be duplicating our
cookbook antics again, this recipe simply cannot wait.  So, without further
ado...

                                   FUDGE PIE!

Ingredients:
        11 tablespoons margarine/butter
        3 squares of unsweetened chocolate <make SURE you get unsweetened
        1½ cups sugar                       cause semi-sweet tastes gross>
        1/3 cup flour
        2 large eggs
        2 teaspoons vanilla
        ¼ teaspoon salt
        1 cup chopped walnuts

Instructions:

        1. Preheat oven to 350°

        2. Melt butter and chocolate in a small pot on very low heat, stirring
           constantly. Set aside.

        3. Mix sugar, flour, and eggs well.

        4. Add vanilla, salt, walnuts, and mix.

        5. Add melted chocolate and butter to mixture and mix well.

        6. Rub bottom and sides of a pie pan with butter.

        7. Pour mixture in to pan.

        8. Bake 25-35 minutes, or until pie is dark but not burned.
           <stick a knife in it-- if it comes out clean it's done>

        9. Chill for several hours or overnight
           <or if you're rushed, stick it in the freezer for 45 minutes
           Serve cold.

        10. Eat it. Make another batch. Eat that. Develop a fudge pie
            addiction. Mmm.

//end fifteen


//:sixteen
//run :setup2

By: Hippy
Subj: Mars...Venus.

     I dreamed a dream that wasn't a dream last night. I'm left wondering
in the morning whether I dreampt or envisioned or intuited or...what.

     I saw, in front of me, a beautifully ornate book. The cover was
leatherbound and impressed with wonderful circular patterns. The pages
were clean, thin, and very strong. It looked as if it was a thousand years
old, but brand spanking new. It opened, and sat.

     Enter an equally ornate quill or pen or some really cool instrument
like that. It hovered above the open book, and the entire scene fascinated
me to no end.

     I was hit with a flood of intuitive informatin about the vision
that I will attempt to put in writing now.

     Wish me luck.:)

     I've spent the last three months studying masculine and feminine
principles and how they work from a somewhat Buddhist point of view, and
this vision brought the two principles together in a wonderfully
explanitory way.

     The book represents the Soul(Feminine) power. A device
that records without judjement, not pushing in any direction but forming
the basis upon which an event (any event) can happen. The feminine principle
is much like time, without it, will is useless simply because nothing can
happen. Motion wouldn't exist without it.

     Feminine=The Soul, Immovable, Base of life, unmoved and immoveable,
A tempestuous mountain filled with the potentialities of eaons.
     The Book of Life.

     The pen represents Spirit(masculine) power. A device to impress
upon the soul a pattern to make it a complete work of art. The book
is a recording, immoveable thing. The pen is the mover, the Spirit
of the Warrior, the energy of the ages in all of us that forces us to
action.

     Masculine=The Spirit, the mover, The key to unlock all the
potentialities of the eaons.

     The Fire of life.

     Without these powers, no one can exist. We are masculine and
feminine in a mixture that allows us to shape our conscious minds to
whatever shape we wish it to be. The cons
cious mind is only a shadow
of what we really are.

     The conscious mind is only a shadow of what we really are.

     I just had to repeat that, I'm having a moment:)

     We are the Pen, The Book, and much more. Once you become the
Book, and move the Pen, the mind becomes like clay, to be molded
and shaped. It will be tempered through the fires of life, and snuffed
at the end. It's a gift, a toy, a learning experience.

     But it's not a bigger deal than the Pen and Book.

     Live life as the Warrior.

     And the Goddess.

     Hippy.

//end sixteen


//:seventeen
//run :setup2

Welcome to Kithe issue number 13, better known as:

        "<Cthulu|#mist> 113 articles.
                <tincat|#mist> 0 coders.
                        <tincat|#mist> and a whole lotta shakin' goin' on!!"

One of the qualifying features I declared would have to happen before releasing
Mist's first post-tour pack was that we needed some more long pics and an issue
of Kithe.

Foolish me was expecting this to probably take all summer, allowing for a
leisurely pace.

Instead, the night before she is scheduled to go on vacation, Happyfish calls
me up and asks for the articles.  Frantic mag-making ensues.

Still, this mag WAS made, despite the fact that we couldn't find a coder.
Drawing on her experience from our Blender #30 group entry, the ChopShop
E-Mag, Happyfish took it upon herself to code this Kithe in B.EXE, the script
language written and used by Eerie for the last few issues of Undergrown and
Pudding.  Once more, we're taking tools given into the hands of the people and
actually making use of them, something which in this instance we have never
seen done before.

        (in a few months we will no longer be reliant on B as it seems that
        Questor is working on something far more comprehensive (and
        user-friendly - for me, the author that is!) but in the meantime we're
        still looking for programmers who'd be up to coding one or two more
        issues of Kithe before this mysterious software is completed.)

The slogan on top of this article is slight hyperbole, as many of those
articles were set aside for future issues of Kithe and many others were
consolidated together to make one article out of many, but the reality is that
despite the fact that this issue of Kithe was put together at the last minute,
it is still one of the most voluminous and comprehensive issues we have ever
released.  The number 113 is exaggeration, but not by much, and that towering
number was one of the reasons that this mag took so long to come out.

It was getting pretty difficult to NOT release an issue.  As time went on and
Mist kept going with its tour, and its host groups consistantly turning down
opportunities to release joint issues of Kithe, we kept amassing and amassing
and amassing articles with no release until it seemed that even if we ever
_did_ want to release an issue there would be so much material that such a
feat could never be done!  Kithe was waiting but life was going on!

Still, outside these intellectual urges there was something deeper, baser,
more primal.  Some instinctive _itch._

        The hand scrambles, a fleshly spider, crawling and jerking, now
here, now there, looking for something but it has no eyes.  It has to rely
on other ways to divine its location.

        It patters up a leg, then reverses direction, then halts and waits.
It has caught the scent, the psychic signature.  It can taste the fear.

        Slowly, cautiously, it creeps down to the pant leg, then, leaping
upon the moment, forcing the leg up with a rough, uneven motion.  It throws
itself furiously, like a ravenous scorpion, on to the exposed skin, biting
through the short hair with its fine nails and scraping its hornified
callouses against the shocked pink skin.

        The prey, an unseemly itch, has disappeared, consumed by the flurry
of manual motion, and, with a good final scratch to ensure that it doesn't
come back, the pant leg is rolled back down, returning the blushing, tender
flesh to decency and obscurity, then regains its tired pacing, fingertip by
fingertip, up and down the course of the body, ever-vigilant in its quset to
thwart the ultimate irritation.

Ahem.
My mind got away from me for a second there.

Oh yes - you may have noticed a few speeeling rerors in the previous segment
(and in fact all throughout the magazine) - not being unusual in our art scene
nonetheless as a writer I generally pride myself on my mastery of the use of
words.  The fact of the matter is that my keyboard is busted through and
through, and above all the letter 'e'.  If this bothers you to such a degree
that you may find yourself incapable of reading the mag we may release a
spell-checked version 8).

(onyx sat, perched upon the rooftop, like some kind of gargoyle, scanning the
street below for signs of trouble, when just such a thing showed up. Cthulu,
or at maybe the alien who ate him, and took his persona, made..... anOTher
typo. Onyx had seen this too many times of late, but without positive proof,
there was nothing he could do. The alien meneace that inhabited the once
flawless typist would have at least one more day to prepare for it's
confrotation with justice.)

Confrotation?  Ha!  He's one to talk about bad spelling.

Anyway, while this issue features more than the usual quantity (and quality,
even) of articles, the code is just what we could make of it, so there will
be few (if any) fancy effects and the music will have to wait until next time.

In addition, the choice in the articles is somewhat more varied this time
around - we're taking it upon ourselves to spread official news about the art
scene (though what is contained in this issue is somewhat old, it was current
when we got it 8) as well as to spread perspectives and anecdotes dealing with
nothing so much as life here in the 604.  What's in here may not be relevant
to you, to the art scene, or to Mistigris at all, but we can hope that no
matter what it is, it will be interesting to someone.

(We've got statistics on our side.)

In any event, with this colossus out of the way, expect to see more regular
issue releases (as with pack releases as well) and always look to Mistigris
for invention, inspiration, and asylum.

Signing off, Cthulu of Mistigris and sundry other stuffs.

                "Mistigris 1997 - Stayin' Alive!"
//end seventeen


//:eighteen
//run :setup2

Some stuff that Thanatos captured off the IRC 8 months or so ago which he
thought was amusing enough to re-post to us before he disappeared:

   here Cthulu - thought you might like to see this.. hehehe

   #Blade on the irc

Session Start: Tue Dec 03 16:39:09 1996
<Thanatos> LS: you know when MC usually gets here ?
<LukeSky-> than: yeah, normally when he sits in front of his computer
<lfn> woo!
<Thanatos> okay smart ass
* LukeSky- thinks that Thanatos just isn't very nice.
*** You were kicked by LukeSky- ({FireFIGHT} SHAPE UP)
*** Attempting to rejoin...
*** Rejoined channel #blade
<Thanatos> and you were ?
<LukeSky-> calling me a smart ass and such..
*** You were kicked by LukeSky- (only mommy can call me a smart ass)
*** Attempting to rejoin...
*** Rejoined channel #blade
<Thanatos> i just asked a simple question.. if you don't know - then just say
don't know
<lfn> heh.
<LukeSky-> But I did know, and I gave you the answer.  If you don't want the
answer, don't ask.
<lfn> Now whats all this carrying on with questions, and not knowing, and such
<Thanatos> i asked if he knew when MC usually comes in...
<Thanatos> he said "when he sits in front of his computer and gets on"
<Thanatos> i called him a smart-ass
<LukeSky-> you don't want the answer, don't ask
<Thanatos> if you don't know the answer, just say so...  sheesh
<Thanatos> i can see this collab is gonna work out great...  heh
<lfn> thanatos? I thought it was just Thanos?
<LukeSky-> But I did know, and I answered damnit!
<Thanatos> nope.. Thanatos...  greek god of death...
<Thanatos> used to be Grim Reaper...
<Thanatos> LS: and it was a smart-ass reply...  i call em as i see em...  :)
<lfn> thanatos: ahh. That must be where Marvel got it...
<Thanatos> heh..  yeah..  i guess
<LukeSky-> than: Nah, I ain't a smart ass tho..
<lfn> eh.
<Thanatos> LS: although it was funny.. i  was trying to be serious....  :)
<Thanatos> i wanna show MC the finished pic. he did a logo for...  for our tou
thingy (mist)
<LukeSky-> mistigris?
<Thanatos> oui - Mistigris...
<LukeSky-> mist rocks.. cthulu is god of literature
* LukeSky- bows to Cthulu
<Thanatos> hehehe
<lfn> Luke!?@
* Thanatos is vga shark...
<LukeSky-> lfn: what?
<lfn> Don't FUCK w/cthulu... phew boy. That is one _fucked_ up god man...
<LukeSky-> I ain't fucking with Cthulu.. he's da bombest
<lfn> werd
<_Sensei__> I appear to have come in on an interesting conversation.
<lfn> luke, so you've read some Tales of the Cthulu Mythos?
<LukeSky-> lfn: never... I'm talkin bout Cthulu of Mistigris =)
<lfn> luke: what is Cthulu of Mistigris?
<LukeSky-> lfn: it is a he.. best rhyming lit guy ever.. EVER!
<lfn> Oh.
<lfn> hrm
<lfn> I doubt that.
<LukeSky-> lfn: who is better?  you?
<lfn> Possibly.
<LukeSky-> send me something, I shall be the judge.
<lfn> I claim nothing.
<lfn> Something like, say what?
<exar-> lfn!!@#@!$@$!$@$
<lfn> exar!?!@!$@$!#!%#%@!#@%#%!$%#@$$^^@#$#$!$@~!
<LukeSky-> lfn: something that rhymes obviousky =)
<lfn> luke: I'll put some phat lyricism in tha next blade pack...
* lfn grins deviously
<lfn> ...and we shall see
<LukeSky-> lfn: you don't hold a candle.. Even _I_^`Straight Ganstah'^!X%x:_.
<LukeSky->    . .  .
<LukeSky-> <magnatOp> woah.
<LukeSky-> oops
<LukeSky-> even _MY_ best rhyme shit doesn't hold a candle to Cthulu.
<LukeSky-> exar: you gonna ferget me?
<lfn> But like I said. I claim nothing, it is you that shall be the portrayer
magnatism.
<LukeSky-> lfn: ok, we shall see

check this out...

#mist buffer saved on Sun Nov 24 17:26:50 1996
*** Now talking in #mist
*** Tears ([e-mail]) has joined #mist
*** MistGOD sets mode: +o Tears
> blah
*** Feud ([e-mail]) has joined #mist
<Feud> My Boss Feud Is Here! (fear =)
*** MistGOD sets mode: +o Feud
*** da_drug (~irc@166.48.172.166) has joined #Mist
<da_drug> isn't there a mist already?
> you're fucking hilarious Tears...  Mist's been around for over 2 years...
> pick another name...
<Tears> thanat0s: MIstigris is DEAD!!!
<Tears> lamer...
> ha..
> then why am i head of the vga ?

   [same bat-time, different bat-channel]

#acid buffer saved on Sun Nov 24 17:28:52 1996
*** Now talking in #acid
<Tears> A new uprising art group is up, Good artist/etc in demand, join #mist
> Tears....  Mist's been around for over 2 years man...
> Tears...  pick a new name
*** Tears was kicked by hack_ (there already is a mist)
> thnx
<WIND^TMS> that was mistigris, not mist
<hack_> yeah
<hack_> but it's still a "reserved" name.
> well..  technicalities.. ;)
> mist - just a short for Mistigris - kinda like the acronym for Ansi Creators
<WIND^TMS> A new uprising art group is up, Good artist/etc in demand, join
#acid2
<[nd]> #acid2 is private..

    [momments later, back at the bat-channel]

*** da_drug (~irc@166.48.172.166) has left #Mist
<Tears> you know what...
<Tears> ok
<Tears> i'll change the name
<Tears> c'ya dude..
*** Tears ([e-mail]) has left #mist
> uh huh
*** dj_bender ([e-mail]) has joined #mist
<dj_bender> what a joke
<dj_bender> what a joke

    hrmmm.. is he serious now that he's seen the wrath of the art
    community (_the_ acid art Gods <g>) on his un-wise descision of
    picking "mist" for his new group ? or will he continue to portray
    the lamer that he is, by having a bot in the #mist channel.. and
    claiming to be a new group?
    stay tuned next week for the exciting conclusion...   same bat-time,
    same bat-channel...

Th
(edited for space)

//end eighteen


//:nineteen
//run :setup2

In an effort to fit more into our geographic community as well as our place in
the art scene this e-mag will be featuring message posts from various boards
around the 604 area code, not to promote any particular board or activity or
individual, but just to show the world what a great group of people live in
this part of the world.

So without further ado... Meija vs. The Cloverdale Rodeo!

...

i attended a cloverdale rodeo protest yesterday.. basically it was just me and
6 friends with signs.

5:00 - arrive in cloverdale. see brian from n van. wait and plan. two people,
racheal and laurie are going to jump in the rind and chain their necks to the
bars of the ring.

6:45 - walk over to ring, sit on hill overlooking.

7:00 - the group of people, [4] who are being chained and/or helping. go under
a hole in the fence.. "halt! halt!" yells a lazy security guard.

7:01 - me and the rest of the group go under the fence /w signs in hand and
run down the bleachers to the ring, start waving signs and yelling.

mike and racheal make it into the ring and almost make manage to chain
racheals neck to the bars. a huge muscle beast juice monkey jumps on rachel
starts punching and sitting on her.

other guards grab my g/f and another girl, laurie and pull them away from
nearing to enter the ring.

a guard grabs my shoulder, and my sign and throws me to the ground. scaped my
knee. he them runs over to the other girls and grabe the smallest one and
starts swinging her around. ingrid, the another girl jumps on him and knees
him in the stomach, groin etc..

he demands the sign. she yells "i'll give you the sign when you stop abusing
animals you dumb fuck" he gets mad and throws her to the ground.

cops are there within seconds, they grab everone EXCEPT me.. i guess i blended
in.. [i was wearing my cheeze 80's KISS shirt] they handcuff all my friends
and i start to walk arround.

i decide to get out.. and start walking, i look to my right and see the cops
with my friends.. they're walking right behind me.. i go to walk out the gate
and a lady grabs me. shit. i thought i was busted. she stamps my hand so i can
get back in.

the cops take my friends to the police station. i'm stuck in cloverdale with
no friends and no money and no ride home.

i sit on the grass in front of the 7-11 for about 2 hours and my friends dad
shows up to give me a ride home.

-

at the police station, they make the girls take off their bras so that they
dont hang themselves, as well as any ear rings, other piercings, and shoes
belts etc..

they end up finally being let out of jail at arround 11:30pm.

they've been charged with disturbing the peace, mischef<sp - why cant i spell
that?>, and tresspassing. all of them, except for 3 are minors. they get to go
to court on june 10.

if i had been arrested i wouldn't have gotten a free lawyer, i turn 18 on
monday and i wouldn't be able to get a lawyer untill tuesday since its a
holiday monday. lucky me.

the charges have about a 95% chance of being dropped say the lawyers.

-

that was the most fun i have had in a long time, my adrenaline was pumping so
hard.


the brian guy who was there, got grabed by the securty guards right when he
went under the fence, they just let him out. as they walked past the top of
the bleachers he grabbed the 100s of pamplets from his pocket and trows them
into the crowd.

woo.

...

CO> They also make all the girls take off their pants and shits and
CO> inspect them to make sure they don't have anything "bad" hidden in
CO> them. They don't bother looking at any of the guys' clothes though.
CO>
CO> hmm..
ME>
ME> yeah.. strange eh? atleast it wasn't a male cop.
ME>
ME> cop to laurie "take off your bra" laurie "whoa! i dunno, i'm a d-cup it
ME> might be a little dangerous"
ME>
CO> mike is wearing "Murder King" shirt. The announcer guy is illiterate
CO> or something and over the microphone says "Burger King? This animal
CO> rights guy has to get his priorities straight. I hope he chokes on a
CO> hamburger" or something like that..
ME>
ME> yeah i know, i was the one that heard that, everyone else was hancuffed
ME> and not listening to the guy on the micrphone. it was hillarious. brian
ME> from stickshift started yelling "it says MURDER king!!"
ME>
CO> what do you think your parents would have done if you had gotten
CO> arrested? Planning on telling them about any of this?
ME>
ME> i have no clue.. they either would have freaked out and went nuts or
ME> laughed at me.
ME>
ME> no. no. no.

--- live free or die
 * Origin: taos bbs - 6o4 572 7020 (31:3373/4)

//end nineteen


//:twentynought
//run :setup2

...UNDERLYING TRUTHS NO ONE'S REALLY WILLING TO ADMIT...

        Hello.  I am your editor, and I am about to say something that may
astound and... shock you.

        GRADE EIGHTS ARE NOT REAL PEOPLE.

        ( There, a nice little spot of controversy to start off the year
with. ) {relatively speaking.  This was written at the beginning of the
year, before I got a chance to mellow out a bit.}

        Most of you will probably rush up to attack my statement without
thinking about it for even a moment.  ( Others will also rush to defend my
statement without thought, but that will change as this editorial
progresses. ) "Of course they're people!  They've got two arms, two legs and
an inflated sense of self-worth, don't they?"  Well, yes.  Yes, in some
respects they DO appear to be people, but if you talk to them, put them into
a real-world situation, the difference between People! with Bleach and the
Grade 8's Brand X will soon become apparent.

        If people are the sum of their experiences, they're lacking the time
advantage.  That's not entirely fair, but it's true enough.

        But wait.  There's more.  Hey... I'm not just picking fights out of
prejudice here... so to further estrange the school's population, I'll go so
far as to claim that most nines, tens, and elevens aren't real people yet
either.  But they're getting closer.  Grade 12 is about as close as you can
get to the reality of being a productive member of society here at school
without including the teachers, and even some of them are pushing the limit.

    We don't become real people until we become our own people - we
can't fit into our unique niche in the system until we become part of it
and we learn to use it to our advantage.  And just because you survive the
educational process doesn't guarantee a Certificate of Personibility - oh
no, that would be too easy.  It is to be a unique process for each of us to
emerge from out pupae and come forth as unique individuals, and as such it
differs for all of us.  A small portion of us will become real people before
escaping high school, while it may take years, decades for others among us -
if at all!

    None of us are real people when we come into this institution, no
matter how much we'd like to believe to the contrary.  And only if we are
closer upon graduation have we learned anything here during our tenure. -RL
...

        Hey ho.  Cthulu here.

        That's an article that I published in the first issue of my high school
newspaper, the Kitsilano Ideograph, but I think that the message can easily be
applied to the art scene as well.  It's not how well you draw or what group
you're in, but how much you've grown along the way.

        Think about it next time you ban all lamers from #ansi.  When you're
gone, they'll be all that'll be left behind.

//end twentynought


//:twentyone
//run :setup2

From: Pedantik
Subj: rollinz quotez

i've had these quotes for a while, they're a bunch of henry rollins
quotes..i've been reading over them a fair bit, and it's strange..

when i get depresed (i'm feeling a bit shitty about things..there's so much
static and bullshit that i have to deal with.) i see things so clearly..

"like jim morrison said, `hold on to your depression..', like, when life hands
you a lemon, don't do what the commercial says and say `make lemonade,' say
`oh yeah baby, i like lemons..what else have you got?!'"

blah.

---

The more you own, the more it owns you.

Anywhere you hang yourself is home.

I know I need something, because the grind is just burning me out.

It'll destroy you if you try to make it mean anything to anyone but yourself.

The best revenge is to survive yourself.

The scars will take me far, they always do.

I think about the meaning of pain.  Pain is personal.  It really belongs to
the one feeling it.  Probably the only thing that is your own.  I like mine.

The blues is losing someone you love and not having enough money to
immerse yourself in drink.

If you hate your parents, the man or the establishment, don't show them up
by getting wasted and hitting your car into a tree.  If you really hate your
parents, out earn them, out live them and know more.

There's no such thing as an ex-junkie.

Isn't it pathetic that we can fuck but we can't look each other in the eyes?

Scar tissue is stronger than muscle tissue-you're turning me into scar
tissue-I don't know if I should thank you or myself.

Half of life is fucking up - the other half is dealing with it.

You can get away with a lot of shit if it looks like that's all you know how
to do.

That's one of the joys about playing in Australia because you're dealing with
a continent that does not worship Axl Rose and Metallica.

I take what I do seriously.  I love it and I want to do well at it and work
hard.  But I'm not serious about everything I do.

Want a good body?  Work at it.  Want to be a success?  Work at it.  Want to
be truly exceptional?  Be a touch insane.
..You need a little bit of insanity
to do great things.

I don't want to know.  I don't need it.  I don't want the information that
millions of people have.  I don't want to be fed these boring facts and
figures.  Then you'll become one of the masses.  I'd rather starve my mind
a bit and have to search out nutrition in stranger places.

You know, I always wanted to be a dancer, but I could never get the shit off
my shoes. (Crazy Paul)

Hope is the last thing a person does before they are defeated.

When you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive.

To hate is to show you still care, who needs that, focus on what's really
important.

I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe in various degrees of hatred,
paranoia, and abandonment. However much of that gets heaped upon you doesn't
matter - it's only a matter of how much you can take and what it does to you.

You have to keep some perspective. I keep thinking that we work hard,
but it's nothing like what a construction worker does. The best thing is
not to talk and just do. I hate doing these interviews. I feel like a
damn idiot talking about this shit. A man that wields steel doesn't get
asked for his autograph, but I do. I can't see it as anything other than
bullshit. If you find yourself caught up in it in any capacity, it's
dangerous. Nothing good comes out of it. I feel like an asshole that
should be shot when I get asked to sign some fucking piece of paper.

There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall, so many laws to
keep you from experience. All these cities I have been in the last few
weeks make me fully understand the cozy, stifling state in which most
people pass through life. I don't want to pass through life like a
smooth plane ride. All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally
die. I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. I hope I
end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun - hallucinating, screaming,
giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks.
People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket
case." I will turn and say to them "It is you who are the basket case.
For every moment you hated your job, cursed your wife and sold yourself
to a dream that you didn't even conceive. For the times your soul
screamed yes and you said no. For all of that. For your self-torture, I
see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all
times!" And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.

I am ready for whatever's coming. I expect nothing but to be let down
or turned away. I am alone. Goddamn. The shit hurts sometimes, but I
realize what I am, what I have become. The alien man waved his arms up
and down and noticed that he couldn't wave in the right language so he
stopped.

If you really have a lot on your mind, and you really want to do
something with yourself...[then] Hating someone is giving them too much,
Just leave them alone. Its like when someone wants to hand you a big
pile of horseshit, you don't have to take it.

The P word is poetry, and I don't like to use that word. I think poetry
is for poets... cappuccino drinking beret wearing fake ass mustache
having, striped shirt wearing, Velvet Underground adoring poets.
Leaking, sniveling, moist clammy handed guys who can't get any. I just
go up and express myself freely - that's what we call a euphemism for
talking shit. When you title yourself, you immediately lend yourself to
all kinds of pretension, especially in the poetry business. "I'm a
poet", if someone said to me "I'm a poet" I immediately hate him, I'd
say "You're a dick."

If you want to accomplish anything interesting, you are going to have
to go hard.

Go without a coat when it's cold; find out what cold is.  Go hungry;
keep your existence lean.  Wear  away the fat, get down to the lean
tissue and see what it's all about. The only time you define your
character is when you go without.  In times of hardship, you find out
what you're made of and what you're capable of.  If you're never tested,
you'll never define you character.

We are hated. We are covered with spit and piss. Life sucks.

Snort that coke, what a joke, whose gonna wind up dead? You.

War going on inside my head. I can't get to sleep. I'd rather be dead.
Don't try to tell me, I can't hear your words. I'm not long for this world.

You want some art?  Come and get it.

I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention.  To not be like your
parents.  To not be like your friends.  To be yourself.  To cut yourself out
of stone.

Keep your blood clean, your body lean, and your mind sharp.

As miserable as life may be I hold it pre
tty precious...

Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.

Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them. If you hate
someone, hate them until it hurts.

It's hard to get along with people.  As much as you try to like them and
accept them as individuals, it becomes difficult because they keep getting
out of line and wasting your time.

The ones who don't do anything are always the ones who try to put you down

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no
light If I lose paper and ink, I will write in blood on forgotten walls
I will write always I will capture nights all over the world and bring them
to you.

The streets lie, the sidewalks lie, everything lies

You can try and read it but you're gonna get it wrong...all wrong
The summer evenings burn and melt and the nights glitter but you're gonna
get it wrong. And it's gonna sink its teeth into your flesh and pull you
to the bottom

--eOf!--
--- ..pUDdING tIME!
 * Origin: sUPERfIENd _/_/_/ hermaphroditic porn. (31:3373/0)
//end twentyone


//:twentytwo
//run :setup2

From: Platinum
Subj: Newsworthy?

I don't know if you guys know about this yet or what.. but you can call
anywhere in the Lower Mainland for FREE now that the CRTC took the monopoly
away from BCTel.  Anyways.. you call 517-2900 then press 1.  All you have to
do is listen to a 15 second ad, then you get a dial-tone on a relay.. you can
call tsswassen from poco and stuff.. it's cool. :)  The way I do it to call
boards is I use a phone connected to my modem line.. dial the # listen to the
ad.. and when the dial tone comes on I press enter on the entry in my
phonebook (ie. daemon's gate and the fuzzy doorknob)  Oh yeah.. What's the
number to TFD anyways?  I've never called it!..  I just called DG though, it
was k-spiffy!

No more LD!

...

So I suppose this is pretty useless for those of you who live outside of the
604... sorry for bringing your hopes up, and for those of you who thought
that this would be an article about telephone phreaking 8)

But now no one in BC has an excuse not to call TJM! Oh yes...

//end twentytwo


//:twentythree
//run :setup2

From: Silver Angel

        Sometimes, freedom isn't something to be desired.  One of the most
powerful truisms I've encourtered is: "Freedom is just another word for
nothing left to lose."  This is true.  After all, you are only free to
pursue all possibilities once you have no links or loyalties to anyone.

        A free person cannot betray anything, because they have nothing to
betray.

        3 weeks ago I became sane.  3 weeks ago was the last time I cut
myself.  I realised how much I did have to lose.  My sensible, supportive
mom.  My hopeful, distantly affectionate dad.  My fierce sister.  My friends,
who have been more of a family to me than any family can be.  My schooling,
and education.  My skills as a writer and an artist.  My work and
independance.  My joy in this life.  I carved "Freedom = Nothing to lose."
in my arm.  Because I am not free.  Because only once am I free can I
truly leave this world.  While I still have my loved ones, and things I
take joy in pride in, I will never be free.  These bonds do not chain me,
but anchor me.  All that I love is the stuff that keeps me from
dissappearing on the horizon.

//end twentythree

//:twentyfour
//run :setup2

While we're spamming you with silly stuff, especially in an e-mag coded in
B, we may as well present to you the MISSING ARTICLE from our 2nd-prize-winning
Blender #30 entry, the Kung-Fu-Fighting/Ninja/Sweatshop magazine ChopShop!
(This article actually was included in the archive but somehow it slipped
between the cracks.)

...

Is your kimono all gimpy and full of grime at the end of a hard day's
oppression?  Do you just want to toss in the towel and forget about kung-foo
fighting?

Well WAIT.  Now after coming back from the sweatshop you can go to the
SweatShop(tm)!

That's right, SweatShop franchised saunas!  There's gotta be one near you.
Imagine the theraputic value of having perspiration flooded out of your
pores, taking all of your body's impurities with it!  After a good half
hour, a dip in the icy cold koi pond in the back, then a session with
certified Shiatsu massage therapists.

Just watch out for the Alligators!

Sign up for our sauna program today and recieve a FREE: towel.  Always
useful in any and all contexts.  See a good Douglas Adams book if you doubt
this; a used mawashi!  (a what?)  that big g-string thing that sumo wrestlers
wear!  Guaranteed more-or-less free of skid marks!

AND THAT'S NOT ALL!

You'll get a Swiss Army Tamagotchi!  It cries for food!  It cries for love!
It cries for discipline! It splits bagels, and man, does it make Julien
fries!

So sign up today for our SweatShop Ninja special program.  Just be sure to
check your weapon (heh heh) at the door!

//end twentyfour


//:twentyfive
//run :setup2

        On Sunday, July 20th, for those who care about such things, Tom and I
(Euphonics/Urban Shade) will be doing an hour or so of downtempo beats and
ambience at the Whip Gallery Cafe on 6th and Main.  Festivities start at 7 PM
with ambient/dub DJs, ambient art slide projections, the classic Whip
atmosphere and of course, our live sound generation.  Best of all, it's free
(you'll have to pay for food or drink if you want any).  So come check it
out. It should be nice and relaxing. :)

//end twentyfive


//:twentysix
//run :setup2

 The extremist left-wingers(the politically correct opened minded
 people) think differently from the rest of us, and speak differently
 as well.

 Allow me to translate:

 A(archaic):    a grade indicating excellence during the
                less-enlighted, competetive era of education.

 abase:         what should be done with standards of all kinds.

 abnormal(archaic):     in less enlightened times, not normal.

 A-Bomb:        weapon used by United States to destroy peaceful people
                of HiroShima and Nagasaki.

 abortion:      women's most important civil right; the sacriment of
                radical feminism.

 academia:      place where great ideas flourish.

 acedemic freedom:      freedom of student or teacher to hold or
                        express views without fear of arbitrary
                        interferance, except when such ideas are
                        deemed racist, bigoted, homophobic,
                        insensitive, chauvanistic, imperialistic,
                        religious, conservative, or politically
                        incorrect.

 Academy Award: recipients get to make great political speeches
                and wear red ribbons.

 accomplishment: what the government allows you to do.

 achievement:   what the government allows you to do.

 animals: a collection of endangered species.

 archenemy:     Silent Knight. (Or anyone who questions anything) 8)

 atheism:       our official religion.

 balanced news story:   opportunity to quote two politically correct
                        people and give one personal opinion.

 blastphemy:    saying anything critical about mother nature.

 budget cuts:   what cause homelessness and poverty.

 campaign promises:     lies to get elected.

 censorship:    1. when parents try to influence which books are
                used in schools;
                2. when the governmennt refuses grants to artists
                because their work is obscene.

 choice:        something good when it comes to abortion, something
                bad when it comes to education.

 equality:      primary goal of education; is achieved by fostering
                mediocrity and sameness.

 F:     a grade that no one should ever get under any circumstance.

 fairness:      spreading pain and misery equally.

 family planning:       abortion on demand.

 father:        non-vital member of the family.

 federal government:    vital member of the family, primary
                        breadwinner; the best place to make most
                        decisions.

 feminist:      spokesperson for all women.

 fetus: unviable tissue mass.

 gangs: organizations of disadvantaged inner-city youths.

 global cooling:        excuse for higher taxes, more spending,
                        and bigger goverment.

 global warming:        see global cooling, a synonym; excuse for
                        higher taxes, more spending, and bigger
                        goverment.

 googolplex:    goal for federal budget.

 government:    panacea. Has answers for most problems.

 heir:  someone who inherits your tax bill.

 help:  what the government is there for to do for you.

 hocus-pocus:   words uttered to make new job programs work.

 Hollywood:     where dreams come true.

 inclusion:     everybody but white males right-wingers and
                conservatives.

 intolerance:   something we must do away with, except as it
                pertains to right-wing or conservative ideas.

 investment:    increased government spending.

 jobs program:   increased government spending.

 L:     the only grade necessary in public schools; indicating
        learning is taking place. 8)

 left:  center.

 lie:   strategic deception, spin.

 middle class:  rich.

 military:      1. federal jobs program;
                2. good place to conduct social experiments.

 morality:      1. something only left-wing, or politically correct
                   people can be trusted to impose;
                2. defined by individual
choice.

 news story:    opportunity to give personal opinion.

 omniscient:    the federal goverment.

 people:        creatures that imperil the world.

 poverty:       root cause of crime and urban despair.

 prayer:        one of the many kinds of speech that isn't
                protected and probably shouldn't be.

 press: our best friend.

 progressives:  socialists.

 quotas:        the way we equalize things.

 red ribbons:   the way to cure AIDS.

 revenue enhancement:   taxes.

 right: wrong

 school:        indoctrination center.

 secularism:    one of the world's great religions.

 share: steal.

 Soviet Union:  a place where socialism failed because the right
                people weren't in charge.

 spending cut:  what you promise gullible conservative or right-wing
                people to justify higher taxes.



 It's election time!!!!

 Laugh with me!!!

//end twentysix


//:twentyseven
//run :setup2

From: The Extremist
Subj: my day -- the 5th element

Hi.

My name is François, I'm 20 and I'll tell you about what I did today.

Err...  wait a minute.

                     *               *               *


I woke up at 16h, read the paper for 20 minutes, then jumped to the Arts
section..  "The Fifth Element", version originale anglaise, Le Laurentien,
19h15.  I phoned my friend...

"Wanna see The fifth Element from Luc Besson tonight?", said I
"I haven't heard about that flick, I've been living in a bubble for the past
 month"
"It has Bruce Willis in it, it's has a Bladerunneresque style, but lighter,
 with alot of colors"
"Does it have explosions?"
"I saw one in the trailer"
"Chicks?"
"I saw a readhead jumping in a void in the trailer"
"hmmm.."
"Are you going to decide this quickly?  I've got a bus to catch in 10 minutes
if I want to be there in time"
"Okay, let's go"

(My friend *IS* a cinephile, and knows alot more than me about cinema, don't
 let this get you the wrong impression..  :])

So I dressed up, snatched a Pepsi can and an apple from the fridge, and
catched my bus just in time.  I began to drink my Pepsi, but after a sip or
two, I remembered the nasty effects of Pepsi on an empty stomach, so I began
to eat my apple as well.  This is definitely a bad combo.  After that, I
discovered a bubble gum a customer gave me at the store where I work, so I
decided to chew it to change the taste in my mouth.  But THEN I remembered
she gave it to me because she didn't like it and wanted me to taste what I
was selling :]  I spat it out.

When I got to Le Laurentien, I was 45 minutes in advance on my friend, so I
went in the commercial center near the theater, to the grocery store where my
mother works..  (yes, she's a butcher and I'm trying to go vegan.  life is
full o' surprises)  Finally, I only spoke to her for 3 minutes because she
was in a rush, but the trip there and back made me pass time.  After that I
went to the arcade and beat up some WWF guys, then my friend arrived, but we
were still an hour early, so he beat up some WWF guys too, then I beat him at
air hockey, but he told me he took 6 beers before coming, so that explained
my easy wins.

Finally, we went to our room and discussed a bit about the bad music in
there, then I pondered the possibility to buy popcorn from the popcorn girl,
but I didn't when she told me it was 4 bucks.  Then we eargerly awaited the
Heritage ad about the poem some soldier wrote during WWI..  It had been
displayed before movies in Cineplex Odeon theaters for months now, in fact,
so much that my friend knew it by heart.  When the movie began, deception
came upon us...  No "coquelicots" ad!  We were terrified.  (sp?)

Anyway.  The actual movie.  It rocks.  If only for the visual effects, you
must see this.  I don't know how much CGI was used in this movie, but it all
blends perfectly together.  Nothing seems too obliviously generated, and
that's really rare with movies, even those with big budgets.  The first
half-hour has alot of references to many classics of sci-fi: star trek, star
wars, blade runner, star gate... (I haven't seen that one, tho, this is from
my friend)  Like I thought before seeing it, the movie has that
bladerunneresque style, but lighter..  Bruce Willis plays What Bruce Willis
Plays In Every Movie He's In, which is still cool, since this isn't Die Hard
13, but a whole new movie.  Milla Jovovich isn't mega-breasted, so she
doesn't look mega-cheesy.  :]  Her character isn't too much either, anyway.
That's what I liked about that movie...  It's an action sci-fi movie, but it
doesn't go into the mega-cheese business.  It has appropriate cheese.  :]
The whole treatment is a bit childish, and could have been a bit more mature,
but that doesn't really matter...  I mean, it could have been a bit better,
but it isn't bad at all.  My friend said that the whole setting, besides
machine guns instead of blasters, reminded him of the Star Wars RPG Universe,
if you know what I'm talking about, and I agree with him.  That was two
wicked hours.

When we exited from the theater, we were given promotional little boxes of
Lost Park Golden Grahams, so I ate that.  (the cereal, not the box)  Then we
went to Old Quebec to our favorite bar, but their was a bad band playing (ie,
entrance fee) so we went to Les Yeux Bleus, a "francophone" bar, or if you
prefer, a bar where a singer sings in French every night.  I drank a beer,
six shooters.  My friend drank three beers and six shooters.  He wanted to
contest me on the shooters, but he had a job interview for next morning so I
just let it go..  And anyway, I knew I'd lose.  I smoked a cigarette, which
did some effect to the non-smoker I am...  I even enjoyed the music!  :]  Of
course, the guy was now covering Cat Stevens' Wild World.

After that, I came home, tried to call on some boards, but they were all
busy, so I polled s00p4hf13nd.  After reading the tab messages, I wanted to
post a message about what I did tonight, but when I did a quick review, I
realized that I ate almost nothing, so I went up, grabbed the chocolate cake,
a big glass of milk (pardon me, barb; but how could I eat a chocolate cake
without any dairy?), then went down and wrote that message.

Now my milk is warm.  :(

-text (is there some specific stuff at which I'm really poor when I'm writing
       English, or am I just a general failure?)

... La réalité ne sera jamais autre chose que ce que tu en fais.

--- volume in drive c is TOO_LOUD
 * Origin: "This is a pretty good five-dollar milkshake!" (69:808/0)
//end twentyseven


//:twentyeight
//run :setup2


                 * * Official Scene Announcement * *
             Teklordz Productions, RIP, July 1994 - May 1997
              direct all questions to ts, ([e-mail])

This is the official scene announcement that Teklordz is dead.  This isn't
a hoax or a fake, I just felt that there was no life left to the group,
and decided to kill it.  In the last few months of its life, I must say,
we brought on some really good artists, however, I, as well as some
others, have felt the very life draining from the group-- there was just
no group cohesion anymore, no sense of group pride.  We became simply a
faceless group to which people merely submitted art to for the packs.

I could have attempted to revive it, but since I took over running the
group in mid-1994, it seems like it has been a long uphill battle to keep
the group alive.  When we decided to release quarterly instead of monthly
in March 1997, in the back of my mind I sort of realized that it was only
a temporary solution to the deeper rooted problems in Teklordz.

Part of the reason why I killed Teklordz was because I am planning on
leaving the scene.  Not leaving completely, I don't think.  But I am
leaving in the sense that I have no desire to release art on a monthly
basis, and likewise do not have any desire to go off to another art scene
group.  If I just simply left Teklordz and left someone in charge of the
group, I also realized that many others would leave, and there simply
wouldn't be much of a group left for that person to run.  So instead of
shooting the group in the stomach and having it die slowly, I decided to
give it a clean death, a sense of closure for not only me, but those that
were involved.

I must say though, we gave it a good run.  I can honestly say not too many
groups have done the same (not including the older groups in the scene of
course).  It seems like the trend has been a proliferation of highly
successful, yet short-lived groups.  While I am glad to see that the scene
is progressing in such a way that there are other alternatives open than
just the bigger, older groups, it is also something that gives the scene a
sense of instability, and, to some extent, incoherence.

And I am equally proud of those who stood by Teklordz for a long period of
time, and among the newcomers, those whose enthusiam for the group remained
unswayed by the group's somewhat frequent low points.  I regret that the
group did not work out better than I had hoped for.

So, as my last words to the scene under Teklordz... peace out to all our
members, whether old or new - Halaster - Prisoner#1 - Eerie - Cthulu:  I
can't believe Mistigris outlasted Teklordz!!!! :) :) - Fuel & BM, keep
rocking Europe!! - individual Teklordz (and ex-Teklordz) members to whom I
would like to greet:  Extreme, Tempo, Scope, Smooth, O-tron (Inazone),
Black Bull, Holocaust, Amnesia, Gedge, Mojo, Wolverine, Stimpy, Dimebag,
Flux (let's finish that joint vga!), Imode, Brass Monkey, and Qyv -
Tatharina:  keep Ooze going! :) - Inner Vision:  come a long way from them
Spastic days, eh? :) - Lazurus and Number of the Beast - Kyosuke and ABCD
Cafe - Guide and Darksun BBS - and everyone else that has supported us
and our endeavors over the years.

It's been fun... :)
//end twentyeight


//:twentynine
//run :setup2

"you (or whoever) mis-spelled addresses as "adresses" in the lightbar =)"

Here are a list of all the things which popped up between the writings
of the infofiles and kithe articles in the previous mistigris 2  year
anniversary pack which went inaccurately.

"uhh you didn't greet me =) heehee.. you owe me one =)"

LET ME REPHRASE THAT, preferrably in more than one sentence.

This article is a list of all of the cock-ups we made in the last issue of
Kithe, as well as in the infofile for the pack in which it was released.
It also mentions errors made elsewhere in the pack.

Seeing as the pack is at this point three quarters of a year in the past,
this article will be absolutely useless to most of you.  Consider it nothing
more than a public airing of our mistakes to teach us to keep better track on
what's going on.

To start off with, the FILE_ID.DIZ said september on it instead of october.
This is all of our faults for not noticing, but isn't it just such a jinx?
The file_id is probably the very first thing that someone will see in the pack
and to have a mistake on that is just inacceptable.

Regarding the memberlist, Silent Knight got left off the memberlist entirely.
Oops.  Still, he had art in the pack, so 90% of his presence was legitimate.
On the list as well Remohraz (?) had his name misspelt.  I'm sure you can all
see how grevious it must be to have such a simple name not communicated
properly.

Merlyn and Mr. Flibbles were both mentionned in the memberlist as guest
artists but at the last minute both of their submissions were quality
controlled and we were powerless to correct the article.

Many peoples' e-mail addresses were misspelt or just plain not correct
(neophyte's, happyfish's, and the extremist's among them...) but rather than
correct what the old ones SHOULD have been, we can instead only rest secure
in the knowledge that MOST of the ones on our current memberlist are valid.

Kithe itself didn't work for some people at all (a shame because some people
grab our packs just to read Kithe), and certain articles (the pope's recipe)
didn't load on others' computers even when it did work.

This is what The Pope had to say about that, and how Mavrik explained it.

TP> Great. Sort of funny how my article crashed it, though... Would lead one
TP> to the mistaken impression that I don't eat much...
MA>
MA>     Argh. I knew something would fuck up. I didn't bother to view all the
MA> articles to make sure they work, cuz I was kinda in a rush.
MA>
MA>     Oh well I know what the problem is.
MA>
MA>     If you try reading Zinnia Rock's article, it's your article, and
MA> Zinnia Rock's article got left out... (well its there.. kithe12 just can't
MA> recognize it) all because of ONE number that was off.. easily fixable..
MA> unfortunately it's too late.

that was the case for many of these mistakes - we were fully conscious as to
their existance, but merely couldn't do anything about them and still make
an ever-shortening deadline which was still too late.

SO, we made a note of them, this article, a monument to our imcompitude.
(I'm pretty sure that isn't even a word!)  And you know what?  Despite all
that, you all enjoyed the pack!  All that stuff screwed up, and you would have
never known if we didn't tell you!

It's nice to know that the audience is listening 8).

//end twentynine


//:thirtynought
//run :setup2

Spirit Wolf's [Borrowed] Wisdom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations;
    beautiful from minds profound -- if I could remember any of the damn
    things."
         -Dorothy Parker.


         "Let's go!"
         "Yes, Let's go!"
         Stage Direction : They do not move.

    Last lines of "Waiting for Godot"
         -Samuel Beckett


    "Do or Do Not -- There is no try."
        -Yoda


    "Success is simply a matter of luck.
     Ask any failure."
        -Earl Wilson.


    "Do not be too timid and squimish about your actions. All life is an
     experiment."
        -Ralph Waldo Emerson


    "Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the
     ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is
     something that is not there."
        -Eric Hoffer


    "Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
        -Michael Pritchard


    "You have no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself -- and
    how little I deserve it."
        -W.S. Gilbert


    "Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen
    turned into boullion cubes."
        -John LeCarre


    "I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me
    the truth even if it costs them their jobs."
        -Samuel Goldwyn.


    "It matters not if you win or lose, what matters is whethere >I<
    win or lose."
        -Darin Weinberg


    "Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one
    and got hit by a bus."
        -Bob Rubin


    "Even young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the
    concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make
    threatening him with it much more effective."
        -P.J. O'Rourke


    "Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is
    finished : if you're alive, it isn't"
        -Richard Bach


    "Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another."
        -Madonna


    "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian
    because I hate plants."
        -A. Whitney Brown


    "Advice is what we asked when we already know the answer,
    but wish we didn't"
        -Erica Jong


    "Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the
    delight in that recognition."
        -Alexander Smith


    "The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down
    an invitation without giving an excuse."
        -Jules Renard


    "Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature
    has a function"
        -Garrison Keller


    "If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything."
        -Bill Lyon


    "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
        -Rodney Dangerfield


    "Please give me some good advice in your next letter. I promise
    not to follow it."
        -Edna St. Vincent Millay


    "I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best
    advice, and then going and doing the exact opposite."
        -G.K. Chesterton


    "If you want a place in the sun, you must leave the shade of the
    family tree"
        -Osage saying


    "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to
    achieve it through not dying."
        -Woody Allen


    "Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a
    bunch of bastards."
        -R.A. Dickson


    "I once complained to my father that I didn't seem able to be
    able to do things the same way other people did. Dad's advice?
    Margo, don't be a sheep. People hate sheep. They eat sheep."
        -Margo Kaufman


    "The wages of sin are death but by the time taxes are taken out,
    it's just sort of a tired feeling."
        -Paula Poundstone


    "Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for."
        -Eric Warren


    "Death is nature's way of saying, 'Your Table is ready'.."
        -Unknown

    "If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the critism of
    one, go ahead, get married."
        - Katherine Hepburn


    "When the eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber"
        -Sir Winston Churchill

//end thirtynought


//:thirtyone
//run :setup2

From Zinnia Kray:

About a month after I arrived in Japan, I had a dream which was not all a
dream. In this dream, a poem, whose name I originally believed to be "Night",
which I remember studying in grade 12 Literature class, was played out before
my eyes. The meaning was twisted into something about my cats dying, but it
was there nonetheless, very vivid, I could remember very specific incidents in
the narrative.

In the morning, I asked Allan, my host in Kyoto, if he knew who had written
it. I described the scenario, the title, and the fact that I was fairly sure
it had been a romantic poet.  He, an English teacher, had no idea.

A month or so later, I asked Dennis, another English Lit teacher in Japan, the
same question. He had no idea. I described the dog protecting its master's
corpse from cannibals, the whole thing.  By now I remembered the title to be
"Darkness", but I still didn't know who the author was.

I get home from Japan. Ask my dad. He, a second-year Lit teacher, doesn't
know.  We dig up the Norton.

It's "Darkness", by Lord Byron, and the first lines are:  "I had a dream which
was not all a dream."

The next day I relate the story on the phone to an agnostic personage,
displaying my amazement that I could have remembered those details after only
hearing the poem once, and a year previously, and not having thought about it
since.  He breaks my self-induced fantasy by telling me that shortly before I
left, he read the poem to me when I was at his house.

I had (and still have) absolutely no memory of that reading.

And one of my cats came very close to dying from a Urinary Tract Infection
while I was gone.

...

(from agnostic)

my favourite lines:

...The world was void,
The populous and the powerful - was a lump,
Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless -
A lump of death - a chaos of hard clay.

//end thirtyone


//:thirtytwo
//run :setup2

From: Zinnia Kray

        There were six Nazis in the parkinglot of ABC Family Restaurant in
Ladner.  It was easy to tell they were nazis:  the boys were all fat and
bald, with silly Amish-y beards, the girls were coarse and ugly, and there
was a preponderance of green bomber jackets.

        That, and the big Luftwaffe swastika t-shirt on the fattest of the
boys.  They didn't seem to be in "Nazi Mode" -- they were just standing
around chatting it seems, but the sight of them made me almost physically
ill.

        The worst part of it, to me, was my mother's reaction.  I was the
first to notice and point out that there were Nazis in the parking lot.  My
mother was kind of, "shhh! shhh! Don't say things like that!"  even though
she knew it was true.

        And then, when she and my sister and I were sitting in ABC, she
started getting on my case about it, as though it were MY fault that I was so
upset.

        She laid the blame on the fact that I recently quit anti-depressants,
AGAIN, which I think is a sort of cop-out. Her attitude was,

        "Well, gee, Barbara, if you took your medication like you're supposed
to, you wouldn't get all upset at the sight of Nazis.  Why can't you be like
your sister and I? We're ignoring them and pretending they don't exist. After
all, there's nothing we can do about it, so why should we get all worried and
worked up?"

        She is right on one point -- there is nothing I can do about it, and
even if there were, I probably wouldn't do it.  But her aggressive, forced
ignorance disgusted me more than the Nazis themselves. And the idea that I
should take medication so as NOT TO BE UPSET by things is repulsive as well.

        Personally, I think I had every reason to be upset and disgusted.  Her
opinion, that it was the LACK OF DRUG or the PARANOIA or the ILLNESS speaking,
I cannot hold with.

        My mom, like most hypochondriacs, sees everything but the real
sickness.
//end thirtytwo


//:thirtythree
//run :setup2

from: Zinnia Kray
subj: Past Tense Read

While avoiding touristing:

Subcategory:  Gothic Novels

      1. Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley.  I read it on the plane to
        Japan and as a result remember very little of my impression.
        Being a gothic novel, of course, it had way too much over
        moralizing and misery.

      2. Melmoth the Wanderer, by Robert Charles Maturin. Oh, the
        agony of civilized life, ohhh, the AG-ON-Y!!! I am glad the
        gothic form has evolved since the early 1800s. This book was
        almost physically painful to read, although not nearly as
        bad as "Tess of the D'Urbervilles", which took me several
        months to finish on acount of agonies.  Nevertheless, there
        are many juicy plots and quite a bit of tolerable philosophy.

Subcategory: Boring Existentialism

      1. Magister Ludi, by Hermann Hesse.  I liked "Steppenwolf",
        but this one is just pointless 20th century blather about
        the nature of scholarship.  Oh those fun-loving Germans!

Subcategory: Canadian Literature

      1. The English Patient, by Michael Ondaatje.  Eh.

      2. The Shipping News, by E. Annie Proulx.  Wanna read a comedy
      about Newfoundland and a man's "journey of self-discovery" there?
      This book is actually much better than it sounds.

Subcategory: Miscellaneous

      1. Brave New World by Aldoux Huxley.  Much funnier and lighter
      than I was expecting it to be.  An easy, pleasant read.

      2. The Decameron, by Giovanni Boccacio.  I would never think
      in a million years that I'd actually read the whole thing, all
      100 stories, but I did, and I actually enjoyed it, particularily
      the ribald bits.

     3. The Collected Short Stories of Roald Dahl.  Yes, written for
      adults. There are some real classics in here, I highly
      recommend reading it.

//end thirtythree


//:thirtyfour
//run :setup2

ASCII WARZ!^&%@!#^&%$!@#

The problem with this is that all of the posted ASCII I've managed to obtain
over the past 10 months occupies a file 2411 lines in length.  Where's the
problem?  The maximum article length B will display is upwards of 850 lines.

The solution?  Just show you the first 850 lines and save the rest for an
an issue that's REALLY coded!

Washing Machines, 3D coding, butts, elliptical orbits, sleeping positions,
double boilers... the first 850 lines has all of this and MORE!

Unfortunately I'm too lazy to comment them Bob-Sagat-style like I usually
do so you'll just have to make your own interpretation on the humour contained
herein.

        -Cthulu

...

Subj: Re: 3D coding

ET> - rotate all verticies
ET> - draw all faces
ET>
CO> Well, I'm trying to figure out how to draw the faces. :)
ET>
ET> ... interpolate between tha points... and if you want to do it the easiest
ET> way, put the values into a table of scanlines, and use that table to draw out
ET> the polygon.
ET>
ET>
ET> like:
ET>                               (x1,y1)
ET>                              /\
ET>                             /  \
ET>                            /    \
ET>                           /      \
ET>                          /        \
ET>                         /          \
ET>                        /            \
ET>                 (x3,y3)-__           \
ET>                           -__         \
ET>                              -__       \
ET>                                 -__     \
ET>                                    -__   \
ET>                                       -__ \
ET>                                          -_\
ET>                                             (x2,y2)
ET>
ET> take that as a polygon (a quite decent ascii one, if i may say so)

...

CA> grr. how does Scream Tracker 3.x and Impulse Tracker do those nifty
CA> in text mode? (i know it has something to do with using a second
CA> set, but i need more.. ) and how does Impulse Tracker do the mouse
CA>
CA> anyways..
TR>
TR> have u tried making a mouse cursor in text mode?  the coordinates that int
TR> 33h returns are pixel accurate.  That is it treats the screen as if it was
TR> in graphics mode and returns the EXACT point it should be at.  then you
TR> will need at least 4 characters (depending on the size of your cursor) to
TR> emulate a graphic cursor.
TR>   e.g.
TR>
TR>  _______________
TR> |       |       |
TR> |   .   |       |
TR> |   :\. |       |
TR> |   :  \.       |
TR> |   :   |\.     |
TR> |___:___|__\.___|
TR> |   :   |    \  |
TR> |   ----|-----' |
TR> |       |\\     |
TR> |       | \\    |
TR> |       |  \\   |
TR> |_______|_______|
TR>
TR> the grid are the four characters. and the cursor (well it's a little big)
TR> should completely fit into ONE of the characters, and when u move it
TR> around, it may span more than one like in the above example.
TR>
TR> Now you must calculate which characters it will go over, grab the
TR> characters on the screen, calculate a 2x2 grid with the characters on the
TR> bottom and paste the cursor on top  of it then  put the 4 characters on
TR> the screen on top of where it should be.
TR>
TR> that's the basics.
TR>
ET>
ET> .. you set the character definition either thru bios interrupt, or thru
ET> hardware (i use hardware - goes faster)... the mouse is done the same way
ET> as i did in GoldView... you must re-map the characters for the mouse
ET> cursor every time you move it.
ET>
ET> .. what i did is reserve 6 characters for the mouse cursor (that way i can
ET> still have a full size mouse cursor in 80x50 mode)... then i would copy the
ET> characters from the screen to those ones, and map the mouse cursor overtop
ET> of it.
ET>
ET> then you would move the cursor within the 3x3 box until it goes outside of
ET> the middle one, then move the box over... placing the old characters back
ET> to the ones yer not using anymore... sorta like:
ET>
ET>  0________1________2________3
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  1________|________|________|
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |     ,  |        |        |
ET>  |     |\ |        |        |
ET>  |     ; \         |        |
ET>  2____ :  \ _______|________|
ET>  |     ;   \       |        |
ET>  |     |   /       |        |
ET>  |     `-;\        |        |
ET>  |       ` ;       |        |
ET>  |       `-        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  |        |        |        |
ET>  3________|________|________|
ET>
ET>
ET>
ET> if any part of the cursor goes out of the CENTER square, move the square in
ET> the direction of the mouse...  to map the cursor easily onto the
ET> characters, make an AND and an OR mask, each of a LONGINT (32 bits, but all
ET> you need is 24 bits (3x8 pixels)  ) for each scanline.  then when you GET
ET> the characters, make the scanline comprised of the 3 characters into the
ET> LONGINT, and then depending on which pixel the mouse cursor is on, rotate
ET> the bits of the MASK right xx pixels.. in this case, i would move it right
ET> 6 bits, since it starts  on the 6th pixel, and start on that particular
ET> scanline.
ET>
ET> .. twas fun to do this for me.. hope it is for you! (:
ET>
ET> ...at least we're keeping it clean....

...

WE> it has everything to do with it!  it's what i base most of my views on.
WE>
SE> try thinking for yourself sometime..  it's fun! =)
SE>
PV> Brainwashing.. I can see this big washing machine where devote christians
PV> put their children in weeks after they are born and baptized.
PV>
PV> |~~~~~~~~~~~|
PV> |  /~~~~~\  |
PV> |  |weird|  |
PV> |  \_____/  |
PV> |___________|
PV>
PV>     ^
PV>    brainwashing machine
PV>
PV> P.S. If anyone wants a cheap 10 second ascii of a washing machine it'll
PV> cost you $10. :)
PV>
PV> Pv
WE>
WE> argh!  ok!  so i didn't mean it that way, maybe i exagerated.
WE>
WE> oh forget it.
WE>
WE>  .----------.
WE>  |\/\/\/\/\/|   <--- brain mashing machine
WE>  |  p ur  e |
WE>  |vo l tag e|
WE>  |/\/\/\/\/\|
WE>  `----------'
IC>
IC> what has he been brainwashed by?
IC>
IC> or is this the beginning of an inter-galactic ascii war? =)
BE>
BE>
BE> .--(acme washing machine)--.
BE> |                          |
BE> |                          |
BE> |    .-----------------.   |
BE> |    |   t a b n e t   |   |
BE> |    |     l ove s     |   |
BE> |    | gangraping apes |   |
BE> |    `-----------------'   |
BE> `--------------------------'
BE>
PV> Pv likes washing machine fad. Keep em comming! Everyone draw a ascii
PV> washing machine and I promise you will go to heaven. Anyone who doesn't
PV> goes to hell automaticly! :)
PV>
SE>      _____________
SE>    _/_____________\_
SE>   |                 |
SE>   |    _.-----._    |
SE>   |   //       \\   |
SE>   |  ||  (oo)   ||  |  <- Pure Voltage stuck on Spin Cycle
SE>   |   \\  -    //   |
SE>   |     `-----'     |
SE>   `-----------------'
SE>
WD>
WD>      .------------.
WD>      | .--------. |
WD>      | |  o 0   | | <--- washing machine is maaaaaaaaaaaad.
WD>      | | -v--v- | |
WD>      | `--------' |
WD>      `------------'
WD>
WD>      .------------.
WD>      | .--------. |
WD>      | |  o o   | |  <--- washing machine is haaaaappy.
WD>      | | `---'  | |
WD>      | `--------' |
WD>      `------------'
WD>
WD>      .------------.
WD>      | .--------. |
WD>      | |  * *   | |  <--- washing machine doesn't like these sick
WD>      | | --,-,- | |       mutilations of its imaaaage.
WD>      | `---`-'--' |
WD>      `------------'
WD>

...

CO> sunday school is a good demonstration of religion, but doesn't tell
CO> you that much about christianity.
CO>
PV>
PV> ,--------------.
PV> |   ,______.   |
PV> |  |        |  |
PV> |  |        |  |
PV> |   ~~~~~~~~   |
PV> |sunday school |
PV> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PV> <swish, swash, swish, swash,..>
PV>
PV> Pv
PV>

...

SE> No, I don't draw ANSI with TheDraw, ACiDDraw or Pablo.
SE>
WE> uhh, so, what do you use... a washing machine?  =)
CT>
CT>      _____________
CT>    _/_____________\_
CT>   |                 |
CT>   |    _.-----._    |
CT>   |   // ▒▓▒▒▓ \\   |
CT>   |  || ░     ░ ||  |  <- Sentience work-in-progress.
CT>   |   \\   ▒▓▒ //   |
CT>   |     `-----'     |
CT>   `-----------------'
CT>

...

JU> I liked toad because it was basically a farce.  I couldn't even
JU> believe people were ven taking it moderately serious.
JU> But imagine if i had kept toad going?  You'd be in it.  Sarcasm maybe?
JU> Would  have gotten some good artists.  Could have gone somewhere..
JU> Nah..
WE>
WE> maybe...
WE>
WE> i guess, if you were still running it, it would have gotten bigger, eh?
WE> what was that kid's name... Mad Turnip or something?
WE>
WE> i only joined it 'cause i wanted to be in a group and i was too bad at
WE> drawing to get into a better one.  =)
WE>
WE> but then.. i grew a brain.
WE>
WE>
WE> before:   _         after:   o
WE>         --|--              --|--
WE>          / \                / \
WE>

...

ON> throw in something different too.. like maybe a pic, or a lit, if
ON> anything that'd like to show off..
CT>
CT> um..
CT>
CT> I can do that 8)
CT>
ON> Well, pending green flags from ETO, gofer it!..
ET>     _-_  _      _  _-_
ET>   _-░░░--░\    /░--░░▒-_
ET>  -░░░░░▒▒▓░|  |░░░░░▒▓░░-
ET>  \░░░░░__▒_░\/░_░__░▒░▒░/
ET>   \░░_-  - -/\- -  -_▒░/
ET>    \-                -/
ET>     \                /
ET>      \              /
ET>       \            /
ET>        \          /
ET>

IC> to prevent pregnancy perhaps?  it was 98% effective against pregnancy,
IC> not diseases..
IC>
WE> 98-99% **************IIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFF***************************
WE> they're used properly.  iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffffff!!
WE>
WE>
WE>            ,s&$s,            ,s&$²$$&s,
WE>            `"²S²'          ,&$$$$ $$$$$
WE>           `²$$$$&s_        $$$$$$ `"²$$b
WE>             $$$$$$      `²$$$$$$$ss,
WE>             $$$$$$         $$$$$$
WE>             $$$$$$         $$$$$$
WE>            d$$$$$$b       d$$$$$$b
WE>          _&$$$$$$$$&s_ _s&$$$$$$$&s,_
WE>
WE> ugh, that looks awful.
WE>
WE> but you get what i mean, right?  RIGHT!  IF!

...

HB> NOr will I see it anyway.
FU>
FU>     too cool, huh? =)
HB>
HB> me?
HB>
HB> a HAHAHahHA what a stupid question.
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB>
HB> no
FU>
FU>     hahhaha.. loser. loooooossser.
HB>
HB> NO, you're the looozer. lOOOOOSER!
HB>
HB>
HB>                  i-iI~Ii-i
HB>               i'II II II-I
HB>               I II II II I
HB>               I  ------- I   OSER!
HB>               `I         I
HB>                I          °--~~""s
HB>                 `I _____ ___,--~~
HB>
HB> wow, that worked.
HB>
HB> KINDA
HB>
FU>
FU>     oh yeah?! OH YEAH!?
FU>           __
FU>          |  |
FU>      _ /\|  |__
FU>     | |  |  |  |/\
FU>     | |  |  |  |  |
FU>     |            /
FU>      \_         |
FU>        \_     _/'
FU>          |   |
FU>
FU>     ick. yes that is supposed to be a middle finger. ack.
HB>
HB> Looks like you didn't do a very good job at slicing your Pinkie, Ring, and
HB> index fingers off.
HB>
HB> Where's the blood?

...

HF> Yuck, ascii has such an ugly infinity sign.
CT>
CT> I thought it was a peanut
WD>
WD> looks like a pig nose.
WD>
WD>  ' . . `
WD>     ∞
WD>
WD> oink oink.

...

WE> ok the name of the person is Lizard Mon.  remember that.
WE> er, heh, i'm not sure.  actually i forgot.  i still have to contact
WE> him back and stuff.  hold on to your butts.  =)
TH>
TH>           o
TH>      B>---|\  <---Th holding onto his butt
TH>          / \
WE>
WE> hehehe, well i said butts.  so make it:
WE>
WE>              o
WE>        BB>---|\
WE>             / \
WE>
WE> wait a minute, that's four.  whoa, four butts.  imagine that.
TH>
TH>     uhh..  oh.. hmmm  now _that_ would be interesting...  =]     phew..
TH>     gives me cold shivers just thinking about it..
TH>
WE>     hrrmmm  what are those butts doing.. ?     but what if i only have
WE>     one butt...  where can i get another ?
WE>
WE>                                     /^\
WE>              o                    /_____\
WE>         b>---|---< ?              |     |   <---"Bob's Butt Store"
WE>             / \                   | |T| |
WE>

...

BA> and you would have seen me in an semi s&m gear as well.  chain belt around
BA> my waist, very very little black dress, black/violet lipstick and
BA> eyemakeup, and crimson red fishnets.  that was fuuuun.  hehehehe...
TP>
TP> =).. <- spittle...
TP>

...

ON> he loses his grip momentarily, and shards of metal fly off him, but
ON> going..
ON>
ON> anyway, the thing shoots up at tanish, hitting for 20.
ON>
ME>
ME> Tanish takes the hit and ready's himself behind the Casket. I run up behind
ME> the casket and get a good grip! I tell tanish> "O.k... on three.. 1....2..
ME> .. 3!" Tanish heaves the casket over the edge with me holding on tight,
ME> following it's decsent towards the Mech! As soon as the casket removes the
ME> mech from the wall I release my grip on the casket and grab on to the mech
ME> and start FLYing outwards, pushing the mech away from the building with all
ME> my strength in order to fall past the lower roof top! When we begin our
ME> final descent to the ground I'll manoover myself on top of him and fly at
ME> full speed to push us faster towards the ground!
ME>
ME> If I notice we're not going to make it I'll cast FORCE at point blank
ME> range in hopes to push and the mech further away from the building!
ME>
ME>   ]    $=MYRA       #= CASKET   @= MECH
ME>   ]    &=TANISH     *= ME
ME>   ]
ME>   ]
ME>   -
ME>      <----WINDOW
ME> $ &
ME> -!- #
ME>   ] .
ME>   ] .
ME>   ] .
ME>   ]   .
ME>   ] *@  .
ME>   ] .    .       ** I'll keep pushing outwards if I see more buildings **
ME>   ] #     *@ .
ME>   ] .         .
ME>   ]CRASH!     *@.
ME>   ]_____         .       !
ME>         ]         .       !
ME>         ]         *@     L
ME>         ]                 B
ME>         ]          .      I
ME>         ]                 T
ME>         ]          .      U
ME>         ]                  R
ME>         ]          .       T
ME>         ]                  S
ME>         ]          .      I
ME>         ]                 D
ME>         ]          .      N
ME>         ]                I
ME>         ]          .
ME>         ]
ME>         ]          .    M
ME>         ]              A
ME>         ]          . I
ME>         ]          *
ME>         ]          @
ME>         ]             .
ME>         ]          .      .
ME>         ]       .
ME>         ]       .  .   .
ME>         ]        . . .
ME>         ]      .   .    .
ME>         ]    . . Splat!  . .    *
ME>         --------------------------------------

//end thirtyfour


//:thirtyfive
//run :setup2

NEW NEWS!

New relative to what?  Well, to the last release of Kithe.
Um... back last October 8)

Bear with us as this is going to be a chronological account of every member-
related happening since October 1996, spiced up from time to time with captured
accounts of things as they actually happened.

...

Anonymous changes his handle back to Candide, and then to "Slut".  Then
quits.  Not just mist, not just the scene, but the global community of
computer users entirely.  Of course, he's back now.

from: Candide
subj: bye.
Origin : 07 Jan 97  20:26:52

"ugh.
i've decided to self-destruct.

the realization that i've been lead around by the nose by this machine
and the related information-fetish has been a slow one, but the decision
to cut it from my life is rather sudden don't you think?

it's rather ironic that i'm writing my swan-song using the very machine
i need to get away from.

my apologies to rowan, as this will mean that i'm dropping out of
mistigris (though, i was never too active. :-) ) (hey, i saw an emag
that used the "fire" text effect. hah) and that i won't be finishing
kithe. whatever source i had has been deleted.

                                                 I am, Travis"

Bandicoot has his handle changed to 'Plastic'.
It actually sticks for a while.

Zinnia Rock has changed her suffix to Chicken, Ya, and most recently, Kray.

Beatle's changed his handle to "Astarte".
Incidentally, that also becomes the new name of his and Flying Fish's band,
formerly known as Casa del Sol.

Admiral Skuttlebutt RETURNS triumphant, with a new handle - 'Melodia' - and
a mastery now of MORE than 4-channel music.  Truly this is an occasion to
celebrate.  We had just about used up our stockpiled reserves of old Skutt
music 8)

Fetus69 joins in the high resolution department.

Iseilice from Cancer joins the ANSI department at The Extremist's urging, but
we never ever ever see or hear anything from him.

Hippy and Silver Wolf join Mistigris through their writing talents, joining
most of the other regular posters from DoDEL.

Questor returns, drawing ansi for his own experimenal reasons.  (For examples
of this, check out his work in the Fistful of Steel tour pack.  Photorealistic
ansis of models.)

Grateful Dead returns for about a week, as does another true oldschooler -
Singlemind (formerly known as Nosferatu / Black Rose) who's been with us since
the Poison days, the NWA fiasco and even presided in iMPERiAL for a few months.
He joined us for about a week, then disappeared, sinking into the muck of his
own personal hell (which is his shared apartment with Lord Extec and Liquid
Jesus, both also former Mist members.)

Alannon returns, draws one or two logos, then disappears again.  This is a
recurring trend in Mistigris because we very rarely ever actually kick people
out, so from time to time a shadowy character from our past will pop up,
surprise the heck out of us, give us some really oldschool art, and then will
be gone before we can do something silly like list them on an infofile or in
an issue of Kithe.  Of course, given our pace, it's not too hard to outrun us
in that respect.  13 issues in three years?

Along with the recurring appearing/disappearing folks, Journey came back, and
left again.

As did D'Artagnan, but he left the following account of his past absence for
us to all drool over.

CT> For curiosity's (and information's) sake, what were you doing at EA?
CT>
DA> I was in the Quality Assurnace Department, in other words, I 'play-tested'
DA> for a while and may eventually go back to it... Maybe.

woop!

The Guardian and Firestorm leave Mistigris forever for the allures of the
warez scene that spawned them.  Ours was a tenuous relationship at best, but
they were part of a department (hi-rez) which was at the time nearly empty
with the exception of Thanatos, who of course made up for it.  Here is their
farewell letter:

"well alot has happened and the few pics we did for you were probably the
only ones that we are going to do as artists.... we have moved on to the
warez sceen and are in some util groups.... if there is anything we can do
for MiST just drop me a line here and we can work something out.... if you
are on irc drop into cracking and look me up.
thanx for the oppertunity and we will ttyl"

Wishbringer actually submits work!  This is unparalleled until again in the
Fire tour pack and as of press time it seems that he may very well begin
contrbuting regularly to Mistigris packs.  (Well, if anything about mist's
release schedule, or mist itself, can be called regular.)

Intrepid leaves the whole scene in a huff -  no one noticed he was gone.
That was bad.

Colour draws a small 25-liner logo for DoDEL and packed for a pending trip to
Africa.  By press time he has actually been back for several months, having
enjoyed the trip immensely.  He reports that the biggest difference between
here and there (besides the giant insects and lack of toilet paper) is
"the noise".

Critical Illusion contacts us again and once again Savage Exile is back as
our "underground HQ".  This time around it's less productive as so far we
haven't gotten any members at all, contrasting to our acquisition of Tribe,
Xeryrus, Myth and Wator the first time around.

It was New Years' by this point - January 1st.  The birthday of The Pope and
by now we'd just managed our first tour release with Blade.

Apparently Kolz joined shortly after that.  (Have you noticed?  No, neither
had I...) but this is what The Extremist told us regarding this...

"ehh

I was bugging my friend kolz to get in a group for some time, but he wasn't
sure..  Then Sylphid hopped in #knife, our usual oldwarez-alloverfreak
channel,

and we were talking some business, like giving Matt the Tsawwassen Knife HQ :)
and Sylphid told Kolz that mist is accepting people, and Kolz asked me if he
could get in, so I told him yes.  So he did.  The only sad thing is that Fluor
snatched him in AWE the day after.

BUT he didn't quit mist.  He'll draw ansi for AWE, and he'll draw VGA for us.
He's quite good at doing fonts..  Thanatos, if you want him to do some fonts
for your pics, tell me, I'll pass the message. :)

He should poll kitsch from me as soon as his board goes up.

Oh, one last thing.. He's a fontist, don't expect him to draw pics of any kind
for now.

-L'Extrémistigris!@"

Just one more way of illustrating how we toe the "ACiD Syndrome" - getting
lots of members who never do anything.  This is doubly dangerous because we
very rarely if ever revise the memberlist and never kick anyone out...
fortunately we have bad memories and if a person doesn't throw their weight
around they tend to get left aside and doomed to obscurity.

Iori Yagami quits about this point.  He professes to us Cereal Killer to
fill the gap that he leaves behind.  Ironically enough, Iori's best work is
released in the Fire and Dark tour packs, months after he quits, and Cereal
Killer's work isn't released until this very pack.

Here is the letter he sent me:

"sorry to say this but, this is the last month i'm gonna be in mist.  I just
can't feel like i'm right at home w/ mist.  dunno why.  I keep on quitting,
and joining back again.  I'm quitting for good.  Well, I don't know what else
to say.  Sorry about this."

Needless to say, that certainly answered some questions.

Plastic changes handle to Plaztik, then to PZK, then back to Plaztik, then
quits, then rejoins.  This is quite typical of his scene interactions.

Polarity succeeds in killing AIR but not in actually making a release, and it
is as such that ASCII-masters Dead Soul and Genocide are found to be groupless.
Needless to say, we quickly remedy that situation.

Happyfish joins us at last but it takes us a long time to find a group which
will release any of her work at all.  That explains her somewhat large
presence in this pack here.  She will do lots of stuff, culminating in her
running the WHQ, but outside of that she'll release ANSI in Mistigris.

Zinnia Kray goes on a long trip to Japan which is cut somewhat short.

Spawn joins Mist's ASCII department, then changes his handle to Crystal Meth.
Shortly after that, Muton joins the ascii department.  Muton proceeds to
dominate Mist's ascii department while Crystal Meth goes on to attempt
tracking.

The Laughing Fool joins our lit department at last once he finds our web page
while surfing on the net.

Lord Maximoff rejoins our ANSI department officially (though we'd never be able
to tell the difference) after we manage to get art advertising his board to be
released in the Fire tour pack.

Following the devistating death of Teklordz (a group with which Mistigris had
enjoyed cordial diplomatic relations for quite some time) Kyo joins up doing
pretty much everything, especially high resolution and RIPscrip art.

Padding up our high resolution department, compensating for the loss of The
Guardian and Firestorm come gNOMe and Lord of Darkness, his pupil, in our
vga department.

After complaining his groupless state in a blender, we invite in Neosmurf, who
joins.  We never hear from him again 8).  Maybe this is why he was left
groupless.  Hmm....

Raven, after an excruciating wait, gets accepted into Mist's Literature
division based on the strength of his stories.

jIVE (better known as Fury from, believe it or not, Krap) applies and joins
in our ascii department.

Menace joins in ANSI.  This doesn't last for too long, because shortly after
he quits both Mist and the scene entirely amidst rumours of joining AWE and
compromising his own artistic style in order to attain that.  Apparently he'll
be back under a new handle.

Scratch that, he rejoins under the same handle.  NO ONE complains 8).

Catch22 from Twisted joins up with our ANSI department, and Feral-K, formerly
of the supreme 604 ASCII group AIR joins at last.  The 604 ASCII artists are
at last all unified in Mistigris, comprising old and newschool ascii.

Genocide changes his handle to Zealous.

Ts, most recently senior staff of the deceased Teklordz, joins Mistigris
briefly, but decides that he really can't juggle being both in the art and
demoscenes.  He leaves us with a short commitment that he may make some guest
appearances in the unspecified future.

Jughead changes his handle to Tincat.  fitting, no?

Sadistic Intent, Spinn, and Aspyre of Air (not the 604 one, the one that
tried to merge with RCA, but died - RCA died itself shortly therafter.) all
join in ANSI and ASCII.  Aspyre changes his handle to Gravity.

Kyo quits over a flurry of bickering regarding IRC etiquette.

Big Brother officially quits, once he realizes that he's still a member 8).
He hasn't particiapted in Mist affairs since the last issue of Kithe, and
that was a LONG time ago.  Here's what he'll be doing instead, and I can tell
you that if I didn't have so much riding on this,  I'd follow in his footsteps
in an instant.

Date: 29 Jun 1997 23:04:42 EST
From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: helloo?

Wow. It *has* been a long time, hasn't it?

I guess I owe you an explanation.

Well, I haven't been writing as much as I once did. This is partly
because I've been doing a helluva lot more *reading* lately: The
Autobiography of Malcolm X, *Live From Death Row* by Mumia Abu-Jamal,
the works of Abbie Hoffman, Jerry Rubin, and other revolutionaries.

I guess at some point I mentally broke from Mistigris. It isn't really
a conscious decision I made, but the fact is that now I'm just too busy
with the rest of my life to write much poetry or other lits.

When I joined up with Mist, I had a lot of free time on my hands. As I
recall, it was last summer. And I saw what this scene was about, and it
was cool to me. It gave me a little something to belong to, I guess, and
I was glad to see my work going out to other people.

But now, I have bigger causes to fight for: ending labor
exploitation in SE Asia and Indonesia by Vietnam. Educating people about
the guerrilla war being waged against the corrupt Mexican government.
Fighting against imperialism right here in the USA.

At one point, I liked the cosmopolitan feeling I got when I said I was
part of a "group based in Canada." Now, I find greater resonance in the
time-tested potency of "All Power to the People."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've grown out of Mist. I truly
do appreciate the opportunity you gave me by allowing my work to be
published as well as the simple connection made. Internet friendships
are less often found than enemies nowadays, and civil voices are an
oasis in the desert of chat, Usenet and email.

I thank you for being there, and I hope that Mist will flourish for
years to come. Email me whenever you like and I'll try to help however I
can.

--Dan

[P.S.: You can publish this, if you like... :)]

(surprise surprise) Plastic changes his handle to FrgnFruz.  This may be
because he's grown out of the old one or merely to shake some of the nasty
rumours which persistantly plagued one "Plastic."

Beatle changes his handle from whatever it was inbetween Astarte and the
present to Otnö°Ishphö°, so far as we can tell some bastardiazarion of the
pig latin of "Not Fish".  He's horning in on my territory, man.  He's even
stolen my slogan and printed it on his business card!  Oh, but I'll get my
revenge... just as soon as he finished customizing TJM to our specs.

Aristote of the 418 area code, formerly someone hanging out in #knife, joins
our ANSI department.  His first mission: track down Diamond Traveller.

Mordecai of RCA joins after it dies, contributing to our VGA department, as
well as Lady Blue, the lit champion.

Blender-champion Skrubly joins mist after Rile dies.  With him on side, we
will be UNBEATABLE for the next team Blender.

Esquire surrenders his position as music coordinator.

Grinchz applies and gains entry unconditionally simultaneously into our high-
resolution and music divisions.

...

And that's that.  Everything that happened to our group in the 10 months since
the last release of Kithe, and, I may note, the last release of a Mistigris
pack by itself.  We'd like to think that the breathing room that the tour
granted to us allowed us to gel a core - a fixed set of members who mean a lot
to Mistigris and to whom Mistigris means a lot, including Happyfish, Neophyte
and Tincat.

One thing that the tour has allowed us to do very well is Blend.  Forgoing
all thoughts of consistant monthly releases instead between Blenders 15 and
30 we managed to creep up and surpass everyone who stood in our way, thanks
to trailblazers like Mavrik and Neophyte and following through with our
groundbreaking team blender entries and consistant showings from myself and
Tincat as well as consistant WINNINGS by Handiboy.  One can only wonder what
might have happened had we discovered the Blender competitions two months
earlier - how soon our dominance might have been apparent.

...

One other thing that we thought the tour would allow us to do is promote our
own group in the presence of other, more popular groups.  Strangely enough,
when we looked at the art which the host groups had declared quality
controlled, more often than not the offending piece was a mist promo.  Now,
we're not dedicating all of our shoddiest art to that group which we all love,
so there is something a bit fishy about that selective QCing.  However, it did
give us an opportunity to stuff this pack with Mistigris promos, as well as
logocollies which were QC'd due to their fontists' seniority, rather than any
inferiority in our own logos, and promos for The Jade Monkey, reasonably enough
now as it's a relatively new board that could really use the publicity.

What else is there to say?

Ah, I've forgotten, but rest assured that once I remember, it'll end up in a
Kithe article in the next issue.

//end thirtyfive

//:thirtysix
//run :setup2

Skrubly's Blender Entries 28-33

I didn't include 27 cause it wasn't that great.

A note about entry for #30: this appeared in the blender pack as savior.ans,
which was a story I did for Rile for the compo. They stuck a very cool ansi
on top of it and it won! But since I didn't do the ansi I only feel good
about releasing the text of it. It's a nice story even without the ansi and
worth a read.

A note about Rile: Is it dead? I don't know. But nobody told me about it
anyways. So if it turns out to be alive you might see this stuff released
with them, too. But since I don't know what's up with them right now at all
I'll release it with mistigris just so people have an opportunity to read
it.

I'd also like to thank hennifer and warpus for running blender, because I
think it's a lot of fun and has actually got me writing again. Other people
that have helped me have been the guys at RAD who have a really twisted
sense of humor at times, and the guys at Scenelink who are working really
hard to benefit the artscene.

Skrubly
//end thirtysix

//:credits
//run :setup2
        Hey, this is happyfish. I'm putting together kithe at the last
        minute 'cause no one else will. Since I can't actually code my
        way out of a paper bag, I'm using Eerie's scripting language,
        browser, to do it. No music, lots of data files, but hey, if you
        don't like it, HAHAHA, TOO BAD, I'M ALL WE'VE GOT.

        Ahem.

        I hear Questor is making a better scripting language wuth music,
        demo effects, and only one data file, so hey, this may well be the
        last time a mist pack is delaying because no one would code kithe.

        Have a nice day, folks.

        Oh yeah, and:
        "b.exe" & "bdir.exe" (c)1995, 1996, david turgeon & pyroxyde
         industries.  all rights reserved.
        "av.exe" is copyright ACiD productions.

        cheap plug: call the jade monkey, the mistigris WHQ, at:
                    [phone].

//end credits

//:ansione
//exec '&&(ansi1) k#13-1.dat &&(ansi2)'
//if &&(ansip), //readkey
//run :setup
//end ansione


//:ansitwo
//exec '&&(ansi1) k#13-2.dat &&(ansi2)'
//if &&(ansip), //readkey
//run :setup
//end ansitwo


//:ansithree
//exec '&&(ansi1) k#13-3.dat &&(ansi2)'
//if &&(ansip), //readkey
//run :setup
//end ansithree


//:ansifour
//exec '&&(ansi1) k#13-4.dat &&(ansi2)'
//if &&(ansip), //readkey
//run :setup
//end ansifour


//:ansifive
//exec '&&(ansi1) k#13-5.dat &&(ansi2)'
//if &&(ansip), //readkey
//run :setup
//end ansifive


//:ansisix
//exec '&&(ansi1) k#13-6.dat &&(ansi2)'
//if &&(ansip), //readkey
//run :setup
//end ansisix



//noprint on