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VALLEY.DOC
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Text File
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1987-11-27
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5KB
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85 lines
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ Documentation for "Valley Girl Speaks" Program │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
Since no one was considerate enough to include the documentation
with this program on the BS-BBS where I downloaded it, I'll be
Mr. Niceguy and help all you worthless software pigs understand
how to make this program work so your life will, once again, have
some value and meaning. We'll talk about money and sex later!
The program will run from the "local" mode by simply typing the
filename "VALSPEAK". The DOS cursor will go away and make you
think your cheapo IBM clone has locked-up again like it usually
does when you try to run anything more complicated than a "DIR"
command, but take heart, it's just the Valley Girl taking over to
help you better understand the English language! Simply type a
line of text and hit <Enter> to see what you really should have
said. You can return to the DOS prompt by pressing Ctrl-C.
You can redirect the output of the DOS "type" command (providing
of course your Kmart calculator has that function) to a text file
by typing "TYPE filename.txt|VALSPEAK>output.txt". In this case
the "filename.txt" is any non-document text file that exists in
the same directory with the VALSPEAK program and "output.txt" is
the text file that you want the converted output to be named. To
pipe and redirect the output to your el-cheapo printer, just
substitute "LPT1" or "PRN" for the output filename. You can
probably handle that, huh? Good doggie, good doggie!
One final note on working this file: NEVER, I repeat, NEVER run
this program on an executable file like LOTUS.COM or GW-BASIC!!
To do so will void your warranty, the space between your anus and
scrotum and your lower intestine. So go ahead, Bozo, you'll like
the smell!!
O.K. now here's the pitch for the money: I want at least $50 for
writing this document so I can go down to State St. in downtown
Chicago and get laid. Leave E-Mail (public) to anyone on the
Lakes Region BBS (312) 872-8086. I'll know what you're talking
about & I'll tell you where to drop the money.
THE FOLLOWING WAS THE ABOVE TEXT CONVERTED WITH "VALSPEAK":
┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ Documentation for "Valley Girl Speaks" Program │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
Since no one was ya know, like, considerate enough to include thuh
documentation with this program on thuh BS-BBS where I downloaded it,
mostly, I'll be Mr. Niceguy and help all you worthless software pigs
understand how to make this program work so your life will, like, once
again, like, wow, have some value and meanin'. We'll talk about money
and sex later! Oh, wow!
The program will run from thuh "local" mode by simply typin' the filename
"VALSPEAK". The DOS cursor will go away and make you think your cheapo IBM
clone has locked-up again like it usually does when you try to run anythin'
more complicated than a "DIR" command, mostly, but take heart, mostly, it's
just thuh Valley Girl takin' over to help you better understand thuh English
language! Gag me with a pitchfork! Simply type a line of text and hit
<Enter> to see what you totally should have said. You can return to thuh
DOS prompt by pressin' Ctrl-C.
You can redirect thuh output of thuh DOS "type" command (providin'of course
your Kmart calculator has that function) to a text file by typin' "TYPE
filename.txt|VALSPEAK>output.txt". In this case the "filename.txt" is any
non-document text file that exists in the same directory with thuh VALSPEAK
program and "output.txt" is the text file that you want thuh converted output
to be named. To pipe and redirect thuh output to your el-cheapo printer, like,
handle that, fer shure, huh? Good doggie, like, wow, good doggie! Oh, wow!
just substitute "LPT1" or "PRN" for thuh output filename. You can probably
handle that, fer shure, huh? Good doggie, like, wow, good doggie! Oh, wow!
One final note on workin' this file: NEVER, mostly, I repeat, man, NEVER run
this program on an executable file like LOTUS.COM or GW-BASIC! Gag me with a
pitchfork!! Gag me with a SPOOOOON! To do so will void your warranty, man,
the space between your anus and scrotum and your lower intestine. So go ahead,
man, Bozo, mostly, you'll like the smell! Gag me with a pitchfork!!
O.K. now here's thuh pitch for thuh money: I want at least $50 for writin'
this document so I can go down to State St. in downtown Chicago and get laid.
Leave E-Mail (public) to anyone on the Lakes Region BBS (312) 872-8086. I'll
know what you're talkin'about & I'll tell you where to drop thuh money.