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TOMMYS.DOC
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Text File
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1989-07-11
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5KB
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89 lines
DEAR EARTHLINGS,
HELLO! THIS IS TOMMY. I AM AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE. I DESIGN NEAT LOW-
PRICED TOYS AND GAMES FOR IBM PCS AND COMPATIBLES THAT BRISTLE WITH HYPER-
INTELLIGENCE AND SELL THEM AT ASTOUNDINGLY LOW PRICES TO NICE EARTHLINGS LIKE
YOU TO PAY FOR MY REESE'S PIECES (AMONG OTHER THINGS). I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY
TOYS.
THE TOY(S) ON THIS DISK ARE BEING DISTRIBUTED BY AN AUTHORIZED SHAREWARE
DEALER IN THE HOPES THEY WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO SEND A TOKEN $2 FOR MY NEAT
DEMO DISK CONTAINING, AMONG OTHER GOODIES (REALLY IT IS A LOT OF VALUE), AN
ELECTRONIC CATALOG OF THE SCORES OF OTHER TOYS I HAVE FOR SALE, CURRENTLY
WELL OVER A HUNDRED, INCLUDING SUCH GOODIES AS TOMMY'S TREK, TOMMY'S WHEEL OF
MISFORTUNE, TOMMY'S TRIVIA, TOMMY'S CROSSWORDS, TOMMY'S GIN RUMMY (ACTUALLY,
GOBS OF CARD GAMES), TOMMY'S BACKGAMMON, TOMMY'S DOMINOES, TOMMY'S DICE, AND
DOZENS OF NEAT OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD ARCADE STYLE GAMES.
THESE SHAREWARE VERSIONS ARE IDENTICAL WITH THE PRODUCTS WE SELL DIRECTLY,
THAT IS, THEY ARE NOT CRIPPLED JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING THEM FOR FREE
(TRUE, WE UPDATE THEM CONSTANTLY SO YOU MIGHT GET A NEWER VERSION BY WRITING
DIRECT TO US).
THE BIG SURPRISE IS, DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT SENDING IN YOUR REGISTRATION
FEES, THEY DON'T HAVE ANY! RATHER, THEY ARE "FREE SAMPLES" (THOUGH WE RETAIN
THE COPYRIGHTS) SO YOU CAN TASTE A LITTLE OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING. YOU
SEE, I AUTHORIZE ONLY A FRACTION OF MY TOYS FOR SHAREWARE DISTRIBUTION, AND
ONLY UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS, BECAUSE, TO BE FRANK, I'M TRYING TO GET YOU
*ADDICTED* TO MY TRADEMARK BRAND OF CEREBRAL SILLINESS! THEN I AM BANKING
THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU WILL BREAK DOWN AND BEGIN ORDERING FROM THE LONG
LIST OF OTHERS WHICH YOU CAN ONLY GET DIRECT FROM ME! (ACTUALLY US, WE HAVE
A LITTLE BAND OF ALIENS ON YOUR PLANET RIGHT NOW -- JUST A FRIENDLY LITTLE
BAND OF GALACTIC TOYMAKERS, NO INVASION INTENDED).
AND NO, WE DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR LID ON THE EARTH MARKET BY CHARGING
EXORBITANT PRICES, OUR TOYS ARE ONLY $3 TO $6 EACH POSTPAID IN U.S.A., AND
THEY ARE NOT COPY PROTECTED, SO EVEN IF WE DID RAISE PRICES THE ROBIN HOODS
OUT THERE WOULD BEGIN PIRATING THEM AT CUT-RATE PRICES AND SAVE YOU FROM
SELLING YOUR PLANET OFF TO ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE LIKE YOUR FOREBEARS DID
(HA HA -- JUST KIDDING TO SEE IF YOU ARE AWAKE).
YOU MIGHT WONDER HOW WE CAN GIVE AWAY REGISTRATION-FREE SAMPLES AND STAY IN
BUSINESS, OR HOW WE CAN CHARGE SO LITTLE FOR OUR HOT SOFTWARE IN THE PRESENT
DAY EARTHLING COMMERCIAL ARENA, OR WHY WE DON'T HAVE A $15-$20 SHAREWARE
REGISTRATION FEE.
WELL, SIMPLE MY DEAR EARTHLING. 1. WHO PAYS FOR A MOVIE ON THE WAY OUT?
2. WHO CAN SELL RECORDS IF THEY DON'T GET THEM PLAYED FOR FREE ON THE RADIO?
3. WHO WANTS TO PAY A BUNCH OF MIDDLEMEN AND ADVERTISERS WHEN THAT DOESN'T
HELP YOU DIRECTLY TO HAVE FUN? ENJOY THE TOMMY'S TOY(S) ON THIS DISKETTE WITH
MY COMPLIMENTS -- I FIGURE THAT IT DOES MORE GOOD ON YOUR PC THAN GATHERING
DUST ON MY SPACE SHIP ... AND WHEN YOU ARE DOWN IN THE DUMPS AND WANT SOME
MORE FUN YOU WILL KNOW WHERE YOU CAN GET IT, CHEAP, VIA AIR MAIL.
IN SUMMARY, EARTHLINGS, THIS IS NOTHING LESS THAN A BOLD NEW ALIEN METHOD OF
MARKETING (OF COURSE WE ALIENS INVENTED THE IDEA OF SHAREWARE AND IMPLANTED
IT IN YOUR MINDS TO START WITH, MAKING YOU THINK IT WAS YOUR OWN IDEA) AND,
AFTER IT WORKS AS WE ALIENS HAVE PLANNED (SO THAT EVERY PC IN THE WORLD IS
CRAWLING WITH FUN TOYS) YOU THE EARTHLING CONSUMERS WILL REAP THE BENEFITS --
AND WE ALIENS HAVE PULLED OFF YET ANOTHER COMPUTERIZED TAKEOVER OF A LIVE
PLANET (HA HA, JUST KIDDING, WE'RE NOT TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR PLANET, JUST
MAKE EARTHLINGS HAPPY).
AS AN ALIEN TOYMAKER WITH A LONG GALACTIC TRADITION TO UPHOLD, BELIEVE ME, I
REALLY LIKE GETTING ORDERS AND LETTERS FROM NICE EARTHLINGS, SO TRY WRITING
TO ME AND SEE IF IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. THIS IS A LOT CHEAPER THAN
A JAUNT TO DEVIL'S TOWER NATIONAL MONUMENT IN SEARCH OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, NOW
ISN'T IT?
NOW PLEASE SEND FOR YOUR DEMO DISK AND JOIN THE GROWING NUMBERS OF EARTHLINGS
WHO APPRECIATE GOOD EXTRATERRESTRIAL ENGINEERING AT DOWN TO EARTH PRICES --
BEFORE WE GET FRUSTRATED AND BLOW THIS PLANET FOR ANOTHER GALAXY (HA HA HO
HO). (JUST KIDDING, WE LIKE YOUR SILLY PLANET EVEN IF YOU STILL THINK OF
PCS AS INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS <YUK> MACHINES.)
YOUR FRIEND,
TOMMY
TOMMY'S TOYS, BOX 11261, DENVER, CO 80211 USA
"SEND ME AN ALIEN -- RIGHT NOW!"
NOTE:
PLEASE SPECIFY 5.25 INCH OR 3.5 INCH DISKETTE. OUTSIDE U.S. PLEASE ADD $1.
U.S. FUNDS ONLY OR CHECK DRAWN ON U.S. BANK.
(C) 1989 BY TOMMY'S TOYS.