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Text File | 1991-07-30 | 17KB | 389 lines

█ █▐███ ██ ██ █████ ██▐████ █████ ██▐███ █▐███ ██▐███ █▌████ █ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ █ ██ ██ ██ ██▐████ ██ ██ ██▐████ ██▐███ ██ ██ ██▐█ ██ █ ██ ▀██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ █ █▐███ █▐███ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██ ██▐███ █▐███ ██ ██ Software for your Iguana - PRESENTS - MEGACOUNT version 3.1 (c) Copyright 1990,1991 IguanaSoft ----------------------- Warranty and Disclaimer ----------------------- The authors make no warranties, expressed or implied, as to the quality or performance of this program. The author will not be held liable for any direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from the use of this program. Your use of this program constitutes your agreement to this disclaimer and your release of the author from any form of liability or litigation. Besides, lawsuits are for weenies. ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ SECTION ONE: Introduction to MegaCount │ └─────────────────────────────────────────┘ At the dawn of time...well, not exactly the dawn. It was more like late morning, but that's not really important. During the late morning of time, a Roman legionary by the name of Clavius was given an important task. He was put in charge of 10,000 men, three horses and a freshly painted chariot. The chariot was light blue with lovely green pinstripes. With this small but potent task force, he was to lie in ambush for the approaching enemy in order to defend a nearby town, important for its strategic position. "Clavius," instructed his Centurion, "hide your men and horses in this grove of trees. When you hear the enemy approaching, count to yourself and then order the ambush." "But Centurion," protested Clavius, "What number should I count to?" "It doesn't matter." snapped the Centurion, who had more pressing matters to attend to, "pick something nice and round." So Clavius waited in ambush, listening for the sounds of the enemy's approach. Soon, he heard the sounds of their heavy boots marching over the hill. Nervously, he tried to remember his instructions. "Count.." he thought, "count to something round." Unfortunately for Clavius, and eventually for Rome, his number of choice was 1 million. Worse yet, he counted in Roman Numerals. The enemy passed by unchecked, and Clavius was often distracted by the sounds of their horses riding past. He had to start over several times. Many of Clavius's men died of boredom, and the three horses soon evolved to a higher level of intelligence, whereupon they decided to head for warmer weather and start up a car rental agency. As for Rome, the great Empire collapsed into ruin as the barbarian hordes sacked it mercilessly. One can only wonder how Rome might have prospered had Clavius been in posession of a personal computer and a copy of IguanaSoft's MegaCount. *** The cruel, hot sun pounded down upon the three starving men, and their portly pet pig, Pete. They had been shipwrecked for three weeks with little to eat or drink, save some trail mix, and with Pete eating more than his fair share, their food supplies soon dwindled. "Well," said one of the men quite suddenly as he produced a large carving knife, "time to partition our portly pet pig, Pete." The other two men pretended to look shocked that the first should suggest the murder of their pet pig, but the drool forming at the corners of their mouths gave their true feelings away. An eerie silence came over the group, and the only sounds to be heard were the waves lapping against the side of their makeshift raft. "Wait!" squealed Pete as the hunger-crazed men encircled him, revealing his before unmentioned talent of human speech, "Grant me at least a final request." His three companions, partly filled with compassion for their pet, and partly dumbfounded by his ability to speak English, found it hard to come up with much more than a simple response. "Ok." "Count to a million, and then you can eat me." said Pete. Again, the strangeness of the situation, compounded with the odd request, confused the hungry trio. "Ok." Four days later, the three men lay unconcious on the raft, victims of heat exhaustion and starvation. The raft, driven by the prevailing currents, washed up upon the clean and inviting beaches of Alvonia, the mythical lost island of six-foot blonde love maidens. Pete plopped over the port and gave a firm push on the raft, sending it back into the ocean. He then waddled off into the sunset to gorge himelf on the island fruits and investigate the validity to these myths about the love maidens. *** Counting has always been a relatively simple task. It usually doesn't require any expensive props or complex mathematical formulas. As little children, one of the first things we were taught was to count from one to ten. We counted everything we could get our fingers on: the number of flowers in the garden, the number of ducks in the pond, the number of hours that daddy was late on important "business meetings." (Mommy helped us with that one) As we got older, we began to count larger and larger numbers. Soon enough, these numbers became too large to count in our heads. We began to make use of pencil and paper, and eventually calculators. But the really big numbers these days are counted by computers. And what better way to count to one million than by using this computer technology? That's why IguanaSoft released MegaCount, version 1.0 in 1990...to celebrate a new decade: a decade of counting. MegaCount went over well. Thousands of unforseen uses were discovered, and the results were of a univeral scale of greatness, to say the absolute least. We even released a second version a few months later, and it was even more bitchin' then it's predecessor. But we at IguanaSoft weren't happy with perfection: we needed to build upon it. Therefore, with the traditional pomp and circumstance, we're pleased to present: ┌───────────────┐ │ │ ───────────┤ MEGACOUNT ├─────────── │ version 3.1 │ │ │ └───────────────┘ ┌───────────────────────────────┐ │ SECTION TWO: Using MegaCount │ └───────────────────────────────┘ MegaCount, version 3.1 is the easiest-to-use IguanaSoft program to date. It supercedes versions 1.0 and 2.0 in ease of use by a mile. It's so damn easy it makes you want to jump for joy. "So why is the program documentation about eight times as long?" you ask. Smartass. Honestly, MegaCount 3.1 is fairly self-explanatory in operation, and is completely Mouse-Happy. If for some reason, your mouse does not operate correctly with MegaCount 3.1, then it is quite obvious that it's your mouse that is broken, and we don't want to hear about it. Of course, you don't have to have a mouse to get full enjoyment out of MegaCount...that's because Megacount uses IguanaWindows, which can be manipulated using the mouse or the keyboard. There are two important new IguanaSoft features in Megacount, version 3.1. They are Invisible Windows and AnnoyWare. Invisible Windows, when turned on, causes completely transparent windows to pop up at random intervals while MegaCount is active. These windows do not affect program operation in any way. In fact, you can ignore them completely if you like. AnnoyWare is a complex set of really annoying features which are discussed in detail later in the manual. It suffices to say that you may want to turn AnnoyWare OFF after a couple of tries. ┌───────────────────────────────────┐ │ SECTION THREE: MegaCount Features │ └───────────────────────────────────┘ MegaCount, version 3.1 is feature-rich when compared to its ancestors. Earlier versions of this amazing counting program allowed for only one method of counting: Forward. The program only counted from 1 to 1 million, in that order. Many users found that quite limiting. The simple fact is that many real life situations demand a different order of counting. An obvious instance is reverse, or backward counting, from 1 million down to 1. This method, overlooked in versions 1 and 2, is now an important part of version 3. Two other counting modes are included to increase your counting productivity. They are Random and Voodoo. Random counts all the numbers from 1 to 1 million, but in no particular order. Voodoo Counting calls upon the Haitian Spirit Fark'Nor, who does the counting for you, using your computer and MegaCount as a medium. IguanaSoft does not recommend using this feature during the early morning hours, as Fark'Nor tends to get upset when woken from his slumber. ┌───────────────────────────────┐ │ SECTION FOUR: About AnnoyWare │ └───────────────────────────────┘ AnnoyWare exists simply to annoy the user. Keep this in mind if you plan to use it. AnnoyWare has been built in to MegaCount, version 3.1. There are 7 different AnnoyWare routines included, all of which can be extremely annoying. We don't want to give too much away...it's much more fun to see for yourself. AnnoyWare is automatically turned on when MegaCount starts. To turn it off, simply select the Set Options choice from the Main Menu. Then select the Off switch in the "Annoy" Box, either with your mouse or by pressing the spacebar when "Off" is higlighted. ┌───────────────────────────────┐ │ SECTION FIVE: Troubleshooting │ └───────────────────────────────┘ No matter how easy a program is to use, there are bound to be a few problems for some people. We at IguanaSoft understand this, and therefore, we have included this section to help you with a few more common problems. Q: How can I turn that annoying beeping sound off? A: Even though the beeping during the actual Counting portion of the program is not AnnoyWare, it can be turned off. Select SET OPTIONS from the Main Menu, and then select Off in the Sound Box. Q: My screen is blank, and my computer is strangely quiet. What is the problem? A: Turn your computer and monitor on. Q: I can't see the invisible windows. Why is that? A: They're invisible. Nobody can see them. Q: I am feeling very depressed. My girlfriend dumped me last week, and I might lose my job. What can I do? A: Register your copy of MegaCount. It will make you feel much better. Q: Occasionally, a tiny elf pops right out of my screen and identifies himself as "Mumboz, Guardian of the Holy Pancake." What does this mean? A: This sometimes happens to IguanaSoft's programming team when they've been up way too late at night in front of their computers. Get some rest, and don't tell anybody about this. It doesn't look good. ┌──────────────────────────────┐ NEW! NEW! │ SECTION SIX: About BeerWare │ NEW! NEW! └──────────────────────────────┘ MegaCount, Version 3.1 is not free. We worked long and hard on it, and we got very thirsty while writing it. In the past, BeerWare asked that you send us beer in order to register the program. Unfortunately, we found that this wasn't exactly working out. Now, here at IguanaSoft, we're certainly not selfish, so we've redefined the concept of BeerWare. Simply put, you can now register your program merely by consuming a cold brew in our honor. That's right: just head down to your local liquor store and pick up a six-pack of your favorite brand of beer. Then kick back, pop it open and enjoy. Of course, we at IguanaSoft do not endorse alcohol consumption by minors, and we urge you to drink responsibly. Know when to say when. And please, don't use IguanaSoft programs while driving, operating heavy machinery, or while listening to Barry Manilow records. To complete the registration process, please let us know exactly how much you enjoyed IguanaSoft's BirdCall and your cold beer. You can reach us in one of two ways: 1) Call us. We can be found on The Razor's Edge BBS, the home of IguanaSoft. Leave a message in the IguanaSoft Conference, along with your name and address, and we'll send you a registration code. If you don't want to make your address public, then leave a comment to the Sysop, or register using option 2 (below). THE RAZOR'S EDGE BBS - (617) 786-8282 PCBoard 14.5 1200/2400 baud Located in beautiful and historic Quincy, MA. Note: The Razor's Edge BBS is a free public service, and maintains no connections to IguanaSoft, other than being a place where the programmers tend to hang out and answer questions and comments. They also hang out in the Sysop's basement and imbibe tremendous amounts of beer, but they'll never admit it. 2) Write us. Our mailbox has been empty these days. Send a postcard with your name and address, and we'll send you your registration code along with a nifty little IguanaSoft newsletter. IGUANASOFT 1419 Commonwealth Ave. Apt. #504 Brighton, MA 02135 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐ │ SECTION SEVEN: The Razor's Edge BBS │ └─────────────────────────────────────┘ The Razor's Edge BBS is the home of IguanaSoft. It is populated by a happy community of everyday normal people who take time out from their ordinary lives to act slightly insane over their modems. It's no surprise that IguanaSoft was conceived while one user was online. If you'd like to learn more about IguanaSoft, or if you just want to converse with a bunch of friendly folks, give The Razor's Edge a call: The Razor's Edge BBS (2400 Baud) PCBoard 14.5 (617) 783-1490 "May the iguanas run free."