For most of us Easter is a time of candy eating, egg boiling, and albino bunnies. For some of us, it is an extremely important religious celebration. And for the rest, it's just another day in March. Anyway, there's a lot of fun to be had, and there's plenty of opportunity for jokes to multiply like...well...rabbits! I've only got a few questions: Since when do rabbits lay eggs? How do they fill some of them with chocolate? That {is} chocolate---isn't it? Oy! And I thought a 280 pound man fitting down a 2 foot wide chimney was hard to explain! Anyway, it's fun to think about, and so are some of these jokes. If you have any jokes, puns, limericks, puns, anecdotes, or funny stories, then send them in! Before you know it, your joke might just become the...
^C{_Joke of the and Month!!!_}
^CKnock Knock.
^CWho's there?
^CEsther.
^CEsther who?
^CEsther bunny.
^C{----------}
^CKnock Knock.
^CWho's there?
^CStella.
^CStella who?
^CStella 'nother Esther bunny.
^C{----------}
^CKnock Knock.
^CWho's there?
^CConsumption.
^CConsumption who?
^CConsumption be done about all these Esther bunnies?
A family was building their own house. The father and son were on the and roof. The mother and daughter were doing siding. The mother told the daughter to go around and put up the and siding on one side. After awhile, she went over to see how the and daughter was doing. Mom noticed that occasionally she would pick a nail from her nail pouch, look it over and throw it down on the and ground.
The mother asked her, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The daughter replied, "The heads are on the and wrong end."
Mom corrected her, "You silly! There's nothing wrong with those nails. Those are the ones for the other side of the house."
A drunken Marine stumbles into a bar. He sees that all stools are occupied. He seeks out the smallest, meekest looking guy there. From behind, he hauls off with a wicked blow knocking the guy off his stool, shouting, "THAT'S A KARATE FROM JAPAN."
The guy gets up, brushes himself off and leaves. A few minutes later the bartender has his back to the bar when he hears a terrific thud. The barkeep turns around and sees the and Marine spread eagle on the floor-out like a light with the and guy standing along side. The little guy says to the and bartender, "When he comes to tell him that was hammer from Sears and Roebuck.
A busload of church women careened off a cliff killing all on board. When the ladies all arrived at the and gates of heaven they expected to be welcomed with open arms. St. Peter, however, told them that there was no room in heaven, although new residences were under construction and would be finished in about three weeks. In the interim they would have to wait down below.
After a week had passed, Satan knocked on St. Peter's door.
"You have to take those women back" he wailed.
Peter replied, "We still don't have the space. It will just be another two weeks."
"But Pete," Satan cried, "Between the bake sales, bazaars and bingo games they are within $100 of getting an air conditioner for the place."
One of the single girls in our office came in one morning and began passing out cigars and candy, both with blue ribbons. Puzzled and more than a little surprised, we asked the occasion. Proudly she displayed the solitaire on her left hand and announced, "It's a boy---six feet tall and 185 pounds!"
Adolph lost his wife, Marcia. Things didn't go too well after Marcia was gone. Adolph was still mentally alert, physically able, but he quite clearly wasn't able to take care of himself. The house went to pot, he didn't eat as he should... etc., etc.
A family council decided that Adolph should enter a nursing home, and Adolph agreed.
Adolph's eldest son visited about a week after Adolph was admitted. They sat and talked.
Son: "How are things going, Dad?"
Adolph: "Great! This is a terrific place."
Adolph leaned to the and left side, and the nurse came over and straightened him up.
Son: "How's the food?"
Adolph: "Terrific! I haven't eaten so well since Marcia left me."
Adolph leaned to the and other side, and the nurse straightened him up.
Son: "Do you keep busy? Is there an activity program?"
Adolph: "Ach, there's so much to do that I don't know where to go first. We've got a poker game going every afternoon at 2:00, and yesterday I cleared $100."
Adolph leaned to the and left side again, and the nurse straightened him up.
Son: "Well, that's terrific. I'm glad to hear this. Is there anything about this place that you don't like?"
Adolph leaned to the and right side, and the nurse straightened him up.
Adolph: "Yeah, this damned nurse won't let me fart!"
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and the captain put it on and led the crew into battle against the and pirate boarding party.
Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered, but the and captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
And once again the and battle was on. The captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, and this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night, recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the and captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the and wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence marveling at the and courage of such a man.
As dawn came the and next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the and Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"
This College Professor of Anthropologic who taught subjects on early man, had always wanted to go in search of the lost tribe. Finally, his opportunity came. He and his entourage was searching in the and deepest jungle and came upon the and lost tribe that had never been tainted by contact with modern man.
The Professor and the Chief became friends. The Chief was showing the Prof around the village. He showed the Prof his home, which was a very large grass hut. In the hut the and Chief had scores of thrones. The Prof ask why so many. The Chief said he was the and King of the and village and must have extra thrones, just in case one broke. The Chief said that his people were very suspicious and would not trust any King without a throne. The Prof told the Chief just how unlucky it was to have so many thrones in his house.
That night around the fire, they were eating, dancing and celebrating their new found friendship. The dancing became loud with stomping around the fire, when they heard this loud noise. They looked to find the Chief's grass hut had fell down and broken all of the thrones. The professor said, "See I told you it was unlucky, "he who lives in grass hut, should not STORE THRONES!"
How's that for a little Ishtar...I mean...Easter humor? You're probably cracking up, just like me, so send us your jokes and anecdotes, you will see them here ASAP!
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