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1994-01-30
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╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ RANDOM THOUGHTS MAGAZINE (C) 1994 D.P. McIntire ║
╠════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╣
║ Issue XII - February, 1994 by D.P. McIntire ║
╠════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╣
║ RANDOM THOUGHTS MAGAZINE may be distributed freely via CBBS, the Internet, ║
║ or other networks such as FidoNet. It may be used by System Operators of ║
║ CBBS' as a door, bulletin, or by any other means at their disposal. It ║
║ may also be distributed via CD ROM diskette without copyright violation. ║
║ ANY OTHER DISTRIBUTION OF THIS PUBLICATION IS PROHIBITED AND WILL BE ║
║ CONSIDERED AND PROSECUTED AS A VIOLATION OF FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS. ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ IN THIS MONTH'S ISSUE OF RANDOM THOUGHTS... ║
║ (1) Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina... so here I am. ║
║ (2) I'm out of the BBS business, perhaps permanently. ║
║ (3) Why do we make such a big deal over a football game? ║
║ (4) Why I'm about to kill my fiancee's cat. ║
║ (5) Hey! It's our anniversary! ║
║ (6) Smilie Faces... Some hate 'em, some love 'em... here's a few. ║
║ (7) The Way the System Should Work - Part III of the series. ║
║ (8) Parting Thoughts. ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ NOTHING COULD BE FINER THAN TO BE IN CAROLINA... SO HERE I AM. ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
Greetings from down South! Yep... it's official. On 11 January I packed my
bags and hot-footed it about 483.2 miles from Indiana, Pennsylvania, to my
new home, Raleigh, North Carolina. As I write this I've been here seventeen
days - and I like it.
Raleigh is an interesting city with an outstanding BBS community. My system,
AmeriBoard (tm), has been closed as a result of the relocation. Calls are
being relocated through the former AmeriBoard Enterprises (the company also
died when I moved) affiliate boards for the time being, but I intend to open
a new system here in Carolina, tentatively to be called AmeriBoard², or "The
Deuce" for short. Stole the idea from ESPN2, but it'll do unless someone
comes up with something better.
Thus far I haven't been able to land employment here, but I'm told that's not
a serious dilemma down here. Unlike Pennsylvania, which has a rampant 11.7%
unemployment rate (in my home county), here we have 3.1% unemployment roughly,
and I'm looking forward to getting working here in the city.
Well, in any event, I'm now in the Tar Heel State. It's a good sight better
than where I was, known as the Tar HELL State, but I digress. It's really
good to be where the weather in January is 60°. Really nice.
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ I'M OUT OF THE BBS BUSINESS, PERHAPS PERMANENTLY. ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
Obviously I wrote the headline before the article on this one. When I moved
here I planned on staying out of the BBS junket, keeping my efforts to the
works I put out each month (RT, SportsBeat and AmeriBoards). But with the
great BBS community the Raleigh area offers its users, I just can't sit 'round
and not be a part of it, even if just in a minor role.
In Pennsylvania where I was (Indiana, a small town of about 15,000), the BBS
community looked upon me as "the" player. Out of eleven boards in the area
(which is an extremely high number for a town twice that size), I had direct
influence in some way over four, and an indirect influence on three others.
Although I only controlled my own directly, I found that many of the other
BBS operators (most of them in their teens) looked upon me (and the fact that
I put out RT, SportsBeat, AmeriBoards, etc.) as an icon of sorts.
In Raleigh, if I were to enter the BBS scene with AmeriBoard², "The Deuce",
or whatever the hell I want to call my system, I'm a bit player - I like that.
No pressure of any kind on me, which lets me run my system my way. With my
old system, I was always concerned about things such as how many subscribers
I would get each month, whether they would pay the bills I accumulated each
month, how many files I could acquire over the month to keep the users happy
in downloads, etc. I don't have that worry anymore, and that makes me happy
personally - who knows? Maybe I won't get back in the BBS business after all.
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ WHY DO WE MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL OVER A FOOTBALL GAME? ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
By the time you read this, Super Bowl XXVIII will be a memory. In my case as
I write this, it is three days away. But nevertheless the question will still
ring in your head a little: "Why do we make a big stink about a Super Bowl?"
Super Bowl XXVIII had the Buffalo Bills going down to defeat in their fourth
straight Super Bowl, and for the second straight year at the hands of the
Dallas Cowboys (I'm really sticking my neck out on this since the game is 3
days from when I write this - if Buffalo wins, please forgive me). The 'Boys
now join the likes of the Steelers and 49'ers in Super Bowl lore as the only
4-time winners (although it took Dallas 7 trips to the big show to get here).
Super Bowls have been so hyped by the NFL, NBC, CBS (well, not anymore... you
can feel free to put Fox in this slot now), ABC, TNT and ESPN that they've
become more gabbing than game. Take the roman numerals, for starters. Super
Bowl XXVII, Super Bowl XXVIII, and next year, Super Bowl XXIX. Pretty soon
we'll have Super Bowl XXXVIII, Super Bowl LXI, and so on. Although this is
a good idea if the NFL wants to teach us about roman numerals, it get's
tiring trying to remember which year goes with which Super Bowl (XXXVIII, by
the way, is Super Bowl 38, to be played in 2004, LXI is Super Bowl 61, to be
played after I'm dead and gone in all likelihood).
Other problems with Super Bowls: Conferences. AFC vs. NFC just isn't the
same as it was 10 years ago. This year for instance, it's likely that the
best matchup (as it was last year) was Dallas vs. San Francisco in the NFC
title game. This SHOULD have been the Super Bowl. So what if they come from
the same conference? So what if both teams were part of the NFL prior to
1970? Do quarter-century old alignments still work? I don't think so.
Enough about sports...
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ WHY I'M ABOUT TO KILL MY FIANCEE'S CAT. ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
Millie is my fiancee's cat. I got Millie a little over a year ago at a pet
shop for $ 5.00, for two predominate reasons: (a) I thought the cat would
drive my future mother-in-law up a tree (starting relations with future
mothers-in-law should start early, you know), and (b) her brother urinated on
my fiancee while holding him, which isn't a good way to build a relationship.
Millie, like me, made the move to Raleigh. The cat, which still hasn't come
close to full "normal" cat size, is driving me nuts. Please understand that
I don't like cats that much (I once took a pistol after one of my fiancee's
after it sat on my car - I didn't get a shot off, but the cat didn't get on
my car after that, either), but Millie is the exception rather than the rule.
However...
I've been rearranging my sleep schedule for the past two weeks, trying to get
adjusted to my new surroundings. Millie has two, split personalities: (a)
the 9am-1am personality... that of a normal cat, lounging around the house
like she owns it, sitting on a chair, trying like hell to look cute and so
forth in order to prove her worth to the family, etc. Then there's (b) the
1am-9am Millie. This Millie is spastic. One minute she'll be leaping over
your leg to pounce on the large "artificial" rat that my fiancee bought her,
the next she'll be rummaging around the kitchen, tearing the bejeezus out of
the garbage, and the next she'll be running up and down the stairs at the
speed of sound... and running up and down the stairs... and running up and
down the stairs... again and again and again. It's driving me bananas.
I've plotted several different methods to kill Millie. Microwaving is a real
possibility... or dropping her from our second floor window onto the concrete
below... or deep frying. Cat probably tastes like chicken... hmmm... she
tends to chew on electrical cords from time to time... that might be helpful.
NO! I'M JUST KIDDING! DON'T SEND ME HATE MAIL TELLING ME REALLY CUTE
STORIES ABOUT YOUR ORANGE CAT, "GARFIELD". I don't want to hear them. I
don't like cats, let's leave it at that.
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ HEY! IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY! ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
It took me 148 lines of text to figure out that this month marks the first
anniversary of RANDOM THOUGHTS! Geez, and I didn't even buy a cake! In our
first year, we experienced a lot of change... so far all good.
RT has developed a small, yet hard-core group of readers. Lord knows why, but
I can account for about 150-155 "issues" of RT being downloaded from popular
BBS'es each month. This is the reason I do RT - to entertain, possibly to
inform, but definitely to entertain.
I've now done RT for a year, and I'm looking forward to lauding our second
anniversary issue. Although I can't say I'm proud of RT as a "bastion of
journalistic integrity" (think about it, the name of the publication itself
is "Random Thoughts"... how proud could I really be?), I can say that I have
definitely enjoyed bringing it to you each month.
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ SMILIE FACES... SOME HATE 'EM, SOME LOVE 'EM... HERE'S A FEW. ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
Everyone has an opinion of some sort on the "smilie face phenomenon". Most
people have adopted the standard :-) smilie face to inflect sarcasm, or to
let someone know that the last comment they made is to be taken in jest. Some
have risen this to a new art form. Consider the following, which I picked up
off of a local BBS here in Raleigh:
The Unofficial Smilie Dictionary
--------------------------------
:-) Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or
joking statement since we can't hear voice inflection over CIS.
;-) Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark.
More of a "don't hit me for what I just said" smilie.
:-( Frowning smilie. User did not like that last statement or is upset
or depressed about something.
:-I Indifferent smilie. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite as
good as a happy smilie
:-> User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-).
>:-> User just made a really devilish remark.
>;-> Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.
Those are the basic ones...Here are some somewhat less common ones:
(-: User is left handed
%-) User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight
:*) User is drunk
[:] User is a robot
8-) User is wearing sunglasses
B:-) Sunglasses on head
::-) User wears normal glasses
B-) User wears horn-rimmed glasses
8:-) User is a little girl
:-)-8 User is a Big girl
:-{) User has a mustache
:-{} User wears lipstick
{:-) User wears a toupee
}:-( Toupee in an updraft
:-[ User is a Vampire
:-E Bucktoothed vampire
:-F Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing
:-7 User just made a wry statement
:-* User just ate something sour
:-)~ User drools
:-~) User has a cold
:'-( User is crying
:'-) User is so happy, s/he is crying
:-# User is screaming
:-# User wears braces
:^) User has a broken nose
:v) User has a broken nose, but it's the other way
:<) User is from an Ivy League School
:-& User is tongue tied.
=:-) User is a hosehead
-:-) User is a punk rocker
- -:-( (real punk rockers don't smile)
:=) User has two noses
+-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office
`:-) User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning
,:-) Same thing...other side
|-I User is asleep
|-O User is yawning/snoring
:-Q User is a smoker
:-? User smokes a pipe
O-) Megaton Man On Patrol! (or else, user is a scuba diver)
O :-) User is an angel (at heart, at least)
:-P Nyahhhh!
:-S User just made an incoherent statement
:-D User is laughing (at you!)
:-X User's lips are sealed
:-C User is reaally bummed
<|-) User is Chinese
<|-( User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes
:-/ User is skeptical
C=:-) User is a chef
#= User is pro-nuclear war
:-o Uh oh!
(8-o It's Mr. Bill!
*:o) And Bozo the Clown!
3:] Pet smilie
3:[ Mean Pet smilie
E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator
:-9 User is licking his/her lips
%-6 User is braindead
[:-) User is wearing a walkman
(:I User is an egghead
<:-I User is a dunce
#:-) User is wearing a turban
:-0 No Yelling! (Quiet Lab)
:-: Mutant Smilie
.-) User only has one eye
,-) Ditto...but he's winking
X-( User just died
8 :-) User is a wizard
C=}>;*{)) Mega-Smilie... A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an
updraft, a mustache, and a double chin
:) Midget smilie
:] Gleep...a friendly midget smilie who will gladly be your friend
Feel free to use these on your local BBS, if for no other reason than to
drive your SysOp's nuts. Personally I like smilie's, if for no other reason
than they show a little bit of ingenuity on the part of their creators.
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ THE WAY THE SYSTEM SHOULD WORK - PART III OF THE SERIES. ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
For the fast two months I've been laying down what I would do as dictator (not
President, but a full-fledged, "Il Duce" style dictator) of the U.S. Last
month I outlined the basics of how I would deal with the criminal element in
our nation. Now, in Part III of the series, I outline what I believe to be
another one of America's problems, together with what would be my solution to
the dilemma. The problem is our welfare system. Oh, boy! Here we go!
STEP ONE: Eliminate the welfare system as we know it. Completely. Strip it
out of the American system. Unfortunately you'll have to replace it to a
degree, but let's start by tearing down our current system entirely.
STEP TWO: INTERVIEWS. Every person in the United States who wants to apply
for the new welfare system must be interviewed along with his/her family by a
government case worker. This case worker will judge whether or not any or all
members of that family are capable of being put to work.
STEP THREE: WORKFARE. No one who receives government assistance from that
day forward will be exempt. If you receive a check from the government as a
part of the new welfare system, then damnit, you are going to give us eight
hours a day, forty hours a week, period. You are either going to be put to
work on our nation's infrastructure (roads, public works projects, etc.), or
you are going to sit on your tucas staring at the wall if you aren't capable
of working - but you will do something for your check, even if it's merely
stapling papers or something. Government employees always claim they are
underpaid and overworked, so let's get them some help, huh?
STEP FOUR: HOUSING. The poor state that there is a shortage of affordable
housing in the United States. I don't dispute this at all. However, under
our new government system we can fix the problem. Simply put these welfare
recipients to work in projects which build multi-family housing units for
those who cannot afford other types of housing.
STEP FOUR, PART II: HOUSING SECURITY. Another problem with housing is that
most housing projects turn into seedy, run down, rat infested buildings. I
say this is due moreso to laziness of the occupants than anything else. So,
under my government, each building would be inspected every two months: if
the building did not meet up to the standards set, the building would be
condemned and the occupants evicted - without setting them up in new housing.
It would literally be a case of "put up (some effort to keep your own home
in order) or get out." Along with the eviction would be a complete removal
from the new welfare system: if they couldn't put their house in order, we
take the house, and they must fend for themselves, period.
STEP FIVE: ELIMINATE SOCIAL SECURITY FOR THOSE BEING BORN IN 1995 AND AFTER.
What? Touch the sacred cow of our nation? Yep. I would immediately impose
a suspension of the social security system, starting with infants born on
January 1, 1995. If you were born before that date, you receive benefits and
you must pay FICA taxes; if you were born after that date, you neither pay
FICA taxes or receive benefits when you reach age 70 (as it stands now, they
wouldn't receive benefits before age 70. Kids born between 1960-69 for
example, have to wait until they are 67.) The children born after 1995 will
have to prepare for their own retirement, as did our grandparents and great-
grandparents back before 1933.
These are a vital part of the plans I would impose as America's dictator. I
will have more nuggets in next month's issue.
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
║ PARTING THOUGHTS. ║
╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
Moving is an experience that most of us endure at one point or another in our
lives. Packing up your entire life and relocating it to some far-off place
is something that few relish. In my instance, my relocation literally came
minutes after quitting my job in a huff over some insignificant detail - 12
hours (and 480+ miles) later, I'd relocated to a whole new world.
But I am not at all afraid of my new surroundings, nor am I sorry that I left
the area from which I came. I've not shed one tear over my departure, and I
look forward to the future here.
By the way, don't move to Raleigh... I like it here just the way it is, and
I don't want anyone gunning for any jobs that I might get.
- end -