home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
Monster Media 1994 #1
/
monster.zip
/
monster
/
MAGAZINE
/
SM9402.ZIP
/
ELIJ
< prev
next >
Wrap
Text File
|
1994-02-03
|
7KB
|
170 lines
▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF ELIJAH SMITH░░░░░░░░Jeff Epstein
▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀
It was time to go home.
Elijah Smith stood burning in the blazing hot sun outside
the Reno Airport. It had been a long, difficult trip. He had
gambled real, real hard but somehow managed to lose more than he
won. He couldn't wait to get back to New York. But not just
yet, apparently. There was now a last minute snag as he wearily
stood there in his sweaty, crumpled suit and pink bow tie.
Smith only had a couple of $20 bills on him. The fare was
only $5.20, and the cabbie couldn't make change.
The cab driver was annoyed. "Don't you have anything
smaller?"
"No, um, see, driver, I mean, Mr. Driver, I would have
normally something smaller but that's all the money I have,
cause I forgot to go to the bank before I came here. And then I
was going to buy a magazine, you see, but I didn't even buy the
magazine because I knew I was going to have to pay you, and..."
"Alright, already," the driver snapped. I gotta go to the
airport cashier and get change. You wanna come?"
"Well, yeah...sure. Okay."
The cabbie got out and marched into the terminal, Smith
trotting behind him lugging his luggage. They had to walk
almost half the length of the Reno Airport.
"Gee, Mr. Driver, don't you think they would have more
cashier stations around here? I mean, it really is Reno and
you'd think the least they could do would be to put a cashier
station in the middle of the airport where the average person
could see it. Not that you're average, Mr. Cab Driver, sir,
I'm sure you're a very above average cab driver, sir. But don't
you think...."
"Jeez, would you stop talking? You're driving me crazy!
The cashier's right over there."
And there -- amid a nest of slot machines -- was the
cashier booth.
The cashier riffled the cash in her hand with an expert,
practiced flair. She took the twenty from the cab driver, and
smoothly counted out one ten and ten singles. As the cabbie
took them, Smith asked for an even $14 back.
The expression on the driver's face instantly told him
that eighty cents was not the cabbie's idea of a good tip. But
he gave Elijah $14 quickly and ran off.
"Goodbye, Mr. Driver! Nice talking to you!"
Having finally settled the cab fare, Elijah picked up his
suitcase and wearily trudged off to the ticket counter.
Still, he couldn't leave that taxi behind him. Something
was wrong. Something he couldn't put his finger on kept
needling him.
Even then, it wasn't for a full 10 minutes later at the
gate, that Smith remembered the Reno Hilton had a free airport
shuttle. He had forgotten all about it!
He sat, waiting for his flight. Several rows of plastic
chairs away sat a girl with auburn hair, chic Italian
sunglasses, and a bright purple paisley jumpsuit. The outfit
should have looked ridiculous, but it looked great on her.
Smith enjoyed the view for a few minutes. But then the girl got
up and walked away.
His flight wouldn't leave for a few minutes, and being the
nervous flier he was, Elijah decided the thing to do was to get
a drink. As he walked into the bar, he noticed the Paisley Babe
sitting by herself at the bar, watching the airplanes go by.
He briefly considered the opportunity. Cold approaches
never worked for him. Warm approaches never worked for him
either. But he had to try something. He casually strolled over
next to her.
"Um, gee, miss, can I buy you a drink?"
The Paisley Babe turned to him and gave him a full flash
of violet eyes. No smile.
"I have a drink here in front of me."
"Well, your drink looks...cold."
"That's because there's ice in it, you moron."
"Oh, yeah...ice. Ice is good. Ice is just the thing.
Except for a Hot Toddy of course. You wouldn't want ice in a
Hot Toddy. Unless, that is, you wanted to cool it off so you
don't burn your tongue. I did that once. Me and my friend
Jimmy were having pizza and I burned my mouth so bad I couldn't
sing for a week. Would you like to hear me sing?"
The Paisley Babe slid off the barstool and slid her purple
arms around Elijah's skinny frame. Now she smiled. Elijah was
terrified.
"Actually, I have a plane to catch. Maybe I can hear you
sing some other time." Her voice was like silk.
"Yeah...sure. I'd like that. I'll sing for you...
anytime."
"I have to go now. Bye."
"Uh.....bye."
Elijah stood there watching her in awe for a full three
minutes as she walked away, until he remembered he hadn't even
asked her name. So much for overtures.
Well, he would read instead. What the heck, he thought,
splurge for a magazine, anyway. He reached in his pocket for
his wallet and couldn't find it. He checked his other pockets
in vain.
Losing a wallet, in itself, was not an uncommon occurrence
for Elijah. But it usually turned up, after several minutes of
heart-pounding frustration. This time the wallet did not appear
at all, including his bag.
"Omigoodness! Omigoodness! I gotta find my wallet!"
Red alert! Smith ran back wildly through the terminal,
yelling, almost crashing into a motorcart full of people in
wheelchairs.
He ran over to the service counter. Elijah hurriedly
explained the situation to the agent. After five minutes of
explanation, the agent finally interrupted him.
"Sir, sir, if you'll give me a moment to explain, I think
I have your wallet."
"You do?"
"Elijah Smith. Is this it?" She handed over a wallet.
"This is my wallet! Wow! Am I lucky! I'm so glad
somebody found it. That's the best thing about our country, you
know, is that a guy can lose a wallet and...hey! Where's the
money? There was money in here!"
"Well, there was no money in it when the lady turned it
in, sir."
"A lady turned it in? What lady?"
"She didn't leave her name, sir. But I do remember her.
She was wearing this bright purple paisley jumpsuit, and she
turned it in just a little while ago, sir.....sir? Sir?"
Elijah Smith had fainted on the floor.
-end-
Copyright (c)1994 Jeff Epstein