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1994-12-16
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ICCJ-FAQ v. 3.0 THE OFFICIAL FAQ FILE FOR
THE ILLINOIS CIRCUIT COURT OF THE JIHAD
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1. Who is B'harne.
B'harne (pronounced barn' - ee) is the supreme deity of the ancient
religion called the Reptilian Davidians. This is rumored to be the oldest
religion in the world because dinosaurs practiced it. The small brains of
the dinosaurs were reason enough why they believed in this religion. This
religion died, but B'harne did his EVIL deeds throughout his hiatus, from
the black plague, to several mysterious deaths, to unsolved massacres. He
is very close to the Christian description of Satan, who has three powers;
3 Can be anywhere - he is seen in several places and can move
from one place to another. B'harne can move from one place
like his show, to another, say Palatine, IL, or the grassy
knoll in Dallas.
2 Can be anyone - he can assume many forms. B'harne has as-
sumed several identities throughout the years, be it Judas,
Henry VIII, George III, David Koresh, Lee Harvey Oswald,
O. J. Simpson (History will be rewritten if the B'harne
conspiracy was studied further.)
1 Can never die - there are doubts about this one. Just be-
cause a spongy reptile has endured for the past 100 million
years does not actually mean immortality, but we cannot just
ignore the possibility.
And now he has invaded the tube and injected his poison (a/k/a Healthy Snacks)
into a television show for young children called _B'harne and Fiends_ that
stars himself, his deputy, B'habi B'hop, B'hop's big brother, B'hi J'hei, and
some followers of the Reptilian Davidian cult. He influences viewers with his
encrypted messages that sound like love and peace, but are decoded by the
young viewer as a message that there is no god but B'harne, destroying the
child's Functioning Cerebrum and making the child a sponge-minion.
2. How can I show my support for the Jihad, and what is the Jihad anyway??
Alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die (powerful and sacred) is the official news-
group of the Jihad, the largest anti-B'harne task force in the world. It is
not to be confused with the New Jihad (vague group by McDaniel or sponge group
by Honorable.)
The Illinois Circuit Court of the Jihad (ICCJ), originally founded as Chicago-
ans Against Reptilian Davidians (CARD), is the unofficial judicial wing of the
Jihad. Its mission is to inform the public of the EVILs of B'harne, enforce
the laws stated below, punish impenitent sponge-minions, and ultimately
to be a part of the annihilation of B'harne.
3. What laws govern the Jihad?
The Jihad Lives by the Threefold Truth:
1. Barney is the demonic incarnation of all hell on earth.
2. Barney seeks to make the world his Purple Kingdom, and does so by corrupt-
ing the innocent and weak into Sponge Minions.
3. Barney must be destroyed. All else is irrelevant.
The 3rd point of the Threefold Truth is the basis for the Corollary Politic,
which forbids the discussion of politics in ab4d (powerful and sacred).
1. B'harne is not political. B'harne is neither Republican nor Democratic,
liberal nor conservative. B'harne is hell-spawned EVIL.
2. Since there is political dissension even among Jihaddi, who have
Functioning Cerebrums(tm), political opinion cannot be used to decide
Jihad matters. The Jihad is apolitical: It merely seeks to destroy B'harne.
3. Political are ephemeral when compared with the potentially eternal EVIL
of B'harne. We must focus on the eradication of B'harne.
4. However, when politicians, such as Rush, actually discuss B'harne it is
appropriate to comment on those statements in order to determine whether
or not those individuals are Sponge Minions.
5. When in doubt, refer to the Threefold Truth, especially part three.
4. What are the penalties for breaking the Jihad laws?
Treason: Posting pro-B'harne propaganda or mailing a Jihaddi such propaganda
punishable by death by PezCN (Pez with time released cyanide, designed to
despongify, or kill)
Bestiality: Sex with B'harne, B'habi B'hop, or B'hi J'hei, punishable by
PezCN (see treason)
Forgery: Posting items under the assumed identity of an ICCJ Justice, punish-
able by PezCN
Violation of Corollary Politic: posting/mailing Jihad-related info that
contradicts the Corollary Politic, punishable by warning in first offense,
repeat offense with FAQ e-mail.
5. What is the Classification System?
In order to infiltrate the Reptilian Davidian sponge minionistries, I have
come up with a new classification system. They are as follows.
Class A - typical spongie with a lack of Functioning Cerebrum.
Can be converted with a little FAQ attack.
Class B or B'harndoc - sponge who defends his/her perversions
in response to worthy Jihad flames. Will be seen with doll
of B'harne in public. Requires major despongification (Only
named the class after B'harndoc because it starts with B,
even though he was the following class)
Class C or Crawf'hird- the most zealous and militant of the
sponge-minions. Will threaten anyone who will not comply
with the perverted agenda. Functioning Cerebrum has disint-
egrated beyond any despongification efforts. Punishable by
torture and death.
Class D or Demon - B'harne. MUST BE DESTROYED!!! ALL ELSE IS
IRRELEVANT!!!
6. Who are the justices of ICCJ?
The Illinois Circuit Court of the Jihad consists of
Brendan J. F. Scallon (aka Tex the Feral): Chief Justice
thrasher@mcs.com, scallon@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu
Ennio Phillips (aka Serp the Feral): Justice of Ohio operations (ICCJ-OH)
fh129@cleveland.Freenet.edu
Golgotha: Justice of North Shore operations (ICCJ-NS)
golgotha@aol.com, <unknown>@oakton.edu
Windigo the Feral: Justice of Kentucky operations (ICCJ-KY)
windigo@thepoint.com
Lara Ray (aka Maeve the Feral): Justice of Indiana operations (ICCJ-IN)
ljray@nickel.ucs.indiana.edu
Christopher Bird: Justice of Ontario operations (ICCJ-ON)
cbird@chat.carleton.ca
James Renken (aka Neon Wizard): Justice of Minnesota operations (ICCJ-MN)
renk0006@gold.tc.umn.edu
7. How can I join the ICCJ?
First of all, do not mail asking for a position. In other words, don't
call us, we'll call you.
Admission to the ICCJ is at the discretion of the Chief Justice based on
commitment to the Jihad, faithfulness to the cause, conviction, and
strength.
8. What is the ICCJ-ACTF?
One of ab4d's (powerful and sacred) biggest plagues is a Montreal man by
the name of M'hikl Crawf'hird. He kept on posting his perversions towards
B'harne with no repentance. Since he could not be despongified, the ICCJ
formed the Anti-Crawf'hird Task Force to get rid of the false prophet. It
consists of:
Theodore Brock (arsenal@esu.edu)
Neon Wizard (renk0006@gold.tc.umn.edu)
Philip Ashton ()
Windigo the Feral (windigo@thepoint.com)
Wyldfire (lhassel@quapaw.astate.edu)
Ennio Phillips (fh129@cleveland.Freenet.edu)
Admission to the ICCJ-ACTF is open as long as an applicant is true Jihaddi.
Any more information can be obtained by e-mailing thrasher@mcs.com or
scallon@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu.
MAY THE JIHAD BE WITH YOU.