Phoenix Rising BBS/phoenixrising.zip/phoenixrising/misc/ge6.txt

Text File | 1992-09-27 | 27KB | 491 lines

====
MAIL
====

     The Ku Klux Klan has some interesting strategies for spreading terror.
One of these is to collect from regional newspapers clippings of unsolved
arsons (or robberies, rapes, burglaries, assaults, etc.).  If you need to
fatten the file, include clips from national publications too.  Place the clips
in a manila envelope and tape it to an old gasoline can (or ax, bra, shotgun
shell, jimmy bar, etc.), which you leave on your mark's home or office
doorstep.

     David Williams is the pen name of a Texas state legislator who spends his
working hours as a freelance writer.  He told about Jim Boren (pen name of a
friend), whose great idea for practical joking was to send single-entendre
postal cards bearing personal, sexual, or medical messages to William's home.

     "Since I met Jim Boren, I hide from my postman," Williams notes.

     Williams is not Boren's only victim.  Many of his friends suffer from
postal cards such as the bogus Playboy Towers Memo that pointed out, "Davie
boy, thanks for taking care of my friend while she was in Austin.  I was
envious when she told me how things went down.  Love, Elvira."

     Or this hotel postcard came from Hong Kong, addressed to Williams via his
pen name at his real address:  "She's no longer at the topless bar.  But her
sister at the massage parlor thinks she went to Seoul.  I can pursue it at the
embassy, but will have to disclose your personal interest.  Please advise."

     It is signed by J. Harley, identified by a return address as "Harley's
Detective Agency" in New Orleans.  There is no Harley, no agency, no nothing at
the return addresses.

     Jim also sends cards to people's wives.  One said:  "Sorry, couldn't make
it this time.  My wife came along."

     One of Harley's better efforts at postal assassination was this gem, sent
from Toronto:  "Thanks for your help with the bail money.  You done better by
me than President Nixon did by his boys for doing about the same thing.  If I
get the book thrown at me later, I'll ride it out, but I want a written
agreement on the money and I don't want you saying ugly things about me in the
papers if they learn about your personal role in this."

     From Cleveland, Jim Boren sent David Williams this postcard:  "The cops
found your name and address in one of the girls' diaries.  They may be in touch
soon.  -- A friend."

     This next stunt is also accomplished through the mail.  Posing as a
medical researcher, Elmer Surehe says, you can probably con some crablice eggs
from a supply house, for a price, of course.  The eggs are inserted with an
innocuous business letter into an envelope addressed personally to the mark.
When the mark opens and unfolds the letter, the lice eggs drop onto his/her
clothing and surroundings.

     It would make sense that nothing in this letter connect back to you, of
course.  Some people have used the name and return address of another mark.
The resulting confusion will ensure that two marks are unhappy.

     A critic felt that this tactic would be unfair because an innocent
secretary, business associate, or spouse might intercept the letter and receive
the dose.  Two observations -- first, people shouldn't read personal mail
addressed to other people; and second, sometimes the innocent must scratch
along with the guilty.

     A pulled-punch version of the lice-eggs letter is to use itching powder
instead.  It's easily available from novelty stores, or you can make your own
following the directions printed in some of the formula books available.
Sneezing powder is another alternative.

     A suggestion for a nastier ingredient came in from a former agent of the
American intelligence community who got paid a lot of money for planning and
implementing things like this.  He suggests a chemical tear-gas powder heavily
laced into an envelope, noting, "It will clear a mailroom or an office in
minutes."

==========
MAIL DROPS
==========

     These are essential if you're going to carry on any sort of correspondence
with a mark or with suppliers of services and equipment.  Depending upon the
circumstances, you will need either a postal box or a regular street-address
mail drop.  Post-office boxes may be obtained in any name, although you will
have to present some identification documenting your "identity."

     If your scam is a short-termer, pick an apartment with many little boxes.
Choose an empty one, claim it for the duration, and have it checked daily.  Put
in your little name card and use that exact address on your returns.  The
mail-delivery person doesn't know or care who comes and goes.  Or you can have
a very cool and trusted friend front their address as you as a mail drop.
However, this person must be prepared and capable of carrying off a very
plausible denial.  You'd better think this one through before involving another
person.  Deniability can be a tough rap for an amateur.

========
MARRIAGE
========

     Marriage (catch)

     Carol Sludge and a friend decided they should stage manage an entire
wedding for a mark.  So they did.  She handled the gown and bridesmaids'
goodies, and he did the satorial bit for the men.  They got invitations and
arranged for a church, a reception hall, a caterer, and an orchestra.  They did
it all in the name of the mark and his fictious spouse to be.  They chose a
time when the mark was on vacation to send out invitations for the Sunday the
mark was due back in town.  Everyone showed up for the ceremony -- everyone but
the "bride and groom."  Guests were somewhat miffed, and merchants and others
descended upon the mark at his place of business Monday morning, wanting to be
paid for goods and services.

     Beyond that, what do you turn to after the old standard buns of wrecking
the marriage ceremony have been batted around the bachelor-party table?  Here
are some quickie suggestions, brought to you by the Reverend Robby Gayer:

     1.  Hire a woebegone lady with a young child to troop into the reception
and confront the groom-mark with the question of his continued child-support
payments.

     2.  Hire an outstandingly healthy young wench who is just brimming over
with sensual physical charm.  She should cause heads to turn if she's costumed
correctly as she vamps up to the groom-mark and plants wet soul kisses on him,
cooing, "Don't forget our past, love.  And when you're tired of that little
girl next-door, you know where to find me."  As she leaves, she stage whispers,
"Last [night, week, whatever] was just super.  Don't be such a stranger --
you're too much man for that."

     3.  Call the church office before the ceremony and say that a crazed
ex-lover of the bride plans to destroy the reception.  Just as the reception
begins, arrange to have many M80s or grenade simulators exploded.

     4.  Consider bringing additives into play with the punch and the food.

     5.  Hire someone, grief stricken at the loss of the bride or groom, to
messily and dramatically "attempt suicide" at either the ceremony or the
reception.  Be sure to have associates to carry the victim out quickly for
"medical attention."

     6.  Hire someone to become physically sick during the ceremony or the
reception.  With luck, you can get a member of the wedding party to do this.

     7.  Use many additives in the groom-mark's drinks during the prenuptial
bachelor party.

     8.  Hire someone to slowly and dramatically flash the minister for the
back of the church while everyone else is facing front.  This also works well
if there is a singer in the choir balcony.  Try to upset him or her during a
song.

     9.  Call the state police or the drug-enforcement people and give them a
complete discription of the car that will carry the bridal couple on the
honeymoon.  Report that the couple and the car are really dope mules, that is,
couriers of the drug trade.

=====
MEDIA
=====

     The mass media -- newspapers, radio, television, and magazines -- can be
helpful tools in getting even, or they can be your mark in a dirty trick.  I
suggest you keep your media-as-tool aspect relegated to local events and local
media.  In general, newspapers tend to be conservative and stodgy and not much
interested in your rousing of the rabble.  Most newspaper officials play golf
with corporate officials, and their common bond are advertising and profits.

     Television likes good, visual consumer stories, and local TV stations will
go for local controversy more often than will local newspapers.  Here are some
basic suggestions for using the media to help you in your getting-even
campaigns.

     If the editor says the event is news, then it goes out to the public as
news.  People don't make news; editors make news.

     To impress editors you have to keep coming up with fresh action.  You have
to be visual, outrageous, funny, controversial, and brief.  Your message has to
be catchy, visual, and packaged to fit ninety seconds of time in the six- or
eleven-o'clock news slot.  It's no wonder long-winded academics end up with
"Viewpoint," or "Talk Out" at 3:00 o'clock Monday morning.  They don't know how
to use TV.

     Now, how do you get even with the media when they deserve it?  There are
several things you can do:

O     Take or phone in a fake wedding story, being sure to give them a
 legitimate-looking bride-groom photo.  It doesn't matter who the people in the
 picture really are.  Most smaller and medium-sized papers will publish without
 checking, which could lead to all sorts of wonderful things if you've been
 inventive in your choice of marriage partners.

O     Use a low-power mobile transmitter to add little bits of original
 programming to your community's commercial radio station.  Some people did
 this in Syracuse, New York, and drove officials crazy with hilariously obscene
 fake commercials, news bulletins, etc.

O     Newspapers often have huge rolls of newsprint in relatively unsecured
 storage areas.  It is a low-risk mission to insert paper-destroying insects or
 chemicals into those rolls.

O     Some small radio stations are often loosely attended at night.  Often,
 only the on-duty DJ is around, and even he will have to go to the can
 sometime.  You might be able to wait until then or have an accomplice distract
 that DJ while you place a prerecorded cassette with a message of your own
 choosing on the air.

O     With smaller newspapers, it is sometimes easy to get phony stories and/or
 pictures published.  Using you imagination, you can certainly cause a variety
 of grief with their crime.

     According to media consultant Jed Billet, if you have a financially weak
radio station in your area, you can often place ads for your mark over the
telephone.  Agreeing, Eugene Barnes recalls, "A couple of years ago, I wanted
to get back at a doctor who'd really screwed up my family with some terrible
behavior in a business dealing.  So I designated him as my mark and had him
'open a pizza business.'  I called the radio station and had them run a
saturation campaign of twenty-five spots per day listing his name and home
address and telephone number, plus all sorts of promotional gimmicks, like free
delivery, free Coke, stuff like that.  He had to have his telephone
disconnected for a week.  The station ran the ads for a day and a half before
the doctor got them pulled.  He had 'customers' off and on, though, for the
next ten days."

     Newspapers, magazines, radio, and TV are businesses, very concerned about
their profit-and-loss statements.  Sales, both of advertising and of audience
for that advertising, are vital to the media.  Knowing this, old media hand Ben
Bulova has a scheme that works well most of the time.

     "Most newspapers will start a subscription with a telephone call," Bulova
says.  "You call in and order a subscription in your mark's name and address."

     The next step, Bulova explains, is to call the mark and, using the real
circulation manager's name, tell him that you are with the circulation
department of the newspaper and that they're going to give the mark a free
trial subscription.  That way, when the papers start to arrive, the mark thinks
they're free.  When the bill arrives, the mark will call the real circulation
person.  That conversation would be interesting to hear.

     Bulova says that this will work with magazines and trade publications, as
well.  He advocates an entire string of such gifts.

=======
MEDICAL
=======

     Either steal real medical test-report forms from a hospital, clinic, or
laboratory or have a friend get them for you.  If this doesn't work, a trusted
printer will make some for you.  You will also need matching return-address
business envelopes to mail the reports to your mark.  Get some technical advice
from a medical textbook or a very trusted friend with a medical background,
then prepare a series of embarrassing lab reports for your mark.  This could
include positive identification of such problems as venereal disease, drug
dependence, cancer, yeast infection, or mental illness.

     The mailing of the bogus report must be coordinated with a telephone call
to the mark's spouse, employer, parents, parole officer, etc.  Doctor Milo
Weir, who helped with this idea, recommends that multiple copies of the
diognostic report copy could be sent to public-health officials, and a
drug-problem might go to the state narcotics bureau.

     If you're waiting in a doctor's examining room you will probably see all
sorts of goodies stacked around -- syringes, common drugs, medical equipment,
maybe a diploma or two.  A couple of Yippies said they used to make
appointments complaining of vague symptoms just so the could rip off goodies.
Beyond simple pilferage, the opportunity exists here for introducing additives
to various products.

     This should tickle the fancy of those true sadists among you.  It comes
from the Olde Medical Almanak of Doctor Jerrold Andurson.  He removes some of
the Preparation H from the regular container and refills that with tabasco
sauce.  Andurson guaratees that this will give your hemorrhoidal mark one of
the hottest seats she/he could feel.

     Andurson adds, "That reminds me of the observation made by the man who
caught his genitalia in a bear trap.  He said that the second worst pain in his
life came when he came to the end of the trap's chain."

     One summer, Will Gressle had the misfortune to be incarcerated in a
hospital wing run by a nurse who made Doctor Josef Mengele seem like Santa
Claus.  An easygoing sort, Gressle was driven to revenge by this nasty
Brigadier of Bedpans.  Here's what he did about it.

     "In late November I was visiting my uncle's ranch in Idaho, where he
raises a few sheep.  I got about seven pounds of farm-fresh sheep droppings and
put it carefully in an opaque, airtight plastic sack," he relates.

     "I put that in a box, wrapped it in bright Christmas paper, and stuck
little happy-face and Christmas decals all over it.  Then I wrapped all that in
heavy brown paper and mailed it to the nurse, in care of the hospital.  I put a
fake return address on the package and a few holiday stickers on the outside,
too.

     "I'm sure the parcel arrived at the hospital, where they have a little
tree in each wing and a small exchange of presents.  It is my sincere hope that
Nurse Nasty unwrapped my gift in front of a lot of nurses, doctors, and
patients.  She would finally get to the bag of sheep shit and a little note,
which read, 'Just returning a tiny little bit of what you are so fond of
dishing out in great amount,' signed, 'A Former Inmate.'"

     Considering that the major side effect of medical treatment these days is
terminal bankruptcy, it is little wonder that the medical institutions and
personnel have become the target of so much getting-even thinking.  In speaking
with people on both sides of this fight, I have concluded that there are only
limited stunts you can direct against these specific targets.  Yet the range of
regular stunts presented in a dozen other chapters of this book are as
effective against medical institutions and people as against any other subject
-- perhaps more so, given the self-held exalted status of the medical
community.

     For example, it's one thing if your mark is a contractor and suffers from
a venereal disease because of your getting even -- but think how it would work
for a doctor!  Gossip travels fast in the medical corridors.

     However, if you are thirsting for a few little goodies to toss at the
medical community, here's a mini-list of suggestions:

O     Leave dead vermin at strategic points of a particular medical facility --
 near the coffee shop, the kitchen, the emergency room, the visitor's lounge,
 etc.

O     Dressed in whites or other appropriate uniform, slip in with cafeteria or
 kitchen help and put some harmless food coloring into foods.  Or if you can
 get in to where the staff food is prepared, more powerful additives may be
 used.

O     Borrow some medical-insurance identification from a cooperative friend or
 otherwise obtain someone else's identification.  Use this to charge medical
 bills, either real or imaginary.  The point is to get bills sent to a totally
 innocent or totally unaware third party.  If it's your friend, he or she is
 part of the scam and will pretend to be outraged about the whole business.
 Either way, the medical facility is the real mark.

========
MILITARY
========

     The canard that began World War II in Europe was based on the tenets of
dirty trickery.  On 1 September 1939, a group of what appeared to be Polish
soldiers attacked a German radio station near the two countries' borders.  In
"self-defense," German units then fired upon Polish units in Danzig.

     That stunt actually started World War II.

     The so-called aggressors who attacked the German radio station were
actually inmates from German concentration camps, dressed in Polish army
uniforms, driven from Germany to the radio site near the border and injected
with the lethal drug skophedal.  The dying men were spread out in what appeared
to be a firefight scenario and riddled with bullets by German SS men.  A few
who survived told the story.  The German code name for this "military"
operation was Canned Goods.

     While serving as a guest of Uncle Sam, I had some intelligence
assignments.  There I found out that there are two types of intelligence --
military and human.  Or as Groucho Marx said, "Military intelligence is a
contradiction of terms."

     You can get arrested for falsely wearing the real uniform of the armed
forces.  That's why some tricksters don't wear an actual uniform but either
build or rent a replica that surely looks real.  That way they are free to give
speeches, shout orders, make bogus policy pronouncements, hold press
conferences, use rank, and all sorts of other bits of theater from which the
average citizen might infer that the actor really does represent the official
military.  This sort of incorrect inference could cause all sorts of
public-relations and worse problems for the military establishment.  Could this
be considered contributing to the delinquency of a major?

     Although the Yippies are a generation or so forgotten, and at least as
this is written, our army is no longer a high-profile domestic villian, someone
may still want to pull one off for old times' sake.  A Jerry Rubin trick would
be to find a somewhat deserted area of a large public recreational park.  Place
some official-looking, commercially printed signs in prominent places.  The
signs will say:

                                    WARNING

                          Army war dogs training in this
                        area.  Very Dangerous.  Keep all
                        children and pets within sight.
                        If Army dog approaches do not
                        move under any circumstances.

                            --U.S. Army. Official--

     Guess who will get blamed when frightened citizens complain to the town,
city, county, state, feds, or whoever is in charge of the park.  Guess how many
brass hats will have to visit the site, investigate, write reports, and give
explanations.

     According to Captain DeGeorge Media, things got pretty bizarre over at the
Pentagon when the intelligence boys found that OPEC intelligence agents had
broken the Pentagon ZIP code.  Hah!  Can you military agents reading this book
break the code I just used?  -- MESSAGE ENDS --

     Speaking of military-intelligence agents, I recall that especially
obnoxious recruits, second lieutenants, and other lower-order sorts could often
be sent on a fool's errand that often multiplied into more harassment than the
stunt was really worth.  If your mark caught a first sergeant with an
especially bad hangover or an ill-tempered senior officer who'd just dicovered
that his daughter was pregnant by some recruit from a Third World military unit
attached for training -- well, you get the idea.  Anyhow, you can send these
marks out to bring back a rubber flag to be flown on rainy days.  Or you can
send the idiot out to bring back the cannon report.  If you're air force, a
five-gallon drum of prop wash is an appropriate errand target -- or a bucket of
prop pitch or a box of RPMs.  The navy is good for sending someone to get
stuffing for the crow's nest, a biscuit gun for the galley, etc.  You can
always send someone to the post or ship's print shop for some dotted ink.  A
trip to the supply stores for plaid paint is fun.  The best part is that they
almost always fall for such nonsense.  I think that says something about the
military's effect on human thought processes.

     If you have access to the sound system over which Reveille is played each
morning, you might move up that magic time of day by, oh, say half an hour or
forty-five minutes -- just enough to screw things up.  The next day, make it
fifteen minutes late.  Another day, play it in the middle of the night.  Always
play it a bit louder than usual.

     In a similar sense, at one summer camp, a national guardsman switched the
Reveille record for a rock record one morning.  Another morning, recorded Rusty
Warren and her humor greeted the troops.

     Some solid general advice for getting even within the military comes from
a high-ranking and experienced military man who is now a biggie in the VFW.
You know he's qualified to give advice.

     He suggests, "The military is a blizzard of paper, paranoia, and intrigue.
A dirty trickster who understands this and can parody the system will drive a
mark to ruin.  A good primer for action is to read CATCH 22.

     "You will find an abundance of politics, ass kissing, back biting, gossip,
and reputation hunting and destroying among career military people.  It's an
absolutely fertile ground to grow dirty tricks.  A nastily clever person will
have no trouble getting even for all the petty bullshit the military inflicts
upon sensitive and logical people."

     Thinking about sensitive and logical people brought Selective Service to
mind.  When we last had a draft, during the Vietnam unpleasantness, all sorts
of young men did all sorts of bizarre things to evade it.  However, a true
dirty trickster would think in 180 degree terms -- why not invade the draft?
Simply register yourself in about three dozen locations with an equal number of
draft boards.  As far as I know, the law came down on only you if you failed to
register.  I guess I don't have to list the reasons why someone might wish to
get even with the Selective Service system or a particular board.

===============
MOTION PICTURES
===============

     Hugh Troy was a famed artist who was also a hardcore practical joker.
Once, the manager of a motion-picture theater offended Troy.  Troy went into
the same theater the next evening, after secreting several jars of huge moths
on his person.  Soon after the feature began, he released the creatures, all of
which flew directly into the beam of the projector and stayed and stayed and
stayed....

     Have you ever sat down in a darkened theater, later finding your posterior
has been parked on someone else's sticky candy bar or chewing gum from the last
show?  Did you ever go to a movie house, feel you were ripped off by the poor
feature, get up and leave well before the film is finished, and still be unable
to get a partial refund?

     Peanuts Campbell used the restroom of a local movie house, and when he
flushed the facility it backfired on him, staining his new pants and causing
other patrons to both turn up their noses and turn away their eyes in
annoyance.

     Another person was served buttered popcorn in a tub that leaked the gooey
liquid all over his date's dress.  Management refused to pay any claims.  The
patron of a stage theater had his pants torn on a potruding seat spring.  No
damages were paid, and his attorney said the amount was too small to take to
court.

     What's next?  Peanuts Campbell has an answer.

     You must have a quick, clear exit after this action.  Peanuts Campbell
used to take a container of lukewarm vegetable soup into a movie theater.  He
sat in the front row of the balcony.  He made the sounds of being sick to his
stomach -- choking, coughing, retching -- then dumped the soup on the people
below.  The same tactic also works at sporting events, public meetings --
anywhere there is a crowd below you.  But you must have a good escape plan.

     The point of all this is to have dozens of irate patrons demanding damage
settlements from the managements of the establishment.  If you don't feel
adventuresome enough to dump on your fellow customers, simply go into the
theater early and, while no one else is around, place gooey chewing gum on
random seats.  Pick seats aways form the aisle or ceiling safety lights.  You
may also use a slow-drying glue on the seats.

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