Phoenix Rising BBS/phoenixrising.zip/phoenixrising/misc/ge4.txt

Text File | 1992-09-27 | 24KB | 426 lines

==========
EXPLOSIVES
==========

     Now that the feds have outlawed fireworks, you'd better save all the M80s
you can find.  Extremely versatile devices, M80s are excellent propellants for
other substances.  For example, this stunt started out as a dorm prank at
Clapper Packer University but soon escalated into more deadly sport, which went
like this.  Put some fresh feces, the looser the bettter, into a large Baggie.
Gently break the glass on a large-wattage lightbulb, but do not disturb the
filament.  Even more gently attach the filament to the fuse of the M80.  Screw
the bulb carefully back into a ceiling socket.  Finally, move the bag of feces
up and around the light fixture.  Be certain the fuse and filament do not touch
the feces, but see that the M80 is into the substance.  Tape the bag to the
ceiling.

     Naturally, all this presupposes you have access to the mark's room or to a
room where the mark is likely to be the one who comes in and turns on the
light.  One cautionary note:  Be sure the light switch is off when you screw in
the bulb.  If it's not, you have about four seconds to avoid getting nasty
coverage from the M80's blast.  Done correctly, this is a spectacular stunt.
As the designer of this one, George Dierk adds, "You don't have to limit your
spatter substance to feces.  Paint, cheap perfume, acid, and CS gas all have
their place."

     Gun powder has a lot of uses in addition to filling up a portion of
cartridges.  If your mark has an outdoor barbecue, you could sprinkle a cup of
old-fashioned black powder around the bottom of the grill.  When the powder
ignites it will do so with a huge, whooshy flash, accompanied by a great white
cloud of smelly smoke.  I would hate to imagine the multiple effects of such a
pyrotechnical display on one of those fancy grills powdered by LP gas.  Wow!

     Don't let your imagination rest with the cookout grill.  Remember
fireplaces, wood stoves, ovens, etc.  The experts suggest you use black powder
rather than the more modern smokeless powders.  Black powder really works!

     If you can't get a regular smoke-bomb device, a smoke grenade, or
something real from the military, make your own.  According to Doctor Abraham
Hoffman, the noted chemist, you combine four parts sugar to six-parts saltpeter
(potassium nitrate).  You heat this mixture over a very low flame until it
starts to blend into a plastic substance.  When it begins to gel, remove it
from the heat and allow it to cool.  He suggests you stick a few wooden match
heads into the mass while it's still pliable.  You also add a fuse at this
point.  The smoke device is nonexplosive and nonflammable.  But a pound of this
mixture will produce enough thick smoke to cover a city block.  Watch which way
the wind blows.

     John E Warrenburger likes to mess up people's nervous systems.  One of his
favorite nonlethal tricks involving nonexplosives is a good bit of cardiac
theater.

     John says, "I bundle a few of those road flares -- the ones in the red
jackets -- together and wrap them with black plastic tape.  Connect this with
some coiled wiring to a ticking alarm clock and place it so your mark will get
the full visual and aural effect."

     Applause, applause, John.  Only God and the mark's launderer will know how
dastardly the frightening effect of the bogus bomb is on the mark's nervous
system.

=======
FILLERS
=======

     Trickster Aynesworth Belin is thrilled with the recent introduction of the
super-foam products.  These are urethane-and-resin compounds, usually in a
spray can, which billow out and expand into a mass at least thirty times the
original volume.  They harden quickly, often within five minutes.  Another
version is a two-part liquid that when mixed does even more astounding things.
One quart will give you the equal of 150 pounds of plaster.

     A gallon of super foam will make eight cubic feet of the ultrastrong
material, which is water, erosion, and corrosion proof, as well as heat and
cold resistant.  The irony is that these products have been marketed by major
corporations for various legitimate filler jobs.  They rely on advertising and
societal brainwashing to make certain the lulled citizens use the product only
for its duly intended purpose.  If there was ever a product that belongs in the
arsenal of the dirty trickster, this one is it.  I took an informal survey of
fifteen hardware stores in my area.  All had the product in stock.  Yet one
clerk told me, "Most [buyers] are young kids...got no good use in mind."

     I bet some of them have a very good use to mind.  What can I say but, "Try
it, you'll like it," even if the mark won't?


=======
FORGERY
=======

     Forgery is a fine art form, very useful to the trickster.  During World
War II, for example, the British Security Coordination often forged
letterheads, documents, and official cables to thwart Hitler's efforts in the
early dark days of 1939 through 1941.  Some of their efforts were spectacular,
especially in South America, working covertly with sympathetic American
officials, officially neutral at that time.  Some of their tactics are highly
adaptable to today's dirty trickster.  Full details are yours for the reading
in A MAN CALLED INTREPID.  Another excellent reference is THE NEW PAPER TRIP,
which will give you everything you need to know about forging to get even.


============
GARAGE SALES
============

     Ever have a garage sale?  Ever been to one?  They're incredible, and they
seem to bring out the most in worst people.  Even I, a thick-skinned, terminal
misanthrope, was awed at the gall of some people who demand to see your entire
house or who pound on your door at 6:00 A.M. to get a "head start" on a garage
sale you announced in the paper starting at 9:00 A.M.  Getting the message?

     Let's have a garage sale at your mark's residence.  Or let's have it in
your mark's name but at the neighbor's address.  List all sorts of outlandish
bargains and tell people you have guns, old china, glassware, and dozens of
inexpensive antiques.  You want obnoxious gawkers, not buyers.  Remember that!
Naturally, the mark and/or the neighbor will know nothing of this until the
first knock on the door at 6:00 A.M.

     "I used to get all sorts of odd-hour calls from home-remodeling-and-repair
salespeople at this one local company," recalls Jim Kenslogger.  "I must have
called them a half dozen times to ask that my name and number be removed from
their files.  No luck.  So I decided to change my luck.

     "I learned who their chief executive was and pulled the bogus-garage-sale
number on him, complete with newspaper ad.  Then I started calling his home at
odd hours, asking if he were the party having the garage sale.  He was really
out of sorts after about a week of this.

     "I stopped, and about ten days later I got another routine sales call from
his company.  I called right back, asked to speak to that executive, and told
him I was damn tired of being bothered by his salespeople and could he get them
to stop calling me.  He pledged he would and told me wearily, 'Buddy, I know
just how you feel.  I'll surely take care of it for you.'  I had no trouble
after that, so neither did he."

=====
GASES
=====

     A serious dirty trickster should have a supply of ammonium sulfide.  This
liquid is loads cheaper to buy than milk, booze, or gasoline.  It smells so
awful that no one, not even the most terminal of coke sniffers, can stand to be
around it once it has been brought into play.  It may be sprayed or vaporized.
Using this stuff as a base, Kurt Saxon offers a very effective formula for
making your own stinkum in his book THE POOR MAN'S JAMES BOND.  The stuff is so
potent that it should have to be registered somehow with someone.  Phew.  But
it's easy to make, and as long as it's harassing your mark's glands, what do
you care?

     A little leave-behind hostess present can be a small, uncapped bottle of
butyric acid.  Propped near the door you're closing, it will be knocked over
when the mark enters the room.  Phew.

      Crowd-dispersal devices are also good choices for the trickster's
arsenal.  These include spray cannisters, gas grenades, pens, and other
chemical-dispensing weapons.  Many of these items may be purchased over the
counter in some states.  They're generally sold under a variety of trade names
and generally contain CS gas, which is a military version of tear gas.  If you
obtain it without undue risk, MACE is an excellent choice.  Many manuals tell
you how to make your own MACE.

     You can buy many of these materials by mail order.  Check current shipping
regulations and any laws against these devices in your own area first, of
course.  One of the best mail-order companies in this business is American
Colonial Armament, P.O. Box F, Chicago Ridge, Illinois 60415.  If you are or
can appear to be a law-enforcement official you can have access to a veritable
smorgasbord of sophisticated gas weapons by getting a catalog from the F.
Morton Pitt Company, at 1444 S. San Gabriel Blvd., San Gabriel, California
91776.  Finally, if you prefer to brew up your own gases, get a copy of Kurt
Saxon's classic book THE POOR MAN'S JAMES BOND.  He tells you how to do it all
in your own kitchen workshop.  You can get his book from Atlan Formularies,
P.O. Box 438, Eureka, California 95501.

     From Elmer Bill, our gardening editor, comes the charming advice that
spray cans of Raid and other insecticides provide you with an improvised
defensive weapon.  The stuff burns the eyes badly and will fire an eight- to
ten-foot spray.

     This buffet of gaseous ideas is method only.  The rationale behind why you
would use such tactics is your own business, of course.  But at times when
people or institutions have done you dirty -- a dose or so of noxious gas may
help set the record straight for you.

========
GRAFFITI
========

     Contrary to popular belief, some people -- usually the creepy ones you
want for this stunt -- do call names and numbers found in bar restrooms.
Harvey Rankin and Festerwald Ray proved this premise in their study SCRAWL ON
THE WALL.  What you learn from them is that you should write you mark's
spouse's first name and phone number and a boldly stated sexual attraction (use
your imagination) in every restroom of every bar in town.  Biker and jock bars
are usually the best.

     As a follow-up, you can tune in your tape deck to a pop country song, call
the number yourself, and sound drunk.  If you're lucky, the mark will answer.
Tell the mark why you're calling and where you got the name and number.  It is
hoped that you'll be the only ringer among a large crowd of real callers.

     Commercial graffiti are available in a form known as billboards and
posters.  You could have posters or billboards printed to announce your mark's
coming out of the homosexual closet.  Or your bogus billboard could announce a
conservative political candidate's personal advocacy of gun control, gay
rights, blacks, Chicanos, abortion, etc.  Your political candidate may actually
support busing.  If so, you billboard for him should indicate his violent
opposition to it.  And so on.

     Bumper stickers are another form of graffiti.  You can get bogus ones
printed in the same manner as billboards and posters.   Or you can use
legitimate purposes, such as slapping strongly adhesive bumper stickers that
champion your political canidate -- mark to the painted rear-deck surfaces of
automobiles in a shopping-mall lot.  It might be fun sometime to sit around
thinking up other creatively rotten things you could do with bumper stickers to
get even with someone.

     For example, you could get bumper stickers printed that say, GAY IS
GREAT...TRY IT, and place these on the automobiles of local bikers, right
wingers, clergy, and others who feel threatened by homosexuals.  You could get
bumper stickers that say, HONK IF YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE TOO, and put them on the
autos of marks whom you feel are qualified.  BAN HANDGUNS or HUNT HUNTERS
bumper stickers go great on the property of redneck gun nuts.  Or put NRA
FOREVER! and JUST TRY TO TAKE MY GUN AWAY! on the property of the simple and
misguided wimps who really think gun control serves any useful purpose.

     Other fun bumper stickers can say things like, BEER DRINKERS GET MORE
HEAD; SUCK MY TAILPIPE; HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY; HOORAY FOR THE KKK; or
DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES.  Stickers featuring swastikas or Soviet flags can also
be used creatively.

========
HIGHWAYS
========

     An activist can have fun on the roadway, too.  Can you imagine the damage
possible if one were to substitute a road sign that read, GROSS WEIGHT 15 TONS,
for the original sign on a bridge that read GROSS LOAD 5 TONS?  One protesting
employee did this at his employer's Ohio plant and had materials shipments shut
down for eight days.

     In World War II, it was common for enemy agents on all sides to turn road
signs so as to misdirect military convoys, screwing up operations.  The same
tactic could be used today, even if your only enemy is some governmental branch
or agency.

     In the annals of highway history no one has seen the equal of the many low
points of the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, traditionally a
repository for political hacks, Mafia underlings, patronage hogtroughers, and
the terminally incompetent.  M. Harvey Shopp, a veteran political trickster,
has all sorts of suggestions for highway fun such as painting sawhorses to look
like official blockades and using them to close highways, bridges, etc.

     Another of Shopp's ideas is to produce bogus DETOUR signs and place them
at strategic locations where they will be sure to screw up highway traffic.

     The road woes of Allen McDonald illustrate the rationale behind these
moves.  Whenever the county in which he lived did road repair to the bridge
near his home, they always parked their equipment in his yard.  When county
road scrapers went by, they piled a line of debris high enough to close his
driveway.  In winter, they also closed his own freshly shoveled driveway, this
time with ice-hard snow and frozen slush.  All calls to county officials were
answered with only the uncaring and operationally impotent cluckings of the
tongue.

     "I decided to return some of the favors," McDonald said.  "I began to turn
road and other directional signs around.  I stole a couple of BRIDGE OUT signs
in another county and placed them in front of perfectly good bridges in our
county.  I once called the local radio station and announced several road
repairs that would mandate detours -- telling them I was a county road super,
of course -- which really screwed up local traffic for a couple of days.

     "The upshot is that the county got a lot of nasty calls and even more bad
media publicity, and the county commisioners agreed to investigate these
problems 'caused' by the road people.  Naturally, in the midst of all this I
also brought up my beefs about their conduct, offering to testify at the
hearings.  All abuses against my property quickly stopped.  So I stopped my
counter-abuse program."

     Check the "Joggers" section of this book to learn about the OSS tire
spikes of World War II infamy.

=====
HOMES
=====

     All sorts of things have homes -- snails, snakes, groundhogs, weasels,
Japanese beetles, even marks.  One vengeful way of getting even with a mark is
to destroy the moat to the castle of his/her home.  The idea is to hit close to
home, for both physical and the psychological destruction involved.

     One example started at the apartment of Pat Konely.  Because the landlord
refused to make needed roof repairs, seceral rainstorms flooded Konely's
apartment, damaging personal property.  The landlord also refused to pay
damages, and Konely didn't have the money to fight the landlord's attorney.

     Pat Konely admits the response wasn't very funny, but it did put a damper
on the mark's day and his own home.  It worked because the mark's front door
had one of those mail slots cut in it.  Konely says that this stunt works
wonders when the mark is not aware of what's going on until the poor drip
really gets the message.  Here's what Konely suggests.  Hook a hose, ideally
the mark's, to the outdoor faucet.  Unscrew the power nozzle so you have the
bare hose.  Carry it to the mail slot and quietly fit the bare hose end through
the slot and into the house.  Got the picture?  Good.  Konely says you just
turn on the faucet and hope the mark has slow reactions.  Most tricksters would
agree that it's hardly sporting to do this when the mark is away from home.

     "That would be like shooting puppies in a barrel," Konely snorts.  "At
least tip the barrel over and give them a running start, so to speak."

     If your mark hates cats, be sure to place dead fish in obscure and
unpleasant places around his/her abode.  Do this at night.  If you want feline
audio accompaniment, tie a large dead fish from a tree limb or pole just out of
the reach of the neighborhood cats.  The nearer to the mark's bedroom window,
the better.

     The modern epoxy glues are a miracle to many and a menace to others.  The
latter is exemplified by the exasperation of a person who's just discovered
that someone has squirted a load of strong glue into her/his door lock.
(Liquid solder works too.)

     You know all those vents in the back and top of a television set?  If you
ever pour a bunch of iron filings down in there, some interesting things will
happen to the mark's set the next time it is turned on.

     How about some party humor?  If your mark doesn't know you're getting back
at him yet, you might even find yourself a guest in the target home.  You could
start off your festivities by quieting yourself away from the crowd, locating
the family freezer, and either turning the unit down greatly, pulling the plug
(unless it's equipped with a safety signal unit), or switching it to defrost.

     A trickster by the name of Micki related how she once came bearing gifts
for the mark's family freezer.  She had matched the hostess's freezer wrapping
paper and style perfectly.  Then, nestled among the nice beef roasts, steaks,
hamburgers, and chickens belonging to the mark, Micki added her own packages of
frozen roadkill -- dead cats, small dogs, groundhogs, and crows.

     Happy eating, all you mystery-meat fans.

     While doing your tour of the targeted facilities don't forget to dump some
fierglass or insulation dust into the mark's washing machine.  It will be
picked up by the clothes, ideally undergarments.  Within half an hour of
getting dressed, a person wearing clothing impregnated by the fiberglass or
insulation dust will wish he/she weren't.  It creates terrible itching that
takes two or three days to disappear.  The best part is that no one ever thinks
to blame the rash on sabotaged clothing.  Repeated doses of this stunt are
enough to make a strong mark crumble.  A continual supply of "product" is
assured if you mix the nasty dust in with the laundry detergent.

     Every real kid knows what sulfur smells like when burned -- horribly
rotten eggs.  Once, some of my peergroup delinquents put some three pounds of
it in a nasty neighbor's furnace, after somehow gaining entry to the basement.
The house had to be aired out for nearly forty-eight hours.  It was awesome.
If you want some fireworks with your sulfur-in-the-furnace gimmick, throw in a
mixture of potassium permanganate and sugar.  It will flare, smoke grandly,
and, with the sulfur present, stink all the more.

     Here is one of Leon Specre's recipe for ill humor.  He hopes you dig it.

     Your mark (and family if there is one) is away for at least the weekend,
and you know about it enough ahead that you can hire a backhoe operator.  Also,
rent a pickup truck and tape a cardboard sign to its door with some vague
identification on it about a landscaping business.  Smear the license plate
with mud or borrow another plate for a short while.

     You should arrive at the mark's house about half an hour before the
backhoe.  Naturally, you used the mark's name when you engaged the backhoe and
you told the operator you'd have a landscape contractor (you) there to meet
him.  The neighbors should think everything is in order if you act as if you
know what you're doing.

     Don't give the backhoe operator a good look at you, and use some disguise
kit if possible.  The premise is that the mark wants to add a basement room
somewhere on the house.  You must tell the backhoe operator exactly where to
excavate.  In most suburban areas, underground utility lines are indicated with
aboveground markers.  You can pick up gas lines and water lines from the
meters.  Pick an area clear of utility lines and pipes and lay out some string
and stakes.  Do all this before your operator arrives.  Tell him your client,
the mark, wants that area excavated and to bill the mark directly.  Further,
tell him that you have to leave to pick up your foreman and crew and that
you'll be back in about twenty minutes.  Ideally, you'll never see the backhoe
operator again.

     As Frank Foge points out, "My chemistry teacher always said there'd be a
practical use for these high school science courses someday."  She was right.
Do you remember what termites look like?  Good.  If not, any insect book will
tell you.  Or visit your local Orkin man and tell him you need to obtain some
termite eggs for an experiment.  Or get them from a science-supply house.

     I bet you already know the experiment.  It's called how fast can the
little eggs hatch into hungry termites and devour the mark's house?  There's no
trick here; you just infest your mark's home with the little buggers.  They'll
do the rest.  This last one was prompted by a frustrated renter whose landlady
refused to have the cockroaches and other pests exterminated from an apartment.
A serious illness to an infant child, traced directly to the landlady's
refusal to follow sanitary laws, triggered the nasty "bugging" by the renter.

=======
HOOKERS
=======

     In many cities independent business people have set up a personal service
whose employees make housecalls.  These paid friends come in all sexes and meet
all tastes.  It might be fun to invite one of these hedonistic harlots to
"your" house.  Use the mark's name and a neighbor's address.  Try to pick the
most upright, puritan neighbor you can find to receive this sexual good
Samaritan -- a professional virgin or librarian; something on that order.

     Not all prostitutes carry the Good Housekeeping Seal; some carry venereal
diseases.  These are fairly common among streetwalkers, the bargain basement of
hookerdom.  If you or a trusted friend in law enforcement, medicine, or social
service can locate one of these carnal carriers and your mark has a weakness
for ladies, hire her and let her pick up your mark.  Nature, as they say, will
take care of the rest.

     I'm certain your vengeful imagination will have no trouble matching a
deserving mark with a paid friend who might give him/her more than bargained
for.  I know a couple of people who set up a cop this way.  The cop was
especially hypocritical and nasty about honest working girls:  He'd fully and
freely sample the services before busting and totally prosecuting the servicer.
He got his, so to speak.

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