Phoenix Rising BBS/phoenixrising.zip/phoenixrising/humor/andyr.arj/ANDYR.TXT

Text File | 1990-11-13 | 6KB | 141 lines

                       Vuarnet International Presents...


==  A FEW MINUTES WITH ANDY ROONEY by Frank Walters, T.A.C.O. BELL BBS

...did'ja ever notice---those bulletin boards that go wee-wah.. wee-wah..
wee-wah.. when you connect?  That really annoys me.  I wish all modems
went weeeeeh like mine. Half the time they don't even connect anyway.

...did'ja ever notice---those bulletin boards that don't do anything when
you connect?  They make you hit RETURN a bunch of times before anything
happens.  That's a pain in the neck.  Nobody answers a telephone that way,
they always say 'hello?' or something like that.  Why don't all bulletin
boards say something like 'hello' when they connect, and not make you hit
a bunch of keys before they say anything?  It doesn't seem polite to me.
I don't like to call them back, I'd rather call a friendlier place, one
that answers the phone and says something.

...speaking of answer, did'ja ever see those bulletin boards that just
send out a bunch of garbage like a foreign language and make you hit
RETURN before you can understand? We're in America and I think bulletin
boards should speak English and not some foreign language.  I think it's
just sloppy programmers that can't figure out what language the caller is
going to use.  The modem uses the right language, why not ask the modem
instead of the caller?

...ya know what really bothers me?  Did'ja ever see those messages that
you try to read and at the end of the message there are about 33 carriage
returns and the whole thing scrolls off the screen before you can read
it?  I think there ought to be some kind of law or something that
everybody who writes messages would have to read their own message and if
they don't understand it then they would have to delete it.

...did'ja ever see---those silly twirling cursors on some bulletin
boards?  Did'ja ever capture for a long time and see how much extra
garbage goes into the buffer just from those silly cursors?  Even worse,
did'ja ever try printing them?  Twirling cursors really bug me.  There
oughta be some kind of law that only allowed twirling cursors with the
expressed permission of the caller.

...did'ja ever notice---those cutesy menus that give you no idea what
anything is?  I mean, why can't all bulletin boards use 'G' for Goodbye?
I've seen Off, Quit, Land, Terminate, and even Bye. Why does every sysop
complain about dropped carrier and then make it so hard to log off?  There
ought to be a law that certain commands are sacred and can't be touched:
Download, Upload, Time, Messages and Goodbye!  Even those Ataris use Yell
instead of Chat.

...did'ja ever notice---those people who write long messages that are
continued on the next message? Did'ja ever notice after reading all those
words that you have no idea what they were talking about? I never read any
messages that are continued anymore. People who write those messages don't
have anything important to say, they just like to see their words on the
screen or maybe just like the typing practice.

...did'ja ever download---a big long file from a long-distance board and
the file didn't run? I like to have my friends call the long-distance
board and download the long files and then give them to me only if they
work. I wish I had more friends.  I wish I could be allowed to erase those
bad files from the sysop's disk so other people wouldn't have the same
problem.










...doesn't it bother you---that some bulletin boards change the file names
so you don't recognize the download list and you download all the same
files as last week but with different names? Maybe the sysop does that
'cause nobody uploads and it makes everybody think he has a lot of
different files.  I always wondered about that.  Maybe somebody uploads
them that way so the sysop will think he is getting something new and lets
the caller have 'blackbeard privileges' or something.

...'handles' are a pain in the neck. I never could think of a good handle
and am embarrassed whenever I log-on a new bulletin board and the last
question is 'What is your REAL NAME?'.  I never know what to say because I
already used my real name. Should I make up a real name different from the
one I used at the beginning?  One board I logged on asked for my real name
first.  I thought that would be easy so when it asked for my 'Handle' I
just answered: NONE.  I left 2 messages from:NONE and it kept asking:
'NONE, what is your command?'  Then when I logged off, it said 'Thank you
for calling NONE'. I felt real foolish. I don't like bulletin boards that
make me feel foolish. I usually don't call back.  I never could leave
E-mail on those boards because I never could figure out who to send the
mail to.

...did'ja ever notice---the sysops that complain the most about callers
disconnecting are the ones that have boards that disconnect from you for
no reason?  Really!  Is it polite to tell me after I fill out a long
questionnaire that I have 9 minutes remaining and then while I am trying
to find out where everything is located, I see a message that says 'Time
expired, disconnecting and it hangs up?  Then the next time I call back I
have a nasty note from the sysop that says I let my time run out.  That
really bugs me. I didn't set the time limit, he did.  I didn't disconnect,
his board did. Why is he so mad at me?

...I could probably run a bulletin board better than most of these sysops
and maybe I will some day. It's probably pretty easy.  All I need is a BBS
program and a couple of extra disk drives, make up my own rules and post
messages around that I am open for business. What's so hard about that?
Some of these guys think they are some kind of a god or something.

That's all the time I have for now. I wish I had more time, you never seem
to have enough time for all you want to.............................