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1995-10-06
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872b
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28 lines
TOP TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT BEING A FOURTH-PLACE NETWORK
10. People can't say your show sucks, because they haven't seen it
9. Can address all your viewers by name
8. Once "TV Guide" decides to stop listing your shows, the magazine is lighter
and easier to carry
7. Heartwarming feeling when canned goods arrive from local grade schools
6. Get to use inspiring chant: "We're #4!" (Cheerleaders enter)
5. Fourth ain't so bad -- I mean, imagine you're the fourth handsomest guy in
the world -- you'd be pretty damn handsome!
4. Don't get that paranoid feeling that people are watching you
3. New slogan: "If networks were Beatles, we'd be Ringo!"
2. Andy Rooney gets a lot of sympathy sex
1. You have reached maximum sucking potential
Letterman, Wednesday, September 20, 1995
) 1995 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated. All Rights Reserved