HaCKeRz KrOnIcKLeZ 3/HaCKeRz_KrOnIcKLeZ.iso/drugs/oracle

Text File | 1996-05-06 | 4KB | 94 lines

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> O mighty Oracle, endowed with the wisdom of the Universe and one
> _really_ nasty babe for a main squeeze,
>
> Why do people think legalizing drugs is The Answer? I thought The
> Answer was 42.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The great and mighty Oracle has deigned to give you an answer to this
} question. You should offer thanks.
}
} Throughout time immemorial, it has been asked: What is the purpose of
} human existence?
}
} At first this was easy. The answer was food
}
} You see, back in the Paleozoooliphic, the answer to everything was
} either food or rock.
}
} What do you want? "Food" Where do you live? "Rock" Look, that guy is
} making off with your stuff, what will you do? "Rock make him food!"
}
} As you can see, conversation wasn't too stimulating, and philosophers
} were stuck with saying things like "rock is rock" and "food is not
} rock" Luckily rock candy had not been invented yet.
}
} Many years passed, vocab increased, and finally the ancient greeks got
} back around to the question. Socrates explained how the question had no
} meaning. He of course was wrong, but he was such a great pain in the
} ass that people agreed with him to shut him up. Finally, they slipped
} some hemlock in his tea, and that was that.
}
} Later, once the vocabulary had gotten all settled, the
} Romans came up with another answer, one which many of us would agree
} with today. This, of course was sex. It was later found, however, that
} sex could not be the answer. Sex was the question. Yes was the answer.
}
} This whole issue got more confused around the time of Jesus. You see,
} Jesus was convinced that Love was the answer. By this, he did not mean
} what most people think of as love, because then he could have just
} said that sex is the answer. That would lead to the problem above,
} Now, Love might be a possible alternative to sex, but the Romans
} were so upset by the idea that sex wasn't it, that they nailed Jesus
} to a couple of planks.
}
} The Roman empire fell to the barbarians, and it was back to food for
} most of the dark ages.
}
} When the Renaissance finally hit, the answer was Painting. Later on
} they decided that that was just too silly, and changed it to
} Enlightenment.
} This worked fine for the aristocracy, but, at least in France, the
} peasants revolted, and settled firmly on food again.
}
} Not too much after this, drugs spread out through western culture.
} Some people at this time suggested that drugs were the answer, but
} Opium isn't really powerful enough to blot out all other questions, so
} it was quietly shelved for a later date.
}
} At one point this century, the proposal "Coke is it" was widely
} spread, but if Coke was it, what was New Coke? It flat and too sweet?
} No, that idea was also disregarded.
}
} In the '60s, everything disregarded came back with a vengeance (except
} painting, it was still too silly) "Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll."
} The Republicans hated this (They thought the answer was Money), and
} they conspired to break the idea at its weak point; Drugs. So went the
} revisionists (who ignored the fact that George Washington grew
} Marijuana), and they outlawed drugs. Outlawing sex would have been
} nice for them, but even they realized that Republicans, at least, had
} to reproduce.
}
} In 197something, Douglas Adams decided that the answer to Life, the
} Universe and Everything was 42. Being irrational, it made it difficult
} to refute, and so was popular among young Democrats (Who had lost so
} many brain cells due to drugs that they were equally irrational), and
} science fiction fans (who were so weird that they could just accept
} it).
}
} You now see where your question fits in. Some people think that the
} solution is to legalize Drugs, and some think that the answer is 42.
} Others think it is sex, a few still believe in Coke, and food is a
} perennial favorite. Of course the true answer is there, and has been
} for a while...
}
} The answer is....
}
} Painting. Of course.
}
} You owe the Oracle a Velvet Elvis.