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1986-09-06
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IMMMMMMMMMM;
[ : SJ :
[ HMMMMMMMMMM<
_____________
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM8
3 3ì
3 A: Courting 3
3 B: Sex 3ì
3 C: Interpersonal 3ì
3 D: Social 3ì
3 E: Domestic 3ì
3 3ì
TMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM>
├∩⌡≥⌠Θετ
Thσá S╩ tend≤ t∩ expres≤ affectioε iε standarΣ ways,á verbalizinτ ì
expression≤á oµ lovσ iε ritualistiπ language, anΣ bringinτá gift≤ ì
oεá appropriatσá occasions«á Thesσ gift≤ havσá usuall∙á intrinsiπ ì
valuσá a≤á object≤á anΣá arσá t∩á bσá kep⌠á anΣá treasured«áá Thσ ì
transactiona∞á ritua∞ i≤ important, no⌠ thσ surprisσ o≥á audiencσ ì
impressioεá a≤ witΦ aε SP«á Thσ notioε oµ discussinτá philosophy, ì
religion,áá aesthetics,á o≥á ethic≤á a≤á ßá precurso≥á t∩á erotiπ ì
activitie≤á doe≤á no⌠ makσ mucΦ sensσ t∩ eithe≥ thσá S╩á malσá o≥ ì
female«á Se°á i≤ se° anΣ philosoph∙ i≤ philosophy«á Thσ notioε oµ ì
thσá "granΣá passion" i≤ likel∙ t∩ mystif∙ aε S╩á mate,á wh∩á ma∙ ì
enjo∙ thσ fantasy, bu⌠ wh∩ sooε want≤ t∩ ge⌠ oε witΦ thσ busines≤ ì
oµ living«á Fo≥ aε SJ, courtinτ i≤ somethinτ onσ doe≤ beforσ vow≤ ì
arσ taken«á Oncσ thσ bargaiε i≤ sealed, the∙ arσ prepareΣ t∩ givσ ì
priorit∙á ∩fá gettinτ aheaΣ iε business, establishinτ ß homσá anΣ ì
family,á makinτá ßá circlσ oµá friend≤á anΣá establishinτá socia∞ ì
connections«á Sexua∞á routine≤ arσ ap⌠ t∩ bσ establisheΣ earl∙ iε ì
marriagσ anΣ observeΣ throughou⌠ life« Thσ unexpecteΣ anΣ unusua∞ ì
arσ probabl∙ no⌠ ß par⌠ oµ thσ basiπ sexua∞ repertoirσ oµ thσ SJ« ì
┴á malσ S╩ may, perhaps, explorσ othe≥ relationship≤ outsidσá thσ ì
frameworδ oµ hi≤ marriage, bu⌠ onl∙ iµ particularl∙á dissatisfieΣ ì
a⌠ home.
╙σ°
Epimetheaε temperament≤ (SJs)¼á male≤ anΣ female≤ alike¼á tenΣ t∩ ì
bσ morσ solemε abou⌠ thei≥ sexua∞ activitie≤ thaε d∩ thσ SPs« Se° ì
i≤ ß morσ seriou≤ business«á Whilσ aε S╨ coulΣ usσ se° t∩á forge⌠ ì
hi≤ o≥ he≥ troubles¼ aε SJ¼ particularl∙ ß malσ SJ¼ woulΣ bσ morσ ì
likel∙á t∩ usσ se° t∩ easσ fatigue¼á wantinτ t∩ bσ comforteΣ botΦ ì
emotionall∙á anΣá physically«áá Afte≥á sexua∞á releasσá ha≤á beeε ì
obtained¼á thσá S╩ i≤ ap⌠ t∩ bσ mos⌠ solicitiou≤ oµ thσá physica∞ ì
comfor⌠ anΣ welfarσ oµ thσ other.
Whilσá othe≥ type≤ migh⌠ seσ se° a≤ ß mutuall∙ pleasinτ activity¼ ìèfroφ whicΦ botΦ male≤ anΣ female≤ benefi⌠ equally¼ thσ S╩ malσ i≤ ì
ap⌠áá t∩á expres≤á gratitudσá t∩á hi≤á partne≥á fo≥á thσáá sexua∞ ì
experience¼á communicatinτá thσ messagσ tha⌠ somethinτá ha≤á beeε ì
donσ fo≥ him¼á tha⌠ hi≤ need≤ havσ beeε served¼á tha⌠ ß favo≥ ha≤ ì
beeεá done«á Thσá possibilit∙ oµ ß matσ enjoyinτá thσá experiencσ ì
equally¼áá o≥á needinτá thσá experiencσá equally¼á i≤á no⌠á ofteε ì
conceptualizeΣá b∙á him«á ┴ femalσ S╩ i≤ likel∙ t∩ g∩ alonτá witΦ ì
thi≤ position¼á placinτ thσ sexua∞ need≤ oµ he≥ matσ ove≥ an∙ shσ ì
migh⌠á have¼á perhap≤ seeinτ se° a≤ ß wifel∙ chorσ rathe≥ thaεá ß ì
pleasure.
SJ≤ arσ ap⌠ t∩ bσ faithfu∞ t∩ thei≥ marriagσ vows« Male≤ ma∙ havσ ì
sowεá thei≥ wilΣ oat≤ beforσ marrying¼á bu⌠ afte≥á matinτá becomσ ì
morσá interesteΣ iε establishinτ ß homσ anΣ ß famil∙ anΣ devotinτ ì
thei≥ maiε energie≤ t∩ thei≥ jobs«á Femalσ SJ≤ probabl∙ havσá haΣ ì
onl∙ limiteΣ sexua∞ experiencσ beforσ marriage¼ eveε iε aε agσ oµ ì
sexua∞ freedom«á Iµ sucΦ i≤ no⌠ thσ case¼á i⌠ i≤ likel∙ tha⌠ pee≥ ì
pressure≤á leΣ thσ femalσ int∩ sexua∞ exploration≤ becausσ i⌠ wa≤ ì
thσ "thinτ t∩ do,ó becausσ i⌠ wa≤ "embarrassinτ t∩ bσ ßá 20-year-ì
old-virgin."
S╩á male≤ anΣ female≤ botΦ ma∙ vie≈ se° a≤ ß servicσ whicΦ i≤á t∩ ì
bσá delivereΣ b∙ thσ female¼á performeΣ dutifull∙ anΣ oε request¼ ì
presumabl∙ iε returε fo≥ socia∞ anΣ economiπ security«á The∙á arσ ì
no⌠ likel∙ t∩ experimen⌠ iε sexua∞ approaches« Thσ tried-and-trueä ì
timσ anΣ placσ i≤ usuall∙ thσ sexua∞ modσ fo≥ thσ S╩ mate« Thσ S╩ ì
malσá i≤ likel∙ t∩ expres≤ concerε fo≥ hi≤ partner¼á bu⌠á neithe≥ ì
malσ no≥ femalσ S╩ ma∙ believσ tha⌠ femalσ orgasφ i≤ ß requisite« ì
Alway≤á therσá i≤á tha⌠á unexpresseΣ attitudσá tha⌠á "nicσá girl≤ ì
don't.óá A⌠ thσ samσ time¼á wheε S╩ male≤ arσ iεá socia∞á contac⌠ ì
witΦá othe≥ male≤ (anΣ selecteΣ females⌐ -fo≥ examplσ a⌠á convenì
tions¼á huntinτ trips¼á anΣ smoker≤ -thσ S╩ malσ caε equa∞ thσ S╨ ì
iεá hi≤á commanΣ oµ viviΣ languagσ anΣ hi≤ repertoirσá oµá sexua∞ ì
jokes«á Femalσ SJ≤ arσ not¼ whethe≥ witΦ male≤ o≥ females¼ ap⌠ t∩ ì
discus≤ thei≥ sexua∞ experiences«á Se° i≤ clearl∙ understooΣ a≤ ß ì
mean≤ oµ reproductioε rathe≥ thaε mainl∙ a≤ ß forφ oµ recreation¼ ì
anΣ botΦ malσ anΣ femalσ SJ≤ ma∙ reflec⌠ thσ attitudσ tha⌠ havinτ ì
children¼á wh∩á wil∞ brinτ jo∙ anΣ comfor⌠ anΣ wh∩ wil∞á continuσ ì
thσá famil∙á line¼á i≤ expecteΣ anΣ desirable«á Se° generall∙á i≤ ì
somethinτ onσ doe≤ a⌠ night¼á iε thσ bedroom¼á a≤ quietl∙ a≤ posì
sible«á AlthougΦá thi≤á i≤ les≤ truσ iεá ou≥á so-calleΣá sexuall∙ ì
liberateΣ age¼á thσ vie≈ oµ se° a≤ recreatioε i≤ no⌠ ß perceptioε ì
ordinaril∙ helΣ b∙ mos⌠ SJs.
╔ε⌠σ≥≡σ≥≤∩εß∞
S╩á mate≤á ma∙ havσ somσ difficult∙ understandinτá thσá emotiona∞ ì
need≤á oµá othe≥á types¼á particularl∙ thσá NF≤á anΣá NTs¼á wherσ ì
transaction≤á outsidσá thσá bedrooφ looφ vita∞á a≤á precurso≥á t∩ ì
sexua∞á response«á Aε S╩ coulΣ givσ wa∙ t∩ ß tempe≥á tantrum¼á t∩ ì
bitinτ sarcasm¼ scolding¼ criticizing¼ thσ work≤ -anΣ theε expec⌠ ì
ßá matσ t∩ separatσ thesσ behavior≤ froφ thσ sexua∞ relationship« ì
Hσ o≥ shσ ma∙ no⌠ understanΣ thσ possiblσ impac⌠ oε se° whicΦá i≤ ìèclea≥ t∩ othe≥ types«á Thi≤ matσ believe≤ that¼á a≤ lonτ a≤ hσ o≥ ì
shσá care≤ fo≥ thσ spousσ anΣ take≤ thσ prope≥ responsibilit∙ fo≥ ì
thσ spouse'≤ healtΦ anΣ welfare¼ thσ constructivσ "lessonsó whicΦ ì
hσá o≥á shσá offer≤ t∩ correc⌠ thσ matσ shoulΣá no⌠á inhibi⌠á thσ ì
other'≤ affection.
╙∩πΘß∞
Timσá i≤á ap⌠á t∩á bσá structureΣ b∙á thσá S╩á arounΣá productivσ ì
activities¼ whicΦ havσ ß clearly-defineΣ tasδ a≤ thσ foca∞ point« ì
Wastinτ timσ iε frivolit∙ tend≤ t∩ bσ difficul⌠ fo≥ thσá SJ«á Fo≥ ì
example¼á readinτá ßá newspape≥ i≤ ap⌠ t∩ havσ morσá appea∞á thaε ì
woulΣ readinτ novels«á SJ≤ valuσ timσ a≤ ß thinτ t∩ bσ used¼á no⌠ ì
t∩ bσ wasted«á The∙ tenΣ t∩ bσ punctua∞ anΣ expec⌠ thei≥ mate≤ t∩ ì
bσ also╗á the∙ likσ t∩ makσ anΣ kee≡ schedule≤ fo≥ themselve≤ anΣ ì
sometime≤ eveε thei≥ mate≤ anΣ children« Thσ S╩ matσ want≤ socia∞ ì
event≤ t∩ proceeΣ iε ß preplanned¼á orderl∙ manner¼ witΦ pleasan⌠ ì
bu⌠á no⌠á uproariou≤ hilarity«á Generally¼á S╩ mate≤ d∩ no⌠á minΣ ì
member≤á oµá thei≥ famil∙ (anΣ others⌐ makinτá demand≤á oεá thei≥ ì
time¼ a≤ lonτ a≤ thσ demanΣ i≤ fo≥ sensiblσ reasons.
A≤á mates¼á SJ≤ seldoφ complaiε oµ boredom«á The∙ arσ conten⌠á t∩ ì
livσá oε aε eveε keel¼á anΣ arσ happ∙ keepinτ withiεá establisheΣ ì
routines«á The∙ ma∙ enjo∙ eatinτ ou⌠ a⌠ thσ samσ restaurant¼ say¼ ì
ever∙á Frida∙á evening«á The∙á ma∙ bσ willinτ t∩ visi⌠á thσá samσ ì
vacatioε spo⌠ yea≥ afte≥ year¼á performinτ thσ samσá recreationa∞ ì
activitie≤ witΦ thσ samσ peoplσ iε thσ samσ place.
Thσá S╩ matσ i≤ ap⌠ t∩ communicatσ aε attitudσ oµá nurturancσá a≤ ì
wel∞á a≤á aεá attitudσá oµ beinτ critical«á Iεá thσá languagσá oµ ì
Transactiona∞á Analysis¼á the∙á comσ froφ botΦ thσá Critica∞á anΣ ì
Nurturinτ paren⌠ eg∩ states«á Fo≥ thσ S╩ mate¼ carinτ fo≥ matσ o≥ ì
childreεá mean≤ havinτ thσ responsibilit∙ t∩ seσ t∩ i⌠á tha⌠á thσ ì
othe≥á know≤á thσ Righ⌠ thinτ t∩ d∩ anΣ thσ Righ⌠ Wa∙ t∩á d∩á it¼ ì
whicΦáá mean≤á thσá way≤á learneΣá froφá parent≤á anΣá tradition« ì
Spontaneit∙á iεá thσ S╩ tend≤ t∩á bσá suppressed¼á althougΦá wheε ì
fatigueΣ o≥ unde≥ stress¼ thσ S╩ caε erup⌠ int∩ ß tempe≥ tantrum¼ ì
usσ bitinτ sarcasm¼ o≥ even¼ iε rarσ instances¼ attemp⌠ t∩ makσ ß ì
poin⌠ througΦ violence.
SJsºá neeΣá t∩á bσá oµá servicσá anΣá t∩á belonτá t∩á establisheΣ ì
institution≤ makσ theφ faithful¼á steady¼á responsible¼á reliablσ ì
mate≤á wh∩á arσá predictable¼áá loyal¼á dependable¼á anΣá usuall∙ ì
faithful«á The∙á arσá no⌠á likel∙ t∩ abandoεá thei≥á familie≤á a⌠ ì
midlifσá o≥á t∩ squande≥ lifelonτ saving≤ iεá impulsivσá spendinτ ì
sprees« The∙ makσ excellen⌠ homemakers¼ anΣ belonτ iε outstandinτ ì
supportivσá way≤ iε thσ institution≤ oµ thσ communit∙ - thσ home¼ ì
thσá church¼á thσ government¼á anΣ civiπ institution≤ -trul∙á thσ ì
pillar≤ wh∩ holΣ u≡ society.
─∩φσ≤⌠Θπè
SJ≤á ma∙á bσ possessivσ abou⌠ thei≥ famil∙á -ofteεá referrinτá t∩ ì
thei≥á wife¼á thei≥á children¼á thei≥ car¼á -anΣ possession≤á caε ì
assumσ largσ proportions¼á claiminτ mucΦ interes⌠ anΣá attention« ì
Thesσ possession≤ arσ t∩ bσ dutifull∙ serviceΣ anΣ careΣ for¼á t∩ ì
bσ helΣ anΣ cherished¼ anΣ neve≥ wasteΣ iε frivolity« SJ≤ tenΣ t∩ ì
bσá carefu∞á witΦá mone∙á anΣ arσá likel∙á t∩á budge⌠á carefully¼ ì
planninτá wel∞á fo≥ thσ future¼á a⌠ time≤ a⌠ thσ expensσ oµá mucΦ ì
sacrificσ iε thσ present«á Insurancσ policies¼á saving≤ accounts¼ ì
bonds¼á anΣ thσ likσ makσ sensσ t∩ thσ SJ¼á wh∩ understand≤ thei≥ ì
value«á Als∩á understooΣá i≤ thσ utilitariaε valuσá oµá property¼ ì
tools¼á cars¼á clothes¼á anΣá thσá like«á Possession≤á shoulΣá bσ ì
functiona∞á anΣ withou⌠ unduσ ostentation«á Good≤ shoulΣ bσá useΣ ì
up¼á worεá out¼á anΣá theεá no⌠ throwε away¼á bu⌠á donateΣá t∩á ß ì
charitablσ agency«á Wastσ not¼ wan⌠ no⌠ i≤ understooΣ anΣ honoreΣ ì
a≤ ß mott∩ b∙ thσ SJs«á Propert∙ i≤ likel∙ t∩ bσ wel∞ tendeΣá anΣ ì
thσá expectatioεá oµá SJ≤á i≤á tha⌠ thosσá arounΣá theφá wil∞á d∩ ì
likewise¼ includinτ thei≥ neighbor≤ anΣ colleague≤ a⌠ work.
Fo≥ ß femalσ SJ¼ especiall∙ onσ wh∩ i≤ introverted¼ homσ ma∙ bσ ß ì
foca∞ point¼á t∩ thσ exclusioε oµ al∞ else«á Devotioε t∩á husbanΣ ì
anΣá children¼á thσá preparatioε oµ meals¼á keepinτ ßá cleaεá anΣ ì
orderl∙á housσá ma∙ takσ al∞ he≥ timσ anΣ becomσ he≥á reasoεá fo≥ ì
living«á A⌠ midlife¼á wheε thσ childreε havσ lef⌠ home¼á thi≤ caε ì
occasioεá ß majo≥ crisis«á Fo≥ thσ malσ SJ¼á retiremen⌠ caε brinτ ì
abou⌠ thσ samσ trauma╗á hi≤ joΓ i≤ ofteε t∩ thσ malσ S╩ wha⌠á thσ ì
homσ anΣ famil∙ arσ t∩ thσ femalσ SJ«á BotΦ ma∙ worr∙ abou⌠ loveΣ ì
one≤á wheε the∙ arσ awa∙ froφ homσ anΣ wil∞ tenΣ t∩ makσ frequen⌠ ì
contac⌠ b∙ telephone« SJ≤ sometime≤ catastrophizσ anΣ suffe≥ witΦ ì
worr∙ abou⌠ unlikel∙ calamities.
Frequen⌠á o≥á rapiΣá change≤ iε homσ environmen⌠á o≥á ritual≤á o≥ ì
frequen⌠ change≤ iε worδ procedure≤ o≥ personne∞ arσ no⌠ welcomeΣ ì
b∙ thσ SJ«á Individua∞ deviation≤ froφ thσ traditional¼á accepteΣ ì
way≤ oµ behavinτ oε thσ par⌠ oµ famil∙ member≤ arσ no⌠ encourageΣ ì
b∙ aε S╩ parent« The∙ havσ ß surσ sensσ oµ wha⌠ i≤ GooΣ anΣ Righ⌠ ì
anΣá the∙á d∩á no⌠á hesitatσ t∩ imposσ thi≤ oεá thei≥á mate≤á anΣ ì
children«á Iε truth¼á thσ S╩ see≤ thi≤ impositioε oµ standard≤ a≤ ì
hi≤ duty« Hσ require≤ thing≤ anΣ people¼ procedure≤ anΣ products¼ ì
t∩á bσá consisten⌠á anΣ stable¼á appropriatel∙á iεá harmon∙á witΦ ì
traditiona∞ ways.
Thσ pas⌠ ha≤ ß stronτ pres≤ fo≥ SJs«á The∙ havσ ß sensσ oµ famil∙ ì
history,á anΣ valuσ storie≤ anΣ informatioε abou⌠ thei≥ families« ì
The∙á tenΣá t∩á entertaiε relatives, t∩ kee≡ iεá toucΦá witΦá thσ ì
extendeΣ famil∙ circle, t∩ hono≥ thσ traditiona∞ ritual≤ sucΦá a≤ ì
thσáá Thanksgivinτá turke∙á anΣá Easte≥á dinner«áá Church-relateΣ ì
activitie≤á ma∙á ofteεá occup∙á thσá SJ'≤á freσá time,á a≤á migh⌠ ì
community-based,áá organizeΣá activities,á botΦá charitablσáá anΣ ì
social«á Aεá S╩ matσ i≤ likel∙ t∩ belonτ t∩ thσá organizeΣá civiπ ì
group≤á oµá thσ community, anΣ probabl∙ bσ knowledgeablσá oµá thσ ì
statu≤ heirarch∙ anΣ peckinτ order≤ iε thosσ groups.