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                                                                                SOCIETY, Page 49

Teaching Young Fathers the Ropes


Long neglected and stigmatized, unwed dads learn how to cope
with kids -- and life

By SOPHFRONIA SCOTT GREGORY


    Two years ago, Paul Smalley found himself getting sucked
into a stereotype. At 21 he returned home from military prison
a frustrated, unemployed young black man who also happened to be
a brand-new unmarried father. His son and namesake was already
four months old, and Smalley was so unfamiliar with his new role
that he thought he could not touch the baby without permission.
"I was asking if I could pick him up," he says. "I just didn't
feel like a father."

    Smalley worried because he could see a familiar pattern
forming, born of his shame over not being able to support his
child, the feeling of inadequacy and the strain on his
relationship with the baby's mother. He resisted joining the
ranks of young black fathers who cut out on their kids because
they will not face the pressures of parenthood, but he could not
see how to break the cycle -- until he learned from a friend
about the Responsive Fathers Program at the Philadelphia
Children's Network.

    While social-assistance programs have long been available
to teenage mothers, little effort has gone into helping young
fathers. The Responsive Fathers Program is one of a growing
number of groups across the U.S. seeking to fill the vacuum. The
programs try to help young unmarried men become better fathers,
providers and mates through counseling services, particularly
assistance in a job search. The 61 participants in the
Philadelphia program, who range in age from 16 to 26, meet in
group sessions once a week and discuss child rearing,
self-esteem, male-female relationships and the job market. "The
program helped me to open up," says Smalley. "It gave me the
drive to want to do things. I've learned how anger affects my
child and about how he needs both parents."

    Fathers come to the program either by referral from a
hospital, community center or probation office or, like Smalley,
by word of mouth from a friend. Thomas J. Henry, 47, the
program's director, says that many young fathers just need help
cutting through the bureaucracy: filling out forms, standing in
the correct lines for public assistance and dealing with
unresponsive bureaucrats. "This system encourages fathers not
to be there," he says. "You have many fathers declared absent
when they are actually present. People think they're just making
babies and don't have any feelings attached to that act.
Everyone says, `We want you to be a responsible father,' but we
give them nothing to be responsible with."

    The Responsive Fathers Program is part of a study being
conducted by Public/Private Ventures, a nonprofit public-policy
research organization that focuses on youth development. Using
five other similar programs from across the country, PPV
launched the study last year to try to discover whether it could
get young unwed fathers to come forward and seek help, identify
their needs, and direct them to the services they require. The
group aims to provide information to policymakers responsible
for family welfare programs so that as they debate decisions
concerning young mothers, they will keep young fathers in mind
as well.

    "It is important for families that we begin to consider
the role of fathers," says Bernadine Watson, director of
individual and family support at PPV. "Our work has shown that
these men, even though they are young and do not have the
educational background or employment skills, are very interested
in being good parents."

    Henry believes the Philadelphia program will make a
difference because it is willing to take the three to six years
needed to "put things right" in a young man's life. Such a
philosophy and time frame contrast with government programs
offering quick-fix solutions, but Henry believes in taking a
pay-now-or-pay-later approach. His goal for the fathers is true
self-sufficiency, by training them for jobs in areas such as
printing, building maintenance and computer programming. This
is no easy trick; the program has a hard time persuading
employers to give the young men a chance. "We go along begging,
pleading to anybody to give us jobs," says Henry. The program
currently has fathers who have been on the job waiting list for
six months. Still, the dads attend the sessions, even though the
only thing Henry and his colleagues can give them is carfare
home.

    The young men say they enjoy the sessions because they can
vent their feelings of frustration, often born of their sense
that society perceives them as bad parents. The black male has
become the focal point of blame for the deterioration of the
African-American family. But in many cases such blame is
misdirected. Devon Shaw, 24, whose three children range in age
from six months to four years, was just out of high school when
his first child was born. He doesn't like the way the system
"lets you know what we're doing wrong, not what they're doing
wrong." Smalley, who now works as an animal-care technician and
goes to school at night, admits that many of his friends simply
cannot function as fathers: "Some don't even try. Some don't
care. They just turn to drugs or drug dealing as their way out."
But he stresses that there are many more who are trying to be
responsible, who want their kids to have two parents, a good
education and a safe place to live. "It's just we have so many
obstacles to becoming decent men," he says. "But it is inside
of us. It's in the black men out there."