The Best of the Bureau/The_Best_of_the_Bureau_Bureau_Development_Inc._1992.iso/dp/0063/00632.txt

Text File | 1992-08-07 | 13KB | 214 lines

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$Title{Anthology Of Shorter Works
Prince Bull: A Fairy Tale}
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$Author{Dickens, Charles}
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$Subject{prince
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Title:       Anthology Of Shorter Works
Book:        Prince Bull: A Fairy Tale
Author:      Dickens, Charles

Prince Bull: A Fairy Tale

     Once upon a time, and of course it was in the Golden Age, and I hope you
may know when that was, for I am sure I don't, though I have tried hard to
find out, there lived in a rich and fertile country, a powerful Prince whose
name was Bull.  He had gone through a great deal of fighting, in his time,
about all sorts of things, including nothing; but, had gradually settled down
to be a steady, peaceable, good-natured, corpulent, rather sleepy Prince.

     This Puissant Prince was married to a lovely Princess whose name was
Fair Freedom.  She had brought him a large fortune, and had borne him an
immense number of children, and had set them to spinning, and farming, and
engineering, and soldiering, and sailoring, and doctoring, and lawyering, and
preaching, and all kinds of trades.  The coffers of Prince Bull were full of
treasure, his cellars were crammed with delicious wines from all parts of the
world, the richest gold and silver plate that ever was seen adorned his
sideboards, his sons were strong, his daughters were handsome, and in short
you might have supposed that if there ever lived upon earth a fortunate and
happy Prince, the name of that Prince, take him for all in all, was assuredly
Prince Bull.

     But, appearances, as we all know, are not always to be trusted - far
from it; and if they had led you to this conclusion respecting Prince Bull,
they would have led you wrong as they often have led me.

     For, this good Prince had two sharp thorns in his pillow, two hard knobs
in his crown, two heavy loads on his mind, two unbridled nightmares in his
sleep, two rocks ahead in his course.  He could not by any means get servants
to suit him, and he had a tyrannical old godmother whose name was Tape.

     She was a Fairy, this Tape, and was a bright red all over.  She was
disgustingly prim and formal, and could never bend herself a hair's breadth
this way or that way, out of her naturally crooked shape.  But, she was very
potent in her wicked art.  She could stop the fastest thing in the world,
change the strongest thing into the weakest, and the most useful into the
most useless.  To do this she had only to put her cold hand upon it, and
repeat her own name, Tape.  Then it withered away.

     At the court of Prince Bull - at least I don't mean literally at his
court, because he was a very genteel Prince, and readily yielded to his
godmother when she always reserved that for his hereditary Lords and Ladies
- in the dominions of Prince Bull, among the great mass of the community who
were called in the language of that polite country the Mobs and the Snobs,
were a number of very ingenious men, who were always busy with some invention
or other, for promoting the prosperity of the Prince's subjects, and
augmenting the Prince's power.  But, whenever they submitted their models for
the Prince's approval, his godmother  stepped forward, laid her hand upon
them, and said "Tape." Hence it came to pass, that when any particularly good
discovery was made, the discoverer usually carried it off to some other
Prince, in foreign parts, who had no old godmother who said Tape.  This was
not on the whole an advantageous state of things for Prince Bull, to the best
of my understanding.

     The worst of it was, that Prince Bull had in course of years lapsed into
such a state of subjection to this unlucky godmother, that he never made any
serious effort to rid himself of her tyranny.  I have said this was the worst
of it, but there I was wrong, because there is a worse consequence still,
behind.  The Prince's numerous family became so downright sick and tired of
Tape, that when they should have helped the Prince out of the difficulties
into which that evil creature led him, they fell into a dangerous habit of
moodily keeping away from him in an impassive and indifferent manner, as
though they had quite forgotten that no harm could happen to the Prince their
father, without its inevitably affecting themselves.

     Such was the aspect of affairs at the court of Prince Bull, when this
great Prince found it necessary to go to war with Prince Bear.  He had been
for some time very doubtful of his servants, who, besides being indolent and
addicted to enriching their families at his expense, domineered over him
dreadfully; threatening to discharge themselves if they were found the least
fault with, pretending that they had done a wonderful amount of work when
they had done nothing, making the most unmeaning speeches that ever were
heard in the Prince's name, and uniformly showing themselves to be very
inefficient indeed.  Though, that some of them had excellent characters from
previous situations is not to be denied.  Well; Prince Bull called his
servants together, and said to them one and all, "Send out my army against
Prince Bear.  Clothe it, arm it, feed it, provide it with all necessaries and
contingencies, and I will pay the piper!  Do your duty by my brave troops,"
said the Prince, "and do it well, and I will pour my treasure out like water,
to defray the cost.  Who ever heard me complain of money well laid out!"
Which indeed he had reason for saying, inasmuch as he was well known to be
a truly generous and munificent Prince.

     When the servants heard those words, they sent out the army against
Prince Bear, and they set the army tailors to work, and the army provision
merchants, and the makers of guns both great and small, and the gunpowder
makers, and the makers of ball, shell, and shot; and they bought up all
manner of stores and ships, without troubling their heads about the price,
and appeared to be so busy that the good Prince rubbed his hands, and (using
a favourite expression of his), said, "It's all right!" But, while they were
thus employed, the Prince's godmother, who was a great favourite with those
servants, looked in upon them continually all day long, and, whenever she
popped in her head at the door, said, "How do you do, my children?  What are
you doing here?" "Official business, godmother." "Oho!" says this wicked
Fairy.  " - Tape!" And then the business all went wrong, whatever it was, and
the servants' heads became so addled and muddled that they thought they were
doing wonders.

     Now, this was very bad conduct on the part of the vicious old nuisance,
and she ought to have been strangled, even if she had stopped here; but, she
didn't stop here, as you shall learn.  For, a number of the Prince's
subjects, being very fond of the Prince's army who were the bravest of men,
assembled together and provided all manner of eatables and drinkables, and
books to read, and clothes to wear, and tobacco to smoke, and candles to
burn, and nailed them up in great packing-cases, and put them aboard a great
many ships, to be carried out to that brave army in the cold and inclement
country where they were fighting Prince Bear.  Then, up comes this wicked
Fairy as the ships were weighing anchor, and says, "How do you do, my
children?  What are you doing here?" - "We are going with all these comforts
to the army, godmother." - "Oho!" says she.  "A pleasant voyage, my darlings.
- Tape!" And from that time forth, those enchanted ships went sailing,
against wind and tide and rhyme and reason, round and round the world, and
whenever they touched at any port were ordered off immediately, and could
never deliver their cargoes anywhere.

     This, again, was very bad conduct on the part of the vicious old
nuisance, and she ought to have been strangled for it if she had done nothing
worse; but, she did something worse still, as you shall learn.  For, she got
astride of an official broomstick, and muttered as a spell these two
sentences, "On H