Loadstar 232/232.d81/t.southernhoro

Text File | 2022-08-26 | 5KB | 166 lines

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          SOUTHERN HOROSCOPE
         Ripped from the Web


    What's Your "Southern" Sign? Some
of us (especially Southerners) are
pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it
has become obvious that what we need
are "Southern" symbols:


OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
    Although you appear crude, you are
    actually very slick on the inside.
    Okras have tremendous influence.
    An older Okra can look back over
    his life and see the seeds of his
    influence everywhere. Stay away
    from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
    Chitlins come from humble
    backgrounds. A chitlin, however,
    can make something of himself if
    he's motivated and has lots of
    seasoning. In dealing with
    Chitlins, be careful. They can
    erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are
    best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
    You have an overwhelming
    curiosity. You're unsatisfied with
    the surface of things, and you
    feel the need to bore deep into
    the interior of everything.
    Needless to say, you are very
    intense and driven as if you had
    some inner hunger. Nobody in their
    right mind is going to marry you,
    so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
    You're the type that spends a lot
    of time on the front porch. It's a
    cinch to recognize the physical
    appearance of Moon Pies. Big and
    round are the key words here. You
    should marry anybody who you can
    get remotely interested in the
    idea. It's not going to be easy.
    This might be the year to think
    about aerobics. Or - maybe not.

POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21)
    When confronted with life's
    difficulties, possums have a
    marked tendency to withdraw and
    develop a don't-bother-me-about-it
    attitude. Sometimes you become so
    withdrawn, people actually think
    you're dead. This strategy is
    probably not psychologically
    healthy, but seems to work for
    you. One day, however, it don't
    work and you may find your
    problems actually running you
    over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21)
    Crawfish is a water sign. If you
    work in an office, you're always
    hanging around the water cooler.
    Crawfish prefer the beach to the
    mountains, the pool to the golf
    course, the bathtub to the living
    room. You tend to be not
    particularly attractive
    physically, but you have very,
    very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23)
    Collards have a genius for
    communication. They love to get in
    the "melting pot" of life and
    share their essence with the
    essence of those round them.
    Collards make good social workers,
    psychologists, and baseball
    managers. As far as your personal
    life goes, if you are Collards,
    stay away from Moon Pies. It just
    won't work. Save yourself a lot of
    heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23)
    Catfish are traditionalists in
    matters of the heart, although
    one's whiskers may cause problems
    for loved ones. You catfish are
    never easy people to understand.
    You prefer the muddy bottoms to
    the clear surface of life. Above
    all else, Catfish should stay away
    from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)
    Your highest aim is to be with
    others like yourself. You like to
    huddle together with a big crowd
    of other Grits. You love to travel
    though, so maybe you should think
    about joining a club. Where do you
    like to go? Anywhere they have
    cheese or gravy or bacon or butter
    or eggs. If you can go somewhere
    where they have all these things,
    that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
    You have a passionate desire to
    help your fellow man.
    Unfortunately, those who know you
    best - your friends and loved ones
    - may find that your personality
    is much too salty, and their
    criticism will probably affect you
    deeply because you are really much
    softer than you appear. You should
    go right ahead and marry anybody
    you want to because in a certain
    way, yours is a charmed life. On
    the road of life, you can be sure
    that people will always pull over
    and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22)
    Always invite a Butter Bean
    because Butter Beans get along
    well with everybody. You, as a
    Butter Bean, should be proud.
    You've grown on the vine of life
    and you feel at home no matter
    what the setting. You can sit next
    to anybody. However, you, too,
    shouldn't have anything to do with
    Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
    You have a tendency to develop a
    tough exterior, but you are
    actually quite gentle. A good
    evening for you? Old friends, a
    fire, some roots, fruit, worms and
    insects. You are a throwback.
    You're not concerned with today's
    fashions and trends. You're not
    concerned with anything about
    today. You're really almost
    prehistoric in your interests and
    behavior patterns. You  probably
    want to marry another Armadillo,
    but Possum is another somewhat
    kinky, mating possibility.