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Loadstar 211
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m.horror
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2022-08-26
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u<j0>
<c11>
<l0horror.fts>
<b0>
<w>
<t0>
HORRORSCOPE
The traditional Western horoscope
is based on the Zodiac. Passing years
set the frame for Oriental horoscopes.
But we at LOADSTAR have discovered
"You are when you were born."
So for our unique, patented, copy-
righted and jealously protected
HORRORSCOPE, one finds one's Sign by
one's Hour of Birth. This Hour may be
modified slightly by the phase of the
moon and the price of turnips in
Prague. We choose to ignore these
influences and just get on with the
gore.
<j0>
<w>
<t0>
MIDNIGHT: THE WITCHING HOUR
The Sign of the WITCH/WIZARD.
The WITCH is an Air Sign, because
Witches tend to be rather flighty.
Though often preoccupied with cooking,
having, as it were, too many irons in
the fire, Witches and Wizards are very
likely to be familiar with others.
<l1wizard duel.shp>
<w>
<d1>
<t1>
Witches are often good spellers.
<w>
<t3>
Some Famous Witches and Wizards:
Sabrina, Broom Hilda,
Gandalf, the Potter kid.
<w>
<t0>
TWO AM: CREATURE COMFORTS
The Sign of the CREATURE.
The CREATURE is a Water Sign,
since the lagoon can be one of their
natural habitats. Other enviroments
include the Northwest Rain Forest and
the snowy slopes of the Himalayas.
Though occassionally harried,
Creatures will often feel swamped.
While normally very shy, they enjoy
leaving their big foot prints for
gullible humans to find. Some claim
the Sign does not really exist, but
that is ridiculous. Without CREATURES,
we would have only 11 Signs of the
Horrorscope!
<l1creature.shp>
<w>
<c20>
<c3c>
<c6c>
<v1>
<d1>
<t2>
Creatures can get bogged down
in their work.
<w>
<t3>
Famous Creatures include:
Black Lagoon, Sasquatch, the Yeti.
The Kong Bros.: King, Joe, Donkey
<w>
<c45>
<c55>
<c10>
<t0>
MATCHES BETWEEN SIGNS:
When persons of the various signs form
relationships, the MATCH of their
signs will accurately predict the
nature of their bond.
AIR + WATER = BUBBLES
A BUBBLE Relationship can be very
beautiful, but extremely fragile.
<w>
<c40>
<c50>
<c11>
<t0>
FOUR AM: A STAB IN THE DARK
The Sign of the SLASHER
The SLASHER is a FIRE Sign. A
person of this sign is most likely to
be concerned with trimming the fat,
cutting to the quick, paring the
budget, cutting corners -- not to
mention cutting to the chase and/or
the bottom line.
Though often looking like everyone
else, the Slasher may have a
distinctive appearance and be very
dedicated to a departed loved one.
<l1norbert.shp>
<w>
<d1>
<t2>
Slashers make good surgeons
and bookkeepers.
<w>
<t2>
Famous Slashers:
Freddy, Jason, Norman Bates.
<w>
<c46>
<c56>
<c11>
<t0>
RELATIONSHIP MATCHES
AIR + FIRE = HOT AIR BALLOON
Relationships of the HOT AIR
BALLOON type have a tendency to drift.
Couples suffer from an uncontrollable
urge to go to Albuquerque, NM.
<w>
<c11>
<c40>
<c50>
<t0>
SIX AM: CLIMBING OUT OF THE SHEETS
The Sign of the MUMMY.
The MUMMY is an EARTH Sign, with a
habit of tracking in not a little
dirt. A strong, silent type who is
fiercely loyal, the Mummy is the kind
of person who likes to keep everything
under wraps. A Mummy's humor is rather
dry, and this Sign usually keeps
personal matters shrouded in mystery.
<l1mummy.shp>
<l0m.h2>
<s0>