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The Devil's Doorknob BBS Capture (1996-2003)
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FNORD.ZIP
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FNORD.TXT
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1991-05-24
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5KB
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73 lines
Quote from "The Illuminatus! Trilogy"
By Robert Anton Wilson, and Robert Shea
The Meaning of the FNORDS!
(thanks Merlin!)
So," Hagbard added, "I built this little gizmo, and I can travel anywhere I
want without interference. Any sighting of this craft, wheter by a radar
operator with twenty years experience or a little old lady in Perth Amboy,is
regarded by the government as a case of autosuggestion-since they know
they didn't plant it themselves. I can hover over cities, like New York, or
military installations that are Top Secret, or any place I damned well please.
Nice?""Very nice," I said."But why did you bring me up here?"
"its time for you to see the fnords," he replied. Then I woke up in bed and
it was the nex morning. I made breakfast in a pretty nasty mood, wondering
if I'd seen the fnords, (I know we all have) FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD
FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD
whatever the hell they were, in the hours he had blacked out, or if I would
see them as soon as I went out in the street. I had some pretty gruesome
ideas about them, I must admit. Creatures with three eyes and tentacles,
survivors from atlantis, who walked among us, invisible due to some form of
mind shield, and did hideous work for the Illuminati. it was unerving to
contemplate, and I finally gave in to my fears and peeked out the window,
thinking it might be better to see them from a distance first. Nothing. Just
ordinary sleepy people, heading for their buses and subways. That calmed me
a little, so I set out the toast and coffee and fetched in the New York Times
from the hallway. I turned the radio to WBAI and caught some good Vivaldi,
sat down, grabbed a piece of toast and started skimming the first page. Then
I saw the fnords. (OK GUYS HERE COMES THE TRUE MEANING OF THE FNORDS FNORD
FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS)
The feature story involved another of the endless squabbles between Russia and
and the U.S. in the UN General Assembly, and after each direct quote from
the Russian delegate I read a quite distinct "FNORD!" The second lead was
about a debate in Congress on getting the troops out of Costa Rica; every
argument presented by Senator Bacon was followed by another "FNORD!" At the
bottom of the page was a Times Depth-type study of the growing pollution
problem and the increasing use of gas maskes among New Yorkers; the most
distressing chemical facts were interpolated with more "FNORDS. "Suddenly
I saw Hagbard's eyes burning into me and heard his voice: "Your hear will
remain calm. Your adrenalin gland will remain calm. Calm, all-over calm. You
will not panic. You will look at the fnord and see it.
FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD
You will not evade it or black out. You will stay calm and face it." And
further back, way back: my first'grade teacher writing FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD
FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD FNORD on the blackboard,
while a wheel with a spiral design turned and turned on his desk, turned
and turned, and his voice droned on, IF YOU DON'T SEE THE FNORD IT CAN'T
EAT YOU, DON'T SEE THE FNORD, DON'T SEE THE FNORD......I looked back at the
paper and still saw the Fnords. This was one step beyond Pavlov, I realized.
The first conditioned reflex was to experience the panic reaction
(the activation syndrome, it's technically called) whenever encountering the
word "FNORD." The second conditioned reflex was to black out what happened,
including the word itself, and just to feel a general low-grade emergency
without knowing why. And the third step, of course, was to attribute this
anxiety to the news stories, which were bad enough in themselves anyway.
Of course, the essence of control is fear. The FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS
FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS produced a whole population
walking around in chronic low-grade energency, tormented by ulcers, dizzy
spells, nightmares, heart palpitations and all the other symptoms of too
much adrenalin. All my left wing arrogance and contempt for my countrymen
melted, and I felt genuine pity. No wonder the poor bastards belive anyting
they're told, walk through pollution and overcrowding without complaining,
watch their sons hauled off to endless wars and butchered, never protest,
never fight back, never show much happiness or eroticism or curiosity or
normal human emotion, live with perpetual tunnel vision, walk past a slum
without seeing either the human misery it contains or the potential threat it
poses to their security...then I got a hunch, and turned quickly to the
advertisements. It was as I expected: No FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS that was
part ofthe gimmick, too: only in consumption, endless consumption, could they
escape the amorphous threat of the invisible FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS
FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS FNORDS
FNORDS FNORDS...