TCE Demo 2

home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search

/ TCE Demo 2 / TCE_DEMO_CD2.iso / demo_cd_.2 / mags / maggie / maggie12.arj / maggie12.msa / DATA / HEROES.DOC / HEROES.DOC

Wrap

Text File | 1987-04-22 | 34KB | 736 lines

0660103030566 1 2page # 9[.....................................................] üWhateverHappenedtoDecentSuperheroes????Ç éThisisanincrediblyself-indulgentstory,concerningvarious peopleknowntome,butnotnecessarilyalltoeachotheratthe sametime..Certainpseudonymsareused,andthosepeoplereading itmaywellenjoyashockofrecognition,orsomethingofthe sort..Ihopetherestofyouwillenjoythestoryanyway..Iknow Idid..-CIH Ç (ChapterOne) äAmagnificentSunsetofdeepestbloodfilledtheroom,threading itswayaroundthehalfshutteredblinds,obscuringagiant shadowyformflowinginexorablyinmydirection,avoicespoke fromthedepths,, "Getyourpoundout,it'stimefortheraffle..." Ç "ButIneverwin,it'salwaysafix..."Theusualgoodhumoured comments,thisthesceneatasmallcomputerclubinaneven smallertowninCentralEngland,Fridayevening..Thisscenesadly nevertobeseenagainasalltheparticipantslivesweretobe transformed.shattered,andsomeendedbythemosthideously deformedandimprobablemeglomaniacsuper-herovillaineverto escapefromtheconfinesofanauthor'simagination.. üSTOS-MAN!!!!!!!!!!Ç Normallyharmlessenoughwithobsessiveravingsoveranobscure andnottoopowerfulBASICvariant,andnormallylefttohisown privateX-Certificatedevices,üSTOS-MANÇhasacquiredthetoolsto remake(Selectedbitsof)theWorldinhisstrangejerkyjumpy badlycolouredimage...Thenormalcrisis-managementservices,the Police,Army,MI5,KGB,MOSSAD,KateAdie,DYNO-ROD,TheTexas HomecareDIYstorechainallstandhelplessandunabletolift evenasprainedfingertohelp..Allthenormalsuperheroes, üSuperman,Spiderman,CaptAmerica,TheIncredibleHulk,Batman, FellatioManÇ,areallinretirement,orwon'tgetoutofbedfor lessthanhalfamillion..Itislefttothecheapestavailable, andcertainlythestrangestcollectionofsuperheroes.. THEWELLINGBORO'KLUBKLAN ĳ ÇOtherwiseknownas'Thoseprickswhoweardaygloanoraks..' ä(YoumayaskhowTexasHomecarecanbeclassedas'Crisis Management'-Quitesimple-Everybankholiday,theysuccessfully concentratealltheextremelysadpeoplewholiveinfamilygroups withintheirpremises,keepingthemoutofeveryoneelse'sway.. Youcouldarguetheyshouldturnagoodjobintoabrilliantjob byfillingtheirsprinklersystemswithnervegasandturning themon...Iwould..) Ç Wenowheadtothedownstairsbar,underthecarefuleyeofüJeff theBaldEagleÇ,whereanewsbulletingivesgraphicdetailofthe destructionofNewYork... üBaldEagle'sÇsuper-barmanabilitieshasaroundofdrinksserved toalltheothersuperheroesinthevicinityin3.5seconds.. Exhaustedbytheeffort,herocksbackonhisheelsbaldlygoing wherenomanhasgonebefore(Groan!) ä..........Believedthataninitialdemandforalargebagof money,ahotelroomwithafullystockedminibar,andchoiceof 'MissAmerica'contestanttosleepwithwasturneddownbythe authorities,threehourslateràSTOS-MANästruckinNewYorkwith devastatingconsequences..." ü ÇThebroadcastswitchedtoaaerialviewofNewYork,the vibrantseedymetropolistransformedintounconvincingredand blockyskyscrapersbeingslowlyeatenawaybytotallynaffo'Erase blockatco-ordinatesx,y,z'"Explosions"causedby2x2pixel stick-bombsdroppedfromverypoorlyanimatedbrightgreen8x8 pixelbiplanes,inastrictlyback-bedroonprogrammed'Blitz' game..(Sorrywasthatsentencetoolong?) Theimagegrewmoreandmoreunsteady,finallyjerkingtoastop withtheimmortalmessageonscreen"NewyoRKdetroYed,960points; yUwin.......................... AnothErGo.Y/N.." ä"TheseimagesweretakenanhouragofromtheCNNhelicopter.. ThereislittlehopeofanyonesurvivinginNewYorktonight,and theWorldmustwatchandwonderwhathappensnext...Nowoverto JeremyPaxofortherestofthedaysnewsandConcentratedEgo- massage.." "Yerrsss,Ihaveabignose...." ÇTwoofthefiguresinthebarturnedawayfromthedespairwashing fromthescreen... üTheSuperMagicomBrothersÇbringtheirmightyintelligenceinan aluminiumcasetotheclub,lockssnapopen,morepintsarepulled üSuperMagicomBrosÇareüQuaser(AKATheGreatSarcasto..)Çand üWizard(AkaSolderMan).. Ç "Mark,Ireallythinkweshouldtalkaboutthis.Didyoubuild üSTOS-MANÇthatUniversaljammerheusedinnewYorktosubvertall theTV,radio,SatelliteandCablechannels,thendestroythe place.." (Putsdownlight-bazooka) "Dave,yes,Ithoughtitwasonlygoingtobeusedforalaugh, youknow,liketheäRadioFart-NoiseÇtransmissionwedidonChannel FourwhenäBrooksideÇshouldhavebeenon...Andnobodynoticedany difference.." "That'sbecausewedidthefartswithaLiverpoolAccent..Anyway, Ithoughtthatthejammerwasharmless.." "Itwas,Ithink,untilheteamedupwithabunchofDeranged ScottishSTOSfreakswhoturnedthejammerintoaRealityDehancer ♪①whichconvertsanythingreachedbyitintoSTOSBasiclistings.. Bytheway,whathappenedtotheteamwesenttoNewYorktotry tostophim?" "YoumeanüBeigeManÇandüCaptainFishfingerÇ..WellBeigeManwas supposedtopassun-noticedinhisbeigeclothing,gettingclose enoughtobullshitSTOS-MANintoacoma,thenCaptFishfinger wouldphonethepoliceinhisbig,awkwardfashion,butBeigeMan wastooeasilyspottedastheonlyblandmaninoneofthemost interestingcitiesintheworld,andSTOS-MANcapturedthemboth.. They'rebeingheldprisonerontheSTOS-O-MATICAirship.." (Picksuppintofurinecolouredliquid,üPixieÇ,anotherofthe heroes,whomyouwillhearmoreaboutlater,isdoing unmentionablethingswithasolderingirontoaninnocentST, Nobodytellshimtostopit,theyarealltoopreoccupiedwiththe eveningsterribleevents..) Thislefttheteamwiththeunenviableproblemofwhattodonext, itwasnotaclassicclubmeeting,asseveralkeypeoplewere missing,andthedoomyatmospherekilledoffanypossibilityof enjoyment..ThenextstepwastofindoutwhereüSTOS-MANÇwould strikenext....Thesettingsunfinallyfelloffit'sperch, knowingwhatwascomingnext... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (ChapterTwo...Later...) AdarkalleyinBedford,(Habitat'DarkAlley'completewith overflowingdustbin,cat,andsinisterfigurewaitinginthehalf- shadow.)Twootherpeopleleapoutofadoorandgrabthewaiting person,mufflinghiscriesforhelpwiththeaidofalargewooden club-typeobject... "üMmmÇmmmämmmmàppÇhhh!Hellp!" üQuaserÇ(YesitishegrabsholdofüStaticBoyÇ,anotherclub regularwhowasnotthereearlier..üStaticBoyÇhasbullshitting abilitiesonlysecondtoüBeigeManÇ,andtheabilitytoarouse extremeemotionsinpeoplearoundhim(Mainlyhatred)butthose aretheextentofhissuper-powersasheiscomingoffworstin thispresentstrugglewithüQuaserÇ...Justthen,üStaticBoyÇchooses toshowoffhisnewlydevelopedSuperGoing-to-the-toilet-in-his- Trouserspowers.... "Eeeuuurrgh,youdirtylittlebastard,whydidyoudothat!" "Er,helloDave,everythingokthen?Couldn'tmakeittotheclub tonight,Iwasbusy.." AsmallpuddleformsatüStaticBoy'sÇfeet..Thispuddleniffsa bitnow,andwillsmellagreatdealworseinthemorning.. "Yes,wethinkitwassomethingtodowithüSTOS-MANÇ,andyouknow whereheisnow,don'tyou...Wellyoucantellmenoworget anotherbeating,youlittleshit.." "NoDave,don't...Ionlygavehimtheplansforthelow-quality hissyaudiosampleplayerfortheSTOS-O-MATIC,Idon'tknowwhat hewasdoingafterNewYork,Ididn'tknowabouttheDehancer, please....." "You'relying..!" AswiftkicktothesideoftheheadleavesüStaticBoyÇ slumpedunconscious..üQuaserÇexitsright... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ä 12.03am,SomewhereoverthePacific...Ç Sometimeintheafternoon,theSTOS-O-MATIChadcrossedthe WesterncoastoftheUnitedStates,slippingpastthestateofthe artAirDefenceradarsandF15Interceptorsbythesimpleuseof STOS-STEALTH,nowthedimlylitcoastlinewasafadingjewelin thememory.. Inhispaddedcabin,üSTOS-MANÇwasabletolookbackonthe previousday'sachievements..Theairshipenginesthrobbedina lowbassykey...TheysaidaSTOSDehancerwasimpossible,but withScottishSTOSpower,thisearlyimpossiblycrudeversionhad destroyedNewYork..AtthismomenttheMarkIIversionwas runningunderBetaTestandshouldbereadyintimeforJapan... Thiswoulddestroytheconsolesforever... üSTOS-MANÇstartedtorecordhisransomdemand(reasonablystated thelasttime,butlaughedoffbytheauthorities)..Whilst thinkingofincludingaselectionofseveralslim,pert-bosomed Japanesecall-girls,aslightlymuffledseriesofscreamsfrom belowremindedhimofhisprisoners..Theclubweretakingan interest,asthescreamsremindedhim..üBeigeManÇmusthavehis bullshittingmetwithextremepain..OneoftheSTOS-O-MATIC's moreusefulfeatureswasafullyequippedtorturechamber...Soon, allthelosersfromtheclubwouldbeinthere..Itwouldbea shameforüQuaserÇandüWizardÇ,perhapsitwouldbebetterifthey diedbeforethen... AKnockonthecabindoorbroughtüSTOS-MANÇrudelybackintothe immediatepresent,thedooropenedtorevealüSTOS-MAN'sÇsecond-in- commandüTrotskyCorruptionÇ... "BedtimeCupofCocoasir...Oh,andsomeofthemenarereadyfor a'Hail-STOS'parade,couldyoucomedowntothefrontcompartment sir,theywouldbeverypleasedtoseeyou.." "You'realazybastardandnomistake."GruntedüSTOS-MANÇ... "Where'smybrightgreendressuniformwithloadsofgold epaulettes..." "Hangingonthebackofthechair,say,howsoonuntilwe'do' Tokyosir??" "Classifiedinformation.."äIndistinctclothingsoundsandzips fasteninginSTOSÇ..."Right,let'sgetitoverwith..."ä Ç äAbitlater...Ç Thelastechoingcriesdyingaway,üSTOS-MAN'sÇheadjoinedthe pillowforalongandrefreshingsleep... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter3,aboutthesamesortoftime... äDaveandMark'sHouse..,theweesmallhours...ÇNorestatallfor theüSuperMagicomBrothersÇwhoareupallnightinthemiddleofa midnight-oilburningcrisissession.. ä Ç*The'midnightoil'inquestionbelongingtoPowerGen,andpaid forbymumanddad,sonoproblemsthere..*Thereissomethingof afriedfoodandfart-gaspersistentodourhanginguneasilyabout theplace,inthebackground,aPCistryingtologontooneof thejuicierBulletinBoardswithoutsuccess... "WellMark,Isuggestwegostraightforhisthroatwithno messingabout,Idefecateinthetooth-mugofdanger,Ido..." Justthen,Gareth,orüTheBlueUnderpantÇtohiscontemporaries enterstheroom..Heisjustlyfamedforhavingunderpantswhich cansafelyaccomodateanentireTrans-Himalayaexpedition,Range- Roversandall,hisentryhasaslightlyunexpectedqualityabout it,heiswildeyedandexcitedandonlyjustcoherent.. "Higuys,gotsomegreatnewdemosforyou,hearyou'recallinga generalclubmobilisationtodealwithüSTOS-ManÇ,wellcountme in.."Garethgaspedoutbreathlessly... "Ohshit,IsupposeyoutoldeveryoneaboutthismeetingMark,I betüPixieÇwillturnupinaminute..." Justthen,üPixieÇHodgescameintothesmallalready-overcrowded bedroom..üQuaserÇdesparatelypumpedoncemore,themiasmarising madeeverybody'seyeballsbleed,butnobodymoved..üPixieÇmanaged tochokeoutatwentyminutemonologuewhicheverybodyelse ignored..Theyweretoobusythrowingupandretchingontothe nearestconvenientflatsurfaceinstead... Justthen,Garethlookedcloselyatthesinistercollectionof surgicaltoolsgatheredinonecorner,focusedinonthesurgical blueprinttitled"UnderpantRobo-enhancementprocedure"and thenpanicked..Leapingforthedoor,hetwistedthehandle,only tobecaughtfullinthefacebyoneofüQuaser'Çsanaesthetic ether-methane'specials'...Gareth'sconsciousworldflickered thenwenttoblack... üQuaser,WizardÇandüPixieÇthenbundledGarethontothesuddenly appearedoperatingtablewhichwaswhereüQuaser'sÇbedusually was,shruggedtheirshouldersandthespeciallysharpenedscalpel startedseparatingGareth'slayersofskinandmuscle... ü äSomeHourslaterà.... Ç"PassthesparebuttocksDave,I'mreadytobeginclosing-upina minute...Doyouwanttostartpreliminaryconsciousness-threshold raisingandbringhimroundabit..Thisisgoingtotakealotof explanationsandwe'rebetteroffstartingassoonaspossible.." AnotherusedsurgicalscalpelädingsÇnoisilyinthebucketandthe soundsofstitchingandsolderingstart,alife-supportmachine builtoutofoldSpectrumpartsbeepsloudly,thesurgically gownedfigureofüQuaserÇtapstentativelyonthefaceplateofüROBO- UNDERPANTÇ.. WhatwasonceGarethstutteredtolife,hesawthroughagridded low-resblockystreenvagueimpressionsofshadowpeople.. "HangonaminuteGareth,let'sadjusttheresolution...There.." AstaticäfizzÇburstsandinasecond,heisabletomakeouthis surroundingsperfectly..Thecross-hairgridisstillthere,and totheleftofhisperipheralvision,severalrowsofdataand statisticsflashpastinlovelycomputer-green.. "W-whathappened,Ican'tmove...Whathaveyoudonetome???" "äWe-e-ellllÇGareth,it'slikethis,wefeltthatüTheBlue UnderpantÇcouldnotcopeonhisownwiththethreatofüSTOS-ManÇ andworlddomination,sowedecidedtoaddsomesparebottomparts thatüQuaserÇhadlyingaroundforincreasedpump-power,andencase theupperhalfofyourbodywithoverthetopridiculousarmour plating..I'msorrywecouldnotwaitforyoutobefatally woundedinthelineofduty,butthisisanemergency..." "àYouBastards....Ç" "Mark,cutthevoiceboxoff...." "üYOUABSOLUTEFUCKINGFILTHYLITTLEBASTARDS!!!!!Ç" "Mark,nowplease..." "üVszzzZZtt!"Ç ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ChapterFour-Wakeupcall....6.00am Slowlywipingthesleepfromtheireyes,theteamhadgathered togetheroutside..Inaddition,severalotherclubpeoplewere there,includingüBobthePrinterÇ,theleaderoftheüDTPGangÇ,the restoftheüDTPGangÇwhowereraringtogoandnailanystrayIMG Filestothefloor..Whenitwasexplainedthemissionwas actuallytryingtonailüSTOS-MANÇ,whohaddestroyedNewYorkon thetellylastnight,theyturnedverypaleandquiet.Oneortwo ofthemweptalittle.. AlsoüRobb-ManÇ,whohadtobringalonghisassortedinfants,these wereloadedintotheluggagespaceofthejam-packedPixiePope- Mobile..Gareth,nowüRobo-UnderpantÇstaredresentfullyateveryone else,deeplyunhappywithhisforcedmodifications.. "Doesanyoneknowwherewearegoing"spakeBobthePrinter "Ithinkit'sJapan,asatinyinsignificant40x20foot billboardposterleftontheremainsofformerNewYorksaid 'äWe'reofftokilltheConsolesforgood-LoveSTOS-MAN..'ÇJust goestoshowyoushouldwatchALLthenews,andnotjustthebits withJeremyPaxo.."RepliedWizard... ä(FormerNewYork,similartoFORMERYUGOSLAVIA!?!)Ç "Doyouthinkwe'vegottimetofindandkick-inüStaticBoyÇbefore wego?"askedeveryone... Justthen,thePixiePope-Mobileboostedtomaximumturbo-power, thescreamofhigh-poweredthrustersmakinganymoreconversation pointless.... ----BreakfastTime,twodayslater----- TheStos-O-Matic,captain'squartersasilverbreakfasttray arriveswithüTrotskyCorruptionÇclosebehindit. "Morningsir,theboyshavebeenupmostofthenightontheMark 2(STOSDehancer)They'rethinkingofcallingitäMistyÇ,üTopNotch, Eddie,ÇandüWheeetheFibbleÇarereadytogo,onlyacoupleofbugs leftnow..ItlookslikewearriveatTokyomid-morning.." "Kerrist,Ihatecheerfulpeoplethisearly,let'sseewhat'sfor breakfast,,STOS-EggsandBacon!!IstherenoREALFOODonthis damnship!!" ExpertlyduckingawayfromthebalefulglareofSTOS-Man,Trotsky rushedoutofthecompartmentyelling"He'sreallypissed-off today,SayonaraTokyo!" ----BreakfastTime,twodayslater---- JapaneseSelf-DefenceForceAirdefenceheadquarters.. AlthoughtheSTOS-O-Maticwasimmunetoradardetection,infra-red detectorshadpickedupamassiveheat-profilewhichcouldonlybe comparedtoasmallindustrialestate20,000feetup,butputting twoandtwotogetherandgettingfourthousandandseventyeight, theycorrectlydeducedthiswastheSTOS-O-Matic,about150miles outtosea,butapproachingonastraightcourseforTokyo.. Ahandgoestothealertphone,twoQuickReactionAlertF15 Eaglespowerupintheirconcreteenclosures,awaitingtheorder forOFF!-Thisfollowsscantsecondslater,andtheyroaroff downthelongconcretestrip,thecracklingturbofanroar diminishesintoemptygreymorningsilenceastheydepart.. ----BreakfastTime,twodayslater---- ThePixiePope-Mobileismakinggoodtimeandissomewhereover SiberiafastapproachingtheEasterncoast,theprevioustwodays havebeenaconcentrateddoseofhell..Therehaveonlybeena coupleofstops,oneatamotorwayservicestationnearGdansk, onlylongenoughforPixietosmokeacoupleofuncertain cigarettes,andtheothernearasmallhillinTblisifor everybodytogetoutforapiss...Inthemeantime,Pixietalks enthusiasticallyabouteverythingheknows,oftenmorethanonce, untileveryoneinthecarstartedtorepeatverbatimthestory aboutTerryPratchett's"Trial"andscreamatthesametime... Needlesstosay,nervesareonedge,whenausuallyinconspicious lightonthePixiemobiledashboardblinksfuriouslyred.. "Holdoneverybody,we'rebeingscannedbygroundradar,standby forevasivemanouvres.." Everybodytookuptheirappointedstations,Quaserletflyseveral hugefartsoutoftherearwindow,producingdensecloudsof radar-jamminggas,acoupleofRobb'ssparechildrenwerethrown outofthebacktogiveanyincomingmissilessomethingtolockon to,andeverybodyelsejustcringedonthefloorasPixie franticallyweavedtoavoidwhatturnedouttobejustan imaginaryattack.. EverybodyelsewasfocusingontheSTOS-O-MATIC... ----TheSTOS-O-MATIC,Shortlyafterthebitbefore------ TherewasapalpablesmelloffearandScottishnessontheflight deckastheincomingfighterplaneswereregistered....üTOPNOTCHÇ, visiblynervous,hoppingononefoot... "ButtheSTOS-Dehancerinit'spresentMarkII,semi-debugged versionisaone-useonlyweapon..Youuseitnow,wecan'tsetit uptoattackTokyoforanotherthreehours!!Whatarewegoingto do???" üSTOS-MANÇcontemplatedtherapidlygrowingcrisis,andseeingthe enormoustestoffaithinhisleadershippickedupthenearby half-emptywhiskybottle,drainingitdeep..Afterturningpurple andcoughingfuriouslyforabit,heuttered"LETTHESTOS-CANNONS TAKECAREOFIT,THEREAREONLYTWOOFTHEMAFTERALL!" Severaldecksbelow,arapid-beatjudderingtoldofbadpiecesof codebeingfiredatextremelyhighvelocityagainstthe attackers.. ThetwofightersapproachedrapidlyfromtheSouthwest,some fifteenmilesoutfromtheSTOS-O-MATIC,theleadaircraftstarted tolock-ononeofhisAIM-9MSidewinderAir-to-airmissiles.These beinghandilyheat-seaking,andtheSTOS-O-MATIChavingathermal signatureofamanundergoingspontaneouscombustioninafur coat.Justthen,thefirstarrivalsfromtheSTOS-Cannonsimpacted inthenosecone,aparticularlylousyplatform-gameinfiltrated itselfintotheaircraft'ssystems... Bothenginescut,theF15lurchedgroundwards,wobblinghelplessly towardsthewaitingsea...Afteraboutfiveseconds,thepilot ejectedsafely,onlytobehitbyanotherSTOS-shrapnelfragment andinstantlyturnedintoasharewaregame...ThesurvivingF15 smartlyduckedoutofrangetoreconsiderhisapproach.. ----------------------- ThebansheecheersandshoutsontheSTOS-O-MATICgavewayslowly totherealisationofanotherforeignbodyonthedetectors.. üEddie,Çfranticallyadjustedtheresolution.."It'snogoodsir, it'sstillblocky..." "Waitaminute!!"saidüSTOS-MANÇ,"Idobelievethat'sthePIXIE- MOBILE!!There'snothingelseTHATblockythatcanfly..Anyway, themassscanindicatesit'smostlymadeoutoffibreglass,andif that'snotagiveaway,Idon'tknowwhatis!!RAPIDFIRE240 DEGREESWEST!!" Pixiehadanticipatedthis,andleanedawayexpertlyfromthe incomingbarrageofineptcode..Whattookhimcompletelyby surprisewasthesecondJapaneseF15thatwasbusilyinserting itselfbackintothepicture..Nottrainedtodistinguishbetween strangebuthelpfulintruders,andjustplainbadones,heopened fire,ignoringmissiles,andmakingthepointwiththeinternal 20mmVulcanrotarycannon.... Asuddenshockingseriesofsharpjoltsandkicksonthefloorof thePixie-Mobilewasfollowedbycloudsofdensesmokeandbright sparkingflames..Theturbo-boosterfadedandstuttered...üQuaser, ÇandüWizardÇleaptonthebackofüRobo-UnderpantÇ,crawlinginside hiscapaciousundergarmentswhichdoubledupasahandyhang- glider/parachute/survivalraft.. MeanwhilePixie,thelowerhalfofhistorsosmashedbythecannon shellscrazilydrovetowardstheSTOS-O-MATICinado-or-die attempttogetonboard,ordietrying,üRobo-UnderpantÇleaptout, knickersoutstretched...Theerraticcourseofthefatallydamaged Pixie-Mobileconfusedthesensors,andgun-layingradaronthe STOS-O-MATICjustenoughtoletthePixie-Mobilecollidewithit.. -------------------------- Theresultingblastthreweveryoneontothefloor..üTrotsky CorruptionÇwithseveralnastycutstohisheadwasthefirstup, andthefirsttoconsulttheSTOS-O-MATICflightprofileread- outs.."OhShit!"wasallhehadtosay.."OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT!!!" ü'Emergency!Emergency!-Superheroesonboard!Situationcritical! ManyourBattle-stations,thisisNOT,repeatNOTadrill!!" Ç Thatwastheautomaticalarm... "Muttley,DOSOMETHING!!!"üSTOS-MANÇyelled,callingupacertain cartoonmemoryfromhischildhoodsubconscious... --------------------------- InsidetheruinedPixie-Mobile,thesurvivorsblearilycollected themselvesoffthefloor,üPixieÇhadclearlybreathedhislast, eyesfixedopen,glazed,mouthalsohangingopeninhopeful anticipationofonemoretediousandunlikelytaletodropfrom it,fixeddeadinthedriversseat.. "SothelowerhalfofhisbodywasCOMPLETELYblownaway.."Said oneoftheüDTPGangÇ,"Ithoughthewasshorterthanusual.." "Cutthechat,andlet'sgeton!"SaidüBobthePrinterÇbriskly, "Anyoneseenmylaserjet???" ------------------------- Meanwhile,therushingsoundofairroaredpasttheearsofüQuaserÇ andüWizardÇastheyapproachedtheuppersurfaceoftheSTOS-O- MATICatanimpossibleangle..ItloomedalarminglyasüGarethaka ROBO-UNDERPANTÇsmartlyturnedforaforcedlanding..Criesof "Mindoutyoupointlessberk!"wentunheardasheimpaledhimself inthesideoftheSTOS-O-MATIC..üQuaserÇandüWizardÇsatsnugly contentintheprotectivevoluminousfoldsofunderpant material... -------------------------- üRobb-ManÇcreptthroughtheruinedinterioroftheSTOS-O-MATIC recreationalarea,comingacrossthebentfiguresofüWheeethe FibbleÇandüEddie'Happening'BoyÇ..Theybothwavedagreetingin Scottish..üRobbÇthoughtforonefatalmomenthewassafeandback inCorby,andmadethemistakeofaskingforanynewgames..They openedfirewithaWalther-STOSPPKverticallyscrollingshoot-em- up..üRobbÇhitthefloorspittingblood,andhadsooncoughedup hislungsandwasdead... ---------------------------- ü TrotskyCorruption'sÇfacewasacrazymaskoftwistedanguishand despair.."It'sNOGOODsir,thestarboardengine'sBUGGERED!!The portengine'srunningonmoltenbearings...Wecan'tgoon!!" "THEENGINE'SCANNAETAKEIT!!"TheScottishSTOS-minionsjoined in... ü STOS-MANÇwaswearinghis'Extremelydispleased,asthoughaBlack Widowspiderwasgivingbirthinafavouritepairofshoes' expression.. "Surelythefailsafeswillgiveusenoughtime??Wejustneed anotherfiveminutestogetintoposition..Itakeitthedehancer wasundamagedinthecollision.." "Yessir.."GulpedüTrotsky..Ç "AndItakeitthatalleffortsareunderwaytoroundupand disposeoftheClubsurvivorsfromthePixiemobile.." "Yes,IjustpulledtheejecthandleonüBeige-manÇ,andüCapt FishfingerÇ,aswell,justincasethere'sanyideaofrescue.. They'reontheirdowntotheOceanbynow.."üTop-NotchÇsmiled.. ü Ç----------------------------- üBobÇandtherestoftheDTPGangweremakingslowprogressthrough thelongcorridorspackedwithnervousandtrigger-happySTOS- minions..üBobÇexpertlysprayedthepassagewithaquickburstof fonts,andseveralconcealedSTOS-Minionswentdown,clutching theirsidesinagony...üBobÇmotionedfortheotherstofollow.. Justthen,üWheeetheFibbleÇstooduppointingaraster-spitting lightbazookaintheirdirection,hewaswearingabeardandC&A patternedpulloverdisguise..Momentarilyconfused,thinkinghe wasoneofthem,theDTPgangdidnotevenregisterthemassive blastofcolourthatstrippedthegreyfleshfromtheirbones, puttingthemoutofthisworldforgood... -------------------------------- TheSTOS-O-MATIChobbledon,castingahugeshadowovercentral Tokyo,seeminglyheldtogetherandguidedtherebytheall- consumingwillandhatredofoneman,üSTOS-MANÇlookedabouthim... "STOS-dehancerready??" "YesSir,primedandreadytodetonate,T-Minussixtyseconds.." "Verywellthen..àPLAYMISTYFORME!!!Ç"" ---------------------------------- Downonthestreets,millionslookedup,pointingandwondering abouttheirnemesis,rememberingNewYork,manyscreamedand fainted,someranpointlessly,justthen,thebeamhit.... EightmillionindividualworldsflickeredcrazilybetweentheärealÇ realityandtheSTOS-createdworld,thegrounddisappearedand imagesofspace-shipsandbrickyinvasioncraftandpurplegorilla spritesthrobbedhotlyintheirminds,theintensityandspeed crowdedfurtheranddeeperonthem..Theinitialscreamsoffear turnedquicklyintointensescreamsofphysicalandmentalagony, grovellinginspasmsonthefloorastheverystructureofreality wasbentandmeltedinto... Thenitstopped... Therealworldoftallgleamingcorporatestructures,andcrowded commutertrains,andmassivetradesurpluses,andrawfish returned,andreassuringlystayed..AbovethemtheSTOS-O-MATIC wasbeingconsumedbyaseriesofhugeinternalexplosions.. AssorteddebrisfromthestrickencraftfellontotheCity, includingseveralthousandü'ElectSTOS-MANforWorldPresidentor else!!'Çbadges,severalcopiesofararedisk-zineü'HP-Source3'Ç, andthesourcecodeforüTopNotch'sÇequallyrarenewgame..The World'smassednewsmedianetworkswitnessedthemultiplebloomof flame-ladendestructionthatwastheSTOS-O-Maticabovethemand allgavethanksontheeveningsix-o'clockeditions...The momentarilydistractedWorldgotbacktoit'susualcycleofLife, Death,warsandskateboardingducksgatecrashingcabinet meetings.. ------------------------------------- äWhatHappened?? ÇJustasüSTOS-ManÇgavetheorderü"PLAYMISTYFORME"Çahatchgrated openandüQuaser,WizardÇ,andüRobo-UnderpantÇemerged.. ThefirstthinganybodyknewoftheirpresencewaswhenüSTOS-MANÇ yelled"Jesuswhatastink,itsmellslikearathasdiedina publiclatrinethathasn'tbeencleanedforsixmonths.."Both üQuaserÇandüRobo-UnderpantÇwereusingconcentratedpump-gas energies,thecombinedeffectwasverysimilartoanearlyand verymuchbannedSovietnervegas.. AsüSTOS-MANÇfelltwitchingandchoking,hestruckdownhardonto theDehancercontrol,activatingit..Hethencrawledawaytothe escapehatchtohisprivatequartersasbestashisradically disruptednervoussystemwouldallow... STOS-GrenadesfiredbytheScottishSTOS-Minionsbouncedoffthe armourplatingofüRobo-UnderpantÇ..MeanwhileüQuaserÇlashedout withafistfulofhot'DayZero'SuperNintendoWarezzz,catching twominionsintheface,theywentdownclutchingtheir bloodiedteeth,unabletocopeinthefaceofsharpheavy objects..üQuaserÇfollowedupwithseveralsharpkickswithhis skin-tightlycracladlegstosoftpartsoftheanatomyconcerned withsexualreproduction,andtheystayeddown,softlymoaning.. Meanwhile,üWizardÇreleasedü'Leon'TrotskyÇüCorruptionÇfromanarm- lock,lettinghimslumptothefloorsomewhatunconscious,rushed toturnofftheSTOS-Dehancer,havinggotouthistest-meterand pluggedinhissolderingirontoheatup,hewasmostannoyedwhen üGarethRoboUnderpantÇblunderedintotheconsole,doingthejob forhim,astheconsoleclatteredtothefloorinaseriesof smallexplosionsandsparks..Thesparksalsoignitedthe lingeringcloudsofpumpgas,andflamesbilloweduptowardsthe ceiling.. "Job'sdonehere,let'ssplit.."SaidüQuaserÇ.. "Hangonaminute,where'sSTOS-MAN??" -------------------------------- Aloneinhisprivatequarters,tearfullyblinkingouttheeffects ofthetoxicgas,üSTOS-MANÇwasfranticallytypingathiscomputer, whenüQuaser,WizardÇ,andüRobo-UnderpantÇentered.. "BettergiveitupChris.."SaidüWizardÇquietly.. "Yeah,wedefecatedinthetoothmugofdangeralright,andwe'll dothesametoyouifnecessary!"saidüQuaserÇlessquietly ü"Thatwon'tbenecessary!!"STOS-ManÇsneered.."Takeagoodlook atwhatisonthisscreenhere!" Headscranedtolookcloser,onthescreentherewasone unforgettablefinalmessage... àìAuthorsComputer:- îExplanatorybit:- äThe'Author'sComputer'wasusedtoaddaninterestingtwistto the3-DexplorationgameDamocles..Itwaspossibletovisitthe officesofNovagenSoftwareinthegameworldoftheErissolar systemandmanipulateittomanipulateyourenviromentand circumstances,containedwithinthecomputer..Carewasneededas onewrongmove,suchasswitchingitoffentirely,could effectivelyendthegameuniverse...GuesswhatI'vegothere!! ì îSuicideOption#1.. äTheSTOS-O-MATICisconsumedbyaseriesofmassiveinternal explosions,killingallonboard,thereareNOlastminute miraculousescapes.....SodallHappyendings....Sodthelotof you!!!! ü>Run.äÇä(enter..) ü>ok.ä ü PROCEDURECONFIRMED....RUNNING...5...4...3...2...1....!!!!!!!! (Definitely)THEEND!!!!ä(*) Ç ü (C)STOS-MAN1993-(Hahahahahahahahahha!!!etc) ä(*)ORISIT??????? ü