home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search
/ TCE Demo 2 / TCE_DEMO_CD2.iso / demo_cd_.2 / mags / diverse / scriba21.arj / scriba21 / DATA.BIN / BLONDE.DOC < prev    next >
Text File  |  1992-12-24  |  69KB  |  1,818 lines
  1. 072010303050000144002006006010000
  2. 11
  3. 2Page #1
  4. F0110000001
  5. 9[..◆.◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆.]0110
  6. éWehavegotabsolutelynothingagainstblondes...it'sjustthatthe
  7. jokescanbesoincrediblyfunnythatwewantedtoincludethem...I
  8. (Gard)tookthisfiledownfromthenetearlierthisyear,andsince
  9. thisissueofScribawasdedicatedtoblondes,well,whynotinclude
  10. it?Ihavebeendoingsomeworktomakethefilelookabitnicer,but
  11. thecontentsareexactlythesameastheoriginalversiononthenet.
  12. Havefun!!!
  13. Gard
  14. Ç
  15.  
  16. üThecompletesetofblondejokes
  17. ÇbyTroyC.Belding
  18.  
  19. äThisisthemostcompletesetofblondejokesIhaveseen.Thisisthe
  20. updatedversion,with(Ithink)allduplicationsremoved.Ifyouhavea
  21. question,requestforthejokes,duplicationtopointout,oroneyou
  22. thinkshouldbeincluded,mailhssm@menudo.uh.edu.
  23.  
  24. Thereare435jokesinthislist.391Q&Ajokes,and44storyandone
  25. linerjokes.(thisdoesnotincludemultipleanswerstothesame
  26. question.Includingthoseitisabout450jokes)
  27.  
  28. àPLEASE,IFYOUCOPYTHISOFFOFTHENET,PLEASELEAVEMYNAMEONTHE
  29. BOTTOMSOTHATIKNOWHOWMANYAREFLOATINGAROUND,ANDTHATIGETCREDIT
  30. FORTHETHREEWEEKSANDMOREISPENTONIT.
  31. THANKYOU.
  32. Ç
  33.  
  34. åDisclaimer:Thesearenotmyjokes,Ionlycompiledthem,anycomplaints
  35. shouldbepostedonrec.humor,ordirectedtowardsyourlocal
  36. congressman.
  37. TroyC.Belding
  38. Ç
  39. 10/27/92
  40.  
  41. üTheCompleteSetOfBlondeJokes
  42. -----------------------------------
  43. Ç
  44. Q:Howdoblondebraincellsdie?
  45. A:Alone.
  46.  
  47. Q:Howdoyoubrainwashablonde?
  48. A:Giveheradoucheandshakeherupsidedown.
  49.  
  50. Q:Howdoyouchangeablonde'smind?
  51. A1:Blowinherear.
  52. A2:Buyheranotherbeer.
  53.  
  54. Q:Howdoyoumeasureablonde'sintelligence?
  55. A:Stickatirepressuregaugeinherear!
  56.  
  57. Q:Howdoyougetablondepregnant?
  58. A:Comeinhershoesandletthefliesdotherest.
  59.  
  60. Q:Howdoyougetablondetomarryyou?
  61. A:Tellhershe'spregnant.
  62.  
  63. Q:Whatwillsheaskyou?
  64. A:"Isitmine?"
  65.  
  66. ÇQ:Howdoesablondekillafish?
  67. A:Shedrownsit.
  68.  
  69. Q:AblondgoingtoLondononaplane,howcanyousteal
  70. herwindowseat?
  71. A:TellhertheseatsthataregoingtoLondonare
  72. allinthemiddlerow.
  73.  
  74. Q:Howdoyouamuseablondeforhours?
  75. A:Write'Pleaseturnover'onbothsidesofapieceofpaper
  76.  
  77. Q:Howdoesablondeholdherliquor?
  78. A:Bytheears.
  79.  
  80. Q:Howdoesablondemoonwalk?
  81. A:Shepullsdownherpantiesandslidesherassalongthefloor!
  82.  
  83. Q:Whyareonly2%ofblondestouch-typists?
  84. A:Therestarehunt'npeckers.
  85.  
  86. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondmother-in-law?
  87. A:Anairbag.
  88.  
  89. Q:Whyareblonde'scoffinsY-shaped?
  90. A:Becauseassoonastheyareontheirbacks,theirlegsopen.
  91.  
  92. Q:Whyshouldyounevertakeablondeoutforcoffee?
  93. A:It'stoohardtore-trainthem.
  94.  
  95. Q:Whatdoblondesdoforforeplay?
  96. A:Removetheirunderwear.
  97.  
  98. Q:Whatdoblondeswearbehindtheirearstoattractmen.
  99. A:Theirheels.
  100.  
  101. Q:What'sthematingcalloftheblonde?
  102. A:"I'müsoooÇdrunk!"
  103.  
  104. Q:Whatisthematingcalloftheuglyblonde?
  105. A:(Screaming)"Isaid:I'mdrunk!"
  106.  
  107. Q:What'sthematingcallofthebrunette?
  108. A:"Alltheblondeshavegonehome!"
  109.  
  110. Q:What'sabrunette'smatingcall?
  111. A:Hasthatblondegoneyet?
  112.  
  113. Q:Whatisthebrunette'smatingcall?
  114. A:Whenisthatblondbitchgoingtoleave!?
  115.  
  116. Q:What'sthematingcalloftheredhead?
  117. A:"Next!"
  118.  
  119. Q:Whydon'tblondeshaveelevatorjobs?
  120. A:Theydon'tknowtheroute.
  121.  
  122. Q:Whydoblondesworksevendaysaweek?
  123. A:Soyoudon'thavetoretrainthemonMonday.
  124.  
  125. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandanironingboard?
  126. ÇA:It'sdifficulttoopenthelegsofanironingboard.
  127.  
  128. Q:Whatisforeplayforablonde?
  129. A:Thirtyminutesofbegging.
  130.  
  131. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandabroomcloset?
  132. A:Onlytwomenfitinsideabroomclosetatonce.
  133.  
  134. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandaphonebooth?
  135. A1:Youneedaquartertousethephone.
  136. A2:Onlyonepersoncanusethephoneatonce.
  137.  
  138. Q:WhatdoestheBermudaTriangleandblondeshaveincommon?
  139. A:They'vebothswallowedalotofsemen.
  140.  
  141. Q:Whatdidtheblondesaywhensheknockedoverthepriceless
  142. Mingvase?
  143. A"It'sOKDaddy,I'mnothurt."
  144.  
  145. Q:Howdoesablondecommitsuicide?
  146. A:Shegathersherclothesintoapileandjumpsoff.
  147.  
  148. Q:Howdoyouplantdope?
  149. A:Buryablonde.
  150.  
  151. Q:Whydidgodgiveblonds2%morebrainsthanhorses?
  152. A:Becausehedidn'twantthemshittinginthestreets
  153.           duringparades.
  154.  
  155. Q:Howdoyougetaone-armedblondeoutofatree?
  156. A:Wavetoher.
  157.  
  158. Q:Howdoesablondemeasurehis/herIQ?
  159. A:Withatiregauge!(dadadum)
  160.  
  161. Q:Howdoestheblondturnonthelightaftershe
  162. hashadsex?
  163. A:Sheopensthecardoor.
  164.  
  165. Q:Howdoesablondegetpregnant?
  166. A:AndIthoughtblondesweredumb!
  167.  
  168. Q:Howdoesablondeparttheirhair?
  169. A1:(Actionofscissoringlegsapart)
  170. A2:Bydoingthesplits.
  171.  
  172. Q:Howdoyougetablondeseyestotwinkle?
  173. A:Shineatorchinherears.
  174.  
  175. Q:Howdoyoutellwhenablondereachesorgasm?
  176. A1:Shedropshernail-file!
  177. A2:Whocares?
  178. A3:Shesays,"Next".
  179. A4:Thenextpersoninthequeuetapsyouontheshoulder.
  180. A5:He'shadhisclothesforabout2minutes.
  181. A6:Imean,whoreallycares?
  182. A7:Thebatterieshaverunout.
  183.  
  184. Q:Howdoyoumakeablonde'seyeslightup?
  185. A:Shineaflashlightintheirear.
  186. Ç
  187. Q:Whydoblondeswearshoulderpads?
  188. A:(Witharockingoftheheadfromsidetoside)Idunno!
  189.  
  190. Q:Howdoyoukillablonde?
  191. A:Putspikesintheirshoulderpads.
  192.  
  193. Q:Howdoblondespiercetheirears?
  194. A:Theyputtacksintheirshoulderpads.
  195.  
  196. Q:Howdoesablondelikehereggs?
  197. A:Unfertilized.
  198.  
  199. Q:Howdoyoudrownablond?
  200. A1:Putamirroratthebottomofthepool.
  201. A2:Don'ttellhertoswallow.
  202. A3:Leaveascratchandsniffatthebottomofthepool.
  203.  
  204. Q:Howdoyoutellifablondedidyourlandscaping?
  205. A:Thebushesaredarkerthantherestoftheyard.
  206.  
  207. Q:Howdoesablondehigh-5?
  208. A:Shesmacksherselfintheforehead.
  209.  
  210. Q:Howdoyoudescribeablonde,surroundedbydrooling
  211. idiots?
  212. A:Flattered.
  213.  
  214. Q:WhatdoyoucallablondewithESPandPMS?
  215. A:Aknow-it-allbitch.
  216.  
  217. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenacounterfeitdollaranda
  218. skinnyblonde?
  219. A:One'saphonybuck.
  220.  
  221. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenachoruslineofblondesand
  222. amagician?
  223. A:Amagicianhasacunningarrayofstunts.
  224.  
  225. Q:Whatisthebestblondesecretaryintheworldtohave?
  226. A:Onethatnevermissesaperiod.
  227.  
  228. Q:Whatdoesablondethinkaninnuendois?
  229. A:AnItaliansuppository.
  230.  
  231. Q:Whydoesn'tablondesgutsfalloutofhertwatwhen
  232.           shestands?
  233. A:Becausethevaccuminherheadkeepstheminplace.
  234.  
  235. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenhavingsexwithablondeand
  236. eatingJell-o?
  237. A:Jell-owiggleswhenyoueatit.
  238.  
  239. Q:Whatdoyougetwhenyoucrossablondeandalawyer?
  240. A1:Idon'tknow,therearesomethingsevenablondewon'tdo.
  241. A2:Somethingthatwhenitgivesyouablowjob,itwon't
  242. stopuntilitgetsblood.
  243.  
  244. Q:Whywastheblondewearinghersunglasses?
  245. A:Shewashavingsunnyperiods.
  246. Ç
  247. Q:Whattwothingsintheaircangetablondepregnant?
  248. A:Herfeet!
  249.  
  250. Q:Howcanyoutellwhenablondeiswearingpantyhose?
  251. A:Whenshefarts,herkneesbag.
  252.  
  253. Q:What'sthediseasethatparalyzesblondesbelowthewaist?
  254. A:Marriage.
  255.  
  256. Q:Howisablondelikeafryingpan?
  257. A:Youhavetogetthemhotbeforeyouputinthemeat.
  258.  
  259. Q:Howdoesablondeinterpret6.9?
  260. A:A69interruptedbyaperiod.
  261.  
  262. Q:HowdoyoumakeablondlaughonMondaymornings?
  263. A:TellthemajokeonFridaynight!
  264.  
  265. Q:Howdoyoudescribetheperfectblonde?
  266. A:3feettall,noteeth,andaflatheadtorestyourbeeron.
  267.  
  268. Q:Howdoyouconfuseablonde?
  269. A:Youdon't.They'rebornthatway.
  270.  
  271. Q:WhydoblondeshateM&Ms?
  272. A:They'retoohardtopeel.
  273.  
  274. Q:Howdoyoudriveablondecrazy?
  275. A:GiveherabagofM&Msandtellhertoalphabetisethem.
  276.  
  277. Q:Whydoesitwork?
  278. A:"Does3comebeforeE,betweenMandW,orattheend?"
  279.  
  280. Q:Howdoyouknowwhenablondehasbeenmakingchocolate
  281. chipcookies?
  282. A:YoufindM&Mshellsalloverthekitchenfloor.
  283.  
  284. Q:WhatjobfunctiondoesablondehaveinanM&Mfactory?
  285. A:Proofreading.
  286.  
  287. Q:DoyouknowwhytheblondegotfiredfromtheM&Mfactory?
  288. A:ForthrowingouttheW's.
  289.  
  290. Q:Whydon'tblondeslikemakingKOOL-AID?
  291. A:Becausetheycan'tfit8cupsofwaterinthelittle
  292. packet.
  293.  
  294. Q:Whydoesablondehavefuronthehemofherdress?
  295. A:Tokeepherankleswarm.
  296.  
  297. Q:Howcanyoutellablondehadabadday?
  298. A:Hertamponisbehindherearandshedoesn'tknowwhat
  299. shedidwithhercigarette.
  300.  
  301. Q:Whatdoesablondesayaftermultipleorgasms?
  302. A:Waytogoteam!
  303.  
  304. Q:Howcanyoutellifablondehasavibrator?
  305. A:Bythechippedtooth.
  306. Ç
  307. Q:Howdoyoukeepablondeinsuspense?
  308. A:(I'lltellyoutomorrow.)
  309.  
  310. Q:Whydoblondeswearshoulderpads?
  311. A:Tokeepfrombruisingtheirears.
  312.  
  313. Q:Whydoblondeshavevaginas?
  314. A:Soguyswilltalktothematparties.
  315.  
  316. Q:Whydoestheblondestandinfrontofawindowduringa
  317. thunderstorm?
  318. A:Shelovestakingpictures(flashes,gotit?).
  319.  
  320. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondewitharunnynose?
  321. A:Full.
  322.  
  323. Q:Whatdoesablondeanswertothequestion
  324.           "Areyousexuallyactive?"
  325. A:"No,Ijustliethere."
  326.  
  327. Q:What'sthefirstthingablondesaysinthemorning?
  328. A:"Thanks,guys..."
  329.  
  330. Q:Whatdoyoucall10blondesatthebottomofthepool?
  331. A:Airpockets.
  332.  
  333. Q:Whatdoes"Bones"McCoysaybeforeheperformsbrain
  334. surgeryonablonde?
  335. A:"Space.Thefinalfrontier......"
  336.  
  337. Q:HowmanyblondesdoesittaketoscrewtheentireBengals
  338. team?
  339. A:JustOne...BoomerEsiason.
  340.  
  341. Q:What'sbrownandredandblackandblue?
  342. A:Abrunettewho'stoldonetoomanyblondejokes.
  343.  
  344. Q:Whatdoyoucallabrunetteandthreeblondesonacorner?
  345. A:Youdon't,youseeifyou'vegot3condoms.
  346.  
  347. Q:Whydidtheblondekeepicecubesinthefreezer?
  348. A:Soshecouldkeeptherefrigeratorcold.
  349.  
  350. Q:Howdidtheblondebreakherlegplayinghockeywiththe
  351.           TorontoMapleLeafs?
  352. A:Shefelloutofthetree.
  353.  
  354. Q:HowmanyblondesdoesittaketoplayHideandSeek?
  355. A:One.
  356.  
  357. Q:Whycouldn'ttheblondewritethenumberELEVEN?
  358. A:Shedidn'tknowwhatONEcamefirst...
  359.  
  360. Q:Whydon'tblondestalkwhenhavingsex?
  361. A1:Theirmotherstoldthemnottotalktostrangers.
  362. A2:Theirmotherstoldthemnotwiththeirmouthsfull.
  363.  
  364. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondewith90%ofherintelligencegone?
  365. A:Divorced.
  366. Ç
  367. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondewithoutanasshole?
  368. A:Divorced.
  369.  
  370. Q:Howmanyblondesdoesittaketomakeacircuit?
  371. A:Two,Onetostandinthebathtub,andanothertopassherthe
  372. blowdryer!
  373.  
  374. Q:Howisablondelikeapostagestamp?
  375. A:Youlick'm,stick'em,andsend'emontheirway.
  376.  
  377. Q:Howdoyoudescribe3prostitutesandablonde?
  378. A:Ho,Ho,Ho,andtoallagoodnight.
  379.  
  380. Q:Howdidtheblondetrytokillthebird?
  381. A:Shethrewitoffacliff.
  382.  
  383. Q:Howdidtheblondebreakherlegrakingleaves?
  384. A:Shefelloutofthetree.
  385.  
  386. Q:Howdidtheblondediedrinkingmilk?
  387. A:Thecowfellonher.
  388.  
  389. Q:Howdidtheblondeburnhernose?
  390. A:Bobbingforfrenchfries.
  391.  
  392. Q:Howcanyoutellwhichblondeisthewaitress?
  393. A:Sheistheonewiththetamponbehindherear,wondering
  394. whatshedidwithherpencil.
  395.  
  396. Q1:Howcanyoutellifablonde'sbeenusingthecomputer?
  397. A:There'swhite-outonthescreen.
  398. Q2:Howcanyoutellifanotherblonde'sbeenusingthecomputer?
  399. A:There'swritingonthewhite-out.
  400.  
  401. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandacomputer?
  402. A:Youonlyhavetopunchinformationintoacomputeronce.
  403.  
  404. Q:Whatdidtheblondethinkofthenewcomputer?
  405. A:Shedidn'tlikeit'cosshecouldn'tgetchannel9....
  406.  
  407. Q:Howcanyoutellifablondehasbeeninyourrefrigerator?
  408. A:Bythelipstickonyourcucumbers.
  409.  
  410. Q:Howcanyoutellifablondeworksinanoffice?
  411. A:Abedinthestockroomandhugesmilesonallthe
  412. bosses'faces.
  413.  
  414. Q:Howcanyoutellwhenablondeisdating?
  415. A:Bythebuckleprintonherforehead.
  416.  
  417. Q:Howcanyoutellwhoisablonde'sboyfriend?
  418. A:He'stheonewiththebeltbucklethematchestheimpression
  419. inherforehead!
  420.  
  421. Q:Howcanyoutellifablondewritesmysteries?
  422. A:Shehasacheckbook.
  423.  
  424. Q:HowcanyoutellwhenaFAXhadbeensentfromablonde?
  425. A:Thereisastamponit.
  426. Ç
  427. Q:Howcanyoutellifablondeisagoodcook?
  428. A:Shegetsthepoptartsoutofthetoasterinonepiece.
  429.  
  430. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandatelephone?
  431. A:Itcosts30centstouseatelephone.
  432.  
  433. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandaguy?
  434. A:Theblondehasthehigherspermcount.
  435.  
  436. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandthePanamaCanal?
  437. A:ThePanamaCanalisabusyditch.
  438.  
  439. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenatribeofpygmiesanda
  440. blondetrackteam?
  441. A:Thepygmiesareabunchofcunningrunts.
  442.  
  443. Q:Whatisthedifferencebetweenacrazyfightinghockeyplayer
  444. andablonde?
  445. A:Heisfussybynatureandwouldgotoanylengthtogetapuck.
  446.  
  447. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandatrampoline?
  448. A:Youtakeoffyourshoesbeforeusingatrampoline.
  449.  
  450. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenaprostitute,anymphomaniac,
  451. andablonde?
  452. A:Theprostitutesays"Aren'tyoudoneyet?"
  453. Thenymphosays"Areyoudonealready?"
  454. Theblondesays"Beige...IthinkI'llpaintthe
  455. ceilingbeige."
  456.  
  457. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenIndianaandablonde?
  458. A:Ablondehaslargerhillsanddeepervalleys.
  459.  
  460. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandatoothbrush?
  461. A:Youdon'tletyourbestfriendborrowyourtoothbrush.
  462.  
  463. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandyourjob?
  464. A:Yourjobstillsucksafter6months.
  465.  
  466. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondhavingherperiodand
  467. aterrorist?
  468. A:Youcannegotiatewithaterrorist.
  469.  
  470. Q:Whatisthedifferencebetweenablondandatoilet?
  471. A:Atoiletwon'tfollowyouaroundafteryouuseit.
  472.  
  473. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandarooster?
  474. A:Inthemorningaroostersays,"Cock'll-doodl-doooo",whilea
  475. blondesays,"Any-cock'll-doooo."
  476.  
  477. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandalimousine?
  478. A:Noteverybodyhasbeeninalimo.
  479.  
  480. Q:Whatisthedifferencebetweenablondeandabowlingball?
  481. A1:Youcanonlygetthreefingersinabowlingball.
  482. A2:Youcan'tfittheblondeinthebowlingball.
  483. A3:Thereisnodifference.They'rebothroundandhave
  484. threeholestopoke.
  485. A4:Youdon'teatyourbowlingball
  486. Ç
  487. Q:WhatisthedifferencebetweenablondeandtheGrandOldDukeof
  488. York?
  489. A:TheGrandOldDukeofYorkonly'had'10000men.
  490.  
  491. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenapitbullandablondewith
  492. PMS?
  493. A:Lipstick.
  494.  
  495. Q:Whyisitgoodtohaveablondepassenger?
  496. A:Youcanparkinthehandicapzone.
  497.  
  498. Q:Whyisablondelikeaturtle?
  499. A:Theybothgetfuckedupwhenthey'reontheirback.
  500.  
  501. Q:Whyshouldblondesnotbegivencoffeebreaks?
  502. A:Ittakestoolongtoretrainthem.
  503.  
  504. Q:WhydoesNASAhireperoxideblondes?
  505. A:They'redoingresearchonblackholes.
  506.  
  507. Q:Whydoesablondeinsistonhimwearingacondom?
  508. A:Soshecanhaveadoggiebagforlater.
  509.  
  510. Q:Whydoesablondeonlychangeherbaby'sdiapersevery
  511. month?
  512. A:Becauseitsaysrightonit"goodforupto20pounds."
  513.  
  514. Q:Whydoblondeshavesee-throughlunchboxlids?
  515. A1:Sotheyknowifitismorningorafternoon.
  516. A2:Sothatwhenthey'reonthetraintheycantell
  517. ifthey'regoingtoworkorcominghome.
  518.  
  519. Q:Whydomenlikeblondejokes??
  520. A:Becausetheycanunderstandthem.
  521.  
  522. Q:Whydoblondeslikelightning?
  523. A:Theythinksomeoneistakingtheirpicture.
  524.  
  525. Q:Whydoallblondesallhaveadimpleontheirchinanda
  526. flatforehead?
  527. A:Fingeronchin-Idon'tknow.Hitsforehead-OhIgetit!
  528.  
  529. Q:Whydoblondeshavelittleholesallovertheirfaces?
  530. A:Fromeatingwithforks.
  531.  
  532. Q:Whydoblondeshavemorefun?
  533. A:Becausetheydon'tknowanybetter.
  534. *A:Theyareeasiertokeepamused.
  535.  
  536. Q:Whydoblonde'sfinditdifficulttomarry?
  537. A:Becauseyoudon'thavetomarrythemforsex!
  538.  
  539. Q:Whydoblondeshavelegs?
  540. A1:Sotheydon'tgetstucktotheground.
  541. A2:Togetbetweenthebedroomandthekitchen.
  542. A3:Sotheydon'tleavetrails,likelittlesnails.
  543.  
  544. Q:Whydoblondeshavetwomorebraincellsthanacow?
  545. A:Sothatwhenyoupulltheirtits,theydon'tmoo.
  546. ÇA2:Sotheydon'tshiteverywherewhenyoupulltheirtits.
  547.  
  548. Q:WhydoblondesdriveBMWs?
  549. A:Becausetheycanspellit.
  550.  
  551. Q:Whydoblondegirlshavetroubleachievingorgasm?
  552. A:üWhocares?Ç
  553.  
  554. Q:Whydoblondeshaveperiods?
  555. A:Theydeservethem
  556.  
  557. Q:Whydoblondeshavebigbellybuttons?
  558. A:Fromdatingblondemen.
  559.  
  560. Q:Whydoblondesweartampons?
  561. A:BecausecrabslikeBungieJumpingtoo.
  562.  
  563. Q:WhydoblondesdriveVW's
  564. A:Becausetheycan'tspellPORSCHE!!
  565.  
  566. Q:Whydoblondesputtheirhairinponytails?
  567. A:Tocoverupthevalvestem.
  568.  
  569. Q:Whydoblondshavesquareboobs?
  570. A:Becausetheyforgottotakethetissuesoutofthebox.
  571.  
  572. Q:WhydoBlondestakethepill?
  573. A:Sotheyknowwhatdayoftheweekitis.
  574.  
  575. Q:Butwhydobrunettestakethepill?
  576. A:WishfulThinking.
  577.  
  578. Q:WhydoBlondeshaveTGIFontheirshoes?
  579. A:Toesgoinfirst.
  580.  
  581. Q:WhydoBlondeshaveTGIFontheirshirts?
  582. A:Titsgoinfront.
  583.  
  584. Q:Whydoblondesliketiltsteering?
  585. A:Moreheadroom.
  586.  
  587. Q:Whydoblondesdrivecarswithsunroofs?
  588. A:Morelegroom.
  589.  
  590. Q:Whydoblondshaveorgasms?
  591. A:Sotheyknowwhentostophavingsex!
  592.  
  593. Q:Whydoblondeswearunderwear?
  594. A:Theymakegoodanklewarmers.
  595.  
  596. Q:WhydoBlondesliketheGST?(GST--GoodsandServicesTax
  597. nowineffectinCanada)
  598. A:Becausetheycanspellit.
  599.  
  600. Q:Whatis74toablonde?
  601. A:69plusG.S.T.
  602.  
  603. Q:Whydoblondesweargreenlipstick?
  604. A:Becauseredmeansstop.
  605.  
  606. ÇQ:Whydoblondeswearredlipstick?
  607. A:Becauseredmeans"Stop,wronghole."
  608.  
  609. Q:Whydoblondeswearhoopearings?
  610. A:Theyhavetohavesomeplacetoresttheirankles.
  611.  
  612. Q:Whydoblondeswashtheirhairinthesink?
  613. A:Because,that'swhereyou'resupposedtowashvegetables!
  614.  
  615. Q:Whydoblondesweartheirhairup?
  616. A:Tocatchasmuchastheycanthatisovertheirheads.
  617.  
  618. Q:Whydon'tblondesdoublerecipes?
  619. A:Theovendoesn'tgoto700degrees.
  620.  
  621. Q:Whydon'tblondesmakegoodpharmacists?
  622. A:Theycan'tgetthebottleintothetypewriter.
  623.  
  624. Q:Whydon'tblondescall911inanemergency?
  625. A1:Theycan'trememberthenumber.
  626. A2:Shecan'tfindthenumber11onthetelephonebuttons.
  627.  
  628. Q:Whydoblondesalwaysdiebeforehelparrives?
  629. A:Theyalwaysforgetthe"11"in"9-1-1".
  630.  
  631. Q:Whydon'tblondeseatbananas?
  632. A:Theycan'tfindthezipper.
  633.  
  634. Q:Whydon'tblondesinSanFranciscowearshortblackmini
  635. skirts?
  636. A:Causetheirballsshow!
  637.  
  638. Q:Whydon'tblondsbreastfeed?
  639. A:Becausetheyalwaysburntheirniples.
  640.  
  641. Q:Whydon'tblondesusevibrators?
  642. A:Theychiptheirteeth.
  643.  
  644. Q:Whydon'tblondeseatJello?
  645. A:Theycan'tfigureouthowtogettwocupsofwaterinto
  646. thoselittlepackages.
  647.  
  648. Q:Whydon'tblondeseatpickles?
  649. A:Becausetheycan'tgettheirheadinthejar.
  650.  
  651. Q:What'sthefirstthingablondedoesinthemorning?
  652. A1:Introducesthemself.
  653. A2:Walkshome.
  654.  
  655. Q:What'sthefirstthingablondedoesaftersex?
  656. A:Opensthecardoor.
  657.  
  658. Q:Whatistheworstthingaboutsexwithablond?
  659. A:Bucketseats.
  660.  
  661. Q:Whatimportantquestiondoesablondeaskhis/hermate
  662. beforehavingsex?
  663. A:Doyouwantthisbythehour,ortheflatrate?
  664.  
  665. Q:Howmanyblondesdoesittaketochangealightbulb?
  666. ÇA1:"What'salightbulb?"
  667. A2:One.Sheholdsthebulbandtheworldrevolvesaroundher.
  668. A3:Two.OnetoholdtheDietPepsi,andonetocall,"Daaady!"
  669.  
  670. Q:What'sablonde'sfavouritewine?
  671. A:"Daaaady,IwanttogotoMiaaami!"
  672.  
  673. Q:Whatisthedifferencebetweenablondanda747?
  674. A:Noteveryonehasbeenina747
  675.  
  676. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondetouchinghertoes?
  677. A:Abrunettewithbadbreath.
  678.  
  679. Q:SantaClaus,theToothFairy,adumbblonde,andasmart
  680. blondearewalkingdownthestreetwhentheyspota$10
  681. bill.Whopicksitup?
  682. A:Thedumbblonde!because,thereisnosuchthingasSanta
  683. Claus,thetoothfairy,orasmartblonde.
  684. A2:Noneofthem,twodon'texistandthedumbblondethought
  685. itwasagumwrapper.
  686.  
  687. Q:Ifablondeandabrunettearetossedoffabuilding,who
  688. hitsthegroundfirst?
  689. A:Thebrunette.Theblondehastostoptoaskfordirections.
  690.  
  691. Q:WhathappenswhenablondegetsAlzheimersdisease?
  692. A:HerIQgoesup!
  693.  
  694. Q:WhatsthedifferencebetweenablondeandaPorsche?
  695. A:Youdon'tlendthePorscheouttoyourfriend.
  696.  
  697. Q:Whatisthedifferencebetweenbutterandablonde?
  698. A:Butterisdifficulttospread.
  699.  
  700. Q:Whatisthedifferencebetweenablondeand"TheTitanic"?
  701. A:Theyknowhowmanymenwentdownon"TheTitanic".
  702.  
  703. Q:WhatisthedifferencebetweenasmartblondeandBigfoot?
  704. A:Bigfoothasbeenspotted.
  705.  
  706. Q:Whyisawashingmachinebetterthanablonde?
  707. A:Becauseyoucandropyourloadinawashingmachine,andit
  708. won'tfollowyouaroundforaweek.
  709.  
  710. Q:Whatdoyousaytoablondewithnoarmsandnolegs?
  711. A:"Nicetits!"
  712.  
  713. Q:Whatdoesablondemakebestfordinner?
  714. A:Reservations.
  715.  
  716. Q:WhatdoDarrenMillane(Collingwoodfootballerkilledina
  717. recentcarcrash)andablondehaveincommon?
  718. A:Puteitherof'eminacarandtheirfucked.
  719.  
  720. Q:Whatdoblondesdowiththeirarseholesinthemorning?
  721. A:Packtheirlunchandsendthemtowork.
  722.  
  723. Q:Whatdoesablondesaywhenshegivesbirth?
  724. A:Gee,Areyousureit'smine?
  725.  
  726. ÇQ:Whatdoblondesandcow-patshaveincommon?
  727. A:Theybothgeteasiertopick-upwithage.
  728.  
  729. Q:Whatdoesablondesaywhenyouaskherifherblinkerison?
  730. A:It'son.It'soff.It'son.It'soff.It'son.It'soff.
  731.  
  732. Q:Whatdoesaperoxideblondeanda747haveincommon?
  733. A1:Theybothhaveablackbox.
  734. A2:Bothhaveacockpit.
  735.  
  736. Q:Whatdoyougetwhenyouofferablondeapennyforher
  737. thoughts?
  738. A:Change.
  739.  
  740. Q:Whatdoesablondesayifyoublowinhis/herear?
  741. A:"Thanksfortherefill!"
  742.  
  743. Q:Whatdoblondesdoaftertheycombtheirhair?
  744. A:Theypulluptheirpants.
  745.  
  746. Q:Whatdoyoucallaskeletonintheclosetwithblondehair?
  747. A:Lastyearshideandgoseekwinner.
  748.  
  749. Q:Whatdoyoucallabasementfullofblondes?
  750. A:Awhinecellar.
  751.  
  752. Q:Whatdoyoucallfiveblondesatthebottomofthepool?
  753. A:Airbubbles.
  754.  
  755. Q:Whatdoyoucallaroomfullofwomen,halfwithPMS,half
  756. withyeastinfections?
  757. A:Awhineandcheeseparty!
  758.  
  759. Q:Whatdoyoucall3blondes,achimp,andanotherblonde
  760.           standingonastreetcorner?
  761. A:4f*cks,4f*cks,4f*cks,notforazillionf*cks,4f*cks!
  762.  
  763. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondelesbian?
  764. A:Awaste.
  765.  
  766. Q:Whatdoyoucall4blondeslyingontheground?
  767. A:Anairmattress.
  768.  
  769. Q:Whatdoyoucalladumbblondebehindasteeringwheel?
  770. A:AnAirBag.
  771.  
  772. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondebetweentwobrunettes?
  773. A:Amentalblock.
  774.  
  775. Q:Whatdoyoucall10blondesstandingeartoear?
  776. A:Awindtunnel.
  777.  
  778. Q:Whatdoyoucall15blondesinacircle?
  779. A:Adopering.
  780.  
  781. Q:WhatdoyoucallanunmarriedblondinaBMW?
  782. A:Divorcee'
  783.  
  784. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondewith2braincells?
  785. A:Pregnant.
  786. Ç
  787. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondeinaninstitutionofhigher
  788. learning?
  789. A:Avisitor.
  790.  
  791. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondewithhalfabrain?
  792. A:Gifted!
  793.  
  794. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondewithadollaronthetopoftheir
  795. head?
  796. A:Allyoucaneat,underabuck.
  797.  
  798. Q:Whatdoyoucallabrunettewithablondeoneitherside?
  799. A:Aninterpreter.
  800.  
  801. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondwithabagofsugaronherhead?
  802. A:SweetFuckAll...
  803.  
  804. Q:Whatdoyoucallaswimmingpoolfullofblondes?
  805. A:FrostedFlakes.
  806.  
  807. Q:Whatdoyoucall20blondesinafreezer?
  808. A:FrostedFlakes.
  809.  
  810. Q:Whatdoyoucallaflybuzzinginsideablonde'shead?
  811. A:ASpaceInvader.
  812.  
  813. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondeinatreewithabriefcase?
  814. A:BranchManager.
  815.  
  816. Q:Whatdoyoucallasmartblond?
  817. A1:Agoldenretriever.
  818. A2:Anindicatorofareallybadhangover.
  819.  
  820. Q:Whatdoyoucalltwonunsandablonde?
  821. A:Twotightendsandawidereceiver.
  822.  
  823. Q:Whatdoyouseewhenyoulookintoablonde'seyes?
  824. A:Thebackofherhead.
  825.  
  826. Q:Whatdoyougetwhenyoucrossablondeandagorilla?
  827. A:Whoknows,thereisonlysomuchagorillacanbeforcedto
  828. do...
  829.  
  830. Q:Whatdoyoucallahookerandfourblondes?
  831. A:Regularprice,fourbucks,fourbucks,fourbucks,
  832. fourbucks.
  833.  
  834. Q:Whatdoyoucallitwhenablondediestheirhairbrunette?
  835. A:Artificialintelligence.
  836.  
  837. Q:Whatdoablondeandyourcomputerhaveincommon?
  838. A:Youdon'tknowhowmucheitherofthemmeantoyouuntilthey
  839. godownonyou.
  840.  
  841. Q:Whatdoyoudowhenablondethroesahandgrenadeatyou?
  842. A:Pullthepinandthrowitback.
  843.  
  844. Q:Whatdoabowlingballandablondehaveincommon?
  845. A:chancesarethey'llbothendupinthegutter.
  846. Ç
  847. Q:Whatdoesablondeputbehindherearstomakehermore
  848. attractive?
  849. A:Herankles.
  850.  
  851. Q:WhatdoyousaytoaBlondethatwon'tgivein?
  852. A:"Haveanotherbeer."
  853.  
  854. Q:WhatdoBlondessayaftersex?
  855. A1:ThanksGuys.
  856. A2:Areyouboysallinthesameband?
  857. A3:Doyouguysallplayforthe(..............)?insertteam
  858. namehere.
  859.  
  860. Q:Whatdoesablondesaywhenyoublowintheirear?
  861. A:"Thanksfortherefill!"
  862.  
  863. Q:Whatdoesascreendoorandablondehaveincommon?
  864. A:Themoreyoubangitthelooseritgets.
  865.  
  866. Q:Whatdoesablondandabeerbottlehaveincommon?
  867. A:They'rebothemptyfromtheneckup.
  868.  
  869. Q:Whatdoblondsandspaghettihaveincommon?
  870. A:Theybothwrigglewhenyoueatthem.
  871.  
  872. Q:Whatdoperoxideblondsandblackmenhaveincommon?
  873. A:Theybothhaveblackroots.
  874.  
  875. Q:Whatdoyouseewhenyoulookintoablonde'seyes?
  876. A:Thebackofherhead.
  877.  
  878. Q:Whatdoesablondeowlsay?
  879. A:What,what?
  880.  
  881. Q:Whatdoyoucallazitonablonde'sass?
  882. A:Abraintumor.
  883.  
  884. Q:Whatdoyougetwhenyouturn3blondesupside-down?
  885. A:Twobrunettes.
  886.  
  887. Q:WhatdoablondeandPresdientGorbachevhaveincommon?
  888. A:Theybothgotfuckedby10menwhilstonholiday.
  889.  
  890. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandPresidentGorbachev?
  891. A:Heknowswhothetenmenwere.
  892.  
  893. Q:Howmanyblondesdoesittaketomakechocolate-chip
  894. cookies?
  895. A1:10.Onetomixthedoughandninetopeelthesmarties.
  896. A2:Three...onetomixthebatterandtwotosqueezetherabbit.
  897.  
  898. Q:Whatdidtheblonde'smumsaytoherbeforetheblonde'sdate.
  899. A:Ifyou'renotinbedby12,comehome.
  900.  
  901. Q:What'stheBlonde'scheer?
  902. A:"I'mblonde,I'mblonde,I'mB.L.O.N....ah,ohwell..
  903. I'mblonde,I'mblonde,yeayeayea..."
  904.  
  905. Q:Whydidtheblondecrosstheroad?
  906. ÇA:Nevermindthat!Whatwasshedoingoutofthebedroom?!?
  907. R:Idon'tknow.
  908. A:Neitherdidshe.
  909.  
  910. Q:Whydidtheblondescalethechain-linkfence?
  911. A:Toseewhatwasontheotherside.
  912.  
  913. Q:Whydidtheblondehaveasorenavel?
  914. A:Becauseherboyfriendwasalsoblond!
  915.  
  916. Q:Whydidtheystopdoingthe"WAVE"atBYU?
  917. A:Toomanyblondesweredrowning.
  918.  
  919. Q:WhydidBushwanttosendblondeswithPMSovertoIraq?
  920. A:They'remadenoughtokillandtheycanretainwater.
  921.  
  922. Q:Whydidtheblondefailatbeingaprostitute?
  923. A:Becauseshegaveblow-jobsliterally.
  924.  
  925. Q:Whydidtheblondesmilewhenshewalkedthemarriageaisle?
  926. A:Sherealizedshegaveherlastblowjob.
  927.  
  928. Q:Whydoblondesgivesuchgoodblowjobs?
  929. A:Becausethat'swhattheytrainforalltheirlives.
  930.  
  931. Q:Whydidtheblondetattooherzipcodeonherstomach?
  932. A:Sohermalewouldgetdeliveredtotherightbox.
  933.  
  934. Q:Whydidtheblondehavetiretreadmarksonherback?
  935. A:Fromcrawlingacrossthestreetwhenthesignsaid
  936. "DON'TWALK".
  937.  
  938. Q:Whydidtheblondekeepacoathangerinherbackseat?
  939. A:Incaseshelocksthekeysinhercar.
  940.  
  941. Q:Whydidtheblondetip-toepastthemedicinecabinet?
  942. A:Soshewouldn'twakeupthesleepingpills.
  943.  
  944. Q:Whydidthedeafblondesitonanewspaper?
  945. A:Soshecouldlipread.
  946.  
  947. Q:WhydidGodcreateblondes?
  948. A:Becausesheepcan'tbringbeerfromthefridge.
  949. Q:WhydidGodcreatebrunettes?
  950. A:Neithercouldtheblondes.
  951.  
  952. Q:Whydidtheblondewearcondomsonherears?
  953. A:Soshewouldn'tgetHearingAides.
  954.  
  955. Q:Whydidtheblondedriveintotheditch?
  956. A:Toturntheblinkeroff.
  957.  
  958. Q:Whydidtheblondetryandstealapolicecar?
  959. A:Shesaw"911"onthebackandthoughtitwasaPorsche.
  960.  
  961. Q:Whydidtheblondescaletheglasswall?
  962. A:Toseewhatwasontheotherside.
  963.  
  964. Q:Whydidtheblondewanttobecomeaveternarian?
  965. A:Becauseshelovedchildren.
  966. Ç
  967. Q:Whydidtheblondtakehertypewritertothedoctor??
  968. A:Shethoughtitwaspregnantbecausmissedaperiod.
  969.  
  970. Q:Whydidtheycalltheblondtwinkie?
  971. A:Shelikedtobefilledwithcream.
  972.  
  973. Q:WhydidtheblondegohalfwaytoNorwayandthenturn
  974. aroundandcomehome?
  975. A:Ittookherthatlongtodiscoverthata14inchVikingwas
  976. atelevision.
  977.  
  978. Q:Whydidn'ttheblondewantawindowseatontheplane?
  979. A:She'djustdyedherhair.
  980.  
  981. Q:Whydidn'ttheblondewantawindowseatontheplane?
  982. A:She'djustblowdriedherhairandshedidn'twantit
  983. blownaroundtoomuch.
  984.  
  985. Q:Whydidtheblondestopusingthepill?
  986. A:Becauseitkeptfallingout.
  987.  
  988. Q:Whydidtheblondegetsoexcitedaftershefinishedher
  989. jigsawpuzzleinonly6months?
  990. A:BecauseontheboxitsaidFrom2-4years.
  991.  
  992. Q:Whyaren'ttheremanyblondegymnasts?
  993. A:Becausewhentheydothesplits,theysticktothefloor.
  994.  
  995. Q:Whydon'tblondeslikemakingKOOL-AID?
  996. A:Becausetheycan'tfit8cupsofwaterinthelittle
  997. packet.
  998.  
  999. Q:Whydoesablondehavefuronthehemofherdress?
  1000. A:Tokeepherankleswarm.
  1001.  
  1002. Q:Howcanyoutellablondehadabadday?
  1003. A:Hertamponisbehindherearandshedoesn'tknowwhat
  1004. shedidwithhercigarette.
  1005.  
  1006. Q:Whatdoesablondesayaftermultipleorgasms?
  1007. A:Waytogoteam!
  1008.  
  1009. Q:Howdoyoukeepablondeinsuspense?
  1010. A:(I'lltellyoutomorrow.)
  1011.  
  1012. Q:WHATSTHEDIFFERANCEBETWEENAFRIDGEANDAFANNY?
  1013. A:AFRIDGEDOSN'TFARTWHENYOUTAKETHEMEATOUT.
  1014.  
  1015. Q:Howdoyouconfuseablonde?
  1016. A:AskhertoalphabetizeabagofM&Ms.
  1017.  
  1018. Q:Whydoesitwork?
  1019. A:"Does3comebeforeE,betweenMandW,orattheend?"
  1020.  
  1021. Q:Whydidtheblondecallthewelfareoffice?
  1022. A:Shewantedtoknowhowtocookfoodstamps!
  1023.  
  1024. Q:Whatistheblonde'sfavoritepotatochip?
  1025. A:Free-to-lay(Frito-Lay).
  1026. Ç
  1027. Q:Whatistheblonde'sfavoritebattery?
  1028. A:Ever-ready.
  1029.  
  1030. Q:Whatistheconnectionbetweenablondeandahalogenheadlamp?
  1031. A:TheybothgetscrewedonthefrontofaFordEscort.
  1032.  
  1033. Q:Whatdoyoucallitwhenablondegetstakenoverbyademon?
  1034. A:Avacantposession.
  1035.  
  1036. Q:Whatdoesablondeanswertothequestion"Areyousexuallyactive?"
  1037. A:"No,Ijustliethere."
  1038.  
  1039. Q:HowmanyblondesdoesittaketoplayHideandSeek?
  1040. A:One.
  1041.  
  1042. Q:Whycouldn'ttheblondewritethenumberELEVEN?
  1043. A:Shedidn'tknowwhatONEcamefirst...
  1044.  
  1045. Q:Whydon'tblondestalkwhenhavingsex?
  1046. A1:Theirmotherstoldthemnottotalktostrangers.
  1047. A2:Theirmotherstoldthemnotwiththeremouthsfull.
  1048.  
  1049. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondewith90%ofherintelligencegone?
  1050. A:Divorced.
  1051.  
  1052. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondewithoutanasshole?
  1053. A:Divorced.
  1054.  
  1055. Q:Howmanyblondesdoesittaketomakeacircuit?
  1056. A:Two,Onetostandinthebathtub,andanothertopassherthe
  1057. blowdryer!
  1058.  
  1059. Q:Howisablondelikeapostagestamp?
  1060. A:Youlick'm,stick'em,andsend'emontheirway.
  1061.  
  1062. Q:Howdoyoudescribe3prostitutesandablonde?
  1063. A:Ho,Ho,Ho,andtoallagoodnight.
  1064.  
  1065. Q:Whydidtheblondefailherdriverslicense?
  1066. A:Shewasn'tusedtothefrontseat!
  1067.  
  1068. Q:Whydidshefinallypasshertest?
  1069. A:Shetooktheexaminerwithher
  1070.  
  1071. Q:Didyouhearabouttheblondskydiver?
  1072. A:ShemissedtheEarth!
  1073.  
  1074. Q:Whatdoamopedandablondhaveincommon?
  1075. A:They'rebothfuntorideuntilafriendseesyouonone.
  1076.  
  1077. Q:Howdoyouknowwhenablond'sbeeninyourfrige?
  1078. A:Lipstickonthecucumbers!
  1079.  
  1080. Q:Whatdoablondeandaninstantlotterytickethaveincommon?
  1081. A:Allyouhavetodoisscratchtheboxtowin
  1082.  
  1083. Q:Whyareblondessosexuallypromiscuous?
  1084. A:Whocares
  1085.  
  1086. ÇQ:Whatisthedifferencebetweenablondeandaninflatabledoll?
  1087. A:About2cansofhairspray
  1088.  
  1089. Q:What'sthequickestwaytogetintoablondespants?
  1090. A:Pickthemupoffthefloor
  1091.  
  1092. Q:WhatdidtheBlondegetonherA.C.T.?
  1093. A:Nailpolish!
  1094.  
  1095.  
  1096. (Appendix:ForthoseofyouwhoareBrits,theA.C.T.isa
  1097. Collegeentranceexamination.Highestscorepossibleis36.Average
  1098. isabout18-20,Ithink.)
  1099.  
  1100.  
  1101. (VisualJoke)
  1102. Q:Whatdidtheblondesaywhenshetrieddrivingstickfor
  1103.           thefirsttime?
  1104. A:"Howdoyoushiftthisthing?"(youmakejackingoffmotions)
  1105.  
  1106. Q:Wheredoblondesgotomeettheirrelatives?
  1107. A:Thevegetablegarden.
  1108.  
  1109. Q:Howmanyblondesdoesittaketoplaytag?
  1110. A:One.
  1111.  
  1112. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenalesbianfinger-fuckinga
  1113.           blondeandaSchwinnatthesideoftheroad?
  1114. A:One'sabikeinaditch,andtheother's....
  1115.  
  1116. Q:WhatdoyoucallfourBlondesinaVolkswagon?
  1117. A:Far-from-thinkin
  1118.  
  1119. Q:Whydon'ttheyletBlondesswimintheocean?
  1120. A:Becausetheycan'tgetthesmelloutofthetuna.
  1121.  
  1122. Q:Whathappenedtotheblondetapdancer?
  1123. A:Sheslippedoffandfelldownthedrain.
  1124.  
  1125. Q:Whydoblondesoccupyabout90%ofthenetbandwidth?
  1126. A:Becausetheykeepaccidentallydeletingtheircopiesofthe
  1127.           BlondeJokeList.
  1128.  
  1129. Q:Whatistheirritatingpartaroundablonde'svagina?
  1130. A1:TheBlonde!
  1131. A2:Theotherguyswaitingtheirturn.
  1132.  
  1133. Q:Whatdidtheblondesaywhenaskedifshe'deverbeen
  1134. pickedupby'thefuzz'?
  1135. A:'No.ButI'vebeenswungaroundbythetits.'
  1136.  
  1137. Q:Whatdidtheblondesaywhenshelookedintoaboxof
  1138. Cheerios?
  1139. A:"Ohlook!Donutseeds!"
  1140.  
  1141. Q:Whatdidtheblondenameherpetzebra?
  1142. A:Spot.
  1143.  
  1144. Q:What'sablonds'favouriterockgroup?
  1145. A:AirSupply.
  1146. Ç
  1147. Q:Whatsblackandfuzzyandhangsfromtheceiling?
  1148. A:Ablondelectrician
  1149.  
  1150. Q:Whyaredumbblondejokessoshort?
  1151. A1:Sobrunettescanrememberthem.
  1152. A2:BecauseblondsaresoSHALLOWalongjokewouldn'tfit.
  1153.  
  1154. Q:Whywasn'ttheVirginMaryablonde????
  1155. A:Shewouldn'thavebeenoldenoughtobearchildren!
  1156.  
  1157. Q:Whyareblondeshurtbypeopleswords?
  1158. A:Becausepeoplekeephittingthemwithdictionaries.
  1159.  
  1160. Q:Whatdidtheblondedowhenshegotherperiod?
  1161. A:Lookedaroundforthebastardthatmusthaveshother?
  1162.  
  1163. Q:Whyareblondeslikecornflakes?
  1164. A:Becausethey'resimple,easyandtheytastegood.
  1165.  
  1166. Q:Whycan'tblondesputinlightbulbs?
  1167. A:Theykeepbreakingthemwiththehammers.
  1168.  
  1169. Q:Whatisacoolrefreshingdrinkforablonde?
  1170. A:Perri-air
  1171.  
  1172. Q:Didyouhearabouttheblondecoyote?
  1173. A:Gotstuckinatrap,chewedoffthreelegsandwas
  1174. stillstuck.
  1175.  
  1176. Q:Whenisitlegaltoshootablondeinthehead?
  1177. A:Whenyouhaveatirepumptoreinflateit!
  1178.  
  1179. Q:Whatisablonde'sfavoritepartofagasstation?
  1180. A:TheAirPump!
  1181.  
  1182. Q:WhywastheblondeupsetwhenshegotherDriver'sLicense?
  1183. A:BecauseshegotanFinsex.
  1184.  
  1185. Q:Didyouhereabouttheblondewhoshotanarrowintothe
  1186. air?
  1187. A:Shemissed.
  1188.  
  1189. Q:Whyaretherenodumbbrunettes?
  1190. A:Peroxide.
  1191.  
  1192. Q:Whatdidtheblonde'srightlegsaytotheleftleg.
  1193. A:Nothing-they'venevermet.
  1194.  
  1195. Q:Whatistheblonde'schronicspeechimpediment?
  1196. A:Shecan'tsay"No".
  1197.  
  1198. Q:Whatisitcalledwhenablondeblowsinanotherblond'sear?
  1199. A:Datatransfer.
  1200.  
  1201. Q:WhatsthedifferencebetweenaBlondeandaSupermarket
  1202. Trolley.
  1203. A:Asupermarkettrolleyhasamindofitsown.
  1204.  
  1205. Q:Whycan'tblondesbecattleranchers?
  1206. ÇA:Theycan'tkeeptheircalvestogether!
  1207.  
  1208. Q:Whatwastheblondpsychic'sgreatestachievment?
  1209. A:AnIN-bodyexperience!
  1210.  
  1211. Q:Whendoesabrunettehave1/2ofabrain?
  1212. A:Afteradyejob.
  1213.  
  1214. Q:What'sablonde'sfavoritenurseryrhyme?
  1215. A:HumpmeDumpme.
  1216.  
  1217. Q:Whatdidtheblondecustomersaytothebuxomwaitress
  1218.           (readinghernametag)?
  1219. A:"'Debbie'...that'scute.Whatdidyounametheotherone?"
  1220.  
  1221. Q:WhatgoesVROOM,SCREECH,VROOM,SCREECH,VROOM,SCREECH?
  1222. A:Ablondegoingthroughaflashingredlight.
  1223.  
  1224. Q:Whyaretherelipstickstainsonthesteeringwheelaftera
  1225. blondedrivesacar?
  1226. A:Causesheblowsthehorn!!!!!
  1227.  
  1228. Q:Whyisablondelikeadoorknob?
  1229. A:'Causeeverybodygetsaturn.
  1230.  
  1231. Q:Whyisablondelikerailroadtracks?
  1232. A:'Causeshe'sbeenlaidalloverthecountry.
  1233.  
  1234. Q:Didyouhearabouttheblondelesbian?
  1235. A:Shekepthavingaffairswithmen!
  1236.  
  1237. Q:Whatdoesablondedoifsheisnotinbedby10?
  1238. A:Shepicksupherpurseandgoeshome.
  1239.  
  1240. Q:Wheredoblondesgotomeettheirrelatives?
  1241. A:Thevegetablegarden.
  1242.  
  1243. Q:Howmanyblondesdoesittaketoplaytag?
  1244. A:One.
  1245.  
  1246. Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenalesbianfinger-fuckinga
  1247.           blondeandaSchwinnatthesideoftheroad?
  1248. A:One'sabikeinaditch,andtheother's....
  1249.  
  1250. Q:Whydoblondesoccupyabout90%ofthenetbandwidth?
  1251. A:Becausetheykeepaccidentallydeletingtheircopiesofthe
  1252.           BlondeJokeList.
  1253.  
  1254. Q:Whydidtheblondecallthewelfareoffice?
  1255. A:Shewantedtoknowhowtocookfoodstamps!
  1256.  
  1257. Q:Whatistheblonde'sfavoritepotatochip?
  1258. A:Free-to-lay(Frito-Lay).
  1259.  
  1260. Q:Whatistheblonde'sfavoritebattery?
  1261. A:Ever-ready.
  1262.  
  1263. Q:Whatdoyoucallitwhenablondegetstakenoverbyademon?
  1264. A:Avacantposession.
  1265.  
  1266. ÇQ:Ifanblondeandabrunettejumpedoffabridge,
  1267. whowoulddiefirst?
  1268. A:Thebrunette--becausetheblondewouldhaveto
  1269. stopandaskfordirections.
  1270.  
  1271. Q:Toablonde,whatislongandhard?
  1272. A:Grade4.
  1273.  
  1274. Q:Whatisthedefinitionofgrossignorance?
  1275. A:144blondes.
  1276.  
  1277. Q:Whyis68themaximumspeedforblonds?
  1278. A:Becauseat69theyblowarod...
  1279.  
  1280. Q:Whatisthedifferencebetweenablondeand
  1281. arefrigerator?
  1282. A:Arefrigeratordoesn'tfartwhenyoupullyour
  1283. meatoutofit.
  1284.  
  1285. Q:Whyaren'tblondesgoodcattleherders?
  1286. A:Becausetheycan'tevenkeeptwocalvestogether!
  1287.  
  1288. Q:Whyareblondeshurtbypeople'swords?
  1289. A:Becausepeoplekeephittingthemwithdictionaries.
  1290.  
  1291. Q:Whatdidtheblondesaytothephysicist?
  1292. A:"Why,IjustüloveÇnuclearfission!Whatdoyouuse
  1293.           forbait?"
  1294.  
  1295. Q:Didyouhearabouttheblondecouplethatwerefoundfrozentodeath
  1296. intheircaratadrive-inmovietheater?
  1297. A:Theywenttosee"ClosedfortheWinter".
  1298.  
  1299. Q:Whywon'ttheyhireablondepharmacist?
  1300. A:Theykeepbreakingtheprescriptionbottlesinthetypewriters.
  1301.  
  1302. Q:Whatisthedefinitionoftheperfectwoman?
  1303. A:Adeafanddumbblondenymphomaniacwhosefatherownsapub.
  1304.  
  1305. Q:Whyisablondelikeanoldwashingmachine?
  1306. A:Theybothdripwhenthey'refucked.
  1307.  
  1308. Q:Howwouldablondpunctuatethefollowing?:
  1309. "Funfunfunworryworryworry"
  1310. A:FunperiodfunperiodfunNOPERIODworryworryworry!
  1311.  
  1312. Q:Whyistheblonde'sbrainthesizeofapeainthemorning?
  1313. A:Itswellsatnight.
  1314.  
  1315. Q:Ablondeiswalkingdownthestreetwithapigunderherarm.
  1316. Shepassesapersonwhoasks"Wheredidyougetthat?"
  1317. A:Thepigsays,"Iwonherinaraffle!"
  1318.  
  1319. Q:Ablondeorderedapizzaandtheclerkaskedifheshould
  1320. cutitinsixortwelvepieces.
  1321. A:"Six,please.Icouldnevereattwelvepieces."
  1322.  
  1323. Q:What'sablonde'sideaofsafesex?
  1324. A:Lockingthecardoor.
  1325.  
  1326. ÇQ:Whydidtheblondekeepfailingherdriver'stest?
  1327. A:Becauseeverytimethedooropened,shejumpedinto
  1328.           thebackseat.
  1329.  
  1330. Q:Whatdidtheblondedowhensheheardthat90%ofaccidents
  1331. occuraroundthehome?
  1332. A:Shemoved.
  1333.  
  1334. Q:What'sfivemileslongandhasanIQofforty?
  1335. A:Ablondeparade.
  1336.  
  1337. Q:Whyisitokayforblondestocatchcold?
  1338. A:Theydon'thavetoworryaboutblowingtheirbrainsout.
  1339.  
  1340. Q:Didyouhearabouttheblondewhotriedtoblowupher
  1341. husband'scar?
  1342. A:Sheburnedherlipsonthetailpipe.
  1343.  
  1344. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1345.  
  1346. ItoldmyblondegirlfriendthatIwasgoingskeetshooting.
  1347. Shetoldmeshedidn'tknowhowtocookthem.
  1348.  
  1349. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1350.  
  1351. Thisblondeandherboyfriendweresittinginahottubwhen
  1352. theblondesaidtoherboyfriend,"Isittruethatifyoupull
  1353. yourfingerout,I'llsink?"
  1354.  
  1355. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1356.  
  1357. AdumbBlondediedandwenttoHeaven.WhenshegottothePearly
  1358. Gates,shemetSaintPeterwhosaid,"Beforeyougettocomeinto
  1359. Heaven,youhavetopassatest."
  1360. "Oh,No!"shesaidbutSaintPetersaidnottoworryhe'dmakeit
  1361. easy.
  1362. "WhowasGod'sson?"saidSaintPeter.
  1363. ThedumbBlondethoughtforafewminutesandsaid"Andy!"
  1364. "That'sinteresting...Whatmadeyousaythat?"saidSaintPeter
  1365. ThenShestartedtosing"Andywalkswithme!Andytalkswithme!
  1366. Andytellsme..."
  1367.  
  1368. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1369.  
  1370. Didyouhearabouttheblondethatwenttolibraryandcheckedout
  1371. abookcalled"HowtoHug"?Gotbacktothedormandfoundoutit
  1372. wasvolumesevenoftheencyclopædia...
  1373.  
  1374. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1375.  
  1376. Ablonde'sresponsetothecomment,"THINKaboutit!":
  1377. "Idon'thavetothink--I'mblonde!"
  1378.  
  1379. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1380.  
  1381. Agovernmentstudyhasshownthatblondesdohavemorefun-they
  1382. justdon'trememberwhowith.
  1383.  
  1384. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1385.  
  1386. Ç...thentherewastheblondewhostartedtherestaurantwiththe
  1387. slogan"BillionsServed-justtoday"
  1388.  
  1389. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1390.  
  1391. Whatabouttheblondewhogavebirthtotwins?
  1392. Herhusbandisoutlookingfortheotherman.
  1393.  
  1394. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1395.  
  1396. Apaintingcontractorwasspeakingwithawomanaboutherjob.In
  1397. thefirstroomshesaidshewouldlikeapaleblue.Thecontractor
  1398. wrotethisdownandwenttothewindow,openedit,andyelledout
  1399. "GREENSIDEUP!"Inthesecondroomshetoldthepaintershewould
  1400. likeitpaintedinasoftyellow.Hewrotethisonhispad,walked
  1401. tothewindow,openedit,andyelled"GREENSIDEUP!"Theladywas
  1402. somewhatcuriousbutshesaidnothing.Inthethirdroomshesaid
  1403. shewouldlikeitpaintedawarmrosecolor.Thepainterwrotethis
  1404. down,walkedtothewindow,openeditandyelled"GREENSIDEUP!"
  1405. Theladythenaskedhim,"Whydoyoukeepyelling'greensideup'?"
  1406. "I'msorry,"camethereply."ButIhaveacrewofblondeslaying
  1407. sodacrossthestreet.
  1408.  
  1409. --------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1410.  
  1411. Didyouhearabouttheblondewho:
  1412.  
  1413. ...hadmoreonherbodythanonhermind?
  1414. ...wascalled"Sanka"becauseshehadnoactiveingredientinthe
  1415. bean?
  1416. ...tookanhourtocookMinuteRice?
  1417. ...gotintothetaxi,andthedriverkeptthe"Vacant"signup?
  1418. ...wasanM.D.-MentallyDeficient?
  1419. ...hadaterrificstairway,butnothingupstairs?
  1420. ...thoughtnitrateswascheaperthandayrates?
  1421. ...wastoldshewasasillypuss,butinsistedshedidn'thavea
  1422. crazycat?
  1423. ...afterwatchingtheballerinas,wonderedwhytheydidn'tgettaller
  1424. girls?
  1425. ...wenttoanudistcampforagameofstrippoker?
  1426. ...broughthercosmeticswithherforamake-upexam?
  1427.  
  1428. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1429.  
  1430.      Twoblondesobservedinaparkinglottryingtounlockthedoor
  1431.      oftheirMercedeswithacoathanger:
  1432.  
  1433. Blonde#1:Ican'tseemtogetthisdoorunlocked!
  1434.  
  1435. Blonde#2:Well,you'dbetterhurryupandtryharder,itsstarting
  1436. torainandthetopisdown!
  1437.  
  1438. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1439.  
  1440. Ablonde,abrunetteandaredheadwentintoabarandaskedthe
  1441. bartender:
  1442.  
  1443. Brunette:"I'llhaveaBandC."
  1444. Bartender:"WhatisaBandC?".
  1445. Brunette:"BourbonandCoke."
  1446. ÇRedhead:"And,I'llhaveaGandT."
  1447. Bartender:"What'saGandT?"
  1448. Redhead:"Ginandtonic."
  1449. Blonde:"I'llhavea15."
  1450. Bartender:"What'sa15?"
  1451. Blonde:"7and7"
  1452.  
  1453. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1454.  
  1455. Twobrunettesandablondeareinthehospitalawaitingthearrivalof
  1456. theirfirstchildren.The1stbrunettesays,"IjustknowI'mgoingto
  1457. haveagirl,'cuzIconceivedwhileIwasonmyback".The2nd
  1458. brunettesays,"Mine'sgoingtobeaboy,'cuzIwasontopduring
  1459. conception".Theblondesays,"Uh-oh!I'mgoingtohaveapuppy!"
  1460.  
  1461.  
  1462. Therewerethreewomenwhowereatthegynecologisthavingpre-natal
  1463. checkups.Thedoctoraskedthefirstwoman"inwhatpositionwasthe
  1464. babyconceived?"
  1465. "Hewasontop",shereplied.
  1466. "Youwillhaveaboy!"thedoctorexclaimed.
  1467.  
  1468. Thesecondwomanwasaskedthesamequestion.
  1469. "Iwasontop",wasthereply.
  1470. "youwillhaveababygirl."saidthedoctor.
  1471.  
  1472. Withthis,thethirdwomen,ablond,burstintotears.
  1473. "Whatsthematter?"askedthedoc.
  1474. "AmIgoingtohavepuppies?".....
  1475.  
  1476. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1477.  
  1478. Blondes...
  1479. Theytakealickin',andkeepon...
  1480. Lickin!
  1481.  
  1482. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1483.  
  1484. Didyouheartheoneabouttheblondewhothoughtthat"lovehandles"
  1485. referredtoherears?
  1486.  
  1487. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1488.  
  1489. OvertheweekendI(can'tremembername-onnewsgrazer)hearda
  1490. blondetellingthisjoke:
  1491. BlondeAsks:Whatdoyoucallablondeinbetweentwobrunettes?
  1492. BlondeAnswers:Aninterprolater!
  1493.  
  1494. Wewerelaughingsohardwethoughtweweregoingtodie.Thefunny
  1495. partwasthatshethoughtwewerelaughingatherjoke.
  1496.  
  1497. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1498.  
  1499. Didyouhereabouttheblondethatstayedupallnighttosee
  1500. wherethesunwent?Itfinallydawnedonhere.
  1501.  
  1502. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1503.  
  1504. AblondewasdrivingdownthehighwaytoDisneylandwhenshesaw
  1505. asignthatsaid"DISNEYLANDLEFT".Afterthinkingforaminute,
  1506. Çshesaidtoherself"ohwell!"andturnedaroundandrovehome.
  1507.  
  1508. Onherwayhomethesameblondedrovepastanothersignthatsaid
  1509. "CLEANRESTROOMS8MILES".Bythetimeshedroveeightmiles,
  1510. shehadcleaned43restrooms.
  1511.  
  1512. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1513.  
  1514. Howaboutthesuicideblonde,
  1515. shedyedbyherownhand.
  1516.  
  1517. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1518.  
  1519. Abrunetteandablondearewalkingalonginapark.The
  1520. brunettesayssuddenly,"Awww,lookatthedeadbirdie".The
  1521. blondestops,looksup,andsays,"Where?"
  1522.  
  1523. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1524.  
  1525. Apolicemanpulledablondeoverafterhe/she'dbeendrivingthe
  1526. wrongwayonaone-waystreet.
  1527. Cop:Doyouknowwhereyouweregoing?
  1528. Blonde:No,butwhereveritis,itmustbebad'causeallthe
  1529. peoplewereleaving.
  1530.  
  1531. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1532.  
  1533. Acopstopsablondewomanwhowasdrivingdownamotorway.
  1534. "Miss,mayIseeyourdriver'slicenceplease?"
  1535. "Driver'slicence?What'sthat?..."
  1536. "It'salittlecardwithyourpictureonit."
  1537. "Oh,duh!Hereitis..."
  1538. "MayIhaveyourcarinsurance?"
  1539. "What'sthat?..."
  1540. "It'sadocumentthatsaysyouareallowedtodrivethe
  1541. car."
  1542. "Ohthis?Duh!Hereyougo..."
  1543. Thecopthentakeshisdickoutofhispants,whilethe
  1544. blondeexclaims:"Ohno,notanotherbreathalyzertest!"
  1545.  
  1546. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1547.  
  1548. Hubby:AsastartIthinkyoushouldlearnto"iron",thenwe
  1549. coulddowithouttheironinglady.
  1550. BlondeWife:Well,ifyouwouldlearntofuckmeproperlywe
  1551. coulddowithoutthegardener.
  1552.  
  1553. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1554.  
  1555. Ablondeandabrunettewerediscussingtheirboyfriends:
  1556. Brunette:LastnightIhad*three*orgasmsinarow!
  1557. Blonde:That'snothing;lastnightIhadoverahundred.
  1558. Brunette:Mygod!Ihadnoideahewasthatgood.
  1559. Blonde:(lookingshocked)Oh,youmeanwithoneguy.
  1560.  
  1561. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1562.  
  1563. Threeblondesareattemptingtochangealightbulb.Oneof
  1564. themdecidestocall911:
  1565. Blonde:Weneedhelp.We'rethreeblondeschanging
  1566. Çalightbulb.
  1567. Operator:Hmmmmm.Youputinafreshbulb?
  1568. Blonde:Yes.
  1569. Operator:Thepowerinthehouseinon?
  1570. Blonde:Ofcourse.
  1571. Operator:Andtheswitchison?
  1572. Blonde:Yes,yes.
  1573. Operator:Andthebulbstillwon'tlightup?
  1574. Blonde:No,it'sworkingfine.
  1575. Operator:Thenwhat'stheproblem?
  1576. Blonde:Wegotdizzyspinningtheladderaroundand
  1577. weallfellandhurtourselves.
  1578.  
  1579. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1580.  
  1581. Therewerethreepeoplestrandedonanisland,abrunette,a
  1582. redhead,andablonde.Thebrunettelookedoverthewatertothe
  1583. mainlandandestimatedabout20milestoshore.Sosheannounced,
  1584. "I'mgoingtotrytoswimtoshore."Sosheswamoutfivemiles,
  1585. andgotreallytired.Sheswamouttenmilesfromtheisland,and
  1586. shewastootiredtogoon,soshedrowned.
  1587.  
  1588. Thesecondone,theredhead,saidtoherself,"Iwonderif
  1589. shemadeit.Iguessit'sbettertotrytogettothemainland
  1590. thanstayhereandstarve."Sosheattemptstoswimout.The
  1591. redheadhadalotmoreendurancethanthebrunette,assheswam
  1592. out10milesbeforesheevengottired.After15miles,shewas
  1593. tootiredtogoon,soshedrowned.
  1594.  
  1595. Sotheblondethoughttoherself,"Iwonderiftheymadeit!
  1596. IthinkI'dbettertrytomakeit,too."Sosheswamout5miles,
  1597. tenmiles,15miles,NINETEENmilesfromtheisland.Theshore
  1598. wasjustinsight,butshesaid,"I'mtootiredtogoon!"So
  1599. sheswamback.
  1600.  
  1601. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1602.  
  1603. Teller:WhydidtheblondemovetoL.A.?
  1604. Blonde:Idon'tknow.Why?
  1605. Teller:Itwaseasiertospell.
  1606. Blonde:Easierthanwhat?
  1607.  
  1608. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1609.  
  1610. Twoblondeswerewalkingthroughthewoodswhenonelookeddown
  1611. andsaid"Oh,lookatthedeertracks."Theotherblondelooks
  1612. andsays"Thosearn'tdeertracks,thosearewolftracks.""No.
  1613. Thosearedeertracks."Theykeeparguing,andarguing,andone
  1614. halfhourlatertheywerebothkilledbyatrain.
  1615.  
  1616. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1617.  
  1618. Theblondecamerunningdownstairs,crying.Hermotheraskedwhat
  1619. waswrongandtheblondesaidherboyfriendhadjustdroppedher.
  1620. Hermother(ablonde)noddedwiselyandproceededtotellher
  1621. aboutthebirdsandthebeesandtheblondesaid:"Noma.Ican
  1622. fuckandsuckwiththebestofthem.ButhesaysIcan'tcook"
  1623.  
  1624. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1625.  
  1626. ÇConfucioussay:blondewhoflyupsidedownhavecrackup.
  1627.  
  1628. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1629.  
  1630. AtacarwashinBurbank,thereweretwoidenticalHondascomingout
  1631. atthesametime.Abeautifulblondwomanjumpsintooneandtakes
  1632. off,leavingitsownerratherperplexed.Aboutthreeminuteslater,
  1633. shereappearsatthecarwashyelling,"whorippedoffmycarphone!"
  1634.  
  1635. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1636.  
  1637. LastnightIwenthometomyblondegirlfriend,andtoldherIwasgoing
  1638. toscrewherbrainsout.ThenIrealizedIwastoolate.
  1639.  
  1640. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1641.  
  1642. Ablondefriendofminewaslookingforsometransportation,soIbought
  1643. heraWoody.Icalledheruplaterandaskedhowshelikeit.Shetold
  1644. meitwasOK,butthatitdidn'tlooksogoodonceshehadtakenitout
  1645. ofthecrate.
  1646.  
  1647. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1648.  
  1649. Thisguyjuststartedathisnewjob,workingatapornoshop.Hisboss
  1650. comesoutandtellhimthathehastoleaveforawhile,and"canyou
  1651. handleit?"
  1652.    Thenewemployeeissomewhatreluctant,butwiththeboss'spositive
  1653. commentshefinallyagrees.So,theguyistherebyhimselfforalittle
  1654. whileandawhitewomancomesin.
  1655.    Ablondegoesintothedrugstoretobuysomerubbers(soshecan
  1656. practicesafesex).Shewalksuptothepharmicistandasks"Howmuch
  1657. foraboxofrubbers?"
  1658.    "They're$1foraboxof3,"hereplied,"Plus6centsforthetax."
  1659.    "Oh,"saidtheblonde,"Iwonderedhowtheykeptthemon."
  1660.  
  1661. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1662.  
  1663. Anotherblonde,anotherstore.Shegoesovertothedeodorantdisplay
  1664. andtellstheclerk"Ineedtobuysomedeodorantformyhusband."
  1665. "Doesheusetheballkind?"enquiredtheclerk.
  1666. "No,"repliedtheblonde,"Thekindforunderhisarms."
  1667.  
  1668. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1669.  
  1670. Sheasks,"Howmuchforthewhitedildo?"
  1671. Heanswers,"$35."
  1672. She:"Howmuchfortheblackone?"
  1673. He:"$35fortheblackone,$35forthewhiteone."
  1674. She:"IthinkI'lltaketheblackone.I'veneverhadablackonebefore."
  1675. Shepayshim,andoffshegoes.
  1676. Alittlebitlaterablackwomancomesinandasks"Howmuchforthe
  1677. blackdildo?"
  1678. He:"$35."
  1679. She:"Howmuchforthewhiteone?"
  1680. He:"$35forthewhiteone,$35fortheblackone."
  1681. She:"Hmmm...IthinkI'lltakethewhiteone.I'veneverhadawhiteone
  1682. before..."
  1683. Shepayshim,andoffshegoes.
  1684. Aboutanhourlaterayoungblondewomancomesinandasks,"Howmuchare
  1685. yourdildos?"
  1686. ÇHe:"$35forthewhite,$35fortheblack."
  1687. She:"Hmmmmm....howmuchisthatplaidoneontheshelf?"
  1688. He:"Well,that'saveryspecialdildo...it'llcostyou$165."
  1689. Shethinksforamomentandanswers,"I'lltaketheplaidone,I'venever
  1690. hadaplaidonebefore...."
  1691. Shepayshim,andoffshegoes.
  1692. Finally,theguy'sbossreturnsandasks,"HowdidyoudowhileIwas
  1693. gone?"
  1694. Towhichthesalemanresponded,"Ididreallygood,Isoldonewhite
  1695. dildo,
  1696. oneblackdildo,andIsoldyourthermosfor$165!"
  1697.  
  1698. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1699.  
  1700. Imitationofablonderefuelling..
  1701. (Flaphand,blowingairintoears)
  1702.  
  1703. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1704.  
  1705. Aftermanyhoursofextremelyacrobaticandexhaustingsexwithablonde
  1706. hehadjustpickedup,amangoesintothekitchenforsomefoodto
  1707. replenishhisjust-spentenergy.Hepourshimselfaglassofmilkand
  1708. rightbeforedrinkingit,herealizeshismanhoodisstillprettyhot,so
  1709. hesticksitintheglasstocoolitoff.Justthentheblondewalksin
  1710. andsays,"Oh,Ialwayswonderedhowyourefilledthose."
  1711.  
  1712. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1713.  
  1714. Ablondeandabrunetteweretalkingoneday.Thebrunettesaidthather
  1715. boyfriendhadaslightdandruffproblembutshegavehim"Headand
  1716. Shoulders"anditcleareditup.Theblondeaskedinquisitively,
  1717.  
  1718.      "Howdoyougiveshoulders?"
  1719.  
  1720. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1721.  
  1722. Person1:What'sthedifferencebetweenablondeandgarbage?
  1723. Person2:Garbagegetstakenoutatleastonceaweek.
  1724. Person1:Wrong.Youtiethegarbageupbeforeyoutakeitout.
  1725.  
  1726. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1727.  
  1728. Didyouhearwhattheblondewhowasopeninganewbarsaidwhenher
  1729. lawyerexplainedtoherthatsheneededaliquorlicense?
  1730.  
  1731. "Oh,it'snotgonnabeTHATkindofabar.That'sdisgusting!"
  1732.  
  1733. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1734.  
  1735. Therewasablondedrivingdowntheroadlisteningtotheradio.The
  1736. announcerwastellingblondejokeafterblondejokeuntiltheblondewas
  1737. madenoughsheturnedherradiooff.Amiledowntheroad,shesaw
  1738. anotherblondeoutinacornfieldinaboatrowing.Theblondestopped
  1739. hercarjumpedoutandyelled,"Youbimbo,it'sblondeslikeyouthat
  1740. giveusallabadname.IfIcouldswimI'dcomeoutthereandgiveyou
  1741. what'scomingtoyou!"
  1742.  
  1743. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1744.  
  1745. Adumbblondewasbraggingaboutherknowledgeofthestatecapitals(or
  1746. ÇforBillClintoncapitols).Sheproudlysaid,"goahead,askme,Iknow
  1747. allofthem."
  1748. Aredheadsaid,"O.K.,what'sthecapitalofWisconsin?"
  1749. Theblondereplied,"Oh,that'seasy,'W'."
  1750.  
  1751. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1752.  
  1753.  
  1754. Ablondewaswalkingalong,whenshelookeduptoobserveabirdflying
  1755. overhead.Suddenly,thebirddropsaloadwhenitwasdirectlyoverher.
  1756. Theblondesays,"GoodthingIhadmymouthopen,orthatwould'vehitme
  1757. rightintheface!!!"
  1758. Or:"Goodthingthatcowsdon'tfly.
  1759.  
  1760. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1761.  
  1762. ëBlondeMedicalTerminologyÇ
  1763.  
  1764. üAnallyÇoccurringyearly
  1765. üArteryÇstudyofpaintings
  1766. üBacteriaÇbackdoorofcafeteria
  1767. üBariumÇwhatdoctorsdowhentreatmentfails
  1768. üBowelÇletterlikeA.E.I.O.U
  1769. üCaesariansectionÇdistrictinRome
  1770. üCatscanÇsearchingforkitty
  1771. üCauterizeÇMadeeyecontactwithher
  1772. üColicÇsheepdog
  1773. üComaÇapunctuationmark
  1774. üCongenitalÇfriendly
  1775. üD&CÇwhereWashingtonis
  1776. üDiarrheaÇjournalofdailyevents
  1777. üDilateÇtolivelong
  1778. üEnemaÇnotafriend
  1779. üFesterÇquicker
  1780. üFibulaÇasmalllie
  1781. üGenitalÇnon-Jewish
  1782. üG.I.SeriesÇsoldiers'ballgame
  1783. üGrippeÇsuitcase
  1784. üHangnailÇcoathook
  1785. üImpotentÇdistinguished,wellknown
  1786. üIntensepainÇtortureinateepee
  1787. üLabourpainÇgothurtatwork
  1788. üMedicalstaffÇdoctor'scane
  1789. üMorbidÇhigheroffer
  1790. üNitrateÇcheaperthandayrate
  1791. üNodeÇwasawareof
  1792. üOutpatientÇpersonwhohadfainted
  1793. üPapsmearÇfatherhoodtest
  1794. üPelvisÇcousinofElvis
  1795. PüostoperativeÇlettercarrier
  1796. üProteinÇfavouringyoungpeople
  1797. üRectumÇdamnnearkilled'em
  1798. üRecoveryroomÇplacetodoupholstery
  1799. üRheumaticÇamorous
  1800. üScarÇrolledtobaccoleaf
  1801. üSecretionÇhidinganything
  1802. üSeizureÇRomanemperor
  1803. üSerologyÇstudyofknighthood
  1804. üTabletÇsmalltable
  1805. üTerminalillnessÇsicknessatairport
  1806. üTibiaÇcountryinNorthAfrica
  1807. üTumourÇanextrapair
  1808. üUrineÇoppositeofyou'reout
  1809. üVaricoseÇlocatednearby
  1810. üVeinÇconceited
  1811.  
  1812. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1813. I'llgetalifewhenitisprovenTroyC.Belding
  1814. andsubstantiatedtobebetterST17Y@JETSON.UH.EDU
  1815. thanwhatIamcurrentlyHSSM@MENUDO.UH.EDU
  1816. experiencing.
  1817. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1818.