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AGONY.TXT
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1992-01-02
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2KB
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64 lines
AGONY COLUMN
[--------------
] Hello and welcome to Uncle Gangster's
]Agony column !
[ If you have any problems or complaints
[or if you are unsure about something
[or someone, then wri te to me at the
[usual address.
[Now for some letters that were written
[to me this week :-
Dear Uncle Gangster,
my father will not let me play with my
ST, he says that I must only use it to
do my homework with. I received the
great Massive Attack demo yesterday,
but papa will not let me look at it. I
am very sad and don't know what I can
do about this. I am only 14 years old,
and my father is bigger than me, and
he beats me up all the time. Please
help me Uncle Gangster.
From 'Skippy of Now 5'.
]Uncle Gangster Says :-
]So your father is bigger than you and
]beats you all the time ? - well do not
]worry, here is what you must do ; Go
]to your nearest sports shop and buy a
]large Baseball bat. Take this home and
]hit your father on the knee-cap very
]hard and then stick your middle finger
]up at him and say loudly - 'Spin on it,
]dick sucker'. You must now travel very
]quickly to the airport and take a plane
]to Australia. Your problems will now be
]over !
Dear Uncle Gangster,
Everybody hates me. Nobody likes me at
all. Everyone says that I rip off games
cracked by other groups and that I
always talk bullshit. This is not true.
I am a great cracker, coder, filer, and
I have never ripped anyone off. Please
help me, what can I do ? how can I stop
people from hating me ?
From Ruthless.
]Uncle Gangster Says :-
] It is very easy to stop people from
]hating you Mr Ruthless. All you have to
]do is jump in front of a train. Nobody
]will hate you anymore after this !