home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search
-
- MORE OF THE LAWS.
-
- THE UNFAILING LAW OF HUMAN OBSOLESCENCE:
- When you finally master lifes route map - you fail the MOT.
-
- THE LAW OF STATISTICAL RESULTS:
- If you laid all the statisticians in the world end to end they would
- all still point in different directions.
-
- SOLICITORS LAW:
- Where theres a will - theres a relative.
-
- THE KISS OF DEATH LAW:
- The likelihood of what appears to be a wise and impressive statement
- of fact being reversed by nature almost immediately it is made,
- is enhanced by the importance of the speaker.
-
- THE FIRST LAW OF FAMILY FRICTION:
- A womans finantial needs are five pounds more than the money
- available.
-
- THE SECOND LAW OF FAMILY FRICTION:
- A womans dressing time expands to fill the time that isnt available.
-
- THE WAVELENGTH PARADOX:
- Find a good tune on the radio and its followed by the news - in Dutch.
-
- THE LAW OF FORWARD MOTION:
- In any thoroughfare where two vehicles are to pass, this will always
- occur at the point where the only other vehicle in sight is parked.
-
- LAW OF FORWARD MOTION AMENDMENT:
- Stopping behind a car in the right-hand lane at traffic lights makes
- the driver ahead signal a right turn.
-
- LAW OF FORWARD MOTION AMENDMENT 2:
- Having driven miles on an empty road, a car will always appear in the
- opposite direction when you want to turn right.
-
- LYNCHS LAW:
- If you have just bought something at a bargain price and ask the wife
- to guess how much you paid, she will always give a figure less than
- you actually paid.
-
- LYNCHS LAW ADAPTATION:
- Buy something today and tomorrow someone could have got it for you
- cheaper.
-
- ENTICKNAPS LAW:
- When an employee leaves, the replacement will know less, do less, and
- be paid more.
-
- THE FACE SAVERS LAW:
- The greater the importance of the event being prepared for, the worse
- the shaving cut.
-
- THE MEASURE OF INCREASING IMPORTANCE:
- A mans importance is proportional to the distance from his office
- door to the desk in feet multiplied by the thickness of his office
- carpet in centimetres.
-
- HOUSEWIFES LAW:
- The sudden disappearance of family is due to the readiness of food.
-
- HOUSEWIFES SECOND LAW:
- The speed at which you tidy up equals the time available before the
- guests arrive.
-
- HOUSEWIFES THIRD LAW:
- The number of utensils needed to prepare a meal is equal to the number
- of utensils available in the kitchen.
-
- THE PHONE DIRECTORY DICTUM:
- Where two people have the same name and initials in a telephone
- directory, you will dial the wrong person.
-
- ORIGIN GB7YHF