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Text File  |  1999-09-15  |  11.2 KB  |  252 lines
  1. #newformat
  2. _title:Curse Generator
  3. _author:TJS
  4. _description:Generates random curses
  5.  
  6. _insert-in:inhead
  7.    <SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript" TYPE="text/javascript">
  8. <!-- Begin
  9. isn1="*00Your mouth spews*01You are*02Your mother wears*03Your"
  10. +" Village Priest is*04Your Eleventh Child will be*05Your Mate"
  11. +"rnal Ancestors are*06Your Personal Trainer is*07Your spouse "
  12. +"thinks you are*08Your mind resembles*09Your chances for the "
  13. +"future are*10Your mother-in-law loves*11Your closest friend "
  14. +"is*12Your breath resembles*13Your right nostril is dripping*"
  15. +"14Your politics are*15Your cherished desires are*16Your next"
  16. +" meal should be*17Your bedroom resembles*18Your refrigerator"
  17. +" smells like*19Your manners are no better than*20I saw you e"
  18. +"ating and enjoying*21Next Friday you will consume*22May you "
  19. +"wallow in*23May you swim in*24May you drown in*25May you tak"
  20. +"e simple pleasure in*26May you find your hot tub filled with"
  21. +"*27May you find your kitchen sink overflowing with*28May you"
  22. +" be immersed in*29You secretly aspire to drink*30May you din"
  23. +"e often on*31May you be caught dining on*32May you become an"
  24. +" obsessive collector of*33May you find your car filled with*"
  25. +"34May you blurt out that your boss is the*35Your garden shou"
  26. +"ld be flooded with*36May your basement overflow with*37May y"
  27. +"our underwear be filled with*38May your drawers be filled wi"
  28. +"th*39May you float forever in*40May your feet be encased in*"
  29. +"41May you be forever entombed in*42I hate to tell you, but t"
  30. +"here, caught in your teeth is*43May you step in*44May your c"
  31. +"aptors feed you on*45The talk around the office is that you "
  32. +"eat*46May your private parts be encrusted with*47May the sta"
  33. +"ins on your clothing be only*48May your porridge be infused "
  34. +"with*49Your sock drawer is now filled with*50Your supervisor"
  35. +" secretly saves*51Caution: Someone knows about your foot fetish"
  36. +"*52May you die of*53Remeber that day you first tasted"
  37. +"*54May all your wastebaskets suddently overflow wit"
  38. +"h*55May your roof drip*56May you be without garlic to spice "
  39. +"your meal of *57May your trough be filled with*58May your hi"
  40. +"p pockets overflow with*59May your doctor prescribe*60May yo"
  41. +"u trip and fall into*61Yeah? Well, your Mentor wears combat "
  42. +"boots filled with*62So what if I like anchovies and*63You re"
  43. +"lish*64I'm going to tell.  You play with*65Your body reeks o"
  44. +"f*66May your in-basket overflow with*67May your inlaws learn"
  45. +" of your fondness for*68May you smear yourself with*69Your w"
  46. +"ish is granted: drink*70Everyone knows you bathe in*71"; 
  47. isn2="*00aniline*01virescent*02aquamarine*03ashy*04atramentous"
  48. +"*05aureate*06bloody*07bluish*08brinded*09bronze*10cadaverous"
  49. +"*11cadmium*12carmine*13carnadine*14carroty*15cerulean*16citr"
  50. +"ine*17cloudy*18cochineal*19crimson*20crude*21cyanic*22cymoph"
  51. +"anous*23dappled*24diaphanous*25dingy*26drab*27dun*28emerald*"
  52. +"29erubescent*30fallow*31flashy*32flavous*33florid*34florid*3"
  53. +"5foggy*36fulvid*37fulvous*38fuscous*39garish*40gaudy*41gauzy"
  54. +"*42ghastly*43glaucous*44gray*45greenish*46harlequin*47hueles"
  55. +"s*48impervious*49infuscated*50iridescent*51jaundiced*52khaki"
  56. +"*53lack-luster*54lavender*55leaden*56limpid*57liver-colored*"
  57. +"58lurid*59luteous*60mantled*61maroon*62matted*63milky*64mist"
  58. +"y*65misty*66motley*67mottled*68ocherous*69opacous*70opaline*"
  59. +"71orangish*72pallid*73pallorous*74pellucid*75piebald*76polyc"
  60. +"hromatic*77porraceous*78puce*79purplish*80red*81roseate*82ro"
  61. +"uged*83rubicund*84ruddy*85russet*86rusty*87rusty*88sallow*89"
  62. +"sacharine*90scarlet*91shady*92skewbald*93smalty*94smoky*95ye"
  63. +"llowish*96somber*97striated*98tallowy*99";
  64. isn3="*00abomination*01soilure*02abscess*03averruncation*04bel"
  65. +"ch*05carbuncle*06caries*07carrion*08catamenia*09cesspool*10c"
  66. +"heese-parings*11coarseness*12compost*13contaminate*14contami"
  67. +"nation*15coprolite*16corruption*17dandruff*18decay*19defedat"
  68. +"ion*20defilement*21discharge*22disgorgement*23draff*24draggl"
  69. +"etail*25drainage*26dregs*27drool*28dry-rot*29dung*30dunghill"
  70. +"*31dunghill*32earth-closet*33effusion*34eliminant*35emanatio"
  71. +"n*36emission*37eructate*38evacuation*39excrement*40excreta*4"
  72. +"1excretion*42expectorate*43extravasation*44exudation*45fecul"
  73. +"ence*46fetor*47filth*48foulings*49foulness*50garbage*51grime"
  74. +"*52guano*53hog-wash*54immundity*55impurity*56infection*57kec"
  75. +"k*58leucorrhea*59maggots*60manure*61matter*62mildew*63mire*6"
  76. +"4mold*65mucidness*66muck*67mucor*68mud*69nastiness*70off-scu"
  77. +"m*71offal*72ordure*73paracentesis*74perspiration*75pollution"
  78. +"*76purulence*77pus*78putrescence*79quagmire*80refuse*81rheum"
  79. +"*82rot*83rubigo*84scurf*85secretion*86silt*87slabber*88slave"
  80. +"r*89slime*90slobber*91slop*92slosh*93slubber*94sludge*95slus"
  81. +"h*96smudge*97smutch*98soiliness*99";
  82. isn4="*00accreting*01accruing*02aggrandizing*03aggravating*04a"
  83. +"scending*05augmenting*06billowing*07biting*08breathing*09bro"
  84. +"wsing*10budding*11cacating*12caressing*13cherishing*14chewin"
  85. +"g*15chomping*16clasping*17coddling*18coveting*19craving*20cr"
  86. +"eating*21cuddling*22dandling*23dilating*24distending*25dottl"
  87. +"ing*26draining*27dripping*28ejecting*29eliminating*30evacuat"
  88. +"ing*31exhaling*32expanding*33expelling*34extending*35extrava"
  89. +"sating*36exuding*37fingering*38fondling*39foraging*40gnawing"
  90. +"*41growing*42heaving*43imbedding*44infusing*45ingesting*46in"
  91. +"tumescing*47kissing*48licking*49littering*50masticating*51mu"
  92. +"ltiplying*52needing*53nestling*54nuzzling*55obtruding*56obtu"
  93. +"ding*57ogling*58oozing*59osculating*60patulating*61plucking*" +"62plundering*63protruding*64puffing*65pugging*66puking*67pur"
  94. +"sing*68ravening*69regurgitating*70rejecting*71relishing*72re" +"quiring*73ruining*74savoring*75savoring*76secreting*77sippin"
  95. +"g*78smelling*79smothering*80sneezing*81spoiling*82stealing*8"
  96. +"3subjoining*84subsisting*85succoring*86sucking*87supping*88s"
  97. +"wigging*89swilling*90sheep-eyeing*91tasting*92tasting*93thie"
  98. +"ving*94tippling*95touching*96turgescing*97wanting*98waxing*99";
  99. isn5="*00anterior cavity*01anterior gland*02anterior hole*03an"
  100. +"terior muscle*04anterior orifice*05anterior pores*06dirt cav"
  101. +"ity*07dirt hole*08dirt orifice*09dirt pores*10excreting cavi"
  102. +"ty*11excreting gullet*12excreting holes*13excreting hollow*1"
  103. +"4excreting nooks*15excreting orifices*16excreting slot*17exc"
  104. +"reting void*18eye orifices*19eye pores*20eye voids*21navel o"
  105. +"rifice*22ooze cavity*23ooze gullet*24ooze hole*25ooze nooks*"
  106. +"26ooze orifices*27ooze slot*28ooze void*29refuse cavity*30re"
  107. +"fuse gullet*31refuse hole*32refuse hollow*33refuse nooks*34r"
  108. +"efuse orifice*35refuse slot*36refuse spaces*37refuse void*38"
  109. +"secret cavity*39secret gland*40secret hole*41secret muscle*4"
  110. +"2secret orifice*43secret pore*44secret slot*45secret void*46"
  111. +"slime cavity*47slime gullet*48slime hole*49slime hollow*50sl"
  112. +"ime muscle*51slime nooks*52slime openings*53slime orifices*5"
  113. +"4slime pores*55slime slot*56slime spaces*57slime void*58swea"
  114. +"t cavities*59sweat cavity*60sweat gullet*61sweat hole*62swea"
  115. +"t hollow*63sweat nooks*64sweat openings*65sweat orifices*66s"
  116. +"weat pores*67sweat slot*68sweat spaces*69sweat void*70undera"
  117. +"rm cavity*71underarm gullet*72underarm hole*73underarm hollo"
  118. +"w*74underarm muscle*75underarm nooks*76underarm openings*77u"
  119. +"nderarm orifices*78underarm pores*79underarm slot*80underarm"
  120. +" spaces*81underarm void*82unmentionable cavity*83unmentionab"
  121. +"le gullet*84unmentionable hole*85unmentionable hollow*86unme"
  122. +"ntionable muscle*87unmentionable nook*88unmentionable openin"
  123. +"gs*89unmentionable orifices*90unmentionable pores*91unmentio"
  124. +"nable slot*92unmentionable spaces*93unmentionable void*94war"
  125. +"t cavity*95wart gullet*96wart holes*97wart hollows*98wart no"
  126. +"oks*99";
  127. isn6="*00Bluthian*01Neranian*02Warterian*03Xanterian*04Bexian*"
  128. +"05Cledugian*06Chugnetian*07Chyderian*08Dygian*09Danthian*10D"
  129. +"eechnetian*11Eegrudgian*12Eichhornian*13Foognidian*14Fuhbagi"
  130. +"an*15Fidwoortian*16Fahdgian*17Feeshian*18Gharzan*19Gaazhogia"
  131. +"n*20Geeshworgian*21Gitchshidian*22Goopragian*23Gughokian*24H"
  132. +"aagpokian*25Herwadian*26Hijkakian*27Hoolpodian*28Huquadian*2"
  133. +"9Jadtypian*30Jezchupian*31Jymptordian*32Kurkian*33Koodgian*3"
  134. +"4Lyxian*35Madrigian*36Nastian*37Abysmian*38Ickian*39Vomitian"
  135. +"*40Putridgian*41Quensbian*42Tawgrian*43Perdian*44Tiliwidian*"
  136. +"45Czerian*46Sizludian*47Kherbugian*48Quisnaglian*49Xertydigi"
  137. +"an*50Mudgrubbian*51Boogfudian*52Lilgoogian*53Luthdrungian*54"
  138. +"Jugrudian*55Derrydinian*56Vudgnagian*57Vooptedgian*58Quooxmu"
  139. +"dgian*59Babbletogian*60Bugturgoorian*61Hogsodian*62Trufpatia"
  140. +"n*63Sowslinkian*64Crabkrudian*65Chartreudian*66Schnigerian*6"
  141. +"7Zitsneakian*68Cystrigian*69Crongian*70Kterigadian*71";
  142. isn7="*00Slizidge*01Burtidge*02Tisd*03Turt*04Bunt*05Burd*06Sac"
  143. +"und*07Trund*08Crezd*09Hnot*10Jeck*11Kontluger*12Chitter*13Ch"
  144. +"unt*14Chooytop*15Chingdap*16Dyagenob*17Dugwart*18Pooper*19Ug"
  145. +"ly*20Abomination*21Fudwhomper*22Turtleg*23Waggletop*24Yaghor"
  146. +"d*25Marmwarb*26Yemzid*27Phutgrab*28Fetsmell*29Schaber*30Nerd"
  147. +"nort*31Papperflabian*32Nudnuge*33Whiperbirt*34Sibbergrunt*35"
  148. +"Saberdunt*36Thigwhip*37Whippinthig*38Zyzygdung*39Papchung*40"
  149. +"Stinkbug*41Fardschid*42Yellowsnot*43Mucousdripper*44Purplebu"
  150. +"tt*45Hemorhonk*46Bladderpuff*47Hohogridge*48Klitbunkit*49Wax"
  151. +"slimer*50Footfungus*51Floppydwart*52Danglidwid*53Slimepole*5"
  152. +"4Sillywalker*55Flat Toed Whump*56Clingbeetle*57Leecheater*58"
  153. +"Maggotdangler*59Windpasser*60Fondlepiddle*61Crotchbug*62Toes"
  154. +"meller*63Slimemaggot*64Navelworm*65Earspider*66Noseleech*67N"
  155. +"ostrilworm*68Wedgiewart*69Cankerlicker*70Pimple Popper*71"; 
  156. var picker = "";
  157. var picker1 = "";
  158. var pos = 0;
  159. var pose = 0;
  160. var curse = "";
  161. var hinum = 0;
  162. var ndx1 = "";
  163. var ndx2 = "";
  164. function srand() {
  165. today=new Date();
  166. rand=today.getTime();
  167. picker="a"+rand;
  168. picker=picker.charAt((picker.length-4))
  169. +picker.charAt((picker.length-5));
  170. pos=picker;
  171. }
  172. function getCurse(form) {
  173. srand();
  174. hinum=70;
  175. correct_it();
  176. pos=isn1.indexOf(ndx1);
  177. pose=isn1.indexOf(ndx2);
  178. curse=isn1.substring((pos+3),pose);
  179. srand();
  180. hinum = 98;
  181. correct_it();
  182. pos=isn2.indexOf(ndx1);
  183. pose=isn2.indexOf(ndx2);
  184. curse+=" the "+isn2.substring((pos+3),pose);
  185. srand();
  186. hinum=98;
  187. correct_it();
  188. pos=isn3.indexOf(ndx1);
  189. pose = isn3.indexOf(ndx2);
  190. curse+=" "+isn3.substring((pos+3),pose)+"\r";
  191. srand();
  192. hinum=98;
  193. correct_it();
  194. pos=isn4.indexOf(ndx1);
  195. pose=isn4.indexOf(ndx2);
  196. curse+=isn4.substring((pos+3),pose);
  197. srand();
  198. hinum=98;
  199. correct_it();
  200. pos=isn5.indexOf(ndx1);
  201. pose=isn5.indexOf(ndx2);
  202. curse+=" from the "+isn5.substring((pos+3),pose);
  203. srand();
  204. hinum=70;
  205. correct_it();
  206. pos=isn6.indexOf(ndx1);
  207. pose=isn6.indexOf(ndx2);
  208. curse+=" of a "+isn6.substring((pos+3),pose);
  209. srand();
  210. hinum=70;
  211. correct_it();
  212. pos = isn7.indexOf(ndx1);
  213. pose = isn7.indexOf(ndx2);
  214. curse+=" "+isn7.substring((pos+3),pose)+".";
  215. }
  216.  function correct_it() {
  217. if (pos<0) {
  218. pos=00;
  219. }
  220. if (pos>hinum) {
  221. pos=pos-30;
  222. }
  223. ndx1="*"+pos;
  224. pos++;
  225. if (pos<10) {
  226. ndx2="*0"+pos;
  227. }
  228. else {
  229. ndx2="*"+pos;
  230.    }
  231. }
  232. function getReload() {
  233. history.go(0);
  234. }
  235. // End -->
  236. </SCRIPT>
  237. _end-insert:
  238.  
  239. _insert-in:inbody
  240. <SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript" TYPE="text/javascript">
  241. <!-- Begin
  242. getCurse();
  243. document.write("<TABLE WIDTH=486 BORDER=2><TR><TD ALIGN=CENTER>" + "<FONT SIZE='+2' COLOR='maroon'><B>" + curse + "</B></TD></TR></TABLE>");
  244. // End Hiding -->
  245. </SCRIPT>
  246. <TABLE WIDTH=486 BORDER="0">
  247. <TR><TD ALIGN=CENTER>
  248. <FORM METHOD=POST>
  249. <P><INPUT TYPE="button" VALUE="Click Here for a New Curse" onClick="getReload()">
  250. </FORM>
  251. </TD></TR></TABLE>
  252. _end-insert: