Amiga Format 109

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Text File | 1998-02-12 | 8KB | 297 lines

trust no-one fiddle with knobs make obscene phone calls put your trust in God put your trust in Allah put your trust Great Cthulhu put your trust in Yog-Sothoth put your trust in Satan put your trust in Buddha put your trust in Vishnu put your trust in the Wee Free's put your trust in the next cat you see put your trust in this program put your trust in Gerry McNee put your trust in Aarf, king of the Dolphins turn the other cheek toin left at Albequoique try to get paid in advance vote anarchist find out what geeks did before Star Trek was invented find out what geeks did before trains were invented find out what geeks did before CB was invented find out what geeks did before Dr Who was invented find out what geeks did before God was invented find out what geeks did before M:TG was invented find out what geeks did before TV was invented find out what geeks did before cricket was invented find out what geeks did before computers were invented find out what geeks did before V:TM was invented let machines do the dirty work live a clean, healthy life live life to the max live life to the min live in a field live within your income live on your nerves have sex with someone you love, masturbate never believe what a computer tells you never eat anything larger than your head never insult an alligator never settle with words what you can settle with a flame thrower never vomit on a door mat never teach a pig to sing never take other peoples advice pay attention or you'll miss all the best jokes ignore all previous conpiracy theories you have heard about find the meaning of life in the Simpsons find the meaning of life in Red Dwarf find the meaning of life in Yentl silence those who oppose free speech start the day with a smile, get it over with eat dung eat a clove of garlic a day play leapfrog with a unicorn alienate aliens alienate Tories alienate Them alienate It check the phase of the moon frequently have a palm reading before leaving your house sell sand to the Arabs sell water to fish out Batman out Superman become a gynacologist and look up a friend today curse all animal lovers talk to the trees cast the "talk to clouds" spell beware of Geeks bearing gifts beware of Greeks bearing gifts beware of the Jewish Mafia, Kosher Nostra beware of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger don't believe in miracles, rely on them don't underestimate the power of the Force refuse to eat during a full moon eat yellow snow drive defensively, buy a tank eschew obfuscation find a cure for rampant sexuality summon Yog Sothoth fight for apathy Go directly to jail. Do not Pass Go, do not collect £200 sleep under trees during thunder storms work out how many weeks are in a light year shout "beauty is over-rated" where ever you go pull the metal strips out of banknotes expose the reality of Cthulhu throw eggs at John Major travel around on a space hopper worship the Dark Gods do it for cash kill the monsters under your bed shag sheep suck your own toes for a change commit seppuku prove that Clive Dunn is Jack the Ripper go cow spotting make John Major look interesting eat your greens watch German porn films backwards wash constantly watch Coronation Street only wear clothes made of red rubber only wear clothes made of nettles only wear clothes made of spandex wear corduroy pants wear a mumu at all times wear sexy female undergarments watch Pob think happy thoughts keep taking the pills call me take all your clothes off stop telling lies tell everyone you meet your personal JFK assassination theory use old toe-nail clippings as tooth-picks constantly quote from Quentin Tarintino films wear barbed wire undergarments use the word "Yaah" in every sentence love everybody pretend to be the Marquis De Sade at weekends sing Iron Maiden songs backwards use a pair of plyers to get Medieval on their ass use the mantra "AD&D Sucks" when meditating end every sentence with the phrase "Hail Satan" end every sentence with the phrase "Praise the lord, Amen" torture puppies have a constant erection have sex -A LOT- have sex at least once in your life get a girlfriend get a boyfriend stop lusting after Pamela Anderson get out more get out less (not difficult for Trekkies) get castrated shoot Gerry McNee (Please!) sit on it sit on Them sit it out watch Cowdenbeath FC insist you are the incarnation of Alexander the Greats Chief Eunuch insist you are sane pretend you are a cat at weekends become a recluse at weekends become a recluse get a brain transplant get a lobotomy Get Smart fondle small fluffy toys lust after anything in a skirt lust after Pammy lust after anything that breathes insist you are completely ga-ga marry a priest marry your dog marry your cat marry the first woman you see marry every woman you see wax the ceiling loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car drop your cat from a high place rearrange political campaign signs sharpen your teeth play Houdini with one of your siblings braid your dogs hair clean and polish your belly button water your dog and see if he grows wash a tree knight yourself and some close friends flirt with an evergreen scare Steven King give your cat a mohawk purr mow your carpet rake your carpet whine play Pat Boone records backwards re-elect Richard Nixon dress like your favorite Heavy Metal group listen to a painting play with matches buff your cat raise professional racing ferrets paint your home day-glo orange dial-a-Prayer and argue read Homer in the original Greek learn Greek change your mind watch the sun and see if it moves recite romantic poetry to your toaster paint your windows flash your goldfish paint smile paint a smile Shoot at a fire hydrant build a small nuclear device in your basement rotate your garden and daily plant a shoe sweat give an Ink-Blot Test to your gerbil take apart all your major kitchen appliances mix and match the parts turn your TV picture tube upside down take your sofa for a walk write a letter to Plato mail it start stop dial 999 and breath heavily. go to a funeral and tell jokes put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets carry a tune starch your shoes contemplate a cockroach get a dog to chase your car form a political party throw a political party climb a sidewalk ride a loaf of bread annoy yourself get angry with yourself stop speaking to yourself kiss and make-up stand on your head stand on someone else's head learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire build a pyramid paint your teeth wear a salad speak with a forked tongue MAKE a drive in window at your local bank walk on water but DON'T get caught shave a shrub have a proton fight watch a car rust quiver confess to a crime that you didn't commit learn to type with your toes buy the Brooklyn Bridge be in the wrong place at the right time be someone special plot the overthrow of your local School Board request covert assistance from the CIA factor your social security number take the fifth Take the sixth read the 1962 Des Moines White Pages join the Foreign Legion learn to write Sanskrit learn to read Sanskrit exist (existentially of course) search for buried treasure in Nebraska hot wax the bottoms of your brother's dress shoes print counterfeit Confederate money kick a cabbage take a picture put it back go back to square one sand a mushroom find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor play solitare for cash abuse your patio furniture run for Pope write a book about a previous life count to a million fast have your cat bronzed make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins revert sleep on a bed of nails don't toss and turn think shallow thoughts run around in squares boil ice cream sterilize your stereo with Jack Daniels carve your girl/boyfriends initials in a marshmallow converse with a flatworm speak in acronyms drive the speed limit in your garage make a schematic drawing of a rock be a rabid Boxcar Willi fan sing the National Anthem during your calculus final pay off the national debt with a bad check calmly have a nervous breakdown give your goldfish a perm fly a brick play tag on the nearest interstate excorsize a ghost exersize a ghost go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people paint stripes on a lake ski Kansas wear a bowler hat test thin ice with a pogo stick apply for a Unicorn Hunting License