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***** ╒NDOCUMENTED ┴SSEMBLY ╠ANGUAGE ╔NSTRUCTIONS ***** ┴╠╥ - ┴╠TER ╥ECORD ┴╥┌ - ┴DD AND ╥ESET TO ┌ERO ┴╫┴ - ┴CCESS ╫RONG ┴DDRESS ┬┬┬ - ┬RANCH ON ┬IT ┬UCKET ┬┬╔ - ┬RANCH ON ┬URNED OUT ╔NDICATOR ┬╨╧ - ┬RANCH ON ╨OWER ╧FF ┬╥┬ - ┬╥ANCH ON ┬EAVER ┬╥╚ - ┬╥ANCH AND ╚ANG. ┬╥╠ - ┬╥ANCH AND ╠EAK ┬╥╧ - ┬╥ANCH AND ╧VERHEAT ┬╙─ - ┬ACK╙PACE ─ISK ┬╙╔ - ┬ACK UP ╙EWER ╔MMEDIATE ┬╫┴ - ┬RANCH TO ╫RONG ┴DDRESS ├┴═ - ├LEAR ┴LL ═EMORY ├┬╚ - ├REATE ┬LACK ╚OLE ├╚╔ - ├RASH ╚EADS ╔MMEDIATE ├╬╔ - ├REATE ╬EW ╔NSTRUCTION ─┴├ - ─ISABLE ┴IR ├ONDITIONER ─┴═ - ─ECREMENT ┴LL ═EMORY ─┴╨ - ─ELETE ┴LL ╨RIVILEDGES. ─┬┬ - ─ELETE ┬OOT ┬LOCK ─┬─ - ─IVIDE ┬Y ─ATE ─┬╤ - ─ELETE ┬ATCH ╤UEUE ─╞┴ - ─ISABLE ╞┴NS ─╔┴ - ─EVELOP ╔NEFFECTIVE ┴DDRESS ─╔┼ - ─╔SABLE ┼VERYTHING ─╔╞ - ─╔SABLE ╞USES ─╔╟ - ─╔SABLE ╟RAVITY ─╔╚ - ─ISABLE ╔NTERRUPTS AND ╚ANG ─═╨ - ─ESTROY ═EMORY ╨ROTECT KEY ─╧╓ - ─IVIDE AND ╧╓ERFLOW ─╨═ - ─ISABLE ╨ROGRAMMER.S ═IND ─╨╨ - ─ELETE ╨ROGRAMMER'S ╨AYCHECK ─╥┴ - ─ESTROY ╥ETURN ┴DDRESS ─╥├ - ─ESTROY ╥EGISTER ├ONTENTS ─╙┴ - ─ISABLE ╙MOKE ┴LARM ─╫╞ - ─ELETE ╫RONG ╞ILE ┼┴─ - ┼RASE ┴LL ─ATA ┼┴╔ - ┼XECUTE ┴NY ╔NSTRUCTION ┼┴╠ - ┼NABLE ┴├ VOLTAGE TO ╠OGIC RACK ┼┴╧ - ┼NABLE ┴├ VOLTAGE TO ╧PERATOR ┼┴╨ - ┼NABLE ┴LL ╨RIVILEDGES ┼┴╘ - ┼RASE ┴LL ╘ERMINALS ┼┬┬ - ┼NABLE ┬IT ┬UCKET ┼├╨ - ┼RASE ├ARD ╨UNCH ┼╔╧ - ┼XECUTE ╔NVALID ╧P-CODE ┼╩─ - ┼╩ECT ─ISK ┼╩═ - ┼╩ECT ═EMORY ┼╠╨ - ┼RASE ╠INE ╨RINTER ┼╬┴ - ┼╬ABLE ┴NYTHING ┼╬┼ - ┼╬ABLE ┼VERYTHING ┼╬╟ - ┼╬ABLE ╟RAVITY ┼╧╙ - ┼RASE ╧PERATING ╙YSTEM ┼╨─ - ┼RASE ╨ROGRAMMER ─ISK ┼╨═ - ┼NABLE ╨ROGRAMMER'S ═IND ┼╥─ - ┼NABLE ╥ANDOM ─EVICE ┼╥╙ - ┼RASE ╥EAD ONLY ╙TORAGE ┼╙─ - ┼RASE ╙YSTEM ─ISK ┼╙╨ - ┼NABLE ╙╨RINKLER SYSTEM ┼╪┼ - ┼╪ECUTE ┼NGINEER ┼╪╧ - ┼╪ECUTE ╧PERATOR ┼╪╨ - ┼╪ECUTE ╨ROGRAMMER. ╞┬┬ - ╞IND ┬IT ┬UCKET ╞├┴ - ╞ORGET ├URRENT ┴DDRESS ╞├╩ - ╞EED ├ARD AND ╩AM ╞╠═ - ╞IND ╠OST ═EMORY. ╞╧─ - ╞IND ╧LD ─ATA ╞╧╧ - ╞╧RMULATE ╧PINION ╞╙╔ - ╞ORGET ╙TANDARD ╔NSTRUCTIONS ╞╙╥ - ╞ORM ╙KIP AND ╥UNAWAY ╞╫─ - ╞IND ╫RONG ─ATA ╟┴╨ - ╟IVE ┴LL ╨RIVILEDGES ╟╥┼ - ╟ENERATE ╥ANDOM ┼RRORS ╟╥╥ - ╟ENERATE ╥ANDOM ╥ECORD ╚┴═ - ╚ALT ┴T ═IDNIGHT ╚├╞ - ╚ALT AND ├ATCH ╞IRE ╚╔╧ - ╚ALT ╔/╧ ╚╧╞ - ╚ALT ╧N ╞RIDAY ╚╨╧ - ╚ALT ON ╨OWER ╧N. ╚╫┬ - ╚ALT ╫HEN ┬USY ╚╫╨ - ╚AGGLE ╫ITH ╨ROGRAMMER ╔┴═ - ╔NCREMENT ┴LL ═EMORY ╔┴╨ - ╔GNORE ┴LL ╨RIVILEDGES ╔┼╥ - ╔GNORE ┼╥RORS ╔╞┼ - ╔GNORE ╞IELD ┼NGINEER ╔╤╔ - ╔N╤UIRE AND ╔GNORE ╔╙╫ - ╔GNORE ╙TATUS ╫ORD ╩╠╨ - ╩UMP AND ╠OSE ╨OINTER ╩╠╥ - ╩UMP AND ╠OSE ╥ETURN. ╩╧┬ - ╩UMP ╧N ┬EAVER ╩╫╥ - ╩UMP ╫ITHOUT ╥EASON ╠┬┬ - ╠OAD INTO ┬IT ┬UCKET ╠═─ - ╠OAD ═ODIFIED ─ATA. ╠╧═ - ╠╧CK ═EMORY ╠╨═ - ╠OCATE ╨ROGRAMMER'S ═IND ╠╨╧ - ╠OOP ON ╨OWER ╧N ╠╥┬ - ╠OSE ╥ECORD AND ┬RANCH ╠╙─ - ╠OSE ╙YSTEM ─ISK ╠╙╨ - ╠OSE ╙TACK ╨OINTER ╠╙╙ - ╠EAVE ╙OLAR ╙YSTEM ╠╘╙ - ╠OOP ╘IL IT ╙MOKES ╠╒┴ - ╠OAD ╒NDEFINED ┴DDRESS ╠╒╧ - ╠OG ╒SERS ╧FF ╠╒═ - ╠╒BRICATE ═EMORY ╠╒╓ - ╠EAVE ╒NI╓ERSE ╠╓╟ - ╠EA╓E ╟ALAXY ═╠╥ - ═OVE AND ╠OSE ╥ECORD ══╞ - ═ELT ═AIN ╞RAME ═╧╥ - ═╧DIFY ╥ECORD ═╫├ - ═OVE AND ╫RAP ├ORE ╬├╫ - ╬OTCH ├ARRIAGE AND GUIDE╫AY ╧├─ - ╧PEN ├ABINET ─OOR ╧╧╨ - ╧FFER ╧╨INION ╧╨╙ - ╧VERLOAD ╨OWER ╙UPPLY ╨┴╙ - ╨REDICT OUTCOME ┴ND ╙KIP ╨┬├ - ╨RINT AND ┬REAK ├HAIN ╨┬╫ - ╨RINT ┬ACK╫ARDS ╨├─ - ╨UN├H ─ISK ╨╔├ - ╨RINT ╔NVALID ├HARACTER ╥┬╨ - ╥EVERSE ┬IT ╨ATTERN ╥├╥ - ╥EWIND ├ARD ╥EADER ╥├╙ - ╥EAD ├ARD AND ╙CRAMBLE DATA ╥─╔ - ╥EWIND ─ISK ╔MMEDIATE ╥╔╟ - ╥EAD ╔NTER-RECORD ╟AP ╥╠╨ - ╥EAD ╠INE ╨RINTER ╥╬╥ - ╥EAD ╬OISE ╥ECORD ╥╨┬ - ╥EVERSE ╨ARITY AND ┬RANCH ╥╨╨ - ╥IP ╨RINTER ╨APER ╥╨═ - ╥EAD ╨ROGRAMMERS ═IND ╥╨╥ - ╥EVERSE ╨╥INTER ╥╨╘ - ╥IP ╨APER ╘APE ╥╙╘ - ╥EWIND AND ╙TRETCH ╘APE ╥╘╨ - ╥EDUCE ╘HRU╨UT ╥╫├ - ╥E╫IND AND ├RASH DISK HEADS ╥╫─ - ╥E╫IND ─ISK ╥╫╞ - ╥EAD ╫RONG ╞ILE ╥╫═ - ╥E╫IND ═EMORY ╥╫╨ - ╥E╫IND ╨ROGRAMMER ╥╫╥ - ╥EAD ╫RONG ╥ECORD ╥╫╘ - ╥EAD & ╫RITE WHILE STRETCHING ╘APE ╙┴╨ - ╙WITCH ┴LL ╨OINTERS ╙┬┬ - ╙EARCH ┬IT ┬UCKET ╙├╨ - ╙├ATTER ╨RINTER ╙─┬ - ╙PIN ─ISK ┬ACKWARDS ╙═┴ - ╙CRAMBLE ═EMORY ┴DDRESS ╙╨╧ - ╙WITCH ╨OWER ╧FF ╙╥┌ - ╙UBTRACT AND ╥ESET TO ┌ERO ╙╙─ - ╙TACKER ╙ELECT ─ISK ╙╙╩ - ╙ELECT ╙TACKER AND ╩AM ╙╙═ - ╙ELECT ╙TACKER ═EMORY ╙╙╨ - ╙EEK ╙╨INDLE ╙╙╫ - ╙CRAMBLE ╙TATUS ╫ORD ╙╫╘ - ╙ELECT ╫RONG ╘ERMINAL ╘╥─ - ╘╥ANSFER AND ─ROP BIT ╒┴┬ - ╒SE ┴┬ACUS ╒├┬ - ╒NCOUPLE ├OMMUNICATION LINES & ┬REAK ╒┼╥ - ╒PDATE AND ┼RASE ╥ECORD ╓╞┼ - ╓IOLATE ╞IELD ┼NGINEER ╓╞╧ - ╓IOLATE ╞EMALE ╧PERATOR ╓╟╥ - ╓ERIFY ╟╥AVITY ╓═┴ - ╓IOLATE ═AINTENANCE ┴GREEMENT ╓═╨ - ╓IOLATE ═EMORY ╨ROTECT ╫╨═ - ╫RITE ╨ROGRAMMER'S ═IND ╫╫╨ - ╫RITE ╫RONG ╨ARITY ╫╫╥ - ╫RITE ╫RONG ╥ECORD ┘╨├ - ┘ANK ON ╨OWER ├ORD. ┌┴─ - ┌ERO ┴LL ─ATA ***** ┴CRONYMS ***** ┴╧╙ ---- ┴WFUL ╧PERATING ╙YSTEM ┴╠╒ ---- ┴RTHRITIC ╠OGIC ╒NIT ┴╙├╔╔╔ - ┴MERICAN ╙TANDARD ├ODE FOR ╔NTERCHANGING ╔RRELEVANT ╔NFORMATION ┬╥╒ ---- ┬ASIC ╥EWIND ╒TILITY ├┴─ ---- ├OMPUTER-┴IDED ─ELAY ─┼┬┼ --- ─OES ┼VERYTHING ┬UT ┼AT ┼╫╧═ --- ┼RASABLE ╫RITE ╧NLY ═EMORY ╟╔╟╧ --- ╟OSPEL ╔N, ╟ARBAGE ╧UT ╔┬═ ---- ╔RISH ┬USINESS ═ACHINES ╔═╨ ---- ╔NTEGRATED ═ORTICIANS ╨ACKAGE ╔╥╙ ---- ╔NTERNAL ╥EVISION ╙ERVICE ╔╙┴═ --- ╔NTRINSICALLY ╙LOW ┴CCESS ═ETHOD ╔╙╧ ---- ╔NCREDIBLE ╙TANDARDS ╧RGANIZATION ╠╔╞╧ --- ╠OGICAL ╔NPUT, ╞OULED ╧UTPUT ╠╔╬╧ --- ╠AST ╔N, ╬EVER ╧UT ═├╥ ---- ═ASTER ├OMMAND ╥EJECTOR ═╔├╥ --- ═AGNETIC ╔NK ├HARACTER ╥EJECTION ╬╔╚ ---- ╬OT ╔NVENTED ╚ERE ╧├╥ ---- ╧PTICAL ├HARACTER ╥EJECTION ╧┼═ ---- ╧BSCURE ┼QUIPMENT ═ETHODOLOGY ╧╙ ----- ╧UT╙IZED ╨╧═ ---- ╨HASE ╧F THE ═OON ╨╘╞ ---- ╨ERMANENT ╘EMPORARY ╞IX ╥─╧╙ --- ╥EAL ─UMB ╧PERATING ╙YSTEM ╙╚╔╘ --- ╙QUARE ╚OLES ╔N ╘APE ╙╬┴ ---- ╙CAPEGOAT ╬ETWORK ┴RCHITECTURE ╙╧┬ ---- ╙AME ╧LD ┬INARY ╘╨─ ---- ╘RIVIAL ╨ROGRAM ─IAGNOSTIC ╘╙╧ ---- ╘HE ╙LOW ╧NE ╒╟ ----- ╒NI╟OOFY "╘HE ╞IELD ╙ERVICE ┴NTHEM" ╘AKE ME OUT TO THE MAINFRAME, ╘AKE ME OUT TO THE DISK ╟IVE ME MY SCOPE AND MY SOLDER GUN, ╔'LL FIND OUT WHY THIS DAMN THING WON'T RUN. ╞OR IT'S TEST, TEST, TEST ALL THOSE MODULES, ╒NTIL THEY BURST OUT IN FLAME. ╞OR ITS ONE, TWO, THREE SHORTS YOU'RE OUT, ╔N THE OLD MAINFRAME ├OMMON LANGUAGE ┴ LANGUAGE USED ONLY BY THE ORIGINATOR AND HIS (OR HER) CLOSEST FRIENDS AND THEIR SUBORDINATES ├ONVERSION ╘HE REGULAR, MAJOR RE-WRITING OF ONE'S SOFTWARE AND DATABASES TO AVOID THE STIGMA OF ╧┬╙╧╠┼╙├┼╬├┼ ├╨═ (├HARLATANS ╨ER ═INUTE) ╔N "QUEUEING THEORY", THE ARRIVAL RATE OF SALESPERSONS, INDICATING THE NUMBER OF MAILING LISTS TO WHICH THE VISITEE HAS BEEN EXPOSED ├URSOR ADDRESS "╚ELLO CURSOR!" ─EADLINE ╧NE OF A SEQUENCE OF VAGUE PROPHECIES; A GIVEN DATE BEFORE WHICH ASSIGNMENTS MUST ╬╧╘ BE FINISHED ─EBUGGING ╥EMOVING A ┬╒╟, EITHER BY TINKERING WITH THE PROGRAM OR BY AMENDING THE PROGRAM SPECIFICATION SO THAT THE SIDE EFFECT OF THE BUG IS PUBLISHED AS A ─┼╙╔╥┴┬╠┼ FEATURE ─EGRADE 1. ╘O ADD A TERMINAL TO (A TIMESHARING SYSTEM) 2. ╘O PROMOTE (A PROGRAMMER) TO SYSTEMS ANALYST ─OCUMENTATION 1. ╘HE PROMISED LITERATURE THAT FAILS TO ARRIVE WITH THE SUPPORTING HARDWARE 2. ┴ SINGLE, ILLEGIBLE, PHOTOCOPIED PAGE OF PROPRIETARY CAVEATS AND SUGGESTED INFRACTIONS 3. ╘HE DETAILED, UNINDEXED DESCRIPTION OF A SUPERSEDED PACKAGE ─UMP ╘HE BEWILDERED, NUMERICAL MAPPING OF EACH MOLECULE OF A CORPSE IN ORDER TO ESTABLISH THE CAUSE OF DEATH. ╘HE EXCESSIVE VOLUME OF INFORMATION IS SELF-DEFEATING, INSOFAR AS PUTREFICATION OUTPACES ANALYSIS. ─YSLEXIA ┴ PROBLEM COMMON TO ├╚┼┴╨ PERIPHERALS AND PRRUFREDDERS ╞INITE-STATE ┴ MACHINE WITH A LIMITED INSTRUCTION SET ╞IX ╘O REMOVE (A ┬╒╟) BY REDEFINING THE PROGRAM SPECIFICATION IN ORDER TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE UNEXPECTED FEATURE ╞LOWCHART ╘HE IGNORANT MISLEADING THE ILLITERATE. "┴ THOUSAND PICTURES IS WORTH TEN LINES OF CODE" ╞UNCTION ┴ DEVICE FOR MAPPING A DOMAIN OF UNKNOWN ARGUMENTS ONTO A RANGE OF INACCESSIBLE RESULTS ╟LASS ╘╘┘ ┴ ├╥╘ TERMINAL SO LACKING IN FEATURES THAT IT BEHAVES LIKE A ╘╘┘ ─OWN BY THE "╙┘╙" JOB STREAM, ╫HERE ╔ TASK BUILT YOU, ╫ITH YOUR MODULES TOO, ┴ND YOUR "╧─╠" NEW ╔T WAS THEN ╔ KNEW, ╘HAT YOU WOULD RUN TRUE ┘OU WERE 12╦ ╘HE OTHER WAY, ┘OU HAD BEEN 42 ╔MPLEMENTATION ╘HE FRUITLESS STRUGGLE BY THE TALENTED AND UNDERPAID TO FULLFILL PROMISES MADE BY THE RICH AND IGNORANT ─OWNTIME ╘HE PERIOD DURING WHICH A SYSTEM IS ERROR FREE AND IMMUNE FROM USER INPUT ╧NE-LINE PATCH ┴ ╦╠╒─╟┼ SO MINIMAL THAT NO TESTING IS NECESSARY. ╔T IS CORRECTED BY A FURTHER ONE-LINE PATCH ╨LATEN ┴ SUPPLEMENTARY PRINT SPOOLING DEVICE WHICH CAN TYPICALLY RETAIN 20 LINES OF PRINT IN THE ABSENCE OF PAPER "╨APER ╠OW" ┴ LAMP WHICH LIGHTS TO INDICATE THAT YOUR OUTPUT IS NOW BEING SPOOLED TO THE PLATEN ═ACHINE-INDEPENDANT ┬EING OR PERTAINING TO A HARDWARE OR SOFTWARE ELEMENT THAT WILL ╬╧╘ WORK ON ┴╬┘ COMPUTER "├╧═┼ ╞╥╧═" ┴N INSTRUCTION PROPOSED BY ╥. ╠AWRENCE ├LARK IN 1973 TO RESOLVE THE "╟╧╘╧" CONTROVERSY. ╘HE INDUSTRY IS STILL (1982) BRISTLING IN DISBELIEF! ┬REAKPOINT ┴ SITUATION IN WHICH THE SYSTEM AND THE PROGRAMMER ARE TIED AFTER A CERTAIN NUMBER OF RUNS AND THE WINNER IS DECIDED BY A SERIES OF SUDDEN-DEATH ─╒═╨╙ ├OMPUTER ╙CIENCE ┴ STUDY AKIN TO NUMEROLOGY AND ASTROLOGY, BUT LACKING THE ╨╥┼├╔╙╔╧╬ OF THE FORMER AND THE ╙╒├├┼╙╙ OF THE LATTER ├ONSULTANT ┴ TIPSTER DISGUISED AS AN ORACLE, ESPECIALLY ONE WHO HAS LEARNED TO DECAMP AT HIGH SPEED, IN SPITE OF A LARGE BRIEFCASE AND A HEAVY WALLET ┼XTENDED ┬┴╙╔├ ┴NY ┬┴╙╔├ COMPILER ENHANCED WITH FEATURES STOLEN FROM ├╧┬╧╠ AND MEETING ┴╬┘ ╘╫╧ OF THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS: 1. ╘HE COST EXCEEDS $40.00 2. ╠INE NUMBERS CAN BE INCREMENTED AUTOMATICALLY OR OMITTED 3. ╘APE CASSETTES ARE NOT SUPPORTED ╬ETWOK ┴ ╬┼╘╫╧╥╦ RUNNING UNDER THE ├HINESE ╓═╧╙ PROTOCOL ═╔├╥: (═AGNETIC-╔NK ├HARACTER ╥ECOGNITION) ┴ SYSTEM FOR BOUNCING CHECKS OF THE WRONG POLARITY ╧├╥: (╧PTICAL ├HARACTER ╥ECOGNITION) ┴ METHOD FOR MISREADING SOURCE DOCUMENTS DIRECTLY INTO A SYSTEM WITHOUT HAVING TO MISPUNCH CARDS FIRST ├HINESE ╘OTAL ┴ CHECKSUM METHODOLOGY ORIGINALLY DEVELOPED FOR "┘╧─┴╠╙" (┘ANGTSE ╧PIUM ─EN ┴CCOUNTS ╠ECEIVABLE ╙YSTEM), THEREFORE IT IS OFTEN REFERRED TO AS A "HASH TOTAL" ╠EMMA ╘HREE, VERY PRETTY, AND THE CONVERSE PRETTY TOO; BUT ONLY ╟OD AND ╞ERMAT KNOWS WHICH ONE OF THEM IS TRUE ╫ORST CASE DESIGN ╘HE ONE DELIVERED ╙POOL ┴ HIGHLY VOLATILE ┬╒╞╞┼╥ ESTABLISHED TO HOLD ╙╒╥╨╠╒╙ DATA (KNOWN AS RESULTS) FOR A PERIOD NOT EXCEEDING THE ═╘┬╞ OF OF THE PARTICULAR OUTPUT DEVICE BEING SPOOLED ╙TABILITY ╘HE PERIOD BETWEEN CRASHES ╙TATE-OF-THE-ART ┴ PROJECT OR DEVICE AWAITING FUNDING ╙UBROUTINE ┴NY TRIVIAL, OVERDOCUMENTED PROGRAM WRITTEN BY YOUR IMMEDIATE SUPERVISOR ╙UPERCOMPUTER ┴NY MACHINE STILL ON THE DRAWING BOARD ╙UPERSTITION ┴N IRRATIONAL BELIEF OR RITUAL WHICH SURVIVES UNTIL REPLACED BY A MORE EFFECTIVE SUPERSTITION. ╘HE REPLACEMENT IS KNOWN AS "UPDATING THE SYSTEMS DOCUMENTATION." ╙WEATSHOP ┴ DEPARTMENT DEVOTED TO THE RAPID, ACCURATE, AND ├╚┼┴╨ ENTRY OF DATA ╘EXT EDITOR ╘HE SOFTWARE NEEDED TO GENERATE ANY NUMBER OF DEVIANT COPIES FROM AN ORIGINAL, CORRECT TEXT ╙CROLLING ┴N OPERATION ALLOWING LINES OF DATA TO MOVE QUICKLY UP AND OFF A ├╥╘ SCREEN BEFORE THEY CAN BE OF ANY USE TO THE OPERATOR ╙OFTWARE ROT ┴ HYPOTHETICAL DISEASE THE EXISTENCE OF WHICH HAS BEEN DEDUCED FROM THE OBSERVATION THAT UNUSED PROGRAMS OR FEATURES WILL STOP WORKING AFTER SUFFICIENT TIME HAS PASSED, EVEN IF "NOTHING HAS CHANGED." ╙TEPWISE REFINEMENT ┴NY SEQUENCE OF ╦╠╒─╟┼╙, NOT NECESSARILY DISTINCT OR FINITE, APPLIED TO PROGRAM "╨" AIMED AT TRANSFORMING IT INTO THE TARGET PROGRAM "╤" ╘EMPLATE ┴ DEVICE FOR PRODUCING STYLIZED GRAFFITI ╘HROWAWAY CHARACTER ┴NY CHARACTER IN A TRANSMITTED MESSAGE ╘IME ╘HAT WHICH TRIES TO PREVENT EVERYTHING FROM HAPPENING AT ONCE ╘IMESHARING ┴ SYSTEM IN WHICH MANY USERS TRY TO CORRUPT THE SAME DATA BASE SIMULTANEOUSLY ╘IME SLICE ╘HE OCCASIONAL ├╨╒ CYCLE BEGRUDGINGLY CONCEDED BY THE OPERATING SYSTEM TO THE USER. ┴LSO CALLED ╘╚┼ ╨┼╥╔╧─ ┴╘ ╥╔╙╦ ╘RUNCATE ╘O REMOVE (FROM A FIELD, STRING, MESSAGE, OR SALARY) SOME OR ALL OF THE MOST SIGNIFICANT DIGITS OR CHARACTERS ╘URNAROUND (╧F A TAB CARD OR DOCUMENT) PREPARED BY A COMPUTER AND SENT OUT IN THE HOPE THAT, WHEN RETURNED, IT WILL PROVIDE MACHINE-READABLE PROOF THAT IT'S BACK ╘WO'S COMPLEMENT ╘HREE'S A CROWD ╒PGRADE ┴ PAINFUL CRISIS DURING WHICH ONE'S FAITH IN THE ╨╥┼╓╔╧╒╙ SYSTEM IS RESTORED ╒SER ╘HE INDIVIDUAL OR GROUP INVOICED FOR AND WAITING TO OPERATE CERTAIN BOXED ITEMS LYING UNOPENED IN ANOTHER DEPARTMENT ╓ERIFICATION ┴N OPTIONAL METHOD OF COMPOUNDING THE ERRORS OF DATA ENTRY ╓ERSION ┴NY ONE OF A SERIES OF CONFLICTING, MUTILATED COPIES OF A LOST ORIGINAL ╠ATEST VERSION ╘HAT VERSION WHICH MOST EXCEEDS THE DEADLINE FOR COMPLETION ╫ORD PROCESSING ┴NY SYSTEM EQUIPED WITH A SLOW, DOUBLE-CASE PRINTER ─O YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR "╨╧╙╙╠╤" IS? ╨╧╙╙╠╤ ╨ERSONS OF THE ╧PPOSITE ╙EX ╙HARING ╠IVING ╤UARTERS (╞ROM 1980 ╒.╙. ├ENSUS ┬UREAU CANVASSER INSTRUCTIONS) ╬UMBERING ╙YSTEMS: ─ECIMAL ├OUNTING ON THE FINGERS OF YOUR HANDS ╧CTAL ├OUNTING ON YOUR FINGERS WITH YOUR THUMBS CUT OFF ┬INARY ├OUNTING ON YOUR FINGERS WITH YOUR FINGERS CUT OFF ╥EPEATABILITY ╘HE ABSOLUTELY CONSISTANT RECURRENCE OF AN ERRONEOUS RESULT. ┴FTER MAJOR EQUIPMENT SYSTEMS HAVE BEEN REPAIRED AND REASSEMBLED, PARTS WILL BE NOTICED ON THE FLOOR. "├ORE" STANDARD ┴ SET OF GRAPHICS STANDARDS DEVISED SO THAT ┴╠╠ SOFTWARE SUPPLIERS PACKAGES ═┴┘ ╬╧╘ BE IN COMPLIANCE WITH THE SAME COMMON SET ═Y PROGRAM ┴ GEM OF ALGORISTIC PRECISION, OFFERING THE MOST SUBLIME BALANCE BETWEEN COMPACT, EFFICIENT CODING ON THE ONE HAND, AND FULLY COMMENTED LEGIBILITY FOR POSTERITY ON THE OTHER ╪─╙: (╪EROX ─ATA ╙YSTEMS) ┴BBREVIATION IN USE UNTIL 1976, WHEN ╪EROX ├ORPORATION DECIDED TO CONCENTRATE ON THE TRADITIONAL, MORE RELIABLE ASPECTS OF REPROGRAPHY ┴BACUS ┴ RELIABLE ╙╧╠╔─-╙╘┴╘┼ BINARY COMPUTING DEVICE NOW PARTLY SUPERSEDED BY THE ├RAY SERIES ╧H, GIVE ME A HOME, ╫HERE ASSEMBLERS ROAM, ╫HERE COMPILERS AND INTERPRETERS PLAY, ╫HERE SELDOM IS HEARD, ┴N ERROR MESSAGE WORD, CAUSE A TASK IS ╬╧╘ SCHEDULED ALL DAY! ╞OOLPROOF ╔NACCESSIBLE TO THE USER ╥EENTRANT ╧F OR RELATING TO A PROGRAM SPECIALLY CONSTRUCTED TO MISLEAD SEVERAL USERS AT THE SAME TIME ╘HE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS THE ╚┼┴─╠┴═╨ OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN ═ICROPROCESSOR ╘WENTY YEARS OF ARCHITECTURAL BUNGLING COMBINED ON A ╙╔╬╟╠┼ CHIP ╚IGH-LEVEL ╠ANGUAGE ┴NY SET OF ACRONYMS DEVISED BY THE MANUFACTURER MARKETING DIVISION OR DEVELOPED AS A REHABILITATION PROJECT IN THEIR ┴LCOHOLICS ┴NONYMOUS PROGRAM ┬UFFER ┴ REGION BETWEEN TWO DEVICES THAT IS DESIGNED TO DISTORT OR, IF POSSIBLE, PREVENT THE FLOW OF DATA IN EITHER DIRECTION ┼XCEPTION REPORTING ┴ SYSTEM WITH INTERMITTENT PRINTER PROBLEMS ┘OUR PROGRAM ┴ MAZE OF NON SEQUITURS LITTERED WITH CLEVER-CLEVER TRICKS AND IRRELEVANT COMMENTS ┬IT ┬UCKET 1. ┴ BINARY SPITOON 2. ┴ DIGITAL CUSPIDOR ┬ENCHMARK ╘O SUBJECT (A SYSTEM) TO A SERIES OF TESTS IN ORDER TO OBTAIN PREARRANGED RESULTS THAT ARE NOT AVAILABLE ON COMPETITIVE SYSTEMS ┬IT ╘HE QUANTUM OF MISINFORMATION ├┴╔ (├OMPUTER-┴IDED ╔NSTRUCTION) ╘HE MISGUIDED ATTEMPT TO REPLACE EACH TEACHER IN THE ┬RONX WITH 60 ON-LINE TERMINALS ├┴╠╠ ┴ POLITE ┬╒╘ UNHEEDED PLEA FOR ╚┼╠╨ FROM ONE PIECE OF TROUBLED CODING TO ANOTHER. ╙UBSEQUENT, LESS POLITE, CALLS ARE KNOWN AS ╙├╥┼┴═╙ ├HADLESS TAPE ╨APER TAPE PREPARED ON A PUNCH WITH BLUNT PINS ╟LOBAL (╧F A VARIABLE) ┬EING ABLE TO BOUNCE AROUND THE SYSTEM, TRANSFERING ARBITRARY VALUES TO AND FROM UNCONNECTED PROGRAMS ╟╧╙╒┬ ┴ ├┴╠╠ MADE ON SOME NONEXISTANT OR NONCOOPERATIVE ROUTINE, RESULTING IN INSTANT DOWNAGE ╟╧╘╧ ╘O TRANSFER PROGRAM CONTROL TO NOWHERE IN PARTICLAR ╟RAPHICS ┴NY SYSTEM CAPABLE OF, AND MAINLY ENGAGED IN, THE DISPLAY OR PLOTTING OF CONTINUOUS-LINE ╙NOOPY, ┘ODA, ╦ERMIT, OR ═ISS ╨IGGY RENDITIONS ╔NCOMPLETENESS THEOREM ╘HE EMPIRICALLY UNIMPEACHABLE FACT THAT AT LEAST ONE VITAL ELEMENT IN THE SYSTEM WILL ╬╧╘ BE DELIVERED, AS: "╫HERE'S THE #$%!ING POWER LEAD?" ╩OHN ┬IRCH ═ACHINE ┴ FINITE-STATE MACHINE IN WHICH THE TAPE MOVES TO THE ╥╔╟╚╘ AFTER EVERY COMPUTATION ╩OB TRICKLE ╘HE SYSTEM'S ATTEMPT TO MATCH THE RATE OF EXECUTION TO THE PROGRAMMER'S CODING RATE ╦LUDGE ╙OMETHING THAT WORKS FOR THE WRONG REASONS ╠IBERATION ┴ SPECIALIZED, HEADY FORM OF EMULATION, ALLOWING THE USER TO SWITCH RAPIDLY FROM ONE MANUFACTURER (USUALLY ╔┬═) TO ANOTHER (USUALLY ╚ONEYWELL) DURING AN ORGIASTIC HALF-PRICE PERIOD KNOWN AS THE "HAPPY HOUR" ═AINTENANCE ╘HE REPLACEMENT OF ONE SET OF ERROR STATES BY ANOTHER ═ETAPROGRAMMER ╙OMEONE WHO IS ABOVE PROGRAMMING BUT NOT YET READY FOR SYSTEMS ANALYSIS ╬UMBER CRUNCHER ┴ ╚┼┴╓┘ DEVICE FOR TESTING THE COMPRESSIBILITY OF NUMBERS. ╘HE TRADITIONAL METHOD, PIONEERED BY ├─├, IS TO SUBJECT EACH NUMBER TO PROGRESSIVELY DENSER ╞╧╥╘╥┴╬ PROGRAMS UNTIL ALL 60 BITS SQUEAK ╨┴╙├┴╠ MANUAL ┴NY BOOK WITH AN INTRODUCTION OR FORWARD WRITTEN BY ╨ROFESSOR ╬IKLAUS ╫IRTH ╨ESSIMIZING COMPILER ┴ COMPILER THAT PRODUCES OBJECT CODE THAT IS WORSE THAN THE STRAIGHTFORWARD OR OBVIOUS TRANSLATION ╨IGEONHOLE ┴N APPROPRIATE DESTINATION FOR MOST DATA, ├╚┼┴╨┼╥ THAN SORTING AND LIMITED ONLY BY THE SIZE AND COURAGE OF THE PIGEON ╨LOTTER ╘HE DEVICE OR PERSON AFTER YOUR JOB ╨ROCTOLOGIST ╧NE WHO IS INVOLVED IN, OR INTRIGUED BY, THE OUTPUT PROBLEM ╨ROGRAM ┴ SEQUENCE OF DETECTABLE AND UNDETECTABLE ERRORS AIMED AT COAXING SOME FORM OF RESPONSE FROM THE SYSTEM ╨ROMPT ┴ ─┼╠┴┘┼─ MESSAGE FROM THE SYSTEM DEMANDING AN ╔══┼─╔┴╘┼ RESPONSE FROM THE USER ╨ROGRAMMER ╧NE WHO CLAIMS OR APPEARS TO BE ENGAGED IN THE PRACTICAL, NONSYSTEMATIC STUDY OF CRASHING THE SYSTEM ╨UNCH ┴ DEVICE USED TO REDUCE THE WEIGHT OF A CARD OR PAPER TAPE IN ORDER TO MINIMIZE POSTAL CHARGES ╥ANDOM FILE ┴ PLACE WHERE THINGS CAN GET LOST IN ANY SEQUENCE ╥─├═ (╥EVERSIBLE ─OCUMENT ├OLLATION ═ETHODOLOGY) ╨APER CLIPS ╥ECURSIVE ╥ECURSIVE ╥ELEASE ┴ SET OF KLUDGES ISSUED BY THE MANUFACTURER WHICH CLASHES WITH THE PRIVATE FIXES MADE BY THE USER SINCE THE LAST RELEASE ╙HILOP ╥┼╓┼╥╙┼─ POLISH NOTATION ╙OURCE CODE ╘HE VERSION OF A PROGRAM TO WHICH THE COMPILER OBJECTS.