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     "┴UTOMATIC" SIMPLY MEANS THAT YOU CANNOT REPAIR IT YOURSELF.

     90% OF EVERYTHING IS CRUD.

     ┴ ╨ROJECT ═ANAGER IS LIKE THE MADAM IN A BROTHEL. ╚IS JOB IS TO SEE
     THAT EVERYTHING COMES OFF RIGHT.

     ┴ ╙MITH & ╫ESSON ALWAYS BEATS FOUR ACES.

     ┴ BIRD IN HAND IS SAFER THAN ONE OVERHEAD.

     ┴ BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH ABOUT THREE ╦LEENEX.

     ┴ CHILD'S ABILITY TO ENDURE LIKELY STEMS FROM HIS IGNORANCE OF
     ALTERNATIVES.

     ┴ CLEAN DESK IS A SIGN OF A SICK MIND.

     ┴ CLOSED MOUTH SAYS NOTHING WRONG; A CLOSED MIND DOES NOTHING RIGHT.

     ┴ COMPLEX SYSTEM THAT WORKS IS INVARIABLY FOUND TO HAVE EVOLVED FROM A
     SIMPLE SYSTEM THAT WORKED.

     ┴ COMPUTER MAKES AS MANY MISTAKES IN ONE SECOND AS THREE MEN WORKING
     FOR THIRTY YEARS STRAIGHT.

     ┴ CONFERENCE IS SIMPLY AN ADMISSION THAT YOU WANT SOMEBODY ELSE TO
     JOIN YOU IN YOUR TROUBLES.

     ┴ DOG IS A DOG EXCEPT WHEN HE IS FACING YOU. ╘HEN HE IS ═R. ─OG.

     ┴ FELLOW WHO IS ALWAYS DECLARING THAT HE IS NO FOOL USUALLY HARBORS
     SUSPICIONS TO THE CONTRARY.

     ┴ FOOL AND HIS MONEY ARE SOME PARTY.

     ┴ FRIEND IN POWER IS A FRIEND LOST.

     ┴ GOOD LISTENER NOT ONLY IS POPULAR EVERYWHERE BUT ALSO, AFTER A
     WHILE, KNOWS SOMETHING.

     ┴ GREAT DEAL OF MONEY IS NEVER ENOUGH ONCE YOU HAVE IT.

     ┴ HUNCH IS CREATIVITY TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

     ┴ LIBERALISM INCAPABLE OF FISCAL SELF-DISCIPLINE BRINGS ABOUT A
     RADICAL CONSERVATISM CONSPICUOUS FOR ITS SELFISHNESS AND
     INSENSITIVITY.

     ┴ MAJOR FAILURE WILL NOT OCCUR UNTIL AFTER THE UNIT HAS PASSED FINAL
     INSPECTION.

     ┴ MAN DOES NOT LOOK BEHIND THE DOOR UNLESS HE HAS STOOD THERE
     HIMSELF.

     ┴ MAN WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT COST HIM ANYTHING.

     ┴ MEETING IS AN EVENT AT WHICH THE MINUTES ARE KEPT AND THE HOURS ARE
     LOST.

     ┴ MISER IS A FELLOW WHO LIVES WITHIN HIS INCOME. ╚E IS ALSO CALLED A
     MAGICIAN.

     ┴ MISPLACED DECIMAL POINT WILL ALWAYS END UP WHERE IT WILL DO THE
     GREATEST DAMAGE.




     ┴ NARROW MIND HAS A BROAD TONGUE.

     ┴ NEUROTIC BUILDS CASTLES IN THE AIR.
     ┴ PSYCHOTIC LIVES IN CASTLES IN THE AIR.
     ┴ND A PSYCHIATRIST IS THE GUY WHO COLLECTS THE RENT.

     ┴ PERFECTLY CALM DAY WILL TURN GUSTY THE INSTANT YOU DROP A $20 BILL.

     ┴ PIPE GIVES A WISE MAN TIME TO THINK AND A FOOL SOMETHING TO STICK IN
     HIS MOUTH.

     ┴ POLITICIAN'S MOST IMPORTANT ABILITY IS TO FORETELL WHAT WILL HAPPEN
     TOMORROW AND NEXT MONTH AND NEXT YEAR - AND TO EXPLAIN AFTERWARDS WHY
     IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.


     ┴ SEEMING IGNORANCE IS OFTEN A MOST NECESSARY PART OF WORLDLY
     KNOWLEDGE.

     ┴ SENSE OF DECENCY IS OFTEN A DECENT MAN'S UNDOING.

     ┴ SHORT CUT IS THE LONGEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS.

     ┴ STOCKBROKER IS SOMEONE WHO INVESTS YOUR MONEY UNTIL IT IS ALL GONE.

     ┴ SYNONYM IS A WORD YOU USE WHEN YOU CAN'T SPELL THE OTHER ONE.

     ┴ WAIST IS A TERRIBLE THING TO MIND.

     ┴ YACHT IS A HOLE IN THE WATER, LINED WITH WOOD, STEEL, OR FIBERGLASS,
     THROUGH WHICH ONE POURS ALL HIS MONEY.

     ┴CADEMIC RIVALRIES ARE SO INTENSE BECAUSE THE STAKES ARE SO SMALL.

     ┴CTIVITY IS THE POLITICIAN'S SUBSTITUTE FOR ACHIEVEMENT.

     ┴DAM ╙MITH REVISITED: ╫ORK CREATES ╫EALTH, WHICH IS THEN ╥EDISTRIBUTED
     IN THE HOLY NAME OF ╙OCIAL ╩USTICE. ╘HAT IS TO SAY, WHAT IS MINE IS
     YOURS, AND HIS, AND HERS, AND THEIRS...

     ┴DVENTURE IS NO MORE THAN DISCOMFORT AND ANNOYANCE RECOLLECTED IN THE
     SAFETY OF REMINISCENCE.

     ┴FTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE, A HELL OF A LOT MORE IS SAID THAN DONE.

     ┴GAINST STUPIDITY, THE GODS THEMSELVES CONTEND IN VAIN.

     ┴LL GREAT DISCOVERIES ARE MADE BY MISTAKE.

     ┴LL SKILL IS IN VAIN WHEN AN ANGEL PEES IN THE BARREL OF YOUR RIFLE.

     ┴LL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
     ┼XCEPT SKIING THROUGH A REVOLVING DOOR.

     ┴LL THINGS BEING EQUAL, A FAT PERSON USES MORE SOAP THAN A THIN
     PERSON.

     ┴LL TURTLE THOUGHTS ARE OF TURTLE.

     ┴LL WARRANTIES EXPIRE UPON PAYMENT OF INVOICE.

     ┴LL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKE ╩ACK A DULL BOY AND ╩ILL A WEALTHY WIDOW.

     ┴LL'S WELL THAT ENDS.




     ┴LMOST EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS EASIER TO GET INTO THAN OUT OF.

     ┴LTHOUGH ╔ MAY DISAGREE WITH WHAT YOU SAY, ╔ WILL DEFEND TO THE DEATH
     YOUR RIGHT TO HEAR ME TELL YOU HOW WRONG YOU ARE.

     ┴LWAYS ADDRESS YOUR ELDERS WITH RESPECT; THEY COULD LEAVE YOU A
     FORTUNE.

     ┴LWAYS CONVICE THOSE WHOM YOU ARE ABOUT TO DECEIVE THAT YOU ARE ACTING
     IN THEIR BEST INTERESTS.

     ┴LWAYS FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES - NOTHING ELSE ANNOYS THEM AS MUCH.

     ┴LWAYS MISTRUST A SUBORDINATE WHO NEVER FINDS FAULT WITH HIS BOSS.

     ┴MBITION IS THE CURSE OF THE POLITICAL CLASS.

     ┴MONG ECONOMISTS, THE REAL WORLD IS GENERALLY CONSIDERED TO BE A
     SPECIAL CASE.


     ┴N EASILY UNDERSTOOD, WORKABLE FALSEHOOD IS MORE USEFUL THAN A
     COMPLEX, INCOMPREHENSIBLE TRUTH.

     ┴N ECONOMY CANNOT AFFORD HIGH TECH UNLESS IT HAS A BASIC STRUCTURE OF
     OTHER INDUSTRY TO PROVIDE THE SAVINGS THAT WILL SUPPORT HIGH TECH
     UNTIL IT BEGINS TO PAY OFF.

     ┴N EFFICIENT BUREAUCRACY IS THE GREATEST THREAT TO LIBERTY.

     ┴N ELEPHANT IS A MOUSE BUILT TO GOVERNMENT SPECIFICATIONS.

     ┴N EXPERT IS ONE WHO KNOWS MORE AND MORE ABOUT LESS AND LESS UNTIL HE
     KNOWS ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ABOUT NOTHING.

     ┴N INFINITE NUMBER OF MEDIOCRITIES DO NOT ADD UP TO ONE GENIUS.

     ┴N OPEN MOUTH OFT-TIMES ACCOMPANIES A CLOSED MIND.

     ┴N UNHAPPY CREW MAKES FOR A DANGEROUS VOYAGE.

     ┴NGER IS NEVER WITHOUT AN ARGUMENT, OR WITH A GOOD ONE.

     ┴NY APPETITE IS ITS OWN EXCUSE FOR EXISTING.

     ┴NY COMPONENT, WHEN INADVERTENTLY DROPPED, WILL ROLL INTO A HIDING
     PLACE, THE INACCESSIBILITY OF WHICH IS PROPORTIONAL TO THE SQUARE OF
     THE COMPONENT'S IRREPLACEABILITY.

     ┴NY CONTRACT DRAWN IN MORE THAN 50 WORDS CONTAINS AT LEAST ONE
     LOOPHOLE.

     ┴NY GIVEN COMPUTER PROGRAM, WHEN RUNNING, IS OBSOLETE.

     ┴NY MACHINE DESIGN MUST CONTAIN AT LEAST ONE PART WHICH IS OBSOLETE,
     TWO PARTS WHICH ARE UNOBTAINABLE, AND THREE PARTS WHICH ARE STILL
     UNDER DEVELOPMENT.

     ┴NY SIMPLE THEORY WILL BE WORDED IN THE MOST COMPLICATED TERMS.

     ┴NY SUFFICIENTLY ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY IS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM MAGIC.

     ┴NYONE CAN HANDLE A CRISIS.
     ╔T'S EVERYDAY LIVING THAT KILLS YOU.




     ┴NYONE IN GOOD ENOUGH CONDITION TO RUN THREE MILES A DAY IS IN GOOD
     ENOUGH CONDITION NOT TO HAVE TO.

     ┴RT IS A PASSION PURSUED WITH DISCIPLINE; SCIENCE IS A DISCIPLINE
     PURSUED WITH PASSION.

     ┴S SCARCE AS TRUTH IS, THE SUPPLY INVARIABLY EXCEEDS THE DEMAND.

     ┴S THE RABBIT SAID, IF THAT AIN'T A WOLF, IT'S A HELL OF A BIG DOG.

     ┴SK YOUR CHILDREN WHAT THEY WANT FOR DINNER ONLY IF THEY ARE BUYING.

     ┴SSUMPTIONS, SO OFTEN FULL OF HOLES, REMAIN PRECIOUS TO THE
     CONVINCED.

     ┴T BEST, LIFE IS A SPIRAL AND NEVER A PENDULUM. ╫HAT HAS BEEN DONE
     CANNOT BE UNDONE.

     ┬AD WEATHER FORECASTS ARE MORE OFTEN RIGHT THAN GOOD ONES.

     ┬ANKERS ARE THE ASSASSINS OF HOPE.

     ┬ASIC RESEARCH IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

     ┬E A CORPORATE GOOD CITIZEN; HIRE THE MORALLY HANDICAPPED.

     ┬E KIND TO YOUR WEB-FOOTED FRIENDS; THAT DUCK MAY BE A BUYER.

     ╘HERE'S NO INTELLIGENT LIFE DOWN HERE.

     ┬EAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP, BUT UGLY GOES RIGHT TO THE BONE.

     ┬EHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN IS AN ASTONISHED MOTHER-IN-LAW.

     ┬EING KING IS NOT MUCH FUN IF NO ONE KNOWS YOU ARE ONE.

     ┬END THE FACTS TO FIT THE CONCLUSION. ╔T'S EASIER THAT WAY.

     ┬EWARE OF ALL ENTERPRISES REQUIRING NEW CLOTHES.

     ┬LACK HOLES ARE OUTA SIGHT!

     ┬LESSED ARE THE CENSORS, FOR THEY SHALL INHIBIT THE EARTH.

     ┬LESSED ARE THE MEEK FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE CRAP.

     ┬LESSED ARE THE YOUNG, FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE NATIONAL DEBT.

     ┬LESSED BE HE WHO IS CALLED A BIG WHEEL, FOR HE GOETH AROUND IN
     CIRCLES.

     ┬OSSES COME AND BOSSES GO, BUT A GOOD SECRETARY LASTS FOREVER.

     ┬ULLSHIT BAFFLES BRAINS.

     ┬Y THE TIME MOST OF US HAVE MONEY TO BURN, OUR FIRE'S GONE OUT.

     ┬Y WORKING FAITHFULLY 8 HOURS A DAY, YOU MAY EVENTUALLY GET TO BE A
     BOSS AND WORK 12 HOURS A DAY.

     ├ELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.

     ├HEER UP.
     ╘HE FIRST HUNDRED YEARS ARE THE HARDEST!




     ├HILDREN ARE A COMFORT IN YOUR OLD AGE, AND THEY WILL EVEN HELP YOU
     REACH IT.

     ├IVIL SERVANTS ARE NEITHER CIVIL NOR SERVILE.

     ├OMMON SENSE IS INSTINCT. ┼NOUGH OF IT IS GENIUS.

     ├OMPUTERS ARE UNRELIABLE, BUT HUMANS ARE EVEN MORE UNRELIABLE. ┴NY
     SYSTEM WHICH DEPENDS UPON HUMAN RELIABILITY IS UNRELIABLE. ┘OU CAN
     RELY ON IT.

     ├ONFIDENCE IS THE FEELING YOU HAD BEFORE YOU KNEW BETTER.

     ├ONSTRUCT A SYSTEM THAT EVEN A FOOL CAN USE AND ONLY A FOOL WILL WANT
     TO USE IT.

     ├RIME IS MERELY POLITICS WITHOUT THE EXCUSES.

     ├RISIS MANAGEMENT WORKS BEAUTIFULLY UNTIL AN ACTUAL CRISIS OCCURS.

     ─A TROUBLE WIT COMPUTERS IS, DEY GOT NO SENSE OF HUMOR.

     ─AYS YOU ATTEND TOP-LEVEL MEETINGS AND DAYS YOU GET HICCUPS TEND TO
     FALL ON THE SAME DATES.

     ─EGENERATION AND EVOLUTION ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

     ─ESPERATE DISEASES REQUIRE DESPERATE REMEDIES.

     ─ID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU MAINTAIN A CHOLESTEROL-FREE DIET, YOUR BODY
     MAKES ITS OWN CHOLESTEROL.

     ─IOGENES IS STILL SEARCHING.

     ─ISTRUST YOUR FIRST IMPRESSIONS; THEY ARE INVARIABLY TOO FAVORABLE.

     ─ON'T BE AFRAID TO TAKE A BIG STEP. ┘OU CANNOT CROSS A CHASM IN TWO
     SMALL STEPS.

     ─ON'T BE SO HUMBLE...YOU AREN'T THAT GREAT.

     ─ON'T GET MARRIED IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF SOLITUDE.

     ─ON'T HIT A MAN WHEN HE'S DOWN UNLESS YOU ARE DAMNED CERTAIN HE WON'T
     GET UP.

     ─ON'T WEAR EARMUFFS IN A BED OF RATTLESNAKES.

     ─ON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING OF YOU. ╘HEY'RE TOO
     BUSY WORRYING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE THINKING OF THEM.

     ─R. ╞AUSTUS, CALL YOUR SERVICE.

     ─URING ┬RITAIN'S "BRAIN DRAIN," NOT A SINGLE POLITICIAN LEFT THE
     COUNTRY.

     ┼CONOMICS IS THE ONLY CALLING IN WHICH ONE CAN HAVE A LIFETIME
     REPUTATION AS AN EXPERT WITHOUT EVER ONCE BEING RIGHT.

     ┼DUCATION CONFERS UNDERSTANDING, KNOWLEDGE, AND COMPETENCE; SCHOOLS
     CONFER DEGREES.

     ┼NTHUSIASM WANES, BUT DULLNESS LASTS FOREVER.




     ┼TERNITY IS A TERRIBLE THOUGHT...WHERE WILL IT ALL END

     ┼VEN ═ASON AND ─IXON HAD TO DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE.

     ┼VEN THE MOST FAITHFUL BELIEVER CAN SERVE A FALSE GOD.

     ┼VERY CALLING IS GREAT WHEN GREATLY PURSUED.

     ┼VERY FAMILY TREE HAS SOME SAP.

     ┼VERY INSTITUTION TENDS TO PERISH THROUGH AN EXCESS OF ITS OWN
     POLICY.

     ┼VERY SOCIETY PROFESSES THE EXISTENCE OF INALIENABLE HUMAN RIGHTS;
     MOST, HOWEVER, ARE SOMEWHAT VAGUE AS TO JUST WHAT THEY ARE.

     ┼VERYBODY'S DEATH SIMPLIFIES LIFE FOR SOMEONE.

     ┼VERYONE HAS A SCHEME FOR GETTING RICH THAT WILL NOT WORK.

     ┼VERYTHING COMES TO HE WHO WAITS - PROVIDING HE HAS EITHER INFINITE
     PATIENCE OR INFINITE WEALTH.

     ┼VERYTHING EAST OF THE ╙AN ┴NDREAS ╞AULT WILL EVENTUALLY PLUNGE INTO
     THE ┴TLANTIC ╧CEAN.

     ┼VERYTHING NOT FORBIDDEN BY THE LAWS OF ╬ATURE IS MANDATORY. ╘ROUBLE
     IS, NEARLY EVERYTHING IS FORBIDDEN.

     ┼XAMPLE IS NOT THE MAIN THING IN INFLUENCING OTHERS; IT IS THE ONLY
     THING.

     ┼XCELLENCE IS AN OPTION THAT IS RENEWABLE.

     ┼XPECTATIONS SHOULD NOT DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT ONE ACTS, NOR HOW.

     ┼XPENSIVE FERTILIZERS THAT DO NOTHING FOR YOUR GRASS WILL GIVE YOU THE
     MOST GORGEOUS WEEDS YOU EVER SAW.

     ┼XPERIENCE IS A GOOD TEACHER, BUT SUBMITS HUGE BILLS.

     ┼XPERIENCE IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANTED.

     ┼XPERIMENTATION IS THE MOTHER OF CONFUSION.

     ┼XTINCTION IS THE ULTIMATE FATE OF ALL SPECIES.

     ┼XTREME BOREDOM SERVES TO CURE BOREDOM.

     ┼XTREME SORROW LAUGHS; EXTREME JOY WEEPS.

     ┼XTREMELY HAPPY AND EXTREMELY UNHAPPY MEN ARE ALIKE PRONE TO GROW
     HARD-HEARTED.

     ╞ACTS CANNOT PREVAIL AGAINST FAITH, OR ADAMANT FOLLY.

     ╞AILURE IS A MEASUREMENT THAT DEPENDS ON THE STANDARD APPLIED.

     ╞EAR IS NO GREAT RESPECTER OF REASON.

     ╞EED THE WOLF AS YOU WILL; HE WILL ALWAYS LOOK TO THE FOREST.

     ╞ILL WHAT'S EMPTY.
     ┼MPTY WHAT'S FULL.
     ┴ND SCRATCH WHERE IT ITCHES.




     ╞IRE AND WATER.
     ═ATTER AND ANTI-MATTER.
     ═ONEY AND MORALITY.

     ╞IRST SECURE AN INDEPENDENT INCOME, THEN PRACTICE VIRTUE.

     ╞OOLS BELITTLE THAT WHICH THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
     ├YNICS BELITTLE EVERYTHING.
     ═IDGETS SIMPLY BELITTLE.

     ╞OR A MAN OF FORTITUDE, THERE ARE NO WALLS, ONLY AVENUES.

     ╞OR PEACE OF MIND, RESIGN AS GENERAL MANAGER OF THE UNIVERSE.

     ╞REEDOM CAN BE LOST AS SURELY TAX BY TAX, REGULATION BY REGULATION, AS
     IT CAN BE BULLET BY BULLET, MISSILE BY MISSILE.

     ╞REEDOM IS FOR EVERYONE. ╧R NO ONE.

     ╞REEDOM OF THE PRESS IS LIMITED TO THOSE WHO HAVE ONE.

     ╞RIENDS MAY COME AND FRIENDS MAY GO, BUT ENEMIES ACCUMULATE.

     ╞RUSTRATION IS NOT HAVING ANYONE ELSE TO BLAME BUT ONE'S SELF.

     ╟ET TOO MANY IRONS IN YOUR FIRE AND YOU'LL PUT IT OUT.

     ╟IVE ALL ORDERS VERBALLY. ╬EVER WRITE DOWN ANYTHING THAT MIGHT GO INTO
     A "╨EARL ╚ARBOR FILE".

     ╟IVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF PRO AND CON.
     ╨ROGRESS AND ├ONGRESS.

     ╟IVEN THAT ╬ATURE LIMITED THE INTELLIGENCE OF ═AN, IT SEEMS UNFAIR
     THAT SHE DID NOT LIMIT THE STUPIDITY OF ═AN.

     ╟OD CAN'T ALTER HISTORY, SO HE CREATED HISTORIANS.

     ╟OD HAS ┴LZHEIMER'S DISEASE; HE'S FORGOTTEN THAT WE EXIST.

     ╟OD MADE EVERYTHING OUT OF NOTHING. ┬UT THE NOTHINGNESS SHOWS
     THROUGH.

     ╟OVERNMENT CORRUPTION SEEMS ALWAYS TO BE REPORTED IN THE PAST TENSE.

     ╚ALF OF CONVERSATION IS LISTENING.

     ╚AVE A NICE DAY...SOMEWHERE ELSE.

     ╚E IS ALL FAULT WHO HAS NO FAULT AT ALL.

     ╚E WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS, WINS!

     ╚E WHO DOES MANY THINGS MAKES MANY MISTAKES, BUT NEVER MAKES THE
     BIGGEST MISTAKE OF ALL - DOING NOTHING.

     ╚E WHO ENDURES, WINS.

     ╚E WHO HAS BEEN BITTEN BY SIX DOGS IS LEGITIMATELY SUSPICIOUS OF THE
     SEVENTH.

     ╚E WHO LEAVES NOTHING TO CHANCE WILL DO VERY FEW THINGS WRONG, BUT HE
     WILL DO VERY FEW THINGS AT ALL.




     ╚E WHO LIVES ON HOPE HAS A SLENDER DIET INDEED.

     ╚E WHO LOOKS TOO FAR AHEAD STUMBLES OVER HIS OWN BOOTS.

     ╚E WHO WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOP MUST LEAVE MUCH BEHIND.

     ╚E WHO WOULD LEAP HIGH MUST TAKE A LONG RUN.

     ╚E WHO WOULD PURSUE REVENGE SHOULD FIRST DIG TWO GRAVES.

     ╚ELL IS L IS A CITY MUCH LIKE ╬EWARK.

     ╚ELL IS NOT A PLACE. ╚ELL IS WHAT HURTS WORST.

     ╚ISTORY IS THE SUM TOTAL OF THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED.

     ╚ISTORY OCCURS TWICE - THE FIRST TIME AS TRAGEDY, THE SECOND TIME AS
     FARCE.

     ╚ONESTY IN POLITICS IS MUCH LIKE OXYGEN.
     ╘HE HIGHER UP YOU GO, THE SCARCER IT BECOMES.

     ╚ONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY - UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU ARE DEALING WITH
     YOUR WIFE, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOUR BANKER, YOUR EMPLOYER, THE ╔.╥.╙.,
     YOUR CREDITORS...

     ╚OW CAN YOU TELL WHEN A SALESMAN IS LYING ?
     ╫HEN HIS LIPS ARE MOVING.

     ╚OW COME NOWADAYS THE WORD "HONESTY" IS GENERALLY PRECEDED BY THE
     PHRASE "OLD-FASHIONED" ?

     ╚OW LONG A MINUTE IS DEPENDS UPON WHICH SIDE OF THE BATHROOM DOOR
     YOU'RE ON.

     ╔ GET MY EXERCISE ACTING AS A PALLBEARER FOR MY FRIENDS WHO EXERCISE.

     ╔F A CLUTTERED DESK IS CHARACTERISTIC OF A CLUTTERED MIND, WHAT DOES
     AN EMPTY DESK MEAN ?

     ╔F A PROBLEM CAUSES TOO MANY MEETINGS, THEN THE MEETINGS EVENTUALLY
     BECOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE PROBLEM.

     ╔F ALL ELSE FAILS, READ THE DESTRUCTIONS.

     ╔F ALL THE ECONOMISTS IN THE WORLD WERE LAID END TO END, THEY COULDN'T
     REACH A CONCLUSION.

     ╔F AN EXPERIMENT WORKS, SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG.

     ╔F BUILDERS CONSTRUCTED BUILDINGS THE WAY PROGRAMMERS WRITE PROGRAMS,
     THEN THE FIRST WOODPECKER TO COME ALONG WOULD DESTROY CIVILIZATION.

     ╔F DOCTORS' INTELLECTS WERE AS BIG AS DOCTORS' EGOS, THIS WOULD BE A
     FAR HEALTHIER WORLD.

     ╔F EVERYTHING APPEARS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT
     THE HELL IS GOING ON.

     ╔F IT JAMS - FORCE IT. ╔F IT BREAKS, IT NEEDED REPLACING ANYWAY.

     ╔F IT'S NOT IN THE COMPUTER, THEN IT DOESN'T EXIST.

     ╔F IT'S RATIONAL, IF IT'S LOGICAL, AND IF IT MAKES GOOD COMMON SENSE,
     THEN IT'S SIMPLY NOT DONE.




     ╔F MAN'S BEST FRIEND IS THE DOG, WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE THE REST OF US
     ?

     ╔F MATHEMATICALLY YOU END UP WITH THE WRONG ANSWER, TRY MULTIPLYING BY
     THE PAGE NUMBER.

     ╔F MORE THAN ONE PERSON IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A MISCALCULATION, NO ONE
     WILL BE AT FAULT.

     ╔F ONE VIEWS HIS PROBLEM SUFFICIENTLY CLOSELY, HE WILL RECOGNIZE
     HIMSELF AS PART OF THE PROBLEM.

     ╔F SOMEONE GIVES YOU SO-CALLED GOOD ADVICE, DO THE OPPOSITE; YOU MAY
     BE CERTAIN THAT THAT WILL BE THE RIGHT THING NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN.

     ╔F THE FACTS ARE AGAINST YOU, ARGUE THE LAW. ╔F THE LAW IS AGAINST
     YOU, POUND THE TABLE AND YELL LIKE HELL.

     ╔F THE FIRST PERSON WHO ANSWERS THE PHONE CAN'T HANDLE YOUR QUESTION,
     THEN IT'S A BUREAUCRACY.

     ╔F THE GODS HAD REALLY INTENDED MEN TO FLY, THEY'D HAVE MADE IT EASIER
     TO GET TO THE AIRPORT.

     ╔F THE GOVERNMENT HASN'T YET TAXED, LICENSED, OR REGULATED IT, THEN IT
     PROBABLY AIN'T WORTH ANYTHING.

     ╔F THE NATION'S ECONOMISTS WERE ALL LAID END TO END, THEY WOULD POINT
     IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

     ╔F THE PLATING WORK THAT WE DO FOR YOU IS DEFECTIVE, WE WILL REFUND
     YOUR MONEY, REDO THE PARTS FREE, CLOSE OUR PLANT, AND HAVE THE PLANT
     MANAGER SHOT. ╫ILL THAT BE SATISFACTORY ?

     ╔F THE SHOE FITS, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWING FOR GROWTH.

     ╔F THE THOUGHT OF GROWING OLD BOTHERS YOU, CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVE.

     ╔F THE UNIVERSE IS INDEED INSANE, WHO IS THE ASYLUM KEEPER ?

     ╔F THIS IS THE LAND OF THE FUTURE, WHY ARE WE ALL SO GIVEN TO
     NOSTALGIA ?

     ╔F TRUTH WERE A MATTER OF OPINION, THEN THE MAJORITY WOULD ALWAYS BE
     RIGHT.

     ╔F YOU ARE FEELING GOOD, DON'T WORRY; YOU'LL GET OVER IT.

     ╔F YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HEAD WHILE ALL ABOUT YOU ARE LOSING THEIRS, THEN
     YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON.

     ╔F YOU CANNOT CONVINCE THEM, CONFUSE THEM.

     ╔F YOU CANNOT LOGICALLY REFUTE A MAN'S ARGUMENTS, NOT ALL IS LOST. ┘OU
     CAN ALWAYS CALL HIM NASTY NAMES.

     ╔F YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND IT, IT IS INTUITIVELY OBVIOUS.

     ╔F YOU DISINFECT THE POND, YOU KILL THE LILIES.

     ╔F YOU DOUBT THAT ╥OCHESTERIANS BELIEVE IN ╟OD, WATCH HOW THEY DRIVE.

     ╔F YOU GAVE A MONKEY CONTROL OF ITS ENVIRONMENT, IT WOULD FILL THE
     UNIVERSE WITH BANANAS.




     ╔F YOU LIVE AMONG THE WOLVES, LEARN TO HOWL LIKE THEM.

     ╔F YOU THINK THAT MENTAL ILLNESS INTERFERES WITH FINANCIAL SUCCESS,
     JUST LOOK AT THE AVERAGE TELEVISION EVANGELIST.

     ╔F YOU THINK THAT NO ONE CARES THAT YOU'RE ALIVE, TRY MISSING A FEW
     CAR PAYMENTS.

     ╔F YOU TRY TO PLEASE EVERYBODY, NOBODY WILL LIKE IT.

     ╔F YOU WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE ANGRY, LIE TO THEM. ╔F YOU WANT TO MAKE
     THEM ABSOLUTELY LIVID, THEN TELL 'EM THE TRUTH.

     ╔F YOUNG WOMEN OFTEN DO MARRY MEN LIKE THEIR FATHERS, NO WONDER THEIR
     MOTHERS CRY AT THEIR WEDDINGS.

     ╔N ┴MERICA, THE ╙ECRETARY OF ┴GRICULTURE CATCHES HELL FOR UNMANAGEABLE
     FOOD SURPLUSES; IN ╥USSIA, HIS COUNTERPART GOES TO ╙IBERIA BECAUSE OF
     UNMANAGEABLE FOOD SHORTAGES.

     ╔N A MAD WORLD, ONLY GREATER MADNESS SUCCEEDS.

     ╔N A PERMISSIVE SOCIETY, THE CREAM RISES TO THE TOP...AND SO DOES THE
     SCUM.

     ╔N A WORLD THAT RUNS ON DECEIT, DECEPTION, AND DUPLICITY, THE HONEST
     MAN IS ALWAYS AT A DISADVANTAGE.


     ╔N ANY ORGANIZATION, THERE ARE ONLY TWO PEOPLE TO CONTACT IF YOU WANT
     RESULTS:
     THE ONE AT THE VERY TOP AND THE ONE AT THE VERY BOTTOM.

     ╔N CASE OF DOUBT, MAKE IT SOUND CONVINCING.

     ╔N DEATH, AVOID HELL.
     ╔N LIFE, AVOID THE LAW COURTS.

     ╔N DEFEAT, MALICE.
     ╔N VICTORY, REVENGE.

     ╔N DESIGNING ANY TYPE OF MACHINE COMPONENT, NO OVERALL DIMENSION CAN
     BE TOTALLED ACCURATELY AFTER 4:30PM ╞RIDAY. ╘HE CORRECT TOTAL WILL
     BECOME SELF-EVIDENT AT 8:15AM ON ═ONDAY.

     ╔N DOING GOOD, AVOID NOTORIETY. ╔N DOING EVIL, AVOID SELF-AWARENESS.

     ╔N HELL, TREASON IS THE WORK OF ANGELS.

     ╔N JEALOUSY, THERE IS OFTEN MORE SELF-LOVE THAN LOVE.

     ╔N ORDER TO OBTAIN A LOAN, YOU MUST FIRST PROVE THAT YOU DON'T NEED
     IT.

     ╔N SOME COUNTRIES, ├HAUCER AND ─ANTE ARE THE CLASSICS. ╔N THIS
     COUNTRY, IT'S A SOFT DRINK.

     ╔N THE ┬EGINNING, ╟OD CREATED THE ╧RGANIZATION AND GAVE ╔T DOMINION
     OVER MAN.
                -╟ENESIS, ┴RTICLE ╓╔╔, SECTION 3, PARAGRAPH ├.

     ╔N THE FINAL ANALYSIS, ENTROPY ALWAYS WINS.

     ╔N THE LONG RUN, WE ARE ALL DEAD.




     ╔N THIRD-WORLD POLITICS, THE PEOPLE WITH THE GUNS CALL THE SHOTS.

     ╔NJUSTICE ANYWHERE IS A THREAT TO JUSTICE EVERYWHERE.

     ╔NSIDE EVERY SHORT MAN IS A TALL MAN DOUBLED OVER IN EXTREME PAIN.

     ╔NSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT THE BOXES IN YOUR ORGANIZATIONAL CHART, BE
     CONCERNED WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ARE BOXED IN.

     ╔NSTITUTIONS ARE MORE RARELY OVERTHROWN FROM WITHOUT, MORE OFTEN
     CORRODED FROM WITHIN.

     ╔NTERESTING HISTORY IS AWFUL LIVING.

     ╔SN'T IT STRANGE THAT THE SAME PEOPLE WHO LAUGH AT GYPSY
     FORTUNE-TELLERS TAKE ECONOMISTS SERIOUSLY.

     ╔T DOESN'T MUCH MATTER WHOM YOU MARRY, FOR TOMORROW MORNING YOU
     DISCOVER THAT IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE.

     ╔T IS A GRAVE ERROR TO ALLOW ANY MECHANICAL DEVICE TO REALIZE THAT YOU
     ARE IN A HURRY.

     ╔T IS AXIOMATIC THAT EVEN THE STRONGEST OF MEN WILL FALL BEFORE A
     PYGMY WITH A SUBMACHINE GUN.

     ╔T IS BETTER TO ADD LIFE TO YOUR YEARS THAN IT IS TO ADD YEARS TO YOUR
     LIFE.

     ╔T IS BETTER TO BE ENVIED THAN TO BE CONSOLED.

     ╔T IS BETTER TO RESIGN FROM OFFICE THAN IT IS TO DIE IN OFFICE; THAT
     WAY, YOU GET TO HEAR SOME OF THE EULOGIES.

     ╔T IS DIFFICULT TO BE POLITICALLY CONSCIOUS AND UPWARDLY MOBILE AT THE
     SAME TIME.

     ╔T IS IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE ANYTHING FOOLPROOF BECAUSE FOOLS ARE SO
     INGENIOUS.

     ╔T IS MORALLY WRONG TO ALLOW SUCKERS TO KEEP THEIR MONEY.

     ╔T IS OFTEN EASIER TO FIND THE TRUTH THAN IT IS TO ACCEPT IT.

     ╔T IS ONLY IN ┴ESOP'S FABLES THAT AN ELEPHANT TAKES ADVICE FROM A
     MOUSE.

     ╔T IS PROBABLY BETTER TO BE INSANE WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD THAN TO
     BE SANE ALONE.

     ╔T IS THE MANNER, AND NOT THE CONTENT, THAT MARKS A GENTLEMAN.

     ╔T IS WHEN THE IRRITATION OF DOUBT CAUSES A STRUGGLE TO ATTAIN BELIEF
     THAT THE ENTERPRISE OF THOUGHT BEGINS.

     ╔T IS WRONG TO REPEAT GOSSIP, BUT WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO WITH IT ?

     ╔T TAKES TWENTY-FIVE DUMB ANIMALS TO MAKE A FUR COAT. AND ONLY ONE TO
     WEAR IT.

     ╔T TAKES VERY LITTLE TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY, AND MORE THAN IS CONTAINED
     IN HEAVEN AND EARTH TO KEEP HER THAT WAY.

     ╔T'S DIFFICULT TO SOAR WITH THE EAGLES WHEN YOU WORK WITH TURKEYS.




     ╔T'S NOT SOCIAL OPPRESSION THAT MOVES WILD-EYED REVOLUTIONARIES; IT'S
     ENVY, PURE AND SIMPLE.

     ╔T'S NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE, IT'S HOW YOU PLACE THE BLAME.

     ╔T'S WHAT YOU LEARN AFTER YOU KNOW IT ALL THAT COUNTS.

     ╩OHN ─ONNE WAS WRONG.

     ╩OURNALISM, LIKE PROSTITUTION, IS A CAREER IN WHICH JUST ONE FORAY
     MAKES A PROFESSIONAL.

     ╩UST BECAUSE YOU ARE PARANOID DOES NOT MEAN THAT NO ONE IS FOLLOWING
     YOU.

     ╩USTICE MUST NOT ONLY BE DONE; IT MUST BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED.

     ╦ILL THE MONEYLENDERS.

     ╦NOWLEDGE CAN CURE IGNORANCE, BUT INTELLIGENCE CANNOT CURE STUPIDITY.

     ╠ABOR DISGRACES NO MAN, BUT OFTEN A MAN DISGRACES LABOR.

     ╠ARGE BRAINS CAN CONTAIN SMALL MINDS.

     ╠AST WEKE ╔ CUDN'T EVEN SPEL KUMPOOTER PROGRAMER AND TODAY ╔ ARE ONE!

     ╠AW REMAINS LONG AFTER JUSTICE FLEES.

     ╠EAKPROOF SEALS - WILL.
     ╙ELFSTARTERS - WILL NOT.
     ╔NTERCHANGEABLE PARTS - WON'T.

     ╠EFTOVER NUTS NEVER MATCH LEFTOVER BOLTS.

     ╠ESS OF A GOOD THING IS SOMETIMES BETTER - ASK ANYONE ON A DIET.

     ╠IFE IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE; THE DIPLOMA IS YOUR DEATH CERTIFICATE.

     ╠IFE IS A TEMPORARY ASSIGNMENT.

     ╠IFE IS A TERMINAL CONDITION.

     ╠IFE'S A BITCH.
     ┬UT, THEN, CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVE.

     ╠ITTLE BOYS THROW STONES IN JEST.
     ╠ITTLE FROGS DIE IN EARNEST.

     ╠IVE EVERY DAY AS THOUGH IT WERE YOUR LAST.
     ╧NE DAY, YOU'LL BE RIGHT.

     ╠IVE WITHIN YOUR INCOME, EVEN IF YOU MUST BORROW TO DO IT.

     ╠OCKS AND KEYS ARE FOR HONEST PEOPLE.

     ╠OGIC IS A SYSTEMATIC METHOD OF COMING TO THE WRONG CONCLUSION WITH
     CONFIDENCE.

     ╠OST CAUSES ARE THE ONLY ONES WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

     ╠UCK, IT IS SAID, DISLIKES WORKING DOUBLE SHIFTS.

     ═AKING THIS WORLD BETTER WILL GAIN YOU THE GREATEST CREDIT IN THE NEXT



     ONE.

     ═AN DOES NOT LIVE BY BREAD ALONE.
     ┬UT HE DAMNED WELL DOESN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT, EITHER.

     ═ANY KNOW HOW TO FLATTER; FEW KNOW HOW TO PRAISE.

     ═ARRIAGE IS LIKE BURNING THE HOUSE DOWN TO TOAST THE BREAD.

     ═ARRIAGE IS THE ONLY ADVENTURE OPEN TO THE COWARDLY.

     ═AY YOU LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES.

     ═AYFLIES CONTINUALLY PLOT TO TOPPLE THE CEDAR.

     ═EASURE TWICE 'CAUSE YOU CAN ONLY CUT ONCE.

     ═EASURED WITH A MICROMETER.
     ═ARKED WITH CHALK.
     ├UT WITH AN AXE.

     ═EN AND NATIONS WILL ACT RATIONALLY WHEN ALL OTHER POSSIBILITIES HAVE
     BEEN EXHAUSTED.

     ═EN HEAP TOGETHER THE MISTAKES OF THEIR LIVES AND CREATE A MONSTER
     THEY CALL DESTINY.

     ═IDDLE AGE IS WHEN YOU WONDER IF YOUR WARRANTY IS RUNNING OUT.

     ═ILES AREN'T THE ONLY DISTANCE.

     ═ONOTONY IS THE LAW OF ╬ATURE. ╧BSERVE THE MONOTONOUS MANNER IN WHICH
     THE SUN RISES.

     ═ORE MEN ARE SHEEP IN WOLVES' CLOTHING THAN THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

     ═OST MEN AND NATIONS DIE LYING DOWN.

     ═OTHER ╬ATURE APPLIES ALL HER RULES...ALL THE TIME.

     ═OTOR GENTLY THROUGH THE GREASEMUD, FOR THERE LURKS THE SKID DEMON.

     ═URPHY'S ╟OLDEN ╥ULE:
        ╫HOEVER HAS THE GOLD MAKES THE RULES.

     ═URPHY'S ╠AW: ╔F IT CAN GO WRONG, IT WILL...AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME
     AND IN THE WORST POSSIBLE PLACE.
     ╞ISHER'S ╠AW: ═URPHY WAS AN OPTIMIST.

     ╬ATURE ALWAYS SIDES WITH THE HIDDEN FLAW.

     ╬EVER ARGUE WITH A FOOL...PEOPLE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO TELL YOU APART.

     ╬EVER CLAIM AS A RIGHT THAT WHICH YOU CAN ASK AS A FAVOR.

     ╬EVER CLIMB A FENCE WHEN YOU CAN SIT ON IT.

     ╬EVER COMPLAIN;
     NEVER EXPLAIN.

     ╬EVER DO CARD TRICKS FOR THE GROUP YOU PLAY POKER WITH.

     ╬EVER EAT PRUNES WHEN YOU ARE FAMISHED.

     ╬EVER EMBEZZLE MORE THAN YOUR EMPLOYER CAN AFFORD.




     ╬EVER GET INTO A FIGHT WITH AN UGLY PERSON. ╚E HAS NOTHING TO LOSE.

     ╬EVER GET MIXED UP WITH ECONOMISTS. ╘HEIR THINKING IS MUDDY AND THEY
     HAVE BAD BREATH.

     ╬EVER HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE UNDERSTOOD SO LITTLE ABOUT SO MUCH.

     ╬EVER INVEST IN ANYTHING THAT EATS OR NEEDS REPAINTING.

     ╬EVER LET YOUR SENSE OF MORALITY STOP YOU FROM DOING WHAT IS RIGHT.

     ╬EVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE...THERE ARE SO MANY NEW ONES TO
     MAKE!

     ╬EVER MARRY A WOMAN WHO PRAYS TOO MUCH.

     ╬EVER MISTAKE GOOD MANNERS FOR GOOD WILL.

     ╬EVER PLAY LEAPFROG WITH A UNICORN.

     ╬EVER QUESTION YOUR WIFE'S JUDGEMENT...LOOK WHOM SHE MARRIED.

     ╬EVER STEP IN ANYTHING SOFT.

     ╬EVER TRUST ANYONE WHO LAUGHS AT HIS OWN ONE-LINERS.

     ╬EVER TRY TO TEACH A PIG HOW TO SING. ╔T IS A WASTE OF TIME AND IT
     ANNOYS THE PIG.

     ╬EVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPIDITY.

     ╬EVER, EVER TRUST ANYONE UNDER 30 OR OVER 25.

     ╬EVER, EVER, INSULT A TELEPHONE ANSWERING MACHINE. ╘HEY HAVE WAYS OF
     GETTING EVEN.

     ╬EW SYSTEMS GENERATE NEW PROBLEMS.

     ╬EXT TO BEING SHOT AT AND MISSED, NOTHING IS REALLY QUITE AS
     SATISFYING AS AN INCOME TAX REFUND.

     ╬O CLASS OF ┴MERICANS HAS EVER OBJECTED TO ANY AMOUNT OF GOVERNMENT
     MEDDLING IF IT APPEARED TO BENEFIT THAT PARTICULAR CLASS.

     ╬O MAN'S KNOWLEDGE GOES BEYOND HIS EXPERIENCE.

     ╬O MAN'S LIFE, LIBERTY, OR PROPERTY ARE SAFE WHILST THE LEGISLATURE IS
     IN SESSION.

     ╬O MATTER HOW BAD YOUR KID IS, HE'S STILL GOOD FOR A TAX EXEMPTION.

     ╬O MATTER HOW LONG OR HOW DILIGENTLY YOU SHOP FOR A MACHINE, ONCE
     YOU'VE PURCHASED IT, IT WILL BE ON SALE FOR 30% LESS.

     ╬O NAME, NO MATTER HOW SIMPLE, CAN BE CORRECTLY UNDERSTOOD OVER THE
     PHONE.

     ╬O ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.

     ╬O ONE EVER FOUND MARVELS BY SEEKING THEM.

     ╬O ONE GETS TOO OLD TO LEARN A NEW WAY OF BEING STUPID.

     ╬OT ALL THE KOOKIES ARE IN THE JAR.




     ╬OTHING DISPELS ENTHUSIASM LIKE A SMALL ADMISSION FEE.

     ╬OTHING IN OUR HISTORY IS PLAINER, OR MORE TRAGIC, THAN THE GULF
     BETWEEN CLEVERNESS AND WISDOM.

     ╬OTHING IN THE UNIVERSE AROUSES MORE FALSE HOPES THAN THE FIRST FOUR
     HOURS OF A DIET.

     ╬OTHING IRRITATES A STANDARD ┴MERICAN CORPORATE EXECUTIVE QUITE SO
     MUCH AS THE SIGHT OF SOMEONE ACTUALLY DARING TO PRACTICE CAPITALISM.

     ╬OTHING IS ILLEGAL IF 100 BUSINESSMEN DECIDE TO DO IT.

     ╬OTHING IS REALLY LABOR UNLESS YOU WOULD RATHER BE DOING SOMETHING
     ELSE.

     ╬OTHING MOTIVATES A MAN MORE THAN TO SEE HIS BOSS PUT IN AN HONEST
     DAY'S WORK.


     ╧DDS ARE, THE PHRASE "╔T'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS" WILL BE FOLLOWED BY
     "BUT".

     ╧F THOSE TEACHING IN TODAY'S SCHOOLS, 80 PERCENT ARE PAID TWICE WHAT
     THEY ARE WORTH AND 20 PERCENT ARE PAID HALF WHAT THEY ARE WORTH.

     ╧LD AGE IS LIKE A BURGLAR.
     ╔T ROBS YOU OF ALL THE GOODIES AND LEAVES THE RUBBISH.

     ╧LD MEN AND COMETS HAVE LONG BEEN REVERED FOR THE SAME REASONS; THEIR
     LONG BEARDS AND THEIR SUPPOSED ABILITY TO FORETELL EVENTS.

     ╧LD MEN MAKE WARS.
     ┘OUNG MEN FIGHT THEM.

     ╧N THE ╧╬┼ DAY YOU TAKE YOUR SECRETARY TO LUNCH, YOUR WIFE WILL BE
     LUNCHING IN THE SAME RESTAURANT.

     ╧NCE UPON A TIME, THERE WERE TWO ├HINAMEN.
     ╬OW LOOK HOW MANY THERE ARE.

     ╧NCE YOU UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM, YOU FIND THAT IT IS WORSE THAN YOU
     EXPECTED.

     ╧NE GODDAMNED THING LEADS TO ANOTHER GODDAMNED THING.

     ╧NE GOOD THING ABOUT LIVING ON A FARM IS THAT YOU CAN FIGHT WITH YOUR
     WIUR WIFE AND AIN'T NOBODY GONNA HEAR.

     ╧NE LAWYER = A CROOK.
     ╘WO LAWYERS = A LAW FIRM.
     ╘HREE OR MORE LAWYERS = A LEGISLATURE.

     ╧NE MAY GENERALLY OBSERVE A SINGULAR ACCORD BETWEEN SUPERCELESTIAL
     IDEAS AND SUBTERRANEAN BEHAVIOR.

     ╧NE SEES MORE CLEARLY BACKWARD THAN FORWARD.

     ╧NE THING YOU CAN SAY FOR KIDS: THEY DON'T GO AROUND SHOWING PICTURES
     OF THEIR GRANDPARENTS.

     ╧PPORTUNITY ALWAYS KNOCKS AT THE LEAST OPPORTUNE MOMENT.

     ╧UR ARCHITECT'S PLANS FOR PLANT RENOVATION BEGIN WITH A PRECISION AIR



     STRIKE.

     ╨EACE IS A PREMISE THE EXISTENCE OF WHICH WE HAVE DEDUCED FROM THE
     INTERVALS BETWEEN WARS.

     ╨EOPLE ARE ALWAYS AVAILABLE FOR WORK IN THE PAST TENSE.

     ╨EOPLE USE THE MOST WORDS WHEN THEY ARE THE LEAST CERTAIN OF WHAT THEY
     ARE SAYING.

     ╨EOPLE WHO COUGH A LOT NEVER GO TO THE DOCTOR...JUST TO MOVIES,
     CONCERTS, AND LECTURES.

     ╨EOPLE WHO HAVE NO FAULTS ARE TERRIBLE: THERE IS NO WAY TO TAKE
     ADVANTAGE OF THEM.

     ╨EOPLE WHO LIVE IN A GOLDEN AGE COMPLAIN THAT EVERYTHING LOOKS
     YELLOW.

     ╨EOPLE, LIKE TURTLES, MAKE LITTLE PROGRESS WITHOUT STICKING THEIR
     NECKS OUT.

     ╨ESSIMISTS ARE THE WORLD'S HAPPIEST PEOPLE....
     ╬INETY PERCENT OF THE TIME THEY ARE RIGHT, AND THE OTHER TEN PERCENT
     THEY ARE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED.

     ╨INOCCHIO WAS SUCH A DOLT TO TRY TO BECOME A HUMAN BEING. ╚E WAS MUCH
     BETTER OFF WITH A WOODEN HEAD.

     ╨OLICEMEN WITH PRIVATE MOTIVES ARE DANGEROUS.

     ╨OLITICAL CUNNING SHOULD NEVER BE MISTAKEN FOR INTELLIGENCE.

     ╨OLITICIANS ARE MUCH LIKE SHIPS: NOISIEST WHEN LOST IN A FOG.

     ╨OLITICIANS DEAL WITH THE PUBLIC ON THE BASIS OF THE MUSHROOM POLICY:
     ╦EEP THEM IN THE DARK AND FEED THEM MANURE.

     ╨RACTICAL POLITICS CONSISTS OF IGNORING THE FACTS. ├OME TO THINK OF
     IT, PRACTICAL ANYTHING CONSISTS OF THAT.

     ╨ROCTOLOGIST'S REVENGE: PUT ┬EN-╟AY IN A GUY'S TUBE OF ╬UPERCAINAL.

     ╨ROOF-POSITIVE THAT ┼ASTERN AND ╫ESTERN TECHNOLOGIES CAN INDEED WORK
     TOGETHER: THE ╘EFLON-COATED WOK.

     ╨SYCHOPATHS AREN'T BORN. ╘HEY ARE MADE.

     ╥ABBITS DANCE AT THE FUNERAL OF THE LION.

     ╥EALITY PRECEDES PERCEPTION.
     ┼XCEPT, OF COURSE, IN SOUTHERN ├ALIFORNIA.

     ╥EMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS ╫HEN JUVENILE DELINQUENCY WAS OBSERVED
     MAINLY IN JUVENILES

     ╥EMEMBER WHEN "╘HERE'S SOMETHING IN THE AIR" WAS JUST A FIGURE OF
     SPEECH

     ╥ESPECT FOR OURSELVES GUIDES OUR MORALS; DEFERENCE TO OTHERS GOVERNS
     OUR MANNERS.

     ╥EVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD.





     ╥OUGHING IT IS TELEVISION WITHOUT CABLE.

     ╥UMORS ARE THE SAUCE OF A DRY LIFE.

     ╙AINTS ENGAGE IN INTROSPECTION WHILE BURLY SINNERS RUN THE WORLD.

     ╙CANDAL, LIKE HYPOCRISY, IS BIPARTISAN.

     ╙CIENCE HAS FINALLY FOUND WHAT DISTINGUISHES ═AN FROM THE OTHER
     BEASTS: FINANCIAL WORRIES.

     ╙ERENDIPITY IS LOOKING IN A HAYSTACK FOR A NEEDLE AND FINDING THE
     FARMER'S DAUGHTER.

     ╙HOW ME ANYTHING WHEREOF IT MAY BE SAID "╙EE, THIS IS NEW," AND ╔ WILL
     SHOW YOU IT HATH BEEN.

     ╙HRINK NOT FROM BLASPHEMY - T'WILL PASS FOR WIT.

     ╙IMPLE PLEASURES ARE THE LAST REFUGE OF THE COMPLEX.

     ╙INCE FEW LARGE PLEASURES ARE LENT TO US ON A LONG LEASE, IT IS WISE
     TO CULTIVATE A LARGE UNDERGROWTH OF SMALL PLEASURES.

     ╙MALL THINGS ENTERTAIN SMALL MINDS.

     ╙MOOTH SEAS NEVER MADE A GOOD SAILOR.

     ╙OME PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LOST IN THOUGHT; OTHER PEOPLE LACK THOUGHTS
     LARGE ENOUGH TO BE LOST IN.

     ╙OME PEOPLE CAN LOOK SO BUSY THAT THEY SEEM INDISPENSABLE.

     ╙OME PEOPLE CAN STAY LONGER IN AN HOUR THAN OTHERS CAN IN A WEEK.

     ╙OME PEOPLE MANAGE BY THE BOOK, EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T KNOW WHO WROTE
     THE BOOK OR EVEN WHAT BOOK.

     ╙OMETIMES IT IS GOOD TO BE ONLY A FLY WHEN GIANTS ARE FIGHTING FOR THE
     HEAVENS.

     ╙OMETIMES, A CIGAR IS JUST A CIGAR.
                             - ╙. ╞REUD

     ╙ONGS UNHEARD ARE SWEETER FAR.

     ╙TRESS IS THAT CONDITION CREATED WHEN THE MIND OVERRIDES THE BODY'S
     BASIC DESIRE TO CHOKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF SOME ASSHOLE WHO
     DESPERATELY NEEDS IT.

     ╙TRONG WORDS CONNOTE WEAK ARGUMENTS.

     ╙UCCEEDING IS MORE SATISFYING THAN SUCCESS.

     ╙UCCESS CONSISTS OF REACHING 40 BEFORE YOUR WAIST DOES.

     ╙UPPORT YOUR LOCAL BLOODHOUND.
     ╟ET LOST.

     ╙YMPATHY IS WHAT YOU GIVE A RELATIVE WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO LEND HIM
     CASH.

     ╘AKE CARE WHICH RUT YOU CHOOSE; YOU'LL BE IN IT FOR THE NEXT TEN
     YEARS.




     ╘AKING SOMETHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT MAY RAISE YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE.

     ╘ATOOS ARE THE COMMON MAN'S WAY OF INVESTING IN ART.

     ╘ECHNOLOGY IS DOMINATED BY THOSE WHO MANAGE WHAT THEY DO NOT
     UNDERSTAND.

     ╘ELEVISION IS CHEWING GUM FOR THE EYES.

     ╘ELL A MAN THAT THERE ARE 500 MILLION TRILLION STARS IN THE UNIVERSE
     AND HE WILL BELIEVE YOU. ╘ELL HIM THAT THERE'S WET PAINT ON THAT
     BENCH....

     ╘EMPT NOT A DESPERATE MAN.

     ╘HAT WHICH IS CROOKED CANNOT BE MADE STRAIGHT, ALTHOUGH THERE ARE
     PSYCHOTHERAPISTS WHO MIGHT DISAGREE.

     ╘HE ┬OY ╙COUT CREDO: SOUND MIND, SOUND BODY...TAKE YOUR CHOICE.

     ╘HE ┬RITISH PARLIAMENT IS CALLED THE "═OTHER OF ╠EGISLATURES". ┴
     SOMEWHAT SIMILAR TERM IS OFTEN APPLIED TO ├ONGRESS.

     ╘HE ─EVIL'S GREATEST TRIUMPH WAS CONVINCING THE MODERN WORLD THAT HE
     DOESN'T EXIST.

     ╘HE ╥USSIANS WILL NEVER INVADE US...THERE'S NO PLACE TO PARK.

     ╘HE ATTENTION SPAN OF A COMPUTER IS ONLY AS LONG AS ITS ELECTRICAL
     CORD.

     ╘HE AVERAGE ╒.╙. TAXPAYER IS PROUD TO BE PAYING TAXES. ╧F COURSE, HE
     COULD BE JUST AS PROUD FOR HALF THE MONEY.

     ╘HE BEST BILGE PUMP IN THE WORLD IS A TERRIFIED SAILOR WITH A BUCKET.

     ╘HE BEST WAY TO ACHIEVE IMMORTALITY IS BY NOT DYING.

     ╘HE BEST WAY TO ATTRACT MONEY IS TO GIVE THE APPEARANCE OF HAVING IT.

     ╘HE BEST WAY TO AVOID GROWING OLD IS NOT TO BE BORN SO SOON.

     ╘HE BEST WAY TO MAKE FIRE WITH TWO STICKS IS TO INSURE THAT ONE OF
     THEM IS A MATCH.

     ╘HE BEST WAY TO SAVE FACE IS TO KEEP THE LOWER HALF CLOSED.

     ╘HE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE HARDER THEY PUNCH.

     ╘HE BIGGEST IDIOT CAN ASK QUESTIONS THE SMARTEST MAN CANNOT ANSWER.

     ╘HE DANGER IN BEING KING IS THAT AFTER A WHILE YOU BEGIN TO BELIEVE
     YOU REALLY ARE ONE.

     ╘HE DEEPEST AND MOST IMPORTANT VIRTUES ARE OFTEN THE DULLEST ONES.

     ╘HE DEGREE OF TECHNICAL COMPETENCE IS INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL TO THE
     LEVEL OF MANAGEMENT.

     ╘HE FIFTEEN MINUTE MORNING COFFEE BREAK IS WHEN YOUR EMPLOYEES TAKE A
     BREAK FROM DOING NOTHING.

     ╘HE FIRST GREAT GIFT THAT WE CAN BESTOW UPON OTHERS IS A GOOD
     EXAMPLE.




     ╘HE FIRST MYTH OF MANAGEMENT IS THAT I
     ╘HE FIRST PLACE IN WHICH TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING IS THE LAST PLACE IN
     WHICH YOU EXPECT TO FIND IT.

     ╘HE FRAUDULENCE OF THE EXERCISE IS PROPORTIONAL TO THE MARGIN OF
     VICTORY.

     ╘HE GALAXY IS FULL OF DISHONORABLE MEN ...╫ELL, EVERYONE'S GOT TO MAKE
     A LIVING.

     ╘HE GAP BETWEEN THEORY AND PRACTICE IS FILLED WITH APOLOGY.

     ╘HE GREAT CLASSES OF PEOPLE WILL MORE EASILY FALL VICTIMS TO A GREAT
     LIE THAN TO A SMALL ONE.

     ╘HE GREAT TRAGEDY OF OUR ERA IS NOT THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THINGS BUT THE
     INSIGNIFICANCE OF THINGS.

     ╘HE HEALTHY STOMACH IS NOTHING IF NOT CONSERVATIVE; FEW RADICALS HAVE
     GOOD DIGESTIONS.

     ╘HE HUMAN BRAIN IS A WONDEROUS INSTRUMENT. ╔T STARTS WORKING THE
     MOMENT YOU WAKE UP AND DOESN'T STOP UNTIL YOU GET TO THE OFFICE.

     ╘HE LAST MAN ON ┼ARTH SAT ALONE IN A ROOM.
     ╘HERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR...

     ╘HE LAST TIME DOCTORS WENT ON STRIKE, THE DEATH RATE DROPPED THIRTY
     PERCENT.

     ╘HE LATER YOU ARE FOR YOUR FLIGHT, THE MORE TIMES YOU HAVE TO GO
     THROUGH THE METAL DETECTOR.

     ╘HE LAW, IN ITS MAJESTIC EQUALITY, FORBIDS THE RICH AS WELL AS THE
     POOR TO SLEEP UNDER BRIDGES, BEG IN THE STREETS, AND STEAL BREAD.

     ╘HE LAWYER'S CREDO: IF YOU CAN'T DAZZLE 'EM WITH BRILLIANCE, BAFFLE
     'EM WITH BULLSHIT.

     ╘HE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS THE HEADLAMP OF AN ONCOMING
     TRAIN.

     ╘HE LONGER YOU WAIT IN LINE, THE GREATER THE PROBABILITY THAT IT IS
     THE WRONG LINE.

     ╘HE MAN WHO IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT BEING A GENTLEMAN NEVER IS ONE.

     ╘HE MORE CORDIAL THE BUYER'S SECRETARY, THE GREATER THE PROBABILITY
     THAT THE COMPETITION ALREADY HAS THE ORDER.

     ╘HE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAYS OF THE YEAR ARE ALWAYS THE DAYS JUST BEFORE
     AND JUST AFTER YOUR VACATION.

     ╘HE MOST SUCCESSFUL JOURNEY IS A DULL JOURNEY.

     ╘HE MOUSE DREAMS DREAMS THAT WOULD TERRIFY THE CAT.

     ╘HE NICE THING ABOUT SCIENTIFIC STUDIES IS THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND
     ONE THAT PROVES CONCLUSIVELY THAT YOUR PRODUCT IS SAFE AND THAT YOUR
     COMPETITOR'S CAUSES CANCER.

     ╘HE NUMBER OF EMPLOYEES IN ANY WORK GROUP TENDS TO INCREASE
     IRRESPECTIVE OF THE AMOUNT OF WORK TO BE DONE.

     ╘HE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WATCHING YOU IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE
     STUPIDITY OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING.




     ╘HE ONE TIME IN THE DAY THAT YOU LEAN BACK AND RELAX IS THE ONE TIME
     THE BOSS COMES STROLLING THROUGH THE PLANT.

     ╘HE ONLY GOVERNMENT HANDOUT THAT ╔ WANT IS THE GOVERNMENT'S HAND OUT
     OF MY POCKET.

     ╘HE ONLY IMPERFECT THING IN NATURE IS THE HUMAN RACE.

     ╘HE ONLY PEOPLE THAT SNOBS WANT TO KNOW ARE THOSE WHO DON'T WANT TO
     KNOW THEM.

     ╘HE ONLY PEOPLE TO PROFIT FROM THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS ARE
     BIOGRAPHERS.

     ╘HE ONLY PERFECT SCIENCE IS HINDSIGHT.

     ╘HE ONLY THING WORSE THAN A MALE CHAUVINIST PIG IS THE FEMALE
     VERSION.

     ╘HE ONLY THINGS IN HISTORY THAT ARE INEVITABLE ARE THOSE THAT HAVE
     ALREADY HAPPENED.

     ╘HE ONLY VALID GENERALIZATION THAT CAN BE MADE ABOUT SCIENTISTS IS
     THAT THEY REQUIRE UNLIMITED RESOURCES FOR IMPROBABLE PROJECTS OF
     INTERMINABLE GESTATION PERIODS.

     ╘HE OPERA AIN'T OVER 'TIL THE FAT LADY SINGS.

     ╘HE OPULENCE OF THE FRONT OFFICE DECOR VARIES INVERSELY WITH THE
     FUNDAMENTAL SOLVENCY OF THE FIRM.

     ╘HE ORGANIZATION OF ANY BUREAUCRACY IS VERY MUCH LIKE A SEPTIC
     TANK....╘HE REALLY BIG CHUNKS ALWAYS RISE TO THE TOP.

     ╘HE PERSON WHO BUYS THE MOST RAFFLE TICKETS HAS THE LEAST CHANCE OF
     WINNING.

     ╘HE PERSON WHO MARRIES FOR MONEY GENERALLY ENDS UP EARNING IT.

     ╘HE PERSON WHO SNORES THE LOUDEST WILL FALL ASLEEP FIRST.

     ╘HE PRICE OF TOTAL FREEDOM IS TOTAL ANARCHY. ╘HE PRICE OF TOTAL
     SECURITY IS TOTAL ENSLAVEMENT.

     ╘HE PRIMARY FUNCTION OF THE DESIGN ENGINEER IS TO MAKE THINGS
     DIFFICULT FOR THE FABRICATOR AND IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE SERVICEMAN.

     ╘HE PROBABILITY OF A PIECE OF BREAD FALLING WITH THE BUTTERED SIDE
     DOWN IS PROPORTIONAL TO THE COST OF THE CARPET.

     ╘HE PROBABILITY OF YOUR ALARM NOT GOING OFF INCREASES IN DIRECT
     PROPORTION TO THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR 8:00AM MEETING.

     ╘HE PROMISES OF MANIACS, LIKE THOSE OF SALESMEN, ARE NOT SAFELY RELIED
     UPON.

     ╘HE RACE IS NOT ALWAYS TO THE SWIFT, NOR THE BATTLE TO THE STRONG, BUT
     THAT'S THE WAY TO BET 'EM.

     ╘HE RAT RACE IS OVER. ╘HE RATS WON.

     ╘HE REAL CRIME IN EDUCATION TODAY IS NOT THE WAY WE TREAT TEACHERS BUT
     WHOM WE ALLOW TO BE TEACHERS.




     ╘HE REAL OUTRAGE TODAY ISN'T WHAT'S ILLEGAL.
     ╔T'S WHAT IS LEGAL.

     ╘HE REASON THE WAY OF THE SINNER IS HARD IS BECAUSE IT IS SO CROWDED.

     ╘HE REASON WHY WORRY KILLS MORE PEOPLE THAN WORK DOES IS THAT MORE
     PEOPLE WORRY THAN WORK.

     ╘HE REPAIRMAN WILL NEVER HAVE SEEN A MODEL QUITE LIKE YOURS BEFORE.

     ╘HE SADDEST OF WORDS: ╔ ALWAYS WANTED TO BUT NEVER DID.

     ╘HE SECRET OF STAYING YOUNG IS FINDING AN AGE THAT YOU REALLY LIKE AND
     THEN STICKING WITH IT.

     ╘HE SECRET OF SUCCESS IS SINCERITY. ╧NCE YOU CAN FAKE THAT, YOU'VE GOT
     IT MADE.

     ╘HE SHIP OF STATE IS THE ONLY SHIP THAT LEAKS AT THE TOP.

     ╘HE SMALLER THE ISSUE, THE BIGGER THE FIGHT.

     ╘HE SOLE RELIABLE TEST OF A FIRST-RATE INTELLIGENCE IS TO HOLD TWO
     OPPOSITE IDEAS IN THE MIND WHILST STILL RETAINING THE ABILITY TO TIE
     ONE'S OWN SHOE
     LACES.

     ╘HE SOONER MAN BEGINS TO SPEND HIS WEALTH, THE BETTER HE USES IT.

     ╘HE STRONGEST PART OF ANY PAPER FORM IS THE PERFORATION.

     ╘HE SUCCESSFUL ENJOYMENT OF VICE REQUIRES TRAINING AND LONG PRACTICE.

     ╘HE SUN ARISETH AND THE SUN GOETH DOWN, AND THE SAME THINGS COME ALIKE
     TO THE RIGHTEOUS AND THE WICKED.

     ╘HE SUPREME IRONY OF LIFE IS THAT HARDLY ANYONE GETS OUT OF IT ALIVE.

     ╘HE TALE OF THE ERRANT ENTREPRENEUR:
     ╚IGH CHAIR; HIGH SCHOOL; HIGH HOPES; HIGH FINANCE; "╚I, ╫ARDEN!".

     ╘HE UNIVERSE IS GOVERNED BY A COMMITTEE; NO ONE MAN COULD MAKE THAT
     MANY MISTAKES.

     ╘HE VERY SAME ┴MERICAN TEXTILE INDUSTRY THAT LOBBIES HYSTERICALLY
     AGAINST THE IMPORT OF TEXTILE PRODUCTS IMPORTS VIRTUALLY ALL ITS
     TEXTILE MANUFACTURING MACHINERY...╔ WONDER WHY

     ╘HE WHOLE OF LIFE IS FUTILE UNLESS YOU REGARD IT IS A SPORTING
     PROPOSITION.

     ╘HE WORLD IS A COMEDY TO THOSE THAT THINK, A TRAGEDY TO THOSE THAT
     FEEL.

     ╘HE WORLD IS DISGRACEFULLY MANAGED; ONE HARDLY KNOWS TO WHOM TO
     COMPLAIN.

     ╘HEM THAT HAS, GETS.

     ╘HERE ARE NO MORAL MESSAGES IN ╬ATURE.

     ╘HERE ARE ONLY FOUR BASIC PLOTS IN LIFE, AND NINE IN LITERATURE.

     ╘HERE ARE THOSE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.
     ╘HERE ARE THOSE WHO WATCH THINGS HAPPEN.



     ┴ND THERE ARE THOSE WHO WONDER WHAT HAPPENED.

     ╘HERE ARE THREE RULES FOR SUCCESSFULLY MANAGING PEOPLE:
     ╒NFORTUNATELY, NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE.

     ╘HERE ARE THREE TYPES OF DELIBERATE FALSEHOODS: LIES, DAMNED LIES, AND
     SALESMEN'S PROMISES.

     ╘HERE ARE TWO KINDS OF MEN WHO NEVER AMOUNT TO MUCH: THOSE WHO CANNOT
     DO WHAT THEY ARE TOLD, AND THOSE WHO CAN DO NOTHING ELSE.

     ╘HERE ARE TWO PERIODS IN WHICH ├ONGRESS DOES NO BUSINESS: ONE IS
     BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS AND THE OTHER IS AFTER.

     ╘HERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING.
     ═OSTLY, THE WRONG TIME.

     ╘HERE IS ALWAYS ONE MORE SON OF A BITCH THAN YOU COUNTED ON.

     ╘HERE IS AN OPTIMAL SIZE FOR ANY PROJECT, AND IT IS ALWAYS BIGGER THAN
     YOU CAN AFFORD.

     ╘HERE IS NO TRUTH IN THE RUMOR THAT MAN IS IMMORTAL.

     ╘HERE IS NOTHING LIKE A GRIEVANCE TO SHARPEN AN OLD MAN'S WITS.

     ╘HERE IS NOTHING MORE TERRIBLE THAN IGNORANCE IN ACTION.

     ╘HERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU THAT AN EXPENSIVE SURGICAL OPERATION
     CANNOT PROLONG.

     ╘HERE IS WISDOM IN MADNESS AND STRONG PROBABILITY OF TRUTH IN ALL
     ACCUSATIONS, FOR PEOPLE ARE COMPLETE, AND EVERYBODY IS CAPABLE OF
     ANYTHING.

     ╘HERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH GLUTTONY...PROVIDING YOU DON'T OVERDO IT.

     ╘HESE DAYS, AN EDUCATION IS ESSENTIAL FOR CAREER SUCCESS. ╒NLESS, OF
     COURSE, YOU RUN FOR ├ONGRESS.

     ╘HEY DON'T INVITE YOU TO THE ╫HITE ╚OUSE FOR A DRINK BECAUSE THEY
     THINK YOU ARE THIRSTY.

     ╘HINGS GET WORSE UNDER PRESSURE.

     ╘HOSE THINGS ARE BETTER WHICH ARE PERFECTED BY ╬ATURE THAN THOSE WHICH
     ARE FINISHED BY ART.

     ╘HOSE WHO BEAT THEIR SWORDS INTO PLOWSHARES GENERALLY END UP PLOWING
     FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T.

     ╘HOSE WHO CAN - DO.
     ╘HOSE WHO CAN'T - TEACH.
     ╘HOSE TOTALLY DEVOID OF USEFUL ABILITY BECOME GOVERNMENT ECONOMISTS.

     ╘HOSE WHO CAN'T TEACH - ADMINISTER.
     ╘HOSE WHO CAN'T ADMINISTER - RUN FOR PUBLIC OFFICE.

     ╘HOSE WHO DO NOT FOLLOW ARE DRAGGED.

     ╘HOSE WHO DO NOT LEARN FROM HISTORY OFTEN END UP MAKING IT.

     ╘HOSE WHO LIKE SAUSAGE OR POLITICAL POLICY SHOULD NOT WATCH EITHER
     BEING MADE.





     ╘IME IS A GREAT TEACHER, BUT IT KILLS ALL ITS PUPILS.

     ╘O A LITTLE FISH, THE WATERS ARE ALWAYS DEEP.

     ╘O A MAN WITH A HAMMER, EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE A NAIL.

     ╘O A WEARY HORSE, EVEN HIS OWN TAIL IS A BURDEN.

     ╘O ERR IS HUMAN. ╘O REALLY FOUL THINGS UP REQUIRES A COMPUTER. ╘O
     CREATE UTTER CHAOS WITH NO PERCEIVABLE POSSIBILITY OF SALVATION CALLS
     FOR AN ═┬┴.

     ╘O HAVE HONESTY COUPLED TO BEAUTY IS TO HAVE HONEY THE SAUCE TO
     SUGAR.

     ╘O HEAR TELL A HUNDRED TIMES IS NOT AS GOOD AS ONCE SEEING.

     ╘O SPOT THE TRUE EXPERT, PICK THE ONE WHO PREDICTS THE JOB WILL TAKE
     THE LONGEST AND COST THE MOST.

     ╘O UNDERSTAND THE CLAY IS NOT TO UNDERSTAND THE POT.

     ╘ODAY'S CONSERVATIVE IS YESTERDAY'S LIBERAL WHO GOT MUGGED LAST
     NIGHT.

     ╘OO MUCH OF ANYTHING IS WONDERFUL.

     ╘RUTH IS A HARD MASTER TO SERVE, FOR THE MORE DEVOTEDLY YOU SERVE HER,
     THE MORE SHE HURTS YOU.

     ╘RUTH IS VERY PRECIOUS, SO SALESMEN AND POLITICIANS USE IT VERY
     SPARINGLY.

     ╘YRANNY IS ALWAYS BETTER ORGANIZED THAN FREEDOM IS.

     ╒NDER SOME CONDITIONS, IN SOME PLACE, AT SOME TIME, THERE WILL ALWAYS
     BE AT LEAST ONE LAW, ORDINANCE, OR STATUTE UNDER WHICH YOU CAN BE
     BOOKED.

     ╒NDER THE MOST RIGOROUSLY CONTROLLED CONDITIONS OF TEMPERATURE,
     PRESSURE, HUMIDITY, TIME, AND VOLTAGE, THE MACHINE WILL DO AS IT
     DAMNED WELL PLEASES.

     ╒NFAITHFULNESS IN THE KEEPING OF AN APPOINTMENT IS AN ACT OF CLEAR
     DISHONESTY.

     ┘OU MAY AS WELL TAKE A PERSON'S MONEY AS HIS TIME.

     ╒NIVERSITIES ARE FULL OF KNOWLEDGE. ╘HE FRESHMEN BRING A LITTLE IN AND
     THE SENIORS TAKE NONE AWAY, SO KNOWLEDGE ACCUMULATES.

     ╓IRTUE DOES NOT LEND ITSELF TO THE SAME VERBAL ENTHUSIASMS THAT VICE
     DOES.

     ╓IRTUE IS A SOCIAL LIABILITY.

     ╫E AIN'T CHEAP, BUT BY GOSH, WE'RE GOOD!

     ╫E ARE ALL PASSENGERS IN THE LEAKY ROWBOAT OF LIFE. ╙O, BAIL FASTER,
     DAMN IT!

     ╫E ARE INCLINED TO BELIEVE THOSE WHOM WE DO NOT KNOW BECAUSE THEY HAVE
     NEVER DECEIVED US.




     ╫E DO NOT KNOW WHO FIRST DISCOVERED WATER. ╚OWEVER, WE ARE CONFIDENT
     THAT IT WAS NOT A FISH.

     ╫E DON'T KNOW ONE MILLIONTH OF ONE PER CENT ABOUT ANYTHING.

     ╫E KNOW WHAT WE ARE, BUT NOT WHAT WE MAY BE.

     ╫ELCOME TO THE TOTALLY-AUTOMATED, FULLY COMPUTERIZED WORLD OF THE
     TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY, WHERE NOTHING CAN GO WRONG...GO WRONG...GO
     WRONG...

     ╫HAT DO THE LIE DETECTOR AND ╫ONDER ╫OMAN HAVE IN COMMON ╘HEY WERE
     INVENTED BY THE SAME PERSON.
     ╦INDA FIGURES, DOESN'T IT.

     ╫HAT DO YOU CALL 500 BUREAUCRATS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE ╨OTOMAC RIVER ?
     ┴ START.

     ╫HAT PEOPLE SAY BEHIND YOUR BACK IS YOUR STANDING IN THE COMMUNITY.

     ╫HAT THE LARGE PRINT GIVETH, THE SMALL PRINT TAKETH AWAY.

     ╫HATEVER IS NOT NAILED DOWN IS THE GOVERNMENT'S. ╫HATEVER THE
     GOVERNMENT CAN PRY LOOSE IS NOT NAILED DOWN.

     ╫HEN ╔ WORKS, ╔ WORKS FAST.
     ╫HEN ╔ PLAYS, ╔ PLAYS HARD.
     ┴ND WHEN ╔ THINKS, ╔ FALLS ASLEEP.

     ╫HEN A BROKEN MACHINE IS DEMONSTRATED FOR THE REPAIRMAN, IT WILL WORK
     PERFECTLY.

     ╫HEN A MAN DIES, HE DOES NOT DIE JUST OF THE DISEASE HE HAS; HE DIES
     OF HIS WHOLE LIFE.

     ╫HEN ANYTHING IS USED TO ITS FULL POTENTIAL, IT WILL BREAK.

     ╫HEN COMES THE REVOLUTION, THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT - NOT BETTER, JUST
     DIFFERENT.

     ╫HEN IN DOUBT, MUMBLE.
     ╫HEN IN TROUBLE, DELEGATE.

     ╫HEN IN TROUBLE OR IN DOUBT,
     ╥UN IN CIRCLES, YELL AND SHOUT.

     ╫HEN MEN ARE EASY IN THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES, THEY ARE NATURALLY ENEMIES
     TO INNOVATION.

     ╫HEN SMASHING MONUMENTS, ALWAYS SAVE THE PEDESTALS - THEY COME IN
     HANDY.

     ╫HEN THE HOUNDS BAY, THE FOX AND THE RABBIT ARE BROTHERS.

     ╫HEN THE MOUSE LAUGHS AT THE CAT, THERE IS A HOLE VERY NEAR BY.

     ╫HEN THE OLD DOG BARKS, BETTER LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.

     ╫HEN THERE IS NO DANGER IN FIGHTING, THERE IS NO GLORY IN WINNING.

     ╫HEN YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, DO IT NEATLY.

     ╫HEN YOU'VE READ ABOUT ONE TRAIN WRECK, YOU'VE READ ABOUT THEM ALL.

     ╫HENEVER A MAN CASTS A LONGING EYE AT PUBLIC OFFICE, A ROTTENNESS



     APPEARS IN HIS CONDUCT.

     ╫HENEVER A SYSTEM BECOMES COMPLETELY DEFINED, SOME DAMNED FOOL
     DISCOVERS SOMETHING WHICH EITHER ABOLISHES THE SYSTEM OR EXPANDS IT
     TOTALLY BEYOND RECOGNITION.

     ╫HERE YOU STAND ON AN ISSUE DEPENDS UPON WHERE YOU SIT.

     ╫HO MOURNS THE FALLING OF A SINGLE LEAF ?

     ╫HOM THE GODS WOULD DESTROY, THEY FIRST MAKE MAD.

     ╫HY DO THEY ALWAYS START OFF THE EVENING NEWS WITH "╟OOD EVENING" WHEN
     ALL THEY DO IS TELL YOU WHY IT ISN'T ?

     ╫HY IS THERE ALWAYS SO MUCH MONTH LEFT AT THE END OF THE MONEY ?

     ╫HY LONG FOR GLORY, WHICH ONE DESPISES AS SOON AS ONE HAS IT ?

     ╫OMEN LIKE SILENT MEN. ╘HEY THINK THEY'RE LISTENING.

     ╫OMEN'S TASTE IN NECKTIES IS AS BAD AS MEN'S IN CHINTZ.

     ╫ORK SMARDER AND NOT HARDER AND BE CAREFUL OF YOR SPELING.

     ╫ORKERS THESE DAYS DON'T MIND PUTTING IN AN HONEST DAY'S WORK. ╘ROUBLE
     IS, IT TAKES 'EM A WEEK TO DO IT.

     ╫OULD THAT REASON WERE AS CONTAGIOUS AS EMOTION.

     ╫OULD YOU FLY IN AN AIRLINER DESIGNED AND BUILT BY THE LOWEST BIDDER
     ?

     ┘EA, THOUGH ╔ WALK THRU THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, ╔ SHALL
     FEAR NO EVIL, 'CAUSE ╔'M THE MEANEST S.O.B. IN THE VALLEY.

     ┘EARS AGO, THE SYMBOL OF ┴MERICA WAS THE BALD EAGLE. ╘ODAY, IT IS THE
     BEER BOTTLE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

     ┘OU CAN GET MORE WITH A KIND WORD AND A GUN THAN YOU CAN WITH A KIND
     WORD.

     ┘OU CAN NEVER TELL WHICH WAY THE TRAIN WENT BY LOOKING AT THE TRACK.

     ┘OU CAN SAY THIS FOR DEATH AND TAXES: WHEN YOU ARE DONE WITH ONE,
     YOU'RE DONE WITH THE OTHER.

     ┘OU CAN'T DROWN YOUR TROUBLES, NOT THE REAL ONES, BECAUSE IF THEY ARE
     REAL, THEY CAN SWIM.

     ┘OU CAN'T HAVE A CLEAR HEAD WHEN THERE IS A SWORD HANGING OVER IT.

     ┘OU CAN'T WIN.

     ┘OU CANNOT DO A KINDNESS TOO SOON, FOR YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT WILL BE
     TOO LATE.

     ┘OU CANNOT REASON A MAN OUT OF THAT WHICH HE HAS NOT BEEN REASONED
     INTO.

     ┘OU CANNOT TAME A TIGER BY PULLING BUT ONE OF HIS TEETH.

     ┘OU KNOW THAT IT'S GONNA BE A BAD DAY WHEN YOU CALL ╙UICIDE ╨REVENTION
     AND THEY PUT YOU ON HOLD.




     ┘OU KNOW YOU ARE IN TROUBLE WHEN YOU COME TO WORK IN THE MORNING AND
     THE BOSS TELLS YOU NOT TO TAKE OFF YOUR COAT.

     ┘OU KNOW YOU ARE IN TROUBLE WHEN YOUR ONLY SON TELLS YOU HE WISHES
     ┴NITA ┬RYANT WOULD MIND HER OWN BUSINESS.

     ┘OU MAY NOT GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR, BUT YOU ALWAYS PAY FOR WHAT YOU
     GET.

     ┘OU NEVER KNOW HOW MANY FRIENDS YOU HAVE UNTIL YOU OWN A HOUSE AT THE
     BEACH.

     ┘OU ONLY GO AROUND ONCE, AND THERE'S NOT ENOUGH GUSTO FOR EVERYONE.

     ┘OU RARELY OBSERVE A MOB RUSHING ACROSS TOWN TO DO A GOOD DEED.

     ┘OU'VE ONE MOUTH AND TWO EARS...USE THEM IN THAT PROPORTION.

     ┘OUR FREEDOM TO SWING YOUR ARM ENDS WHERE MY NOSE BEGINS.