"A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end." F. Schubert
"All flesh is grass" Isaiah Smoke a friend today.
"All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us sane."
"AMDAC?" asked the disgruntled FE.
"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
"Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it."
"Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby."
"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive." Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence" Time Bandits
"But I don't like Spam!!!!"
"But this is my sister's bike!"
"Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missle sighted, target Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."
"Cleveland? Yes, I spent a week there one day."
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!" - Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
"Dad, have you seen Blip? I can't find him anywhere!"
"Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!"
"Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow."
"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him." John Barrymore's dying words
"Don't say yes until I finish talking." Darryl F. Zanuck
"Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to get more wax!!"
"Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud."
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying "Booga, Booga!"
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying UTS is out to lunch!"
"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun." Jeff Berner
"Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral." Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
"Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT."
"Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it."
"For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of a thousand years ago. Why not, then, the last step of doing away with computers altogether?" Jehan Shuman
"God gives burdens; also shoulders"
"Grub first, then ethics." Bertolt Brecht
"He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words."
"He taught us drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils."
"He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes..."
"He's just a politician trying to save both his faces..."
"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
"Heisenberg may have slept here"
"Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!" W. C. Fields
"His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice" -- Foghorn Leghorn
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense"
"How are things?"
"Humour is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse." -- William Gilbert
"I am not an Economist. I am an honest man!" Paul McCracken
"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it." English Professor
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top." English Professor, Ohio University
"I am the housekeeper!"
"I don't know what you mean by YOUR way, all the ways about here belong to ME"
"I drink to make other people interesting." -- George Jean Nathan
"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more." Bill Hoest
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." Albert Einstein
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up." Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian."
"If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?"
"If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows." Yiddish saying
"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith." Albert Einstein
"If looks could kill it would've been us instead of him!"
"If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!" -- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce" Winston Churchill
"If you have to hate, hate gently"
"In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable." Winston Curchill, of Montgomery
"Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous."
"It's bad luck to be superstitious." Andrew W. Mathis
"It's easier said than done." ... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than done".
"It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either." Kevin White, mayor of Boston
"Just as they are."
"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless." -- T. Edison
"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets" The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
"Kernal" is not a word. The correct spelling is "kernel".
"Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six- pack."
"Life may have no meaning -- or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove."
"MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that."
"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts." Winston Churchill
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." Lily Tomlin
"Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!"
"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."
"Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles."
"Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference."
"My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies"
"Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree." Profesoor W.
"Now is the time for all good men to come to." Walt Kelly
"Oh! I thought that was a parrot!". "No, no... They turn that color."
"Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!"
"One Galileo in two thousand years is enough." Pope Pius XII
"One planet is all you get."
"QUIT is a four letter word!" - PC-Hack v. 3.05
"Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!"
"reproduces if added to its quotation." reproduces if added to its quotation.
"She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to." -- Gypsy Rose Lee
"Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned." D. Graeme
"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."
"That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all."
"That's user, u s r, and then there's a space ..."
"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity? If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, it would be a calamity." Benjamin Disraeli
"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer." Henry Kissinger
"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them." Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
"The pyramid is opening!" "Which one?" "The one with the ever-widening hole in it!" Firesign Theater, "How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All"
"The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exaulted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy ... neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!"
"The voters have spoken, the bastards ..."
"The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood." Alexander Haig
"The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune."
"There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope." Oscar Wilde
"There goes Bill!"
"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it." C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
"There's no such thing as gravity - the earth sucks."
"There's nothing you can do that can't be done." John Lennon
"These are DARK TIMES for all mankind's HIGHEST VALUES!" "These are DARK TIMES for FREEDOM and PROSPERITY!" "These are GREAT TIMES to put your money on BAD GUY to kick the CRAP out of MEGATON MAN!"
"They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!"
"This is a country where people are free to practice their religion, regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys ..."
"This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays." Arthur Dent
"To be, or not to be."--Hamlet "Do-bee-do-bee-do."--Sinatra
"To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?"
"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." Woody Allen
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!"
"Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?" "It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?" MacNelley, "Shoe"
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." Mark Twain
"Wayne Newton is," he says, "an example of what America can be."
"We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company."
"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation." Lily Tomlin
"We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later."
"Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat!"
"What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager asked her mother. "Encouragement, dear," she replied.
"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?" Bertold Brecht
"When in doubt, tell the truth." Mark Twain
"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
"Why be a man when you can be a success?" Bertold Brecht
"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved" Mark Twain
"Why was I born with such contemporaries?" Oscar Wilde
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. Lewis Carrol
"You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't." Dagwood Bumstead
"You mean I can send mail to myself?"
"You mean you can't take less, it's very easy to take more than nothing."
"You must realize that the computer has it in for you. The irrefutable proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do."
$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
'Change' is scientific, 'progress' is ethical; change is indubitable, whereas progress is a matter of controversy. Bertrand Russell
'Has eighteen letters' does.
'Home, Sweet Home' must surely have been written by a bachelor.
'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability. - George Bernard Shaw -
(1) Everything depends. (2) Nothing is always. (3) Everything is sometimes.
(A)bort, (R)Retry, (I)gnore, (F)orget all about it ?
(This fortune deleted due to painfully extreme insipidity.)
* UNIX is a trademark of AT&T Bell Laboratories.
... And malt does more than Milton can To justify God's ways to man A. E. Housman
... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. J. B. White
... Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
... if forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains looming up ahead ... Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
... The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand ... Frank Herbert
...the difference between town and country is mostly the view. Nan Fairbrother
/usr/news/gotcha
3000000 km/sec -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
90% of everything is crud.
: is not an identifier
>From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
>From uucp Mon Dec 3 21:05:46 1979
A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. Don Quinn
A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women and yet has the art to remain a bachelor. Helen Rowland. American journalist
A bad compromise is better than a good battle. -- Russian proverb
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. - Robert Frost
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.-- Mark Twain
A beautiful woman will enrich your life soon.
A best-seller was a book which somehow sold well simpliy because it was selling well. Daniel Boorstin
A big mac, french fries and a large coke!
A big man has no time really to do anything but just sit and be big. Francis Scott Fitzgerald
A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it adds up to be real money. Everett McKinley Dirksen
A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. -- Cervantes
A bird in the bush can't relieve itself in your hand.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A book is a mirror: if an ass peers into it, you can't expect an apostle to look out. G. C. Lichtenberg
A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company. Gian Vincenzo Gravina
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you. Bert Leston Taylor
A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
A bureaucrat is a politician with tenure.
A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
A child educated only at school is an uneducated child. George Santayana
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a Commie.
A circuit protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together Herbert Prochnow
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster - it is an opportunity.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A community is like a ship; everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm. - Henrik Ibsen, "An Enemy of the People", 1882
A company is judged by the president it keeps. James Hulbert
A company is known by the men it keeps.
A component selected at random from a group having 99% reliability, will be a member of the 1% group.
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. - Ludwig Erhard, in "The Observer", 1958
A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. Gigo
A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking. Arthur Bloch
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done. Fred Allen
A CONS is an object which cares. Bernie Greenberg.
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs. German Proverb
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- Ben Franklin
A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. - Aesop
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. H. L. Mencken
A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
A dead man cannot bite.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. Robert Frost
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. Ogden Nash
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you. Francoise Sagan
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
A feature is a documented bug.
A fool and his honey are soon parted.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
A free agent is anything but.
A genius is one who can do anything except make a living. Joey Adams
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet.
A good family is one that used to better. Cleveland Amory
A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it. Alfred Hitchcock
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. - Wilson Mizner
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A good memory is needed after one has lied. Pierre Corneille
A good reputation is more valuable than money.
A good workman is known by his tools. - Proverb
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw
A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. William James
A great part of courage is the courage of having done the thing before. R.W. Emerson
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never.
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
A harp is a nude piano.
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity
A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being searched. Will Rogers
A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
A house is not a home. Polly Adler. American madam.
A humgry man is not a free man. - Adlai Stevenson
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. Robert Frost
A king's castle is his home.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing.
A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. Dennis M. Ritchie
A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life.
A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work by being declared to work. Anatol Holt
A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. - Robert Frost
A liberal is a person whose inerests aren't at stake, at the moment. Willis Player
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist
A lie in time saves nine.
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the wrong time. Teyve
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. - Saki, "The Square Egg", 1924
A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation. - Donald Trump, in "Time", 16 January 1989
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks. Lew Col
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. - Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Grey", 1891
A man feared that he might find an assassin; Another that he might find a victim. One was more wise than the other. - Stephan Crane, "The Black Riders and Other Lines", 1895
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman as bad as she dares. Elbert Hubbard
A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." Stephen Crane
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
A man who is always ready to believe what is told him will never do well. - Gaius Petronius, "Satyricon"
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights. - Napoleon, "Maxims" 1804-1815
A man with 3 buttocks.
A man with one watch knows what time it is--with two watches he is never sure.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
A man's feet should be planted in his country, but his eyes should survey the world. - George Santayana
A man's got to know his limitations. - Clint Eastwood in "Magnum Force", 1973
A man, a plan, a canal. Suez!
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
A misguided platypus will lay its eggs in your shorts.
A moose once bit my sister.
A noble choice, but first ...
A nuclear power plant is infinitely safer than eating, because 300 people choke to death on food every year. - Dixy Lee Ray, 1977, quoted from "Loose Talk"
A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. - James Feibleman, "Understanding Philosophy", 1973
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. G.C. Lichtenberg
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald
A plucked goose does not lay golden eggs.
A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke. Max Eastman
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. H.L. Mencken
A President cannot always be popular. - Harry S. Truman, "Memoirs, Vol. II", 1955
A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A programming language is low-level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.
A programming language that does not affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing.
A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well.
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. M. de Cervantes
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. Joey Adams
A pun is the lowest form of humour - when you don't think of it first. Oscar Levant
A puritan is a person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things. G.K. Chesterton
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun
A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbor notice it. - Trygve Lie
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
A real person has two reasons for doing anything... a good reason and the real reason.
A Real Programmer goes to a disco to watch the light show.
A relationship is like a shark. It has to keep moving forward or it dies.
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. Antoine de Saint-Exupery
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people. Peter McArthur
A sex symbol becomes a thing. I hate being a thing. Marilyn Monroe
A ship is always referred to as "she" because it costs so much to keep one in paint and powder. - Chester Nimitz, Speech, 13 February 1940
A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea. Dutch proverb
A short saying contains much wisdom. Sophocles.
A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a clean desk.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic. - Joseph Stalin
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
A snake lurks in the grass.
A soft drink turneth away company.
A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. Mark Twain
A stitch in time saves nine.
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. Marty Allen
A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- S. C. Johnson
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
A synonym is the word you use when you can't spell the right one and therefore can't find it in the dictionary. Anon
A technique is a trick that works. - Gian-Carlo Rota
A theory is better than its explanation.
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
A thing not worth doing is worth not doing well.
A thing worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody else to do.
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. John Ciardi
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. Tenessee Williams
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. Samuel Goldwyn
A violent man will die a violent death.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
A well-known friend is a treasure.
A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.
A wise man first determines what is within his control; all else is then irrelevant. - Epictetus
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. Baltasar Gracian
A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire
A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far. Fannie Hurst
A Woman is like a teabag -- you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Nancy Reagan
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
A word to the wise is enough.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. - Ronald Reagan
About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. Herbert Hoover
Absence makes the heart go wander.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Absent, adj.: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
Absentee: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Abstain from beans.
Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Abstenence makes the heart grow fonder.
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember. Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Accuracy: The vice of being right
Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Acting is not being emotional, but being able to express emotion. Kate Reid
Actions speak louder than words. Proverb
Actor: So what do you do for a living? Doris: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
Actor:"I'm a smash hit. Why, yesterday during the last act, I had everyone glued in their seats!" Oliver Herford: "Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!"
Actually, I'm an overnight success. But it took twenty years. Monty Hall
ADA: Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in Computing. Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness."
Adding manpower to a late software project only makes it later.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Adolescence is that period of time between puberty and adultery.
Adore: To venerate expectantly. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Adult: One old enough to know better.
Advancement in position.
Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket. - George Orwell
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
Advice is least heeded when most needed. Proverb
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.
After all is said and done, sit down. Bill Copeland
After all there is but one race - humanity. George Moore
After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. P. J. O'Rourke
After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
After the first death, there is no other. Dylan Thomas
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.
Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
Ahah!
Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
Air is water with holes in it
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
Alas, I am dying beyond my means. Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
Aleph sub alpha is the alpha'th aleph.
Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone.
Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it. Peggy Joyce
All a man needs to be elected President is the kind of profile that looks good on a postage stamp. B.B. Franklin
All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others. George Orwell
All art is but imitation of nature.
All art is quite useless.
All diagnostics are fatal.
All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened. Ernest Hemingway
All great discoveries are made by accident.
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
All heiresses are beautiful. -- John Dryden
All hope abandon, ye who enter here.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
All in all, it's just another brick in the wall ...
All is flux, nothing stays still. - Heraclitus
All is well that ends well.
All laws are basically false.
All machines are amplifiers.
All mankind love a lover. Ralph Waldo Emerson
All men know the utility of useful things, but not know the utility of futility
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than the animals that know nothing. - Maurice Maeterlinck
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. Samuel Butler
All reformers, however strict their social conscience, live in houses just as big as they can pay for. - Logan Pearsall Smith
All science is either physics or stamp collecting. E. Rutherford (who later won a Nobel prize in Chemistry)
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All that trembles doesn't fall. -- Russian proverb
All the brave men are in prison. -- Russian proverb
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
All the wastes in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk. - Ronald Reagan, quoted in "Burlington Free Press", 15 February 1980
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. Sean O'Casey
All things are only transitory. Goethe
All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.
All trends towards Chaos.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow. E. Esar
Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
Although this sentence begins with the word "because", it is false. Douglas R Hofstadter
Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you. - Cyril Connolly, "Journal and Memoir" 1983
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. Irene Peter
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
Always cut the cards.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Always do what you are afraid to do. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Always tell a woman she's beautiful, especially if she isn't.
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
AMAZING BUT TRUE ... If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. OSCAR WILDE
America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization. - Georges Clemenceau, 1 December 1945
America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization. John O'Hara
America! the land of the Chrysler 440 cubic inch engine!
America's best buy for a dime is a telephone call to the right person.
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
Amid a multitude of projects, no plan is devised. Syrus
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
Among civilized nations reason has always been an occupational hazard. Anon
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. Alexander Pope
An adult is a deteriorated child. Anon.
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.
An artist should be fit for the best society and kept out of it.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. John Buchan
An atom blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
An author ought to write for the youth of his own generation, the critics of the next, and the schoolmaster of ever afterwards. F. Scott Fitzgerald
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. Laurence J. Peter
An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff. Adlai Stevenson
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. A. P. Herbert
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field. Niels Bohr. Danish physicist
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. - Nicholas Murray Butler
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
An honest God is the noblest work of man.
An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought. - Simon Cameron
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured. Konrad Adenauer
An intelligence test often shows how smart one would have been not to take it.
An optimist believes this to be the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this to be true.
An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed. Kin Hubbard
an optimist is a guy that has never had much experience - Donald R. Perry Marquis, "archy and mehitabel", 1927
An optimist is a guy who has never had much experience. Don Marquis
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. John Junor
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest. Proverb
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no government at all.
Anchovies? You've got the wrong man! I spell my name DANGER! (click)
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
And here's another clue for you all: The walrus was Paul.
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
And now for something completely different.
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country. - John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address, 20 January 1961
And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut.
And they're off!
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span? - Matthew 6:27
And you may ask yourself "Am I right? ... Am I wrong?" And you may say to yourself "MY GOD! ... WHAT HAVE I DONE?" - The Talking Heads
Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. Tom Leher
Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
Antelope freeway--1/4 mile.
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
Anticipated events never live up to expectations.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained. Arthur Somers Roche
Anxiety is fear of one's self. Wilhelm Stekel
Anxiety is interest paid on trouble before it is due. Dean Inge
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom. Soren Kierkegaard
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.- Charles McCabe
Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian. Lee Simonson
Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. - Samuel Butler, "Notebooks" 1912
Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
Any party which takes credit for the rain must not be surprised if its opponents blame it for the draught. - Dwight Morrow
Any shrine is better than self-worship.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - Arthur C. Clarke, "Profiles of the Future", 1962
Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Any woman is a volume if one knows how to read her.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. George Ade
Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.
Anybody who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. W.C. Fields
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. Robert Benchley
Anyone can hate. It costs to love. - John Williamson
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anyone want a burger? It has cheese on both sides!
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work. - Al Capp, in "Esquire", 1970
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house. Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation. - Edward R. Murrow
Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will. John Kenneth Galbraith
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.
Anything is possible, unless it's not.
Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't. The label means the price went up. The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW" means the price went way up.
Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Appearances often are deceiving.
Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation. So let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards for man-made sources. - Ronald Reagan, quoted in "Sierra", 10 September 1980
Aquadextrous, adj.: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
ARE WE HAVING A RELATIONSHIP -- Or just doing research on each other?
Are we not men?
Are you a Quiche Eater?
Are you a turtle?
Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very nice.
Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. Mickey Mouse
Armadillo: to provide weapons to a Spanish pickle.
Arnold's Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn't. (2) If it does exist, it's out of date. (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children. - Anita Bryant, 1977
As a student I learned from wonderful teachers and ever since then I've thought everyone is a teacher. - Bill Moyers, interviews on "Fresh Air", 1991
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. Albert Einstein
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. Weisert
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. - Dick Cavett, in "Playboy", 1971
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. Oscar Wilde
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
As we ascend the social ladder, viciousness wears a thicker mask. Erich Fromm
As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such things as a free variable."
As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
Ask a man which way he is going to vote, and he will probably tell you. Ask him, however, why, and vagueness is all. - Bernard Levin, in "Daily Mail", 1964
Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.
Ask your local computer dealer for more disk space area.
Ass: The masculine of "lass".
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. - George Bernard Shaw, "The Rejected Statement"
Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. - Pat Paulsen
At 50 everyone has the face he deserves. - George Orwell, "Journals", 1949
At a recent meeting in Snowmass, Colorado, a participant from Los Angeles fainted from hyperoxygenation, and we had to hold his head under the exhaust of a bus until he revived.
At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.-- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985
At the beginning there was the Word - at the end just the Cliche. Stanislaw J. Lec
At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason. Winston Churchill
Audacity, and again audacity, and always audacity. -- Georges Jacques Danton
Auribus teneo lupum. (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
Autocracy is based on the theorem that one man is smarter than many.
Automobile: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Avoid colloquial stuff.
Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
Avoid temporary variables.
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Avoid unnecessary branches.
Baby... -- The Late Elvis Presley.
Bacchus: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
Back of every achievement is a proud wife, and a surprised mother-in-law. Brooks Hays
Bad command or filename
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. G J Nathan
Badness comes in waves.
Bagdikian's Observation: Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a ukelele.
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
Barach's Rule: An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
BASIC is to computer programming as "qwerty" is to typing.
Basic: A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
Be alert, the world needs more lerts.
Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
Be braver. You cannot cross a chasm in two small jumps.
Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint. Mark Twain
Be careful what you set your heart upon - for it will surely be yours. - James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name" 1961
Be careful what you wish, it might come true.
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
Be careful! Is it classified?
Be careful, the last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease.
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
Be cheerful while you are alive.
Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything. Aesop
Be different: conform.
Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it.
Be friends with the wolf, but keep one hand on your ax. -- Russian proverb
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead. Scottish Proverb
Be happy with the real pleasures in life.
Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any.
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
Be prepared to go mad with fixed rule and method. -- Horace
Be security conscious - National defense is at stake.
Be seeing you.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Be sure to treat your assumptions as though they are reality.
Be valiant, but not too venturous. Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
Beam me up, Scotty!
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
Beauty is everlasting, And dust is for a time. Marianne Moore
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Beauty is truth, truth beauty. John Keats
Beauty seldom recommends one to another.
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Conduct of Life", 1860
Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, 'She doesn't have what it takes.' They will say, 'Women don't have what it takes.' - Clare Boothe Luce
Because of the greatness of the Shah, Iran is an island of stability in the Middle East. - Jimmy Carter, 31 December 1977
Because the wine remembers.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Been Transferred Lately?
Before a fight, two men are boasting; after the fight, only one. -- Russian proverb
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. - Albert Einstein, "Cosmic Religion"
Before you kill something make sure you have something better to replace it with; something better than political opportunist slamming hate horseshit in the public park. - Charles Bukowski, "Notes of a Dirty Old Man", 1969
Beggars should be no choosers.
Begin in the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop. -- Lewis Carroll
Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Behind your back, your colleagues are talking about Jeckyl and Hyde.
Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
Beifeld's Principle: The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer male friend.
Being natural is simply a pose.
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. - André Gide
Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
Belladonna: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
Better late than never.
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
Better the first quarrel than the last. -- Russian proverb
Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
Better to reign in hell than serve in heav'n. John Milton
Better to send ten ambulances when they are not needed than one when it is.
Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
Better turn back than lose your way. -- Russian proverb
Between two evils, always pick the one you never tried before.
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
Beware of Bigfoot!
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
Beware of geeks bearing graft.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
Beware the legless man who teaches running.
Beware the new TTY code!
Beware the thirty-first of November.
Big book, big bore.
Big Brother Is Watching You - George Orwell, "1984", 1948
Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same.
Biggest security gap - an open mouth.
Binary, adj.: Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
Birth, Copulation, and Death. That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks. T. S. Elliot
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
Biz is better.
Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic
Blackberries are red when they are green.
Blah.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inhibit the earth.
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
BLISS is ignorance
Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
Bluegrass is not just a weed.
Boling's postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Boren's Laws: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
Boss: According to the Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages the words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss, in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an ornamental stud."
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Boycott Clockwork Peach.
Boys will be boys and so will a lot of middle aged men. Kin Hubbard
Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Brady's First Law of Problem Solving: When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?"
Brain fried -- core dumped
Brain [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Brevity is the soul of wit. William Shakespeare
Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may revitalize the corner saloon.
Broad-mindedness: The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Brooke's Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Bubble Memory: A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also "vacuum tube".
Bucy's Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
Buffalo is not just the name of an animal.
Bug: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
Build a system even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
BULLWINKLE: "You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit." GENERAL: "What does that make YOU?" BULLWINKLE: "What else? An executive..." Jay Ward
Bumper sticker: "All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British manufacture"
Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.
Bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank: the big chunks rise to the top
Bus error -- Core dumped
Business will be either better or worse. --Calvin Coolidge
But Captain--the engines can't take this much longer!
But I don't like Spam!
But in modern war...you will die like a dog for no good reason. Ernest Hemingway
But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses. Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers"
But you shall not escape my iambics.
Buy low, sell high.
Buy old masters. They fetch a better price than old mistresses. Lord Beaverbrook
Buy! Amdahl Stock to go up 100 points next week.
By 1960 work will be limited to three hours a day. John Langdon-Davies. A Short History of the Future 1936
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me.
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart.
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
By the act of marriage you endorse all the ancient and dead values. You endorse things like monogamy. Lifelong monogamy is a maniacal idea. Germaine Greer
By the yard, life is hard. By the inch, it's a cinch.
By virtue we merely mean the avoidance of the vices that do not attract us. Robert Lynd
Bye Kids!
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
California: From Latin "calor", meaning "heat" (as in English "calorie" or Spanish "caliente"); and "fornia'" for "sexual intercourse" or "fornication." Hence: Tierra de California, "the land of hot sex." Ed Moran
Californians are not without their faults.
Call on God, but row away from the rocks. Indian proverb
Caminante, son tus huellas el camino, y nada más; caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar. - Antonio Machado, "Proverbios y cantares, VI"
CAN THIS REALLY BE MY LIFE? or has there been some mistake?
Can you read a punched card, looking at the holes?
Can you whistle 300 baud?
Can you whistle a telephone number?
Can't open /usr/lib/fortunes.
Canada Bill Jone's Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Supplement: A .44 magnum beats four aces.
Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage. Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83, Financial Post
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Cannot fork -- try again.
Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.
Care of the poor is incumbent on society as a whole. - Spinoza, 1677
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero! (Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!) - Horace
Carpe Diem.
Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun): The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Celebrate Hannibal Day today. Take an elephant to lunch.
Celibacy is hereditary.
Censorship, like charity, should begin at home, but unlike charity, it should end there. - Clare Boothe Luce
Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?
Center meeting at 4 pm in 2C-543.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -- Did you ever try buying then without money? Ogden Nash
Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a fish. Ovid
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit. Henry B. Adams
Character Density: the number of very weird people in the office.
Character is what God and the angels know of us; reputation is what men and women think of us. Horace Mann
Charity begins at home.
Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
Charm is a way of getting a "yes" without having asked any clear question.
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
Check again to make sure it's not loaded.
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Chess is about as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you could find anywhere outside an advertising agency. Raymond Chandler
Chicago: Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
Chicken Little was right.
Chicken Soup: An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin, cocaine, interferon, and TLC. The only ailment chicken soup can't cure is neurotic dependence on one's mother. Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
Children are natural mimic who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. Ogden Nash
Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Grey", 1891
Children have more need of models than of critics.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
Chism's Law of Completion: The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
Choose variable names that won't be confused.
Churchill's Commentary on Man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Cigarette: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater. - Roman Polanski
Cinemuck: The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters. Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.
Civility costs nothing, and buys everything. Mary Wortley Montagu
Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor. - Toynbee -
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world. Samuel Johnson
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Clothe an idea in words and it loses its freedom of movement. Egon Friedell
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain
Co-existence - what the farmer does with the turkey until Thanksgiving. Mike Connolly
Coastal access, next left.
Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am." Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Cogito, ergo sum: I think, therefore I am. Rene Descartes
Cogli l'attimo ogli l'attimo.
COKE IS IT!
Cold, adj.: When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Collaboration: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
College isn't the place to go for ideas. HELLEN KELLER
Command: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
Comment is free, but facts are sacred. - C. P. Scott, c.1900
Commit a crime, and the earth is made of glass. There is no such thing as concealment. R.W. Emerson
Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
Commitment: Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom. Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Common sense is not so common.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Albert Einstein
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
Complaint is the largest tribute heaven receives, and the sincerest part of our devotion.
Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light. - David Ferrier
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Con 'sta pioggia e con 'sto vento chi e' che büssa a 'sto convento?
Conceit causes more conversation than wit. LaRouchefoucauld
Concentrate on security.
Concept: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
Condense soup, not books!
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff. Peter de Vries
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confucious say: "I have no time for monks resisting the carnival"
Confusion is always increasing in society.
Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!
Congratulations! The pressure will stop soon.
Congratulations! You are the 16,777,216th user to login to our system.
Congratulations! You got the first fortune!
Congratulations! You have now used up another 250 hours of CPU time.
Conscience doth make cowards of us all. -- William Shakespeare
Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone might be looking. H.L. Mencken
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Conservative, n: a statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. - John Stuart Mill
Consider your reputation. Try changing your name and moving to a new town.
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
Continental Life. Why do you ask?
Convention is the ruler of all.
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Copying softdrinks is a crime!
Core dumped.
Corrupt: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
Corruption is not the No.1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
Could John Wayne have ever taken Normandy, Iwo Jima, Korea, the Gulf of Tonkin, and the entire Wild West on a diet of quiche and salad?
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. Dan Rather
Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. Harry Emerson Fosdick
Courage is grace under pressure. Ernest Hemingway
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. - Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson", 1894
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.-- Wernher von Braun
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
Create the impression that you have already reached your level of incompetence.
Create your own opportunity. Blackmail a senior executive.
Credulity is the man's weakness, but the child's strength. Charles Lamb
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. A. E. Newman
Critic: A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. - Brendan Behan
Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?
Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply... For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much. - Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority. Robert Altman
Cure the disease and kill the patient.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back.
Cwm fjord-bank glyphs vext quiz.
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Ambrose Bierce
Cynicism -- the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence. Russell Lynes
DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
Darth Vadar! Only you would be so bold.
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
De-accession euphemisms.
Dealing with failure is easy: Work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: You've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.
Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory rats.
Death is all in the mind. Once you're dead you forget all about it. Jack Storey
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?' - Anonymous
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. R. Geis
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
Death: To stop sinning suddenly.
Decisions terminate panic.
Debug is human, de-fix divine. Descartes
Defining and analyzing humour is a pastime of humorless people. Robert Benchley
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. Senator Soaper
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. G.B. Shaw
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. - Laurence Peter, "Peter's Quotations", 1977
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. H. L. Mencken
Democracy is based on the theorem that many men are smarter than one.
Democracy is finding proximate solutions to insoluble problems. - Reinhold Niebuhr
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. E. B. White
Dentist: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Department meeting in 3 minutes.
Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.
Designed with your mind in mind by people who have in mind what you should have in mind.
Details 20 minutes from now on Action Central News, kids.
DeVries' Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.
Diagnostics can best be understood in the context of the source code.
Did you know ... That no-one ever reads these things?
Die: To stop sinning suddenly. Elbert Hubbard
Difference of religion breeds more quarrels than difference of politics. - Wendell Phillips, Speech, 7 November 1860
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Dignity is like a top hat. Neither is very much use when you are standing on it. Chistopher Hollis
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
Diplomacy ... the art of restraining power. Henry Kissinger
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it.... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week. - Will Rogers
Direct action produces direct reaction.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought. - Albert Szent-Gyorgi
Discretion is the better part of valor. -- William Shakespeare
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.
Disguise your feelings when you put your relatives on the plane for home.
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
Disk crunch -- please clean up.
Distance lends enhancement to the view. Thomas Campbell
Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.) - Walt Whitman, "Leaves of Grass", 1855
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Do not be overly suspicious where it is not warranted.
Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. George Bernard Shaw
Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.
Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Do not learn the tricks of the trade--learn the trade.
Do not lend money to a fiend.
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal. Dwight D. Eisenhower
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a))
Do not show your wounded finger, for everything will knock up against it. Baltasar Gracian
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Do not speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Do not step over main()!
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Do not tell big lies. Small ones can be just as effective.
Do not trace into longjmp()!
Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each day as it comes. Donald Kaul
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Do not use optimizing compilers!
Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Theodore Roosevelt
Do you always believe what a computer tells you?
Do you have a job?
Do you have lysdexia?
Do you know Montana?
Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means?
Do you not know, my son, with what little understanding the world is ruled? - Pope Julius III
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Do you really want to know what I think of you?
Do you remember the time when memory was memory? It didn't go away when the power went off.
Doc, note, I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. Dick Brandon
Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Does your computer talk to you?
Dogs do not dislike poor families.
Doing easily what others find difficult is talent; doing what is impossible for talent is genius. - Henri-Frédéric Amiel, "Journal", 1883
Doing gets it done.
dollars, and come alone. I'm serious!
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. David Lloyd George
Don't be humble, you're not that great. Golda Meir
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't blame me! I was dancing Friday night!
Don't comment bad code -- rewrite it.
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
Don't crush that dwarf; hand me the pliers.
Don't despair -- your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
Don't diddle code to make it faster -- find a better algorithm.
Don't drive your horse with a whip -- use the oat bag. -- Russian proverb
Don't eat yellow snow.
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
Don't everyone thank me at once.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
Don't gamble with security.
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
Don't give up, I'm proud of who you are.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't guess - check your security regulations.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't I know you?
Don't insult the alligator until after you have crossed the river.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Don't knock masturbation - its sex with someone I love. Woody Allen
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. BO DIDDLEY
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
Don't order a drink for the road, because the road is already laid out. Flip Wilson
Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. H.L. Mencken
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
Don't panic!
Don't panic! "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Don't patch bad code -- rewrite it.
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today. Josh Billings
Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
Don't read everything you believe.
Don't shoot the pianist.
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Don't stop at one bug.
Don't sweat it, it's only ones and zeros.
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.
Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. - Laurence Coughlin
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't tell me what you dreamt last night for I've been reading Freud.
Don't use contractions in formal writing.
Don't use no double negatives.
Don't vote--it only encourages them!
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schultz
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job.
Down with categorical imperative!
Down with ignurance!
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. - Alfred Hitchcock, in "The Observer", 1960
Draw from your fine command of language and say nothing.
Draw your salary before spending it.
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. - William Dement, in "Newsweek", 1959
Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Drop that pickle!
Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Duck who fly upside down have quack up.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ... Carl Zwanzig
Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders has been discontinued.
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.
Due to lack of interest, today has been cancelled.
Due to popular demand, you have been awarded the day off.
Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori. (It is sweet and honorable to die for one's country.) - Horace
During the next two hours, the network will be going up and down several times, often with lin~po_~{po~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_~{o[po~y oodsou>No.w4k**n~po_~{ol;lkld;f;g;dd;po\~{o
Duty is what one expects from others.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. W. Somerset Maughm
Dying is a wild night and a new road. Emily Dickinsom
Each of us bears his own Hell.
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Economy makes men independent.
Economy: Cutting down other people's wages. J.B. Morton
Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. Laurence J Peter
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. - Will Durant, in "National Enquirer", 1980
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. William Butler Yeats
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
Education with inert ideas is not only useless; it is above all things harmful. Alfred North Whitehead
Egotism is the drug that soothes the pain of stupidity.
Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Ehrman's Commentary: 1. Things will get worse before they get better. 2. Who said things would get better?
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees. Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
Eisenhower was very nice, Nixon was his only vice. C. Degen
Ekkie ekkie phatang zooboing!
El amor es un camino que de repente aparece y de tanto caminarlo se te pierde. - Victor Jara, "El Amor es un Camino"
El infierno es el lugar donde no se ama. (Hell is the place where love is not found.) - Santa Teresa
Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
Elevators smell different to midgets
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
Eloquence is logic on fire.
Emersons' Law of Contrariness: Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
Encyclopedia Salesmen: Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled. Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
Enjoy the more creative uses for #define.
Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
Enough research will tend to support your theory Murphy's Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Enter your personal identification number.
Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. Jerome Lettvin
Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity. - Albert Einstein
Errare umanum est.
Eschew dialect, irregardless.
Eschew obfuscation.
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it.
Eureka!
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? Clarence Darrow
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
Even rats learn from experience. George Skarbek
Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only 2 cents a day.
Eventually, I hope I'll learn to face death - if I live long enough.
Ever help the person behind the counter with their terminal/computer?
Ever shoot an elephant in your pajamas?
Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
Every calling is great when greatly pursued. Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
Every generation laughs at old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
Every man has a right to be wrong in his opinions. But no man has a right to be wrong in his facts. Bernard Baruch
Every man has his price. Every price has its man.
Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse. -- Miguel de Cervantes
Every man is as Heaven made him, and sometimes a great deal worse.
Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world. - Arthur Schopenhauer, "Studies in Pessimism"
Every man who possesses power is impelled to abuse it. Baron de La Brede et de Montesquieu
Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another. - Ernest Hemingway, quoted in "Sunday Times", 1966
Every nation has the government it deserves.
Every nation sincerely desires peace; and all nations pursue courses which if persisted in, must make peace impossible. Sir Norman Angell
Every person who has mastered a profession is a skeptic concerning it. George Bernard Shaw
Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was built, and another for which it wasn't.
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
Every program is a part of some other program and rarely fits.
Every purchase has its price.
Every reign must submit to a greater reign. - Seneca, "Thyestes"
Every revolutionary ends up either by becoming an oppressor or a heretic. - Albert Camus, "The Rebel", 1951
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every society honours its live conformists and its dead troublemakers. Mignon Mclaughlin
Every solution breeds new problems.
Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
Every why hath a wherefore.
Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. Beckett
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. - Will Rogers
Everybody is interesting for an hour, but few people can last more than two. - V. S. Naipul, interview in "Time", 10 July 1989
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Dykstra
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be taught how not to. So it is with the great programmers.
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others. - Winston Churchill, Speech, January 1952
Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
Everyone must row with the oars he has. English proverb
Everyone needs to believe in something; I believe I'll have another beer.
Everyone ought to have a maid.
Everyone stopping by with unsought advice will see your mistake.
Everyone talks about apathy, but no one does anything about it.
Everything beautiful has its moment and then passes away. - Luis Cernuda, "Las Ruinas"
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Everything comes to him who waits, among other things, death. Francis Bradley
Everything goes wrong at once.
Everything in the world may be endured except continual prosperity. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else. - Will Rogers, "The Illiterate Digest", 1924
Everything put together, falls apart, sooner or later.
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Everything should be transparent to the user.
Everything takes longer than you think it will.
Everything that can be invented has been invented. Director of the US Patent Office 1899
Everything you know is wrong!
Everything's coming up roses.
Examine what is said, not who speaks. Arabian Proverb
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. W. Somerset Maugham
Excreto ergo sum.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
Exigencies create the necessary ability to meet and conquer them. Wendell Phillips
Expansion means complexity, and complexity decays.
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope. Arnold Glasow
Experience - a comb life gives you after you loose your hair. Judith Stern
Experience enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again. F P Jones
Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other. - Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac
Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills. Minna Antrim
Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. - Aldous Huxley, in "Reader's Digest", 1956
Experience is somthing you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
Express an opinion, but send advice by freight.
External Security:
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
Extreme good-naturedness borders on weakness of character. Avoid it.
f u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
Facts are stupid things. - Ronald Reagan, 1988 Republican Convention
Failure teaches success.
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
Faith is much better than belief. Belief is when someone ELSE does the thinking. R. Buckminster Fuller
Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
Fakir, n: A psychologist whose charismatic data have inspired almost religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources seem to have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Famous last words: 1) "Don't worry, I can handle it." 2) "You and what army?" 3) "If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop."
Fancy gizmos don't work.
Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels. - Goya -
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. Oscar Wilde
Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
Fasten your seat belt.
Fatal crash due to icebug. Last message received by M.S. TITANIC
Fatal error: memory is fading away.
Fear has big eyes. -- Russian proverb
Feel disillusioned? I've got some great new illusions ...
Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them. Robert G. Ingersoll
Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling thatthere is nothing important to do.
Figures won't lie, but liars will figure. Charles H. Grosvenor
Finagle's Creed: Science is true. Don't be misled by facts.
Finagle's Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
FINAGLE'S LAW: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Finagle's Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
Finagle's Second Law: No matter what the anticipated result, there will always besomeone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it happened according to his own pet theory.
Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to tightness of schedule.
First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
First Law of Procrastination: Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed the deadline).
First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.
First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down. Leo Rosenberg
Fitzgerald: The rich are different from us. Hemingway: Yes, they have more money. F.Scott Fitzgerald
Flappity, floppity, flip, The mouse on the mobius strip; The strip revolved, The mouse dissolved In a chronodimensional skip.
Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it.
Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me!
Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Geniuses remove it.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. -- Alexander Pope
Fools shoot, but God directs the bullets. -- Russian proverb
For a good time, call (408) 555-1212.
For a man to achieve all that is demanded of him he must regard himself as greater than he is. Johann von Goethe
For a man to pretend to understand women is bad manners; for him really to understand them is bad morals. Henry James
For adult education nothing beats children.
For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
For best results, squeeze from the bottom of the tube.
For courage mounteth with occasion.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. H. L. Mencken
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. R. Clopton
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
For most men life is a search for the proper manilla envelope in which to get themselves filed. Clifton Fadiman
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male. Rudyard Kipling
For thee the wonder working earth puts forth sweet flowers.
For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. Max Beerbohm
For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction. - Lord Byron, "Don Juan", 1818
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
Force has no place where there is need of skill.
Foreign Aid - taxing poor people in rich countries for the benefit of rich people in poor countries. Bernard Rosenberg
Forgetfulness: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
Forgive and forget. -- Cervantes
Formating ...
Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit. (And perhaps at some later date it will be pleasant to remember these things.) - Vergil
Fort Wayne is not the headquarters of F troop.
fortune: cannot open /lib/games/fortunes
fortune: not found
fortunes.txt: Permission denied.
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age. Victor Hugo
Fourth Law of Revision: It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
Frankly, my dear Charlotte, I don't give a damn.
Free the Indianapolis 500.
Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.
Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. A.J. Liebling
Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
Friends: People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. Samuel Butler
Frisbee players are ultimate lovers.
Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up the on roof and gets stuck.
From a fallen tree, all make kindling. Spanish proverb
From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs. Karl Marx
Frouds Law: A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Fudd's First Law: "If you push something hard enough, it will fall over."
Function reject.
Furbling: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs.
Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union. - Joseph Stalin, 1935
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. Wilson Mizner
Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art.
Garter: An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!! Adventures of Asterix.
Genderplex: The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises). Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
General notions are generally wrong.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration. Thomas A. Edison
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. Elbert Hubbard
Genius not only diagnoses the situation but supplies the answers. Robert Graves
Genius: A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright".
Get out the Crisco.
Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. Zsa Zsa Gabor
Girl, bathing on Bikini, eyeing boy, finds boy eyeing bikini on bathing girl.
Give big space to the festive dog that shall sport in the roadway.
Give him a fish, he eats today teach him to fish, he eats for the rest of his life.
Give him an evasive answer.
Give me a fish and I will eat today. Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
Give me all your lupins!
Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.
Give up.
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability: Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on gettingsome useful work done.
Go 'way! You're bothering me!
Go away.
Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. National Lampoon, "Deteriorada"
Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!!!
God did not create the world in 7 days; he screwed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
God does not play dice with the universe.
God forgives us. ... Who am I not to forgive? - Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
God gave us two ears and one tongue so that we may listen twice as much as we speak.
God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them. German proverb
God gives us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.
God has been replaced, as he has all over the West, with respectability and air conditioning. - Imamu Amiri Baraka, "Home", 1966
God helps them that help themselves. -- Benjamin Franklin
God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh
GOD IS DEAD - Nietzsche NIETZSCHE IS DEAD - God
God is dead, but fifty thousand social workers have risen to take his place. Dr J D McCoughey
God is not dead. He is alive and working on a much less ambitious project. Graffiti
God is not dead. He is alive and working working on a less ambitious project. - Anonymous, 1975
God is not dead; He is only swapped out.
God is real, unless declared integer.
God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things. Pablo Picasso
God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. Mark Twain
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. Kronecker
God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean. Albert Einstein
God may give you seeds but he won't plant them for you.
God must love the common man: He made so many of them.
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday,and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday,Thursday, and Saturday. - William Bragg -
Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. La Rouchefoucauld
Good art is not what it looks like, but what it does to us. - Roy Adzak, quoted in "Contemporary Artists", 1977
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the universal amphitheater.
Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.
Good intentions are far more difficult to cope with than malicious behavior.
Good intentions randomize behavior.
Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
Good morning, HAL.
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.
Good politics are often inextricably intertwined. - Morris Udall, "Too Funny to Be President", 1988
Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored. George Saunders' dying words
Goto: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured programmers. Ray Simard
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Reagan, "Saturday Evening Post" 1965
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity. William Hazlitt
Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
Grandpa Charnock's Law: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks. - Herodotus
Great is Holy Russia, but the sun shines elsewhere, too. -- Old Russian proverb
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13
Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. - Mark Twain, "Following the Equator", 1897
Growing and decaying vegetation in this land are responsible for 93 percent of the oxides of nitrogen. - Ronald Reagan
Grub first, then ethics. - Bertolt Brecht
H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- teach. Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
Habit is the nursery of errors. Victor Hugo
Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers, "The Autobiography of Will Rogers", 1949
Half the work that is done in the world is to make things appear what they are not. E. R. Beadle
Hand: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns... He should be drawn and quoted!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. Ogden Nash
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. Oscar Levant
Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Happy campers you have been, happy campers you are, and happy campers you will always be. - J. Danforth Quayle, on arrival in American Samoa, quoted in "Time", 8 May 1989
Happy feast of the pig.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Harp not on that string.
Harris's Lament: All the good ones are taken.
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
Hartley's Second Law: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Harvard Law: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
Haste makes waste.
Hatred: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
Have no friends not equal to yourself.
Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for play?
Have you ever received a Fax or a photocopy of a floppy?
Have you ever shown a novice the "any" key? ... Was it the power switch?
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?... Did it answer?
Have you locked your file cabinet?
Have you seen Quasimodo? I had a hunch he was back.
Having a daughter is like riding a young horse over an unknown steeplechase course. You don't know when to pull up the reins, when to let the horse have the head ... or what. Princess Grace of Monaco
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate. Margaret Mead. American anthropologist
He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.
He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving "normally." Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"
He hadn't a single redeeming vice. Oscar Wilde
He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help. Abraham Lincoln
He has half the deed done who has made a beginning. Horace
He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words.
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He is now rising from affluence to poverty. Mark Twain
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He knows not his own strength that hath not met adversity. Ben Jonson
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. John Mason Brown, drama critic
He talked with more claret than clarity. Susan Ertz
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
He that leaveth nothing to Chance will do few things ill, but he will do very few things. George, Lord Halifax
He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
He that would the daughter win, Must with the mother first begin. English Proverb
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
He travels the fastest who travels alone. Rudyard Kipling
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. - Chinese proverb
He who awaits much can expect little. - Gabriel García Márquez, "El Coronel no Tiene quien le Escriba"
He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. - George Bernard Shaw, "Man and Superman", 1903
He who cooks carrots and peas in same pot unsanitary.
He who desires, but acts not, breeds pestilence. William Blake
He who enters contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors.
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish $ast.
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. F. Nietzsche
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
He who hates vices hates mankind.
He who hesitates is lost.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along rowboat when going on cruise.
He who is conceived in a cage yearns for the cage. - Yevgeny Yevtushenko, 1968
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. - John Stuart Mill
He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
He who Laughs, Lasts.
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
He who looks like his passport photo is not well enough to travel.
He who reads many fortunes gets confused.
He who slings mud loses ground.
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. M C ESCHER
He who would leap high must take a long run. Proverb
He's a wild man. Get out of here.
He's dead, Jim.
He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. Milton Friedman
Hell is empty and all the devils are here. [The Tempest]
Hell's broken loose.
Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. Johnson's Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.
Hello world!
Hello! I'm Bounder of Adventure!
Help! I'm trapped inside an Amdahl 470!
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. PETER DRUCKER
Here's looking at you, kid.
Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought. - Graham Greene, 1981
Hi, kids! Ed Barbera here!
Hindsight is always 20:20. - Billy Wilder
Hindsight is an exact science.
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
Histories are fuller of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
History is bunk.
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. - Napoleon, "Maxims" 1804-1815
History records no more gallant struggle than that of humanity against the truth.
History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. - Abba Eban, 1970
Hitch your wagon to a star. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Conduct of Life", 1860
Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.
Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. F. M. Hubbard
Honesty's the best policy.
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
Honk if you love obscene gestures.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
Hope is a waking dream.
Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
Houdini escaping from New Jersey!
How about a little fire, scarecrow?
How apt the poor are to be proud.
HOW CAN I FAIL WHEN I HAVE NO PURPOSE?
How can I prove that I'm not crazy to people who are?
How can they say my life isn't a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten? Cindy Adams
How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?
How can you work when the system's so crowded?
How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
How come we never talk anymore?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? Elliot, "E.T."
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
How high I am / How much I see / How far I reach / Depends on me
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The Universe spines the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey
How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere else. R. Buckminster Fuller
How pleasant it is to have money. Arthur Hugh Clough
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
How untasteful can you get?
How was Thomas J. Watson buried? 9 edge down.
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea. Tom K. Ryan
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
Humankind cannot bear very much reality. T.S. Eliot
Humility is the first of the virtues -- for other people. -- Oliver W. Holmes
Humour is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it. Langston Hughes
Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ..............
Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended. Zsa Zsa Gabor
Hyphenate between syllables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
I ALWAYS KNOW THE RIGHT THING TO SAY, after the right time to say it has passed.
I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator.
I am a man--nothing human is alien to me.
I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. Zsa Zsa Gabor
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. W.C. Fields
I am ignorant and impotent and yet, somehow or other, here I am unhappy, no doubt, profoundly dissatisfied... In spite of everything I survive. Aldous Huxley
I am looking for an honest man.
I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
I am not a crook.
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world. - Socrates
I am not arguing with you -- I am telling you.
I am not sincere, not even when I say I am not. Jules Renard
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Winston Churchill
I am responsible only to God and history. - Francisco Franco
I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -- G. K. Chesterton
I believe that in the end the truth will conquer. - John Wycliffe
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
I can relate to that.
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.
I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. Lillian Hellman
I could prove God statistically. - George Gallup
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no socks.
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
I do desire we may be better strangers.
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out in a war fought with the atomic bomb. Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed. - Albert Einstein
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. Isaac Asimov
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. Galileo Galilei
I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. - Chuang Tzu
I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. James R. F. Quirk
I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it. - W. C. Fields -
I don't get no respect.
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. Clarence Darrow
I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it. Marilyn Monroe
I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. Plutarch
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. Woody Allen
I don't understand you anymore.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen
I dote on his very absence.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary. - Ronald Reagan, 20 October 1965
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. - William H. Mauldin, "Up Front" 1944
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. Franklin P. Adams
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it. Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
I give you bitter pills in sugar coating. The pills are harmless: the poison is in the sugar. Stanislaw Lec
I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
I hate quotations. Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour. Edward Albee
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. A. R. Longworth
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts. John Locke
I have been staying in Moscow for only 24 hours, but already I feel almost at home. - Hashemi Rafsanjani, in "New York Times", 22 June 1989
I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
I have just signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever; we begin bombing in 5 minutes. - Ronald Reagan, weekly radio address, 11 August 1984
I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers. - Kahlil Gibran
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have no time for monks resisting the carnival.
I have nothing to hide. - Richard Nixon
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I have one great fear in my heart, that one day when they [the whites of South Africa] have turned to loving, they will find we [the blacks] are turned to hating. - Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. Oscar Wilde
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. Confucius
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
I kew a girl, she was a macho man.
I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance. - Socrates
I know on which side my bread is buttered.
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. George Bernard Shaw
I like a man who grins when he fights. - Winston Churchill
I like BASIC!
I like being single. I'm always there when I need me. Art Leo
I like it better in the dark.
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchil
I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Essays", 1841
I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big. - Donald Trump, in "Time", 16 January 1989
I like work... I can sit and watch it for hours.
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
I like your game but we have to change the rules.
I love treason but hate a traitor.
I love Vermont because of her hills and valleys, her scenery and invigorating climate, but most of all because of her indomitable people. - Calvin Coolidge, Speech, 21 September 1928
I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. Roy Croft
I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. - Benjamin Disraeli
I never did it that way before.
I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.
I never loved another person the way I loved myself. - Mae West
I never met a man I didn't like. - Will Rogers, speech, June 1930
I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. - Albert Einstein
I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. George Benard Shaw
I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time. - Orson Welles, 1966
I prefer old age to the alternative. Maurice Chevalier
I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. William F. Buckley
I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education. - Wilson Mizner
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's ...
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
I see gr-reat changes takin' place ivry day, but no change at all ivry fifty years. Finley Peter Dunne
I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse. Charles V
I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death. - Anne Frank
I stood upon a high place, and saw, below, many devils, running, leaping, and carousing in sin. One looked up, grinning, and said, "Comrade! Brother!" - Stephan Crane, "The Black Riders and Other Lines", 1895
I suggest a new strategy, R2. Let the Wookiee win.
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Tom Stoppard
I think I am better than the people who are trying to reform me. E.W. Howe
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. OSCAR WILDE
I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. Ogden Nash
I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere. - James Thurber
I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
I think we're in trouble.
I think when a person has been found guilty of rape he should be castrated. That would stop him pretty quick. - Billy Graham, 1974
I think [a black] ... could scarcely be found capable of tracing and comprehending the investigations of Euclid. - Thomas Jefferson, "Notes on Virginia", 1787
I think, therefore I am paid.
I think, therefore I am. I think.
I try all things; I achieve what I can. Herman Melville
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. GRAFFITI
I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
I used to worry about what life was for - now being alive seems sufficient reason. Joanna Field
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain
I was in the darkness; I could not see my words Nor the wishes of my heart. Then suddenly there was a great light--- "Let me into the darkness again." - Stephan Crane, "The Black Riders and Other Lines", 1895
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. - J. Danforth Quayle, quoted in "Time", 8 May 1989
I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.
I will make you shorter by the head.
I will never lie to you.
I will not forget you.
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work. Gallagher
I wish they all could be California girls.
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
I would have made a good pope. - Richard Nixon
I would have voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964. - Ronald Reagan, 1968
I would rather suffer defeat than have cause to be ashamed of victory. Quintus Curtius
I would sooner be notorious than unknown.
I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson
I wouldn't shoot him if I were you. It will just make him mad.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
I'd love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.
I'd love to, but I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'd love to, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I'd love to, but I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
I'd love to, but I feel a song coming on.
I'd love to, but I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
I'd love to, but I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
I'd love to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
I'd love to, but I have to bleach my hare.
I'd love to, but I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
I'd love to, but I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
I'd love to, but I have to floss my cat.
I'd love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap.
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
I'd love to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering.
I'd love to, but I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
I'd love to, but I have to jog my memory.
I'd love to, but I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.
I'd love to, but I have to sit up with a sick ant.
I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
I'd love to, but I have to study for a blood test.
I'd love to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
I'd love to, but I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
I'd love to, but I have too much guilt.
I'd love to, but I left my body in my other clothes.
I'd love to, but I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
I'd love to, but I never go out on days that end in "Y".
I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
I'd love to, but I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.
I'd love to, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
I'd love to, but I'll be looking for a parking space.
I'd love to, but I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
I'd love to, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'd love to, but I'm being deported.
I'd love to, but I'm building a pig from a kit.
I'd love to, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
I'd love to, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
I'd love to, but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
I'd love to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
I'd love to, but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
I'd love to, but I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
I'd love to, but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
I'd love to, but I'm going to be old someday.
I'd love to, but I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
I'd love to, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
I'd love to, but I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
I'd love to, but I'm in training to be a household pest.
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to, but I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
I'd love to, but I'm sandblasting my oven.
I'd love to, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
I'd love to, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I'd love to, but I'm too young for that stuff.
I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut down.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
I'd love to, but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I'd love to, but I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
I'd love to, but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
I'd love to, but I'm worried about my vertical hold.
I'd love to, but I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
I'd love to, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I'd love to, but I've been traded to Cincinnati.
I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I'd love to, but I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
I'd love to, but It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'd love to, but It's my parakeet's bowling night.
I'd love to, but it's too close to the turn of the century.
I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting.
I'd love to, but my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together.
I'd love to, but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd love to, but my Millard Fillmore Fan Club meets then.
I'd love to, but my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
I'd love to, but my palm reader advised against it.
I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
I'd love to, but my plot to take over the world is thickening.
I'd love to, but my subconscious says no.
I'd love to, but my uncle escaped again.
I'd love to, but my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
I'd love to, but none of my socks match.
I'd love to, but people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
I'd love to, but the grunion are running.
I'd love to, but the last time I went, I never came back.
I'd love to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
I'd love to, but the President said he might drop in.
I'd love to, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.
I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.
I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
I'll burn my books.
I'll never get off this planet.
I'll tell ya, life aint easy for a boy named Sue!
I'll turn over a new leaf.
I'll worry about it tomorrow. S. O'Hara
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.
I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back. Abraham Lincoln
I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. George McGovern
I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
I'm in love with Susy...
I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here? Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
I'm looking for freedom - can you direct me?
I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!
I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator".
I'm not getting paid much for staying alive but it's good experience.
I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am.
I'm not sure how to fly this thing, but I'll give it that old college try!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
I'm sorry, sir, that line is busy till Monday. Would you hold please?
I've been there.
I've come for an argument!
I've done so much with so little for so long that I can do anything with nothing.
I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
I've got a devil in me.
I've got a very bad feeling about this.
I've learned to accept birth and death... but sometimes I still worry about what lies between.
I've never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
I've only got twelve cards.
IBM Personal Computer DOS-Version 1.02
Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality the cost becomes prohibitive. William Buckley.
Identify your visitor.
Idiot Box: The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves. Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Idiot: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Idleness is leisure gone to seed.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. - John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address, 20 January 1961
If a group of N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be N-1 passes: Someone in the group has to be the manager.
If a lie is repeated often enough all the dumb jackasses in the world not only get to believe it, they even swear by it. B.B. Franklin
If a listener nods his head when you are explaining your program, wake him up.
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. - Henry David Thoreau, "Walden", 1854
If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it. - Herodotus
If a program manipulates large amounts of data, it does so in a small number of ways.
If a string has one end, it has another.
If a tool is put away when you're sure it won't be needed again, it will. Soon.
If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. - George Bernard Shaw
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. John Kenneth Galbraith
If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world. - Blaise Pascal, 1656
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. Paul Beatty
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If at first you don't succeed you're running about average. M.H. Alderson
If at first you don't succeed, get new batteries.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
If Columbus had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock. Justice Arthur Goldberg
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
If everybody's behavior can be explained by simple stupidity and greed, there's no point in assuming a conspiracy. - P. J. Plauger
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If Gary Hart had seen Fatal Attraction two years ago, he'd probably be President. - Bruce Babbitt, 1988 Presidential Campaign
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. - Voltaire, "Épîtres, XCVI"
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
If God had meant there to be more than 2 factors of production, He would have made it easier for us to draw three-dimensional diagrams. - Robert Solow
If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it.
If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
If God, as some now say, is dead, He no doubt died of trying to find an equitable solution to the Arab-Jewish problem. - I. F. Stone, 1967
If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.
If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home. -- Eugene P. Gallagher
If I had any humility I would be perfect. Ted Turner
If I have been able to see farther than others, it was because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Sir Isaac Newton
If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
If I have seen far, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. - Sir Isaac Newton
If I knew what I was so anxious about, I wouldn't be so anxious. Mignon McLaughlin
If I must go into eternity, I'd prefer to go by the scenic route.
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it.
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If it says "one size fits all," it dosen't fit anyone.
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. Dennis Roch
If it wasn't so cool out today, it would be warmer.
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable. George Ade
If it works, don't fix it.
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
If its good, they'll stop making it. Herbert Block
If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it. Thomas Carlyle
If John F Kennedy was reading this sentence, Lee Harvey Oswald would have missed.
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better. KARL MARX'S MOTHER
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
If life must not be taken too seriously-- then so neither must death. Samuel Butler
If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house. Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. - Florynce Kennedy, 1976
If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
If more than one person is responsible for a bug, no one is at fault.
If no one uses it, there's a reason.
If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged.
If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM. - Lyndon B. Johnson
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable.
If only our great thinkers could learn to talk, and our great talkers could learn to think!
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs. - William Feather
If Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country. Mel Brooks
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. Pope John Paul I
If somthing is confidential, it will be left in the copier
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. STANLEY GARN
If the auto industry had done what the computer industry has done in the past 30 years, a Rolls Royce would cost $2.50 and would get 2,000,000 miles per gallon.
If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. -- Norm Schryer
If the facts do not conform to your theory, they must be disposed of.
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard - let him worry about cutting it. Fred Allen
If the nation's economists were laid end to end, they would point in all directions. Arthur H. Motley
If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
If the opposite of "pro" is "con", then what's the opposite of "progress"?
If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads. -- Anatole France
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
If there is anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public. Kin Hubbard
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? Art Hoppe
If there is no wind, row.
If they throw lemons, Make lemonade.
If things appear to be going well, you have overlooked something.
If this is time-sharing, give me my share right now. It's not time yet.
If this were subjunctive, I'm in the wrong mood.
If time heals all wounds, why does the belly button stay the same?
If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking. Lyndon Baines Johnson
If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires. Abigail Van Buren
If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
If we don't know life, how can we know death? Confucius
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - J. Danforth Quayle
If we knew where we were going to fall, we could have spread a carpet there. -- Russian proverb
If writers were bakers, this sentence would be exactly a dozen words long. Douglas R Hofstadter
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. Quit work and play!
If you are a rooster, crow; if you are a hen, shut up and lay eggs. -- Russian proverb
If you are tired of a friend, lend him money. -- Russian proverb
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
If you can actually count your money then you are not really a rich man. Paul Getty
If you can count your money you don't have a billion dollars. - J. Paul Getty
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, obviously you have no conception of the magnitude of the problem.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, obviously you must be the headsman.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you must be at least a foot shorter than them.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you'll be the tallest person in the room.
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
If you can't convince them, confuse them. - Harry S. Truman
If you can't do it in Fortran, do it in assember. If you can't do it in assembler, it isn't worth doing.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. - Harry S. Truman
If you can't tie good knots... tie many.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. Harry S Truman
If you continually give you will continually have.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you do not change your direction, you may end where you are headed.
If you do not raise your eyes you will think you are the highest point. - Antonio Porchia, "Voces", 1968
If you do not wish a thing heard, do not say it. Klingon
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
If you get angry at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or famous or both.
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. Graham Summer
If you look just close enough, you can see anything you want.
If you make a mistake, you right it immediately to the best of your ability.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.-- Maslow
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. James Goldsmith
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. Mark Twain
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.
If you steal something small you are a petty thief, but if you steal millions you are a gentleman of society. Greek Proverb
If you suffer, thank God! - it is a sure sign that you are alive. Elbert Hubbard
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. Derek Bok, president of Harvard
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Earl Wilson
If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? Richard Nixon
If you think this fortune is confusing, then change one pig.
If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you see what happens today.
If you tickle yourself, you can laugh when you please. -- Russian proverb
If you treat people right they will treat you right; 90 per cent of the time.
If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
If you understand everything, you must be misinformed. Japanese Proverb
If you want a fortune, go to a Chinese restaurant.
If you want a thing well done, do it yourself. Charles Haddon Spurgeon
If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
If you wants to get elected president, you've got to think up some memorable homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means. Walt Kelly
If you wish to be a success in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing. Napoleon
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
If you worry about your customers, you won't have to worry about money. - Les Welch, in "Bicycle USA", March/April 1990
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman
If you're happy, you're successful.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. Benjamin Disraeli
If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. - Motto of the Green Berets
If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. Ronald Reagan
If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.
If your bread is stale, make toast.
Ignorance is a lack of knowledge. Stupidity is ignorance with pride.
Ignorance is bliss. -- Thomas Gray
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Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. Jules de Gaultier
Immortality -- a fate worse than death. -- Edgar A. Shoaff
Impartial, adj.: Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Impartial: Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions.
Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the Boss is reading it.
Imprisoned in every fat man a thin man is wildly signaling to be let out. - Cyril Connolly, "The Unquiet Grave" 1945
Impropriety is the soul of wit. Somerset Maugham
In a crisis, you will choose the worst possible course of action.
In a fight you don't stop to choose your cudgels. - Nikita Khruschev
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater confusion.
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
In adversity a man is saved by hope. Menander
In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. Adlai Stevenson
In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own incompetency The Peter Principle
In any country there must be people who have to die. They are the sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order. - Idi Amin Dada, 1976
In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks) are to be treated as variables.
In any human endeavor, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.
In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.
In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and make it better.
In charity there is no excess.
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. -- Ambrose Bierce
In economics, the majority is always wrong. - John Kenneth Galbraith, in "Saturday Evening Post", 1968
In English, every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages.
In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty. - Thomas Jefferson -
In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play. - Friedrich Nietzsche
In every well-governed state wealth is a sacred thing; in democracies it is the ONLY sacred thing. Anatole France
In films murders are always very clean. I show how difficult it is and what a messy thing it is to kill a man. - Alfred Hitchcock, 1966
In hell there is no other punishment than to begin over and over again the tasks left unfinished in your lifetime. - André Gide
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy. Mark Twain
In judging others, folks will work overtime for no pay. Charles Edwin Carruthers
In March July, October, May, The Ides are on the fifteenth day, The Nones the seventh: all other months besides Have two days less for Nones and Ides. - Anonymous
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
In my end is my beginning.
In nature there are neither rewards. nor punishments -- there are consequences. Robert G.Ingersoll
In order to be, never try to seem.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
In politics stupidity is not a handicap. Napoleon
In practical life, the woman is judged by man's law, as if she were a man, not a woman. Henrik Ibsen
In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed. R.W. Emerson
In some cases non-violence requires more militancy than violence. - Cesar Chavez
In the country of the blind the one-eyed man is king. Desiderius Erasmus
In the fight between you and the world, back the world. Franz Kafka
In the final choice a soldier's pack is not so heavy as a prisoner's chains. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then He made school boards. -- Mark Twain
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead. Egyptian Book of the Dead
In the long run we are all dead. - John Maynard Keynes, "The General Theory", 1936
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning. - Carl Sandburg, in "New York Post", 1960
In this fortune, the concluding three words 'were left out'.
In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. Benjamin Franklin
In this world, not everyone with a long knife is a cook. -- Russian proverb
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. - Benjamin Franklin, 1789
In time of war the first casualty is truth. Boake Carter
In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these. - Paul Harvey
In unanimity there is cowardice and uncritical thinking.
In war there is no substitute for victory. Douglas MacArthur
In wickedness there is a strong strain toward rationality.
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
Incompetent user found on console.
Incumbent: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
Information Center: A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
Information is the inverse of entropy.
Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Ink: A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum- arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
Insert your card magnetic stripe down.
Inside every large problem, there is a small problem trying to get out.
Intelligence appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without an education. Education appears to be the thing that enables a man to get along without the use of his intelligence. A. E. Wiggan
Interchangable parts won't.
Internal consistency is valued more than efficient service.
Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art. - Susan Sontag
Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Invention is the mother of necessity.
IOT trap -- mos dumped
IPL in progress ...
Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
Is it a game of chance? Not the way I play it.
Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a soap bubble?
Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know?
Is life so dear, or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? - Patrick Henry
Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves? - Friedrich Nietzsche, "Beyond Good and Evil", 1885 - 1886
Is there anything in life so disenchanting as attainment? Robert Louis Stevenson
Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click]
Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
Issawi's Laws of Progress: The Course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse. The Path of Progress: A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
It could be worse--it might be raining.
It figures. If there is Artificial Intelligence, then there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.
It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It is a bad plan that admits of no modification. -- Publilius Syrus
It is a commonplace observation that work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. - C. Northcote Parkinson, in "The Economist", 1955
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. - Winston Churchill
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical? Alan Perlis
It is always good policy to tell the truth unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar. Jerome K Jerome
It is always the partner's fault.
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. - Harry S. Truman
It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
It is better to be deceived by a friend, than to suspect him.
It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies. - Arthur Calwell, 1968
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
It is better to have men ask why you have no statue, than why you have one.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool Than to open it an remove all doubt. Samual Clemmens
It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. - James Thurber
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is better, of course, to know useless things than to know nothing. - Seneca, "Epistles"
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something. - Franklin D. Roosevelt, Speech, 22 May 1932
It is convenient that there be gods, and, as it is convenient, let us believe there are. - Ovid, "Ars Amatoria"
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. George Bernard Shaw
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. R. Serling
It is difficult to prophesy, especially about the future.
It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.
It is easier to appear worthy of a position one does not hold, than of the office which one fills. Duc de La Rochefoucauld
It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time. - Honoré de Balzac, "The Physiology of Marriage", 1829
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
It is easier to write an incorrect program than to understand a correct one.
It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people. -- Dolph Sharp
It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. - Walter Bagehot, "Biographical Studies", 1863
It is hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. William G. McAdoo
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
It is later than you think.
It is long accepted by the missionaries that morality is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing people wore. - Alex Carey
It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
It is much more secure to be feared than to be loved. Niccolo Machiavelli
It is much safer to obey than to rule. Thomas A. Kempis
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. RICHARD M NIXON
It is not enough to succed. Others must fail. - Gore Vidal
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. Edna St. Vincent Millay
It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. Voltaire
It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.
It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are. Clive James
It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated. - Alec Bourne, "A Doctor's Creed"
It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as high as the eagle?
It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.
It is the business of little minds to shrink. -- Carl Sandburg
It is the business of the future to be dangerous. Hawkwind
It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little. Do what you can. Sydney Smith
It is the wise bird that builds its nest in a tree.
It is true that liberty is precious - so precious that it must be rationed. - Nikolai Lenin
It is well that war is so terrible, or we should get too fond of it. - Robert E. Lee, December 1862
It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.
It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper. Errol Flynn
It just goes to show you, its always something.
It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him. - Arthur C. Clarke
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
It often shows a fine command of a language to say nothing.
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better ... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. - Woody Allen, "Side Effects" 1981
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
It takes a long time to understand nothing. EDWARD DAHLBERG
It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. MARK TWAIN
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It won't work.
It works better if you plug it in.
It'll be just like Beggars Canyon back home.
It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. Andrew Jackson
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S. Truman, 1958
It's all in the mind, ya know.
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
It's clever, but is it art?
It's easier to be original and foolish than original and wise. Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz
It's easier to be wise for others than for ourselves. Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld
It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right.
It's easier to see how funny life is when somebody else is living it.
It's easy to come and go... The hard thing is to remain.
It's funny. You come some place new and everything looks the same.
It's hard to face tomorrow, but it's easier than facing no tomorrow.
It's hard to remain true to a changing self.
It's later than you think.
It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. Phil White
It's not easy having a good time; even smiling makes my face ache.
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen.
It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game. -- Grantland Rice
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how good you look playing! David Lee Roth
It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts. - Millard Fuller, in "Time", 16 January 1989
It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
It's round the world I've traveled; it's round the world I've roamed; but I've yet to see an outlaw drive a family from its home. - Woody Guthrie, "Pretty Boy Floyd"
It's running like a scalded dog!
It's six o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your terminal to explode.
It's smart to pick your friends - but not to pieces.
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. - Tallulah Bankhead
Italians do it better!
Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.
Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.
Jimmy Hoffa--please call home.
Jone's Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Jones's First Law: Anyone who makes a significant contribution to any field ofendeavor, and stays in that field long enough, becomes an obstruction to its progress -- in direct proportion to the importance of their original contribution.
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ORACLE
Just because the bells are ringing, it is not necessarily dinner time. -- Russian proverb
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
Just to have it is enough.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday... Along came today.
Justice is incidental to law and order. J. Edgar Hoover
Justice without force is powerless; force without justice is tyrannical. Blaise Pascal
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Katz' Law: Man and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
Keep you Eye on the Ball, Your Shoulder to the Wheel, Your Nose to the Grindstone, Your Feet on the Ground, Your Head on your Shoulders. Now ... try to get something DONE!
Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.
Ketterling's Law: Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
Keyboard locked.
Kin: An affliction of the blood
Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o'Sunday.
Kiss your keyboard good-bye!
Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
Kix are for trids.
Klaatu barada nikto.
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
Kleptomaniac: A rich thief. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. Henry N. Camp
Knowledge is power.
Knowledge without common sense is folly.
Krogt (chemical symbol: Kr): The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Labor: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Lack of money is the root of all evil. - George Bernard Shaw, "Man and Superman", 1903
Lack of will power has caused more failure than lack of intelligence or ability. Flower A. Newhouse
Lackland's Laws: 1. Never be first. 2. Never be last. 3. Never volunteer for anything
Lactomangulation: Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side. Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Laetrile is the pits
Large numbers of things are determined, and therefore not subject to change.
Larkinson's Law: All laws are basically false.
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.
Last guys don't finish nice.
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. - Victor Borge
Law of Communications: The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences: If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Law of the Perversity of Nature: You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Law stands mute in the midst of arms.
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
Laws of Serendipity: 1. In order to discover anything, you must be looking for something. 2. If you wish to make an improved product, you must already be engaged in making an inferior one.
Laws were made to be broken. - Christopher North
Lead on, MacDuff!
Learn good things -- the bad ones will teach you by themselves. -- Russian proverb
Learn to pause--or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
Leave no stone unturned.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Leibowitz's Rule: When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
Leisure time is that five or six hours when you sleep at night. - George Allen
Lemon curry ?!?
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let me see what happen when you roll your face on the keyboard.
Let me take you a buttonhole lower.
Let sleeping dogs lie. -- Charles Dickens
Let us begin by committing ourselves to the truth - to see it like it is, and tell it like it is - to find the truth, to speak the truth, and live the truth. Richard M. Nixon. Accepting the presidential nomination in 1968
Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
Let your conscience be your guide. -- Alexander Pope
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Let's go get a pizza!
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
Let's put the blame where it belongs: On somebody else.
Levity is the soul of wit. Melville D. Landon. (Eli Perkins)
Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth.
Liars ought to have good memories. - Algernon Sidney
Liberal - a power worshipper without power. - George Orwell
LIBRA (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22) Your desire for justice and truth will be overshadowed by your desire for filthy lucre and a decent meal. Be gracious and polite. Someone is watching you, so stop staring like that.
Licker talks mighty loud w'en it gets loose fum de jug. - Joel C. Harris, "Uncle Remus: Plantation Proverbs"
Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Life as we know it doesn't exist.
Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
Life is a great sunrise. I do not see why death should not be an even greater one. Vladimir Nobokov
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
Life is an incurable disease. Abraham Cowley
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
Life is full of little surprises, and you are one of them.
Life is hard and then you die. -- Record Title
Life is like a sewer, what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Life is like an analogy.
Life is like an onion--you peel off layer after layer, and find nothing in it.
Life is one long struggle in the dark.
Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises. Samuel Butler
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
Life is unbearable, but death is not so pleasant either. -- Russian proverb
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
Life was not meant to be easy. Malcom Fraser
Life without the courage for death is slavery. Seneca
Like punning, programming is a play on words.
Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. Alan McKay
Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
Linus:I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe we should think only about today. Charlie Brown: No, that's giving up. I'm still hoping that yesterday will get better.
Live a clean, healthy life and you will soon die of boredom.
Live a hundred years, learn a hundred years, and you'll still die a fool. -- Russian proverb
Live and scratch -- when you're dead, the itching will stop. -- Russian proverb
Live in the past and future only.
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence. Joseph Wood Krutch
LOGIN PROCEEDING. LOGIN PROCEEDING.
Lonely is a man without love.
Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
Look after the molehills and the mountains will take care of themselves.
Look before you leap. -- Samuel Butler
Look ere ye leap.
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
Look, Muth tracks!
Look, sir! 'droids!
Lord give me chastity - but not yet. Saint Augustine
Lord, give us the wisdom to utter words that are gentle and tender, for tomorrow we may have to eat them. - Morris Udall, quoted in "Sierra", May/June 1989
Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish. Michelangelo
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
Losing your driver's license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Love at first sight is one of the greatest labour-saving devices the world has ever seen.
Love built on beauty, soon as beauty dies. - John Donne, "Elegy II, The Anagram"
Love conquers all things. -- Virgil
Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.
Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.
Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. - W. Somerset Maugham, "A Writer's Notebook" 1949
Love is sentimental measles.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
Love of beauty is Taste...The creation of beauty is Art. R.W. Emerson
Love the sea? I dote upon it - from the beach.
Love thy neighbor. Tune thy piano.
Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
Lunatic Asylum: The place where optimism most flourishes.
Luxury is a necessity that begins where necessity ends. Coco Channel
Lysistrata had a good idea.
Machines should work; people should think.
Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ... Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. W. C. Fields
Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
Magpie: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. Minor Premise: One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds; Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.
Majority: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
Majority: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
Make a wish, it might come true.
Make input easy to proofread.
Make love not software.
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
Make sure comments and code agree.
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
Make three consecutive correct guesses and you will be considered an expert.
Make yourself into a sheep, and you'll meet a wolf nearby. -- Russian proverb
Malek's Law: Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Malfunction in sub-module: KWYYKCK
Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter.
Man and wife make one fool.
Man does not live by bug fixes alone.
Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them. Adlai Stevenson
Man in the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass-produced with unskilled labor. - Werner von Braun
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. Oscar Wilde
Man is a social animal who dislikes his fellow beings.
Man is but a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed. - Blaise Pascal, "Pensées", 1670
Man is by nature a political animal.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. Wernher von Braun
Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. - Mark Twain
Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else, unless it is an enemy. A. Einstein
Man who bites bread or eats peas with knife is lost creature.
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
Man will never fly. Space travel is merely a dream. All aspirin is alike.
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. - Winston Churchill
Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind. - John F. Kennedy
Manual: A unit of documentation. There are always three or more on a given item. One is on the shelf; someone has the others. The information you need in in the others. Ray Simard
Manuscript: Something submitted in haste and returned at leisure. Oliver Herford
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Many a yo-yo think he have the world on a string.
Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.
Many are called, few volunteer.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it. Mignon McLaughlin
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
Many hands make light work.
Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi-Wan Kenobi in "Return of the Jedi"
Many pages make a crowded castle.
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles on very thin paper.
Many pages make a thick book.
Many people are unenthusiastic about their work.
Many people have played themselves to death. Many people have eaten and drunk themselves to death. Nobody ever thought himself to death. Gilbert Highet
Many receive advice, few profit from it.
Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
Marriage -- a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is distinctly and repeatedly excluded from heaven. Is this because it is thought likely to mar the general felicity? - Samuel Butler, "Notebooks" 1912
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Joey Adams
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out. Michel de Montaigne. French writer
Marriage is like sneezing: even when you feel it coming on, you can't stop. -- Russian proverb
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. Voltaire
Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity. - Honoré de Balzac, "The Physiology of Marriage", 1829
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth.
Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.
Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts to each other without consideration of their relation to experience. -- Albert Einstein
Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. Jules Feiffer
Max, as a unary function, isn't very interesting.
Maxim 1070: I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Publilius Syrus
Maxim 914: Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. - Publilius Syrus
May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts
May Euell Gibbons eat your only copy of the manual!
May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May you live in uninteresting times.
May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. - Aldous Huxley
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed: "They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization."
McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
Meader's Law: Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened toevery one you know, only more so.
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
Mediocre minds usually dismiss anything which reaches beyond their own understanding. - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims" 1665
Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "The Valley of Fear", 1914
Meditation is not what you think.
Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII, 1978
Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth - more than ruin, more even than death. - Bertrand Russell, "Selected Papers"
Men have a much better time of it than women: for one thing, they marry later; for another thing they die earlier. H.L. Mencken
Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability. George Bernard Shaw
Men just don't seem to jump off the bridge for big reasons; they usually do so for little ones. W.H. Ferry
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
Men use thought only to justify their wrong doings, and speech only to conceal their thoughts.
Men willingly believe what they wish. - Julius Caesar
Men, like bullets, go farthest when they are smoothest. Jean Paul Richter
Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American: The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American: The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.
Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American: All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
Mencken and Nathan's Sixteenth Law of The Average American: Milking a cow is an operation demanding a special talent that is possessed only by yokels, and no person born in a large city can never hope to acquire it.
Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
Meskimen's Law: There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
Middle age is youth without it's levity. And old age without decay. Daniel Defoe
Might as well be frank, Monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.
Miksch's Law: If a string has one end, then it has another end.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Susan Ertz
Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your half-breed interference.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.
Misfortune.
Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
Mitchell's Law of Committees: Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
Moderate riches will carry you.. if you have more, you must carry them.
Moderation in all things, and moderation is the first to go.
Moderation in all things.
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implementedit wasn't worth doing.
Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
Monday: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
Money is round and rolls away.
Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs roots.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some
Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations. - Thomas Jefferson -
More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen
Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.
Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
Most of the problems a President has to face have their roots in the past. - Harry S. Truman, "Memoirs, Vol. II", 1955
Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
Most of us spend the first 6 days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. - Fred Allen
Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market.
Most people find the concept of programming obvious, but the doing impossible.
Most people get a fair amount of fun out of their lives, but on balance life is suffering and only the very young or the very foolish imagine otherwise. - George Orwell, "Shooting an Elephant", 1950
Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. -- Frank Zappa
Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise. - Maya Angelou, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings", 1969
Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
MSG(089): Refer to your manual for that mysterious message.
Multics is security spelled sideways.
Mum's the word.
Mumble.
Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Murphys Law: If something can go wrong... It will, and at the worst possible time.
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
Must the hunger become anger and the anger fury before anything will be done? - John Steinbeck
Mustgo: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project. Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
My brain hurts!
My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
My dog has no nose.
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.
My father, a good man, told me, 'Never lose your ignorance; you cannot replace it.' Erich Maria Remarque
My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
My idea of an agreeable person, is a person who agrees with me. Benjamin Disraeli
My Karma ran over my dogma.
My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.
My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity. George Bernard Shaw
My name is Bond, James Bond.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opponent's best move is my best move.
My responsibility is to follow the Scriptures which call upon us to occupy the land until Jesus returns. - James Watt, in "The Washington Post", 24 May 1981
Mythology: The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Nada muere, todo baja del río del tiempo al mar de la eternidad y allí queda. - Miguel de Unamuno, "Ver con los Ojos y Otros Relatos Novelescos"
Nadie tiene más imaginación que la realidad. - Miguel de Unamuno, "El Espejo de la Muerte", 1941
Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof.
Nanu nanu!
NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GUISEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right. G. B. Shaw
National security is in your hands - guard it well.
Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night, God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light. It did not last; the devil howling "Ho! Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
Nature didn't make us perfect so she did the next best thing. She made us blind to our faults. Grit
Nature teaches beasts to know their friends.
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln
Necessity has no law.
Necessity is a mother.
Necessity is the argument of tyrants, it is the creed of slaves. William Pitt the Younger
Necessity is the mother of invention.
Neestiko arkoudi dhen horevee.
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Neither soldiers nor money can defend a king but only friends won by good deeds, merit, and honesty. - Sallust, "De bello Iugurthino"
Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry. Proverb
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Never argue with anyone who buys ink by the gallon.
Never ask a question unless the answer makes a difference.
Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price.
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never do today what you can do tomorrow. Something may occur to make you regret your premature action. Aaron Burr
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
Never drink from your finger bowl--it contains only water.
Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lie down with a woman who's got more trouble than you. - Nelson Algren, "What Every Young Man Should Know"
Never eat in a place with sliding doors unless you're crazy about raw fish.
Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy
Never give a gun to ducks.
Never give an inch!
Never go to sea with two chronometers; take one or three. - Anonymous
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth. -- Saint Jerome
Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
Never play cards with a man called Doc.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never promise more than you can perform.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.
Never replace a successful experiment.
Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!"
Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
Never take a drink when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S. Patton, "War As I Knew It", 1947
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never throw a bird at a dragon.
Never tolerate the establishment of two continental powers in Europe. - Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf", 1933
Never trust anyone over thirty. - Jerry Rubin, 1966
Never try to outstubborn a cat. Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and bothers the pig.
Never underestimate a woman.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb.
Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. R. A. Heinlein
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
New UNIX/TS manuals available in 2F-101.
New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it. Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law: A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. -- F. J. Raymond
Next Wednesday you will be presented with a great opportunity.
Nice guys finish last. -- Leo Durocher
Nice guys get sick.
Nihilism doesn't exist.
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed. - H. L. Mencken, "Prejudices, Third Series", 1922
Ninety per cent of everything is crap. - Theodore Sturgeon
Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
No analysis is a complete failure - it can always serve as a bad example.
No civilized person ever goes to bed the same day he gets up.
No creo en Dios, pero le tengo miedo. (I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of Him.) - Gabriel García Márquez, "El Amor en los Tiempos de Cólera", 1985
No directory.
No evil can happen to a good man. -- Plato
No experiment is reproducible.
No good deed goes unpunished. - Clare Boothe Luce
No it isn't!
No man is a hero to his valet. Anne-Marie Bigot de Cornuel
No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
No man is rich enough to buy back his past. Oscar Wilde
No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. - Henry B. Adams, "The Education of Henry Adams", 1907
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory
No matter which way you go, it's uphill and against the wind.
No member of our generation who wasn't a Communist or a dropout in the thirties is worth a damn. - Lyndon B. Johnson, 1960
No message(s) today.
No one becomes depraved in a moment.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and riches. - Matthew 6:24
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. H.L. Mencken
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
No one knows what he can do till he tries.
No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
No one within an organization really knows what's going on.
No poems can please nor live long that are written by water drinkers.
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski, in "Encounter", 1971
No sentence fragments.
No sooner said than done--so acts your man of worth.
No use beating a dead horse.
No wonder I feel so tired - I'm older now than I've ever been before.
No writer's life understands that he's working when he's staring out the window
No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. Groucho Marx
Noblemen make promises, but peasants have to keep them. -- Russian proverb
Nobody believes the official spokesman ... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. - Ron Nesen, 1977
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. TALLULAH BANKHEAD
Nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own. Sydney Harris
Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by definition, is unassailable. - James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name" 1961
Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid. Mark Twain
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
Nostalgia is a seductive liar. George Ball
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Not all who own a harp are harpers.
Not all women give most of their waking thoughts to the problem of pleasing men. Some are married. Emma Lee
Not now, Kato.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allan
Not-really-trying is just as much effort as trying-really-hard. The only difference ... is that not-really-trying receives no reward. - A. N. Wilson, "Incline Our Hearts", 1989
Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.
Nothing astonishes man so much as common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing befalls a man except what is in his nature to endure. Marcus Aurelius
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
Nothing endures but change.
Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced. - John Keats, Correspondence, 1819
Nothing ever goes away.
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Nothing is built on stone; all is built on sand, but we must build as if the sand were stone. - Jorge Luis Borges, 1972
Nothing is but what is not.
Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. American Proverb
Nothing is faster than the speed of light ... To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. Andrew Young
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.
Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others. - Jonathan Winters in "The Twilight Zone"
Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced. - Albert Einstein, "Ideas and Opinions", 1954
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. Henry Ford
Nothing is skinnier than nothing.
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith
Nothing is so firmly believed as which is least known.
Nothing puzzles me more than time and space, and yet nothing puzzles me less, for I never think about them. Charles Lamb
Nothing recedes like success. Walter Winchell
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Nothing succeeds like excess.
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. Charlie Brown
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
Nothing will ever happen to you.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. - Kin Hubbard, "Abe Martin's Broadcast", 1930
Now comes the mystery. - Henry Ward Beecher, last words, 8 March 1887
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck! [POP!] Oooooooh, a wise guy!
O give me a home, Where the buffalo roam, Where the deer and the antelope play, Where seldom is heard A discouraging word, 'Cause what can an antelope say?
O God, give us serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. - Reinhold Niebuhr, sermon, 1934
O'Toole's commentary on Murphy's Law: "Murphy was an optimist."
O'Toole's dictum: "Murphy was an optimist."
Observation, not old age, brings wisdom.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. Hannah More
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. Plato
Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
Office Automation: The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.
Often the test of courage is not to die but to live. Conte Vittorio Alfieri
Oh don't the days seem lank and long When all goes right and none goes wrong, And isn't your life extremely flat With nothing whatever to grumble at!
Oh my! Another kludge!
Oh this age! How tasteless and ill-bred it is.
Oh wearisome condition of humanity! Born under one law, to another bound.
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
Oh, Nicky, you're such a tool.
Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and only half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am. Rebecca Richards
Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive.
Oh, wow! Look at the moon!
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. Maurice Chevalier
Old age is the harbor of all ills.
Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. Trotsky
Old chemists never die - they just fail to react.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Old men give good advice when they are no longer able to provide bad examples.
Old people like to give good advice, as solace for no longer being able to provide bad examples. - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims" 1665
Old programmers never die, they just become managers.
Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: "This isn't right. This isn't even wrong." Wolfgang Pauli
On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women. H.L. Mencken
On the way to the corner, a dropped tool will land on your foot.
On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time. - George Orwell, collected essays
On-line, adj.: The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"
Once a can of worms is opened, the only way to recan them is in a bigger can.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior. Socrates
Once the word is out of your mouth, you can't swallow it back. -- Russian proverb
Once you understand how to write a program, get someone else to write it.
Once, adv.: Enough. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" your chairs.
One Bell System - it works.
One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.
One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.
One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. - Henry B. Adams, "The Education of Henry Adams", 1907
One funged curve is worth a thousand weasel words.
One good turn deserves another.
One good turn gets the whole blanket.
One half of the children born die before their eighth year. This is nature's law; why try to contradict it? - Jean Jacques Rousseau, "Émile, ou de l'education", 1762
One lives in the hope of becoming a memory. - Antonio Porchia, "Voces", 1968
One man with courage makes a majority. Andrew Jackson
One man's constant is another man's variable.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
One of it's legs is both the same.
One of the greatest labour-saving inventions of today is tomorrow. Vincent T. Foss
One of the greatest pieces of economic wisdom is to know what you do not know. - John Kenneth Galbraith, in "Time", 1961
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. - Will Durant, in "Reader's Digest", 1972
One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God create goyim?" The generally accepted answer is "SOMEBODY somebody has to buy retail." Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
One of the weaknesses of our age is our apparent inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds. - Don Robinson, quoted in "Reader's Digest", 1963
One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. Mark Ardis
One picture is worth a thousand words. See diagram below.
One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.
One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly. F. Nietzsche
One small bug for a man, one great program for mankind.
One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
One was never married, and that's his hell; another is, and that's his plague. - Robert Burton, 1651
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
One will not have needed the future perfect in one's entire life.
One's company, two's a crowd and three's a party. - Andy Warhol, in "Exposures", 1979
One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.
Only a fool has no doubts.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
Only fools are quoted.
Only God can make random selections.
Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
Only the sinner has the right to preach. - Christopher Morley
Only the winners decide what were war crimes. Gary Willis
Only the young die good. Oliver Herford
Only those who attempt the absurd achieve the impossible.
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. Robert F. Kennedy
Only those with nothing to be sorry for smile back at the rear of an elephant.
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings
Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest violence. Hebrew Proverb
Opportunity knocks but once.
Optimist is person who thinks he can break up traffic jam by blowing horn.
Optimization hinders evolution.
Oregonians don't tan, they rust.
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. Mike Adams
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. - Laurence Peter
Originality is undetected plagiarism. Dean W.R. Inge
Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.
Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions. Edward R. Murrow
Our meetings are held to discuss many problems which would never arise if we held fewer meetings.
Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
Our swords shall play the orators for us.
Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner. - General Omar Bradley
Out of sight is out of mind.
Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
P-K4.
Palindrome isn't one.
Panic: can't find rm -rf *
Panic: can't find a sense
Pardo's First Postulate: Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Arnold's Addendum: Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
PARITY CHECK 1
PARITY CHECK 2
Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Parkinson's Fourth Law: The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.
PARKINSON'S LAW: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
Parsley is gharsley.
Pascal: A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. Eric Hoffer
Passions are fashions. Clifton Fadiman
Patch griefs with proverbs.
Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. - Samuel Johnson, 7 April 1775
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it. George Bernard Shaw
Paul's Law: In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Pause for storage relocation.
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtains.
Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous. George Bernard Shaw
Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Peanut butter.
Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in it.
People are always talking about tradition, but they forget we have a tradition of a few hundred years of nonsense and stupidity, that there is a tradition of idiocy, incompetence and crudity. - Hugo Demartini, in "Contemporary Artists", 1977
People don't ask for facts in making up their minds. They would rather have one good, soul-satisfying emotion than a dozen facts. - Robert Keith Leavitt
People have declaimed against luxury for 2,000 years ... and people have always delighted in it.
People humiliating a salami!
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election. - Otto von Bismarck
People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. Russell Baker
People smart enough to give good advice are usually smart enough to give none.
People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
People who are grateful are usually good.
People who can least afford to pay rent pay rent.
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. Ogden Nash
People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little. - Jean Jacques Rousseau, "Émile, ou de l'education", 1762
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.
People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it. - Peter Sellers
People with no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. "Confound those who have said our remarks before us." Aelius Donatus
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle that they burned Rome.
Peter's Law of Substitution: Look after the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
Peters hungry, time to eat lunch.
Phasors locked on target, Captain.
Philadelphia just seems dull because it's next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the the philanthropist to over-look the circumstances of economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary. - Martin Luther King, Jr., "Strength to Love", 1963
Philosophy: Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
Phone call for cbh.
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. Jonathan Kozol
Pig: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it balks at pig. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Pipe gives wise man time to think and fool something to stick in mouth.
PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20) Take the high road, look for the good things, carry the American Express card and a weapon. The world is yours today, as nobody else wants it. Your mortgage will be foreclosed. You will probably get run over by a bus.
Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do. But beautiful women don't need to know about men. It's the men who have to know about beautiful women. - Katherine Hepburn
Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.
Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is. - Ashleigh Brilliant
PLEASE LOG OFF!.... NOW ! ! !
Please take cash.
Please update your programs.
Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
POLITICIAN: From the Greek 'poly' ("many") and the French 'tete' ("head" or "face," as in 'tete-a-tete': head to head or face to face). Hence 'polytetien', a person of two or more faces. Martin Pitt
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridge even when there are no rivers. - Nikita Khruschev
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. ARTHUR C CLARKE
Politics ain't worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space. Will Rogers
Politics are very much like war. We may even have to use poison gas at times. - Winston Churchill
Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith
Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong, "Quotations from Chairman Mao", 1966
Politics power grows out of the barrel of a gun. - Mao Zedong, "Quotations from Chairman Mao", 1966
Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds. Henry Brooks Adams
Polygamy: An endeavour to get more out of life than there is in it. Elbert Hubbard
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Power always has to be kept in check; power exercised in secret, especially under the cloak of national security, is doubly dangerous. - William Proxmire
Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Power is poison.
Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. - Lord Acton, Letter, 5 April 1887
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Power, after love, is the first source of happiness. Stendhal
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. J. P. McEvoy
Practice is the best of all instructors. - Publilius Syrus
Practice yourself what you preach.
Praise the sea; on shore remain.
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. -- Russian proverb
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. Neils Bohr
Preparation, knowledge, and discipline can deal with any form of danger. - Tom Clancy, "THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER", 1984
Preserve the old, but know the new.
President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic pundits and forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting.- The Washington Post
Press F1 for Help
Pressure is the normal force acting upon an engineer.
Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
Prevent security leaks.
Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. - Proverbs 16:18
Print is the sharpest and the strongest weapon of our party. - Joseph Stalin, Speech, 19 April 1923
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
Process killed by Jack The Ripper.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Don Marquis
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
Progress is made on alternative Fridays.
Pronounce your prepositions, damn it!
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Prophecy is the wit of a fool. Vladimir Nabokov
Prophecy: The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. Ambrose Bierce
Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.
Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity a greater. William Hazlitt
Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.
Prosperity tries the fortunate: adversity the great. Pliny the Younger
Prototype designs always work.
Pssst. The root password is 'kumquat'.
Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're ok, you're it.
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. Laurence J Peter
Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel. - Boies Penrose, 1931
Public schools are the nurseries of all vice and immorality.
Pull yourself together; things are not all that bad.
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the T.V. screen.
PURGE COMPLETE.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. H.L. Mencken
Put 'em in the trunk.
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
Put people on hold when possible.
Put three grains of sand inside a vast cathedral, and the cathedral will be more closely packed with sand than space is with stars. Sir James Jeans
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
Put your genius into your life. Put only your talent into your work.
Put your Nose to the Grindstone! Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is? A:One per person.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to hold the girrafe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road? A: Because it was on the other side.
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A:To stamp out forest fires. Q:Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out flaming ducks.
Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together? A:To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
Quando il gioco si fa duro, i duri cominciano a giocare.
Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it's the only one we've got.
Question: Man Invented Alcohol, God Invented Grass. Who do you trust?
Quia Costodiet Ipsos Custodes. (Who will watch the Guardians)
Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
Quit looking at fortunes and get back to work!
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. Ambrose Bierce
Racism is man's gravest threat to man - the maximum of hatred for a minimum of reason. Abraham Joshua Heschel
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
Rank has its privileges.
Read your Amdahl Business Practices.
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman, but believing what he read made him mad. - George Bernard Shaw
Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. - Confucius
Real Programmers don't need comments; the code is obvious.
Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
Real Programmers don't use Pascal
Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
Real Programs don't use shared text. Otherwise, how can they use functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
Reality is for people who can't cope with drugs.
Reality is for people who can't cope with science fiction.
Reality--what a concept!
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
Rebellions of the belly are the worst. Francis Bacon
Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache.-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
Recursion is the root of computation since it trades description for time.
Rehumanize yourself!
Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die. - Oscar Wilde, "The Importance of Being Earnest", 1895
Religion ... is the opium of the masses. - Karl Marx, "Critique of the Hegelian Philosophy of Right", 1844
Religion is the opiate of the masses. Karl Marx
Religion: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Ambrose Bierce
Religions tend to disappear with man's good fortune. - Raymond Queneau, "A Model History"
Remember the Alamo.
Remember the poor - it costs nothing. Josh Billings
Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
Remember when we all wanted to look like Elizabeth Taylor? Well, now I do. Carrie Snow
Remember when you point a finger Three fingers are pointing at you.
Remember, Unix on some machines is nUxi.
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Remembering is for those who have forgotten.
Repentance is not so much remorse for what we have done as the fear of the consequences. - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims" 1665
Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Reputation is what others are not thinking about you.
Research is to see what everyone else has, and then think what no one else has.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. Wernher von Braun
Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
Resist everything but temptation.
Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
Resolved, that the women of this nation in 1876, have greater cause for discontent, rebellion and revolution than the men of 1776. - Susan B. Anthony
Rest assured that your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
Rest: Death after life. Edmund Spenser
Retribution will be yours.
Revenge is a dish best served cold - Klingon
Riches cover a multitude of woes.
Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.
Rome was not built in one day.
Rotten wood can not be carved. -- Confucius
Rowe's Rule: the odds are five to six that the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train. Paul Dickson
Rudin's Law: If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time.
RUDIN'S LAW: In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
Rule 1: The boss is always right. Rule 2: When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London: Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.
Rule of Creative Research: 1) Never draw what you can copy. 2) Never copy what you can trace. 3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
Rule of Defactualization: Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish.
Run away!
Safety is better than the wrong answer.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People laugh at you a great deal.
Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. Ambrose Bierce
Salary is no object: strive only to keep body and soul apart.
San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. -- Herb Caen
San Francisco: Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
Satellite Safety Tip No.14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
Satire is what closes in New Haven.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Save gas, don't eat beans.
Save gas, don't use the shell.
Save the documentation for later.
Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds!
Say the secret woid and the duck is yours.
Say the secret word and you win $100.
Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
Scanning disk surface for errors: Please stand by ...
Schapiro's Explanation: The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's because they use more manure.
Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed. Thomas Henry Huxley
Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope. C.P. Snow
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
Scientists are Peeping Toms at the keyhole of eternity. Arthur Koestler
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.
Scott's first Law: No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
Sculpture: mud pies that endure.
Sears has everything.
Second-rate people hire third-rate people.
Seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.
Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!
Self Test for Paranoia: You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's your own fault.
Sell short.
SEMINARS: From 'semi' and 'arse', hence, any half-assed discussion.
SEMPER UBI SUB UBI !!!!
Serocki's Stricture: Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth. - Muhammad Ali, in "Time", 1978
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
Set the cart before the horse.
Several excuses are always less convincing than one. Aldous Huxley
Sex causes cancer. We'd wipe out cancer in one generation if no one had sex.
Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either. JOSEPH FISCHER
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated. M.C. Reed.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. Woody Allen
Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power of speech. George Bernard Shaw
She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot. Mark Twain
She just, turns around and disappear. I kinda like that style.
She loves you as much as she can, which is not very much.
She may very well pass for forty-three in the dusk with a light behind her.
She sells cshs by the cshore.
She who hesitates is won.
She's genuinely bogus.
Sheep are best!
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down! Byte, byte, byte!
Shine on, you crazy diamond!
Short circuits got no reason to live.
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
Show respect for age. Drink good scotch for a change.
Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
Show your appreciation for your lover with a surprise small gift.
Shower the people you love with your love.
Shower with the people you love.
Si Dios no hubiera descansado el domingo habría tenido tiempo de terminar el mundo. (If God hadn't rested on Sunday, He would have had time to finish the world.) - Gabriel García Márquez, "Los Funerales de Mamá Grande", 1974
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
Sign on bank: "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
Sign up now for the summarizing Proust competition!
Silence is better than unmeaning words. Pythagoras
Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
Simon's Law: Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.
Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle that fits them all.
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!
Singing makes all the sad people happy because it is the voice of happiness. - Joseph Shabalala
Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.
Skepticism, like chastity should not be relinquished too readily. George Santayana
Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor): That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work. - Carl Sandburg, in "New York Times", 1959
Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work
Sloppy, raggedy-assed old life. I love it. I never want to die. Dennis Trudell
Slums may well be breeding grounds of crime, but middle class suburbs are incubators of apathy and delirium. - Cyril Connolly, "The Unquiet Grave" 1945
Slurm: The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long. Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
Small things make base men proud.
Smile! You're on Candid Camera.
Smile, it makes the world wonder what you are up to.
Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
Smoke no peaches.
Snacktrek: The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized. Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that go away if ignored long enough.
Snow Day - stay home.
So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.
So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. - Psalms 90:10
So you're back.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
Society is a mule, not a car; if pressed harder, it will kick and throw you off
Sodd's Second Law: Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
SOFTWARE -- formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
Solitude: A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay. Josh Billings. (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Some actions have an end but no beginning; some begin but do not end. It all depends upon where the observer is standing. - Frank Herbert
Some do, some don't. Some will, some won't. I might.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say 'Why not?' - Robert F. Kennedy, quoted in "Esquire", 1969
Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor, unassisted. - Wilson Mizner
Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week. William Dean Howells
Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing.
Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson -
Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
Some things have to be believed to be seen.
Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.
Somehow, somewhere along the line, this town lost its pride.
Someone close to you is taking advantage of your trust.
Someone is speaking well of you. How unusual!
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. - Sigmund Freud
Sometimes democracy must be bathed in blood. - Augusto Pinochet
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. Seneca
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Sooner or later you must pay for your sins. (Those who have already paid may disregard this fortune).
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
Sooner will men hold fire in their mouths than keep a secret.
Sorry, computer foul-up!
Sorry, no fortune this time.
Sorry. Nice try.
Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Spark's Sixth Rule for Managers: If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had lost his senses. When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.
Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
Spirtle: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye. Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
State Farm? Guard dogs?
Statistics - figures used as arguments. Leonard Louis Levinson
Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital. Aaron Levenstein
Statistics are no substitute for judgement.
Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts--for support, not illumination.
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Stepfhan is stupid!
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.
Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
Stop the world...Nixon wants to get back on! David Fisher
Strike while the iron is hot.
Strong reasons make strong actions. Shakespeare
Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
Stupid: Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crud.
Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. Mark Twain
Success always necessitates a degree of ruthlessness. Given the choice of friendship or success, I'd probably choose success. - Sting (Gordon Summer), 1980
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Success has made failures of many men. Cindy Adams
Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
Suicide stunts your growth. Vila Restal
Supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence.
Support your local church. Worship at Bank of America.
Surly grammarians insist that all words ending in "ly" are adverbs.
Surprise due today. Also the rent.
Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
Survival of the species is everyone's business.
Swap read error. You lose your mind.
Sweater: A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.
Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
System checkpoint complete.
System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
System going down indefinitely, please log off!
System maintenance about to begin.
System restarting, wait.
Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. Abraham Lincoln
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. Howard W. Newton
Tact is the unsaid part of what you're thinking.
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. National Lampoon, "Deteriorada"
Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
Take off your hat to your yesterdays; take off your coat for your tomorrows. Proverb
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.
Take what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Take what you can use and let the rest go by. KEN KESEY
Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms, and they'll call you crazy. "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
Talk of revolution is one of avoiding reality. J.K. Galbraith
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. Euripides
Talkers are no good doers.
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. Friedrich Nietzsche
Tall oaks from little acorns grow. David Everett
Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.
Tanstaafl.
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. You are a Communist.
Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree." Russell Long
Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an extension.
Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government.
Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when he grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. Aldous Huxley
Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done. - Ernie Kovacs
Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want. - Clive Barnes, in "New York Times", 1969
Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. Ernie Kovacs
Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent. - Napoleon
Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing. R. Geis
Testing display: Can you read this?
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
Thanks for all the fish!
That government is best which governs least. - Henry David Thoreau, "Civil Disobedience" 1849
That is a two part question ...
That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
That that is is not that that is not.
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. Dorothy Parker
That's like fluffing the pillows on the Titanic
That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. Neil Armstrong
That's what she said.
The ability to accept responsibility is the measure of the man. Roy L. Smith
The Abrams' Principle: The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.
The adverb always follows the verb.
The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper-- Thomas Jefferson
The American public knows what it wants, and deserves to get it good and hard. - H. L. Mencken
The amount of work done varies inversely with the time spent in the office.
The applause of a single human being is of great consequence. Samuel Johnson
The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. T. Lehrer
The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. Bill Murray
The art of acting consists in keeping people from coughing. Sir Ralph Richardson
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. William James
The atom bomb is a paper tiger... Terrible to look at but not so strong as it seems. - Mao Zedong
The Atomic Age is here to stay - but are we? Bennet Cerf
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. - J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England", 1945
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs. checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight. paperback tomorrow.
The ballot is stronger than the bullet. Abraham Lincoln
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. W. C. Fields
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
The best of seers is he who guesses well. - Euripides
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right. Quentin Hogg
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
The better part of valor is discretion.
The big majority of Americans, who are comparatively well off, have developed an ability to have enclaves of people living in the greatest misery without almost noticing them. - Gunnar Myrdal
The bigger the theory, the better.
The bigger they come the harder they fall. Robert Prometheus Fitzsimmons
The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time. Merrick Furst
The biggest things are always the easiest to do because there is no competition. William Van Horne
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone. Harriet Beecher Stowe
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Air Force doesn't.
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Army doesn't.
The Boy Scouts have adult leadership. The Navy doesn't.
The Bozos are coming.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
The brain works from the moment of birth until you stand up to speak in public.
The Briggs/Chase Law of Program Development: To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and convert to the next higher units.
The buck stops with the guy who signs the cheques. Rupert Murdoch
The Bugs of wrath -- John Steinbug
The burden is equal to the horses strength. The Talmud
The camera cannot lie. But it can be an accessory to untruth. - Harold Evans, "Pictures on a Page", 1978
The caribou love [the Alaska oil pipeline]. They run up against it, and they have babies. - George Bush, 1988 and again "New York Times", 3 April 1989
The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
The chief product of an automated society is a widespread and deepening sense of boredom. - Cyril Parkinson
The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
The coast was clear.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The computing field is always in need of new cliches. Alan Perlis
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart. W.C. Fields
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to eat. John McNulty
The cow may be black, but the milk comes out white. -- Russian proverb
The crash of the whole solar and stellar systems could only kill you once. Thomas Carlyle
The cruelest lies are often told in silence. - Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque", 1881
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. Ellen Parr
The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment. - Robert Hutchins, "Great Books" 1954
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
The decision is maybe and that's final.
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. William James
The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.
The descent to Hades is the same from every place.
The dictatorship of the Communist Party is maintained by recourse to every form of violence. - Leon Trotsky, "Terrorism and Communism", 1924
The die is cast.
The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship. Robert Heinlein
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. - Woody Allen, quoted in "New York Tribune", 1975
The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
The disks are getting full; purge a file today.
The door is the key.
The duration of passion is proportionate with the original resistance of the woman. - Honoré de Balzac, "The Physiology of Marriage", 1829
The early worm gets the bird.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R. Buckminster Fuller
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
The end of the human race is that it will die of civilization. R.W. Emerson
The end of the world will occur at 3:00 p.m., this Friday, with symposium to follow.
The ends justify the means.
The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. G. B. Shaw
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. Anonymous
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one. George Bernard Shaw
The fact that it works is immaterial. L. Ogborn
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves. William Shakespeare
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. - Proverbs 1:7
The fewer clear facts you have in support of an opinion, the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion. - Anonymous
The Fifth Rule: You have taken yourself too seriously.
The final lesson of Viet Nam is that no great nation can long afford to be sundered by a memory. - George Bush, 1989 Inaugural Address
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. Abbie Hoffman
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman, "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!"
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. PAUL ERLICH
The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important. Milo Bloom
The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant. Richard Cecil
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
The following statement is not true:
The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions - which time and mediocrity can solve. - Hugh Trevor-Roper, "Men and Events"
The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
The future is bright in affairs of the heart.
The future is his who knows how to wait. -- Russian proverb
The future is like heaven - everyone exalts it, but no one wants to go there now. - James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name", 1961
The future is not what it used to be. (It never was.)
The future isn't all that bad. It's worse.
The future isn't what it used to be. It never was.
The future lies ahead.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES The one who has the gold makes the rules.
The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
The greatest task before civilization at present is to make machines what they ought to be, the slaves, instead of the masters of men. - Havelock Ellis, "Little Essays of Love and Virtue", 1922
The hand that kindles cannot quench the flame.
The harder you work, the luckier you get. Gary Player
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. Albert Einstein
The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the
The heart has its prisons that intelligence cannot unlock. - Marcel Jouhandeau, "De la grandeur"
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
The honeymoon is that short period of doting between dating and debting.
The horror! The horror! - Joseph Conrad, "Heart of Darkness", 1902
The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in time of great moral crises maintain their neutrality. - Dante
The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best". H. Allen Smith
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it. P. Medawar
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. - Mother Teresa, quoted in "Time", 4 December 1989
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is
The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.
The ignorant man always adores what he cannot understand. Cesare Lombroso
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. - Henry Kissinger
The illusion that times that were are better than those that are, has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley, "The American Conflict", 1864-1866
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. Albert Einstein
The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people. Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. - Winston Churchill
The ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Lao-Tsze
The Kennedy Constant: Don't get mad -- get even.
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
The last person who said that, God rest his soul, lived to regret it.
The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.
The Law of Raspberry Jam - The wider any culture is spread, the thinner it gets. - Alvin Toffler, "The Culture Consumers", 1964
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. Anatole France
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
The life that is unexamined is not worth living.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
The limits of my language means the limits of my world. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen
The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself. Henry Kissinger
The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. Alan Ashley-Pitt
The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
The man who has not anything to boast of but his illustrious ancestors is like a potato - the only good belonging to him is underground. Sir Thomas Overbury
The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. Woodrow Wilson
The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore. - Samuel Butler, "The Fair Haven", 1873
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.
The man who runs may fight again.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on. Jones' Law
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out. - Chinese proverb
The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a soda can, when discarded will last forever ... and a $7,000 car which when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. - Henry David Thoreau, "Walden", 1854
The measure of man is what he does with power. - Pittacus
The meek shall inherit the earth. They are too weak to refuse.
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. - John Kenneth Galbraith
The moon is made of green cheese.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. Lao Tsu
The more the merrier.
The more things change, the more they remain the same.
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
The more times you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. Andy Warhol
The most distressing thing that can happen to a prophet is to be proved wrong. The next most distressing thing is to be proved right. - Aldous Huxley, "Brave New World Revisited", 1956
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..." Isaac Asimov
The most harmful error has not yet been discovered in your program.
The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
The most important thing about Spaceship Earth - an instruction book didn't come with it. - R. Buckminster Fuller, quoted in "Contemporary Architects", 1980
The most important things to do in this world are to get something to eat, somthing to drink and somebody to love you. - Brendan Behan, in "Weekend", 1968
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. ALBERT EINSTEIN
The most popular labour saving device today is still a husband with money. Joey Adams
The most successful politician is he who says what everybody is thinking most often and in the loudest voice. Theodore Roosevelt
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
The nation that is richest in proverbs (Spain) is the one that has proved itself the least wise in action. Joseph Jacobs
The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says: Support your right to bare arms!
The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory, in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system. But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Matthew 5:37
The news is the one thing the networks can point to with pride. Everything else they do is crap - and they know it. - Fred Friendly, 1980
The next six days are dangerous.
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. Andrew S. Tanenbaum
The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. Dennis M. Ritchie
The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.
The obvious answer is always overlooked.
The Official MBA Handbook on business cards: Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the Realm, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of Corporate Planning."
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. - H. L. Mencken, "Prejudices, Third Series", 1922
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
The only accident [at Three Mile Island] is that this thing leaked out. You could have avoided this whole thing by not saying anything. - Craig Faust (control-room operator at TMI), 1979, quoted from "Loose Talk"
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance. - Socrates
The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop and take a rest.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
The only thing constant is change.
The only thing funnier than how things don't work out, is how they do.
The only thing that stops God sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless. Nicolas Chamfort
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. - Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1st Inaugural Address, 1933
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're done
The only useful data structure is the array.
The only way round is through. Robert Frost
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Oscar Wilde
The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up until 5 or 6 pm.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. NIELS BOHR
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. - James B. Cabell, "The Silver Stallion" 1926
The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it. - J. Robert Oppenheimer, "Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists" 1951
The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine
The other line moves faster.
The paper burns, but the words fly away. Ben Joseph Akiba
The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet. - Cyril Connolly, "Journal and Memoir" 1983
The pen is mightier than the pencil.
The people came to realize that wealth is not the fruit of labour but the result of organized protected robbery. Frantz Fanon
The people here [in Nicaragua] are amazingly friendly, when you figure we're here to overthrow their government. - Richard Melton, US Ambassador to Nicaragua
The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. Ogden Nash
The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum. - Havelock Ellis, "The Dance of Life", 1923
The plural of spouse is spice.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less. - Eldridge Cleaver, "Soul on Ice", 1968
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability. - John W. Hazard, "Changing Times" 1957
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. Glaser and Way
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. Elizabeth Taylor
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers. - R. W. Hamming, "Numerical Methods for Scientists and Engineers", 1973
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -but thats the way to bet. DAMON RUNYON
The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. - Ecclesiastes 9:11
The rain it raineth on the just And also on the unjust fella, But chiefly on the just, because The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
The reason that lovers never weary each other is because they are always talking about themselves. - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, "Maxims" 1665
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. George Bernard Shaw
The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one. - Albert Einstein
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. Mark Twain
The revolution will not be televised.
The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it. Ralph Waldo Emerson
The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift - is taxes. W. Feather
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
The right man, in the right place, at the right time - can steal millions. Gregory Nunn
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. - Hubert H. Humphrey, 1965
The ripest fruit falls first.
The road to Hades is easy to travel.
The road to hell is paved with NAND gates.
The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travelers pay the expense of it.
The Roman Rule The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to put the other somewhat higher. Thomas Huxley
The savage in man is never quite eradicated. - Henry David Thoreau, "Journal", 26 September 1859
The saying that beauty is but skin deep is but a skin deep saying. John Ruskin
The scalded cat fears even cold water. Thomas Fuller
The Schwine-Kitzenger Institute study of 47 men over the age of 100 showed that all had these things in common: 1. They all had moderate appetites. 2. They all came from middle class homes 3. All but two of them were dead.
The scientists split the atom; now the atom is splitting us. - Quentin Reynolds, in "Quote & Unquote", 1970
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. Jean Giraudoux
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Albert Einstein
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
The shortage will be divided among the poor. -- Russian proverb
The shortest distance between two points is under construction. Noelie Altito
The show ain't over 'till the fat lady sings.
The silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. Rudyard Kipling
The slower you drive, the farther you get. -- Russian proverb
The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
The smoker you drink, the player you get.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service. - Ralph Nader, "The Spoiled System"
The sports page records people's accomplishments; The front page nothing but their failures. - Supreme Court Justice Earl Warren
The star of riches is shining upon you.
The steady state of disks is full. Ken Thompson
The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe. - Frank Rizzo
The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone. - Henrik Ibsen, "An Enemy of the People", 1882
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. Erich Fromm
The sun and the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago... had they happened to be within the reach of predatory human hands. - Havelock Ellis, "The Dance of Life", 1923
The sun never sets on the British Empire because the British are scared of the dark.
The Swartzberg Test: The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. Fran Lebowitz
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The Third Law of Photography: If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.
The thoughtless are rarely wordless. Howard W. Newton
The three laws of thermodynamics: The First Law: You can't get anything without working for it. The Second Law: The most you can accomplish by working is to break even. The Third Law: You can only break even at absolute zero.
The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
The time is right to make new friends.
The time to stop a revolution is at the beginning, not the end. - Adlai Stevenson, 9 September 1952
The tough part of a Data Processing Manager's job is that certain what they don't want.
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat Ogden Nash.
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win you'r still a rat. Lily Tomlin
The true statesman is the one who is willing to take risks. - Charles de Gaulle, 1967
The true worth of a man is not to be found in man himself, but in the colours and textures that come alive in others. Albert Schweitzer
The truest wild beasts live in the most populous places. - Baltasar Gracian, "The Art of Worldly Wisdom" 1647
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile. Ogden Nash
The two great tragedies in life: not getting what one wants and getting it.
The two most beautiful words in the English language are: 'Cheque enclosed.' Dorothy Parker
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. Oscar Wilde
The ultimate goal of the educational system is to shift to the individual the burden of pursuing his education. John W. Gardner
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King, Jr.
THE ULTIMATE PRINCIPLE: By definition, when you are investigating the unknown - you do not know what you will find.
The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness, and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival. Aristotle
The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them... Whether you find satisfaction in life depends not on your tale of years, but on your will. - Michel Eyquem de Montaigne, 1580
The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
The Vice Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does. - Bill Vaughan
The victor belongs to the spoils. F. Scott Fitzgerald
The victor will never be asked if he told the truth. Adolf Hitler
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. - Fanny Fern, "Willis Parton"
The way to a man's heart is through his veins.
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. - Josh Billings, "The Kicker"
The whole point of this sentence is to make clear what the whole point of this sentence is. Douglas R Hofstadter
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it. - Reggie Jackson
The wind and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. Edward Gibbon
The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep. - Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening", 1923
The world began without man, and it will complete itself without him. - Claude Levi-Strauss, "Tristes Tropiques", 1955
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to be struck. Ralph Waldo Emerson
The world is an enormous injustice. - Jules Romains
The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
The world is divided into men who accomplish things and those who get all the credit. Proverb
The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. - Robertson Davies, "A Voice from the Attic", 1960
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. Robert Frost
The world isn't worse. It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
The world wants to be deceived.
The worst form of failure is the failure to try.
The writer is the engineer of the human soul. - Joseph Stalin
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
Then what is it worth, this mining industry? And why should it be kept alive, if it is only our poverty that keeps it alive? ... Is it we that must be kept poor so that others may stay rich? - Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
Then you must be Don Francisco's sister!
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back. - Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister, _Peopleware_, 1987
There are fortunes that mention the word 'umbrella' for no apparent reason.
There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual labor.
There are more horses' asses in this world than there are horses.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of ... in either.
There are more ways into the woods than out.
There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.
There are no atheists in the foxholes. - William Thomas Cummings, 1942
There are no giant crabs in here, Frank.
There are only two things a child will share willingly--communicable diseases and his mother's age. Benjamin Spock
There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone. - Gloria Steinem
There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both plants and animals. When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis; and when the lights go out, they turn into animals. But then again, don't we all?
There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. Robert Half
There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them. - Heisenberg -
There are those that say, and those that do. Andrew Campbell
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. Disraeli
There are three sides to every story - yours, mine, and all that lie between. Jody Kern
There are three ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself. 2. Hire someone to do it for you. 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
There are two cardinal sins from which all the others spring: impatience and laziness. - Franz Kafka
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet. Two clarinets.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. Henry Kissinger
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
There is a bear following you around.
There is a fly on your Dimension!
There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
There is a remedy for everything; it is called death. Portuguese Proverb
There is always an easier way to do it.
There is always one more bug.
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
There is always something new out of Africa.
There is always something to upset the most careful of human calculations. - Ihara Saikaku
There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
There is danger in delaying, good fortune in acting.
There is growing evidence that smoking has pharamacological ... effects that are of real value to smokers. - Joseph F. Cullman III (Pres. of Phillip Morris) Annual Report to Stockholders, 1962
There is life after death: in Cleveland, people are still allowed to vote.
There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
There is news.
There is no "A" in "KERNEL"!
There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk.
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. Mark Twain
There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion. Francis Bacon
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
There is no force so powerful as an idea whose time has come. Everett Dirkson
There is no great genius without some touch of madness. - Seneca, "On Tranquility of the Mind"
There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften.
There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
There is no proverb that is not true. -- Cervantes
There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. - Kenneth H. Olson, President of DEC, Convention of the World Future Society, 1977
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
There is no royal road to geometry.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it G. B. Shaw
There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity. - General Douglas MacArthur, 1955
There is no sin but ignorance. -- Christopher Marlowe
There is no sin except stupidity. - Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist", 1891
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
There is no substitute for hard work. - Thomas Alva Edison, "Life", 1932
There is no such thing as a little garlic.
There is no such thing as a nonracial society in a multiracial country. - F. W. de Klerk, President of South Africa, quoted in _Time_, 11 September 1989
There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court. - Clarence Darrow, Interview, April 1936
There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
There is no time like the pleasant. George Bergman
There is no time like the present to postpone what you ought to be doing.
There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. - Will Rogers
There is nothing I'm afraid of like scared people. Robert Frost
There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy. - Swift
There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.
There is nothing permanent except change. - Heraclitus
There is nothing so easy that it becomes difficult when done with reluctance.
There is nothing so fatal to character as half-finished tasks. David Lloyd George
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. Peter F. Drucker
There is nothing that a good defense cannot beat a better offense. In other words, a good offense wins. - J. Danforth Quayle, on "Star Wars", quoted in "Time", 19 September 1988
There is nothing women hate so much as to see men selfishly enjoying themselves without the solace of feminine society. Katharine Tynan Hinkson
There is only one success, to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Oscar Wilde
There is only one way to kill capitalism--by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. Mark Twain
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us.
There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. R.W. Emerson
There never was a good war or a bad peace.
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker. Charles M. Schulz
There's a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me. John Erskine
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad its not a fence.
There's a lot to be said for being noveau riche, and the Reagans mean to say it all. - Gore Vidal, in "The Observer", 1981
There's always an easy solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong. - H. L. Mencken
There's an Italian in my room and he won't go away!
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
There's never time to do the job right, so we must find time to do it again.
There's no future in time travel.
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. Dr. Who
There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. Will Rogers
There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos. - Jim Hightower, in "Time", 3 April 1989
There's nothing wrong with growing older, but where does it lead?
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. Clint Eastwood
There's small choice in rotten apples.
There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. Lily Tomlin
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
They also surf who only stand on waves.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--- - General John B. Sedgwick, last words, 1864
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
They just buzzed and buzzed.....buzzed.
They say a reasonable amount o' fleas is good for a dog -- keeps him from broodin' over bein' a dog mebbe. Edward Noyes Westcott
They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
They talk most who have the least to say. Matthew Prior
They that govern the most make the least noise. - John Seldon, 1689
They told me it would disrupt my life less if I got killed sooner. Joseph Heller
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Things are not always what they seem.
Things past redress and now with me past care.
Things will be brighter tonight. A cop will shine a light in your face.
Things won't get any better, so get used to it.
Things work better when plugged in.
Think honk if you're a telepath.
Think much, Speak little, Write less.
Think of your family tonight. Try to crawl home after the computer crashes.
Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Thirty days hath November, April, June, and September, February hath twenty-eight alone, And all the rest have thirty-one. - Richard Grafton, 1562
This afternoon is favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.
This ain't no party! This ain't no disco! This ain't no foolin' around!
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers
This fortune every third, but it still comprehensible.
This fortune intentionally left blank.
This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
This fortune is owned and operated by Frobazz Magic Co., Ltd.
This fortune will not come true.
This is a good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
This is a good time to punt work.
this is an empty line
This is the day for firm decisions! Or is it?
This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper. - T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men", 1925
This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go.
This line from Shakespeare has delusions of grandeur. Douglas R Hofstadter
This login session: $13.99
This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
This organization (the United Nations) is created to prevent you from going to hell. It isn't created to take you to heaven. Henry Cabot Lodge
This place has everything.
This portion of UTS II is a trade secret of Amdahl Corporation.
This program does not perform any I/O operations.
This screen intentionally left blank.
This sentance has threee errors.
This sentence contains ten words, eighteen syllables, and sixty-four letters.
This sentence no verb.
This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
This time I'm going to get that cwwwwazzy error.
This unit ... must ... survive.
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
Thoreau's Law: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. - Groucho Marx
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, program.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, hack.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. -- Aristotle
Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. John F. Kennedy
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything. - Alex Hamilton, "The Listener", 1978
Those who talk, don't know. Those who don't talk, know.
Those whom God wishes to destroy, he first makes mad. Euripides
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
Thou shall not sleep within an interrupt handler.
Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't. -- William Shakespeare
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. - Mark Twain, Correspondence, 1908
Time as he grows old teaches all things.
Time flies like arrow; fruit flies like banana.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time for lunch!
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. - Hector Berlioz, "Almanach des lettres françaises"
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. GRAFFITI
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
Time is flying never to return. - Vergil
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
Time is the great legalizer, even in the field of morals. - H. L. Mencken, "A Book of Prefaces", 1917
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
Time is the only critic without ambition. - John Steinbeck, "Writers at Work', 1977
Time: That which man is always trying to kill, but which ends in killing him. Herbert Spencer
To add insult to injury.
To attack a man for talking nonsense is like finding your mortal enemy drowning in a swamp and jumping in after him with a knife. Karl Popper
To be great is to be misunderstood.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
To be loved, be lovable. - Ovid, "Ars Amatoria"
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target.
To be wise, the only thing you need to know is when to say "I don't know."
To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job. Simone de Beauvoir
To climb the ladder of success you must get through the crowd at the bottom.
To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Journal", 20 December 1822
TO DO IS TO BE Socrates TO BE IS TO DO Sartre DO BE DO BE DO Sinatra
To do nothing is also a good remedy. Hippocrates
To do nothing is to be nothing.
To do two things at once is to do neither.
To each his own and to you so long.
To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer. - Paul Ehrlich, in "The Farmers Almanac, 1978"
To err is human, to forgive is out of the question.
To escape criticism -- do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. Elbert Hubbard
To fall into a habit is to begin to cease to be. - Miguel de Unamuno, "The Tragic Sense of Life", 1913
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
To give up the task of reforming society is to give up one's responsibility as a free man. - Alan Paton, 1967
To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure.
To have died once is enough.
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. Thomas Edison
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
To keep your friends, treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
To know thyself is the ultimate form of aggression.
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
To lose Is to learn. Anon.
To love is good, love being difficult.
To reform a man, you must begin with his grandmother. Victor Hugo
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
To seek permission is to seek denial. - Steve Jobs
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. Warren's Rule
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
To teach is to learn. Japanese Proverb
To the landlord belong the doorknobs.
To think contrary to one's era is heroism. But to speak against it is madness. - Eugene Ionesco
To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
To use violence is to already be defeated.
Today is a bad day to give to charity.
Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
Tolerance means excusing the mistakes others make. Tact means not noticing them. - Arthur Schnitzler
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Too clever is dumb. -- Ogden Nash
Too many cookies will make you fat!!!
Too much of a good thing is wonderful. Mae West
Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more!
Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
Treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.
Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
Trouble is only an opportunity in work clothes. Henry J. Kaiser
True happiness will be found only in true love.
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. Henrik Tikkanen
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel anyway.
Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to open the way to the next better one. Konrad Lorenz
Truth is a river that is always splitting up into arms that reunite. Islanded between the arms the inhabitants argue for a lifetime as to which is the main river. - Cyril Connolly, "The Unquiet Grave" 1945
Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
Truth is with the victor - who, as you know, also controls the historians. Rolf Hochhuth
Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
Truthful, adj.: Dumb and illiterate. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
Try "stty 0" -- it works much better.
Try a new system or a different approach.
Try later.
Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational. Charles Schulz
Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good.
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.
Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly.
Trying to establish voice contact--please yell into keyboard.
Trying to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from a fire hose.
Tuck under thumb and hold firmly.
Turn the other cheek. -- Jesus Christ
Turnaucka's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
Tussman's Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes. Frank Lloyd Wright
Two heads are better than one.
Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane.
Two wrongs are only the beginning. tried. your principles.
UFO Warning: Unidentified Files Occuring on hdisk 0
UFO's are real. The Air Force doesn't exist.
Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity. R. I. Fitzhenry
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb: Never use your thumb for a rule. You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison. - Henry David Thoreau
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked. ROBERT D SPRECHT (RAND CORP)
Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true. - Polish proverb
Under every stone lurks a politician.
Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics: Superiority is recessive.
Undetectable errors are infinite; detectable errors by definition are finite.
Universal suffrage is the government of a house by its nursery. - Otto von Bismarck
UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible.
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
Unrecognized faults lead to wasted efforts - Joanot Martorell, "Tirant lo Blanc", 1490
Unusual cheeses.
Up your accumulator.
Use debugging compilers.
Use free-form input where possible.
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
Use IF...ELSE IF...ELSE IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
Use your own judgement then do as I say
User n.: A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale across the beach.
Vail's Second Axiom: The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.
Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Velilind's Laws of Experimentation: 1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once. 2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Verily, when the day of judgment comes, we shall not be asked what we have read, but what we have done. Thomas A. Kempis
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
Vini, vidi, vici.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Salvor Hardin
Vique's Law: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.
Virtue is its own punishment.
Virtue, perhaps, is nothing more than politeness of soul. Honore de Balzac
Visit beautiful Vergas, Minnesota.
Visit beautiful Wisconsin Dells.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Volcano - a mountain with hiccups.
Vote Anarchist.
Vote early and vote often. - Anonymous, on US election banners, 1850's
Voters do not decide issues. They decide *who* will decide issues. - George F. Will, in "Newsweek", 1976
Voters quickly forget what a man says. - Richard Nixon
Wag your tongue as much as you please, but don't wave your gun. -- Russian proverb
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.
Walk softly but carry a big stick.
War hath no fury like a non-combatant. C.E. Montague
War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it. - Desiderius Erasmus
War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military. - Georges Clemenceau
War is the last refuge of incompetent statesmen.
War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.
War will cease when men refuse to fight. - Fridtjof Hansen
Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
Was it a car or a cat I saw?
Wash a pig as much as you like, it'll go right back into the mud puddle. -- Russian proverb
Washington is a ciy of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. - John F. Kennedy
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
Watch out for off-by-one errors.
Watch out where the Huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow!
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. George S. Patton
Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.
Watson! Come here! I need you!
Watson's Law: The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.
We always love those who admire us, but we do not always love those whom we admire. Duc de La Rochefoucauld
We always might win ... because the others might lose.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde, "Lady Windermere's Fan", 1892
We are all related: the same sun dries our rags. -- Russian proverb
We are all special cases. Albert Camus
We are always the same age inside.
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. Pogo
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves. Johann von Goethe
We are not a clone.
We are not abandoning our convictions, our philosophy or traditions, nor do we urge anyone to abandon theirs. - Mikhail Gorbachev, UN address, 7 December 1988
We are not alone.
We are still speaking the same language, but neither of us is hearing the other. - Hafez Assad, on Syrian relations with Egypt, in "Time", 3 April 1989
We are the knights who say, "NIE!"
We are what we pretend to be. - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
We believe that to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics. - Hubert H. Humphrey
We can be knowledgeable with other men's knowledge, but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom. Michel de Montaigne
We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved.
We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. - Will Rogers
We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
We cannot unthink unless we are insane. Arthur Koestler
We compound our suffering by victimising each other. - Athol Fugard, in "The Observer", 1971
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
We die only once, and for such a long time. Moliere
We do not talk - we bludgeon one another with facts and theories gleaned from cursory readings of newspapers, magazines and digests. Henry Miller
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
We have got to get organized!
We have met the enemy, and he is us. Walt Kelly
We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world - or to make it the last. John F. Kennedy
We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them. Abigail Adams
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. - Epictetus
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have done. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
We love your adherence to democratic principles. - George Bush speaking to Ferdinand Marcos, June 1981
We make war that we may live in peace. - Aristotle
We may be alone. We may not be alone. Either way, the thought is staggering.
We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement.
We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking.
We need excellence in public education and if the teachers can't do it, we'll send in a couple of policemen. - Frank Rizzo, Philadelphia Bulletin, Oct 19, 1973
We never know whether we are victors or whether we are defeated. - Jorge Luis Borges, "Borges On Writing", 1974
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves rather than not speak of ourselves at all.
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller
We triumph without glory when we conquer without danger. Pierre Corneille
We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
We wish to attract praise to ourselves even as we seem to be praising others. Duc de La Rochefoucauld
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified. - Aesop
We'll be back to Nick Danger after this message.
We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu.
We're all bozos on this bus.
We're all over it, like a cheap suit.
We've already established what you are, ma'am. Now we're just haggling over the price. - George Bernard Shaw
We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it. Andy Rooney
Wealth buys leisure, but not wisdom.
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
Weed - a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered. R.W. Emerson
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Weinberg's First Law: Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
Welcome to the Future! It's just starting now ...
Welcome to The Machine.
Well begun is half done.
Well I know where she come from but I don't know what's her name
Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken!
Westheimer's Discovery: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
Whadda ya mean, "we"?
Whadda ya want for nothin'? Rubber biscuit?
Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay?
What a friend we have in cheeses.
What a waste it is to lose one's mind or not to have a mind. How true it is. - J. Danforth Quayle, addressing the United Negro College Fund, quoted in "Time", 26 June 1989
What attracts us in a woman rarely binds us to her. J.C. Collins
What broke in a man when he could bring himself to kill another? - Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1958
What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
What does not destroy me, makes me strong. Friedrich Nietzsche
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?
What good is honor on an empty stomach? -- Russian proverb
What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.
What I tell you three times is true.
What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. - Aristotle
What is a magician but a practising theorist? Obi-Wan Kenobi
What is an adult? A child blown up by age. - Simone de Beauvoir, "La Femme rompue", 1967
What is defeat? Nothing but education, nothing but the first step toward something better. Wendell Phillips
What is food to one, it to others bitter poison.
What is Life? It's the cereal Mikey likes.
What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story. And the greatest good is little enough: for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams. - Pedro Calderon de la Barca, "Life is a Dream"
What is the difference between a Turing machine and the modern computer? It's the same as that between Hillary's ascent of Everest and the establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
What is wanted is not the will-to-believe, but the wish-to-find-out, which are exact opposites.
What is worth doing is worth doing for money.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. Samuel Johnson
What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself. Abraham Lincoln
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
What luck for the rulers that men do not think. - Adolf Hitler
What makes old age so sad is not that our joys but our hopes cease. Jean Paul Richter
What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing to compare it with.
What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
What passes for optimism is most often the effect of intellectual error. Raymond Aron
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
What soon grows old? Gratitude.
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five cent bagel.
What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
What we call "morals" is simply blind obedience to words of command. - Havelock Ellis, "The Dance of Life", 1923
What we learn from history is that we do not learn from history.
What worth has beauty if it be not seen? Proverb
What you can not avoid, Welcome.
What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. Confucius
What you don't know can't hurt you.
What you need is love potion #9.
What's all this brouhaha?
What's done to children, they will do to society.
What's not worth doing is not worth doing well. Don Hebb
What's so funny?
What's the difference between a duck?
Whatever became of eternal truth?
Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.
Whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland.
Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him, that's where the money is. Robespierre
When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money. Kin Hubbard
When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
When a hammer is the only tool, every problem looks like a nail.
When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one. Friedrich Nietzsche
When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property. -- Thomas Jefferson
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere. Robert Heinlein
When a woman behaves like a man why doesn't she behave like a nice man. Dame Edith Evans
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When all other means of communication fail, try words.
When an idea is wanting a word can always be found to take its place. J.W. von Goethe
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before. MAE WEST
When choosing between two evils, always try the one you have never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before. - Mae West, in "Klondike Annie" 1936
When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask? Well, last year, I think it was a Tuesday.
When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them.
When I am right nobody remembers... When I am wrong nobody forgets!
When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me. Anon.
When I find true wisdom, I'll let you know, (if letting you know still seems important.)
When I rest, I rust.
When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality. - Al Capone
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. - Clarence Darrow
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. - Mark Twain
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen
When I'm good, I'm very good; but when I'm bad, I'm better.
When in charge, ponder; when in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate.
When in doubt, follow your heart.
When in doubt, lead trump.
When in doubt, leave out the adjective.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder.
When in doubt, take all the defaults.
When in doubt, use brute force. Ken Thompson
When inlaws are outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
When it is dark enough you can see the stars. R.W. Emerson
When it rains, it pours.
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
When men grow virtuous in their old age, they only make a sacrifice to God of the devil's leavings. Jonathan Swift
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. Calvin Coolidge
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
When one does not know what to say, it is a time to be silent.
When policy fails try thinking. American Business Maxim
When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible.
When saving for old age, be sure to put away a few pleasant thoughts. Proverb
When smashing monuments, save the pedestals - they always come in handy. Stanislaw Lec
When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion. Ethiopian proverb
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.
When the government bureau's remedies do not match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
When the lay public rallies round to an idea that is denounced by distinguised but elderly scientists and supports the idea with great fervour and emotion, the distinguised but elderly scientists are then, after all, right. Isaac Asimov
When the plane you're on is late, the plane you need to transfer to is on time.
When the president does it, that means it is not illegal. - Richard Nixon, in interview with David Frost, 19 May 1977
When the rich make war it's the poor that die. - Jean-Paul Sartre, "Le Diable et le bon Dieu", 1951
When the sheath is broken, you can't hide the sword. -- Russian proverb
When the sun shineth, make hay.
When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. Thomas Paine
When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see persons of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves. - Confucius
When we write programs that "learn," it turns out that we do and they don't.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. H.L. Mencken
When working a problem, it helps to know the answer.
When you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
When you are used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized.
When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own.
When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.
When you finally discover all of Life's answers, they'll change the questions.
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
When you have nothing to say, say nothing. Charles Caleb Colton
When you jump for joy, beware that no-one moves the ground from beneath your feet. Stanislaw Lec
When you live close to the graveyard, you can't weep for every funeral. -- Russian proverb
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
When you mention something, if it's bad, it happens, if it's good, it goes away
When you read a classic you do not see in the book more than you did before. You see more in you than there was before. - Clifton Fadiman, "Any Number Can Play", 1957
When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research. Wilson Mizner
When you win, nothing hurts. Joe Namath
When you're in command, command.
When your only tool is a hammer, you tend to treat everything you find like a nail.
Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". Dave Parnas
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. A. Lincoln
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. Oscar Wilde
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. Mark Twain
Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship. - Harry S. Truman, 1959
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Where all men think alike, no one thinks very much. Walter Lippmann
Where are we?
Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. John Kenneth Galbraith
Where the hell is /usr/hippo?
Where the hell is Omak?
Where the hell is Wall Drug?
Where there's a whip there's a way.
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
Where's the beef?
Which is not a complete sentence, but merely a subordinate clause.
While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.
While doubt stands still, confidence can erect a skyscraper. George Lorimer
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their correctness never does.
While there's life, there's hope.
While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very reassuring to know that it's still there.
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Whistler's Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
Who are you?
Who cares anyway?
Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past. - George Orwell, "1984", 1948
Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.
Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.
Who is John Galt?
Who is W. O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed. A. E. Housman
Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
Who reformatted the root disk?
Who to himself is law no law doth need, offends no law, and is a king indeed.
Who was Steve Saperstein?
Who will protect the public when the police violate the law? - Ramsey Clark
Who's scruffy looking?
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
Whoops, I formatted the root disk.
Whoops, stepped on a frog.
Why are there no black M&M's?
Why are there no pink M&M's?
Why are there no purple M&M's?
Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility with?
Why do we study poverty instead of wealth?
Why do you have so much quickness of movement if not to avoid responsibility?
Why do you think they call it "find"?
Why does love got to be so sad?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? Lily Tomlin
Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?
Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity? - Ronald Reagan
Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Will had a fortune the other day, but he forgot it.
Williams and Holland's Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
Willpower is the ability to eat one salted peanut. Anon
Winning is not everything. It's the only thing. - Vince Lombardi, 1965
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
Wisdom is knowing what to do next.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
Wisdom is knowing when you cannot be wise. Anon
Wise man see more from bottom of well than fool from mountain top.
Wise people think all they say; fools say all they think. Anon
Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.
Wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
Wit is cultured insolence. Aristotle
Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food. William Hazlitt
Wit sometimes enables us to act rudely with impunity. Duc de La Rochefoucauld
Wit: The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery ... by leaving it out. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
With a rubber duck, one's never alone. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Within a computer, natural language is unnatural.
Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.
Without feeling there's no reason to live. - André Kertész, photographer, 1894-1985
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
Without tools there would be no wisdom.
Woman's virtue is man's greatest invention. Cornelia Otis Skinner
Women and elephants never forget an injury. - Saki, "Reginald", 1904
Women are nothing but machines for producing children. - Napolean, quoted in "The Book of Insults", 1978
Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size. - Virginia Woolf, "A Room of One's Own", 1929
Women like silent men. They think they're listening. Marcel Archard
Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher, and philosophy begins in wonder. Socrates
WONDERFUL! You have some of my favourite problems.
Words are the voice of the heart.
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind. Rudyard Kipling
Words divide us, action unites us. - Slogan of the Tupamaros
Words have a longer life than deeds.
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. Steve Rubenstein
Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see.
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?
Wow! I could've had a V/8!
Write all adverbial forms correct.
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. Jules Renard
X-rated movies are all alike...the only thing they leave to the imagination is the plot.
Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Yankee, n: In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See DAMYANK.) - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet.
Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
Yes, but which self do you want to be?
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. Snoopy
Yesterday is a memory. Tomorrow is a vision. Today is a bitch.
Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
You always find something in the last place you look, unless it's not there.
You are a bundle of energy always on the go.
You are a singer who has to take any note above A with your eyebrows.
You are a very redundant person; that's what kind of person you are, redundant.
You are always busy.
You are an insult to my intelligence! I demand that you log off immediately.
You are being paged.
You are being swapped.
You are being watched. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You are capable of planning your future.
You are clever, but it comes slowly -- all the way from the back of your head. -- Russian proverb
You are confident of things you know nothing about.
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
You are fair-minded, just and loving.
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
You are fast approaching your level of incompetence.
You are going to have a new love affair.
You are in a maze of twisty little programs, all alike.
You are in a twisting maze of little passages, all different.
You are lustworthy.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery.
You are so narrowminded you can see through a keyhole with two eyes.
You are standing on my toes.
You are taking advantage of the good nature of a friend. Be careful.
You are taking yourself too seriously.
You are too narrowminded if you can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty.
You are truly a rhinestone in the rough.
You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
You are unscrupulously dishonest, false, and deceitful.
You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
You asked for it, you got it.
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
You auto buy now.
You can be replaced by a machine that flushes.
You can be replaced by this computer.
You can cage a swallow, can't you, but you can't swallow a cage, can you?
You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. - Eric Hoffer, in "The Faber Book of Aphorisms", 1964
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than you can with only a kind word.
You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. - Abraham Lincoln
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. - James Thurber, "The Thurber Carnival", 1945
You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. Bumper Sticker
You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. - Al Capone
You can lead a horticulture, but you cannot make her think.
You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN. Alan Perlis
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
You can outdistance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you. - Rwandan proverb
You can take all the impact that science considerations have on funding decisions at NASA, put them in the navel of a flea, and have room left over for a caraway seed and Tony Calio's heart. F. Allen
You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers. Steven Feiner
You can't antagonize and influence at the same time.
You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
You can't change the laws of physics, Captain; I've got to have thirty minutes.
You can't cheat the phone company.
You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up. -- Richard Nixon [1952]
You can't drive straight on a twisting road. -- Russian proverb
You can't even cut the cheese.
You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine. - Flip Wilson, 1971
You can't fool me--there ain't no sanity clause.
You can't get there from here.
You can't get to Heaven on roller skates.
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly--only sooner than she thought you would.
You can't pick a mushroom without bowing. -- Russian proverb
You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now. Lauren Bacall
You can't underestimate the power of fear. TRICIA NIXON
You can't win, you can't break even, and you can't get out of the game.
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must forge one for yourself. James Froude.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
You cannot see farther than others by standing on the feet of giants.
You cannot see the wood for the trees.
You cannot succeed by criticizing others.
You cannot use your friends and have them too.
You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first and last month in advance.
You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt. Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
You dialed 5483.
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one. - Edward Keating
You do not have mail.
You do well in speculation where land or anything to do with earth is involved.
You don't give a damn about apathy.
You don't have to explain something you never said. - Calvin Coolidge -
You don't have to rehearse to be yourself.
You don't know what you want, and are willing to go through hell to get it.
You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
You don't tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive. - Margaret Thatcher, 1976
You don't usually see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
You don't want to know what I know.
You dream of things that aren't and ask "why not?".
You enjoy the company of other people.
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
You fill a much-needed gap.
You get the most of what you need the least.
You get what you pay for.
You hate mail.
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
You have a frog in your pocket?
You have a massage. (From the Swedish prime minister.)
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
You have a truly strong individuality.
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
You have an important role as a negative example.
You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You have been swapped out.
You have fallen so far behind, there is no reason to log in.
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
You have hate mail.
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
You have mail.
You have many friends and very few living enemies.
You have no real enemies.
You have not converted a man because you have silenced him. John Viscount Morley
You have only a very small head and must live within it.
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
You haven't a single redeeming vice.
You humans are all alike.
You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.
You know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
You look marvelous.
You look tired.
You love peace.
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
You may already be a wiener!
You may be a lover but you aint no dancer!
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.
You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. Alfred Kahn
You may now log in to life. Password:
You mean I can put stuff past column 72? WOW! UNIX is great!
You might have mail.
You need not worry about your future.
You never find an article until you replace it.
You never get a hangover from other people's vodka. -- Russian proverb
You never have mail.
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never want the one you can afford.
You now have Asian Flu.
You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company. J. Wellington Wells
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
You say that now, but try chewing a child the next time you're car sick.
You say things with your eyes that others waste time putting into words.
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad, "Lord Jim", 1900
You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
You should go home.
You should hardly ever equivocate.
You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. Henrick Ibson
You should use contraceptives at every conceivable occasion.
You shouldn't touch a pig unless it hasn't been in the mud.
You still need the last file you removed.
You tread upon my patience.
You used to be indecisive. Now you're not sure.
You want a fortune? I'll give you a fortune. "Blech!"
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
You will be awarded some great honor.
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize--posthumously.
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
You will be invited to dine with many important people. Once.
You will be married within a year.
You will be misunderstood by everyone.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
You will be squirrely today.
You will be successful in love.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
You will be surrounded by luxury.
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
You will be where you most desire to be in a short while.
You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
You will die of terminal acne.
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
You will find what is not lost and enter where there are no doors.
You will forget that you ever knew me.
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
You will gain money by an illegal or immoral action.
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
You will have a flat tire before the end of the month.
You will have a head crash on your private pack.
You will have a long and boring life.
You will have a long and healthy life.
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
You will have long and healthy life.
You will have many recoverable tape errors.
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
You will inherit millions of dollars.
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
You will know happy motorcyclist by the bug stains on his teeth.
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
You will live by the side of the road and help some pilgrim along life's way.
You will live to see your grandchildren.
You will lose an important file.
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
You will never know hunger.
You will not be elected to public office this year.
You will outgrow your usefulness.
You will outlive those who seek to destroy you.
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
You will pass away very quickly.
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
You will receive a legacy that will place you above want.
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
You will soon forget this.
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
You will soon meet a stranger who will become your friend.
You will soon meet a strangler who will become your fiend.
You will spend the rest of your life in the future.
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
You will survive the conflagration.
You will triumph over your enemy.
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
You will wish you hadn't.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
You'll be sent to Siberia to count the birches. -- Russian proverb
You'll be sorry.
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.
You're all over it, like a cheap suit.
You're at the end of the road again.
You're at Witt's End.
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You're either part of the solution or part of the problem. - Eldridge Cleaver, 1968
You're my hero!
You're never alone with schizophrenia. - Anonymous
You're never too old to become younger. Mae West
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Dean Martin
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.
Your aim is high and to the right.
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
Your aims are high, and you are incapable of much.
Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you.
Your business will assume vast proportions.
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
Your code should be more efficient!
Your computer account is overdrawn. Please reauthorize.
Your computer has been highjacked.
Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
Your disk will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
Your enemies are closing in.
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
Your kindness and generosity cause envy in a powerful person nearby.
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
Your logic was impeccable, captain. We are in grave danger.
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
Your love life will be interesting.
Your lover will never wish to leave you.
Your lucky number has been disconnected.
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. Samuel Johnson
Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
Your mode of life will be changed to 0644.
Your mode of life will be changed to ASCII.
Your mode of life will be changed to EBCDIC.
Your most useful program will be continually improved until it is useless.
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
Your not knowing a mans purpose does not mean he is confused.
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
Your present plans will be successful.
Your President is no crook! - Richard Nixon
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
Your resume will be used on the "Tonight Show" monologue.
Your salary will be increased.
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
Your step will soil many countries.
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
Your winning smile is your greatest asset.
Your work is very poor, but at least it's slow.
Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret. - Benjamin Disraeli, "Coningsby" 1844
Youth is a period of missed opportunities. - Cyril Connolly, "Journal and Memoir" 1983
Youth is not a time of life, it's a state of mind.
Youth is the trustee of posterity.
Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents; maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints: Nobody notices when things go right.
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. E. Esar
Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad. William Shakespeare, "King John"
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor: People are always available for work in the past tense.
