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1993-12-06
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Bad Taste Cookies (DOS and OS/2 version 1)
------------------------------------------
If you kinda like the small wise sayings which appears on your UNIX
terminal when you log in, or when you type cookie at the prompt, and
really enjoys it when you use the -o parameter, then this program is
for you!
This is a collection of _really_ offending jokes. One joke is
displayed in a color of your selection each time the program is run,
making it suitable to include as the last line in your login script or
your AUTOEXEC.BAT. Is there any better start of a new working day than
a really tasteless joke?
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS:
OS/2 version 2.0 or better. Tested on version 2.1.
DOS probably all versions. Tested on MS-DOS versions 3.3, 4.01,
5.0, 6.0 and 6.2 and PC-DOS versions 2.0, 3.0 and 6.1.
(Hey, I run all these DOS versions on a single OS/2 computer!
OS/2 _IS_ amazing...) If you want the joke displayed in color
you must have added ANSI compatibility (ANSI.SYS).
INSTALLATION:
Copy the file BTCOOKIE.EXE to a directory listed in your PATH. DOS
users should use the file in the DOS subdirectory, and OS/2 users the
file in the OS2 subdirectory.
DOS: To make the program run each time you boot your machine (Pretty
often during a DOS users day, huh?): Include BTCOOKIE as the last line
in the file AUTOEXEC.BAT on your boot drive.
OS/2: To make the program run each time you open an OS/2 session:
If you are using JP Soft's excellent command processor replacement
4OS2, you could make a file 4START.CMD in your 4OS2 directory
containing the line: BTCOOKIE.
If you use the standard CMD.EXE delivered with the 2.x package, you
have 2 possibilities:
1. Get 4OS2. It is definitely worth the money.
2. Open the settings book on the OS/2 session by right clicking on
the icon. Select the Program page. Add /k btcookie.exe on the
Parameters line. Close the book. That's it!
VALID PARAMETERS: BTCookie [c] Where c is a color value between
1 and 15.
The color values are mapped in this way (Standard DOS colors):
Dark Gray 8
Blue 1 Bright Blue 9
Green 2 Bright Green 10
Cyan 3 Bright Cyan 11
Red 4 Bright Red 12
Magenta 5 Bright Magenta 13
Brown 6 Yellow 14
Light Gray 7 White 15
Your terminal must be capable of understanding ANSI escape sequences to
be able to use this option. On OS/2 systems this is nothing to worry
about, since all text sessions supports ANSI. But if you are one of the
poor guys who still are running p(l)ain DOS, you must be shure that the
driver ANSI.SYS is loaded somewhere in CONFIG.SYS.
This is the final version of the program (I think). I have used it for some
time, and I'm quite happy with it. But if you have any suggestion,
maybe how to make the program more usable to others, come on, send me a
mail!
Especially welcome is a tip on how to implement a good random
generator for huge integers!
If you think it is usable as it is, please send me a mail. That will convince
me that I did not write all this documentation for nobody ...
The 214 jokes included in this program are selected from:
TRULY TASTELESS JOKES by Blanche Knott
published by Ballantine Books, New York.
Copyright (c) 1982 by Blanche Knott.
A big applause to her (him?).
THIS SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES,
INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND
FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE ARE DISCLAIMED. IN NO EVENT SHALL I
BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY, OR
CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES (INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, PROCUREMENT OF
SUBSTITUTE GOODS OR SERVICES; LOSS OF USE, DATA, OR PROFITS; OR BUSINESS
INTERRUPTION) HOWEVER CAUSED AND ON ANY THEORY OF LIABILITY, WHETHER IN
CONTRACT, STRICT LIABILITY, OR TORT (INCLUDING NEGLIGENCE OR OTHERWISE)
ARISING IN ANY WAY OUT OF THE USE OF THIS SOFTWARE, EVEN IF ADVISED OF THE
POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.
Ketil Kintel
Computer Science, Rogaland University Centre, Norway
EMAIL: kintel@gribb.hsr.no - kintel@hsr.no
PGP 2.3 public key available on request.
If anyone wonders what this PGP stuff is all about (and all the strange
looking .ASC files lying around) I can tell you this:
PGP (Pretty Good Privacy) is Phil Zimmermann's excellent RSA
public-key encryption freeware for MSDOS, OS/2,, UNIX, WIN-NT, MAC,
AMIGA, among others, which protects E-mail and lets you communicate
securely with people you've never met, with no secure channels needed
for prior exchange of keys.
It is well featured and fast! Has got excellent user documentation.
PGP has sophisticated key management, an RSA/conventional hybrid
encryption scheme, message digests for digital signatures, data
compression before encryption, and good ergonomic design. Source
code is free.