modiromppu/modiromppu.iso/DEMOS/5C_TW.ZIP/WIN.NFO

Text File | 1996-11-28 | 6KB | 209 lines

                             - Five Coders -

                            'Textmode windows'

                   6th place at Text Mode Demo Competition

                                  PPro
                                 GUS/SB
                                   VGA














                  Dont take this life too seriously.






















                          Go see the demo


                               Code Beta
                             Music sid2wav.

                       Adnmod 0.97 - Pmode/W 1.21

                 reve+tyrant+lego+beta+penguin = 5*coders

             whq   : Codex              [phone] node1
                                        [phone] node2
             dists : Downtown           [phone]
                     Retard Process     [phone]-22 fin.
                      + all our foreign dist...

                                     *

                          [e-mail]
               [e-mail] eller [e-mail]
                            [e-mail]

                                     *

                Reve,Tyrant,Pysko,Nitro,Tonic,Tremor,Sebamed,
           Prob.,_KIMBLE_,Penguin,Faith,Lego,Sol and Wogin kissat.

                  A-men,Dubius,Fit,Mooze,Taste,Recreation,
                tAAt,Fobia Design,sYmptom,TDC,oxylon,DCC,AfS


/* Here's the source for this demo :) */
#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version

void main()
{
  if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
  {
    if (there_are_still_bugs)
      market(bugfix);
    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
      raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
  }
  while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
  {
    make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
                                                   lie.h */
    if (rumours_grow_wilder)
      make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
    if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
    {
      market_time = ripe;
      say("It will be ready in one month");
      order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
      order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
      order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
      vapourware = TRUE;
      break;
     }
  }
  switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
  {
     case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
       say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
       break;
     case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
       say("Yes it will work");
       ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
       pretend(there_is_no_problem);
       break;
     case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
       say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
           " the 32 bits architecture");
       inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
       inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
             "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
       inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
       get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
       break;
     case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
       say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
            everyone");
       register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
       when(time_is_ripe)
       {
        arrest(journalist);
        brainwash(journalist);
         when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
       {
        arrest(journalist);
        brainwash(journalist);
         when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
        {
           order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
           release (journalist);
         }
       }
       break;
   }
   while (vapourware)
   {
     introduction_date++; /* Delay */
     if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
       break;
     say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
  }
  release(beta_version)
  while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
  {
    bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
    release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
    introduce(more_memory_requirements);
    if (customers_report_installation_problems)
    {
      say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
      if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
      {
        ignore(customer);
        order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
                                              guy");
      }
    }
    if (there_is_another_company)
    {
      steal(their_ideas);
      accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
     hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
      wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
      buy_out(other_company);
    }
  }
  /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all
     angry at us */
  order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_guy);
  buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
  laugh_at(everyone,

for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}


void bugfix(void)
{
  charge (a_lot_of_money)
  if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
    say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
  if (still_complaints)
  {
    ignore(customer);
    register(customer, big_Bill_book);
    /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
  }
}