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                         Part 10

     Louisa herself did not long outstay this adventure at
Mrs. Cole's (to whom, by-the-bye, we took care not to boast
of our exploit, till all fear of consequences were clearly
over): for an occasion presenting itself of proving her
passion for a young fellow, at the expense of her discretion,
proceeding all in character, she pack'd up her toilet at half
a day's warning and went with him abroad, since which I
entirely lost sight of her, and it never fell in my way to
hear what became of her.

     But a few days after she had left us, two very pretty
young gentlemen, who were Mrs. Cole's especial favourites,
and free of her academy, easily obtain'd her consent for
Emily's and my acceptance of a party of pleasure at a little
but agreeable house belonging to one of them, situated not
far up the river Thames, on the Surry side.

     Everything being settled, and it being a fine summer-
day, but rather of the warmest, we set out after dinner, and
got to our rendez-vous about four in the afternoon; where,
landing at the foot of a neat, joyous pavillion, Emily and I
were handed into it by our squires, and there drank tea with
a cheerfulness and gaiety that the beauty of the prospect,
the serenity of the weather, and the tender politeness of our
sprightly gallants naturally led us into.

     After tea, and taking a turn in the garden, my particu-
lar, who was the master of the house, and had in no sense
schem'd this party of pleasure for a dry one, propos'd to us,
with that frankness which his familiarity at Mrs. Cole's
entitled him to, as the weather was excessively hot, to bathe
together, under a commodious shelter that he had prepared
expressly for that purpose, in a creek of the river, with
which a side-door of the pavilion immediately communicated,
and where we might be sure of having our diversion out, safe
from interruption, and with the utmost privacy.

     Emily, who never refus'd anything, and I, who ever
delighted in bathing, and had no exception to the person who
propos'd it, or to those pleasures it was easy to guess it
implied, took care, on this occasion, not to wrong our
training at Mrs. Cole's, and agreed to it with as good a
grace as we could.  Upon which, without loss of time, we
return'd instantly to the pavilion, one door of which open'd
into a tent, pitch'd before it, that with its marquise,
formed a pleasing defense against the sun, or the weather,
and was besides as private as we could wish.  The lining of
it, imbossed cloth, represented a wild forest-foliage, from
the top down to the sides, which, in the same stuff, were
figur'd with fluted pilasters, with their spaces between
fill'd with flower-vases, the whole having a gay effect upon
the eye, wherever you turn'd it.

     Then it reached sufficiently into the water, yet con-
tain'd convenient benches round it, on the dry ground, either
to keep our cloaths, or . . ., or . . ., in short, for more
uses than resting upon.  There was a side-table too, loaded
with sweetmeats, jellies, and other eatables, and bottles of
wine and cordials, by way of occasional relief from any raw-
ness, or chill of the water, or from any faintness from what-
ever cause; and in fact, my gallant, who understood chere
entiere perfectly, and who, for taste (even if you would not
approve this specimen of it) might have been comptroller of
pleasures to a Roman emperor, had left no requisite towards
convenience or luxury unprovided.

     As soon as we had look'd round this inviting spot, and
every preliminary of privacy was duly settled, strip was the
word: when the young gentlemen soon dispatch'd the undressing
each his partner and reduced us to the naked confession of
all those secrets of person which dress generally hides, and
which the discovery of was, naturally speaking, not to our
disadvantage.  Our hands, indeed, mechanically carried towards
the most interesting part of us, screened, at first, all from
the tufted cliff downwards, till we took them away at their
desire, and employed them in doing them the same office, of
helping off with their cloaths; in the process of which, there
pass'd all the little wantonnesses and frolicks that you may
easily imagine.

     As for my spark, he was presently undressed, all to his
shirt, the fore-lappet of which as he lean'd languishingly on
me, he smilingly pointed to me to observe, as it bellied out,
or rose and fell, according to the unruly starts of the mo-
tion behind it; but it was soon fix'd, for now taking off his
shirt, and naked as a Cupid, he shew'd it me at so upright a
stand, as prepar'd me indeed for his application to me for
instant ease; but, tho' the sight of its fine size was fit
enough to fire me, the cooling air, as I stood in this state
of nature, joined to the desire I had of bathing first, en-
abled me to put him off, and tranquillize him, with the re-
mark that a little suspense would only set a keener edge on
the pleasure.  Leading then the way, and shewing our friends
an example of continency, which they were giving signs of
losing respect to, we went hand in hand into the stream, till
it took us up to our neck, where the no more than grateful
coolness of the water gave my senses a delicious refreshment
from the sultriness of the season, and made more alive, more
happy in myself, and, in course, more alert, and open to
voluptuous impressions.

     Here I lav'd and wanton'd with the water, or sportively
play'd with my companion, leaving Emily to deal with hers at
discretion.  Mine, at length, not content with making me take
the plunge over head and ears, kept splashing me, and provok-
ing me with all the little playful tricks he could devise,
and which I strove not to remain in his debt for.  We gave,
in short, a loose to mirth; and now, nothing would serve him
but giving his hands the regale of going over every part of
me, neck, breast, belly, thighs, and all the et cetera, so
dear to the imagination, under the pretext of washing and
rubbing them; as we both stood in the water, no higher now
than the pit of our stomachs, and which did not hinder him
from feeling, and toying with that leak that distinguishes
our sex, and it so wonderfully water-tight: for his fingers,
in vain dilating and opening it, only let more flame than
water into it, be it said without a figure.  At the same time
he made me feel his own engine, which was so well wound up,
as to stand even the working in water, and he accordingly
threw one arm round my neck, and was endeavouring to get the
better of that harsher construction bred by the surrounding
fluid; and had in effect won his way so far as to make me
sensible of the pleasing stretch of those nether-lips, from
the in-driving machine; when, independent of my not liking
that aukward mode of enjoyment, I could not help interrupt-
ing him, in order to become joint spectators of a plan of
joy, in hot operation between Emily and her partner; who
impatient of the fooleries and dalliance of the bath, had led
his nymph to one of the benches on the green bank, where he
was very cordially proceeding to teach her the difference be-
twixt jest and earnest.

     There, setting her on his knee, and gliding one hand over
the surface of that smooth polish'd snow-white skin of hers,
which now doubly shone with a dew-bright lustre, and presented
to the touch something like what one would imagine of animated
ivory, especially in those ruby-nippled globes, which the
touch is so fond of and delights to make love to, with the
other he was lusciously exploring the sweet secret of nature,
in order to make room for a stately piece of machinery, that
stood uprear'd, between her thighs, as she continued sitting
on his lap, and pressed hard for instant admission, which the
tender Emily, in a fit of humour deliciously protracted, af-
fecting to decline, and elude the very pleasure she sigh'd
for, but in a style of waywardness so prettily put on, and
managed, as to render it ten times more poignant; then her
eyes, all amidst the softest dying languishment, express'd at
once a mock denial and extreme desire, whilst her sweetness
was zested with a coyness so pleasingly provoking, her moods
of keeping him off were so attractive, that they redoubled
the impetuous rage with which he cover'd her with kisses: and
the kisses that, whilst she seemed to shy from or scuffle for,
the cunning wanton contrived such sly returns of, as were
doubtless the sweeter for the gust she gave them, of being
stolen ravished.

     Thus Emily, who knew no art but that which nature itself,
in favour of her principal end, pleasure, had inspir'd her
with, the art of yielding, coy'd it indeed, but coy'd it to
the purpose; for with all her straining, her wrestling, and
striving to break from the clasp of his arms, she was so far
wiser yet than to mean it, that in her struggles, it was
visible she aim'd at nothing more than multiplying points of
touch with him, and drawing yet closer the folds that held
them every where entwined, like two tendrils of a vine inter-
curling together: so that the same effect, as when Louisa
strove in good earnest to disengage from the idiot, was now
produced by different motives.

     Mean while, their emersion out of the cold water had
caused a general glow, a tender suffusion of heighten'd
carnation over their bodies; both equally white and smooth-
skinned; so that as their limbs were thus amorously inter-
woven, in sweet confusion, it was scarce possible to distin-
guish who they respectively belonged to, but for the brawnier,
bolder muscles of the stronger sex.

     In a little time, however, the champion was fairly in
with her, and had tied at all points the true lover's knot;
when now, adieu all the little refinements of a finessed re-
luctance; adieu the friendly feint!  She was presently driven
forcibly out of the power of using any art; and indeed, what
art must not give way, when nature, corresponding with her
assailant, invaded in the heart of her capital and carried by
storm, lay at the mercy of the proud conqueror who had made
his entry triumphantly and completely?  Soon, however, to be-
come a tributary: for the engagement growing hotter and
hotter, at close quarters, she presently brought him to the
pass of paying down the dear debt to nature; which she had no
sooner collected in, but, like a duellist who has laid his
antagonist at his feet, when he has himself received a mortal
wound, Emily had scarce time to plume herself upon her vic-
tory, but, shot with the same discharge, she, in a loud ex-
piring sigh, in the closure of her eyes, the stretch-out of
her limbs, and a remission of her whole frame, gave manifest
signs that all was as it should be.

     For my part, who had not with the calmest patience stood
in the water all this time, to view this warm action, I lean'd
tenderly on my gallant, and at the close of it, seemed'd to
ask him with my eyes what he thought of it; but he, more eager
to satisfy me by his actions than by words or looks, as we
shoal'd the water towards the shore, shewed me the staff of
love so intensely set up, that had not even charity beginning
at home in this case, urged me to our mutual relief, it would
have been cruel indeed to have suffered the youth to burst
with straining, when the remedy was so obvious and so near at
hand.

     Accordingly we took to a bench, whilst Emily and her
spark, who belonged it seems to the sea, stood at the side-
board, drinking to our good voyage: for, as the last observ'd,
we were well under weigh, with a fair wind up channel, and
full-freighted; nor indeed were we long before we finished our
trip to Cythera, and unloaded in the old haven; but, as the
circumstances did not admit of much variation, I shall spare
you the description.

     At the same time, allow me to place you here an excuse
I am conscious of owing you, for having, perhaps, too much
affected the figurative style; though surely, it can pass no-
where more allowably than in a subject which is so properly
the province of poetry, nay, is poetry itself, pregnant with
every flower of imagination and loving metaphors, even were
not the natural expressions, for respects of fashion and
sound, necessarily forbid it.

     Resuming now my history, you may please to know that
what with a competent number of repetitions, all in the same
strain (and, by-the-bye, we have a certain natural sense that
those repetitions are very much to the taste), what with a
circle of pleasures delicately varied, there was not a moment
lost to joy all the time we staid there, till late in the
night we were re-escorted home by our squires, who delivered
us safe to Mrs. Cole, with generous thanks for our company.

     This too was Emily's last adventure in our way: for
scarce a week after, she was, by an accident too trivial to
detail to you the particulars, found out by her parents, who
were in good circumstances, and who had been punish'd for
their partiality to their son, in the loss of him, occasion'd
by a circumstance of their over-indulgence to his appetite;
upon which the so long engross'd stream of fondness, running
violently in favour of this lost and inhumanly abandon'd child
whom if they had not neglected enquiry about, they might long
before have recovered.  They were now so overjoyed at the re-
trieval of her, that, I presume, it made them much less strict
in examining the bottom of things: for they seem'd very glad
to take for granted, in the lump, everything that the grave
and decent Mrs. Cole was pleased to pass upon them; and soon
afterwards sent her, from the country, a handsome acknowledge-
ment.

     But it was not so easy to replace to our community the
loss of so sweet a member of it: for, not to mention her
beauty, she was one of those mild, pliant characters that if
one does not entirely esteem, one can scarce help loving,
which is not such a bad compensation neither.  Owing all her
weakness to good-nature, and an indolent facility that kept
her too much at the mercy of first impressions, she had just
sense enough to know that she wanted leading-strings, and
thought herself so much obliged to any who would take the
pains to think for her, and guide her, that with a very little
management, she was capable of being made a most agreeable,
nay, a most virtuous wife: for vice, it is probable, had never
been her choice, or her fate, if it had not been for occasion,
or example, or had she not depended less upon herself than
upon her circumstances.  This presumption her conduct after-
wards verified: for presently meeting with a match that was
ready cut and dry for her, with a neighbour's son of her own
rank, and a young man of sense and order, who took her as the
widow of one lost at sea (for so it seems one of her gallants,
whose name she had made free with, really was), she naturally
struck into all the duties of their domestic life with as much
constancy and regularity, as if she had never swerv'd from a
state of undebauch'd innocence from her youth.

     These desertions had, however, now so far thinned Mrs.
Cole's brood that she was left with only me like a hen with
one chicken; but tho' she was earnestly entreated and encou-
rag'd to recruit her corps, her growing infirmities, and,
above all, the tortures of a stubborn hip-gout, which she
found would yield to no remedy, determin'd her to bread up her
business and retire with a decent pittance into the country,
where I promis'd myself nothing so sure, as my going down to
live with her as soon as I had seen a little more of life and
improv'd my small matters into a competency that would create
in me an independence on the world: for I was, now, thanks to
Mrs. Cole, wise enough to keep that essential in view.

     Thus was I then to lose my faithful preceptress, as did
the Philosophers of the town the White Crow of her profession.
For besides that she never ransacked her customers, whose
taste too she ever studiously consulted, besides that she
never racked her pupils with unconscionable extortions, nor
ever put their hard earnings, as she call'd them, under the
contribution of poundage.  She was a severe enemy to the
seduction for innocence, and confin'd her acquisitions solely
to those unfortunate young women, who, having lost it, were
but the juster objects of compassion: among these, indeed,
she pick'd but such as suited her views and taking them under
her protection, rescu'd them from the danger of the publick
sinks of ruin and misery, to place, or do for them, well or
ill, in the manner you have seen.  Having then settled her
affairs, she set out on her journey, after taking the most
tender leave of me, and at the end of some excellent instruc-
tions, recommending me to myself, with an anxiety perfectly
maternal.  In short, she affected me so much, that I was not
presently reconcil'd to myself for suffering her at any rate
to go without me; but fate had, it seems, otherwise dispos'd
of me.

     I had, on my separation from Mrs. Cole, taken a pleasant
convenient house at Marybone, but easy to rent and manage from
its smallness, which I furnish'd neatly and modestly.  There,
with a reserve of eight hundred pounds, the fruit of my defer-
ence to Mrs. Cole's counsels, exclusive of cloaths, some
jewels, some plate, I saw myself in purse for a long time, to
wait without impatience for what the chapter of accidents
might produce in my favour.

     Here, under the new character of a young gentle-woman
whose husband was gone to sea, I had mark'd me out such lines
of life and conduct, as leaving me at a competent liberty to
pursue my views either out of pleasure or fortune, bounded me
nevertheless strictly within the rules od decency and discre-
tion: a disposition in which you cannot escape observing a
true pupil of Mrs. Cole.

     I was scarce, however, well warm in my new abode, when
going out one morning pretty early to enjoy the freshness of
it, in the pleasing outlet of the fields, accompanied only by
a maid, whom I had newly hired, as we were carelessly walking
among the trees we were alarmed with the noise of a violent
coughing: turning our heads towards which, we distinguish'd a
plain well-dressed elderly gentleman, who, attack'd with a
sudden fit, was so much overcome as to be forc'd to give way
to it and sit down at the foot of a tree, where he seemed
suffocating with the severity of it, being perfectly black in
the face: not less mov'd than frighten'd with which, I flew
on the instant to his relief, and using the rote of practice
I had observ'd on the like occasion, I loosened his cravat
and clapped him on the back; but whether to any purpose, or
whether the cough had had its course, I know not, but the fit
immediately went off; and now recover'd to his speech and
legs, he returned me thanks with as much emphasis as if I had
sav'd his life.  This naturally engaging a conversation, he
acquainted me where he lived, which was at a considerable
distance from where I met with him, and where he had stray'd
insensibly on the same intention of a morning walk.

     He was, as I afterwards learn'd in the course of the
intimacy which this little accident gave birth to, an old
bachelor, turn'd of sixty, but of a fresh vigorous complexion,
insomuch that he scarce marked five and forty, having never
rack'd his constitution by permitting his desires to overtax
his ability.

     As to his birth and condition, his parents, honest and
fail'd mechanicks, had, by the best traces he could get of
them, left him an infant orphan on the parish; so that it was
from a charity-school, that, by honesty and industry, he made
his way into a merchant's counting-house; from whence, being
sent to a house in CADIZ, he there, by his talents and acti-
vity, acquired a fortune, but an immense one, with which he
returned to his native country; where he could not, however,
so much as fish out one single relation out of the obscurity
he was born in.  Taking then a taste for retirement, and
pleas'd to enjoy life, like a mistress in the dark, he flowed
his days in all the ease of opulence, without the least parade
of it; and, rather studying the concealment than the shew of a
fortune, looked down on a world he perfectly knew; himself, to
his wish, unknown and unmarked by.

     But, as I propose to devote a letter entirely to the
pleasure of retracing to you all the particulars of my ac-
quaintance with this ever, to me, memorable friend, I shall,
in this, transiently touch on no more than may serve, as
mortar to cement, to form the connection of my history, and
to obviate your surprize that one of my high blood and relish
of life should count a gallant of threescore such a catch.

     Referring then to a more explicit narrative, to explain
by what progressions our acquaintance, certainly innocent at
first, insensibly changed nature, and ran into unplatonic
lengths, as might well be expected from one of my condition
of life, and above all, from that principle of electricity
that scarce ever fails of producing fire when the sexes meet.
I shall only her acquaint you, that as age had not subdued
his tenderness for our sex, neither had it robbed him of the
power of pleasing, since whatever he wanted in the bewitching
charms of youth, he aton'd for, or supplemented with the ad-
vantages of experience, the sweetness of his manners, and
above all, his flattering address in touching the heart, by
an application to the understanding.  From him it was I first
learn'd, to any purpose, and not without infinite pleasure,
that I had such a portion of me worth bestowing some regard
on; from him I received my first essential encouragement, and
instructions how to put it in that train of cultivation, which
I have since pushed to the little degree of improvement you
see it at; he it was, who first taught me to be sensible that
the pleasures of the mind were superior to those of the body;
at the same time, that they were so far from obnoxious to, or
incompatible with each other, that, besides the sweetness in
the variety and transition, the one serv'd to exalt and per-
fect the taste of the other to a degree that the senses alone
can never arrive at.

     Himself a rational pleasurist, as being much too wise to
be asham'd of the pleasures of humanity, loved me indeed, but
loved me with dignity; in a mean equally remov'd from the
sourness, of forwardness, by which age is unpleasingly char-
acteriz'd, and from that childish silly dotage that so often
disgraces it, and which he himself used to turn into ridicule,
and compare to an old goat affecting the frisk of a young kid.

     In short, everything that is generally unamiable in his
season of life was, in him, repair'd by so many advantages,
that he existed a proof, manifest at least to me, that it is
not out of the power of age to please, if it lays out to
please, and if, making just allowances, those in that class
do not forget that it must cost them more pains and attention
than what youth, the natural spring-time of joy, stands in
need of: as fruits out of season require proportionably more
skill and cultivation, to force them.

     With this gentleman then, who took me home soon after
our acquaintance commenc'd, I lived near eight months; in
which time, my constant complaisance and docility, my atten-
tion to deserve his confidence and love, and a conduct, in
general, devoid of the least art and founded on my sincere
regard and esteem for him, won and attach'd him so firmly to
me, that, after having generously trusted me with a genteel,
independent settlement, proceeding to heap marks of affection
on me, he appointed me, by an authentick will, his sole
heiress and executrix: a disposition which he did not outlive
two months, being taken from me by a violent cold that he
contracted as he unadvisedly ran to the window on an alarm of
fire, at some streets distance, and stood there naked-breast-
ed, and exposed to the fatal impressions of a damp night-air.

     After acquitting myself of my duty towards my deceas'd
benefactor, and paying him a tribute of unfeign'd sorrow,
which a little time chang'd into a most tender, grateful
memory of him that I shall ever retain, I grew somewhat com-
forted by the prospect that now open'd to me, if not of hap-
piness at least of affluence and independence.

     I saw myself then in the full bloom and pride of youth
(for I was not yet nineteen) actually at the head of so large
a fortune, as it would have been even the height of impudence
in me to have raised my wishes, much more my hopes, to; and
that this unexpected elevation did not turn my head, I ow'd
to the pains my benefactor had taken to form and prepare me
for it, as I ow'd his opinion of my management of the vast
possessions he left me, to what he had observ'd of the pru-
dential economy I had learned under Mrs. Cole, of which the
reserve he saw I had made was a proof and encouragement to
him.

     But, alas! how easily is the enjoyment of the greatest
sweets in life, in present possession, poisoned by the regret
of an absent one! but my regret was a mighty and just one,
since it had my only truly beloved Charles for its object.

     Given him up I had, indeed, compleatly, having never once
heard from him since our separation; which, as I found after-
wards, had been my misfortune, and not his neglect, for he
wrote me several letters which had all miscarried; but for-
gotten him I never had.  Amidst all my personal infidelities,
not one had made a pin's point impression on a heart impene-
trable to the true love-passion, but for him.

     As soon, however, as I was mistress of this unexpected
fortune, I felt more than ever how dear he was to me, from
its insufficiency to make me happy, whilst he was not to
share it with me.  My earliest care, consequently, was to
endeavour at getting some account of him; but all my re-
searches produc'd me no more light than that his father had
been dead for some time, not so well as even with the world;
and that Charles had reached his port of destination in the
South-Seas, where, finding the estate he was sent to recover
dwindled to a trifle, by the loss of two ships in which the
bulk of his uncle's fortune lay, he was come away with the
small remainder, and might, perhaps, according to the best
advice, in a few months return to England, from whence he
had, at the time of this my inquiry, been absent two years
and seven months.  A little eternity in love!

     You cannot conceive with what joy I embraced the hopes
thus given me of seeing the delight of my heart again.  But,
as the term of months was assigned it, in order to divert
and amuse my impatience for his return, after settling my
affairs with much ease and security, I set out on a journey
for Lancashire, with an equipage suitable to my fortune, and
with a design purely to revisit my place of nativity, for
which I could not help retaining a great tenderness; and might
naturally not be sorry to shew myself there, to the advantage
I was now in pass to do, after the report Esther Davis had
spread of my being spirited away to the plantations; for on
no other supposition could she account for the suppression of
myself to her, since her leaving me so abruptly at the inn.
Another favourite intention I had, to look out for my rela-
tions, though I had none besides distant ones, and prove a
benefactress to them.  Then Mrs. Cole's place of retirement
lying in my way, was not amongst the least of the pleasures I
had proposed to myself in this expedition.

     I had taken nobody with me but a discreet decent woman,
to figure it as my companion, besides my servants, and was
scarce got into an inn, about twenty miles from London, where
I was to sup and pass the night, when such a storm of wind
and rain sprang up as made me congratulate myself on having
got under shelter before it began.

     This had continu'd a good half hour, when bethinking me
of some directions to be given to the coachman, I sent for
him, and not caring that his shoes should soil the very clean
parlour, in which the cloth was laid, I stept into the hall-
kitchen, where he was, and where, whilst I was talking to him,
I slantingly observ'd two horsemen driven in by the weather,
and both wringing wet; one of whom was asking if they could
not be assisted with a change, while their clothes were dried.
But, heavens! who can express what I felt at the sound of a
voice, ever present to my heart, and that is now rebounded at!
or when pointing my eyes towards the person it came from, they
confirm'd its information, in spite of so long an absence, and
of a dress one would have imagin'd studied for a disguise: a
horseman's great coat, with a stand-up cape, and his hat
flapp'd . . . but what could escape the piercing alertness of
a sense surely guided by love?  A transport then like mine was
above all consideration, or schemes of surprize; and I, that
instant, with the rapidity of the emotions that I felt the
spur of, shot into his arms, crying out, as I threw mine round
his neck:  "My life! . . . my soul! . . . my Charles! . . ."
and without further power of speech, swoon'd away, under the
pressing agitations of joy and surprize.

     Recover'd out of my entrancement, I found myself in my
charmer's arms, but in the parlour, surrounded by a crowd
which this event had gather'd round us, and which immediately,
on a signal from the discreet landlady, who currently took him
for my husband, clear'd the room, and desirably left us alone
to the raptures of this reunion; my joy at which had like to
have prov'd, at the expense of my life, power superior to that
of grief at our fatal separation.

     The first object then, that my eyes open'd on, was their
supreme idol, and my supreme wish Charles, on one knee, hold-
ing me fast by the hand and gazing on me with a transport of
fondness.  Observing my recovery, he attempted to speak, and
give vent to his patience of hearing my voice again, to
satisfy him once more that it was me; but the mightiness and
suddenness of the surprize, continuing to stun him, choked
his utterance: he could only stammer out a few broken, half
formed, faltering accents, which my ears greedily drinking
in, spelt, and put together, so as to make out their sense;
"After so long! . . . so cruel . . . an absence! . . . my
dearest Fanny! . . . can it? . . . can it be you? . . ."
stifling me at the same time with kisses, that, stopping my
mouth, at once prevented the answer that he panted for, and
increas'd the delicious disorder in which all my senses were
rapturously lost.  Amidst however, this crowd of ideas, and
all blissful ones, there obtruded only one cruel doubt, that
poison'd nearly all the transcendent happiness: and what was
it, but my dread of its being too excessive to be real?  I
trembled now with the fear of its being no more than a
dream, and of my waking out of it into the horrors of find-
ing it one.  Under this fond apprehension, imagining I could
not make too much of the present prodigious joy, before it
should vanish and leave me in the desert again, nor verify
its reality too strongly, I clung to him, I clasp'd him, as
if to hinder him from escaping me again:  "Where have you
been? . . . how could you . . . could you leave me? . . .
Say you are still mine . . . that you still love me . . .
and thus! thus!" (kissing him as if I would consolidate lips
with him!)  "I forgive you . . . forgive my hard fortune in
favour of this restoration."

     All these interjections breaking from me, in that wild-
ness of expression that justly passes for eloquence in love,
drew from him all the returns my fond heart could wish or
require.  Our caresses, our questions, our answers, for some
time observ'd no order; all crossing, or interrupting one
another in sweet confusion, whilst we exchang'd hearts at our
eyes, and renew'd the ratifications of a love unbated by time
or absence: not a breath, not a motion, not a gesture on
either side, but what was strongly impressed with it.  Our
hands, lock'd in each other, repeated the most passionate
squeezes, so that their fiery thrill went to the heart again.

     Thus absorbed, and concentre'd in this unutterable de-
light, I had not attended to the sweet author of it, being
thoroughly wet, and in danger of catching cold; when, in good
time, the landlady, whom the appearance of my equipage (which,
by-the-bye, Charles knew nothing of) had gain'd me an interest
in, for me and mine, interrupted us by bringing in a decent
shift of linen and cloaths, which now, somewhat recover'd into
a calmer composure by the coming in of a third person, I prest
him to take the benefit of, with a tender concern and anxiety
that made me tremble for his health.

     The landlady leaving us again, he proceeded to shift; in
the act of which, tho' he proceeded with all that modesty
which became these first solemner instants of our re-meeting
after so long an absence, I could not contain certain snatches
of my eyes, lured by the dazzling discoveries of his naked
skin, that escaped him as he chang'd his linen, and which I
could not observe the unfaded life and complexion of without
emotions of tenderness and joy, that had himself too purely
for their object to partake of a loose or mistim'd desire.

     He was soon drest in these temporary cloaths, which
neither fitted him now became the light my passion plac'd
him in, to me at least; yet, as they were on him, they look'd
extremely well, in virtue of that magic charm which love put
into everything that he touch'd, or had relation to him: and
where, indeed, was that dress that a figure like this would
not give grace to?  For now, as I ey'd him more in detail, I
could not but observe the even favourable alteration which
the time of his absence had produced in his person.

     There were still the requisite lineaments, still the
same vivid vermilion and bloom reigning in his face: but now
the roses were more fully blown; the tan of his travels, and
a beard somewhat more distinguishable, had, at the expense
of no more delicacy than what he could well spare, given it
an air of becoming manliness and maturity, that symmetriz'd
nobly with that air of distinction and empire with which
nature had stamp'd it, in a rare mixture with the sweetness
of it; still nothing had he lost of that smooth plumpness of
flesh, which, glowing with freshness, blooms florid to the
eye, and delicious to the touch; then his shoulders were
grown more square, his shape more form'd, more portly, but
still free and airy.  In short, his figure show'd riper,
greater, and perfecter to the experienced eye than in his
tender youth; and now he was not much more than two and
twenty.

     In this interval, however, I pick'd out of the broken,
often pleasingly interrupted account of himself, that he was,
at that instant, actually on his road to London, in not a
very paramount plight or condition, having been wreck'd on
the Irish coast for which he had prematurely embark'd, and
lost the little all he had brought with him from the South
Seas; so that he had not till after great shifts and hard-
ships, in the company of his fellow-traveller, the captain,
got so far on his journey; that so it was (having heard of
his father's death and circumstances) he had now the world
to begin again, on a new account: a situation which he
assur'd me, in a vein of sincerity that, flowing from his
heart, penetrated mine, gave him to farther pain, than that
he had it not in his power to make me as happy as he could
wish.  My fortune, you will please to observe, I had not
enter'd upon any overture of, reserving to feast myself with
the surprize of it to him, in calmer instants.  And, as to
my dress, it could give him no idea of the truth, not only
as it was mourning, but likewise in a style of plainness and
simplicity that I had ever kept to with studied art.  He
press'd me indeed tenderly to satisfy his ardent curiosity,
both with regard to my past and present state of life since
his being torn away from me: but I had the address to elude
his questions by answers that, shewing his satisfaction at
no great distance, won upon him to waive his impatience, in
favour of the thorough confidence he had in my not delaying
it, but for respects I should in good time acquaint him with.

     Charles, however, thus returned to my longing arms,
tender, faithful, and in health, was already a blessing too
mighty for my conception: but Charles in distress! . . .
Charles reduc'd, and broken down to his naked personal merit,
was such a circumstance, in favour of the sentiments I had
for him, as exceeded my utmost desires; and accordingly I
seemed so visibly charm'd, so out of time and measure pleas'd
at his mention of his ruin'd fortune, that he could account
for it no way, but that the joy of seeing him again had swal-
low'd up every other sense, or concern.

     In the mean time, my woman had taken all possible care
of Charles's travelling companion; and as supper was coming
in, he was introduc'd to me, when I receiv'd him as became my
regard for all of Charles's acquaintance or friends.

     We four then supp'd together, in the style of joy, con-
gratulation, and pleasing disorder that you may guess.  For
my part, though all these agitations had left me not the
least stomach but for that uncloying feast, the sight of my
ador'd youth, I endeavour'd to force it, by way of example
for him, who I conjectur'd must want such a recruit after
riding; and, indeed, he ate like a traveller, but gaz'd at,
and addressed me all the time like a lover.

     After the cloth was taken away, and the hour of repose
came on, Charles and I were, without further ceremony, in
quality of man and wife, shewn up together to a very handsome
apartment, and, all in course, the bed, they said, the best
in the inn.

     And here, Decency, forgive me! if once more I violate
thy laws and keeping the curtains undrawn, sacrifice thee for
the last time to that confidence, without reserve, with which
I engaged to recount to you the most striking circumstances
of my youthful disorders.

     As soon, then, as we were in the room together, left to
ourselves, the sight of the bed starting the remembrance of
our first joys, and the thought of my being instantly to
share it with the dear possessor of my virgin heart, mov'd
me so strongly, that it was well I lean'd upon him, or I
must have fainted again under the overpowering sweet alarm.
Charles saw into my confusion, and forgot his own, that was
scarce less, to apply himself to the removal of mine.

     But now the true refining passion had regain'd thorough
possession of me, with all its train of symptoms: a sweet
sensibility, a tender timidity, love-sick yearnings temper'd
with diffidence and modesty, all held me in a subjection of
soul, incomparably dearer to me than the liberty of heart
which I had been long, too long! the mistress of, in the
course of those grosser gallantries, the consciousness of
which now made me sigh with a virtuous confusion and regret.
No real virgin, in view of the nuptial bed, could give more
bashful blushes to unblemish'd innocence than I did to a
sense of guilt; and indeed I lov'd Charles too truly not to
feel severely that I did not deserve him.

     As I kept hesitating and disconcerted under this soft
distraction, Charles, with a fond impatience, took the pains
to undress me; and all I can remember amidst the flutter and
discomposure of my senses was some flattering exclamations of
joy and admiration, more specially at the feel of my breasts,
now set at liberty form my stays, and which panting and ris-
ing in tumultuous throbs, swell'd upon his dear touch, and
gave it the welcome pleasure of finding them well form'd, and
unfail'd in firmness.

     I was soon laid in bed, and scarce languish'd an instant
for the darling partner of it, before he was undress'd and
got between the sheets, with his arms clasp'd round me, giv-
ing and taking, with gust inexpressible, a kiss of welcome,
that my heart rising to my lips stamp'd with its warmest
impression, concurring to by bliss, with that delicate and
voluptuous emotion which Charles alone had the secret to
excite, and which constitutes the very life, the essence of
pleasure.

     Meanwhile, two candles lighted on a side-table near us,
and a joyous wood-fire, threw a light into the bed that took
from one sense, of great importance to our joys, all pretext
for complaining of its being shut out of its share of them;
and indeed, the sight of my idolized youth was alone, from
the ardour with which I had wished for it, without other cir-
cumstance, a pleasure to die of.

     But as action was now a necessity to desires so much on
edge as ours, Charles, after a very short prelusive dalliance,
lifting up my linen and his own, laid the broad treasures of
his manly chest close to my bosom, both beating with the
tenderest alarms: when now, the sense of his glowing body, in
naked touch with mine, took all power over my thoughts out of
my own disposal, and deliver'd up every faculty of the soul
to the sensiblest of joys, that affecting me infinitely more
with my distinction of the person than of the sex, now
brought my conscious heart deliciously into play: my heart,
which eternally constant to Charles, had never taken any part
in my occasional sacrifices to the calls of constitution,
complaisance, or interest.  But ah! what became of me, when
as the powers of solid pleasure thickened upon me, I could
not help feeling the stiff stake that had been adorn'd with
the trophies of my despoil'd virginity, bearing hard and
inflexible against one of my thighs, which I had not yet
opened, from a true principle of modesty, reviv'd by a pas-
sion too sincere to suffer any aiming at the false merit of
difficulty, or my putting on an impertinent mock coyness.

     I have, I believe, somewhere before remark'd, that the
feel of that favourite piece of manhood has, in the very na-
ture of it, something inimitably pathetic.  Nothing can be
dearer to the touch, nor can affect it with a more delicious
sensation.  Think then! as a love thinks, what must be the
consummate transport of that quickest of our senses, in their
central seat too! when, after so long a deprival, it felt
itself re-inflam'd under the pressure of that peculiar scep-
ter-member which commands us all: but especially my darling,
elect from the face of the whole earth.  And now, at its
mightiest point of stiffness, it felt to me something so
subduing, so active, so solid and agreeable, that I know not
what name to give its singular impression: but the sentiment
of consciousness of its belonging to my supremely beloved
youth, gave me so pleasing an agitation, and work'd so
strongly on my soul, that it sent all its sensitive spirits
to that organ of bliss in me, dedicated to its reception.
There, concentreing to a point, like rays in a burning glass,
they glow'd, they burnt with the intensest heat; the springs
of pleasure were, in short, wound up to such a pitch, I
panted now, with so exquisitely keen an appetite for the emi-
nent enjoyment that I was even sick with desire, and unequal
to support the combination of two distinct ideas, that de-
lightfully distracted me: for all the thought I was capable
of, was that I was now in touch, at once, with the instrument
of pleasure, and the great-seal of love.  Ideas that, ming-
ling streams, pour'd such an ocean of intoxicating bliss on
a weak vessel, all too narrow to contain it, that I lay over-
whelm'd, absorbed, lost in an abyss of joy, and dying of
nothing but immoderate delight.

     Charles then rous'd me somewhat out of this extatic dis-
traction with a complaint softly murmured, amidst a crowd of
kisses, at the position, not so favourable to his desires, in
which I receiv'd his urgent insistance for admission, where
that insistance was alone so engrossing a pleasure that it
made me inconsistently suffer a much dearer one to be kept
out; but how sweet to correct such a mistake!  My thighs, now
obedient ot the intimations of love and nature, gladly dis-
close, and with a ready submission, resign up the soft gate-
way to the entrance of pleasure: I see, I feel the delicious
velvet tip! . . . he enters me might and main, with . . . oh!
my pen drops from me here in the extasy now present to my
faithful memory!  Description too deserts me, and delivers
over a task, above its strength of wing, to the imagination:
but it must be an imagination exalted by such a flame as mine
that can do justice to that sweetest, noblest of all sensa-
tions, that hailed and accompany'd the stiff insinuation all
the way up, till it was at the end of its penetration, send-
ing up, through my eyes, the sparks of the love-fire that
ran all over me and blaz'd in every vein and every pore of
me: a system incarnate of joy all over.

     I had now totally taken in love's true arrow from the
point up to the feather, in that part, where making now new
wound, the lips of the original one of nature, which had
owed its first breathing to this dear instrument, clung, as
if sensible of gratitude, in eager suction round it, whilst
all its inwards embrac'd it tenderly with a warmth of gust,
a compressive energy, that gave it, in its way, the hearti-
est welcome in nature; every fibre there gathering tight
round it, and straining ambitiously to come in for its share
of the blissful touch.

     As we were giving them a few moments of pause to the
delectation of the senses, in dwelling with the highest
relish on this intimatest point of re-union, and chewing the
cud of enjoyment, the impatience natural to the pleasure soon
drove us into action.  Then began the driving tumult on his
side, and the responsive heaves on mine, which kept me up to
him; whilst, as our joys grew too great for utterance, the
organs of our voices, voluptuously intermixing, became organs
of the touch . . . and oh, that touch! how delicious! . . .
how poignantly luscious! . . . And now! now I felt to the
heart of me! I felt the prodigious keen edge with which love,
presiding over this act, points the pleasure: love! that may
be styled the Attic salt of enjoyment; and indeed, without
it, the joy, great as it is, is still a vulgar one, whether
in a king or a beggar; for it is, undoubtedly, love alone
that refines, ennobles and exalts it.

     Thus happy, then, by the heart, happy by the senses, it
was beyond all power, even of thought, to form the conception
of a greater delight than what I was now consummating the
fruition of.

     Charles, whose whole frame was convulsed with the agita-
tion of his rapture, whilst the tenderest fires trembled in
his eyes, all assured me of a prefect concord of joy, pene-
trated me so profoundly, touch'd me so vitally, took me so
much out of my own possession, whilst he seem'd himself so
much in mine, that in a delicious enthusiasm, I imagin'd such
a transfusion of heart and spirit, as that coalescing, and
making one body and soul with him, I was he, and he, me.

     But all this pleasure tending, like life from its first
instants, towards its own dissolution, liv'd too fast not to
bring on upon the spur its delicious moment of mortality; for
presently the approach of the tender agony discover'd itself
by its usual signals, that were quickly follow'd by my dear
love's emanation of himself that spun our, and shot, feel-
ingly indeed! up the ravish'd in-draught: where the sweetly
soothing balmy titillation opened all the juices of joy on my
side, which extatically in flow, help'd to allay the prurient
glow, and drown'd our pleasure for a while.  Soon, however,
to be on float again!  For Charles, true to nature's laws, in
one breath expiring and ejaculating, languish'd not long in
the dissolving trance, but recovering spirit again, soon gave
me to feel that the true-mettle springs of his instrument of
pleasure were, by love, and perhaps by a long vacation, wound
up too high to be let down by a single explosion: his stiff-
ness still stood my friend.  Resuming then the action afresh,
without dislodging, or giving me the trouble of parting from
my sweet tenant, we play'd over again the same opera, with
the same delightful harmony and concert: our ardours, like
our love, knew no remission; and, all as the tide serv'd my
lover, lavish of his stores, and pleasure milked, over-flowed
me once more from the fulness of his oval reservoirs of the
genial emulsion: whilst, on my side, a convulsive grasp, in
the instant of my giving down the liquid contribution, ren-
der'd me sweetly subservient at once to the increase of his
joy, and of its effusions: moving me so, as to make me exert
all those springs of the compressive exsuction with which the
sensitive mechanism of that part thirstily draws and drains
the nipple of Love; with much such an instinctive eagerness
and attachment as, to compare great with less, kind nature
engages infants at the breast by the pleasure they find in
the motion of their little mouths and cheeks, to extract the
milky stream prepar'd for their nourishment.

     But still there was no end of his vigour: this double
discharge had so far from extinguish'd his desires, for that
time, that it had not even calm'd them; and at his age, de-
sires are power.  He was proceeding then amazingly to push it
to a third triumph, still without uncasing, if a tenderness,
natural to true love, had not inspir'd me with self-denial
enough to spare, and not overstrain him: and accordingly,
entreating him to give himself and me quarter, I obtain'd,
at length, a short suspension of arms, but not before he had
exultingly satisfy'd me that he gave out standing.

     The remainder of the night, with what we borrow'd upon
the day, we employ'd with unweary'd fervour in celebrating
thus the festival of our re-meeting; and got up pretty late
in the morning, gay, brisk and alert, though rest had been a
stranger to us: but the pleasures of love had been to us,
what the joy of victory is to an army; repose, refreshment,
everything.

     The journey into the country being now entirely out of
the question, and orders having been given over-night for
turning the horses' heads towards London, we left the inn as
soon as we had breakfasted, not without a liberal distribu-
tion of the tokens of my grateful sense of the happiness I
had met with in it.

     Charles and I were in my coach; the captain and my com-
panion in a chaise hir'd purposely for them, to leave us the
conveniency of a tete-a-tete.

     Here, on the road, as the tumult of my senses was toler-
ably compos'd, I had command enough to head to break properly
to him the course of life that the consequence of my separa-
tion from him had driven me into: which, at the same time
that he tenderly deplor'd with me, he was the less shocked
at; as, on reflecting how he had left me circumstanc'd, he
could not be entirely unprepar'd for it.

     But when I opened the state of my fortune to him, and
with that sincerity which, from me to him, was so much a
nature in me, I begg'd of him his acceptance of it, on his
own terms.  I should appear to you perhaps too partial to my
passion, were I to attempt the doing his delicacy justice.
I shall content myself then with assuring you, that after
his flatly refusing the unreserv'd, unconditional donation
that I long persecuted him in vain to accept, it was at
length, in obedience to his serious commands (for I stood
out unaffectedly, till he exerted the sovereign authority
which love had given him over me), that I yielded my consent
to waive the remonstrance I did not fail of making strongly
to him, against his degrading himself, and incurring the
reflection, however unjust, of having, for respects of for-
tune, barter'd his honour for infamy and prostitution, in
making one his wife, who thought herself too much honour'd
in being but his mistress.

     The plea of love then over-ruling all objections,
Charles, entirely won with the merit of my sentiments for
him, which he could not but read the sincerity of in a heart
ever open to him, oblig'd me to receive his hand, by which
means I was in pass, among other innumerable blessings, to
bestow a legal parentage on those fine children you have
seen by this happiest of matches.

     Thus at length, I got snug into port, where, in the
bosom of virtue, I gather'd the only uncorrupt sweets: where,
looking back on the course of vice I had run, and comparing
its infamous blandishments with the infinitely superior joys
of innocence, I could not help pitying, even in point of
taste, those who, immers'd in gross sensuality, are insen-
sible to the so delicate charms of VIRTUE, than which even
PLEASURE has not a greater friend, nor than VICE a greater
enemy.  Thus temperance makes men lords over those pleasures
that intemperance enslaves them to: the one, parent of
health, vigour, fertility, cheerfulness, and every other
desirable good of life; the other, of diseases, debility,
barrenness, self-loathing, with only every evil incident to
human nature.

     You laugh, perhaps, at this tail-piece of morality, ex-
tracted from me by the force of truth, resulting from com-
par'd experiences: you think it, no doubt, out of place, out
of character; possibly too you may look on it as the paltry
finesse of one who seeks to mask a devotee to Vice under a
rag of a veil, impudently smuggled from the shrine of Virtue:
just as if one was to fancy one's self compleatly disguised
at a masquerade, with no other change of dress than turning
one's shoes into slippers; or, as if a writer should think to
shield a treasonable libel, by concluding it with a formal
prayer for the King.  But, independent of my flattering my-
self that you have a juster opinion of my sense and sincerity,
give me leave to represent to you, that such a supposition is
even more injurious to Virtue than to me: since, consistently
with candour and good-nature, it can have no foundation but
in the falsest of fears, that its pleasures cannot stand in
comparison with those of Vice; but let truth dare to hold it
up in its most alluring light: then mark, how spurious, how
low of taste, how comparatively inferior its joys are to those
which Virtue gives sanction to, and whose sentiments are not
above making even a sauce for the senses, but a sauce of the
highest relish; whilst Vices are the harpies that infect and
foul the feast.  The paths of Vice are sometimes strew'd with
roses, but then they are for ever infamous for many a thorn,
for many a canker-worm: those of Virtue are strew'd with roses
purely, and those eternally unfading ones.

     If you do me then justice, you will esteem me perfectly
consistent in the incense I burn to Virtue.  If I have painted
Vice in all its gayest colours, if I have deck'd it with flow-
ers, it has been solely in order to make the worthier, the
solemner sacrifice of it, to Virtue.

     You know Mr. C*** O***, you know his estate, his worth,
and good sense: can you, will you pronounce it ill meant, at
least of him, when anxious for his son's morals, with a view
to form him to virtue, and inspire him with a fix'd, a
rational contempt for vice, he condescended to be his master
of the ceremonies, and led him by the hand thro' the most
noted bawdy-houses in town, where he took care he should be
familiarized with all those scenes of debauchery, so fit to
nauseate a good taste?  The experiment, you will cry, is
dangerous.  True, on a fool: but are fools worth so much
attention?

     I shall see you soon, and in the mean time think
candidly of me, and believe me ever,
                           MADAM,

     Yours, etc., etc., etc.,

                           THE END