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gassbird.txt
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1988-08-02
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AURORA DISTURBANCES ON H. F. PROPAGATION III
by Billy Capers, AL7BB
After much consideration of what I have been able to uncover
what this strange thing we call the AURORA BOREALIS is. I am
conviced that what we are really having to tolerate is not a
natural thing, it is a prehistoric bird that thrives off
electromagnetic radiation much the same way that a normal bird
thrives off seed and little creatures that crawl around. I
think this bird must normally live in the frozen wastelands
somewhere above the Arctic Circle, and only appears when it get
hungary. I would not be surprised if the thing actually
hibernates much like many members of the animal world, only to
be disturbed at unpredictable times.
Now that we have determined that such a beast does in fact
exist, I find that a proper name should be placed on that
creatyure, so in order to simplify reference to the thing, I
have named it the Great Alaskan Signal Sucker, or GASS Bird.
When the GASS Bird swoops down from the North, it litterly
sucks up all the RF in the area, and stores it in his great
rear end, to be consumed as required to sustain his activity.
I have also surmised that actually, there is no such thing as a
true Aurora, for what we are actually seeing is the great tail
feathers with all their brilliant colors glowing as the bird
swoops across the sky. This could well explain the dancing of
these lights through the skys in a ballet like pattern that
tends to soothe the savage beast, however awakens the ire in
ham operators.
I have also surmised that as the bird lives in the vicinity
of the North Pole, and remembering that everything is South of
there, I believe that the bird is bi-directional, and must fly
forward toward the South, and backward when returning to his
resting place. With the size of the thing, he would have a very
rough time trying to turn around anyway. I surmise that if he
tried to turn around, he would have to take up most of the
Milky Way, and would then be completely visible. This being
against the secretive nature of the GASS Bird, he would rather
only have a forward and a reverse direction.
Now, armed with the information that I have given you, the Ham
can be equipped with the knowledge of what to expect once he
sees the brilliant display of the GASS Birds tail feathers, and
I would recommend that the Ham who has plans of long duration
in the community of communicators, not climb his tower and
shake his fist in the snout of the bird, for as there has been
no recorded cases of the bird actually harming anyone, I am
sure the possibility does exist.
There are also indications that some of the other disturbances
we hear on the Ham bands could be a direct result of the GASS
Bird, and we of the brotherhood have been blaming some of our
neighbors unjustly, but that is another story.