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Date: Sun, 14 Feb 1999 12:31:57 EST
From: KenKnows@aol.com
Subject: Re: [MV] Movie News/China/Saudi Arabia
In a message dated 2/9/99 2:29:21 PM Pacific Standard Time,
gregorys@xmission.com writes:
<< BEIJING (AP) - After holding the film "Mulan" hostage for political
reasons, Beijing's censors said Monday they will allow the screening
of the Disney animated blockbuster in Chinese cinemas later this
month. Officials at China Film, the state-run monopoly for importing
and distributing foreign films, said "Mulan" would be shown
nationwide beginning Feb. 23, just after the Feb. 16-22 lunar new
year holiday ends. The decision marks a sharp change from two years
ago, when China threatened to rein in Disney's business dealings out
of anger over "Kundun," a film about the Chinese occupation of Tibet. >>
"Kundun" is an artistic masterpiece by Martin Scorcesi (sp). It is visually
stunning, with fine acting, outstanding writing and excellent music. China was
not the first government to try to prevent people in other nations from seeing
an excellent film because its government objected to ideas expressed in a
film. Another example of this from about 20 years ago was when Saudi Arabia
objected to an excellent British film titled "Death of a Princess". The
Princess was Saudi Arabian, and after that movie was shown once, it was not
seen again in the USA for about 15 years.
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Date: Sun, 14 Feb 1999 16:55:44 -0500 (EST)
From: maillist@moviejuice.com
Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE - Soak on a Rope
A FAN LETTER FROM AN UNLIKELY SOURCE
Whenever I get an email that begins "I wrote that movie you just reviewedà" my first response is, "uh oh." That said, thanks to a certain screenwriter of a certain number one recent box office hit for reading between the lines and getting the joke. I appreciate your note.
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A PHANTOM PRECURSOR
Stay tuned, gang. Coming very soon, a MovieJuice! tribute to the new Star Wars movie. A multimedia extravaganza. Download your free RealVideo G2 players now at http://www.real.com.
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MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE - SOAK ON A ROPE
by Mark Ramsey
http://www.moviejuice.com
February 14, 1999
One of the biggest hits of the recent NATPE convention in New Orleans was the live taping of a new movie review TV show. Like all movie review shows on TV, it's modeled after Siskel & Ebert's thumb-o-rama and features yours truly as the Funny one and the Rev. Jerry Falwell as the Christian one. Check out this excerpt of our show on the new flick, Message in a Bottle.
Mark: Message in a Bottle stars Kevin Costner, Robin Wright-Penn, and special guest star Rose McGowan as the P.T. Barnum might-as-well-be-bearded lady. I don't know about you, Jerry, but I'm sending out an S.O.S. to the world!
Jerry: (smiling) Did you say "Massage in a Bottle"? I think that bespeaks a kind of bankrupt morality which is damaging to the spiritual lives of children!
Mark: Jerry, your tie's too tight! Proverbial strong silent type and robo-actor Costner is the celluloid spawn of the unholy union between quiet men Henry Fonda and Gary Cooper. He's so wooden, indigenous peoples practice slash and burn on his moss-covered gut. What's his character's name, "Cigar Store Indian"? If he gets an itch, could it be termites? Can you tell his age if you count the rings around his nose - er - trunk? In this flick, he moves from Waterworld to waterlogged world. Now that he's done The Postman, are all his performances mailed in?
Jerry: (smiling) Is that actress Rebecca Gayheart in this film? Rebecca GAYheart??? As a Christian, I'd like to unroll a latex condom over such deviance to prevent an unwanted pregnancy of depravity.
Mark: Message to all the ships at sea: Not since the heyday of Christopher Cross has Sailing been so dull. Kevin's a boat builder. Did you see the frame he was building, Jerry?
Jerry: (smiling) I certainly did, Mark. It was a triangular frame - lavender if I'm not mistaken. With a rainbow bow and black leather rigging. This is a sailing ship that role-models the homosexual lifestyle! They brazenly acknowledge that this boat will hoist fags!
Mark: FLAGS, Jerry, you homophobic ninny. Flags!
Jerry: (smiling) Did you notice Mr. Costner is carrying a purse?
Mark: That's not a purse. That's his swelling gut, Jerry.
Jerry: (smiling) And in that sailing scene, the puffy white clouds overhead are clearly engaging in lewd and lascivious behavior!
Mark: Grand old actor Paul Newman's in this movie too in a role Wilford Brimley was born to play. He's a kooky coot who cuts Kevin's hair, shrink-wraps the clippings, and sells "Newman's Own Costner Hair Fragments" to the public to raise money for charity. "It beats croutons," says Paul. And if you don't think those hair fragments are scarce, take a close look at Kevin's noggin. That hairline is rolling back faster than the Red Sea in The Prince of Egypt.
Jerry: (smiling) See this $5 bill, Mark? Not only is "SEX" written in clearly visible subliminal lettering, but so is "DEPRAVED GAY SEX." Shameful!
Mark: Have you ever gotten a message in a bottle, Jerry?
Jerry: (smiling) Yes, Mark. I was drinking like a fish when the bottles began to speak. Like a chorus of Budweiser frogs they beseeched me to hear the Word of God. Suddenly the face of the Virgin Mary appeared on a Starbucks low-fat scone and authorized me to make the world safe from Teletubbies because, frankly, they're driving the Lord nuts.
Mark: I got a message once. But it was in a box of Cap'n Crunch cereal. Although it was no love poem, it did offer me 25 cents of my next purchase of Crunch Berries. That's putting your money where your mouth is!
Jerry: (smiling) That Tinky Winky is Gay, I tell you. You'll see! Just wait until your three-year-old boy develops a sudden interest in disco dancing and old Judy Garland movies, not to mention a suspicious fascination with David Duchovny. Why, I've seen toddlers describe their diaper ensemble as "fabulous!" Our moral foundations are crumbling, I tell you!
Mark: Uh, okay, Jerry. Any final words on Message in a Bottle?
Jerry: I didn't see it, Mark. But it definitely promotes homosexuality and endangers the welfare of our children. Just like that new WB series with that young lady in college: Fellatio-icity.
Mark: Up next, a lengthy review of a movie you've never heard of and have absolutely no intention of seeing....
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
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DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
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TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the top of the left frame. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
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