First, I would like to say that I haven't seen American Pie.
I think that a boycott for bad movies would be hard to make as no one has the same point of view of others. For exemple I think that The avengers is the baddest movie I ever seen, but I liked The Fifth Element. I am sure that some of you would have boycotted it. Starship Troopers is a great movie, but it is my point of view. I would have been very disappointed if it would have been boycotted.
I think that it is like painting, some people dislike Dali's painting. Should we boycott it ?
I think that we need all kinds of movies, including the baddest, to appreciate master pieces.
All the best
Patrick Kraus
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>Some friend of mine from work, who are all movie buffs, recently started up
>a movie club that I host every couple of weeks. We each bring a movie that
>has been chosen from a specific category listing. This past time we each
>choose one of our favorites. I had Rebecca, one had Return of the Living
>Dead 2, another had Funny Games and the last one had Demons. None of us
>liked each others movie. I always said, movies are like religion. It all
>boils down to taste. I can't wait until the next time....
I have seen Funny Games last month on the video and I really disliked it. It has been shot like all old german serials (Derrick for exemple), the actors wasn't convincing and the direction was very slow and annoying. I think that the screenplay would have deserved a better director.
But I liked the Tom Tykwer's movie, Run Lola.
If some one want to see a very good foreign movie,
rent "Old Gun" (1976).
Patrick
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AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME - WILLY WINKER
by Mark Ramsey
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/austinpowers.htm
June 12, 1999
First, director Oliver Stone is plucked from a winding cruise on a straight road for driving drunk with a stash of hash (and I ain't talkin' Dinty Moore). Then, reflecting Stone's pull at the state capital, out comes the brand new California State Oliver Stone Driving Test.
Some sample questions:
1. A "Stop" sign is....
a) That distracting red blur at the roadside that's always in the way of your randomly swerving Porsche
b) That signal a bartender gives you indicating it's time to get behind the wheel in the unlikely event you can find it
c) That frustrated feeling you get when you can't turn on the car radio no matter how many times you punch the lighter
d) That signal from Meg Ryan when you come on to her during the shooting of The Doors
2. Possession of Hash means....
a) You and Missy Misdemeanor Elliot have something in common
b) Dennis Hopper's only a smoke ring away
c) You're sure Anthony Hopkins has that Nixon accent down cold
d) The studio suits can stop questioning the outrageous potato chip, door bead, and black light budget
e) If love can be free, then why can't I?
Gear-shifting....
God Bless Mike Myers, people.
Who else can blend low and high camp with such finesse? Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me is one sexy stew, baby.
Yes, if you - like the dim-witted laughing hyena behind me in the theater - think it's funny when the star bumps into a pole, gets bitten in the balls, or says the word "shag," (no matter how many times he says it) then you'll laugh until your couch potato-fed sides hurt. Hey lady, has the ranch hand branded you yet? Have the aliens mutilated you and surrounded your carcass with artful crop circles?
If, on the other hand, you marvel at the witty brilliance of fashion photographer Austin directing models to pose as if they're "making a series of tunnels like the Viet Cong," or if you groove on the exuberant Dr. Evil trying to tame his recklessly revolving chair by invoking dialogue from The Exorcist ("The power of Christ compels you!"), then baby, this bird's for you.
Special kudos to brat packer Rob Lowe for a spookily uncanny Robert Wagner impression. There's a talent! Some folks can touch their nose with their tongue, others can riff on R.J. Anybody know a good Stefanie Powers impersonator? Me, my specialty is Sam the Butcher ("We got a sale on rump roast this week Alice, if you know what I'm saying. By the way, your blue uniform and apron look particularly menial today.")
Mike's wildest transformation is into Scottish super-heavyweight spy "Fat Bastard." As Scottish characterization goes, Mike is the Yin to Sean Connery's Yang, and there's many a yang joke in this flick for sure. Says Fat Bastard, "I haven't seen my willy in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead."
Speaking of willys, many a one-eyed trouser spy came in from the cold at the sight of delish crumpet Heather Graham. Although the same can't be said for 3rd Rock refugee Kristen Johnston who, as Ivana Humpalot, reminds us that one in the hand may indeed beat two in the bush.
Austin returns to the swingin' 60's to recover his lost mojo and unite piano-man Burt Bachrach with Elvis Costello, the Dionne Warwick of the new millennium. Unfortunately, theirs is a duet unlikely to inspire mojo unless "mojo" is another word for the howling of wild dogs. I'm afraid the Sphinx has aged better than Elvis, and that's with thousands of years of head start! Meanwhile Bachrach sings without a mic - or maybe he's chewing on his saliva. Who can tell?
Cameos by class magnet Tim Robbins (one of my faves), hemp magnet Woody Harrelson, cheese magnet Clint Howard, and final thought magnet Jerry Springer were great fun. And the Dr. Evil Rap is destined to be a movie comedy classic! Mike, you go, boy.
Once again, of course, Austin Powers sets up an inevitable sequel's sequel. Which means another gig for R.J.! Not to mention another string of shagworthy birds. Kendra Copafeel? Titsiana Bendover? Iva Bushman? Wanda Hornblower? Denise Rodman?
Stay tuned, baby!
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
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Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - ADVANCE - AMERICAN PIE - Fruit Fling
Date: 20 Jun 1999 17:23:13 -0400 (EDT)
COMING SOON FROM MOVIEJUICEà
Have you ever noticed there's no Dreamworks SKG web site?
Stay tuned.
********************
AMERICAN PIE - FRUIT FLING
by Mark Ramsey
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/americanpie.htm
June 19, 1999
Who said you can't "have" your cake and eat it too?
This just in: Spiritual messenger Shirley MacLaine reports the late Buddy Holly has invited minstrel Don Mclean to join him in a mad spin around his grave. My oh my, Miss American Pie.
In the Cannes Film Festival of adolescent Penises, American Pie wins the Palme d'Or, because this flick is for teenage palms who work overtime, if you know what I mean.
If you're busy accessorizing your new Star Wars action figures and peeking under the skirt of the Natalie Portman doll, have I got a movie for you. If your barely pubescent libido is Little-Shop-of-Horrors hungry and neither a parent nor guardian will slap any sense into you, then grab your joystick, make like a spoon, and dig into American Pie.
The theme is the relentless pursuit of deflowering, and it's a theme one note long. Adam Sandler Jr. and his posse pledge to bust their virginity before graduation even if it means a practice session which brings new meaning to the phrase "screw up the dessert."
Already the pie-fucking scene is notorious. Who would have thought a notion so fresh could come from a box in the freezer aisle? I do believe the marketing folks at Mrs. Smiths have devised the most clever product placement scheme ever! If you can use eggs in shampoo, why not pie for a sex partner? Just don't tell the Arm & Hammer folks. Already I use my baking soda for cooking, cleaning, and deodorizing - If I could use it for sex, then I'd expect it to get a job and a nice car.
Grocery Shoppers beware: If you see some guy in the bulk foods aisle with a long trenchcoat, call for a cleanup immediately.
Why is it so hard to make a great teen comedy? I just caught 16 Candles again on Encore - now that's what I call a funny movie. Nowadays, teen flicks have given up ripping off John Hughes and Fast Times at Ridgemont High and instead body and fender There's Something About Mary's Horny Teenage Brother. Do I need 10 Things I Hate About Your Bodily Fluids? Can I get my money back in post, please?
In one form or another, the script for American Pie has been floating around for years. It was originally conceived as John Ford's follow-up to Stagecoach, unfortunately teen star Mickey Rooney objected to the absence of tap-dancing which, he felt, would broaden the appeal of the pie-fucking sequence to fans of the big MGM Musicals. "Sex has some appeal," said Mickey, "but tap is universal!"
As for me, I've just cloaked my dinner in a napkin like some slinky Victoria's Secret model. I'm gonna dim the lights, find some protection, and have my dinner by candlelight, if you catch my drift.
Oh, the pleasure. Being manhandled by margarine - I can't believe she's not butter! A serenade by celery, a wink from Weight Watchers. Even the Pop Tarts are propositioning. Lord have mercy, I've got a date for dinner with dinner.
What I never thought could happen has come to pass: Buffy's ultra-bland pal Willow has finally found a role that perfectly suits her - for lack of a better word - "talents." Her final character twist is a big bright spot in an overall icky movie.
Sorry, gang. Outside a few funny moments American Pie is an ode to the teen penis with erectile dysfunction.
Like the song almost says, "good old boys are screwing whiskey and rye, and singin' this'll be the day that I die."
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
********************
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I read in Premiere (French edition) that Starship Troopers did not work as Verhoven would have excepted in USA. It seemed like, in general, in the US you saw the film as a Nazi's propaganda. I believe that is the contrary as Verhoven laughed at his characters.
I really liked this film for his irony about war.
I'd like to know your point of view,
Patrick
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Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - BIG DADDY - Schmaltz Liquor
Date: 27 Jun 1999 15:05:25 -0400 (EDT)
BIG DADDY - SCHMALTZ LIQUOR
by Mark Ramsey
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/bigdaddy.htm
June 27, 1999
Big Daddy is the movie Stanley Kubrick would have made if he didn't work a lot slower than the Grim Reaper. Said Kubrick days before his death, "After watching Tom Cruise kiss corpses for two years, it's time to make a movie with a cute orphan and an SNL alum. I even have a title: Spartakids!"
Was I the only one who thought Big Daddy was the sequel to Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? What were you thinking, Tennessee Williams? Here, I'm expecting a Burl Ives comeback vehicle, and instead I get Pee on a Hot Brick Wall! My mistake.
To read some of the ultra-savage reviews this flick has been getting, I expected the audience would need a studio-sponsored hypnotist to open the show: "You are getting very sleepy...You will like this movie...You will keep your damn laser pointers in your pockets or we'll shove them up your ass."
But instead I was spirited away by an anti-critic intervention as I approached the theater entrance. Interrogated for hours with a bright lamp over my head, the interventionists pounded away at me: "Ignore the critics! Their vitriol is entirely personal! If Adam Sandler had made Citizen Kane they would hate it for being in Black and White and featuring Endora from Bewitched."
Maybe the cynical asshole critics are offended by the kid's declaration that "most critics are cynical assholes." Could be. Maybe they're envious of the kid's sunglasses which make you "disappear." And here I thought Hollywood used sunglasses to hide the lid-lift bruises.
Adam Sandler leads as Happy Gilmore Madison Boucher. As usual, Adam's likable, undistinguished, and utterly relatable.
Adam adopts an orphan kid so cute, he couldn't have inspired more girlie "awwww"s if ILM had digitally enhanced him with floppy ears, a tail, and a taste for Puppy Chow.
Now there's nothing novel about big comics and little kids. The pairing of comic superstars and adorable rugrats goes all the way back to Charlie Chaplin, who alternated between working with kids and marrying them.
Adam doesn't have the heart to send the kid to the pound, so he adopts him to impress his girlfriend, the babelicious Kristi Swanson who, I'm guessing, would be more impressed by a new agent and a better selection of roles right about now.
Adam teaches the boy tricks, like how to sit, how to heel, and how to play loogie yo-yo. Everything that makes you a man, or at least a big fan of sports.
Look for homeless man's homeless man, Steve Buscemi, in a cool cameo. Steve's costume/makeup folks must be fresh from watching VH-1's BeeGee's: Inside the Music, because Steve looks like the Gibb who couldn't master falsetto, Stayin' Alive on the street corner. Did somebody revive Creedence Clearwater, Steve?
And then there's Joey Lauren Adams whose squeaky voice and sweetiepie demeanor make her odds-on favorite for the title: "Annette Funicello of the new Millennium." I'm still bracing for her to squeal: "Hey kids, what time is it? It's time to reunite with Chasing Amy director Kevin Smith and reignite my career!"
Joey plays "Layla," and the more you know about Joey the more the name fits. Here, she's a smart, environmentally-conscious attorney and a huge Styx fan. Forget that the real Joey probably thinks Styx is a new Chinese restaurant in West Hollywood. Just go with the flow, people.
Joey's sweet as Equal - that's 200 times sweeter than sugar, friends. And like sugar, she may cause dental decay, as your teeth grind vigorously at every dialogue line. I need a Joey Lauren Vacation!
Meanwhile, there's great product placement here for Hooters, a restaurant notorious for its placement of product. Their slogan: Our breasts make your head turn, our wings make your lips burn! Personally, I love the Hooters Girls Calendar, where you can X-off how many days you're a pathetic, lifeless loser.
Call me crazy, but this movie's funny and sweet. And between the quips is much truth about fathers and sons, in case you've ever had one or been one. Adam's spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
And when you hear the critics dis everyman Adam and praise obscuro German movies about sprinting punkers, I'll go with the pied piper of puerile, the incredible infantile-o, Mr. Clam-Happy Gilmore himself, thank you.
This schmaltz liquor goes down good.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
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Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - ADVANCE - WILD WILD WEST - Mild Mild Pest
Date: 29 Jun 1999 15:37:17 -0400 (EDT)
WILD WILD WEST - MILD MILD PEST
by Mark Ramsey
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/wildwildwest.htm
July 2, 1999
It's a Western version of The Avengers, and it's lumbering to a theater near you!
Has there ever been a star-vehicle Warner Bros. didn't like? Thanks to Mel and Danny, these guys would call the joint "Lethal Warners" if it didn't discourage patronage at the commissary. Today's Soup: Alphabet - Complete with Roman Numerals and directed by chef Dick Donner. Eat where you're never too old for this shit.
Wild Wild West is the latest vehicle starring charismatic leading man Will Smith and, sadly, it's the Summer's best reason to count popcorn kernels, unless you find yourself counting sheep first. Speaking of sheep, they're grazing on the White House lawn - and leaping over Sam Donaldson, who shouts questions at them to no avail.
I know this flick is supposed to be low-brow, but if this audience's brow were any lower, you could glue electrodes to our necks, jolt us alive, and build us a bride with a skunk hairdo.
Based on a fine TV series virtually unknown to anyone under 30, Wild Wild West is the story of a studio in search of a big-budget, high-concept Summer blockbuster ... er ... I mean the story of 19th Century cowboy Feds battling a super-criminal with a keen knowledge of Erector Sets.
Pity Will. Most of his quips are fresh as a fortune cookie. Generally, they're of the "Let's just get some shut-ass" variety. As a matter of fact, this flick enjoys more than its share of dick and boob jokes. Joke: Will invents the first "realistic" breast implant. Joke: Will's face gets magnetically stuck below Kevin Kline's belt. Ha, ha. Funny Mel, funny Danny.
Pity famed Shakespearean actor Ken Branagh. As Dr. Arliss Legless, he's half man, half chair. One part Gary Oldman Dracula, one part Mel Blanc Foghorn Leghorn, all ham. Although he's missing legs and torso, his booming diaphragm knows a good checking account balance when it sees one. Beware the ides of March, Ken. And watch out for chicken hawks, too.
So Ken has married Britain's top actresses and kidnapped America's top scientists to create a weapons system "beyond contemporary imagination" (i.e., studio script code for "Get me ILM on the line!") Either give up the US Government or the US will be destroyed. Let's just hope he means US magazine!
Ken builds what looks and pumps like a huge phallus that decapitates luckless cowboys by flinging razor-sharp, spider-embossed trash can lids at them. I kid you not. It's a Freudian field-day! Does it sound like the Evian is Acid-enhanced down at the Warners lot? Groovy!
Check the big mechanical spider puffing steam like an overgrown Imperial Walker with a bonus ability to make tea. Let's be honest: A mechanical beastie with a smokestack is not all that scary. It looks like something Doc Brown would invent to travel back in time - with any luck, to the time before I walked into the theater.
That's what we need: An instrument of death that moves reeeaaaalllly slowly. This fancy mechanical contraption reminded me of the trash tongs on a garbage truck. Unfortunately, this refuse solution deposits trash - all over the Cineplex near you.
My favorite character is the Confederate General with shockingly bad makeup and a hearing aid Vitrola attached to his head. He still don't hear too well, but he's got a boss selection of Rudy Valee 78's and he can play a Gershwin piano roll like nobody's business!
Pity poor Kevin Kline, who's best known as the answer to the question: "Whatever happened to Phoebe Cates?" (Well, to me anyway). Kevin's a wacky inventor who solves crimes by cross-dressing. He's a great cook, he abhors violence, he's very tidy, and he's got a strange attraction to Tom Selleck. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But most of all, pity Salma Hayek. Her biggest acting challenge: Show some cleavage and some butt-crack on cue. If asses earned Oscars, then it's Salma and Nicholson, all the way, baby..
Let's see: Broad-appeal, bankable, Summer-proven star. Nicely balanced cross-ethnic cast: Black, Latin, Brit, and...uh...whatever Kevin Kline is. This movie's strategy is so transparent, Warners should affix decals so we don't bump into it accidentally.
Strange, I thought, as the overgrown Imperial VW Bug spouted steam and fired photon torpedoes at choo-choo trains. How can the bad guys devise photon torpedoes but not progress from steam to electricity? It's the deepest mystery of the Old West.
And believe me, gang, this West gets old fast.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
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TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the top of the left frame. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
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