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buffyfic-digest        Monday, January 4 1999        Volume 02 : Number 407



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1c/1)
       BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1a/1)
       BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1b/1)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

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Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1999 19:05:10 -0800
From: [e-mail] (C. Catherine)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1c/1)

Disclaimers and such in 1a...


*~*~*

"How long has it been?" whispered Buffy to Willow as they sat in wait in
the second pew.

"An hour," Willow whispered back, "What do you suppose happened?"

"You don't think sheà"

"àleft him at the altar?" the redhead said with raised eyebrows, "I don't
know, but as it seemsàshhàOz's coming back."

"Where's Xander, then?"

Oz whispered a few words to the reverend that was presiding over the
wedding ceremony.  The older man nodded and walked to a nearby chair to
sit down.  Oz coughed lightly before speaking into the mike, "UmàI guess
it's my official duty as the best man to tell you all that the wedding
has been cancelled.  The groom wishes me to tell you that he apologizes
for the time that he's taken from your day and he wishes that wherever
Grace Wright is right now, he hopes that she's very happy and content in
her choice to marry her high school sweetheart.  Thank you."

The wedding guests murmured loudly as they stood up to walk out of the
church.  Buffy and Willow followed Oz who had directed them to go out of
one of the side doors to another portion of the ancient, pious edifice.

"Oz, what happened?"  Willow asked of her husband.

"Grace called and told Xander thatà"

"That she doesn't love me, or at least, she's not in love with me,"
Xander finished and his eyes fell to Buffy for a fleeting moment.

Buffy fiddled with her purse and recalled her past words, <"I do love
you, but not like thatànot how you want me to love you.">

With a sigh the former groom continued, "And also that she's gone to
marry who she was initially in love with and forever would be in love
with, her high school sweetheart.  A high school sweetheart in which I
insisted that she invite to the wedding.  Guess why they met up?"

"UhàI think I'll straighten things out with the caterer and the florist,"
Oz said.

"I'll help," volunteered Willow as she followed him.

The married couple left Buffy and Xander in silence.  Buffy took a seat
on the chair beside Xander's.

"Are you going to be okay?"

He turned to meet look at her and nodded slowly, "Yeah, in the eventual,
I guess, but it's not exactly every day that you get left at the altar."

"No, I guess not," she replied smiling lightly at his slight joke,
"Xander, I'm sorry that this happened to youàI know how much you loved
her."

"Thanks," he said looking at her for a moment and then continued, "I
guess I'm cursed, huh?"

Buffy frowned, "What are you talking about?"

"My big moves always somehow end in big failures.  I tell the one girl
I've loved since I first saw her how I felt, and almost ruined a
friendship.  I move on and get hitched, only to get jilted.  Cursed in
loveàthat is I!"

She chuckled softly, "No, Xander, it's just that you haven't found
theày'knowàone."

"And what would this elusive 'one' be?" he said raising his eyebrows.

She sighed and thought for a second, "The one where when you're near that
person, you want to be nowhere elseà"

"Ahàand when you're away, there's no one else you want to be near," he
said nodding.

"Exactlyà"

*~*~*

<àthe way I feel about you,> thought Buffy.

She thought back on that singular moment when she just knew - felt - that
Xander was her 'one.'  That moment had occurred in one of his many LA
business trips, of which after the wedding, he had made sure to visit her
and the rest of the gang whenever possible.  It was a moment that wasn't
anything special or out-of-the-ordinary.  Yet, it caused this incredible
wave of warmth to succumb her, all the while, making her shiver.  It was
filled with this crystal-clear clarity of this feeling, and yet, it
clouded her mind.  It was just singularlyàincrediblyàindescribableà

*~*~*

"I don't know how you do it," said Xander in amazement as he looked at
the painting that Buffy had just completed.

"And I can possibly understand how you can compile many-a 200-page novel
in that brain of yours?" she prompted with raised eyebrows as she washed
the paintbrushes in the sink of her studio.

He laughed and stood beside her with a grin, "I guess not.  Well, as
always, you have your thing and I have mine.  Alls I can say is they both
beat slayage any day."

"I definitely agree to that," she said with a nod and then glanced at the
singular brush she left on her easel and rolled her eyes, "Do you mind
getting me that?"

"No problem," he said and walked to the easel to hand her the brush and
smiled a smile that she had long ago dubbed his smile for herà

*~*~*

àand strange as it was, that was when she knew.  This realization wasn't
fireworks and it wasn't a magical experience that overwhelmed her, but
rather it crept slowly into her acknowledgement.  The moment was
fleeting, but the impact everlasting.  An almost gradual state of bliss
had fallen unto her, but unlike the fleetness of the moment, it seemed to
have come upon her within years, not seconds.

But even that couldn't describe how she felt and although it was months
later, she *still* couldn't pinpoint the exact enough - the perfect
enough - words.  Not that it really mattered.  She was content with her
awareness, but what troubled her was that *he* wasn't aware of it, and so
altered the purpose of coming to New York.  Initially it had been about
her life's work, but days before her arrival, she had determined it to
also be about coming to terms with her life's heart.  And as it was,
tonight was the night.

*~*~*

Buffy and Xander walked out of the restaurant laughingly.

"That was truly an interesting dining experience," he noted with a silly
grin.

"It's not every day I see a grown man shriek at the realization that he
ordered fish eyes," she replied.

"And like you didn't do a little shriek yourself."

"I didn't say I didn't, I only said you didàand you did," she pointed out
and continued, "I can't believe you actually ate it though!"

"My mama always said, life's like a plate of food.  You never let it go
to waste," he imitated and returned to his normal voice, "And I
technically didn't eat it, I only tasted it."

"Eatingàtastingàhowever you word it, you *still* consumed!"

Xander shook his head and sighed, "One thing I've learned after all these
years, never argue with the slayer even if she's of the former kind.  You
win."

"Good.  So, umàdo you want to call a cab or should I?"  Buffy replied
with a satisfied grin.

"Uhàthe hotel's only a couple of blocks away, we could walk this time,"
he suggested.

"Walk?" she said glancing at her feet, "In these shoes?"

"Buffy, you've slayed in those shoes," he said, "Well, maybe not the
exact same pair, but of a similar kind.  Besides a few minutes of walking
can't kill ya and I promise if it doesàI'll give you a nice funeral."

She laughed, "Thank you, Xander.  Somehow knowing thatàmakes me
appreciate you a little more."

 "Awàcome on, humor me?  I ate fishy stuff, tonight.  If not out of pity,
than save the environment from a little exhaust?" he asked.

Buffy sighed and smiled, "Only for the environment."

They walked towards the hotel and Buffy wondered how she was going to
tell him what she had wanted to tell him.  She had rewound her words over
and over again in her mind, but it wasn't the words that mattered as much
as the when.

Before she could contemplate any further, Xander's voice broke into her
thoughts, "Uhày'know there was a hidden reason for me wanting to do the
walking thing."

"Oh?" she said looking at him curiously, "and what was that?"

"Uhàthere's something I've been meaning to tell you all night," he said
and paused.

Her heart told her mind not to jump to conclusions, but she wondered if
he would tell her something that she had wanted him to re-tell her for a
long time.

"And what's that?" she asked as they continued to walk on the sidewalk.

"I met her."

Buffy frowned, "Met her?  Met who?"

"Y'knowàthe one."

She felt her heart sink and lump grew in her throat, but she held her
composure and replied calmly, "You did?  T-t-that's greatàit's
reallyàreally great.  So how long have you known that she was the one?"

"For awhile.  One day it just hit me out-of-the-blue that if I were to
never leave her side, I'd the happiest man in the world."

"Andàhave you told her that?  Have you told her how you feel?"

"Buffy, there aren't enough words in the English language for me to use
to say how I feel.  What I'm feeling for her is indescribable and I just
can't seem to find the right time to tell her, or rather, attempt to tell
her.  AndàI don't even know if I *should* tell her."

"What?"  She asked with a frowned as all of these concepts hit just too
close to home, "Why would you - I don'tà"

"FearàI guess.  I've been hurt too many times, BuffyàI mean, I know Grace
was a mistake and I'm not even sure if I could have gone through with the
wedding if it had occurred.  But when she told me that she didn't love me
- - wasn't in love with me - so much like that night you told me the same
at Oz and Wills' party, it brought a lot pain back to the surfaceà a
little too much painà"

"I'm sorry that I hurt you, Xander, and I'm sorry that you've had to feel
so much of the bad part of love, but what happened in the past, shouldn't
stop you from telling her how you feel."  Buffy glanced at the hotel that
they had stopped in front of and continued, "Xander, if you know in your
heart that she is the one, if you love her, and if you know that it isn't
a matter of wanting her, but a matter of needing her, then I suggest you
let her know.  If you don't, you may regret it until no endàif you wait,
it might be too late."

"So, you think I should tell her."

"Yeah, I think you should," she said and sighed, "I better get inside.
Thanks for dinner."

"No problem," he smiled, "Good-bye, Buffy."

"Good-bye, Xander."

With that, she walked into the hotel and quickly approached the elevator.
 As she waited for the door to open, the tears that had been threatening
to fall, fell and wetted her cheeks.  Her throat tightened and her chest
ached.  And it wasn't so much the physical that plagued her, but it was
the emotional of the before and the middle and the after.  She had gone
through too much for it to end this way, and the irony of that was that
all that she had gone through didn't make a singular difference.  It
didn't change anything of how that conversation ended at Willow and Oz's
party.  It didn't change her relationship with Xander for better or for
worse.  All it did was made her heart see, her mind know, and both
disappointed.

The doors opened and she walked into the empty elevator and watched the
doors close with the ding of the elevator, but they didn't close.  She
blinked as she saw the doors open again when a hand had stopped them from
closing.

"Xanderà?"

"Buffyà" he said breathlessly and before she could even comprehend the
events, he stepped into the elevator and kissed her.  The kiss spoke of
feelings long contained and of love and of the long journey they had
endured to reach this far - to make this kiss.  It spoke of heartache, of
emotional suffering, of pain that somehow didn't matter because of this
moment unlike the rest.  It was a moment that marked something
difference, marked a level that could only become something better with
each moment thereafter, marked the time to the second when they became
one.

Finally, they pulled away and Buffy leaned her head against his chest
with a sigh.  It felt so right to be in his arms and her arms around him.
 It felt so right to be there and be there forever.

She heard him whisper into her ear, "You're my one and only, the ruler of
my heart.  That dedication was yours when I made it and I knew then and
before and thereafter that it was always going to be you.  I tried to
move onàI tried to find love, but I left my heart to you that night you
told me you didn't love me and I never took it back.  I never intended on
taking it back.  Buffyàyou're the oneà"

___________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html
or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1999 19:05:00 -0800
From: [e-mail] (C. Catherine)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1a/1)

TITLE: Becoming One (1a/1)
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Becoming never happened.
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  I am merely borrowing them for this
story.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Becoming One
By: Taygeta

Buffy Summers leaned back on the hotel couch with a sigh, it had been a
long dayàa long, exhausting day.  <To think of an artistàone would think
happy, carefree thoughtsà> she scoffed to herself <yeahàright.>  It's not
that she disliked her career field, she loved it with a passion because
it was place, a realm in its own, and a state of singularity that she had
learned in her youth as her comfort zone.  However, it was one thing to
paint and a whole other thing to host an art show.  <At least it beats
the hell out of pulverizing vampires and demonic baddies to a pasty
pulp,> she thought of the slayer skin she had shed not too long ago when
the Watcher's Council had given her a retirement, something few slayers
ever had to call their own.  She had the deaths of Druscilla, Spike, and
Angelus, and not to mention the Master before, to thank for that.

Angelàthe name hadn't crossed her mind in awhile, or at least she hadn't
let it, as she had spent days like this one - chock full with busy work -
to try and forget.  She had long forgiven herself for the circumstances
surrounding the soul-encumbered vampire, and although she remembered him
and a part of her would always love him, he no longer chained himself to
her thoughts, unlike Xander had for the past year.

She remembered that night at Willow and Oz's engagement party vividlyàthe
laughter, the congratulations, the toasts, the dancing, the music, etc.,
but somehow the meaning of all that was lost as she thought back.  What
held itself with meaning in her mind was a conversation she would change
in a heartbeat with what she realized now.

*~*~*

Her eyes scanned around the crowded room for Xander and frowned when she
couldn't find him anywhere.  Excusing herself from one of the many
confining, boring conversations that she had participated in the entire
night, she went out to search for Oz's named best man.  Dodging away from
more approaching guests, she thought <to hell with Xander, I'm getting
out of here!> and quickly walked out onto the balcony, closing the French
doors behind her.

"Xander," she said in surprise to see him standing against the railing.

He turned to see her stand beside him and smiled, "Decided to bail, did
you?  You were always the strong one, lasted a hell of a lot longer than
I did.  Do you know how many of those people had a copy of my latest
book?  You'd think Oz and Willow had given them out as party favors or
something."

"Oh, come on," she said, "Don't tell me that the attention grabber with
his 'I am Mr. Writer Man' front can't take the fame that comes with being
a world famous author."

"Hardly world famous," he gibed, "More like 'Local Boy Gets Some Respect'
after a few cheesy novels."

She gave him a Look and replied, "Hardly cheesy, Xand, more like 'Local
Boy Writes Good Stuff.'"

"Really?" he said with raised eye brows, "Interesting perspective, Ms.
Artist, I didn't even know you read any of my works."

"I've got a couple books lying around, of which haven't been signed with
your scrawl of a signature," she hinted, "And I think I have your latest
novel somewhere like in my hand."

"Accompanied with a pen?" he asked as he took the book.

"Sorry, I only provide the book, seeing as how I was going to try and
finish the last three chapters," she said as she eyed the book carefully.

"Ahàout for some late night bookage," he said with a nod as he pulled a
pen from his pocket and stood in thought.

Buffy stared at him and smiled as she noted how the awkward youth had
grown to be at 24.  He had always been handsome, but in his Italian suit,
he added stylish and mature to the word, and the goatee that he sported
added to that maturity.  Realizing that she was staring just a little
longer than necessary, she quickly turned away and glanced at the sky,
"It's nice out here, don't you think?  A nice night for our two happy
friends in there."

"Extremely happy friends," he said as he glanced up, "It's kind of weird
that they're getting married, I mean, it seemed that just yesterday we
were worrying about vampires and creatures of the night.  Now, it's
wedding plans for the wolf and the witch."

"The wolf and the witch, I'm not sure how far you can actually say we've
come from the creatures of the night," Buffy said, "But it is definitely
a beautiful, peaceful night, especially when you don't have hoards of
guests talking to you at every turn."

"Peacefulàyeah," he said and then he looked at her and said, "And
definitely beautiful."

She crimsoned and smiled under his glance and the looked at the closed
book in his hands, "Umàare you done?"

"Yeah, here," he said handing her the novel with some hesitance.

Opening the cover, she read the neat scrawl:

To Buffy:
 With all the love in my heart, with all the love that is within me.
Xander

She stood in silence with the opened volume and a slightly agape
expression and then glanced at him, "Xanderà?"

"I know it's sudden, but I had to tell you.  I've wanted to tell you that
for so long, I've wanted you to know for so long, and there never seemed
to be the right time or the right place and I'm thinking now that this is
neither the right time or place.  But, I don't care.  You have to know
that I love you.  That I've been in love with you ever since that day I
first saw you.  Ever since then, it's never been anything but that.  "

"I - I don't know what to say," she stammered, "This is beyond sudden,
this is like instantaneous."

"I know my timing for romantic announcements are always off-key, and this
is certainly not an exception, but keeping this from you for all these
years, feeling this way, my audacity can't exactly surprise you.  As to
what to tell meà  Say you love me," he said, "Or say you don'tàsay
anythingàjust tell me where I stand.  I'm 24-years-old, Buffy, and
although that isn't exactly Father Time, I want to be able to move onàif
I have to."

"Xander, I do love you, but not like thatànot how you want me to love
you," she said wondering how all of this had suddenly come into play.
"You're my best friend, you know more about me than even I know about
myself, but I don't think I canàlove youàin that wayàever.  I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "Don't be.  I thought that maybe - well - doesn't
really matter what I thought 'cause I thought wrong, and I'm really
embarrassed, not to mention disappointed, slightly hurt, and I think I'll
go inside now before everything gets decidedly worse."

"Xander, don't be like this," she said as he approached the door, "Tell
me we're still friends?"

Glancing at her before he walked in, he said, "Of course, we're still
friends, and at this rate, we'll always be friends.  I'd rather lose my
heart than lose you forever.  It's just not what I want us to be, but
heyàI can deal.  This is what I wanted to hear.  After all, there are a
lot of things in this world I can't have and now I can say you're one of
them.  Although I wish to God you weren't because try as I might, I'll
never find anyone else like youàever.  And for that, I'm sorryà"

*~*~*

And try as she might, she couldn't forget that night and what had been
said.  She avoided him at all costs and he did the same by flying back to
New York a week or so later.  They didn't see each other until 6 months
after, where avoidance was impossible at the wedding of Willow and Oz.

Within those six months, Buffy found herself thinking a lot about Xander,
and analyzing what exactly it was she felt about him.  Although what she
said to him that night hadn't exactly been a lie, it wasn't exactly true,
either.  The truth being that even before that incident on the balcony,
she had had doubts on the premise of her feelings for him, but apparently
her contemplation didn't really much matter on their friends' wedding
day.  She sighed and realized that if there was anything she learned that
day, it was that the ability to find someone else wasn't as difficult as
it was made to sound.

___________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html
or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1999 19:05:05 -0800
From: [e-mail] (C. Catherine)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1b/1)

Disclaimers and such in 1a...


*~*~*

"Willow, that girl hanging on Xander's armàa friend of yours or Oz?"
Buffy questioned with raised eyebrows as she peeked out of the bride's
dressing room and saw a tall, dark-haired and dark-eyed beauty beside the
best man.

The redhead adjusted her veil and glanced out through the tiny opening
and shook her head, "NoàI've never seen her before.  He told me he was
dating someone awhile back.  I guess that's her, maybe that's what Oz and
he were talking about yesterday.  I mean, one more extra guest wouldn't
matter since a few aren't even going to be able to come to the reception.
 Whoever she is, she must have flown down from New York with him because
he's only been back a week."

"She definitely picked the generous guyàtrips to L.A. from NYC?  Must
have cost Xander a pretty penny," Buffy said.

"Xander's never been big on moneyàI know that he's given a lot to a few
organizations of some of my colleagues," Willow said and she handed her
one of his latest books.

"What's this for?" she questioned holding the book.

"Take a look at the dedicationàthat might be a clue to who she is,"
hinted Willow as she placed an earring in her right lobe.

Buffy opened the book and turned the page to the dedication.  In a
cursive script read:

~~~To my one and only, the ruler of my heart~~~


Ignoring the sad feeling that overcame her and the fading optimism of
what else the girl might have been, she mustered a smile, "That's really
sweetàXander's turning a romantic on us, should we fear?"

"Xander's always been a romantic, you just know it more now," she replied
as she placed the book she handed to her on the table.  "I remember how
he used to talk about you back in high school.  Side from some guy
commentary, he said some really sweet things, even after, he had a major
soft spot for you.  Still does."

"Could have done you better as a gal pal to give me a little idea that he
had a thing for me," said Buffy as she placed a bobby pin in Willow's
hair to help the veil stay.

"Oh, right," she replied, "At what time?  When you were crushing over
Angel and pretty much unintentionally trashed Xander when you said no to
his one and only attempt of asking you out?  Or when you were brooding
over losing Angel and he was dating Cordelia?  While you were in pursuit
of an art career and he was racking his head to get a publishing agent
that could get him published?"

"Okay, you have a point, even when you were playing, 'Ms.
Hands-off-my-particular,' I was having it bad with my major Love Wacky
thoughts over Angel," Buffy said as she adjusted the veil critically in
the mirror, "There."

Willow turned to her and smiled, "Thanks.  Would you have wanted me to
tell you?  I mean, when I had a pretty good idea he was crushing over
you?  What would you have said?"

"I'd probably tell you, I'd talk to him.  Let it plague me for awhile,
and then pull the Spring Fling incident all over again," she admitted as
she remembered their conversation so long ago.

"Well, what about now?"

Buffy frowned, "What do you mean, Wills?  What about now?"

"Hypothetically speaking, I mean.  If I did know he felt that way now and
told you, what would you do?"

"Willow, he has a girlfriend," she said trying to ignore the question.

"Say he doesn't."

"Why are you asking me this?  Now?"

The redhead looked at her friend thoughtfully and replied, "I want to
know if the two main reasons I gave up on my schoolgirl ideas of Xander -
one being Oz and two being that I've always thought you and he had
something - were really facts than reasons.  I know the first one," she
smiled softly, "and I kinda like to know the second."

The former slayer fiddled with the brush in her hand and sat down.  She
fell silent for a moment and looked up at her best friend, "What if told
you that I'd go out with him in a heartbeat?  What would you say?"

"I'd say, when did you realize that?"

"Not too long after he told me he was in love with meà"

"But then why -"

"Not too long after he told me he was in love with me," Buffy repeated
with a sigh and continued, "Not too long after I told him I didn't and
couldn't ever feel the same."

"Buffy, I don't understand."

"And neither do I.  Willow, I can't tell you that I'm in love with him
because I don't know."

"Then why would you be so inclined as to date him?" and Willow hid a
smile as she recalled Xander's "Date me," statement years ago.  "I mean,
after all this time, to risk a friendship by dating him, would kind of
mean that you had some pretty serious feelings for himàright?"

"Iàuhà"

Cordelia Chase, who had somehow named herself the wedding coordinator,
peeked into the room, "Everything's ready to goàthat isàif the bride's
not getting cold feet."

"Me?"  Willow said with a smile as she stood up, "Never."

The so-called coordinator walked out to cue the organist as Willow and
Buffy walked out of the room.  Before Buffy's cue as maid of honor was
made, the bride squeezed her hand and whispered, "We'll talk about it
later."

Upon seeing her cue, Buffy smiled and nodded silently before walking down
the aisleà

*~*~*

Somehow, however, that later never came.  Of course, it might have had
something to do with the announcement that Xander was engagedà

*~*~*


"Oz and Willow, I know it's the honorary customary for the best man to do
the toasting, but for once, I have to say I'm speechless."  Xander began
as he held up a glass of champagne and the crowd of guests laughed at the
joke.  "Well, I guess I've known you guys for a long time and Willow,
here, the longest, and I wish you the best of years and a marriage filled
with happiness and success that I know that you'll have no trouble in
accomplishing.  I can only hope that my engagement and, of course,
marriage, to Grace will be a near equivalent of yours."

Xander sat down as the crowd of guests looked at him in surprised silence
and with a nudge from his fiancΘe, he stood up again laughingly, "Oh,
didn't I tell you all?"  His eyes met Buffy's who sat across the way and
he smiled softly, "I'm getting marriedà"

*~*~*

Even today, Buffy still felt the shock the news had brought to her
system.  She supposed that it had to do with thinking so much and so long
about what she would say to him at the wedding, and realizing that all of
her contemplation didn't matter much - that all of her feelings - didn't
matter much at all.  Despite his announcement though, she had determined
that she would talk to him that day and sort things out, and with a
another contemplative sigh, she supposed that his announcement made
talking all the more easier.

*~*~*

Buffy looked around the room carefully.  The bride and groom had long ago
left, but the party was still in full swing.  Although she saw Xander's
fiancΘe talking to some of the quizzical guests, Xander was nowhere to be
found.  She finally thought to look at the balcony and low and behold, he
was there.  Seeing him there reminded her of the last time she had talked
to him and as she walked towards him, she hoped the outcome of this
balcony conversation was better than the first.

"Hey," Xander said as he turned around to see her.

She smiled, "Hey, yourself.  Long time no see."

He nodded slowly, "Yeah, it has been awhile, hasn't it?"

"I guess time flies when you fall in love," she said.

Xander chuckled softly, "I guess it does."

After a thoughtful pause, he continued, "Buffy, I'm sorry foràwell, I'm
not sorry that I told you what I told you, but I am sorry that I didn't
keep to what I said about us being friends in spite of that."

Buffy shook her head, "It's okayàreally.  I'm just glad that you found
someone who can love you, and who you obviously loveàI'm just happy that
you're happy, and whatever happened in the past doesn't matter as long as
everything's okay now.  Everything is okay, right?"

"More than," he replied.

"So, tell me about Grace.  Tell me about the girl that really stole your
heart."

"I met her not soon after ouràumàtalk and well, Grace Wright is a
wonderful actress, a wonderful woman, a wonderful person and much more.
There's so much to say and not enough words - even for a writer - to say
it in," he said simply.

"Funny, he said the same thing about youàwell sub the actress with
artist," said Grace as she entreated on their conversation.  She took her
fiancΘ's arm, "For a writer, he's not very original."

"Well, I could have told you that," Buffy said with a soft smile.

"I must say, it's a pleasure to finally meet you after hearing so much
about you from Alexander," the actress said.

"Well, I wish I could say the same, butàumàAlexander and I haven't been
able to get in touch with each other in awhile," she replied the full
name felt foreign to her native tongue.  "I guess a lot can happen in a
short while, and in your case, something wonderful.  Congratulations."

"Thank you," Grace said and she turned to Xander, "Honey, it's kind of
late, we should probably head home."

"Uhàyeahà" he said nodding his head in agreement, "We'll see you, Buffy."

"Yeahàsee ya around."

Buffy looked on at the two as they walked away hand-in-hand.  She
supposed that she was happy for himàhappy that he found the happiness he
deserved to have.  Yet, the thickness in her throat, the heaviness of her
heart, and the tears that she held within, spoke of otherwise.

*~*~*

She wasn't sure what made her decide to come to the wedding.  The first
thing she had decided when hearing the wedding date was that she was
going to avoid it all cost.  Yet, as the date drew nearer and
conversations with Xander grew to an almost daily concept, she knew she
had to go.  She had to move on and she had to be a friend, and seeing
Xander happy and his relationship with Grace in a real-to-life
perspective than just through the descriptive tendencies of Xander, would
cause her to do just that.  Of course, that might have happened if indeed
he had gotten marriedà

*~*~*

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