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buffyfic-digest       Sunday, December 13 1998       Volume 02 : Number 393



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Torn (5/?)
       BUFFYFIC: "Save Tonight" 1/1

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Fri, 11 Dec 1998 13:23:59 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (5/?)

TITLE: Torn
AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Why, thank you, I'd love some!
DISTRIBUTION: my site. Anyone else, please ask. I will say yes, I just like to
know where my work is going.
SUMMARY: Willow is forced to choose between Xander and Oz, but neither Oz nor
Xander are willing to let Willow go
SPOILERS: through Lover's Walk
RATING: PG for this part.
DISCLAIMER: Willow, Oz, Xander, and the rest of Buffy & Co. are not mine. They
belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, etc.

Torn
Part Five


Willow walked hurriedly along the sidewalk, shivering in the late night
darkness. Oh, she hated walking alone at night! She gripped the stake
concealed in her jacket pocket, reassuring herself with the touch of the rough
wood. Buffy would kill her if she knew Willow was out alone at this hour.

But she didn't have a choice, she had to get to Oz's house. She had to tell
him. After her encounter with Xander, she wanted nothing more right this
minute than to be with the man she loved and tell him wholeheartedly that he
*was* the man she loved, without a doubt. She had to tell Oz.

As she and Oz had parted ways earlier that night, things had been shaky,
uncertain. Doubts still lingered. A start had been made, but Willow knew Oz
still didn't quite have faith in her professions of love. And rightfully so.

But now she *knew*. She really really knew. How could she ever have mistaken
teenage hormonal lust and and unrequited crush for true love? Lust was what
she and Xander had.

Love was what she and Oz had.

Willow turned a corner and Oz's house came into view. His bedroom light was
on. Willow broke into a slow run, half from her desire to see Oz, and half
from just wanting to get off the open streets.

Willow let out a shriek of surprise when a figure dropped in front of her from
the trees above.

"Where you off to in such a hurry at this hour, luv?" Spike drawled, his
platinum hair shining eerily in the moonlight, a leering smile on his face.

*****

Oz sat in his room, strumming his guitar, looking over the band's new music
and trying to acquaint his fingers with the new chords.

Seeing Willow earlier that evening had cheered his mood somewhat. But he still
felt uncertain. She said she loved him. But did she really?

He hadn't even meant to say he loved her. He was still too hurt, still
confused. But it had slipped out.

But her eyes had lit up, and she smiled that sweet smile of hers, the one he
loved so much. And some of his doubts had dissipated. Even more had vanished
when she said she loved him too.

But some still remained. Especially a big one named Xander Harris. He let
himself imagine Xander crumbling to dust, just like the vampires he dealt
with. And Oz grinned as he let himself imagine he was the one who staked him.

Of course, he didn't really want Xander dead. But it was nice to imagine. Life
with no Xander would be a lot easier on his relationship with Willow.

Oz stopped strumming the guitar for a moment. He thought he heard something
outside.  He focused, letting his keen werewolf hearing take over. He *had*
heard something.

Then he heard a scream. A scream that sounded decidedly like Willow.

He dropped the guitar and got up, pulling back the curtain to his window. It
was Willow.

And Spike.

"Dammit," Oz swore, turning and running out of his bedroom at breakneck speed.

****

Xander followed Willow, keeping to the darkness and shadows. After she'd fled
his house, he'd grabbed his jacket and taken off after her, telling himself he
just didn't want anything to happen to her and he was going to make sure she
got home safely.

But his real reason was he wanted to make sure she didn't go to Oz's house.

Much to his disappointment, she *had* headed for Oz's house. He kept following
her, wanting to make his presence known, but if he'd done that he would have
had a heck of a time explaining why he was playing Stalker Boy.

Xander kept a good fifty feet behind Willow, occasionally ducking behind trees
when she looked over her shoulder.

Then Xander heard Willow scream. He immediately abandoned his evasive
manuevers and took off running, skidding to a stop behind Willow when he saw
Spike.

*****

Willow heard running footsteps behind her. She turned her head quickly,
grabbing her stake, preparing for the vampire's attack.

"Whoa, no!" a familiar voice said when he saw Willow poised to stake. "Only
me."

Only Xander.

More running footsteps, off to the side this time. Willow spun back around. Oz
came into view in the light of the streetlamps.

"What is this, Slayerette's night out?" Spike commented. "Oh well, I always
liked a party. Come on out!"

At Spike's command at least ten vampires dropped down from the trees.

Willow, Xander, and Oz were surrounded.

End Part Five

------------------------------

Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1998 12:34:02 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Save Tonight" 1/1

TITLE: Save Tonight
AUTHOR: [e-mail]
DISCLAIMER: I neither own anything from the Buffy realm nor the song "Save
Tonight" by Eagle Eye Cherry.
RATING: PG/PG-13
SPOILERS: None. Pre-Lover's Walk.
FEEDBACK: Please! Only constructive criticism, though. Thanks.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is pretty much one of Xander and Willow's meetings bet=
ween
Revelations and Lover's Walk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*God, Xander,* Willow thought late one Friday night. *Why do I have to lov=
e
you so much when I have Oz. Willow sat sadly on her bed as she thought abo=
ut
her options. *I really like Oz, but I've love Xander, well, forever. I can=
't
just throw my feelings away.*

Willow heard her outside door open and turned to look who it was. "Xander,=
"
she frowned. "You shouldn't have come."

"Can I come in, Will?" Xander asked as he looked at her with puppy dog eye=
s.

"I, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Please," he pleaded, his voice desperate.

Willow stood there for a moment, debating all the pros and cons of letting=
 him
in. "Fine," she sighed, and he stepped inside. "But this has to be the las=
t
time.

//Go on and close the curtains
cause all we need is candle light
You and me and a bottle of wine
going to hold you tonight
Well we know I'm going away
and how I wish, I wish it weren't so
So take this wine and drink with me
let's delay our misery//

Before Willow knew what was happening, Xander grabbed her and leaned in to
kiss her.

"Xander," she sighed, turning her head, "we can=92t do this. We can=92t ke=
ep doing
this. I have Oz, and you have have Cordelia. It isn=92t right. In fact, it=
=92s
totally wrong."

"Willow," he asked, "how can something that feels so right be so wrong?"

"I don=92t know," she frowned. "It, it just is. But, God, it feels so righ=
t. I
mean, I love Oz so much, but you make me feel so, so=85happy. I don=92t kn=
ow what
I=92d do without=85But we can=92t."

"Live in the now. Oz and Cordy will never find out. And this will be the l=
ast
time we do this. Seize the day."

//Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone
Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone//

"Carpe diem," Willow whispered. "Seize the day. Funny, the last time I gav=
e
that advice and someone followed it, it tore Buffy and Angel apart. Buffy
seized alright. And look what happened."

"It doesn=92t have to be like that, Will," he said softly. "We=92re not Bu=
ffy and
Angel or star-cross=92d lovers. We=92re different, special. I can=92t imag=
ine life
without Cordy, but I can=92t live life without you. You=92re different fro=
m her.
She cares about me, Willow, and I care about her. But you, whenever I see =
you
I feel so, so=85 "

"I can=92t live without you, either. I=92ve wanted this for so long, ever =
since we
were in the sixth grade. But this isn=92t the way I wanted it. I wished th=
at we
would both be single when you started to see me as more than a friend, tha=
t
you would see me in the hall or in the library and would kiss me right on =
the
lips. It wouldn=92t have taken homecoming or fancy clothes or whatever to =
make
it happen. I don=92t want to hurt Oz or Cordy. And that=92s why this can=
=92t
happen." Tears started to drip down  her cheek.

//There's a log on the fire
and it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
to take me away it's true
It ain't easy to say goodbye
darling please don't start to cry
Cause girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so//

"Don=92t cry, please," he whispered as he put his hand on her face. "You c=
an=92t
be sad. You make me so happy, and I can=92t be happy when you=92re so sad.=
 All I
want is for you to be happy."

"All I want is for me to be happy, too. But I can=92t be, not as long as I=
=92m
lying to Oz and Cordelia and Buffy and, most importantly, myself. The only=
 way
that I can be happy is if you leave. Please, go, for me."

"I can=92t do that. I can=92t go, not when I care for you so much." This o=
nly made
Willow more upset. "Fine," he said, disappointed. "I=92ll go. But only und=
er one
condition. Tell me that you don=92t love me."

"Xander, it=92s complicated=85" Willow started to speak.

"TELL ME THAT YOU DON=92T LOVE ME!" he shouted at her in frustration.

"No," she cried, her voice hoarse. "I can=92t. I can=92t lie to you, too."=


Xander proceeded to move his hand down her face and gently run his finger =
over
her lips. He then kissed her, to her surprise. She welcomed the kiss, thou=
gh,
and kissed his back.

//Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone
Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone//

But Willow pulled away after a few seconds. "Promise me," she said quietly=
,
"promise me that you won=92t come back after this, that you won=92t kiss m=
e or
touch me or make me feel this way. Promise that you won=92t make me happy,=
 at
least not this way."

"But I can=92t. And I know I=92m being selfish, but I can=92t. I can=92t l=
ive without
this. You=92re different from anybody else I=92ve ever been with. With Cor=
dy, I
don=92t know how she feels. But with you, I know you. I feel what you=92re
feeling. I=92m going through what you=92re going through."

"Please, Xander, I=92m not going to do this again." Willow wiped the tears=
 off
her face and showed a sad smile.

"Okay," he finally gave in. "Than let=92s make tonight special. I love you=
,
Will." He kissed her again as they sat down on her bed. Her hand held the =
back
of his head as he kissed her neck.

//Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I, that I could stay
Girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so//

Willow sighed and pulled his face up to hers. "Xander," she said confident=
ly.
"I love you, too." With that, she kissed him passionately. He welcomed her
kisses as his hands held her warmly. She then pulled him onto the covers w=
ith
her=85

//Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone
Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone//
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, what did ya  think?

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #393
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