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buffyfic-digest       Saturday, December 5 1998       Volume 02 : Number 388



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter)
       BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Fri, 4 Dec 1998 18:48:28 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter)

TITLE: Twilight
AUTHOR: Shadows
DISTRIBUTION: Oh, pretty please?
DISCLAIMER: I know that if I break 'em, I buy 'em. But for now they aren't
mine. You just wait, though. I don't handle merchandise well . . .
NOTE: I've given up trying to figure out whch chapter I'm on. So sorry. Right
now they're just given as "next chapter" adn eventually "last chapter" because
for some reason, I can't count them right, adn I don't want to mess you up
more than I've already had. But if you look REALLY hard, the story does make
sense. So, uh, here ya go.


Twilight - Next Chapter



        "I heard the truth about you."
        -Why I Don't Believe In God, Everclear



    The worried, hushed voices outside the office were to low for Xander to make
out words, but the noise itself irritated Xander as he sat on the ground,
pinned uncomfortably against the wall, and bound by chains and metal bric-a-
brac. It seemed like he had been here forever, but he knew that he had been
here only for a few hours. And some internal clock of his was * sure * that it
would soon be sunset. And the dull fear in his stomach was now erupting into
something much larger.

    Xander had tried falling asleep, but he only got quick five-minute naps
because his body kept forcing him awake. He was afraid to just think, because
sooner or later he'll start talking to himself and that would be driving
himself insane. So Xander was spending most of his time just staring at the
white-washed walls with his mind completely blank. It was like any regular
school day-except after dark, he wouldn't be trying to fight vampires, he'd *
be * one.

    It was incredibly boring in here. Xander had often wondered, in a slightly
morbid way, what would be his last thoughts before he died. Now that he was
having them, he realized that they were very dull. But the strangest thing was
that right now, he didn't' really care if he died. He wouldn't want to live as
a vampire, and going through this quick torture of turning into one was enough
to send him over the suicidal brink.

    A memory of Willow and he when they were seven floated through his mind. It
was funny, but you had to be there to be in the moment. Xander and Willow had
been watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas," and then out of nowhere Willow started
humming that dreidel song. The two of them had found it hilarious, and
afterwards they always hummed it during the Christmas showing, just for the
fun of it, even when they were sixteen & seventeen. Sigh. Memories.

    Xander leaned his head back on the cool surface of the wall, closing his eyes
and sighing loudly. They must've heard it outside, because suddenly the voices
and the shuffling were stopped. Then, after awhile, they continued again, and
Xander laughed.

    "I'm so sick and tired of being alive," he told the room. "I want it all to
go away."

    "Don't ever wish that," said a sad voice behind him.

    Startled, Xander practically jumped out of his skin, and then tried in vain
to twist himself sideways so that he could see his roommate. Although it was
irritating, he could finally twist his head far enough so that he could make
out a face.

    In a second, red-hot anger flowed through his veins and his face vamped out.
He struggled with all his might against his chains, racking against the wall,
and he let out a bellow of a roar.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -----------------------------

    At the sound of the roar, Willow jumped out of her chair. She, Buffy, and
Giles exchanged nervous glances, and then all three turned to look out the
window. At least a half hour until sunset. There was still time . . . to
decide.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -------------------------

    The chains that bound him most certainly bound him, and no matter how many
times he was trying to break free it just wasn't happening. So finally, he lay
slumped there in defeat, glaring with yellow, hate-filled eyes at the person
who stood a ways from him . . . Angel.

    "Come near me and I * swear * I'll break free," Xander growled, still working
the chains, although he wasn't too exuberant anymore. He was breathing
heavily, more out of habit than of actual need. If anything, the shackles and
handcuffs seemed much more tighter pressed against his skin.

    Meanwhile, Angel was still standing there, with a strange sadness in his
face, along with the feeling of repulsiveness. He peered at Xander, as if to
examine him closely, and as he walked nearer Xander watched his every move
with wary demon eyes.

    Finally, Angel knelt before Xander, examine every crook of his vamped-out
face. Xander could only sit there, unable to do anything but growl
ferociously. Then Angel spoke:

    "What did he * do * to you?" he asked, his voice laced with hidden pain.

    Xander looked at him in surprise. ". . . the hell . . .?"

    "How could I have done this?" Angel continued, his face twisted with inner
angst. He looked pitiful-probably as much as Xander did at that moment. "How
could I have done this to Buffy?"

    Xander was going to blurt out a "Do you remember * who * you are?" to the
creepy form of the vampire that stood before him, but the mention of Buffy
once again angered him. "How could you do this to * BUFFY * ?" he screamed at
the vampire. "Dammit, will you people notice who's the real victim here?"

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -------------------------

    Buffy was busy twiddling her thumbs, Willow was busying herself with trying
to figure out what her totem animal was, and Giles was being Giles. Buffy,
though, was the only one listening to this conversation Xander was apparently
having with himself.

    He's going insane, Buffy told her head. Sometimes I think I am too.

    You are, retorted the voice. More and more you keep coming to me. Get a
stuffed animal or a shrink. I've got better things to do with my time. Then
the voice clicked itself off again.

    Buffy's grip on the edge of the table tightened considerably, while her grip
on reality slid back down the rope a little.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -------------------------

    Angel stepped back as though Xander's words were a physical prescense,
pushing him backwards. Then he blinked at Xander, and then said, "You don't
get it."

    "No * duh * , Dead Boy," Xander said hotly. "One minute your toying with the
idea of making me a demon and the next you * apologize * for it? No crap I
don't get it. Would you?"

    Angel did some more of his mournful blinking-stare things and then turned to
Giles' desk, which had been cleared in case Vampire Xander felt the need to
throw things at the Slayer. Angel looked at it, stared at the glassy wood, and
then rested his hand on it.

    Well, that's what he looked like he meant to do. What really happened was the
act of his hand going straight through I, and acquiring a sort of ghostly
glow. Xander sucked in his breath, and then withdrew it sharply. "What was
that?" he asked, suddenly afraid. Angel the poltergeist? Too weird.

    But wait. Why would Angel be ghost-like? He was still alive: very much so,
and making more of his kind. Yet, here was a spirit talking to him-

    "Whatever you are, you better get the hell out of here before I figure out a
way out of these chains. 'Cause I'll kill you-"

    "I'm not here for you to hate me," Angel said. "I'm here so that you can give
Buffy a message."

    Xander snarled. "I'm not going to her anything from * you * ," he sneered.
"I'd rather die."

    "You are," Angel said sadly. "I can't believe that I did this to you."

    "What the hell * are * you?"

    Angel paused. He traced dust on the table with his fingers, not stirring it
at all. When he finally looked up at Xander, his face seemed to have paled.
"I'm the soul. The good, of Angelus."

    "My life is not * too * complicated," Xander muttered. "You're * what * ?"

    "I can't explain this all to you now, Xander. I only have some time to appear
to you. Even though you have vampire psychic powers, you don't have the amount
that makes me able to stay longer. Ah . . ." he trailed off. "Willow isn't
trained enough to receive that kind of communication either."

    " * Willow * ?" Xander exploded. He tried to stand up, but those chains
pulled him down before he ever stood. " * What * is she not trained for?"

    Angel's eyes grew wider. "I-I'm not the one to tell the information. It's not
my place . . ." he acquired a pained expression. "I only have something for
Buffy."

    Thousand of possibilities were flashing through Xander's mind, but the
forming thoughts were slowly slipping away from him, like pouring water. Then
the thoughts were gone altogether, and Xander was left with only the faint
impression of Willow's image in his mind-not at all unusual.

    "What message do I have to give her?" Xander grunted. "That is, if I still
have my * soul * ." Angel didn't bat an eyelash.

    "I want you to tell her that I said to kill me." He swallowed. "Kill me
already. I can't stand to see me doing all this torture you her-to you-to
everyone. And it hurts to know that I'm feeling great about it all."

    "I've been telling her that for what-forever?" Xander said. "What'll make her
listen now? Like she'll really believe me. She doesn't listen to anything that
I say. Otherwise you would've been dust so very long ago."

    Angel nodded. "I know. This is a slim chance, but she might listen . . . you
never know what can happen. She just might see that you aren't lying, and-"

    Angel cut off mid-sentence as his image started to flicker. "I can't stay
long," he rushed. "I have to go back. Xander, promise me you'll tell her.
Please . . ."

    Xander looked the vampire-soul coldly in the eye, keeping his mouth firmly
shut. "You can count on me to say it," he said icily, "and you can count on me
to do it myself if I have to."

    The image faded and flickered away without another word. The silence once
again settled around him, and the voices outside increased in volume. They ran
together, like a stream, and Xander's thoughts flowed with them. He was so
tired, so confused, and above all, so bitter . . .

    And then the pain came.

End of this chapter.Next one right after it's (badly)edited.
~Shadows~

------------------------------

Date: Sat, 5 Dec 1998 19:34:11 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (next chapter)

TITLE: Twilight
AUTHOR: Shadows
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Oh please please pretty please? With blood on top? E-mail me for
permission!
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, Kuzui
productions, and all teh other lucky folks.



Twilight - Next Chapter

        "I don't know him anymore."
        -Torn, Natalie Imbruglia


    Buffy and Willow were discussing one of the passages from the rest of
Reginald's journal when the thundering scream of pain came bursting out of the
room. Willow dropped the journal and covered here ears. Buffy did the same.
There was a swear from the bookshelves and Giles came running out, a
frightened expression on his face.

    Then the scream ended as abruptly as it had started. There was no sound
whatsoever, and everyone in the room exchanged nervous glances. Willow looked
downright scared.

    "Oh god, it's Xander," she whispered. "What's he going through . . .?"

    Another scream came, one much more louder and sounded vaguely like he was
yelling "Help!". It ended in gurgling sounds and then there was only the sound
of metal scraping against metal. Willow looked nervously at Buffy.

    "Maybe we should-" she started.

    "No." Giles had sat down hard next to her, and was staring at the room a
though he were in a daze: as they all were. "We can't go in there. It doesn't
sound safe.

    Something hit the wall-they didn't know what-hit the door and it bent under
the weight. They all held their breaths, but the door stood firm. The object
kept bouncing around the room though, thumping against the emptiness.

    What * is * going on there?, Buffy asked herself, The voice provided no
comment.


- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -----------------------

    A twisted growl escaped from somewhere deep inside Xander as he was once
again tossed at one of the walls like a rag doll. His body convulsed terribly
as he hit the floor hard, and the metal that still hung on to his handcuffed
hands reared up and slapped him in the face. He roared in pain as another jolt
of seeming-electricity shot through his body. It was really the demon trying
to claim its new territory, and it was extremely pissed off that it was taking
more time than usual.

    The world spun once more, and Xander's handcuffs finally burst as his hands
were brought to his aching head. Visions from another place entered his
shaking mind-of a place dark and red with fire, Hell. Of places cold and dark
and without color and feeling, limbo. Horrible things that this demon had done
flashed through his mine, and he moaned loudly for all that he saw. And within
seconds, he was airborne again, as the demon tried to burrow his way into
Xander's body and kick his soul out for good.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -------------------------

    As the sounds of struggle subsided to a low growl and the occasional howl,
Buffy eyed her Watcher. He, in turn, looked at his watch, and noticed that it
was about time sunset would be over. He looked at the watch and nodded. It was
twilight indeed.

    The growl was fading, and then there was only the sound of clacking metal.
Willow's nails were digging into her skin, and Buffy had long ago broken the
arms of the chair that she was sitting in. Now Giles nodded at her and gave
her to go ahead. With a nervous glance at Willow, Buffy rose and walked to the
office.

    The door opened easily, and Buffy gasped as she entered. The desk was
overturned and sitting clear across the room, in a corner. The chains were in
molten metal chunks scattered all over the room, and there were dents and
scuffs in the wall and in the door. Xander was no where in sight.

    Yeah right. Buffy had been sneaked up by seemingly invisible vampires before.
She turned around in a circle, and then decided that Xander must be behind the
desk. Why he was hiding, she had no idea.

    Slowly, she climbed up on the desk and looked over. Xander was there, turned
away from her and curled up, shivering, in the fetal position. His clothes
were slightly ripped and torn, and he was stuck up against the walls, remnants
of the handcuffs still around his wrists.

    "Xander?" Buffy asked.

    Upon hearing the sound of her voice, Xander froze. Slowly he began to uncurl
himself, and still facing away, he stood up. Once all straightened up, he said
in a flat and emotionless voice, "Please leave."

    Buffy paused. Should she go? What should she say? This was very awkward. So
she didn't do anything at all. She just stood there, spinning the stake in her
hand, and wondering if Xander was suddenly going to turn around and eat her
for dinner-or breakfast.

    "Did you here what I said?" Xander's voice was very soft, almost so that she
couldn't hear it. He turned his head to the side, so that she could she his
outline, but then he turned back to facing the wall. "Please leave. I'll . . .
be out there soon."

    Buffy turned around on her heel without saying at word. What * would * she
say? Anything and everything would come out stupid. Buffy realized that
conversation would be very hard to deal with Xander from now, unless they were
arguing. That would always be easy.

    Willow and Giles were anxiously searching her face as she exited, and with
reading her look as "confused," they were equally so. "So I assume that Xander
has not been taken over by the demon?" Giles asked, straight to the point.

    "No, he . . . wants to be alone," Buffy said, walking up to them. They all
huddled around each other in front of the mirror. "He said he'd be out there
soon. I . . . don't want to rush him."

    "You shouldn't," Giles agreed. "None of this should be taken lightly in the
least.

    "What he must be going through . . ." Willow trailed off.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- ------------------------

    Since all three of them were standing in front of the mirror, it was a joke
that Xander had to sneak out of the library. Instead, he just casually walked
by, his footfalls making not a sound, his reflection not appearing. They were
utterly oblivious to his escape. They didn't even hear the swinging doors shut
behind him as he left the library with only one thought on his mind.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -------------------------

    "It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Willow asked. Oz had appeared a few minutes
earlier, and now the four of them were sitting in the library, waiting for
Xander to come out. He still hadn't, and now they were getting worried-and
Buffy suspicious. Willow gave Buffy a nervous glance, and Buffy turned towards
Giles as to ask, * What do I do * ? Oz just looked back and forth between all
of them.

    "Maybe you should check on him," Oz offered. "See if he needs help or
anything with, uh, something. I don't know. Whatever's keeping him locked up
in there."

    Giles agreed. "We should check up on him. We don't know exactly if Xander is
well or not. Remember what happened with Jacob and Seth-"

    "Well, than why didn't he attack Buffy?" Willow asked, in defense of her
friends Even if Xander was a demon, she would never come to terms with it. It
wasn't Xander. And it was * not * his fault.

    "I'm going to check on him," Buffy said, putting her hands down on the table
and rising out of the chair. "Wish me luck." She walked over to the office and
entered.

    Immediately she reappeared, her face pale. "What is it?" Willow demanded, her
stomach suddenly cold and empty with fear.

    "He's not there," Buffy informed them. "He . . . left."

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- -------------------------

    The factory had burned down, so for now Angelus, Drusilla, and Spike were
homeless. In a sense. They were currently residing in an old and disgusting
abandoned warehouse next door to the smoldering remains, until they found
someplace new that they liked. And considering Dru's picky taste, they might
be here for awhile, because neither Spike nor Angelus wanted to upset their
unstable psychic vampire.

    "Angel . . ." Drusilla walked up behind him from where he sat in the chair.
With her two index fingers, she traced an invisible pattern on his shoulders.
"The stars are whispering sweet secrets again," she told him in his ear. Then
she giggled and snapped her teeth, pulling far back so that Angel couldn't
turn around and catch her in a kiss. She laughed and danced far away from
Angel to the other side of the room, with Spike.

    Spike, who had been watching the little scene from his wheelchair, glared at
Dru as she sat comfortably in his lap. "The stars speak of such things the
moon would never tell," she announced to both her lovers. "The moon knows
nothing. It's all in the stars. Thoughts . . ."

    She trailed off, staring dreamily at absolutely nothing on this plane. Her
long black hair fell down her knobby, bare shoulders, and her large black eyes
were glassy and glazed. "Do you want to know what the stars had to say about
everything?" she whispered to the ceiling.

    "Do tell, Dru," Angel said, turning around in her chair. Drusilla looked back
at him and then let out a throaty laugh.

    "To do, with you, angel, but not you only," Dru laughed. She leaned close to
Spike as though to kiss him, but instead she whispered in a low voice. "The
oak'll win in the end. As it should be."

    "Speak up, Dru dear," Angel said. "I didn't quite catch it."

    "The oak." Drusilla repeated again. She leaped off of Spike's lap and walked
around the room, idly wringing her hands. "It wins, we lose, but we can always
tell from the lie. Can we?" She directed this question more to herself than
anyone else. "Sometimes we can't. But we are very clever, vampires we are.
Agree? Yes, I do too. Rather . . ." She let her sentence hang there, and then
fell to the floor, managing to land gracefully somehow. She looked down and
smoothed her red-and-black dress. "Where is Miss Lizbette? She must retire for
the night. It is awfully cold for my dolly . . ."

    Angel sighed and went back to his evil-little brooding thing he had going on.
Concocting a plan to screw with Buffy's mind even more, he was bothered by
Drusilla's outbursts, especially when they meant absolutely nothing. And this
time, her visions seemed like gibberish. Hence, he ignored her.

    Spike sighed and rolled his wheelchair further into the shadows. Drusilla, no
matter how recovered she seemed, still had her little, subtle bouts of lunacy.
When she got this way, it was best to ignore her or and it was definitely not
good to humor her. It only encouraged her.

    "Someone is coming to visit," Drusilla announced again. "We are to have
company. Look your best and impress your father, Dru!"

Oh great, Spike thought. As much as he loved her, when she went into her
first-personage, it got fast real quick. Let's just hope that she doesn't
start reenacting her twelfth birthday. It's a killer. Makes me wish I was
dead-again.

    Suddenly there was the sound of thumping footsteps behind him, and Spike
twisted his neck around. Not too far, in the shadows, was the still form of
that human creep, Xander.

    "What the hell is he doing here?" Spike asked, getting both Angel and Dru's
attention. They looked at the boy, Angel with a slightly confused face, and
Drusilla with a happy smile. Spike was upset.

    "I ask again, * what * in the bloody hell is he doing here?"

    Angel was about to explain when Xander emerged out of the shadows, at the
same time morphing his face into it's evil visage. He grinned widely, exposing
his fangs. "Figure it out for yourself, Spike," he told the vampire,
practically leering.

    Spike was shocked, Angel was figuring out what was to become of this, and Dru
was rising from where she was on the floor, hands clasped tightly in joy. "Oh
goodie," she said, walked towards him as though she were floating on air.

    "A new playmate."

End of this chapter. almost done with the next! (:
< beg > feeback wanted! < / beg >
~Shadows~

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #388
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