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buffyfic-digest       Monday, November 30 1998       Volume 02 : Number 381



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (7c/?)
       BUFFYFIC: Twilight (1/?)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Mon, 30 Nov 1998 12:24:09 PST
From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (7c/?)

     Since the whole thing didn't post properly last time, I'm sending
it out again.


TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. Xander and Cordelia find
themselves at odds in Las Vegas when they run across an old enemy. The
"two mysterious strangers" from Chapter Five(e) are revealed, and they
mess with Xander's mind.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: For those of you who were waiting for the newest
installation of XIJ, I'd like to apologize for taking so long. As you
may notice, this chapter approaches 10,000 words in size! That took a
long time to write, plus the fact that I had writer's block for a couple
of weeks, and the power went down one day and I had to rewrite almost
2000 words of the story. But finally, here it is. Tell me what you
think!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

***

    Mornings were not Xander's strong suit. In fact, it could be stated
honestly that Xander hated mornings more than any other time of the day
or night; the only things that could rile him more were math and being
stalked by evil supernatural monsters. Fortunately, his math class was
several hundred miles away, and the only supernatural evil in town was
being held captive in the next room with Cordelia diligently guarding
him...
    Okay, now he was awake. In fear and panic over what he had done the
night before--leaving Spike with Cordy? was he crazy? what had he been
thinking?-- he stood and dashed into the other room, sure that he would
see a broken chair and Cordelia's drained husk... *Try not to think
about it*, he said to himself; *just take a look and make sure nothing's
wrong.* Xander's hands shook as he pushed the door fully open, and he
had a moment of nauseating deja vu as he remembered what had happened in
Bakersfield.
    The room came slowly into view, like a tension shot from a cheap horror
movie, revealing... Xander cocked his head to the side, unable to
believe what he was seeing. A grin tried to surface, but he managed to
submerge--just barely. Because there, in the center of the room, sat a
table; on one side, Cordelia, and on the other, Spike, his body still
bound to the chair but his hands free up to the wrists. Most
unbelievable of all, on the table between them, several piles of cards.
As Xander watched for a few moments, Cordelia laid down a card and Spike
retrieved it, laying down one of his own; a euphoric look crossed
Cordy's face as she began to lay down all of her cards in neat stacks.
Spike growled low in his throat as she discarded her last card into the
proper pile, a prim--if gloating--smile etched on her features.
    "Damn it!" he roared. "Not again! That's the tenth time in a row! Are
you sure you're not stacking the deck?" Cordelia shook her head, losing
her smile as she saw Xander walking into the room.
    "I kinda got bored," she said sheepishly, "and you were asleep. Can you
believe this place doesn't even have cable?" Xander was unable to
contain himself anymore and let loose his laughter, picking up Cordelia
and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Well," she said, a new smile
forming on her face, "good morning to you too."
    "It's my turn for ghoul watch," he told her kindly. "Why don't you go
get us some breakfast, and then get some sleep? We can decide what to do
with Spike tonight, after you're rested up." She nodded, went to the
bathroom for a quick change of clothes, and returned, picking up her
keys as she passed. At the door, she stopped and turned around.
    "What do want for breakfast?" she asked.
    "Well," said Spike unexpectedly, "a nice pint would hit the spot right
about now..."
    "Nothing for our guest, I'm afraid," said Xander quickly, his smile
turning to a moue of distaste. He turned to Spike. "I'm sorry that we
can't offer you anything, but the blood banks are closed today."
    "Quite all right," Spike responded with mock politeness. "I'm sure I
can go without another night... maybe."
    As Cordelia left, their eyes locked, a silent battle of wills raging
between them. Walking to her car, she wondered what was going to happen
to them all; she pushed such serious concerns out of her head as she
started to calculate possible prices for breakfast and locales at which
to purchase it.

***

    When Cordelia returned, she was shocked and dismayed by the sight that
greeted her. The inside of her room was a tunnel of devastation, from
the overturned table, to the shattered lamp, to the broken chair. She
paused, looking at the scene; something about it struck her as even
worse than usual, but she couldn't place it. Her eyes darted back and
forth in terror as she realized what it was. Dropping the bags of food
on the bed, her eyes continued to fixate on the broken chair; the only
chair in the room, with torn rope and broken links of chain scattered
around it.
    Spike was free.
    Close to utter panic now, she convinced herself that, since it was
daylight out, Spike still had to be in here someplace. The thought did
little to comfort her. She began to make her way across the darkened
room, stopping only a moment to open the curtains and let the sunshine
in. She started to call for Xander, softly at first, then scaling up to
a full-scale screech of terror as she entered the other room.
    "Here," called Xander's voice from the opposite bathroom. "I'm in
here." Cordelia made her way into the bathroom, expecting the worst,
instead finding Xander sitting nonchalantly on the edge of the bathtub.
He had an ugly bruise on the side of his face, but was otherwise
unharmed. What garnered her full attention, however, was Spike: the
vampire, probably one of the most dangerous and evil they had ever
faced, lay unmoving in the tub, trussed up like Hannibal Lector, every
appendage tied together and his face taped closed with duct tape. She
opened her mouth in surprise, then closed it again in surprise, unable
to think of anything to say.
    He just looked back at her with an innocent expression on his boyish
face. "What?" Realizing that she would hardly accept the "Who, me?"
route, he tried again. "Well, he managed to escape from his bonds, but
utilizing my knowledge of martial arts and military tactics... What
now?" he asked, seeing the look of frank incredulity on his girlfriend's
face. Having tried innocence and false bravado, he finally decided to go
for the truth. Downcasting his eyes, he said, "All right, all right...
Boy, you sure know how to break a guy's ego--and without saying a word
either..." He sighed. "I don't know why, but he let me win. While you
were gone, I started questioning him again, mainly about Drusilla. I
don't like the idea that we don't know where she is; one super-powerful
vamp in town is bad enough, and by capturing him, we might have
attracted her. After a little bit of that line sort of thing, he freaked
out, vamped out, and broke out.
    "We fought--I still had that pool cue--and I think that I was doing
pretty good right up until he faked me out and got a shot in." He rubbed
the black and blue mark on his left cheek, a spot that was already
fading to a mustard yellow. "I went down, hard, and I guess I blacked
out for a minute. When I came to, Spike was just standing over me, not
even really looking at me. He had changed back into his human shape and
was just... standing there... with his fists clenched. He was shaking,
and finally he just collapsed on his own. I never even touched him. When
he fell, I tied him back up and put him in the tub." He looked over at
his prisoner. "Maybe I overdid it a little. But anyway, I had just
finished mummifying him when you came in; that's why I didn't answer
right away--Spike's a lot heavier than he looks."
    Cordelia had been silent for the length of Xander's explanation, and
now he saw on her face a look he found alien to her features: one of
solemnity. As he watched her internally debate whatever she was thinking
about, he realized that her face was much more suited to gaiety and
lightness than to sorrow or serious matters. While it did not make her
ugly--he didn't think that anything could make her truly ugly--it did
detract from her charisma, and he realized why she was so rarely
serious; it wasn't because she couldn't be severe or somber, it was that
she had decided not to be out of vanity. He almost smiled at the idea,
but Cordelia's words cut him off.
    "We should stake him. Now. Before he wakes up," she proclaimed in slow,
even tones. Xander looked at her in shock. While he had staked vampires
before, and he had even longed to stake Spike at one time, he had never
done so in cold blood. Killing a vampire who was trying to kill you was
one thing, but to kill a helpless opponent? That was murder, regardless
of the species. As he was trying to decide how to put these sentiments
into words that wouldn't ring hollow, he saw Cordelia leave the room,
than enter again carrying the sharpened pool cue. She stalked slowly
towards the prone demon, raising the makeshift stake slowly, the killing
intent written across her grave face.
    "No!" yelled Xander, leaping into her path and snatching the cue from
her hands. She struggled with him for a moment, finally relinquishing
her hold on the cue to beat her tiny fists (he had never realized her
hands were so small before) against his chest, tears of anger breaking
out despite her best efforts to control them. She pounded on him for a
moment, until he cast the pool cue aside and embraced her. She ceased
her attack and simply laid her hands against his shoulders, her face
pressing into his chest, her tears soaking his shirt, and they stayed
like that for a long time. At last, however, their hold on one another
broke, and they made their way into the next room to talk. When at last
words came, it was Xander who spoke.
    "We can't kill him," he said, the look in his eyes making it obvious
that he didn't like the idea at all.
    "Why not?!" she exclaimed, forgetting her need for quiet for a few
moments. Xander glared at her, and she repeated her question in a lower
tone of voice. "After all, he's tried to do it to all of us enough
times. Do you remember the time I got stuck in a closet with Willow for
twelve hours?" He did indeed remember, though he thought it prudent not
to say anything. "Vampire raids, assassination attempts, helping Angel
every step of the way..."
    "I don't think he was," Xander said quietly. "The only person Spike
hates more than Buffy is Angelus. And remember, until recently Spike was
confined to a wheelchair. I think he just finally got fed up with
Angelus controlling the place--and Drusilla--and went to Buffy for
help." Noticing the incredulous look on Cordelia's face, he went on. "He
told us about that 'deal' long before we even knew about it; and if he
and Buffy weren't working together--or at least, hadn't called some sort
of truce or cease-fire while Angelus was a threat--then how did Spike
get away alive? Or, as alive as he is, anyway?"
    "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!" Cordelia exclaimed. "All I
do know is, Spike's evil--way eviller than I ever was. He kills people,
he kills people for food! God only knows how many people he's killed so
far, and if we let him go, how many more will he kill?"
    "Rats," Xander said with a mirthless chuckle. "Ever since Drusilla left
him, he's been feeding on rats." He looked up at Cordy. "Before he
clocked me, I managed to get some things out of him. Not anything he
told me directly, but things I put together from his denials and his
vague evasions. Apparently, he helped Buffy out by distracting Angelus
at a crucial moment, then knocked out his own girlfriend. He pulled away
all the guards from Giles so I could get in and save our friendly
neighborhood Watcher. Then, while Buffy and Angelus dueled for the fate
of the world, he put Drusilla in his car and drove away; I think he
intended for them to go back to Europe, but something happened between
Sunnydale and Las Vegas. Drusilla was still in love with Angelus,
insanely so, and she figured that instead of helping her, Spike had
betrayed her. She dumped him and ran off to God-knows-where, and for the
last two weeks, Spike's been eating an alley rat every couple of days as
a chaser for his booze. What do you think now?"
    Cordelia's face was a mask of pity and horror. She knew what it was
like to love someone who didn't love you back, or to pretend to love
someone just to get something they had. She had been on both sides of
betrayal, and she now found it unpalatable.
    "It's kind of romantic, in a evil, sicko, Manson-family, hell-beast
sort of way," she said. "But I stand by my original argument: he's evil,
and he should be destroyed." Xander looked at her for a few moments
before he made his final decision.
    "Let's leave." Cordelia looked at him in disbelief. "It's not our place
to kill him, especially not as helpless as he is now. When he escaped,
he could have killed me, but he didn't. For that at least, I think he
deserves a chance. We'll pay our bill and leave, and just leave him in
the room." She turned away from him and gathered her things together. As
he watched her drift a little further away from him, he muttered, "I'm
sorry," so low that he barely heard it himself.
    They left the motel a few minutes later, still in silence, with the
inert body of their mortal enemy laying in the bathtub.

***

    "Hey, mister, are you all right," came the voice.
    He shook himself awake; it was well after nightfall. He checked his
body and found it unbound. Looking at the source of the voice, he found
an attractive young woman in her twenties, apparently a maid. How nice
of her to untie him! She bent down to look closer at his face, exposing
her ivory neck. He fixated on that throat, saliva beginning to drip in
his mouth. She seemed oblivious as he leaned closer, his breath almost
brushing her skin.
    Then, he stopped.
    Not knowing why, Spike stood up, pushed the protesting young woman
aside, and ran from the room. Once outside, the hot night air only
exacerbated his thirst, and he quickly looked for an alley where he
could find a rat. Such places were common in this city, and he found a
rat not long after. Chasing the slippery little fellow proved to be an
exhausting task, but one which he enjoyed; if he couldn't attack
humans--and he still didn't know why, but he couldn't--then the hunt was
just as good, because it took his mind off his lost princess, his angel
of the night.
    Slipping in a pile of wet garbage, he stumbled forward and would have
crashed headlong into the wall, save that he was caught by the shoulders
and hoisted back up. He began to curse the stranger, but stopped before
he truly started; something about the man's eyes forbade anger. The
stranger smiled broadly and began to speak.
    "I've got a proposal for you, Spike old boy. It's the same one I made
to a friend of yours not too long ago, and I think you'll like it...
though it might take a little longer to convince you than it did him."
    "I don't have any friends," said Spike bitterly. The little man in
front of him roared laughter.
    "You do now," he said cheerily, extending one hand. Spike, not knowing
what else to do, shook it. "We'll be hanging around together a lot, you
and me..." he said as he led the confused Spike further into the alley.
    "By the way, since we're going to be friends, you should know my name.
They call me... The Whistler..."

***

Excerpt from the audio journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris:

    "Conscience is a funny thing. It can drive us to the heights of light
or into the mouth of deepest darkness. It can inspire deeds worthy of
saints or crimes as heinous as any devil. In the end, conscience is what
truly defines us as human, because no other animal in the world has an
internal concept of good and evil. But is that concept something that we
develop for ourselves? Or is it a product of outside forces? A
combination of the two? We may not ever know. With the right influence,
maybe even an undead monster like Spike can find integrity and honor.
    "But if a man's conscience can overrule his judgment, who are we to say
that our personal sense of conscience is the right one? I let my
internal sense of right and wrong lead me down a destructive and selfish
path once before, and I refuse to do it again. I cannot judge Spike, no
matter the evil he may have wrought, or may wreak again in the future. I
am not fit to be a judge; sometimes I think I'm barely fit to be human.
    "For a long time, I thought that Buffy's whole 'Chosen One' spiel was
just some old legend made up to justify her abilities. Maybe it is, but
it's also the truth. Whatever she, or those like her, were chosen by, it
realized that normal people don't have the capacity to deal with horrors
on a regular basis. We begin to rationalize, to judge things by our own
standards--because those are the only standards we know.
    "This journey began as a way to purge my conscience, but now I know
it's something more. I now realize that we have been guided by some
outside force, possibly the same force that has always guided Buffy as
the Slayer, possibly another, but definitely by *something else*. This
trip is no longer just about salving my feelings of guilt at betraying
my friend--though that is still a part of it--but it is now about
conscience and about perspective. The power of the Slayer is not just
physical; it is the power to be the conscience of the world, the power
to keep a bigger perspective without losing the human one. Buffy is a
powerful fighter, but her biggest strength is that she can make the
tough decisions; not all the time--the early stages of the Angel crisis
proved that--but usually. She can make hard choices and live with them.
    "But now, even she has lost perspective. And it's because of me. This
search is not about me anymore; it's about saving Buffy from me, and
from herself. It's about restoring her point of view, so that she can
continue to do what she does best: make the hard choices. I've begun to
think that maybe Buffy would be happier if we just let her stay away, if
we let her live out the rest of her life in anonymity and peace. But we
can't do that; she has a duty, and whatever force is compelling me to
find her continues to drive that point home relentlessly.
    "Or maybe it's just my conscience."
    "End journal entry for June 1, 1998."


END CHAPTER SEVEN


Cutter Kinseeker
- -Chieftain of the Wolfriders
- -Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
- -Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
- -Keeper of Xander's firm belief that he could take Angelus with the help
of a bunch of orderlies, cops, doctors, and nurses (KBD)
- -Keeper of Xander's derisive sneer at Angelus (KBD)
- -Keeper of Xander's jaunty stake-whittling tune ("School Hard")
- -Keeper of Willow's longing gaze at Xander while he talks about the
unattainable ("Some Assembly Required")
- -Keeper of Giles' masochistic need to spar with Buffy
- -Keeper of Cordelia's divine request for aspirin ("School Hard")
- -Keeper of Buffy's need for a warning label (KBD)

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 30 Nov 1998 20:12:44 EST
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Twilight (1/?)

TITLE: Twilight
AUTHOR: Shadows
DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, they belong to Joss Whedon, so=
 why
are you handcuffing me?
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me at [e-mail]


Twilight - Chapter 1

 "I would swallow my doubt
 Turn it inside out
 Find nothing but faith in nothing"
=09=09 -Inside Out, Eve 6




"You think he's gonna wake up, Willow?"
=09=09=09
=09Buffy Summers sat-or rather, tried to-on the small, hard hospital bench
underneath the window in the hospital room, nervously wringing her thin li=
ttle
hands together. She wore a hospital gown herself, having been taken in as =
a
patient because of the severity of the flu she'd caught. Her face was as p=
ale
and livid as the paisley gown; but then again, hospital lighting did nothi=
ng
for her complexion.

=09Willow sat on the other side of the room, in one of the plush, cushiony
chairs that Buffy had refused. "I don't know," Willow said quietly, lookin=
g
over to her right, where a lightly snoring Ms. Harris slept, crunched up i=
nto
an uncomfortable position in the next chair. "He's had a really bad
experience. I mean . . ." She trailed off, not wanting to continue.

=09Willow had spent most of the time behind the tall bush calming Cordelia=
, who
for some reason would just not shut up. When she finally quieted down, Wil=
low
sneaked around the bush to check on Xander, and that's when she saw him
reaching out to drink Angel's blood.

=09Willow shuddered all of the sudden. "You ok, Will?" Buffy asked, worrie=
d.
Willow just nodded yes and then stared at the still form lying on the bed
before her.

=09IV's were poked in every place possible in Xander's skin, while blood,
oxygen, and other nutrients flowed through the transparent tubes, keeping
Xander alive. He himself was still very pale, and had been in a coma for t=
wo
days, although the wound on his neck had mysteriously disappeared.

=09At first, Willow had feared he had become a vampire, but the sunshine f=
rom
the open window that streamed across Xander's face disproved that notion.
Instead, she was worried that Xander had lost too much blood to ever wake =
up
from this coma of his.

Next to her, Ms. Harris tossed in her sleep and murmured something that
sounded vaguely like she was ordering Chinese food. All Saturday and Sunda=
y
she had stayed faithfully by Willow and Buffy's side, except for an hour o=
n
Sunday when she went to pray for Xander at church, although she was not a
church-going woman.

As for Buffy-well, she blamed herself for Xander's predicament. In fact, s=
he
was blaming herself for everything that Angel was doing. She didn't dare s=
peak
of Jenny Calendar to anyone and, in her short time she was spending at the
hospital, she was faithfully guarding Xander's room at night, in case
something cared to pay their respects after visiting hours. Willow had tol=
d
Buffy repeatedly to go back to her room, get some rest so that she could g=
et
better quick, but the Slayer said that she would get better as soon as Xan=
der
came out of his coma.

"I said Shoo-Mai sauce!" Ms. Harris yelled loudly as she suddenly woke up =
from
her sleep. She looked around, embarrassed, and then busied herself with
fluffing the seat cushion she had been sitting on for the past eight hours=
.

=09"So, Buffy, Willow . . ." she got up and dusted off her suit. Lynda Har=
ris
was a prominent lawyer in Sunnydale, and the woman lived and slept in suit=
s.
"I'm going down to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee . . . anybody wan=
t
something to drink? Something to eat? Anything I can get for you girls?"

=09"A-actually, you know, I think I'll go with you," Willow said, trading =
looks
between Lynda and Buffy. "I-I'm kind of hungry from being here so long. An=
d I
better call Oz, 'cause I said I would, and stuff." She gave a nervous smil=
e
and almost her reason to leave-Buffy needed to reconcile with Xander, even=
 if
Xander couldn't respond. She had so much pressure on her now: she didn't n=
eed
this too.

=09"Ok, Willow, grab me a Coke." Buffy still stared at Xander, a blank
expression on her face: a fa=E7ade for what was going on underneath. She l=
ooked
up to meet the sad, tired eyes of Lynda Harris. "I-if anything changes wit=
h
Xander, I'll get somebody to call you."

=09Lynda nodded, and before leaving the room, stepped by Willow and bent t=
o give
Xander a kiss. She matted his hair down in a loving way, and it was this
touching scene that teared-up Willow's eyes. Jordan Harris, Xander's fathe=
r,
had left Lynda and his son when he was only five years old, and Lynda had
never been close to her son since. They were like two strangers sharing on=
e
big, empty house. And now she was feeling guilty that the one thing that w=
ould
being her closer to her son would be his near-death experience.

=09"OK, I'm ready." Lynda choked back some tears and left the hospital roo=
m with
Willow's arm around her shoulders. Buffy was left alone with Xander.

=09After cracking all the knuckles she had, Buffy managed to muster up eno=
ugh
strength to move to Willow's empty chair. She scooted closer to the bed an=
d
reached for one of Xander's limp hands. She played her fingers along his p=
alm
like she was reading his fortune. Anything, to avoid talking to him.

=09"I hope you can hear me," she started in a low voice. Then she gave her=
self a
sardonic smile. "Doesn't really matter, anyway, 'cause I don't know what t=
o
say." She looked at Xander. In his sleep he looked so sweet, like a little
child asleep on Christmas Eve, just waiting to wake up early and smell the
breakfast on the stove, to rip apart the wrapping paper that covered the
presents under the Christmas tree.

=09Tears sprang to Buffy's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Xander." A tear escaped fr=
om her
eye, and she wiped it away with the back of her right hand. "I've just bee=
n
screwing up so much lately. It's all my-"

=09"Ms. Summers?" Buffy turned around sharply, to see a plump, black nurse=
 with
a big smile on her face and a big needle in her hand standing in the doorw=
ay.
She moved more into the room, and Buffy could read the nurses nametag-Cand=
y.

=09"I'm sorry to, uh, interrupt your little moment here, but Dr. Wilkinson=
 would
like to see you now in your room." Nurse Candy stressed that sentence very
much, so she wouldn't have to add that Buffy was suppose to be in her room
anyway. "Also, I'm going to need a moment alone with Mr. Harris." The nurs=
e
held up a large needle. "This might get ugly."

=09That worked. "Uh, ok," Buffy said, getting out of the chair and walking
towards the door. She gave one last look at Xander, so deathly pale and ly=
ing
still on the bed, and turned towards the nurse. "If he wakes up, have some=
body
tell me, ok? I would like to know."

=09"Ok," Nurse Candy said in the voice adults usually use to humor teens a=
nd
children. "On you go now," she shooed. Buffy quickly shut the door behind =
her.

=09Candy turned to look at Xander. She walked over to the foot of the bed =
and
glanced at her clipboard. She then compared that information to the chart
lying on the bed. Shrugging and making a "hmmf" sound, she walked over to
Xander's right, and placed her clipboard on the adjacent counter top.

=09"You know what I like about patients in coma's?" Candy said as she dabb=
ed
Xander's right arm with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol. Xander didn't ans=
wer,
of course, so Candy kept chatting to herself. "You don't have to make smal=
l
talk with them."

=09 Done with the swabbing, Candy reached over for the needle. She looked =
to see
if the correct amount of liquid was inside the vile, and satisfied, held i=
t so
it barely touched Xander's skin. "It's also great that I don't have to tel=
l
them that it's only gonna hurt a lot." She smiled, and then punctured fles=
h.

=09The heart monitor raised a little in beats per second, but that was ver=
y
normal. What was not normal was that suddenly a little sound of pain escap=
ed
from Xander's lips, and then his eyes flashed wide open.

=09"Oh!" Candy, startled lost her hold on the needle and backed away, runn=
ing
smack into the counter. She watched as Xander sat up and looked groggily
around the room.

=09"What . . ." Xander looked around until his gaze rested upon his arm, w=
here
the needle, unattended, still stuck out. "Ow!" yelled Xander, his voice ri=
sing
in panic. "Please, needle, out, now!"

=09Candy ran back towards her patient and gently retracted the needle from=
 his
arm. The pained expression on Xander's face lessened, but he still looked =
at
the nurse with confusion. "Where am I?" Xander asked. "What am I-how'd I g=
et
here?"

=09Lynda and Willow chose that exact moment to enter the hospital room aga=
in. At
first, Lynda just paused, not believing what she saw, but then she dropped=
 the
tray of food that she was carrying and ran towards her son.

=09"Xander!" she cried, wrapping her arms around him. Xander just scrunche=
d his
eyebrows in he frustration of not understanding what was going on and patt=
ed
his mother lightly on the back.

=09"It's ok," he murmured soothingly, patting his mother repeatedly. This =
woman
would not let go of him, and Xander was not used to such affection from hi=
s
mother. He raised a questioning eyebrow at Willow, who smiled nervously an=
d
played with the Coke in her hands.

=09"Sweetheart, I'm so glad your back to the waking world!" Lynda finally =
let go
of her son, and Xander awkwardly sat back against his bed.

=09"Um, can anybody explain why I'm the hospital with wires hooking me up =
to a
machine?" Xander asked, a bit cross. He was never in the best mood after
waking up from a two-day long sleep.

=09"You don't remember?" Lynda asked, walking over to Nurse Candy. The nur=
se
told her something quickly and then left the room to get the doctor. Lynda
turned back to her son and said, "Well, Willow filled me in on the story.
Willow?"

=09"Um . . ." Willow cleared her throat and then gave a little cough or tw=
o.
"Um, Xander, remember, we were coming out of the Bronze when you, uh, you =
ran
into that jutting piece of the wall? By accident? Cordelia and I had to dr=
ive
you to the hospital because you were bleeding really badly . . . you know,=
 re-
mem-ber?"

=09Xander looked at Willow with raised eyebrows once more. "I'm drawing a =
blank
here-" Suddenly his eyes darkened, and his whole face hardened. "Oh, yes, =
I
remember now," he said through clenched teeth, his brown eyes like sharp
daggers. "The wall." He practically growled the last word.

=09For a moment, there was awkward silence, and then Lynda turned towards
Willow. "I don't mean to be rude, honey, but do you think that Xander and =
I
could have a moment alone? I mean, before the doctor comes?" Lynda's tone =
was
pleading.

=09"Oh, yeah, sure," Willow agreed rapidly. "I'll just go see if Buffy's i=
n her
room." She waved good-bye to Xander; since visiting hours were almost over=
;
she probably wouldn't get to see him until tomorrow, after school. "Get be=
tter
soon, ok, for me?"

=09Xander gave her a little nod but kept his dark face on. Willow left the=
 room
as fast as she could, not wanting to deal at all with Xander at the moment=
.

=09Once in the hallway, she stood outside the door, trying to remember whe=
re
Buffy's room was, because for the life of her, it had just left her mind. =
All
she could think of, all that she could see in her mind's eyes was Xander
grabbing Angel's wrist and sucking it so hungrily, getting that one good b=
ite
in before Willow managed to pry them apart . . .

=09Willow shivered and then took the left corridor. She was certain that t=
his
way was the way Buffy had come from. But then again, she could have come f=
rom
the right . . . shouldn't have Xander become a vampire?

- --------------------------------------------------------------------------=
- ----
- ----------------------------

=09Buffy sat on the edge of her hospital bed, tapping the toes of her feet
against each other in a moment of pure boredom. She wanted to be back in
Xander's room, watching over him-who knew if Angel decided to pay him a vi=
sit.
But you don't have to be there now, a voice said in her mind. It's dayligh=
t.

=09Shut up, Buffy told the voice crossly. I owe a lot to him now. And to G=
iles,
and to Jenny. But Jenny's dead, so I can't exactly protect her now, huh?

=09You're way to bitter for your own good, the voice in her mind responded=
. Then
it shut up completely, leaving Buffy all alone, and with the knowledge tha=
t
she had just carried on a conversation with a voice in her head.

=09"You're going insane, Buffy," she told herself aloud, shaking her had s=
adly.
"Yep, you're finally gonna get those pretty padded walls you always see in=
 the
movies but Mommy never let you have."

=09"Don't talk that way!" Buffy turned around to see Willow just entering =
the
room. "You're not going insane! You're just going through a lot right now.=
"

=09"You know, as much as I appreciate being loved, I wish people would sto=
p
sneaking up on me. Dr. Wilkinson just did it a few seconds ago. Oh!" She
brightened up and climbed more on to the bed, sitting Indian-style and lea=
ning
forward to talk to her best friend. "She says that I'm getting better fast=
er,
so then I can go out Slaying again, and kick Angel's ass." She said this q=
uite
defiantly, like she meant it from her heart. But Willow shaked her head sa=
dly
in disbelief.

=09"You're not ready to kill him yet," Willow said sadly. "I know it, and =
you
know it. The way you look at him, even when he's acting evil, and the way =
you
talk about him . . . you still love him Buffy."

=09Buffy's lips were pressed together tightly as Willow stated the obvious=
, but
they quivered slightly when the Slayer tried to speak. "You're right," Buf=
fy
said. "You always are."

=09"Not always," Willow said, blushing and sitting down in one of the ragg=
ed,
plush chairs, much like the ones in Xander's hospital room. She handed Buf=
fy
the Coke "Some of the times, yeah. Mostly."

=09"Well, you've got self-esteem, I'll credit you with that," Buffy said w=
ryly,
but with a smile on her face to indicate that she was only poking fun at h=
er
best friend. But Willow seemed down all the sudden.

=09"What, you get me in high spirits and then all the sudden you're the on=
e with
issues?" Buffy asked. She raised her left eyebrow. "C'mon, Will, spill the
beans. What's up?"

=09"It's about Xander . . . what happened to him." Willow was practically
speaking under her breath. "A lot more happened then Angel just sucking hi=
s
blood. Xander, he, h-he-" Willow couldn't go on.

=09"What is it, Will?" Buffy asked gently, afraid herself to know the answ=
er to
her question.

=09"It's what Xander did!" Willow wailed, losing control. "Angel drained h=
is
blood, I guess, I mean, I know, but what I saw was Xander sucking the bloo=
d
back, like, you know, a whole big sucking thing! Isn't that how they make
vampires?! And if they do, then why didn't it work on Xander, and I'm just
gonna stop my incessant babbling because I'm going to break down and cry a=
ny
minute!" And that's just what she did.

=09"Oh Will," Buffy said, standing up and hurrying over to her sensitive f=
riend.
She enveloped her into a big bear hug, and Willow hugged tightly back, cry=
ing
into Buffy's shoulders.

=09"This is weird, though," Willow managed to say, although the thin mater=
ial of
the hospital gown muffled her voice. "Maybe . . . maybe we should ask Gile=
s to
help us with this."

End of Chapter 1

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #381
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