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buffyfic-digest       Saturday, August 29 1998       Volume 02 : Number 316



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: IOHM (7/?)
       BUFFYFIC:  The Good-Bye Girl (1/1)
       BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 16/?
       BUFFYFIC: FB: Alternate Ending

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 27 Aug 1998 08:45:37 -0700
From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: IOHM (7/?)

TITLE: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #7 Joyce
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Yes...please...whatever the complaint
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
SERIES DESCRIPTION: Buffy is blind, various POVs
INSTALLMENT DESCRIPTION: Joyce's thoughts on the mattera
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think this is a *lot* better from my last installment.
I actually was able to sit down, start, and finish this in 2 hours...that
in itself is miraculous for me :)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Opacitatem Habitant Modo
#7 Joyce
By: Taygeta

    I remember holding her in my arms and thinking that she was the
most perfect daughter in the worldàmy healthy, little baby with her ten
toes and her ten fingers of her tiny, wrinkly hands and kicking feet.  It
was then that I vowed that I would never let anything harm her or hurt my
little girl, but things have hurt heràthings I can't even begin to
understand.  A mother is suppose to be able to perceive her child's life
to some degree, but where was my perception?  Where was my innate
understanding?  There must have been thousands of mothers before meàone
for each innocent girl chosenàhow could those that knew handle it?  How
could they stand idly by and watch their daughters leave their homes, not
knowing if they would ever come back to be held, to be kissed, to be
loved, again?

    I remember that two o'clock call vividlyàawakened from my slumber
and in the dark, I hobbled to grasp the phone beside me.  The strained
voice of Mr. Rupert Giles took me out of my cloudy stateà

    à"Mr. Giles, what are you - "

    "Ms. Summers, I realize that this is rather lateàvery late,
indeed, but this is a matter of urgency.  Buffyàshe's in the Sunnydale
General hospitalàs-she was attackedàs-sheàplease come right away," he
stumbled hastily.

    "Attackedàwhoàwhat?"  I demanded of him, "Tell me what happened?
The very least you can do is tell me if she's all right."

    "Y-yes, she's all right, but it has been saidàalthough not
entirely confirmed - "

    "Just tell meà"

    "Ms. Summersàthere's a chance that Buffy may become permanently
blindà"


    àAnd I dropped the phone and froze as my mind processed what he
had said.  My daughteràmy lifeàblind, that didn't seem *right* somehow.
All I could think is my daughter's healthy, she was my healthy baby girl,
and that it couldn't be as bad as he stated.  Those thoughts were said
over and over in my mind like a broken record that matched my breaking
heart, in my hope that this insanity would just go away.

    I was prepared for the worst when I arrived at the hospital, but
what I receive was a lot more than the worst.  After all, I got the whole
story about clueless and idiotic a mother I had been.  The blood in her
clothing, her strength, her late hoursàso many cluesàso many unanswered
questions answered with the duties of her titleàthe title of Vampire
Slayer.

    Vampires?!  Vampires?!  I hadn't thought of vampires since I saw
"Dracula" years ago, but they were never real, only in nightmares too
long gone to recallàtoo silly and wrought with superstitions to be
believed.  Yet, I believed that night and every day and night thereafter
because in the midst of those hours of my dementia, that was the only
concept that made sense to meàthe only concept that was believable.  Or
rather, it was more that I was more willing to think vampires and demons
hid in the shadows of our world than to believe that my daughter could
not see.

    A long while after that, in those weeks where Buffy lay barely
conscious and bandaged from head-to-toe, I was angryàat everythingàat
everybody, but mostly at myself and then at Rupert.  I blamed him for not
being there for my daughteràfor being irresponsible, and I realized that
he very much thought the same of himself when he said softly, "You're
rightàI am."

    The more I understood about that night, the more I understood
that as her Watcher, he had saved her countless of times, loved her like
a daughter, and looked after, and that it was vice-versa for Buffy.  He
wasn't to blameàno one was to be blamed for what happened.  I know that
now.

    Yet, despite all the knowledge I gained, I am still the mother of
a young woman who is still very much like that little girl I saw her
transform from.  I can't help but think that by her want to fight those
that did her wrongàthat harmed her and her life, she would lose the life
she was just beginning to learn to love again.  I want to tell her to
stop.  I want to tell her to just leave it alone and live her life, but I
know that no matter what I say, it's not going to stop her from fighting.
 I see the passion in her face and even catch a glimpse at her fiery
spirit flicker in her blank stares and I don't stop heràI can't stop her.
 I love heràshe's my daughter and whatever she decides to do, I'm going
to be there to make sure that she comes out of this alive.

_____________________________________________________________________
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------------------------------

Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1998 13:22:59 PDT
From: "Leslie S." <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC:  The Good-Bye Girl (1/1)

TITLE:  The Good-Bye Girl (1/1)
AUTHOR:  Leslie S.
EMAIL:  [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION:  If ya want it, just let me know where you put it.
FEEDBACK: If you have a spare minute.
RATING: PG
SPOILER: Becoming
SUMMARY: This is a Buffy POV story in an in-between scene that we did
not see at the end of Becoming before she boarded the bus.
DISCLAIMER: I acknowledge that Buffy the Vampire Slayer and associated
characters were created by Joss Whedon. No copyright infringement is
intended. (In other words, please don't sue me.)

Many thanks to Melinda, Lynn, Kimly


I stood by a tree across from the school.  Thankfully, they were all
there.  Giles, Xander, Cordelia, Willow, and Oz, probably wondering
where I was.   In truth, I was wondering myself.  With the pain I was
feeling, with everything that had happened, I briefly wondered if
perhaps Angelus had won.  Was this actually *Hell*?

For me it was.

My life as I had known it had ended.  I was no longer Buffy Summers--
daughter, friend, high school student, vampire slayer.  I was Buffy
Summers--outcast, murder suspect and fugitive.

Part of me realized that the murder charges would be dropped.  The
Sunnydale Police Department was never known for its crack investigative
efficiency.  It, like the majority of  all Sunnydale residents, was in
denial.  I was sure that Giles and the others would be able to convince
them of my innocence.  Sunnydale's finest would probably use the
standard PCP/Gang scenario.  Again, can you say denial?

Being expelled?  No real worries there.  It's not like I'll *need* a
diploma for slaying.  It's not like I'm ever gonna have the chance to go
to college and have a really great career.  I once asked Giles if
Slayers ever got to retire.  It's not like I didn't already know the
answer, but I wanted...No...I needed to hear it from him.  I remember
the look in his eyes.  It was the same look that my mom had when she was
telling me that she and my dad were getting a divorce.  It was the look
of a parent having to tell a child something very unpleasant and final.

My mom,  now that's another story.  I'm sure that she didn't really mean
to kick me out of the house.  I'm really sorry that I did not have time
to explain everything to her.  But again, talk about denial...  I  hope
that Giles can explain things to her.

Giles.  He was another reason I was across from the school and not
hauling ass out of town.  I needed him to know what happened.  I owed
him that.  So after the bell rang, and everyone departed for their first
classes, I made way to the school through the sewer tunnels.  By some
miracle, I found the right access tunnel and was able to get to the
library through the stacks.

Since it looked like nobody was there, I figured I'd be better off
waiting in Giles' office just in case anybody suddenly had the desire
for a book or a quiet place to study.  Before I could get across the
room to the office, Giles popped out carrying a cup and saucer in one
hand, but I must have startled him because they went crashing to the
floor.

After a moment, he recovered and suggested I get into his office before
anyone saw me, leaving the broken cup and saucer for the moment.  I
quickly made my way into his office and collapsed on the couch, dropping
my bag on the ground.

"Thank God you're alright.  We were worried."

Giles looked at me, waiting for me to speak.  That's when the tears
started.  Again.    I was vaguely aware of him sitting down next to me
as he took me into his arms.  It was odd to have Giles hold me like
that, but I didn't fight it.  He stroked my hair and murmured soothing
words of comfort.  For all I know, he was reciting the alphabet.  After
a time, I finally felt I could let go, even if I didn't want to.

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.  I took
it and wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

When I found my voice I said, "I sent him to Hell."

"Angelus?"

"No." I swallowed hard and tried to form the name.  "Angel."

"An...Angel?" Giles said tentatively, as I fought to hold back the tears
that were threatening to spill over again.

"He pulled the sword from Acathla, and we were fighting.  Just as I was
abo-...about to kill him he doubled over in pain.  At first, I thought
it was a trick.  But it wasn't.  It was Angel.  My Angel."  I blew my
nose again.   "So there I am thinking that everything was gonna be OK.
Then I noticed the vortex opening.......*OH GOD GILES.  I HAD TO DO IT.*
I had to."

Giles wrapped his arms around me and just held me as I convulsed with
tears.  He rocked me back and forth telling me how sorry he was.  I have
no idea how we sat there, but I do remember that it was the first time
that I had felt safe in a long time.

When I was finally able to myself under control, I slowly pulled away.
It was the second hardest thing I had ever done.  I got up and started
pacing the room. Giles knew I wanted to tell him something, as he was
looking at me expectantly.

"I came to say good-bye.  I need to get out of Sunnydale for a while.
So much has happened, you know?"

"Buffy, I th-"

"No Giles," I began cutting him off.  "In case you forgot, I'm wanted
for murder.  Oh, and did I mention that my mother knows about me and
kicked me out of the house???  And of course, let's not forget that Herr
Snyder expelled me yesterday."

"These are all things we can deal with Buffy.  The others can attest to
the fact the you did not kill Kendra.  And well, I suppose it is time to
explain things to your mother.  As far as Snyder is concerned, he cannot
expel you without first calling a board of review."

"Please Giles," I pleaded.  "I just need to get away for a few days...to
sort things out."

"Think about it for a moment would you?"

"I have thought about it Giles.  Besides, I didn't come here to ask your
permission.  I came here to let you know what happened and to tell you I
was going."

"I see.  And have you thought about where you'll go?"

I shook my head no.  Giles stood and went over to his desk .  He took
his keys, opened up one of the drawers, and pulled out a manila
envelope.  "Since I doubt that any argument I might make will dissuade
you, you'd better have this."

The envelope Giles handed me bulged at the bottom.  I opened it and
dumped the contents onto his desk .  I was shocked to find a sizeable
stack of used $20s, an ID bearing my picture with a false name, an index
card with an LA address in on it and a key taped to it, and an open bus
ticket to Los Angeles.  I looked to Giles for an explanation.

"You can never be too prepared.  I always figured it would be a good
idea to have a bolt-hole for you in case things got too rough.  It seems
I was right."

"Good thinking," I replied as I shoved the contents of the envelope into
various pockets.   I examined the ID.  The picture of me wasn't that
great, but it looked real enough.   "How on earth did you get this ID?
Did Willow help?"

"Let's just say that I wasn't always a librarian and leave it at that
shall we?"

I nodded and reached down for my bag.  "Will you talk to my mom?
Explain things to her?"

"I had hoped it wouldn't ever come to that, but under the circumstances
I suppose there is no choice.  Now about the apartment...There is plenty
of canned food and those frozen, uh television, dinners.  The phone is
in working order, so I expect you to call me when you get there.
Understood?"

"Understood.  And Giles?"

"Mm?" Giles responded, looking at his watch.

"Thanks.  For everything."

"You're welcome Buffy.  Now if you hurry, you can catch the 10:30 bus to
Los Angeles."

Saying good-bye, I hugged Giles one last time, reveling in the safe
feeling it gave me.  When I pulled away, I asked him to let the others
know that I was OK, but not to let them know where I had gone.  He
nodded his agreement as he walked over to the door to make sure the
coast was clear.  I quickly made my way through the stacks and back into
the tunnels.

As I sit here now on the bus to LA, I look out the window reflecting on
the past few months.  I see the sign "Now Leaving Sunnydale-Come back
soon!" and I think to myself: Maybe.

- -Fin-


****************************************************

Check out the Garden Patch (includes 4 whole fan fics I have written
plus any works in progress)
http://beavis.intercom.net/~lilsprout


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1998 19:07:44 EDT
From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 16/?

Title~ Libidinous  16/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans.  This oneÆs basically fluff.
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôThereÆs No Me Without Youö belongs to Babyface.  All
characters of General hospital belong to ABC.
~Special thanks to Angie, who provided this song, inspiration and support.


Chapter 16, ThereÆs No Me Without You.

<There's no me without you
  There's no meaning to life without you
  Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair
  When I can't stop the thinking about you
  There's no moon without you
  There's no Saturday nights without you
  There's no walk through the park
  No beat in my heart
  No I love you, No I can't live without you>

    ôTurned ro dust?  A cross...ö  Giles mumbled.  ôBuffy, can you describe the
dream?ö
    She gave a quick nod, then told them of her dream.  Stefan and Nikolas joined
the group and listened along with the rest.  Giles was very excited about the
news.  He tried not to show it, but heÆs a watcher, not an actor.  The group
once again dispersed, this time with more information.  Willow went to her lap
top, hoping that some techno-pagen site would give her the knowledge they so
desperately needed.  Buffy went with Giles, Xander, Nikolas and Stefan each on
there own.  Angel, however, didnÆt move.

< You told me everything would be cool
  Said I wouldn't always feel blue
  How come I feel like a wreck
  How come the skies are all gray
  How come my eyes are all red
  Why am I alone in bed>

    He couldnÆt.  In both dreams she had seen him unable to help her.  The
thought horrified him to say the least.  He watched her.  She was bent over a
book, looking at something that Giles was pointing out.  She looked up at him.
She held his gaze for a moment, smiling through the fear and pain that she hid
so well.  Angel sat down at the table.

   ***    ôAngel?ö
    ôB...Buff?  Buffy?ö  He asked, not trusting his eyes.
    ôIÆm sorry.  IÆm so sorry.ö  Buffy began to cry.  He moved toward her,
shaking his head.
    ôIÆm so proud of you, thereÆs nothing to be sorry for,ö  He said gently.
    ôA...ö  Angel cut her off with a kiss. ***

    Angel opened his eyes, he hadnÆt realized that he had fallen asleep.  That
dream, those memories... He had been able to touch her, to kiss her then.  She
hadnÆt been worried or afraid.  She hadnÆt been in danger.  Angel looked at
her again.  She didnÆt see him this time.  He watched her read the pages along
with Giles.  She looked so perfect, and he didnÆt know what he would do if she
were to get hurt.

< You told me everything would be fine
   Why am I losing my mind
   How come I feel like a fool
   Why do I keep losing you
  Why do I love in despair
  When you're not there>

    There would be nothing that he could do.  What would be the point of ever
doing anything again?  A tear tricked down his cheek.  He felt something brush
against it.  Angel smiled.  Buffy æsatÆ on his lap as best she could in her
current state.
    ôItÆs gonna be ok.ö  She whispered to him.  ôEverythingÆs gonna be alright.ö

< There's no me without you
   There's no meaning to life without you
   Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair
   When I can't stop the thinking about you
   There's no moon without you
   There's no Saturday nights without you
   There's no walk through the park
   No beat in my heart
   No I love you, No I can't live without you>

    Giles watched from the table he and Buffy had been at.  Angel wasnÆt the only
one worried about Buffy.  Everyone continued to glance over at the pair,
thought they all felt differently about what they saw, they all wanted her
safe.  Their friend, their soulmate, their Slayer.

< So blue for you
   So deep in love with you
   So hard to say bye-bye
   When you know how hard I've tried
   I, I, I tried baby
   No No No No>

------------------------------

Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1998 15:17:12 -0700
From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: FB: Alternate Ending

I was cleaning out some old files in my hard drive
and found this it was an alternate ending to
the Final Battle thought that some of you might
like to see where I could have gone.
If you read the first ending let me known which one
you liked better

NightHunter <[e-mail]>


Final Battle (3/3) Alternate Ending


The watcher task force lead by a very angry Buffy and Xander surrounded
the place of the new vampire Lord.  Preparing for an all out assault on
him because no one takes their children.

The door to the place opened and a legend of Vampires surged forth.
With one purpose on their minds total destruction of ever last human.

The Watchers attacked in masses using new weapons designed for the
purpose of destroying only Vampires the Sun Guns.

Soon the battle was joined hundreds died in the assault.

Buffy surged forth into battle, only to be stopped by a flash of light.
Fizzgag the last of the feline mages appeared.

"Buffy it's time.  Prepare yourself for the Final Battle who's out come
will
decided the fate of not only this world but the very Universe." Said
Fizzgag

Then in another flash on light Buffy and Xander find themselves inside
the
throne room of The Master.

The sight that greeted them was of their children.  Hanging from the
ceiling
by a rope over a ring of fire.

"No!" Yelled Buffy using her Slayer speed to leap high into the air
grabbing
her children.  But, just as she began her descent she feels an arrow
pierce
her heart.

"NO! DAMN YOU!" Yelled Xander his anger so great, that for the first
time, he no longer tried to fight.  His inner demon letting all of his
rage out. In a yell so powerful, that the battle that raged outside
came to a halt.

The Master looked on as a transformation begin.  Giant Wings begin
ripping out of Xander's back.  His hands became like steel claws.  For
the first time in many millennium The Master knew fear.  The last
vestige
of humanity faded from Xander's eyes leaving only rage.

Letting out a primal scream, the creature that had been Xander leaped
high
into the air, his leather wings flapping fast.  The Master was driven
back,
as he falls the creature lands on top of him.  It's claws digging deep
into
his undead flesh. Until, finally nothing but small strips of decaying
flesh
were left.  But still, the creatures rage was not sated.  Using it's
great
strength, it tore through the steel walls of the place.  Descending into
the
court yard it's claws ripping apart ever vampire it could find.  Until
finally,
there were none left.

As it's rage continued to burn, it felt a familiar presence behind it
and turned
to see Willow carring two very scared little girls.

"Xander you have to come back for their sake." Said Willow tears flowing
down her face

As Willow approached him he growled.  Then, in as flash of pure white
light Buffy appeared in front of him.  Her hand touched his face all the
rage
and anger disappeared leaving only a crying Xander.

"God Buffy! I need you, I can't do it by myself." Cried Xander

"Xander your not alone, ever, look!" Replied Buffy pointing to a crying
Willow.

When Xander turned and looked he saw everything clearly for the first
time, Willow was always there for him wanting to be noticed.

"She'll be there for you all the time Xander." said Buffy slowly moving
to
Willow.  She said, "Look after him Willow and treat our children as your
own.  Then I'll know that everything will be alright."

"I will Buffy, you were the best friend that I ever had.  I love you."
Said
Willow tears running down her face.  She started to brake down then she
felt a strong arm embrace her.

"Well, go on, Good-Bye Buffy, I will never forget you" Said Xander
holding Willow and his children tight against him.

As the light started to fade Xander swore that he could see Angel.
Waiting
for her in the tunnel of light.  He felt himself hoping that the real
Angel
was waiting for her.

As they turned to start home Willow looked down to find a crystal band
around her arm, then she heard a majestic voice.

"As one passes so is another chosen.  Go forth my child and know that
the
time of evil is over." Said the Voice

Then as everyone looked on.  The sky was ripped asunder as a place of
pure white light descend.  As the light dimmed, everyone could see them,
thousand upon thousand of Angels.  And for the first time all over the
world the peace that so many had fought and died for became realized.

The Human spirit had over come.  The forces of Good had been victorious
in this the Final Battle.  This Armageddon.
****************************************************

Well, I have finally brought to an end what I started in Her Darkest
Hour.
When I started this I was never sure where I was going. I begin to see
that
maybe some thing's were never ment to be.  So, things change, Buffy in
death is with the real Angel.  Xander and Willow have each other, though
where they will go.  Only time will tell and they'll both have their
hands full
with Buffy's two girls.  Will I ever come back to this Universe?  Well
never
say never.

Special Note: To those of you who read My first story Her Darkest Hour a
few things were changed from the original draft. Buffy's mother is
killed,
not in a coma.  It had a much darker ending but when a pissed off Slayer
holds a wooden stake to your heart-well, you re-write.

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #316
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