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buffyfic-digest         Monday, August 3 1998         Volume 02 : Number 287



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: For When Darkness Falls (1/2)
       BUFFYFIC: "The Cure" (13/14)
       BUFFYFIC: "The Cure" (14/14)
       BUFFYFIC: OT; regarding
       BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 8/?

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 02 Aug 1998 00:49:45 -0300
From: Elizabeth Palmer <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: For When Darkness Falls (1/2)

Title: For When Darkness Falls (1/2)
Author: D.L. Powers
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes, please.  I'll pass them on to the author who is too shy to
post this herself.  <eg>
Rating: PG
Spoilers: This story was written a long time ago, before we knew Angel's
past.  Please take that into account.
Disclaimers:  I own the character of Devon any other characters not found
on Buffy: TVS.  All others belong to our leader, Joss and the WB.
Summary:  A new Sunnydale student has ties to Angel and gives a whole new
look on one way his past might have played out.


***************
Devon looked up at the sky, and then back down to her shoes.  It was a
beautiful sunny day, but her mood was cloudy.  It was her first day at a
new school, not exactly her idea of the perfect birthday present, but so
far, everyone had simply ignored her.

"Oh, great, another freak show coming to our school.  Why do they always
come here?"  The voice was hushed, but the person was standing too close
for the effort to have worked.  Devon turned to see who had spoken.  Not
so much to confront her, but so that she could avoid her in the future.
It was a tall dark haired girl, wearing a short brown skirt and matching
blouse.  She was talking to a group of her friends, making them giggle
hysterically.  She turned to see Devon, but instead of making the effort
to patch up her bad manners, she turned and walked away with her friends
trailing behind.  Devon turned and tried to find her first class.

Finding her first class wasn't as easy as it sounded.  Devon had only
been to the building once, and all the halls looked pretty much the
same.   She wandered around a corner, and saw the Library for the fifth
time.  Sighing, she turned around to start again and walked face first
into a blurred figure.  They both went down.

"Oh, I'm sorry, didn't see you..." Devon tried to smooth over the first
impression.  "Sorry."  She picked up the other girl's books and handed
them over.

"Are you lost?  What class are you looking for?"

"Physics, with Donaldson.  I thought it was around here, but I keep
ending up back at the library."

"Wow, you doing physics?  Even after missing the first half of they
year?  You're braver than I am. You're new here, aren't you?"  Devon
smiled shyly, nodding.  "I thought so.  No one walks in circles better
than a new student.  I know, from personal experience."

"Oh, you're new?"

"I was new three months ago.  Now I'm old."  Devon laughed.  "Well, I
think you're looking for room 23D.  Down that way, take one right, and
then a left.  It's right there, you can't miss it."  She indicated the
direction with a gesture.  "I'm Buffy Summers.  Maybe I'll see you
around?"

"Sure, thanks.  I'm Devon.  Devon Roberts.  Well, I think I'm a little
more than fashionably late, so I better go now.  Thanks."  Devon turned
and hid her humiliated pride from what she hoped was a new friend.

Showing up late for class was least of her worries.  The physics teacher
was a large, overpowering man, who called on her three times, all of
which Devon had to claim ignorance.  She could feel everyone looking at
her, and had to remember to breath slowly, and not let go of her temper.
She managed, keeping in mind the memory of her first experience in a
school.  That first day was disastrous, and she had nothing to complain
about here.  When the bell rang, she was the first one out the door.

The rest of the day passed less eventfully than the first part.  Devon
spoke to no one, except for teachers who asked her questions, and to say
'excuse me' to people who bumped into her.  She might as well have been
invisible.  Until the final bell rang, and everyone crushed for the
door.  Devon was at her locker when she felt the hand on her shoulder.

"Miss Roberts?"  It was principal Snyder.  "I'd like to have a word with
you, in my office."

"Yes, sir," she replied blandly and closed her locker again.  He walked
stiffly, in front of her, not looking back to make sure she was
following him.  Her footsteps were soft, and she could tell he
was fighting the urge to assure himself of her presence.  He led her
directly into his office and sat down without a glance at her.

"It has come to my attention that there are a few documents missing from
your permanent record.  In a nutshell, all of them.  We have no grades,
or letters from your old school, or even that you attended a school
previous to this one, we don't even have proof that you exist, except
for our documents you and your parents signed last week.  Could you
offer some explanation for this?"

Devon sat across from him, nervously tapping her fingers together.  She
was afraid something like this would have happened.  Her instincts told
her not to trust a guy named Gargarelli.  Something in his greasy
appearance should have made her ask a few more questions.  Her mistakes
were bound to catch up to her.  "I'm sorry sir," she began, slowly,
"It's all my fault.  I only confirmed the documents to be sent once.  I
should have called at least three more times.  I can have them in by the
end of the week."  She stopped to see his reaction.  He didn't move,
except for the one vein on his forehead.

"Well, I suppose, if that's the best you can do, I can't very well kick
you out of classes your first week."  His tone indicated that he would
very much like to have done just that.  "But I'm going to
keep a close eye on you until I get your permanent record.  Keep that in
mind."

"Yes, sir," she stood up to leave, but Snyder held up his hand.

"Hold on, Miss Roberts.  We're just getting started."  Reluctantly, she
sat back down, and two hours later, she finally stumbled out into the
hallway again.  Snyder had broached every subject from her course
choices to her parents occupations to her own extra-curricular
activities, to her hair style.  He finally let her go, when she said
that her parents were expecting her home for dinner.

Limping on a half-asleep foot, Devon made it back to her locker, and as
she stared at the emptiness within, she heard voices from nearby.
Someone else had stayed late and did not realize she was there, or they
would not have been discussing what they were discussing.
Especially not as loudly as they were.

"Angel, what are you doing here?  How did you even get here?  The sun's
not even down."  Devon's ears perked up and she padded over to the
corner and listened.  There was a mumbling response, and she only caught
the last few words.

"...been around long enough to know better than that."  Devon recognized
Buffy's voice, but the other voice was only vaguely familiar.  She moved
closer to the edge and listened for more.  "I
have something to say.  Are you going to lecture me some more, or do you
want to hear it?"  Buffy was silent, so Devon surmised that she must
have nodded.  "I've received some underground information.  There's
something here.  I don't know what it is, but it's not human,
and not vampire, that I know of, anyway.  They didn't say if it was
dangerous, but I'm not happy about the news.  Be alert."  Devon didn't
hear anything else that was said, her mind took her back to when that
voice was part of her life.  It had been so long, she didn't think her
mind had kept such memories.  As a little girl, she remembered seeing
him smile down at her.

Devon forgot where she was, and stepped out into the hallway.  She had
to see.  He stood there, same as he had always looked.  His clothes were
the same.  Dark and inconspicuous, like his eyes.  But they were
different.  He looked at her, and she felt him staring at her, she could
almost hear his thoughts as he tried to place her in his memories.
Then, she saw the horror on his face when he recognized her.  Devon
turned and disappeared back the way she had come, returning to her
locker.  That was where they found her.  She knew there would be a
confrontation.

"You know, it's really not nice to eavesdrop.  Did your parents ever
teach you it's not polite?"  Buffy looked indignant, but Angel still
stared at her in silence.

Devon paused, keeping her expression docile and calm, looking from Buffy
to Angel, who appeared to have lost the capacity to keep his own
expression neutral.  "Are you okay?  You're not going to pass out are
you?"

"We'll see," he replied, no louder than a whisper.

Looking back to Buffy, Devon didn't bother to smile at her.  "To answer
your question, actually, my parents taught me how to eavesdrop. Didn't
you Daddy?"

Angel now had Buffy's undivided attention.

*********
(continued)

------------------------------

Date: Sun, 02 Aug 1998 15:53:17
From: [e-mail] (Sarah Douglas)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Cure" (13/14)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy or any of the other wonderful characters in
the Buffyverse.  I am using them without the permission of the people who
do own them who are not going to sue me because I am not making any money
off this.  Joss Whedon, WB, Mutant Enemy, Kusui and Sandollar own the Buffy
characters.

DISTRIBUTION: Just ask.

RATING: Probably PG

FEEDBACK: I would love to know what you all think of this.  Please send me
feedback.  Pretty please.  <[e-mail]>

SUMMARY:  Okay, well this takes place while Ms. Calendar is still alive,
but Angel is evil, so probably Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.  It's
another "Angel gets his soul back" story which I wrote to convince myself
that Angel could be good again.  It's kind of long and I'm sorry about that
you all.

AUTHOR'S MESSAGE: I'm back.  I know it took a while.  Okay, a very very
long time and I'm sorry about that.  I'm not going to bore you with the
details.  I want to thank the people who e-mailed me asking for the last
parts, they got me off my lazy butt.  Since it has been a while, if you
don't remember the story or you never read it, e-mail me and I'll send you
the other parts.

On with the show.

*********************
The Cure 13/14
*********************

"We are done!" the elderwoman announced.

"Thank God," Cordelia replied.

"Move this table," the elderwoman directed.  Xander and Oz each grabbed an
end.  Willow picked up a chair and Giles did the same.  Cordelia stood with
her arms folded across her chest, watching everyone else.  Alice and the
elderwoman each grabbed a chair.  Finally Cordelia let out an annoyed sigh
and picked up a chair.

"Oh bravo, Cordelia," Xander said sarcastically, applauding as he spoke.
Cordelia shot him a dirty look.

Buffy and Jenny entered the room then.  Buffy was carrying Angel.

"All right, enough with the bickering, let's get this over with."

****************

Buffy sat on the counter, watching the scene closely.  At first Ms.
Calendar seemed quite nercous, but after the big breath Buffy saw her take
she calmed a little.  Buffy listened as Ms. Calendar spoke, sounding like a
parot reciting what it just learned, but after the first line, the words
came flowing and Ms. Calendar looked like she was in a trance.  Buffy
watched what was going on around her.  First the candles that had been
arranged lit themsleves on fire.  As Ms. Calendar continued, the herb
mixture also burned.  Finally, the wax on the floor lit on fire as a climax
to the spell.

Buffy jerked back as the wax lit on fire.

Ms. Calendar finished the spell ans everything extinguished simultaniously.

<<Wow>> Buffy thought.

***************

The smoke in the library cleared and Jenny came out of her trance.  She
opened her eyes and looked around the room.  She waved her hands in front
of her face to clear the smoke.

The elderwoman and Alice were looking around, clearing the smoke in front
of them.

"Is he...?" Buffy asked, jumping off the counter.  The elderwoman moved
forward.

"Yes, child, that is your Angel.  However, the power of the spell will
leave him unconscious temporarily.  Don't worry, it doesn't usually last
long.  He'll have plenty of time before sunrise."

Buffy smiled and walked over to the library phone.  She quickly punched in
a number.  She waited a minute.

"Hi Spike, it's Buffy.....yeah, the curse worked.....he can still get his
stuff, right?...and Spike?  Thanks.....Spike, as a thank you gift, I'm
offering you a Get-Out-Of-Sunnydale-Free card.  Take Dru and go....Well,
bye then."

Buffy looked over at Angel.  he was sitting up.

"What happened?"he asked, rubbing his neck.  Suddenly, he seemed to
remember.  "Umm....did I lose my soul after...and act like a jerk?"

"Yeah, if you want to use the nicest posible way to describe what you did,"
Xander replied, bitingly.

"I am SO sorry.  Oh my God, I can't believe I did that to you.  Is there
any way to make that up?  Especially to yu Buffy.  My God, what I put you
through," Angel said, the incredible remorse for having hurt them and the
unbelievable anger at himself apparent in every movement he made.

Everyone descreetly left the library, leaving Angel and Buffy together, alone.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry.  I hate myself for what I did to you.  Buffy, I still
love you," Angel looked at her, imploring her with his eyes to say the same.

Buffy turned away from him.  She felt confused.  This was what she'd hoped
for, what she'd dreamed of.  She'd spend the whole day thinking about this.
 Now that it was here, she just kept remebering everything Angelus had done
to her, to her friends.  She heard the demon's  words echoing over and over
in her head.  She turned to him and threw his words back at him.

"Yeah, I love you too.  I'll call you."

And she walked out of the room.

End part 13

feedback to <[e-mail]>

------------------------------

Date: Sun, 02 Aug 1998 15:53:26
From: [e-mail] (Sarah Douglas)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Cure" (14/14)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy or any of the other wonderful characters in
the Buffyverse.  I am using them without the permission of the people who
do own them who are not going to sue me because I am not making any money
off this.  Joss Whedon, WB, Mutant Enemy, Kusui and Sandollar own the Buffy
characters.

DISTRIBUTION: Just ask.

RATING: Probably PG

FEEDBACK: I would love to know what you all think of this.  Please send me
feedback.  Pretty please.  <[e-mail]>

SUMMARY:  Okay, well this takes place while Ms. Calendar is still alive,
but Angel is evil, so probably Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.  It's
another "Angel gets his soul back" story which I wrote to convince myself
that Angel could be good again.  It's kind of long and I'm sorry about that
you all.

AUTHOR'S MESSAGE:  Here it is, the last part.  I hope you all enjoy it.  I
appologize for the cuel way Buffy behaved to Angel, but I was mad at him
for all the mean stuff he did when I wrote it, so she was mad too.  It gets
better.  I promise.

*********************
The Cure  14/14
*********************

Buffy walked into the library the next mrning with mixed feelings.  With a
deep breath, she went in.

"Buffy."

All heads shipped towards her.  They had seen her leave, and Angel left
shortly after.  They were all dying to know what happened

"So what happened?" Cordelia asked, in her usualy blunt way.  Today,
though, nobody minded.  They were all just as anxious to hear.

Buffy faced them.  Everyone was there: Willow, Xander, Giles, Cordelia, Oz,
Ms. Calendar, even the elderwoman and Alice.

"Well, first of all, thank you Ms. Calendar.  I can never thank you enough
for what you did, and you two too.  But as I was standing with him, all I
could htink of was how much he'd hurt us.  So I left.  I don't know what
I'm feeling.  It may take some time for me to figure things out," Buffy
explained.

Willow watched her best friend try to explain how she felt.  As soon as
Buffy finished, Willow gave Buffy a hug.

"It's going to be okay, Buffy," Willow whispered.

"Thanks Will."

****************

Giles put the weapons back in the storage area.  After Buffy and Angel had
left, the group had packed up everything at Oz's and brought it back to the
library.  Giles had spend most of the morning unpacking.

And worrying about Buffy.  <<She's already been through so much>> he
thought.  He decided to give her the night off.  <<She should go to the
Bronze with Willow and Xander.  She deserves a rest and she always seems to
have fun there.>>

Suddenly, Buffy came in.

"Hi Giles."

"Hello Buffy.  How are you?"

"I'm fine.  Giles, would you mind if I just hung out here?  I don't really
feel like being around lots of people right now."

"Yes, of course you can "hang out" as you put it."

Buffy picked up a book and put it away.  Then she went into Giles' office
and shut the door.

***************

"Bye Mom!" Buffy called over her shoulder, heading out the door to Oz's van.

"Hi Buffy," Willow greeted.  Buffy looked around and saw Xander and
Cordelia already sitting in the back.

"Hi guys.  Oz, what are you waiting for?  Let's go!"

"That was pretty cool of G-man to give you a night off," Xander said.

"Yeah, I can't believe it.  This is gonna be a blast!" Buffy said.

****************

Buffy sat at a table, sipping her coffee.  Willow and Oz were playing pool.
 Xander and Cordelia had gone to get themselves drinks.  The song ended and
a new one started.  A slow song.  Xander and Cordy started dancing.  Buffy
smiled as she saw Willow dancing with Oz.

<<Good for her>>Buffy thought, giving Willow a thumbs up sign.

Then Buffy saw him.  Angel was standing in the shaddows.  Buffy's gaze
locked on him.  Suddenly, she stood up, and began walking towards him, as
if drawn by a magnet.

Angel had felt her gaze resting on him.  When she came forwards, his heart
lept.  He walked to meet her.

"Hi," Buffy said, puttiing her arms around him as they began to dance.

"Hey."

All of the sudden, Buffy's mind was filled with all the wonderful things
he'd done for her and her friends.  She thought of the love they'd shared.
<<I love him>> she realized.  <<That wasn't him that did all those things,
but he'll be tortured by the memories as if it was.  It's time to put the
past in the past, where it belongs,>> she decided.

"Angel?"

"Yes, Buffy?"

"I love you."

Angel's heart soared at those words.

"I love you too, Buffy."

They drew together in a kiss that said everything.  Buffy felt all her
doubts melt, she knew this was right.  Angel was perfectly happy,
completely happy because she loved him.

"If another moment of true happiness will destroy the curse again, we're in
trouble."

"No," she replied," your curse is permanent."

They kissed again, the same way they had kissed at the post-fumagation
party long ago, but this time when the kiss ended, it wouldn't be goodbye,
it would be hello.

FIN

Okay, okay, I know I'm sentimental.  But I just had to do it.

Feedback to <[e-mail]>

------------------------------

Date: Sun, 02 Aug 1998 19:59:32 PDT
From: "Tracy Cain" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: OT; regarding

   I realize that it has been a long time since I updated my story "the
Third Child;" this is both an apology and an excuse. I have decided to
discontinue this story for several reasons.

   If any of you have seen Star Hawk's story "Lost Angels," I want you
to know that it is almost exactly what I was planning to do with my
story. She began it long before I began mine, but only a few days ago
did I encounter it. I thought a long time to try to come up with an
original plot, and apparently, I failed. Incidentally, it's also much
better written than mine.

   I also have been struggling with writer's block and lack of feedback.
To any of you who were following my story, I'm sorry. Next time, I'll
finish it before I post it.

                                 -Rihanon

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy
and good with ketchup."


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 3 Aug 1998 17:45:20 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 8/?

Title~ Libidinous  8/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans.
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôReflectionö is from the Disney movie Mulan and is sung
by Christina Aguilera.  All characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 8, Reflection

< Look at me
   You may think you see
   who I really am
   But you'll never know me
   Ev'ry day
   It's as if I play a part>

    Thrust, block, thrust, thrust...she stopped to help Giles up.
    ôYes,yes, very good.  I see you havenÆt lost your skill.ö  Giles mumbled.
She smiled at him, but the same question kept repeating itself in her head.
Finally, she decided to ask Giles.
    ôGiles, how do I kill Arcanus without killing Angel?ö  Buffy asked her
Watcher.  It was a good question, Giles had to credit her with that.
    ôI...I um, will have to consult my books...ö  He replied, already heading for
the stack of books he had brought with him.  Buffy smiled inwardly.  It was
good to have him here to say that, though she wished he had said something
more like æJust say please and everything will be ok.  Now, why donÆt you take
the next month off.Æ  Right, that was gonna happen.
    ôWell, what can I do?ö  She asked her Watcher yet another question.
    ôHave you eaten anything?  How about get some sleep.ö  he suggested.  æOh,
you mean be normal for a few hours.Æ she thought.  She couldnÆt. She was too
wired.  ôI think IÆm gonna go on patrol.ö  She said.  Giles looked at her long
and hard for a moment.  æShe *wants* to patrol?Æ  He looked down for a moment,
but by then she was gone.

< Now I see
   If I wear a mask
   To be myself
   I can fool the world
   But I cannot fool
   my heart>

    Nikolas watched her go.  He quietly followed her out.  He was able to keep
track of her until they reached the beach.  He spun around, she was nowhere to
be seen.  The next thing he knew, his face was in the sand.
    ôOh Nikolas!  IÆm so sorry!ö  She exclaimed, holding out a hand to help him
up.  ôI wasnÆt sure who was following me...ö  Nikolas inturrupted her
explaination.
    ôIÆm alright.  Could I join you?ö  he asked.  For some reason he wanted to
see how it was done.  He hadnÆt believed those stories his uncle had told him
about the Slayers, and now that he did, he found himself quite curious.  He
noticed her hesitaion, but she finally nodded her head.

< Who is that girl I see
   Staring straight back at me?
   When will my reflection show
   Who I am inside?>

    They enjoyed the boat ride to the mainland in silence.  She could tell there
were things that he wanted to know about her, about slaying.  She guessed that
he thinks that itÆs neat and makes you feel powerful.  She thought thatÆs what
it would be like at first.  Xander and Willow thought it would be cool to be
the Slayer, but now they all knew better.  The others would never ready
understand it the way she did.  She supposed that only a Slayer could
understand it they way that she does.  Slaying was exactly as she had
described it to her mother.  Lonely and dangerous.  She sighed inwardly before
speaking aloud.  ôGo ahead.ö  She said.

< I am now
   In a world where I have to
   hide my heart
   And what I believe in
   But somehow
   I will show the world
   What's inside my heart
   And be loved for who I am>

    ôWhat?ö  Nikolas asked her.
    She stopped walking for a moment.  ôNik, there are obviously things that you
want to know, go ahead.  Ask.ö  That should clear up any confusion he has, it
was very straight forward.
    They continued walking while Nikolas thought briefly about what she had said.
    ôI, youÆre right.  Uncle has told me of the Slayer before, but I never
believed what he was saying.  I suppose  now that I do believe, IÆm curious.
I know the story of you and Angel, but well...how did you find out that you
were the Slayer?ö  He said, finally deciding on a question.  She remembered
what that was like, how lonely it felt, and she tried to explain it to him.

< Who is that girl I see
   Staring straight back at me?
   Why is my reflection
   someone I don't know?>

    Buffy stopped mid-sentence.  ôStay behind me,ö  she ordered Nikolas.  A
vampire appeared to their right.  Nikolas was shocked at itÆs true, horrible
face.  It looked them both over for a moment.
    ôSslayer...ö  The demon hissed.
    ôSlayeeö  Buffy retorted.  They began combat.  The vampire threw a punch to
her head, which she easily blocked.  The Slayer then kicked it in the face,
knocking it backward.  She got out her stake, but the demon was quick.
Getting up, he tripped her and pinned her down.  She threw him off of her and
staked him in the chest.  The vamp exploded into a pile of dust.
    Buffy wiped off her hands and turned to make sure that Nik was alright.  He
was staring at her and the spot where the demon had stood not long ago.  ôAre
you ok?ö  She asked him.
    ôAm *I* ok?  You just fought a vampire, are you alright?ö  Nikolas asked in
return.
    ôSadly, I donÆt even consider it strange anymore.  IÆm fine.  Look, weÆve
been out here for a while, why donÆt we head back.ö

< Must I pretend that I'm
   Someone else for all time?
   When will my reflection show
   Who I am inside?>

    They walked back towards the docks discussing her training, which Nikolas
seemed to find fasinating.  When they arrived at the docks, Buffy elbowed him.
ôWhatÆs...ö  then he saw the two figureÆs sitting on the bench.
    ôSo, ô  Buffy began.  ôYou are privately tutored.  I know what thatÆs like,
do you find not being around others your age difficult?ö  She hated pretending
to be someone that she wasnÆt to protect her secrect.  Still, sometimes she
wanted to be someone else.
    Nikolas figured out what she was getting at.  ôNo, I like going at my own
pace with the tutor.ö  He said.  They continued this line of pointless
convorsation until they were on the boat, heading back to Spoon Island.

< There's a heart that must
   be free to fly
   That burns with a need
   to know the reason why
   Why must we all conceal
   What we think
   How we feel?

    ôThanks for playing along back there.ö
    ôHey, I understand why you have to keep what you do a secret.ö  Nikolas told
her.  He couldnÆt even imagine what would happen if everyone knew that there
were vampires.  Maybe people would be able to protect themselves better.  Or
maybe they would panic.  Buffy sawthe look on his face, and had an idea of
what he was thinking.
    ôDidnÆt you feel safer not knowing?  Before this, werenÆt you just a happy
citizen like I was, like Xander and Willow and Giles and my mother?ö
    He finally understood.  Though he would never understand as completely as her
friends or her Watcher, or even Angel, but he understood that this is not
something that she wants to do.  He knew that she was chosen, but never really
understood that she didnÆt get to choose.  He looked at her with a new
respect.  She looked at him, the realization of something visible in his eyes.

< Must there be a secret me
   I'm forced to hide?
   I won't pretend that I'm
   Someone else
   For all time
  When will my reflection show
  Who I am inside?
  When will my reflection show
  Who I am inside?>

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #287
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