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buffyfic-digest         Sunday, June 28 1998         Volume 02 : Number 250



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: "Fallen From Grace" (6/11)
       BUFFYFIC: Friends No Matter What (1/1)
       BUFFYFIC: Reflections 4/7

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 28 Jun 1998 14:42:26 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Fallen From Grace" (6/11)

Notes: Takes place the January or so of Angel's change. E-mail me for missing
pieces. :)
Disclaimers: Blake and the Coordinator, etc, are mine. The rest would appear
to belong to High God Joss.
Distribution: Not without my permission, please.
Feedback: YES! To [e-mail], please, whether it be good or bad or
something in-between.

And now, on to the show!

~

                               Six

     He could save her. That's what Alistair Blake had made clear
to Pike, that he'd just been given the power to save the woman he
loved from the life she hated.
     *God, hold _on_ a minute, Pike!* he told himself. *That girl
just kicked you out on your _ass_, and you're still telling
yourself you're in _love_ with her?!* He shook his head. Way too
screwed up, here. This shouldn't be a priority. Yeah, last time
there had been that whole mutual-saving-of-asses thing going on,
but Buff had made it more than clear, she wasn't gonna dig the
whole walking-back-into-her-life-and-picking-up-with-even-a-little-
of-what-they'd-had thing. Pike sighed. This sucked, it seriously
_sucked_, and somehow he was still gripping the vial in his hand.
He should, he told himself, throw it out realize Buffy completely
deserved being stuck with this whole destiny/fate complex she had
fallen into. Somehow, though, he had the feeling that wasn't going
to happen.
     He sighed again. This was always the way, then, wasn't it.
First Buffy, then that goth chick in San An, and now Buffy again.
How come all the nice girls he fell for always wound up being
totally messed up in the end? Shallow and helpless or else twisted
so far he wasn't sure he knew who they really were in the end?
     At least, he thought, he was now in the rear of his van, which
was parked in an empty lot instead of in the middle of nowhere. He
had tucked himself inside the sleeping bag he'd had since he first
left home at age sixteen, telling himself to get some sleep. But
sleep wasn't coming, and instead he was staring up at the van's
ceiling, obsessing over the fact that if he were outside, he'd be
able to look up and see the stars-- the same ones Buffy was no
doubt looking up at.
     A soft scratching at the rear window made him glance over, and
when he saw the man there, he nearly choked. Then he recognized
him-- that guy from the bar who'd been so kind as to let him know
Buffy wouldn't want to hear anything he had to say to her. Little
freaky, Pike decided, but the guy had been nothing but obliging so
far, so he sat up and climbed out of his sleeping bag, then got up
and unlatched the back door, watching it swing out.
     "Hey," the guy said, smiling slightly. "What's with the van?"
     "Just passing through," Pike said, rubbing his eyes a little.
Had to be past midnight. "Didn't see any point in renting a hotel
room. Couldn't find any cheap hotels around here, either."
     "Yeah, that's Sunnydale for you," the guy said. "Bunch of
middle-class yuppies who have big houses, so the few relatives who
do come to visit this hellhole stay with their families instead of
in a hotel." He shrugged. "And there's not a high teenage drifter
quotient."
     Pike nodded, trying to decide just what it was this guy
wanted, and why he was standing there, not moving. "Uh-huh," he
said.
     "Hey," the guy said, offering a hand, "name's Angel. You?"
     Pike took the hand, shaking it. "Pike."
     To his credit, Angel didn't make a dig at the name. Then
again, Pike supposed being named 'Angel' didn't leave a lot of room
for making fun of other people in the name department. "And you
knew Buffy back in the day?" he asked.
     "You could say that," Pike replied. He shrugged. "Obviously
don't know her anymore."
     Angel nodded slowly, offering a half-helpless shrug. "Hey,
women change." He shook his head. "Buffy just goes through more
dramatic changes than most other women."
     Pike grinned, getting the feeling this guy knew more than he
was letting on-- and liking the fact, because it meant maybe he'd
be able to have a real conversation with him. A real conversation
was just what Pike knew he needed right now. Not a shitfest of
meaningless drivel, but a real psycho-analyzing thing. Figure out
what it was that made Buffy tick, why it was she always shifted so
quickly. Why he couldn't ever seem to figure her out, even back
when they had been together. One night she'd be hot, the next
cold...
     "...like she doesn't even realize you're there," Angel
finished.
     Pike glanced up, surprised. He hadn't realized he was speaking
aloud. "Thinking out loud," he said quickly.
     "No problem," Angel said, putting a hand on Pike's shoulder as
he leaned against the doorway. He smiled slightly, something
glimmering in his eye. "She really screwed you up, man, didn't
she."
     "Not on purpose," Pike said, his gaze falling to the ground.
     "Yeah, well, if you say so," Angel replied. Then he looked
around, a troubled expression crossing his face. "Hey, you know,
this isn't the safest place to be around here."
     Pike shrugged. "Nah, but it's my van, and like I said, I can't
find a good hotel."
     "Yeah..." Angel said slowly, then he turned his gaze on the
ground for a moment before looking back up. "Look, Pike, I think
I'm gonna have to kind of insist that you not stay out here."
     "Why not?"
     "Well," Angel said, swallowing and looking half-apologetic,
"this is gonna sound completely insane, but...stuff around here
isn't always what it seems. And you don't want to be in the wrong
place when that stuff comes out to play."
     Pike raised an eyebrow. Angel knew Buffy, and he'd just all
but said outright that he knew about the Hellmouth...which meant he
could know about quite a few other things. It also meant Pike could
most likely confide in him. He nodded. "So where am I supposed to
go, then?" he asked.
     Angel appeared half-surprised that Pike had taken his word for
matters so quickly. "You could stay at my place, if you want," he
said.
     Pike nodded, and Angel stepped out of the way to let him lock
and close the back doors of the van. "Sounds good," he said.
"Where're you at?"
     "Got an apartment a few blocks away," Angel said with a smile.
"Come on." Without waiting, he turned and began to walk away, and
Pike soon had to pick up his own pace to keep up with the other.
                                *
     "So," Angel said as he settled into the chair opposite the
sofa he had told Pike to sit on. "How much do you know about
Buffy?"
     Pike grinned slightly. "She's a pretty...special girl."
     Angel shrugged. "Doesn't carry herself like it, though," he
said. "I mean, she acts like she's the only one who can do half of
what she does."
     "Maybe she is," Pike replied, as he was struck with the nutty
feeling that maybe there was more to this on Angel's part than what
he saw on the surface. The entire conversation had had an air of
surreality since the beginning.
     "Maybe there's another one just like her, out there
somewhere."
     Pike swallowed. Okay, this was getting to be pretty blatant
double-talk. They were obviously each feeling each other out to see
how much the other knew-- at least, Pike knew he was, and he was
getting a more and more acute feeling that Angel was doing the
same. "So," he said, clearing his throat slightly. "How do you know
her?"
     Angel shrugged. "We used to be a thing."
     "Uh-huh." Pike looked him over, then shook his head. "You
know," he said, "you don't look like the kind of guy she'd hang out
with."
     "You don't think?"
     "Nah," Pike said. He shrugged. "You're more like somebody..."
He shook his head. "Can't quite put my finger on it, but more
like..." He trailed off, at a loss for words, and shook his head.
He wanted to say, Angel reminded him of Benny-- but that was nuts,
because the last time he'd seen Benny it had been because his ex-
best friend had been trying to eat the student population of Hemery
High.
     Angel smiled slightly. "Somebody you probably should have
stayed away from," he said.
     Pike raised an eyebrow. "'Scuse me?" he asked.
     "I saw you leave the club," Angel said, and he suddenly didn't
seem so friendly. He stood, looking down at Pike and giving the
other man the feeling of being quite small, quite insignificant.
"And...I hope you don't _mind_," he continued, "but I hitched a
ride."
     "Hitched a...?" Pike stood, shooting a glance toward the door.
"You know," he said, "maybe it'd be a good idea if I left now, hm?
And we could, you know, meet up later and have a talk if you really
think it's necessary. Because, well, we don't need to talk about
things right now and you seem to be stressing about something,
though I'm not really sure--" He broke off as Angel's features
suddenly shifted, becoming far more pronounced, and far more
menacing. "Holy _fuck_!" he shouted, scrambling backward a few
feet. "What the _hell_?!"
     "That'd be about right," Angel said, then he lunged toward
Pike with a feral growl, knocking him to the floor.
     Pike felt something cool and hard hit against his skull, and
then the world went black.
                                *
     Angelus glared down at the motionless form beneath him, then
shot a rueful glance at the table he'd accidentally thrown Pike
against. He knew he should have moved that thing.
     The sound of a throat clearing from the shadows caught his
attention, supposedly reminding him that Pike's fate was one
decision Angelus didn't have to take on.
     He growled, turning toward the Watcher who had stepped out
from the shadows. Blake was wearing, along with the tweed suit, a
rather self-satisfied smile. "Nicely done," he said, his voice
bearing the slightest hint of a congratulatory tone.
     Angelus offered him an annoyed smile. "No prob," he snapped.
"Now you guys are gonna stay the fuck outta my way while I take
care of the Slayer. Right?"
     Blake smiled. "Of course," he replied. He cast a look toward
Pike's unconscious form. "I wouldn't dream of getting in the way of
such a..." He looked back up at Angelus before finishing, his smile
becoming an insincere one. "...Master."
     Angelus hid a smirk, wondering if this Watcher had any idea of
just who it was he was dealing with. "So," he said. "You're willing
to do...whatever it takes...to bring her down?"
     "Temporarily, yes," Blake replied.
     "Good," Angelus said. He took a step toward the Watcher,
extending a hand as though to shake on a deal.
     But when Blake reached out to take his hand, Angelus sprang
into action. Grabbing Blake's arm, twisting sharply, hearing the
crack as he shoved the Watcher to the ground and ground the skull
into the floor, leaving a large stain that would most likely be a
pain in the ass to clean on the floor...all the motions streamlined
into one, and then Angelus found that time had slowed and moved
back to a regular pace as he found himself standing with a limp and
ragged body in his hands, the head of which was simply a large,
bloody mass of pulp, barely held to the rest.
     He dropped the mutilated corpse to the floor, ignoring the
blood as it seeped into the rug alongside the rest of the contents
of Blake's apparently near-empty skull.
     Angelus snorted. Idiot Watcher. Damned arrogant. Not that the
arrogance hadn't served his purpose. He smiled slightly. He now
knew exactly what Pike's relationship was to Buffy. He knew why the
Watchers had been interested in seeing her dead. And he knew they
wouldn't step in should something happen to the young Slayer.
     In other words, he thought smugly, he now knew every single
thing he would need to know to carry out Buffy's destruction.
     The only loose end that was left to deal with would be this
young hothead. There were several options open at this point, and
all of them held a special sort of allure. The most reasonable,
Angelus already knew, would be to use the boy as bait for the
Slayer. But no, he told himself, that would be far too easy, both
for Buffy and for Pike.
     The corners of his lips tugged upward as a new thought
occurred.
     Yes, Angelus thought to himself...the next few days were
definitely going to be quite a bit more interesting than those
which had preceded them.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!

------------------------------

Date: Sun, 28 Jun 1998 17:36:47 -0400
From: Jessica Dubois <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Friends No Matter What (1/1)

Title: Friends No Matter What (1/1)
Author: Jessica Dubois
E-mail: [e-mail]
Distribution: Please ask first. It'll be archived eventually at my own
site, The Place Where Forbidden Love Dwells,
<http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/attenborough/295/>
Rating: PG
Summery: It's a short piece, and mostly fluff. Just read it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Willow or Angel or any of the gang. Mutant
Enemy, Joss Whedon,  'Grr Arg' and 'Aw, I Need A Hug' do. No copyright
infringement intended. No profit is being made.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Author's Note: This is my fourth story in my as yet untitled series of
Angel/Willow pieces. It's set between Willow's Challenge/Angel's Hope
and The Rewards of Happiness.

Friends no Matter What
By: Jessica Dubois

    Willow rapped her knuckles on the table. He was late. He'd PROMISED to
be here. Buffy was off patrolling, and since things were still pretty
quiet, she'd finagled a promise from Angel to meet her here, so they
could talk, and get to know each other. They were really starting to
form a friendship, and she wanted to meet with him under happier
circumstances, but he was over a half-an-hour late. She hoped nothing
had happened to him.

    In that moment, Angel entered Willow's field of vision. He looked fine,
which went a ways to relieve Willow's worry, but he had a very grim
expression on his face. Willow's forehead furrowed.

    "Angel?" she asked tentatively, as he arrived by her table. "Is
everything ok?"

    He looked darkly at her. "No. Everything's not ok. I just wanted to say
goodbye."

    "WHAT!?!?!?!" Willow yelped. Several people close by turned to look at
her, which made her blush. "What?" she said again in a much quieter
voice. "Why?"

    "It's better this way. It's too dangerous for me to have friends. They
could become targets."

    "But, Buffy..." Willow protested.

    "Buffy can take care of herself. But you can't. So, it's better if I
just fade into the background. Like I used to." Willow's eyes rounded
with pain, and she tucked her head close to her chest. Angel leaned
forward, and brushed his cool fingers against her cheek. "It's better
this way." Angel said softly, then got up, and left the Bronze.

    Willow's head shot up. "Angel!" She got up and ran after him, but he
had slipped through the crowd as if he was a ghost, while Willow kept
getting caught in tangles of people. By the time she got out the door,
Angel was gone.

    Willow headed for home, dejected. Then an idea came to mind, and a
smile crossed her face. She'd be DAMNED before she let Angel give up.
She'd do whatever it took to make Angel understand that she was his
friend. No matter what.

                    *****

    Angel sighed as held the mug in his hands. He'd hated hurting Willow
like that, but it was necessary. She didn't understand how dangerous it
was to be close to him. He'd tried to have a friend once, fifty or so
years ago. And he'd been killed, because of what Angel was... is. <It's
not going to happen again.>

    Angel frowned as a knock interrupt his introspective. Nobody knew he
was here, except for Xander, Buffy and a few vamps he'd rather not deal
with at the moment, and Buffy was currently patrolling.

    Angel opened the door, ready for anything. Or so he told himself. A
furious Willow was the last person he was expecting, and as such, she
easily got past him and inside his apartment. Angel sighed, closed the
door, and turned to face her.

    He supposed that it had been wishful thinking on his part that Willow
would just accept his decision. She might be quiet, but when she got her
teeth into something... Especially when one of her friends were
involved. And she considered him a friend, even though that was a very
bad idea.

    "Why are you here, Willow?" he asked. "We have nothing to say to each
other."

    "You know why, and that's just a big lie," Willow practically hissed at
him, as she started to pace. Angel looked at her with confusion. This
wasn't the Willow he knew, although he had gotten a glimpse of this
creature before. It had been when Buffy had snuck off to the frat party,
and Willow had torn into him and Giles.

    "I'm not going to let you just burrow yourself into a hole, and shut
yourself away from the world. You deserve to have friends, and I'm NOT
going to let you push me away."

    "You don't understand, Willow. It's dangerous to be close to me," Angel
said in what he thought was a reasonable tone, but desperation and grief
tinged every word. "People around me get killed, no matter how hard I
try otherwise. It's not wise..." Angel trailed off, trying to suppress
the emotions that were raging through him. He'd never truly dealt with
his friend's death, and it was now trying to tear him apart. He tried to
suppress his emotions, but wasn't having any luck. A single blood tear
started to roll down his cheek. Willow was immediately with him. She
pulled him over to the couch, and sat down, pulling him down beside her.
He was so consumed with grief that he didn't even notice. She cradled
his head against her chest, stroking his hair and murmuring soothing
words, as he started to cry earnestly. His arms curled around her,
holding her close. He didn't cry as a normal person did, but his body
was stiff with grief, and tears ran down his face, catching in the
material of her shirt.

    After about fifteen minutes, the tears slowed, and Angel pulled away.
There was blood smeared over most of his face, and his eyes had torture
in them. He looked down at her chest.

    "I ruined your shirt. I'm sorry." Angel stood as Willow looked down and
gasped when she saw the big bloodstain that covered the front of her
shirt. Angel offered her a clean shirt. She took it and held it in her
arms.

    "I'm not going to leave you, Angel, and I'm not going to die." Willow
made a small rueful sound. "Alright, correction, I'm not going to die
anytime soon." She looked into Angel's eyes, while Angel looked at
anything but her.

    "I can't... I can't do it again, Willow. I can't lose my friends
again." She didn't understand. No one planed on dying, it just happened.
He couldn't do it again. Lose someone who depended on him.

    Willow looked at Angel. "Angel." He looked at her, finally. She closed
her eyes, and composed herself. "No one every wants to lose someone. But
that's the way life is. You live, you learn, you love, and you lose. And
if you don't do this, your life is hollow. You have to take chances,
Angel."

    Angel shook his head. "I won't risk the people around me. I won't-"
Angel stopped when Willow put a finger to his lips.

    "It's my choice, Angel. Not yours. If I want to risk being your friend,
then just accept that. Because I am going to risk it, and nothing is
going to stop me. And if you decide to be stubborn, then I'm just going
to have to find another way to convince you. Follow you around. Bug you.
Whatever it takes. And if I get myself killed when I'm out alone at
night..." Willow shrugged. "That's my choice too." Willow looked
defiantly at him. She sighed. "The way I see it, you have two choices.
One is to accept that I'm your friend and that I'm not going anywhere.
The other is to try to shut me out of your life. And I'm not going to
accept that. Which means I'll do everything in my power, and more, to
get you to see that."

    Angel looked torn. "Willow." His voice was filled with anguish. He then
came to a decision. It was foolish. It would get her killed, but he
didn't know what else to do. And he really would like a friend again. It
was nice, being able to talk to someone, without worrying about exactly
what he could say and what he couldn't. Angel nodded his head. "Alright,
Willow. We're friends."

    Instantly Willow's somber attitude vanished, and she grinned from ear
to ear, and bounced on her toes. She calmed slightly, but still exuded
an aura of happiness.

    "Great!"

    "I should take you home." Willow nodded and headed for the door.

    "Willow." Willow turned and looked askance at him. "Your shirt?" Willow
looked at the shirt still in her hand, then down at the shirt she was
wearing.

    "Oops," she said sheepishly, blushing. Angel smiled lightly, and
pointed her towards the bathroom. She practically ran into it, and
slammed the door. Angel shook his head as he waited for her. This new
friendship was going to be interesting, that was for sure. And he had a
feeling that they would always be friends. No matter what.

Fin

- --
"Ours is a forbidden love." - Willow, Lie to Me
"She's dancing... Dancing with Death!" - Drucilla, IOHE4U

Keeper of Willow's Spellcasting Ability

Visit my Site
The Place Where Forbidden Love Dwells
http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/attenborough/295/index.html

------------------------------

Date: Sun, 28 Jun 1998 20:39:21 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Reflections 4/7

Title~ Reflections 4/7
Author~Shani
Timeline~ letÆs say between Go Fish and Becoming I & II--Becomings will not
happen here
Summary~ Angelus becomes Angel, but has some thinking to do before going to
Buffy...if he decides to go to Buffy at all.
Disclaimer~ The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whendon,
Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th
Century Fox.  No infringement intended.  Story for entertainment purposes
only.
Feedback~ YES, YES, YES, YES!!  Please send all comments to [e-mail]


    Angel stepped into the sunlight.  Sunnydale was a completely different town
when lit with the light of the afternoon sun.  Angel took in all the sights
around him, but would not stop until he reached the SummersÆ home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Buffy was about to fall asleep when she heard knocking coming from her front
door.  Yawning, she went downstairs.
    ôComing!!ö she called.
    She slowly opened the door, not really wanting to deal with a sales person at
the moment.  What she saw nearly knocked her off her feet.
    There Angel stood, the sunlight surrounding him like a halo.
    ôAngel?ö  BuffyÆs voice was barely a whisper.  Angel reached out to her.  He
gently cupped her face.  She leaned into his touch, tears running down her
face.  Reality finally set in.
    ôHow?ö she asked, her eyes filling with questions and things that she wanted
to say.
    ôIÆm, IÆm not sure.  Can I come in?  I think we need to talk.ö
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    ôBuffyÆs not really going to die, right Giles?ö  Willow said.
    ôOf course not.  I mean, sheÆs Buffy,ö Oz comforted.
    ôI donÆt know, Willow.  I wish that I did.ö Giles said, his voice distant.
He remembered the last time it was written that she would die.  She did die,
but she was brought back.  He wondered if she could handle dying again.  He
wondered if they could handle her dying again.
    ôShe killed the master.  A golam shouldnÆt be a problem.ö  Xander said.
ôSheÆs died and come back before, as long as weÆre there, we can bring her
back again.ö
    ôI just wish we could help.ö  Willow whispered to herself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Angel and Buffy held each other.  They had talked for hours, filling each
other in on what had happened to them physically and emotionally.  Talking
about what would happen when they made it known that he was back and that he
was human.  The discussed their immediate plans for the future...
    Angel pulled away slightly.  ôLet me see you in the sunlight,ö he asked
gently.
    Taking his hand, Buffy pulled him off the couch and out the front door.  They
stood there a moment.  Each completely unaware of anything but them and the
fact that they were here together.
    Embracing, Angel whispered, ôI love you.ö
    A new wave of tears streamed down BuffyÆs cheeks as she kissed him.  To
Angel, that said much more than any words she could have spoken.

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #250
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