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buffyfic-digest         Tuesday, June 23 1998         Volume 02 : Number 242



In this issue:

       Re: Discuss: Re: BUFFYFIC: Reflections (1/1)
       BUFFYFIC: "A Miscommunication" (1/1)

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Date: Mon, 22 Jun 1998 19:06:07 PDT
From: "Sara Barton" <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: Discuss: Re: BUFFYFIC: Reflections (1/1)

Hi!  Thanks for bringing those to my attention.  But one thing I want to
point out is that when I said he stared into the mirror, I wasn't
implying that he had a reflection.  As you read on, it said that he
searched for a glimpse of what he used to be, which meant that he would
stare into it hoping he would see himself.

- ----Original Message Follows----
From: <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 22 Jun 1998 17:42:05 EDT
To: [e-mail], [e-mail]
Subject: Discuss: Re: BUFFYFIC: Reflections  (1/1)

Very well-written, technically speaking-- but a couple continuity
errors. I'm
posting to the list cuz I think they're important for other people to
know,
too.

>He stared into the mirror; the aged eyes never leaving, never blinking.

Angel can't see his reflection. At all. In "Out of mind, out of sight",
Giles
commented that it must be interesting to be invisible, and then the
camera
showed his reflection in the glass of a cabinet (something like that)
and
Angel said it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

>And as he sees the reflections of the deeds, it is his guilt that

Skipped tenses hereabouts, something I've seen less of lately than
usual.
Careful about that.

>It had been ninety-seven years since his last feed when he killed that
>gypsy girl.

And here, you might want to clarify that it's his last _human_ feeding.
He's
been killin' rats and stuff since then.

Other than those, interesting. Well-written. You might want to go over
stuff a
time or two more before you post it, to make sure stuff like the above
doesn't
slip thru. :)

Rachel



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------------------------------

Date: Wed, 24 Jun 1998 00:41:04 EDT
From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "A Miscommunication" (1/1)

Notes: Inspired by "Wanted" by the Cranberries, as well as by seeing Jenny on
Buffy for the last couple weeks. This story takes place between Angel getting
his soul back and "Passion", probably closer to the beginning of the
estrangement between Jenny and the gang than to the other end of the timeline.
Disclaimer: All disclaimers apply.
Distribution: Not without my express permission, please.
Feedback: Yes! Good, bad, and mixed, cuz I can't improve less I know what I'm
doing right wrong and backward! To [e-mail], please.

~

                      "A Miscommunication"

                  //Too many misunderstandings
                       Causing such delay
                And if it doesn't work like this,
                   Well I'll try another way.
              Oh, if this is the way you wanted it,
                   Oh, I didn't understand.//
                   -"Wanted", The Cranberries

     "Rupert, it's me. Jenny. I know you're angry with me, and it's
perfectly justified, and I-- I just want to talk. I care about you
and I want to make sure everything's okay, even though I know it's
not okay between us, and--"
     With a sigh, Jenny Calendar shook her head and felt her
shoulders slump as she leaned forward, resting her head in her
hands and curling up a bit more in her armchair. She pushed her
fingers through her hair and asked herself, why was she doing this?
Why bother? He would never listen to her, he would never understand
that despite everything, she hadn't meant to hurt them.
     "I'm such an idiot," she whispered, looking up through her
fingers at the phone she had set in front of her almost two hours
before.
     This wasn't working. She must have tried two hundred different
ways of saying she was sorry, and she still hadn't actually picked
up the telephone and called him yet.
     Well, she thought to herself, there was one way to remedy at
least the last part of the problem. Clearly, all the planning in
the world wasn't going to do her any good, here. So she reached
forward instead, picking up the telephone and dialing the numbers
she had memorized so long ago on those nights when she'd had
nothing better to do than sit at home with the staff list of
Sunnydale High and imagine what kind of nerve it would take to
actually ask the school's librarian out on a date.
     The phone rang twice, then the answering machine came on. For
a moment, Jenny was surprised. She hadn't thought someone like
Rupert would have an answering machine-- not the way he behaved
toward technology. She felt a faint smile cross her lips, and
immediately felt it melt away when she realized this meant she was
going to have to leave a message. Because she couldn't very well
not say anything, could she?
     Rupert's voice came on, telling her she had reached 555-7825,
and to please leave a message after the beep. But as she opened her
mouth, Jenny realized her throat had gone dry. She was shaking like
one of the girls she taught every day did when they were about to
talk to whatever football player it was who was the current "dopest
guy in school". She shook her head, telling herself to calm down.
It was just Rupert. Just the most amazing, sensitive, caring,
knowledgeable man she had ever met in her entire life. Just the
most wonderful man in the world, and she had only ripped his heart
out when she had betrayed him.
     It was a hard fight, but finally she managed to say the words,
"I'm sorry." That was all she could get out before her fingers
rebelled against her mind and turned the phone off, putting it back
down.
     She stared at the phone in horror as she realized what she had
just done. She knew full well there was no way she could dial him
back, but what she'd done was almost worse than not saying anything
at all.
     "Great," she whispered to herself. "Just _great_." She
swallowed, feeling tears rise to her eyes, hating herself for being
such an idiot. She couldn't have been a little more specific? She
couldn't have said, "Hi, it's Jenny, I'm sorry I'm a horrible
person"? He would walk in to check his messages, and if he even
recognized her _voice_-- which he might not, given that he had
refused to speak to her in close to three weeks, even at faculty
meetings-- he would think she had completely lost her mind.
     Shaking her head, giving her phone a rueful glance, Jenny
wondered how the hell she would ever explain herself to him. If he
ever asked. Which, she realized with a sigh, he might not.
     As she stood and made her way upstairs to take a bath and try
to calm herself down, Jenny wondered why she had even bothered to
try. Words didn't mean anything with a man like Rupert. He looked
at actions. And she had pretty well royally screwed _that_ up when
she'd opted to give her loyalty to her family and her people as
opposed to the man she loved and the girl he was sworn to protect.
Because of her, Rupert hadn't been able to do his job to the best
of his ability. And that, Jenny knew, wasn't something he was
likely to soon forgive.
                                *
     "Giles said it was in his living room," Willow said as Buffy
pocketed the key the Watcher had given them.
     "You look around in here, 'cause knowing Giles he probably
lives in his study," Buffy said with a slight grin.
     Willow nodded, and the Slayer moved off into the room where
Giles kept the books and such that he _didn't_ keep at school. As
she walked into the room, she heard something beeping. Immediately,
she moved toward the source of the noise. Giles' answering machine-
- - the one she and Willow had bought him at Christmas.
     So long as she was here, Buffy decided, she might as well get
the message for him. She pulled a pad of paper off the far side of
the desk and then pulled the drawer of the desk out, poising it
over the paper and hitting the "play" button.
     First, there was the automated voice: "You have. One.
Message."
     Then came Giles' voice. "You have reached 555-7825. Please
leave a message after the tone."
     Next, the short beep.
     Then, Buffy's brow furrowed as she heard the voice that came
on.
     "I'm sorry."
     Then a click and another beep, telling her the message was
over.
     "What the..." She hit the key again, listening as the message
replayed. It was a woman's voice, she thought, and it sounded as
though it's owner had been crying, but...
     "Is that Ms. Calendar?" came Willow's voice from the doorway.
     Buffy turned and saw her friend standing in the doorway,
holding the book they had been sent to pick up. "That's the book?"
     Willow nodded, moving over and hitting the "play" key again.
"Yeah," she said, then she listened to the message. "Why'd Ms.
Calendar call him?"
     Buffy shook her head, feeling her heart going hard inside her
chest. "I don't know," she said, her voice cold. "I'll tell him
when we get back, though," she said, knowing full well she would do
no such thing. Keep that lying bitch away from everything around
her, that was the best way to keep from getting hurt again. The
idea that the computer teacher would have anything to offer either
of them was something Buffy didn't feel like acknowledging in any
way, shape, or form. And as far as Ms. Calendar and her
relationship with Giles, better that it stayed dead. Better if
Buffy could keep Giles from getting hurt again. Better for
everybody involved. So, she decided, she would lie.
     "Okay," Willow said, and Buffy wondered for a moment how it
was the other girl could be so trusting sometimes.
     *Easy,* a voice in her mind cautioned. *She hasn't had her
entire world ripped away from her.* Ignoring the voice, and
offering Willow a brief smile, Buffy set the notepad down without
having written anything on it at all, and the two quickly left
Giles' apartment, headed back toward the school.
                                *
     Morning came, and Jenny found herself walking into her
classroom five minutes early for the bell, as always. Waiting for
her first period class, she tried to put the memory of her phone
call out of her mind-- it had bothered her all night long.
     She heard one of the kids walk in, but paid it no attention.
Truthfully, she had the feeling today was going to be one of those
days when she didn't feel like doing much of anything except
working. At least, not until she saw Rupert and knew how he was
going to react to her message.
     "Will," came a voice from the door. Jenny glanced up,
immediately recognizing the voice as being Buffy's. Maybe she'd see
some sort of sign as to how Rupert had taken her apology reflected
in the girl's face, she thought, a spark of hope igniting in her
chest.
     No suck luck, though, she realized. Buffy was still refusing
to look at her as Willow stood from her computer and walked to the
doorway, offering Jenny a slight smile as she passed by.
     Jenny returned the smile, but Willow had already turned and
walked out of the room. Sighing, Jenny wondered if this was what it
was like to be without a friend in the world. Sure, there were the
teachers she hung out with, and there were a few friends on-line,
but she had enjoyed the luxury of hanging around with Rupert and
the other kids. Having people around who understood the mystical
side of things. And of course, dating Rupert had gotten her more
teasing than anything else from the other teachers, because most of
them regarded him as something of a cold fish, and none were
particularly eager to spend time with him. Which had been fine as
far as her relationship with him had been concerned, because it
meant they weren't constantly fending off invitations for dinners
and such, but now that their contact had come to something of an
end, Jenny was beginning to realize the degree to which she had
been ignoring her other friends.
     A few minutes later, Willow walked back in, biting her lip.
Seeing the look on the girl's face, Jenny felt a tinge of concern.
"Something wrong?" she asked, the words slipping out before she
remembered that Willow, though she at least was still civil, had
also become a little cooler since Angel had lost his soul.
     "Um, no, not-- no," Willow said, offering a weak smile for
about half a second before she sighed. "Well, actually, um..."
     Jenny stood, walking around her desk, and leaning against the
front of the wooden construction. "What's up?" she asked, giving
her best approximation of a warm smile.
     "It's, well," Willow swallowed. "Buffy-- she says that, um,
Giles, he--"
     Jenny felt her heart sinking, knowing suddenly what it was
that Willow was going to say.
     The fact that she was now fighting the urge to let herself
cry, two minutes before class was going to start, must have shown
through, because Willow immediately continued. "He just needs some
time," she insisted, "and I mean, I'm sure it will be okay, because
you know, it's not like we're all mad at you, it's mostly just
Buffy, because of Angel, and--"
     "Willow," Jenny said quietly, shaking her head and taking a
quick breath, forcing herself to steady out. "It's okay."
     "Are you, you know, sure?"
     Looking up, Jenny took in Willow's expression-- concerned and
caring. And she managed a small smile. "Yeah," she said. "I'm
sure." She sighed. "And class is about to start," she said, "so you
should probably sit down..."
     "There's nobody else here, though," Willow said, looking
around the room. "But," she said quickly, "I bet they'll come in a
minute or so. So, um, I'll, you know, sit down, but if you want to,
um, talk later, you know, I'm free and even if Buffy's mad at you
I don't think I am, which doesn't mean I'm a disloyal friend or
anything, it just means I know that sometimes there are things you
have to do whether you want to or not, and I know you wouldn't have
hurt anybody if you had known it was going to happen, because
you've been a really nice teacher so far, and--"
     The smile on her lips growing slightly, Jenny held up a hand.
"Understood," she said, interrupting gently as Willow offered a
smile and sat down. "And Willow?" she continued, ignoring the pain
that was eating a hole in her heart in favor of the warmth that had
begun to grow when she had heard the girl's words.
     "Yes?" Willow asked, looking up.
     "Thanks," Jenny said quietly as another student walked into
the room and moved to his computer.
     Willow grinned. "No problem," she replied.
     Retaking her seat and hitting the key to boot up her computer,
Jenny knew Willow was right. Or at least, she hoped so. Because if
all it would take for Rupert to forgive her was time, then she
could wait-- because she had all the time in the world, and if it
meant he would let her back into his life, she would wait for as
long as it took.
     After all, she thought, it wasn't as though either of them
were going anywhere.

THE END

Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody

Comments to [e-mail], please.

------------------------------

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