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buffyfic-digest          Sunday, May 31 1998          Volume 02 : Number 211



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (7/?) by Andrea
       BUFFYFIC: Discuss: W/A fanfic wanted...
       Re: BUFFYFIC: Discuss: W/A fanfic wanted...
       BUFFYFIC: Torn Between Two Lovers 1/?

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 31 May 1998 17:27:07 PDT
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (7/?) by Andrea

Chapter seven. Disclaimers in part one.
Feedback is greatly appreciated to [e-mail]

And thanks to Rachel for helping me with this.


Willow's motel room
August 21, 1998

Quietly opening the bathroom door Buffy glanced into the room, when
Willow didn't turn she carefully slipped past the door and stood there.
Watching Willow set the table, marveling at how normal her actions were.
Four plates, four knives, four of everything. It was all so neat, so
ordered, so different from the reality they lived in. From the chaos she
had subjected them all to. She lingered in the doorway, grateful to be
in the room with Willow, without seeing the worry in Willow's eyes,
worry that appeared whenever Willow looked at her. The same worry she
could see in all of their faces. They tried so hard to cover it, but
that only made it worse. She could see it in their eyes, in the
stiffness of their movements. They were watching everything she did so
carefully, making her afraid she would take a misstep. Every word, every
expression had to be so carefully thought out, its effect on them
considered. She had damaged them enough, she wouldn't add any more.

Smiling slightly she leaned against the door frame and listened to
Willow hum under her breath as she set everything in its place.
Plates neatly set, forks on one side, knives on the other, napkins
neatly folded. Willow checked her watch and then begin placing the food
in the middle of the table. From the amount she set Buffy assumed Giles
and Oz would soon be returning. Buffy held her breath then expelled it
softly. Almost time to face them again. She leaned against the doorframe
wanting to take these last few minutes to observe Willow. Knowing that
as soon as Willow noticed her everything would change. The frown would
appear on Willow's brow. Her eyes would cover with worry, shoulders
would slump. Her stomach rolling she wondered what she had done to them.

Watching the sunlight catch on Willow's hair she questioned why Willow
still seemed so innocent, so undamaged by everything that had happened.
When she had been at her darkest point, when the pain of what she had
done had been unbearable she had reached out to Willow. Knowing even
then, in her darkest moments, that Willow would find her, that Willow
would help her, with no expectations or blame. Closing her eyes and
feeling her own rage boiling inside her she wished she could be that
noble. It was all too easy for her to place blame, to rage against the
world. As she finished setting out the dishes Willow turned and saw her
standing in the doorway. Watching the anxiety reappear on her face,
Buffy wondered if she had been wrong.  Maybe Willow was the least
innocent of them. Maybe she accepted the bad things so much better
because she expected them.

Stepping into the room she fixed her smile in place, needing to take the
look of fear off Willow's face. For a moment a slight tinge of anger ran
through her. She was so grateful to them for coming for her, for helping
her find her feet, but at the same time she felt their rush, their need
for her to be the slayer again. They wanted her to just get over it.
Thinking they could tell her what she did was okay and she would be
fine.  Walking over to the table she realized they just didn't
understand. They had no idea of the nightmare she had been living these
last few months. The black hole she had fallen in to. And in some ways
they didn't want to know. They needed her to be the strong one, the one
who led them. Sitting down in one of the chairs she poured herself a cup
of coffee. Realizing she didn't have any right to burden them anymore
with her guilt and regrets. They had helped her climb out of the black
hole she had been living in, now it would be up to her.  Willow was
staring at her, waiting for something, looking scared. Buffy mentally
checked herself, clothes were on, smile was in place, hair brushed.

Smiling brightly at Willow, she spoke. "Talking, we should be talking.
Sorry, I haven't talked to many people in the last few months. I guess
I'm out of practice."

Picking up a piece of toast, she eyed the room, she had been to out of
it last night to notice anything about her surroundings.  It was just
like every low cost motel room she had stayed in, but at least it was
clean. She toyed with the toast, breaking in into small pieces and
laying it on her plate. Willow fluttered around her, pouring her some
juice, smiling brightly. But her movements were rushed, her shoulders
tense. She watched Willow open her mouth to speak then close it.  Her
face betraying her nervousness, as she kept glancing at the pieces of
toast Buffy had put on her plate. Noticing Willow's agitation she forced
the toast down her throat not wanting to upset her anymore. Suddenly
tired, she wondered, was this how it was going to be. Everyone watching
to see if she was okay.  Poor Buffy, she sent her boyfriend to hell,
isn't that sad. But she wasn't okay the voice in her head was screaming.
She could never be okay again. The part of her that was okay had gone
into the vortex with Angel. Now she just had a gaping hole inside her.
Realizing her hands were clenching the side of the table she let go. Not
wanting to worry Willow any more than she already had. Opening her mouth
she tried to speak, tried to think of something to say that would make
sense.

"I want to go home."  She sat, as stunned as Willow looked, at the words
that had come from her mouth. Did she really want to go back? To her
mother, school, the law?  And Angel, the memories would be so strong
there. Taking a deep breath she waited for Willow's response.

"Home?" Willow looked stunned, stepping backwards, her look quickly
changing to fear. She tried unsuccessfully to cover it with a fake
smile.

"Yes, Sunnydale, the Hellmouth, remember?" Leaning forward in her chair,
she felt her body tense. Willow's reaction was not right. Her stomach
clenched, what terrible thing had happened while she had been gone. How
many new deaths were her responsibility?  Feeling the darkness beckoning
her she pushed it back. No more running, she had to face this head on.
But Willow wasn't answering her, instead she was checking the plates,
fiddling with the utensils. Sighing Buffy stood and walked over to her,
tried to look into her eyes. Willow immediately broke the eye contact,
dropping the spoon she had been holding. Willow tried unsuccessfully to
smile at her, failing she turned and scurried away, knocking over a
chair in her hurry to escape. Mumbling something about seeing what was
holding up Giles and Oz she rushed from the room.

Buffy watched her retreat with a sinking feeling, staring at the door
Willow had escaped through. Fighting down her own urge to escape, to run
out the door and never look back. The time for running had passed so she
sat back down at the table. Picking up a fork she played with a plate of
scrambled eggs that Willow had set out. Concentrating on remaining calm,
on remaining in the moment she wondered what horrible thing had happened
in her absence.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, the word echoed through her mind. What had she
been thinking? She hadn't been, that was her problem. It always was her
problem. Letting the fork drop on the plate she stood, unable to be
still. Pacing around the room she berated herself. What had she caused
this time?  She laughed, the sound bitter and hollow in the empty room,
had she really thought killing a few vampires in LA would make
everything okay in Sunnydale. Would she ever get this right? It wasn't
about her, it never was. It was duty, her duty. Her duty to guard the
Hellmouth. Her duty to kill Angel as soon as he had lost his soul. But
no, she had wanted Angel back. And she had wanted to lose herself in the
pain of betraying him. Feeling the tears coming she fought them back.
Pacing rapidly around the room, a lioness in a cage, she fought to block
her emotions. The time for self-pity was over. She had made her choices,
now she would live with them.

Hearing the doorknob turn she spun around to face them. Plastering a
calm face back on she smiled at them as they entered the room. Giles
looked disheveled as if he had dressed rapidly and his hair was dripping
still. Willow looked, if anything, more nervous than before. Oz stood
beside Willow, his hand on her arm. Giles cleared his throat, moving
closer to where she stood. Her mind raced she waited for someone to
speak. No one did, Willow and Giles just kept looking at each other,
then back at her. Realizing she would have to start the conversation,
she wished, just once, that they didn't need her to be the leader.

"What is it?"  She stared at their faces, seeing no sadness. Wondering
why, she hoped that meant that no one had actually died.

Giles began, stumbling over his words, "Um...Well...Um, you see..."

Breaking in, unable to deal with his hesitation she directed her
question to Willow. "What? Am I still wanted for murder?"

Willow looked shocked, "No, No. Of course not."

"Then...what?" Taking a deep breath to calm the anger she felt rising.
Her hands clenched at her sides. Did they really think hesitating would
make their news better?"

"Buffy..." Willow looked at her, her eyes pleading for patience.
Reaching out she grabbed Buffy's hands and held them tightly. Her face
was a mixture of pity and fear.

Buffy felt her stomach roll, the toast sitting heavily, "My mother."
Pausing to take a deep breath she whispered, "She doesn't want me back?"

"God, no. Buffy..."Willow said, upset that she hadn't told her about her
mother earlier. "I...We talked to your mother. She...She, well she
believes now. She wants you home. She misses you.  She is so sorry for
what happened between you."

"She was just being a mom. A clueless mom, but then again, how many
mothers get to see their daughter turn someone to dust right in front of
them? She must be so proud." Her bitterness seeped through her words.
Collecting herself she smiled at them, letting them think her sense of
humor was returning.

Suddenly a thought occurred to her.  Smiling at them she was sure she
knew what had them so upset. She pulled her hands away from Willow and
walked away from them, back to the table. Throwing the words over her
shoulder as she walked away.

"Oh. The thing were I was expelled. No biggie. Herr Synder already
shared that news with me." Picking up her coffee she took a sip. And
another, when she still got no response she turned back to them. They
were still just standing there, Willow standing so close to Oz, Giles
rocking back and forth. The same expressions on their face. Her
shoulders tensed again. She wanted to yell at them to just say it.
Nothing could be that bad. She had sent her boyfriend to hell, what
could top that.

Looking at the floor Giles began again, "No. It's not that. We...We can
deal with that at some o-other time. We..."

Willow watched Giles, unable to take the tension any longer.
Interrupting him she spoke the words quickly.

"Xander knew." Her voice held just the slightest touch of hysteria.

Buffy looked at her, feeling the floor ripping away underneath her feet
once more. Fighting to keep her face calm she stalled for time. Please
don't let it have anything to do with what she had done. Please don't
let it have anything to do with Angel.

"Knew what?" Taking a deep breath, trying to slow her suddenly racing
pulse. Please no, please no, kept running through her head like a
prayer.

"Everything." Willow's voice broke. Looking straight at Buffy she began
to cry, the tears running silently down her face. Buffy felt her heart
stop, then resume. She walked closer to Willow, reaching out, softly
brushing the tears away. Concentrating on keeping her voice even she
spoke.

"About?" Trying to give herself more time until she had to respond.
Xander had known, when she saw him, he had known. She didn't want to
know this. She wanted to scream at them to stop.  Beg them to keep this
secret from her.

"About the curse. About what I was doing." The words tumbled out of
Willows mouth as she leaned against Oz for support. " I sent him to tell
you. So you could stall. He didn't. I'm sorry." Willow was sobbing now,
her face buried into Oz's shoulder.

Buffy stood there, thinking she should feel something, anything. There
was nothing there. The black hole begged her to come, but she just stood
there frozen. She swallowed, felt a tic begin in her jaw muscle. She
couldn't respond to what they had said. Stepping away she distanced
herself from them. She wandered slowly around the room. The anger she
felt towards Xander pulsed through her, but it wasn't real. It settled
into the hole left inside her when Angel had been taken to hell. She
knew they were watching her, so she walked over by the bed. Turning to
face them she sat down. Not knowing what response they wanted from here
she began, "Oh."

"Are you...are you okay? Aren't you mad?" Willow's face was puzzled.
Giles just stood there, rocking back and forth, his face a mask of pity.

Looking at her and then to Giles she spoke, "Mad? Why?"  Realizing that
although the words she would speak may be true she didn't believe them.
She was somewhere beyond mad. Feeling every emotion she had ever held
for Xander crystallizing into hatred.  Using that hatred to cover the
wound left in her soul. Used it to hold the rest of her emotions in
check. A small part of her mind rebelled, knowing that all anger and
hatred directed at Xander was really hers. She deserved this. She pushed
the voice away. Closing her eyes she let Xander's betrayal wash over
her. Wondering if this was what Angel felt when she betrayed him.
Wondering why she was so surprised at Xander's actions. Betrayer, now
the betrayed, it was only fair. Xander's actions only served to magnify
the horror of her betrayal of Angel. Nothing felt real, the new pain
added to the old was just too much. She just felt cold, empty, dead.
Knowing they were waiting for her words she spoke them.

"What's that saying?" Pausing, she took a breath and continued. " What
goes around, comes around." Her voice felt heavy, the effort it took to
speak almost too much. " I betrayed, I was betrayed. Isn't that how it's
supposed to go?" Her head swam with visions of Xander telling her, of a
reality in which she hadn't sent Angel to hell. Putting her hands to her
face to block the visions she continued, " I betrayed Angel. Xander
betrayed me. It's fair, don't you think?" Looking up to see Giles and
Willow watching her with worried expressions. She smiled, hiding her
pain, needing them to let this subject die. She carefully got up from
the bed, afraid her numbness would slip and she would begin screaming
again.  She headed towards the bathroom, finishing her speech as she
walked, "I guess in a way Xander betrayed Angel too. Funny, we have
something in common." Reaching the bathroom she grabbed the door handle,
telling herself that she could do this, she just needed to be alone for
a minute. She shut the door behind her, leaving them watching her
speechless. Leaning back against the door she breathed deeply for a
minute, feeling as though she had just successfully walked through a
minefield.

Leaning against the door, she could hear them discussing her. Giles
telling Willow that she was just in denial, that eventually the anger
would come.  She snorted, almost laughed at the thought. She wasn't
denying anything. She knew exactly what Xander did, exactly how much his
decision had cost her. She just couldn't afford to let it matter. She
had made the mistake of following her emotions one too many times. She
was the slayer. That was her only priority now. Hurting Xander wouldn't
bring Angel back, nothing could. Walking to the sink she splashed cold
water on her face, practicing her smile as she looked into the mirror.
She dried her face, hands and turned to leave the bathroom, hesitating
for a moment as her hand grabbed the handle. Making sure she felt numb
enough she opened the door and walked confidently into the room.

She calmly asked them if they were ready to head back yet, when they
said they were she relaxed a little. She would be back on guard at the
Hellmouth soon. She began questioning Willow about her summer, Oz about
his band. She even asked Giles if he had gotten any new books lately and
listened to his answer. Determined not to let them see what this cost
her. They wanted the old Buffy back, and she was determined to give her
to them. She ignored the funny looks they gave her and the hesitation in
their words until they finally relaxed and believed her.  She continued
the conversation as they checked out of the motel, barely giving them
any time for thought. She couldn't take the chance they would try to
bring up Angel. Or Xander. She needed time, the cover she had put on her
emotions would only hold for so long. She wanted to be alone when she
finally broke, she owed them that. They had done enough for her already.
Walking to the van she even joked with Giles about his choice of
rentals.  Talking with Oz about his plans for the next year got her
twenty miles away from Los Angeles. The look in his eyes telling her he
understood what she was doing. Turning she spoke to Giles about getting
started training again. He glanced over at her, his expression taunt,
then relaxed. He would give her time. Making plans to get started soon,
she wanted to be in top form when the next new evil settled in
Sunnydale. Talking about different fighting techniques and new weapons
she wanted to work got them almost all the way to Sunnydale. To Willow,
she asked her about her computer stuff, nodding at her answers, only
half listening. Ignoring the mute plea on Willow's face, to say more, to
tell her what she was feeling, to talk about Xander's actions.  Unable
to answer it she turned away. Feeling her heart beat louder in her ears
as they drove closer to Sunnydale.

She managed to keep the conversation going until they reached the
Sunnydale city limits, her voice fading away as they passed the welcome
sign at the edge of town. Her stomach churned, she was back, surrounded
again by memories of Angel, back in the place were she had betrayed him.
Her heart began to race as the memory of what she had done began to play
in her head. She stared straight ahead, refusing to even blink her eyes.
Her fingers tapped continually on the dashboard. Counting the taps she
let the sound and the numbers fill her mind until the panic faded away
along with the memories. A bitter smile flitted across her face then was
quickly hidden. Smiling bravely for the benefit of the other occupants
of the van she counted the seconds until she was home, away from their
eyes.


*****


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

------------------------------

Date: Sun, 31 May 98 22:18:59 PDT
From: "Sapphire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Discuss: W/A fanfic wanted...

I just read 'Friendship' by Melissa Dawney,
and now I can't get that pesky Willow/Angel combo
out of my head. I read one by Anya, but does anyone
know of any other good Willow/Angel stories?


Sapphire:  [e-mail]
DC Mailing list; http://www.busprod.com/aclaybor
Keeper of Willow's momentary obsession with sore thumbs,
Willow's whimper of sadness for her dead fish and her fake frog fit in =
KBD
Keeper of Dawson's awe of the 'new' Joey and the song 'On My Own' that =
Joey
sang to Dawson during the pageant.
"First off, a policy statement: I would pay cash money to watch Duchovny =
read
from the phone book" - Caryn Weiner, movie reviewer. EW. Amen sister.

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 01 Jun 1998 00:01:54 -0400
From: Dreamscape <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Discuss: W/A fanfic wanted...

I had started posting my W/A fic 'Torn Between Two Lovers' to the Buffy-Beta and
Willfic list before I joined the Buffyfic list.  It's still a work in progress,
but  not too far from completetion.  I'll post parts 1-5 tonight.  Parts six and
seven are almost ready to post and I'm in the middle of part eight.

I hope you'll enjoy it.

Dreamscape205

Sapphire wrote:

> I just read 'Friendship' by Melissa Dawney,
> and now I can't get that pesky Willow/Angel combo
> out of my head. I read one by Anya, but does anyone
> know of any other good Willow/Angel stories?
>
> Sapphire:  [e-mail]
> DC Mailing list; http://www.busprod.com/aclaybor
> Keeper of Willow's momentary obsession with sore thumbs,
> Willow's whimper of sadness for her dead fish and her fake frog fit in KBD
> Keeper of Dawson's awe of the 'new' Joey and the song 'On My Own' that Joey
> sang to Dawson during the pageant.
> "First off, a policy statement: I would pay cash money to watch Duchovny read
> from the phone book" - Caryn Weiner, movie reviewer. EW. Amen sister.

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 01 Jun 1998 00:04:35 -0400
From: Dreamscape <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn Between Two Lovers 1/?

TITLE:  Torn Between Two Lovers 1/?
AUTHOR:  Dreamscape205
EMAIL:  [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION:  Anya, I'll submit it directly through the Slayer's
Fanfic site.  Anyone else, it's okay as long as you give me credit,
and email me with the URL I can find it archived.
SUMMARY:  A new love...or two... in Willow's life
RATING:  PG-13
TYPE: UTB
SPOILERS: none that I know of...
DISCLAIMER:  BtVS and its character's belong to Joss Whedon, the WB,
Fox, and Mutant Enemy.  No infringements intended!

Author's Note:  text enclosed in < > represent thoughts and feelings.


Part one  (a)

BUDAPEST, HUNGARY 1799

< How long has it been since she was taken from me so tragically? >
He turned from the portrait of his beloved that he had been staring at
to gaze out into the darkness of a nearby window.  He reflected on the
wife he had adored, and glanced back at the painting.  Her beauty had
been immeasurable, as if she had been sculpted by an artist.  The
auburn hair, those eyes that held nothing but love, her soft skin, the
hands that reached out to him to save her life.  He had failed her.
And he had never loved again.
< Someday... >


SUNNYDALE, CALIFORNIA 1998

Willow Rosenberg woke with anticipation.   < Ooh, the first day of
school! >  She loved school and could not understand why everyone
didn=92t share her enthusiasm.  She recalled her conversation with Buffy
on the phone the previous night as she busied herself getting ready
for school.

The phone rang, as she was about to arrange all her new supplies into
her book bag.  She dropped it onto her bed and hopped over to her desk
to grab the phone.

"Hey, Will!  Whatcha doin=92?" Came Buffy=92s voice as Willow held the
receiver to her ear.

"Just getting my school supplies ready for tomorrow.  And you?"

"Talking to you!"  Buffy quipped.

Willow smiled and let out a laugh, "Ooh, funny!"

She heard Buffy sigh on the other end of the line.  "I=92m not really
looking forward to tomorrow, but I=92ll deal."

A voice telling her breakfast was ready brought Willow back to the
present day.  Willow descended the stairs and headed for the kitchen,
where breakfast waited for her.  "Thanks, mom," she said, sitting at
the table.

Mrs. Rosenberg kissed the top of her daughter=92s head.  "You have a
great day, dear.  I=92m off to work.  =91Bye, now."

"=92Bye, mom!"  Willow turned her thoughts back to Buffy.   < I guess
she gets tired of the way the faculty rides her about grades and
attendance.  Honestly, if they all knew just what she did for all of
them, every day of her life... >  "They should graduate her with
honors!"  She finished out loud.  It really bothered her that her
friend was always under so much pressure from all sides.

Willow cleared the table and headed to school.  The walk to Sunnydale
High School wasn=92t too long, but she had time to ponder over the
events of the summer.

Willow had stayed in Sunnydale to attend a summer course in advanced
computer programming, while Buffy and Xander went on a two-month
vacation.  Buffy=92s father had overseas business that took him to
France.  Since summer vacation was the time Buffy=92s father had
custody, it was a given that Buffy would accompany him.  Buffy
originally had asked her to go, but her parents had already paid for
the course, and the money was non-refundable.  So, Buffy asked
Xander.  His immediate reaction was jumping up and down; doing some
kind of odd "monkey dance" that had both girls laughing until they
cried.  Xander=92s mother offered no protest, so the plans were made.

It bothered Willow that Xander would be spending so much time with
Buffy, knowing how he felt about her, but there really wasn=92t anything
she could do about it.  Buffy wanted a companion with her; she didn=92t
want to "do France" alone.

A smile appeared on her face as she remembered Giles=92 reaction to
Buffy=92s trip.  "Bloody hell!  It=92s bad enough when you just spend the
summer in Los Angeles.  France is a lot further away than that!"  His
concern was clearly written all over his face.  "What am I supposed to
do if some crisis erupts?"

Buffy just flashed him her patented smile, "Oh, Giles!  You know the
summer=92s always so dull in Sunnydale!  The vampires can=92t handle the
heat!"  Buffy giggled a little, "and besides, you=92ll be fine!  You=92ve
always got Angel, Ms. Calendar and Willow to help you!  Oh, and
there=92s always Cordelia...I heard her vacation plans were cancelled
due to family sickage."

Giles rolled his eyes, "Oh, what a comfort!"  He didn=92t bother
protesting further.  It was a moot point, the Slayer was leaving.
< It=92s not like I can tell Mr. Summers that his daughter is the
Vampire Slayer and needs to be where the vampires are! >

A week later Willow was without her two constant companions.  Odd that
the person she spent the most time with was Angel.  Her course had
been at night.  When Giles heard that, he immediately picked up the
phone and contacted Angel.  "Uh...hello.  This is Giles...Rupert
Giles.  I need your assistance."

There was a brief pause, then Giles spoke into the receiver again, "It
appears Willow is taking a night class at a local community college.
I was hoping you would be free to escort her.  If you wouldn't mind?"

Giles" concern touched Willow deeply, but she was far too timorous to
impose on Angel in such a way.  "Oh, no, Giles!  Please tell Angel you
made a mistake.  Ill be just fine!"

"Just a moment, Angel."  Giles held the phone to his chest.  "Don't be
foolish.  It is far too unwise to walk alone at night in Sunnydale.
You, for one, should understand that."  He shook his head when he
noticed she was about to offer further protest.  He resumed his
conversation on the phone.  "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"  It
wasn't long before the receiver was once again in its cradle.  He
turned to Willow with a smile, "Angel said he would be more than happy
to help you out.  He said he would not be able to live with himself if
something happened to you."

Willow recalled the surprise she felt when Giles told her of Angel's
sentiment.  It gave her a warm feeling all over.  It was nice to have
someone care about you.  Although why Angel cared, she wasn't sure.
He was always "Buffy's friend".  He rarely spoke to anyone else,
except in time of need.  Although, lately, she recalled catching Angel
staring at her.  But, she was too shy to ask him why he was doing it.

So, for two nights a week, Angel was her personal bodyguard.  She
hated to admit it, but she enjoyed the attention.  Although she wasn't
comfortable with the situation, the looks of envy she received from
her classmates were treasured.  She was not used to being in the
position of someone else's envy.  It was usually the other way
around.  That was the extent of Angel's presence in her life for the
first two weeks.

By the third week, she and Angel were arranging get-togethers.  He had
a newly found interest in computers, and asked her for help with some
new contraption he had acquired.  She remembered laughing to herself
when he showed her this "contraption", which turned out to be the
latest, top-of-the-line model.

By the fourth week, they spend almost every evening together.  They
had told each other things they told no one else.

Angel had asked her what her relationship was with Xander.  She
wrinkled her nose, "We've been best friends since we were small
children.  I'm afraid it's never become more than that.  Xander can't
see past Buffy, and he considers me like a sister."  She shrugged,
"What can you do?  I've been holding on to a dream that he'll wake up
and notice me, but I'm tired of waiting."  She hung her head, her hair
falling forward, covering her face.

Angel reached out, placing his fingertips under her chin.  "He is a
fool.  Any man, who can not see the beauty in you, is blind!"  He
gently lifted her head, until they were looking into each other's
eyes.   She was taken aback by the brilliance in his.  < Gorgeous >
His sincerity was heartwarming.   She offered him a small smile.

In an effort to offer her some comfort, and let her know he knew how
she felt, Angel told her of his last conversation with Buffy.  Buffy
had told him that she had decided that she could only see him as a
friend.  She had a duty to perform, and she didn't want her feelings
for him to get in the way.  They would always be friends, but that was
all it could be.  The ultimate brush-off.  He said he had known it was
coming.  She had been cool towards him for quite awhile.

Poor Angel...so alone.  < Except for me. >  They had become fast
friends.  She was amazed at how easily he fit into her world.  She
found herself looking forward to hearing from him in any form...be it
in person, by phone or computer.

Reality drifted among her thoughts, and she noticed she was near the
school.  She looked forward to seeing Buffy and Xander.  She, however,
was not expecting to see them locked in a passionate embrace!

------------------------------

End of buffyfic-digest V2 #211
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