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From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest)
To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com
Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #165
Reply-To: $SENDER
Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
Precedence: bulk
buffyfic-digest Wednesday, May 6 1998 Volume 02 : Number 165
In this issue:
BUFFYFIC: TPoLR. Real version, please read this one. (2/3)
BUFFYFIC: TPoLR. Real Version, read this one please. (3/3)
BUFFYFIC: Pictures of You (part 1)
See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 6 May 1998 21:49:29 EDT
From: KylenRevik <KylenRevik@aol.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: TPoLR. Real version, please read this one. (2/3)
When he awoke, it was still dark outside, and he was lying on
his front porch, curled up on the swing his parents had put in when
he was just a kid. With the worst headache he'd ever had. In his
entire _life_. He could remember when he and Willow used to sit
here, her Barbie Dolls dating his G.I. Joes, and now he...he...
What was going _on_, he asked himself. Why did he feel
so...woozy? Wiggy? Spaced-out?
Yes. Spaced out. That was right. Yes. He was spaced out.
Why was he spaced out?
He hadn't been partying. He hadn't been drunk. He hadn't
been...what was going _on_?! He shook his head once, twice, trying
to clear it and figure out what it was that was going on and why
was his entire mind so _muddled_?
Deep breaths. First thing was first.
He and Cordelia had been out the night before. At the Bronze.
She had to leave early...because...for some reason...and he was...
He was very, very messed up. He sighed. This absolutely
sucked. He sighed again, deeper this time. He was going to have to
call Cordelia and find out who she had left him with, and what
she'd been slipping in his drink, if she had, or maybe somebody
else had, though why anyone would feel like getting him drunk, he
wasn't quite sure. Wasn't as if he was considered especially
amazing, he knew.
Sitting up slowly, Xander watched a piece of paper flutter to
the porch floor, and leaned over to pick it up. A single word had
been scrawled there: "Tasty."
Xander shuddered violently, dropping the piece of paper as his
hand moved to his throat, connecting with two small puncture
wounds. "Ohgod," he whispered, feeling himself pale. "Ohhh god."
He looked around, and saw that it the sun still hadn't sparked
over the horizen. Yet. Then...he had time to get to Willow's.
Possibly, maybe, if he was _incredibly_ lucky.
He drew in a deep breath, swallowing quickly as he stood,
tearing down the stairs and breaking into a run, top speed. He
could get there before daylight broke, and she had an actual
basement, not just a dinky little laundry room.
*Great. So I'm gonna spend the night at _Willow's_. Just what
we both need. Not like I've got any choice in the matter, because
there isn't anywhere else I could go where mom and dad wouldn't
throw a fit, but I mean, really...sleeping over at Willow's. This
is great. Real funny. Funny weird, not funny ha-ha. This is _not_
funny ha-ha, in the least, at all. Definately very not funny ha-ha.
Because now some kooky undead creep has very possibly gone and
turned me into some kind of freakish...*
He was ranting. And he was at Willow's now.
He reached up and rapped gently on the door. "Will?" he
hissed. "_Willow_!" She was lying curled up on her bed, tucked
under her quilt, apparently not even hearing him. And if she didn't
_hurry the hell up_, he was gonna wind up getting fried,
and...and... "_WILLOW_!"
She jerked up suddenly, turning over in bed and staring at the
window. Her lips moved, but no sound came through the window. He
motioned for her to open the window, which she promptly hopped off
the bed and did. "Xander?" she asked, confusion etched into her
expression. "What are you doing here?"
Quickly, Xander hopped over the windowsill, thanking God that
WIllow lived in a split-level. "Something bit me," he said, as he
moved into the room, then turned to look at her. "Willow, one of
those things _bit_ me."
"What?!" Shock and concern flooded her features.
He pulled down the neck of his t-shirt a bit, then tilted his
head to one side, exposing the bite marks. "Something bit me." His
brow furrowed. "And it itches."
"Well don't scratch it!" Willow yelped as he reached up toward
the marks. "Xander, cut that out!" She grabbed his hand, and forced
it down to his side, inspecting the wound. "What _happened_?"
"I don't know," he said. "Cordie and I were out and then the
next thing I know, I'm waking up on my front porch ready to be
_toast_ when daylight comes along!"
Willow's eyes widened and she took a couple steps back. "You
mean, you, one of them--"
"I don't know," Xander said. "I have no idea. Didn't you catch
the part where I said _I don't remember what happened_?!"
Willow bit her lip.
"Yoy, Will," he said quickly, "didn't mean it like that, I
just, I'm freaking out, just a little, you know what I mean?"
"I-- I can imagine, I guess, yes," she replied.
"But...shouldn't we, um, go find Buffy, maybe?"
"No!" he yelped. "Will, she's a vampire _Slayer_!" He shook
his head emphatically. "She'd kill me!"
"Only _if_ you were...you know, and I don't think she would,
I mean...you don't seem like you'd be, a, um, very evil vampire..."
"Neither did her ex-boyfriend at first," Xander said, "at
least, not to you guys, even though _I_ said from the very
beginning that guy was bad news, coming in all creepy-like and
giving us the whole tortured routine, because see, I _knew_
something like this was gonna happen, and--"
Willow shook her head. "Xander?" she interrupted.
"Yeah?" he asked, feeling his heart pumping harder in his
chest. He wondered if that was a symptom of becoming a vampire.
Except he wasn't sure if their hearts beat. Except if they didn't,
maybe that was just because he hadn't quite finished dying yet?
Which would explain why he wasn't being posessed by some freaky-ass
demon and going all vampoid on Willow right now.
"Be-- be calm," Willow urged him. "Just...settle down."
Xander nodded, then shook his head. "Settle down, Willow, how
am I supposed to settle down?! I may never see sunlight again!"
She smiled slightly. "You're not even sure one of them did
anything to you."
"I know I got bit!" he yelped.
"Bitten! And _shh_, you're gonna wake up my, um, parents and
I'll have to explain, you know, why you're here!"
"Okay," he said, lowering his voice in volume but not in tone.
"I'm just kinda wiggin' out right now."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Everything's okay?"
"No." He shook his head. "Not okay. At all. Very not okay. And
you know what, I had this exact same conversation with myself on
the way over, and you know, it just doesn't _help_ any because if
I got vamped by one of those freaks, there's nothing we can do,
because I'm going to lose my soul and that'll be all there is to
it! Zip! Kaput! End of Xander as we know him!"
"Maybe the next one will be, you know, a little less likely to
freak out?"
"Not _likely_," Xander said, starting to pace. He reached the
doorway, then turned around and looked at her. "He'll probably be
much more likely to, you know, go all nuts and stuff. And like,
when he gets yelled at in class for not having his homework--"
"You couldn't go to class if you were a vampire," Willow
interjected.
"Okay, but there would still be night classes. Or something."
"You wouldn't go to them."
"I know. This is for the sake of argument."
Willow nodded an okay.
"But if there's a whole new me, that would just..." He trailed
off, shaking his head. "Will, you realize, if I die now, I'm gonna
die a virgin!"
Her expression suddenly shifted, somewhere between horrified
and hopeful now. Then she shook her head. "Well, but you'll have
your whole un-life to lose your virginity."
"But Buffy'll want to kill me!"
"She won't." Willow shook her head. "Look at how she was to
Angel."
"Yeah, but I'm not about to kill a family of gypsies," Xander
hissed.
There was silence for a moment, then Willow said quietly,
"Well...maybe that's a good thing."
Xander shook his head. "For the gypsies, maybe. What about me?
What about my needs?"
"Well, look at it this way," Willow said. "If you, you know,
did kill the gypsies, you could only have the soul until you,
well...you know, did it."
Xander's eyes widened slightly. "Excuse me?" He wasn't sure
why, but the words sounded somehow familiar. Not so much the actual
words as the meaning behind them.
Willow went suddenly pale. "Oh. Oops."
He shook his head, walking back over to her. "No...what's
'oops'? I don't like oops. Oops is confusing. I'm confused enough
as it is."
Willow took a breath, shaking her head. "No. I'm not supposed
to have, um, said anything about that. To, um, anybody."
"About what?"
"About Angel losing his soul."
Xander's eyes narrowed slightly. "Whoa. Hold on...a second."
"Yeah?"
"You're saying..."
"Nothing, I'm not saying anything, because Buffy told me not
to say anything."
Xander sighed and shook his head. "Willow, come on, you know
me, you've never kept a secret from me in your life before...come
on..." His mind was racing to try and draw whatever connections it
was Willow had made between what he had been saying about losing
his virginity and something he was sure he'd heard and...
...it clicked. Oh dear. "She didn't."
Willow didn't answer him.
So she did. He shook his head. "Nooo...oohh, that's a bad
thing." He looked up at her. "How come nobody ever told me?" This
was _way_ too freaky. Because...even though he knew nobody had ever
told him anything about this, or was reasonably sure of that,
anyway, he...had the feeling he had somehow known about Angel and
Buffy. Before. If that was what Willow was saying. Which it wasn't.
Because...because, well, it just wasn't.
"Because," Willow said. "We just kind of thought it might not
go over so well, you know, you liking her and all..."
"She didn't..." he looked at the expression on Willow's face
and shook his head. "...or maybe she did. Wow. Jeepers." He shook
his head. "That was the...one moment of true happiness thing?"
Willow nodded weakly. "You hadn't figured it out by now?"
Xander shook his head, rubbing his chin a little. "No, I did
_not_. And I mean, that in and of itself is slightly odd,
considering that sex is basically the only thing I ever _do_ think
about so far as Buffy is concerned..." He bit his lip, glancing up
at Willow to gauge her reaction, knowing darn well that the whole
idea of him liking Buffy wasn't something that went over incredibly
well with her, but what was he supposed to do? Just say yes, he
would completely forget about this beautiful, amazing young woman,
and not only that but dump his current gorgeous girlfriend, and go
out with the girl he considered his sister? And since he didn't
know how to deal with the fact that Willow didn't seem to be
thinking about him in a sisterly/brotherly fashion any more these
days, he had decided he was just going to ignore the whole thing
and hope it went away. Soon. Because this was just too plain wiggy.
~
Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 6 May 1998 21:50:12 EDT
From: KylenRevik <KylenRevik@aol.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: TPoLR. Real Version, read this one please. (3/3)
Willow watched him patiently as he continued trying to muddle
things out in his mind, but after a few seconds even that began to
get to be just a tad freakish. "How long till sunrise?" he finally
asked.
Willow glanced at her clock. "An hour and a half."
"Sun's rising early these days."
"Yeah."
There were another few moments of silence before Xander
thought of something new to say. "Will?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I stay in your basement?"
"Sure."
"Can you sneak me past your parents' bedroom?"
"I, um, I think so."
"Can we do that now?"
"You've got a whole hour and, and a half. And what if you, if
you're not a vampire, then what?"
"Then," Xander said, "I am going to stay down there and get
very, very pale." He did his best to stay straight-faced, but it
didn't work out so well. Before he knew what was going on, he had
let a short chuckle out. It was catching-- soon, both he and Willow
were doubled over and laughing harder than either of them would
have thought possible, under the circumstances. The laughter slowly
faded, though, leaving them much more sober than they had been
before.
"Xander?" Willow said quietly. "Do you really think, you know,
that you...?" She trailed off, not asking the question.
He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know," he said.
"I'm...kind of not sure. I'd think I'd feel different, you know,
but then I think and I do feel slightly different, but maybe that's
just because I'm _looking_ for differences."
"Like a hypochondriac?"
"But with vampires and urges to bite necks and drink blood."
Willow's eyes widened. "You've got a craving for blood?" she
asked.
"I don't think so, no. But I mean...what if it's just like..."
He shook his head. "Okay. Say I do have a craving for blood, but I
don't recognize it."
"How could you not recognize it?"
"Because maybe it's just like having a craving
for...chocolate." He grinned. "You're a woman, that should be the
right analogy."
"On behalf of the women of the world, I..." But Willow
couldn't finish, and both started laughing again, albeit quietly so
as to keep from awaking her parents.
"You veel _agree_," Xander said, "Be-koss you are a _vomen_
and I haf _seen_ your kind with zee chocolate barz."
At the badly hammed up transylvanian accent, Willow's laughter
got even more intense, and soon the girl was hugging herself
tightly and curled up on the bed, shaking
Xander let a slight grin slip over his lips, but it lasted
only a moment-- because then he realized...Willow was crying. He
swallowed. "Will?" he asked, unsure of what had just happened to
change her mood. She didn't answer-- so he leaned forward slightly,
placing a cautious hand on her shoulder. "Willow," he said, "you
okay?"
She shook her head slightly, but didn't answer for a long
time. When she did finally speak, there were still tears in her
voice. "I...I don't want you to be a-- a vampire..." she said
softly.
He sighed and squeezed her shoulder a little. "I know," he
said. "Me neither."
Slowly, she moved to sit up a little more, and brushed her
eyes with the back of her hand. They looked at each other for a
long moment. She was biting her lip, and Xander felt a sudden
wrenching feeling deep in his chest, realizing a split second
before she leaned forward, what she was about to do.
He backed up quickly, his hands moving to her shoulders to
keep her away. "Will," he said, "let's not do that just yet, okay?"
She looked at him, and he thought he might have seen something
snap in her eyes at that moment, but he had no idea what it was or
where it had come from, and all he could do was hate himself for
being the one who had most likely caused it. Finally, she nodded,
ever so slightly. "Okay," she said, her voice no more than a
whisper. "I just..." She curled up a little smaller. "Don't-- don't
leave me."
Xander nodded, pulling her into a bear hug with a sigh. "No
worries," he said. "No plans to leave here. No plans here at all."
He smiled slightly. "I am somewhat flattered, Will, that you would
think me capable of having such a thing as a plan."
She shook a little in his arms, and as he was unsure of
whether it was in laughter or tears, Xander didn't move. Just sat
there, holding her, the thought of whether or not the sun was
coming up somehow the furthest thing from his mind.
*
"_Xander_?!"
Xander jerked awake, his hand moving to his neck and then
further up to where the sun was streaming in through the window. He
wondered why he wasn't ashes yet. Or burning alive. Burning undead.
Whichever. Either way. He squinted at the doorway. "Mrs.
Rosenberg?" he asked. He turned and looked at Willow, who was
standing in the doorway to the bathroom and had been brushing her
teeth until her mother had appeared in the doorway.
"Xander?" she said again. Then Willow's mother walked a little
further into the room. "Willow," she asked, "what is Xander doing
over this early in the morning? Not," she added, glancing back at
Xander, "that we have any problem with you coming over, it just
seems that you would want to be getting ready for school right
now."
Willow shook her head, smiling slightly. "He kind of stayed
out past his curfew last night," she said, "so he woke me up in the
middle of the night and wanted to spend the night because his
parents would kill him if he came in so early. And we were really
quiet."
"Yeah," Xander interjected. "No blowing up tanks and Barbie
Paradise Castles this time." He flashed Mrs. Rosenberg with a
smile.
And she bought it. Smiling weakly back at him, she nodded
slowly. "Alright, kids," she said. "But hurry up, kids, because
Willow's dad can drive you to school in about twenty minutes."
Both teens nodded, and Willow's mom left. Xander glanced over
at the girl, and shook his head. "Your parents are _so cool_," he
said. "You know, my mom would kill me if I had a girl in my room."
Willow smiled slightly. "I bet," she said. "You gonna wear
that to school?"
Xander shrugged, looking down at his outfit. "Eh, sure," he
said. Then he looked at her. "Will...about last night..."
"It's okay," she said. "If you had turned out to be a vampire,
you know, I would have wanted to know that you were comfortable
enough with me to, to just drop in and say so. And I really don't
mind. And I don't have any tests today so I don't even have to
worry about having gotten enough sleep!"
"And I didn't bring my books home with me anyway, so _I_ don't
even have to worry about not having them in classes today."
Willow nodded and smiled. "Perfect, then. Mom'll make us
pancakes if we get downstairs soon enough."
"Sounds good," Xander said, getting up off the bed and moving
toward the door.
"I'm just gonna finish getting ready to go," Willow said.
"Cool," Xander said, rubbing his neck absently as he walked
out of the room and downstairs, thanking his lucky stars that he
had apparently only been a snack-- and not a potential convert-- to
whoever it was who had attacked him the night before. If only he
could remember who it was. He sighed. He had the feeling it would
make a difference, too.
Oh well. No matter. He smiled slightly. He wasn't undead, he
hadn't burned to death in the sun, and he was now going to be
served some of the best pancakes he'd ever tasted, in his entire
life, from the time he was six up till now. His own mom wasn't much
of a cook, but Mrs. Rosenberg was, in short, amazing.
The scent of cooking pancakes was already wafting up the
stairs. Xander tossed a glance back at the door to Willow's room,
then took the steps two at a time to get downstairs, wondering if
he could flatter Mrs. Rosenberg into possibly not telling his
parents where he had been all night long.
The End
Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody
~
Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 06 May 1998 19:54:45 -0700
From: LadySun <KBleyle@earthlink.net>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Pictures of You (part 1)
Pictures of you was/is inspired by a Cure song (obviously called
Pictures of You). And I know I'm being really bad by having 3 stories
out, none of which are finished and adding this one. But I can't help
it. I've been listening to this song for an hour now.. my mom thinks
I've gone insane. But it rings a bell in my head, so I *have* to write
this... I have *no* choice. I've added the lyrics to this (like I did
in SOL) but if you go to
http://miso.wwa.com/~anaconda/lyrics/picturesofyou.html it has the
lyrics and a small interview about why Robert Smith made the song...
What can I say? It's really pretty...
Lyrics are in ~ tilde's ~
No copyright infringement is intended for either Buffy the Vampire
slayer or For Lyrics used by The Cure.
One warning though.. this story *was* made during my depression... So
it's a little sad... kinda violent.... over all I'm venting here :)
Oh, also. I want feedback on this. it's the first time writting Buffy..
I think I screwed both characters up actually, but the stories cute, and
that's all that matters, right?
Pictures of You (Part 1)
She lay on the couch. She should be outside, fighting demons, killing
monsters, slaying vampires.
But how? How could she go out, when she couldn't even think? When all
she saw was his face. His sweet heart, how could this have gone so
wrong? Something so beautiful turned to something... So... Hideous?
~ I've been looking so long at these pictures of you ~
~ That I almost believe that they're real ~
She sniffed again and grabbed another tissue. The movie was running...
Some sappy thing her mother had bought. No idea of what the images were
saying, her head was seeing another. His face as he grabbed Willow
threatening to kill her. As he had grabbed Ms. Calendar, no longer
threatening. They had said her neck was snapped... She hadn't felt pain.
Her heart ached. Everything was wrong. It was all blowing up on her.
The more she tried to do what was right, to help, the worse her precious
life became.
He wants to hurt her. He wants to have her. Like he already has
Drusilla.
How could the one person she loved, and trusted among all things... How
could her Angel do this?
~ I've been living so long with my pictures of you ~
~ That I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel ~
He sat, hands steepled in great thought. Thoughts of her, again and
again. All he ever saw. All he ever wanted.
He would have cursed at his weakness, but he'd been there, done that.
And knew, without a doubt that it would turn out right. Just as it had
with Drusilla
~ Remembering you standing quiet in the rain ~
~ As I ran to your heart to be near ~
It was odd. He still wanted to be with her. Not with her soul, or her
friends. But he missed her ambition, missed her energy, her mortality...
which, he thought oddly still, was so much different than her
humanity...
That he questioned. How easily she could go out and kill... Yet how
easily she could sit down and cry, have meaningful conversations on love
and life...
~ And we kissed as the sky fell in holding you close ~
~ How I always held close in your fear ~
She'd been there for him, countless times. There to say he wasn't a
monster. To ease his anguish, his sorrow. To be there. To say she loved
him. To say she needed him...
Where was he?
Where was the man that had promised time and time again to always love
her?
~ Remembering you running soft through the night ~
~ You were bigger and brighter and wider than snow ~
She'd killed him! The only one she'd ever loved.
She'd killed him in passion. In lust, in her love for him, she had
destroyed his soul. The very essence of him.
"I'm so sorry" she told to herself... Because she couldn't tell him...
He was gone... He was gone, never to return. She had to tell herself
this... She had to stop pretending that he would come back. That happily
ever after does happen.
~ And screamed at the make-believe ~
~ Screamed at the sky ~
Wondering idly where his soul was. Remembering all the nights, all the
hours spent with her. It was as though he were the same.
If not a bit more full... Filled with passion. Passion for her, she
ought to feel honored. He loved her so much.
He would hurt her. Though it had been she that freed him, just as Darla
had freed him, so many years ago.
He wanted her, her body, her soul, her heart. He wanted everything
that made her the slayer.
He wanted to hold her life in the palm of his hands, no longer
struggling, no longer grieving. He wanted to have her. All of her.
~ And you finally found all your courage to let it all go ~
She caught her breath, knowing still that mourning couldn't make her
stronger, couldn't help her to kill him. Though the tears, how easily
they came now. It was easier to cry, easier to breath.
Harder still to sleep, harder to hold her head up high as Willow talked
giddy of oz. As Cordelia snapped at Xander... Their snide remarks to
hurt each other...
Up in her room, she turned the ring, in her fingers, in her heart.
How could this happen? Tell me again.
- --
~ ` ~ LadySun ~ ` ~
<KBleyle@Earthlink.Net>
SD - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/SD/index.html
FK - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/FK/index.html
'We look before and After, and pine for what is not;
our sincerest laughter with some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those that tell the saddest
thought...' The Cure (Wish)
------------------------------
End of buffyfic-digest V2 #165
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