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From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (Buffyfic-digest)
To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com
Subject: Buffyfic-digest V2 #61
Reply-To: buffyfic@xmission.com
Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
Precedence: bulk
Buffyfic-digest Tuesday, March 17 1998 Volume 02 : Number 061
In this issue:
BUFFYFIC: The End of the Innocence 6/7
BUFFYFIC: The End Of The Innocence 7/7
See the end of the digest for information on subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 04:18:13 EST
From: Trey Cash <TreyCash@aol.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The End of the Innocence 6/7
Title: The End of the Innocence Pt 6/7
Author: Alex Queirolo & Erika Rottler
Email: treycash@aol.com, Sasheer@Aol.com
Distribution: Just ask.
Feedback: Absolutely! Please..we're eager to know what y'all thought of our
collaboration. Drop us a line.
Rating: PG-14 at best..extreme situations..see CONTENT WARNING below.
Spoilers: When She Was Bad..basically everything up until PASSION.
***
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story takes about three months after "I Will Survive" and
"That Was the Day". In this time-line, everything up until "Passion" occured
but that is where they split. For the important back story, please read "I
Will Survive".
CONTENT WARNING: We need to be up-front about this; this piece is NOT meant
for minors to read. It tells of graphic violent events and speaks rather
frankly of sexual situations. However, there is no actual sex involved in this
piece. It is rather unflinching and at points crude. We hope you will agree
however that nothing is out of place. Again, this story contains violence,
intense language, extreme angst and rather explicit discussions of sexual
situations.
DISCLAIMER: The only character in this piece that belongs to us is Asher. All
of the others belong to Joss "Da Man" Whedon and Co. Them are gods..we are
students. No bad is meant by this.
***
"Did I hurt you, Will?" Xander demanded. "Did I stab Buffy? Am I responsible
for her almost dying?"
"Xander.."
Dammit..tell me the truth!" Xander cried, tears filling his eyes. "Please..I
have to know...did I do those things? Am I one of the monsters we've been
hunting?"
"God, no...you mustn't believe that, Xander." Giles murmured, stepping around
the desk.
"How can I not?" Xander replied bitterly. Then he looked back at Willow. "Did
I do those things?"
Looking down at her hands, she nodded slowly. "Yes."
"Oh God..." Xander stammered, stumbling backwards and falling against the
wall. He crumbled to his knees and dropped his head.
"Who told you?" Oz asked, stepping over to him and bending down.
"I did." Another voice from the doorway said. The others looked up and into
the eyes of a very infuriated looking Cordelia Chase. And yet somehow, she was
still smiling. She moved over to Xander and pushed Oz out of the way. "See my
little boy-toy...I was right." And then she pulled back and hit him as hard as
she could across the face. He cried out and sunk even further against the
wall.
"Cordelia!" Giles yelled, walking towards her and placing himself in front of
Xander. "Stop this. I know you're hurting but this solves nothing."
"You know nothing, librarian." Cordelia spat. "Now get the hell out of my
way."
"Cordelia, what is wrong with you?" Willow demanded, walking towards her. She
bent down next to Oz and then looked up at the taller girl. "This isn't like
you at all."
"That's because it's not her," a third new voice said from the doorway. The
tone was dry and daring. "I'm right, aren't I...Asher?"
"Buffy?" Giles exclaimed, turning to stare at his Slayer. She was leaning
heavily against the strong frame of her vampiric boyfriend.
"Slayer." Cordelia growled, her voice taking on a sinister pitch."I knew I
should have killed you when I had the chance."
"Your bad," Buffy quipped, her watery blue eyes locked into the intensity of
her battle gaze.
"Cordelia? Buffy? What the hell is going on?" Willow asked desperately, her
own eyes full of fear and uncertainty.
Giles looked from his wounded Slayer back to Cordelia. "Asher? My God...is it
possible?"
"Yeah, Giles...just trust me on this one," Buffy replied. She closed her eyes
in pain and then looked back up at the demon in Cordelia's body. Very slowly,
Giles nodded. He knew better than to argue the word of the Slayer when she had
that particular look on her face.
"So tell me, Slayer..how did a vapid blonde bitch figure it all out? A Read Me
the Clues book?"
Buffy smiled sardonically at Asher,"Oh you're good...did years of stealing
bodies teach you colorful language like that?"
"No," he whispered, "Just a few hours in your friends' bodies taught me how
much they despise you."
"I'm not buying, Asher. You can't hurt me like that." Buffy replied.
"Yeah, whatever, Slayer..so tell me..how did you figure it out?"
"You really want to know? You actually thinking you're gonna be able to use
the knowledge to improve upon your performance next time? Nah..don't think
so..tonight is the end." Then she grinned coldly at him. "But I am willing to
humor your last request. You were a moron, Asher...while you were in Xander's
body...trying to convince us all that you were him...you kept identifying him
in the third person. And then you spoke of being alive for a very long time."
Then she narrowed her eyes, "But aside from all that...I know him...I know
what he's capable of..and I know attempted murder and torture ain't it. You
fucked up, asshole."
He laughed and then replied,"In the words of you moronic twits 'oops..my bad'.
Alright, Slayer..you wanna end it? Right here, right now? Okay with me...let's
get it on."
"Fine by me," Buffy shot back, eyes cold as ice. She dropped her arms away
from Angel and moved towards Asher. Angel tried to grab her but she gave him a
violent shove and pushed him away.
"Buffy, no!" Giles cried. What the hell did she think she was doing? As badly
injured as she was, she didn't stand a chance against a demon in full control
of an athletic and healthy body. She had to know that. And she probably did.
And didn't care. Bitterly, Giles realized that maybe his countless hours of
lecturing her on persistance of duty had finally paid off.
Buffy ignored his warning and charged, spinning into a high kick that made her
grit her teeth in pain as she spun in the air. Asher blocked high and then
lashed out with a kick of his own, finding Cordelia's perfectly toned body to
be an ideal fit.
Buffy slammed to the hard floor with a loud thud and a cry of agony. She tried
to rise but the pain overwhelmed her and she crumbled. Angel cast a worried
but irked look at her and then his facial features changed and he rushed
Asher. He broke out with three straight brutal combinations and then finished
with a 360 kick to the solar plexus. As Asher fell to the ground gasping,
Angel leaned over him and growled, "You forgot one thing, Asher..even as
limber as Cordelia is..even she has her limitations and now...you've reached
yours."
Xander watched the action with wide eyes, still not understanding what was
happening. He looked over at Buffy and his heart stopped."Oh God.." Shaking
his head, he rushed to her and joined Giles and Willow as they tried to keep
her consious. "Is she okay?"
"Yes," Giles replied tersely. "No thanks to her." He placed an arm under the
Slayer's body and helped her into the sitting position.
She shot him a weary look and then muttered,"You needed my help."
Before he could reply, he saw movement out of the corner of his eyes. He
turned his head so that he could watch the struggle between Angel and Asher.
The vampire looked to be winning. As Giles looked on, he witnessed Angel slam
the demon in Cordelia's body to the ground and then grab him by the hair and
pull him upwards. And then Asher spoke. In Cordelia's voice.
"Xander..please..God..help me...what are you doing?"
Xander looked up from Buffy to the site of his girlfriends' watery and fearful
eyes. She stared back at him with such pain that he felt his heart crumble. He
tried to move towards her but Buffy grabbed his arm tightly and held on. "No!"
Xander cried, trying to brush her away. "What are you doing? She needs me!"
"That's not Cordy," Buffy hissed, the pain coloring her tone. "It's
Asher..he's trying to manipulate us."
He looked at Buffy and saw the way she shook with each flash of pain and then
he looked back over at Cordelia who was still looking at him desperately.
"Xander..please..it's me...he's hurting me."
"Enough," Angel growled, slamming Asher hard against the floor. The demon
grunted and then allowed the body to grow weak and slip into unconsiousness.
Xander felt Buffy's less than strong grip on his arm fall away. He looked down
at her and then got up and crawled over to Cordelia. He knelt beside her and
pulled her into his lap. "Would someone like to tell me once and for all what
the hell is going on?"
Angel picked Buffy up into his arms and carried her to a chair. He set her
down in it and knelt down on his knees to check her wound. Then he looked up
at Giles, "This is pretty much your territory."
"Explanations..right." Giles murmured. He crossed over to his desk and pulled
out a thick book from underneath. He set it on the table and then leafed
through it. Finally he picked up the book and faced it towards the others.
"What is that?" Willow asked, turning her head. The others followed suit and
they all gazed at a dark blue blurr on the page.
"That would be Asher. Biblically, he was Lucifer's right hand man when the
dark angels fell. He was cast out of his body and became a 'body snatcher' of
sorts. He survives by using the anger and hatred of mankind to transfer
between bodies."
"So, it wasn't Xander.." Oz said.
"No..it was definately Asher. He's a rather ancient demon and he's quite adept
at manipulation. He uses a body's memories to further harm the individual's
close comrades. He is a proven murderer."
"You don't have to tell us that..he cut Buffy down like she was nothing," Oz
murmured. He looked over at Xander hoping to see relief coloring the younger
boys' face. What he saw however was still doubt and confusion.
"I remember," Buffy said quickly. She winced as she tried to move slightly
away from Angel's painfully probing fingers. Finally with a grunt of
annoyance, she pushed him away from her. "I'm fine."
"You were stupid," Giles shot at her, anger seeping into his voice. He turned
and stared at her, shaking his head in irritation. "You could have gotten
yourself killed pulling that idiotic stunt."
"Giles..I'm the Slayer," Buffy reminded him just as forcefully.
"You were almost a dead Slayer, Buffy. Dammit, you must learn to recognize
your limitations." Giles retorted, taking off his glasses and kneading a hand
through his hair.
"Giles...I really, really think you're over-reacting," Buffy growled.
"Okay, both of you..knock it off," Angel shouted, placing a hand on Buffy's
arm. "Look...I've known of Asher for awhile. This is the first time I've
actually faced him but I will say this..he feeds off of anger. It's how he
transfers from one body to the next."
"Meaning he has his limitations," Jenny put in, placing a hand on Giles' back
and rubbing it.
"Right," Angel nodded. "Even he must adhere to certain rules. Every demon has
it's individual set but Asher is a rather infamous case." He looked down at
Buffy to make sure that she had calmed down enough to listen. "He can only
stay in a host body for 72 hours before he is expelled. He must exist within a
human body. And the only way he can jump is if the receiver..that is the
prospective new host must be enraged."
"Just angry?" Willow asked. "I mean..that seems like it would be easy for
Asher to make someone angry...it seems almost like a gimme."
"No...not just angry...infuriated. Pure rage...nothing else...just focused
hated and blind fury. It's the simplest of emotions and yet the hardest to get
a person to. That's why Asher pushes and prods until he finds the way to hurt
the most."
"Wow...sinister," Buffy murmured."But how did he jump into Cordelia? She was
unconsious by the time he jumped?"
"Well..that's the other thing..in order for Asher to jump..the new host must
be unconsious. Human emotion changes so quickly..even unadulterated rage can
be tempered in consiousness. So, to even up the score...in some backwards
way..Asher can only jump if the host is out cold because then the subconsious
takes over and maintains the rage."
"Okay..so we have the jump figured out. How do we fight him? Can't we just
lock Cordelia in a room until the seventy-two hours is up? Won't that just
kill him?" Buffy asked, pulling Angels' hand to her chest and holding it
against her while at the same time keeping him from further inspecting her
wound.
"No...he'll destroy Cordelia. If we put him in a position where he knows that
he is going to die...he will kill her." Angel replied.
"He can't hurt her if he remains unconsious," Willow suggested.
"Were it that easy. Asher works on an extreme subconsious level. He can enter
her mind and destroy her forever. Even if her body survives, she'd be
cataonic. No..we need to find a different way and one that will destroy him
once and for all." Giles said softly.
Angel narrowed his eyes,"I have an idea."
***
"Why can't I stay with her?" Xander asked again as he paced back and forth. He
stopped in front of Buffy and shook his head. "None of this makes any sense."
"It's gotta be this way, Xand. It's the only way. Angel is already dead so
that voids the rule about him having to be unconsious and in theory, his demon
should be able to battle with Asher."
"In theory and what if Asher kills Angels' demon..what then?" Xander
exclaimed. "I mean..we're all assuming that just because Angel's big bad nasty
boy whooped Eyghon that he can clean Asher's clock too...but what if he
doesn't?"
Buffy shook her head,"Well...I don't know what then." She touched his
shoulder. "It'll work, Xand. Believe that."
"It's done," Jenny said, walking into the library with Willow and Giles.
"It is? Asher jumped?" Xander queried, hopeful.
Giles shook his head,"No...Jenny sealed the room."
"Asher won't be leaving there..one way or another. I placed a barrier..an old
curse over the doorway to the basement. He can't go past it. He and Angel are
trapped down there." Jenny told him.
"With Cordelia," Xander whispered. Then he looked up at them, "Now what?"
"We wait," Buffy murmured. She tried to adjust in the chair and winced in
pain.
Giles saw her reaction and frowned. He immediately scolded himself for
allowing her to remain as long as he had. "We need to get you back to the
hospital. They're probably frantic by now."
"Oh right," she replied. "I kinda left without checking out..mom's not gonna
be happy with her little Slayer."
"I imagine not." Giles replied.
Buffy sighed and started to stand but quickly discovered that she lacked the
strength. She fell back down in the chair and looked over to Xander. Her eyes
misted as she watched her friend stare at the ground. Even though he knew he
wasn't responsible for what he'd done...it was obvious that he was still
carrying guilt. "Hey Xand..will you take me back?"
He looked up in surprise and caught the soft compassionate look in her eyes.
Nodding slowly, he replied, "Sure..not like I'm any good around here. Not like
that's different than usual."
He stood up and grabbed his jacket. Pulling it on quickly, he moved around to
Buffy. He slipped an arm under her and pulled her up. She grunted in pain and
closed her eyes tightly until it subsided. He whispered an apology but she
waved him off and huddled closer to him to show her support.
Giles strode over to them, "Buffy..I uh..wanted to apologize for losing my
temper with you. I was concerned."
"No worries, Giles. I'm sorry too." Buffy replied.
"Good..um..well..promise me that you'll stay there the rest of the night. No
more rescue missions?"
"Sure..no more Slayer Commando for me." Buffy said with a grin.
"Excellent." He reached into his pocket. "Xander, why don't you take my car?"
Jenny grabbed his arm before he could give Xander the keys. Smiling like a
fool she said,"Let's get her to the hospital before the millenium, Rupert.
Xander..you can take my car."
***
They drove in silence, each focused on their own thoughts. He glanced over at
her a couple times, the pain lines creasing her face causing his guilt to
mount. He saw her clutch the seat as a fresh wave of agony overtook her. She
ground her teeth together and choked back a whimper.
He shook his head and looked away from her. He couldn't do it. He couldn't
look at the pain he'd caused. It was impossible and simply too much to ask.
"Xander..stop the car," Buffy whispered, hand across her stomache.
"Why?" he stammered. "I mean..you're hurt. We should get you back to the
hospital so maybe they can give you painkillers or something..."
"Plenty of time for that," Buffy replied with a sardonic grin. Then she
sighed. "This isn't about me..it's about you. And we need to talk so stop the
damn car."
Knowing better to argue with a Slayer in pain, he simply nodded and pulled the
car over. It was well after ten at night so the streets of Sunnydale were
deserted. Turning to her, he murmured, "Okay..now what?"
"Get out. I want to show you something." Buffy said, moving her hand down her
stomache so that it was directly over her wound.
"Sure..oh hey! Stay there..I'll come around and open the door for you," Xander
insisted as he got out of the driver's seat. He ran around to the passenger
side and helped Buffy out, wrapping an arm around her slim waist.
"Over here," she instructed, leading him over to the hood of the car. She
pushed herself up onto it and then patted the spot next to her. "You're
hurting."
"I'm fine," Xander replied, taking the seat. "Just confused. And angry. God
Buff...what did I do to you?"
"Xander, haven't you been listening? It wasn't you.."
"It was me! It was! It was my body..my hands...my thoughts...God...my words."
Xander whispered, unable to look at her.
She touched his face and turned him to look at her. "You can't believe that."
"I can't not. I mean...look at what I've done. I stabbed you. My hands had
your blood dripping all over them. And I laughed at it. you can't tell me that
that doesn't wig you.."
"Oh it does," Buffy confirmed.
"See.."
"But not the way you're thinking, Xand. Look at me," she smiled up at him.
"I'm scared because someone used you to hurt us. Someone..this Asher asshole
hurt us by hurting you. That's what wigs me."
"I nearly killed you. You're in pain because of something I did. Responsible
or otherwise..I did it to you."
"Dammit, no!" Buffy errupted. Then she winced. He looked at her with fear and
concern in his eyes. As he shakily reached out to touch her, she caught his
hand in hers "Just shut up and listen to me. For once..just listen."
"Okay," he mumbled, allowing her to guide his hand to her stomache.
She slipped his hand under the front of her tee-shirt and brought it to the
bandaged area on her stomache. "Your hands did this." Then she pressed her
sprained hand against his chest. "But you didn't. Xander could never hurt me.
You could never hurt me. I trust you with my life. I always will."
"Buffy.."
"Asher tried to kill me. He tried to kill us all. But he didn't suceed." She
took his hand out from under her shirt and then leaned forward and curled
against his chest. "I'm alive. We're all alive and we're going to get Cordelia
back."
He couldn't respond to that. He just laid back against the hood of the car and
held her against him, watching the rise and fall of her chest. It was when he
adjusted his grip to make her more comfortable that he felt something that
alarmed him. Eyes widening in surprise, he reached across and touched her
stomache again. He felt her wince at the touch but when he brought his hand
away, all he saw was red. "Oh my..Buffy..you're bleeding," Xander breathed in
disbelief as he stared at his fingers.
She looked down at her obscenely white shirt and saw a small but growing spot
of red on it. "Wow. You're right. Maybe Giles is right...I guess getting out
of bed tonight was a bad..a bad..a bad something." She tried to jump off of
the hood but ended up nearly falling over instead.
"Yeah..I'm thinking so," Xander replied, grabbing her before she pitched over.
"Okay..end of the heart to heart. You my little Slayer..are going back to
bed...ASAP."
"Okay," she murmured, suddenly drowsy. "No arguments here." Then she reached
out and grabbed his arm, using every bit of strength she could muster. "But
you gotta promise me something."
"What's that?" Xander asked, nearly carrying her to the car. He opened the
door and very gently put her in. He strapped her in and then ran around to the
other side and got in. He started the engine and then looked over at her so
that she could continue.
"You won't blame yourself for this. Not anymore. Enough damage has been done.
You wanna hold someone responsible...then fine...blame Asher. Don't let him
kick your ass with guilt. Kick his." She said, falling back against the seat.
Xander nodded slowly," You stay horizontal and you get well enough to kick
some vamp ass again and Buffy my little buddy..you got yourself a deal."
***
Angel watched her sleep. A vessel. The beautiful young form of a girl who had
no idea that her body was being used as one of the playing pieces in one of
the greatest battles of all. How could she know? Better off that she was
unaware.
"Does it amuse you to watch me, Angelus?"
Angel blinked and stared back at Cordelia. Only he knew instantly that it
wasn't her. Asher watched him out of her eyes and with hatred reflected in his
own soul.
"We're gonna end this now,"Angel told him solemnly.
Asher laughed,"Alright then. Let's get to it. I hate to be late to funerals.
You always miss all the good stuff."
***
"How did it go?" Giles asked, looking up from a a newspaper. He watched as
Xander trudged wearily across the library and fell into one of the chairs at
the table. Willow put her hand over his and gave him a smile.
"Alright, I guess. She started bleeding again but I think she'll be okay. The
docs wheeled her away pretty quick. I told them that I found her wandering
around delirious but I think she's gonna be in some trouble anyways."
"Great," Giles muttered. "That child..."
Xander sighed and then looked back over at Willow and Oz. As he and Will
locked eyes, he thought he saw something lurking in the shadows. Fear. Oh God.
Xander quickly broke away from her and stood up. He asscended the steps to the
stacks and disappeared into them.
Giles made to go after him but Willow shook her head. "I'll do it." She smiled
at Oz and then went after Xander. "Hey," she called out, finding him in the
demons without heads section.
"Will...I'm sorry." Xander said, looking down. "I promised Buffy I wouldn't
but I can't not..."
"Yes, you can. Look at me." Willow said, flashing him the smile he'd grown up
with. The one that showed only love and absoloute trust. "You have nothing to
be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong."
"Then why are you still scared of me?"
"I'm not, Xander. I'm not." She took his hand and squeezed it. "Come on."
Still holding his hand, she led him out of the stacks and back down to the
others. He flashed them an apologetic smile.
"Alright, people," Jenny murmured. "I guess we'd all better relax. It's gonna
be a very long night."
TBC...
- -
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 17 Mar 1998 04:24:18 EST
From: Trey Cash <TreyCash@aol.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The End Of The Innocence 7/7
Title: The End of the Innocence Pt 7/7
Author: Alex Queirolo & Erika Rottler
Email: treycash@aol.com, Sasheer@Aol.com
Distribution: Just ask.
Feedback: Absolutely! Please..we're eager to know what y'all thought of our
collaboration. Drop us a line.
Rating: PG-14 at best..extreme situations..see CONTENT WARNING below.
Spoilers: When She Was Bad..basically everything up until PASSION.
***
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story takes about three months after "I Will Survive" and
"That Was the Day". In this time-line, everything up until "Passion" occured
but that is where they split. For the important back story, please read "I
Will Survive".
CONTENT WARNING: We need to be up-front about this; this piece is NOT meant
for minors to read. It tells of graphic violent events and speaks rather
frankly of sexual situations. However, there is no actual sex involved in this
piece. It is rather unflinching and at points crude. We hope you will agree
however that nothing is out of place. Again, this story contains violence,
intense language, extreme angst and rather explicit discussions of sexual
situations.
DISCLAIMER: The only character in this piece that belongs to us is Asher. All
of the others belong to Joss "Da Man" Whedon and Co. Them are gods..we are
students. No bad is meant by this.
***
"Let's start easy, Angelus." Asher said softly, still using Cordelia's voice.
"Let's start with your past and how many people you've killed."
"You'll have to do better than that," Angel replied.
"Oh but why? Don't tell me you've actually made peace with yourself over the
fact that you've butchered and murdered hundreds. That's pretty sick,
Angelus." Asher taunted.
"I've made the peace I need to." Angel retorted.
"Alright..alright..if you think you can forgive away all that brutality..then
why don't we talk about more recent events...like the second time you went
bad. Like the first time you really had Buffy by the throat and you really
wanted to rip it out." Asher laughed. "Yeah, yeah..let's talk about the little
bitch. Sounds like a good time to me."
***
"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes. Snowflakes that stay on my
nose and eyelashes.."
"Willow.." both Giles and Xander grumbled.
She looked up, eyes wide with innocent. "What?" Behind her, Oz laughed at the
dirty looks the two other males were throwing the small hacker. Just as he was
about to speak up to tell her that it was fine by him if she sang, the phone
rang. Willow jumped up from her seat, eager to do something, and charged it.
Xander glanced at his watch and grinned,"Three in the morning...wonder who
that could be."
"Someone who should bloody well be sleeping," Giles muttered.
Willow threw him a look and then picked up the receiver. "Hello?"
"Heya, Will." The Slayer replied, sounding very tired but also very unable to
sleep.
"Hi, Buffy. How are you doing? And what are you doing? And why are you up so
late..or is it early?"
"Either, or." Buffy replied with a laugh. "As for the other questions..I'm
fine and not really in a lot of pain at the moment. Good damn drugs." Willow
couldn't help but laugh.
"And the doctors?"
"Not very happy with me. I don't think anyone is completely buying Xander's
sleepwalking delirium story. I think I'm gonna be in trouble with my mom for
this one and now I got an armed nurse at the door."
"Armed?"
"Ya..with tranks. Which reminds me..they just gave me enough to knock out King
Kong so if I suddenly go all funky crazy...something or other...like
that..just stay..stay with me."
"Gotcha, Buffy." Willow grinned. Now that at least one of her friends was
safe, she could allow herself a little bit of humor.
"So...how are things here..I mean there?" Buffy asked, beginning to sound
disoriented.
"Slow and full of tension." Willow replied.
"And how's our Xander shaped...person.."
Willow turned around and smiled at Xander who had conveniently knelt behind
the desk to find a deck of cards. Lowering her voice substantially, she
whispered," I don't think he's well at all. He's hurting pretty bad,
Buffy..and I don't know what to do."
"Reassure keep him." There was a pause and then said, "That is...keep
reassuring him. It'll take awhile to get rid of the guilt but he will get
through this. We all will. We always...do..yeah..those are the right words."
She sighed and muttered something unintelligible and then said,"So..is
Giles..optimism..optimistic?"
"Yeah..he believes it'll work. We're gonna wait until thirty minutes before
sun-up to check the score. Angel knows the time-table...they both do."
"Yeah," Buffy replied. There was a long pause and then she again muttered
something incoherent.
"Buffy," Willow laughed. "It's time for you to allow the happy pills to work.
Get some sleep."
"Uh huh. Okay." Buffy murmured drowsily. "You know what, Will..I think it's
time I let the drugs work. I'm gonna get some sleep."
"Great idea...wish I'd thought of it. Night."
"Night, Will. I'm surprised you didn't think of that," Buffy drawled as she
put the phone down.
Once the line went dead, Willow turned to stare at the others. "She really
needs mental help, Giles."
***
"So what do you want to talk about, Angelus? I'll give you your pick. We'll
keep it sportmanslike. We'll play the game like old friends."
"We're not friends," Angel growled.
"You want me to pick the topic?" Asher asked, lifting an eyebrow. He shrugged.
"Okay..well..hm..I'm kinda stuck between sex and death. You know what
though..we got plenty of time for both so let's start with..death. Yeah..it's
one of my favorite categories."
"You better study up..you're about to get first hand experience," Angel
retorted.
"Ooh..harsh. No fair..not a question. My turn." Asher laughed. "Okay, tell
me...how does it feel to take a life? Is is a thrill...to feel your victims
blood against your flesh. To watch them shudder.."
"I won't play your games," Angel replied.
"How did it feel to almost kill Cordelia? I mean..of course I'm glad you
didn't..that'll be my fun but how was it?" Asher smiled up at him.
Angel's eyes narrowed."I don't remember."
"Of course you do. I do. She does. They all do, Angelus. Remember..you'd
almost choked your beloved Buffy..and we'll talk about that later..but someone
stabbed you with Cordelia's hair clip so you took her out and you bit her. You
tried to take her life. And you almost suceeded until that Slayer bitch
stabbed you. Again..back to that later. I want to know what it feels like to
take the life of a person who can't defend themself?"
"You should know," Angel whispered, agony in his tone. The events of months
earlier were still fresh in his mind.
"This isn't about me, Angel. I love killing. I love their screams..as if they
think that I can be swayed to feel pity or compassion. I mean...come on."
Asher sighed. "And once..once you were like me..now all you are is a weak
little puppy dog. What did Xander call you? Oh yeah...whooped little dead boy.
Do you have any idea how much that boy hates you?"
"I'm not like you...and you're gonna hafta do better than that."
Asher squinted his eyes,"Here's the game, vamp boy..I have the control
here..you gotta make me switch bodies and I know I have to but you're not
playing fair. So understand this, I have control of Cordelia's mind...if you
don't start playing along...I will destroy it. Believe me...I won't hesitate
to take her apart piece by piece. And I'll make it hell for her. I'll make her
run for the darkest depths of her mind to get away from the torments I'll
bring to her. So here we are...will you play?"
"Yes," Angel hissed, unwilling to risk hurting Cordelia. Pride was important
but none of this was worth it if he allowed Cordelia's mind to be destroyed.
Asher grinned,"Excellent. I knew you were still a sport, lad. You know, you
have quite a reputation. Or at least you used to. You were one mean
fucker..someone I'd gladly call brother. Now you're just a coward screwing a
little girl."
Angel growled," If you want to play your twisted little game of 20 questions,
then do it but leave..."
"You're not about to say 'leave the Slayer out of it' now are you?" Asher
asked. He made a face and then shook his head in mock disappointment. "No can
do..I mean...what's the fun in that?"
"Let's just get this over," Angel replied, pacing the small basement. He
looked over at Asher.
"Okay. Okay. Back to the other question then. When you had Cordelia in your
arms, with your teeth in her throat..what were you thinking?"
"That I wanted to kill her," Angel replied in a low voice.
"Why?"
"I had my reasons."
"And I have my ways to make every moment of the destruction of her mind pure
hell. Now answer that damn question." Asher growled.
"I wanted to see Buffy cry. I wanted to destroy her. And I knew that if Buffy
allowed me to kill Cordelia...Xander could never forgive her. Never."
"Very true. It's still there," Asher murmured. Then he looked up. "The stupid
boy feels shame over the anger he felt towards Buffy for putting Cordelia in
danger. Of course then he became a coward and let that beautiful anger go.
Moron. What I helped him to do was the best thing he's ever done."
"I wanted to tear them apart," Angel finished.
"But you wanted more, right? You whispered something to Cordelia...I don't
think any of the others heard. Do you remember what that was?"
Angel nodded slowly,"I told her that I would make her like me so that she
could get her revenge on Buffy herself. I knew that it would hurt Buffy even
more if she had to kill one of her friends."
"That's right. And that feeling of passionate fury..total hatred towards the
Slayer..it set you free..didn't it?"
"Yeah," Angel replied. "I felt like I could do anything.."
"So why don't you allow yourself to do that now?" Asher cried. "Imagine what
you could do...still play the Slayers' fiddle but do the Angelus bit also."
"No," Angel growled, eyes narrowing into slits.
"Oh, why not? Wouldn't want to betray her? Open your eyes you idiot..she
killed you."
"I'm already dead," he retorted.
"Technicality," Asher replied with a wave of his hand. He sighed impatiently.
"She chose the life of someone she's only kinda friends with over her 'true
love'..that's gotta kind burn you, man."
"She made the right decision," Angel replied.
"Just like when she decided that you two should get..oh hey that's a great
phrase host o' mine...horizontal." Asher laughed. "You know that's the fun of
taking over teens...they give you just the coolest lingo." He sighed. "In any
case..back to the good stuff..the carnal stuff..."
"We made love," Angel said evenly.
"Right. Yeah. Sure, Casanova. You know, both Xander and Cordy think you two
just got horny and messed a lot of stuff up."
"It wasn't like that," Angel protested. "It's not like that
"See, I wouldn't know...not with the Slayer anyhows. All I got to do was
almost kill her. Now that was fun. Maybe when this fun evening is over, I can
find a way to get into her hospital room and complete the job. Or maybe I'll
possess her for a little while..get the intimate details."
"You'll never get the chance," Angel shot back.
"Ooh..awful cocky. Well hey, wait a minute...that's the point." Asher laughed.
He shook his head and made a motion to dry tears away from his eyes. Then he
narrowed his eyes."But you liked it, didn't you? The sex. You were her
first.."
"Go to hell."
"Her mind, Angelus..her mind. Don't start holding back on me just because I
wanna know the good stuff. I've kinda got a short temper about right now. I
mean come on...your slut of a girlfriend tried to take me on...gotta tell you,
bro...it was fun watching her hit the ground. Her cries...talk about sweet
music. Ah well...I'll get to hear them again soon enough."
"I'll kill you."
"You've been around these idiot humans too long, Angelus. Come on...don't say
things you can't back up." He leaned towards him. "So, what I want to know is
how much pleasure you got out of hearing her scream in pain when you broke her
in? Did you like it?" He frowned. "You know...this kinda sucks...I should have
taken over Willow...I bet she has better details...this body has a whole
section of her memory devoted to how little she gets told. She's actually
jealous that Buffy doesn't confide in her more. Stupid girl...you know...of
all of them..Cordelia has the most potential to snap but she won't because she
has mushy feelings towards Xander. Yuck, man..seriously." Then he looked back
up at Angel. "So answer the question..didn't you get a kick out of being her
first...the wrangler who broke the stallion."
"Stallions are male," Angel replied dryly.
"Answer the question or I'll end this game right now." Asher hissed.
"Yes, I enjoyed it." Angel replied shortly.
"How delicate. C'mon Angelus.. gimme details.." Asher grinned. "I mean
c'mon...she looks like fun. You know...come to think of it..this body I'm in
looks like fun too.."
"Your game, Asher..we haven't much more time.." Angel reminded him.
"Oh right..too bad. Okay, back to the Slayer then." Asher said with a sigh.
Then he grinned,"Was she a good fuck?"
Angel closed his eyes,"Yeah...she was."
"Details, brother of mine..did she sceam?"
"No," Angel replied tersely.
"Did it hurt her? You gotta know that...I mean she's so small.."
"Yes. Are we done with this?"
"We're done when I say we are. But you're right in a way..this is getting us
nowhere..you're just being a nostalgic little mush. Aw..what a sweet fuck.
Come on, Angelus...admit it..you felt power in that you got to the almighty
Slayer first. But that's not all..you felt power because in those
moments...you could have killed the little bitch and she couldn't have stopped
you."
"Yes," Angel admitted.
"Did you want to? Was there even a moment there when you thought to
yourself..I could end it right here? Make her mine forever?"
"Yes," he replied again, voice strung with tension.
"You should have." Asher said simply. "But now all you've got is a little
tramp that you can lay for a few more years until someone is lucky enough to
kill her." He leaned forward. "Someone like me."
"She's still alive. She beat you."
"For now. But do you know what it was like to have her blood gush down my
hands when I turned the knife in her stomache. Or to hear her moan in agony
when I hit her. Ecstacy, brother. Pure."
"I'm not like that anymore..I love her. I would never hurt her."
"But you did. You hurt them all. You tried to kill all of them. When you
died..both Xander and Cordelia felt relief...you made it all worse again..and
you made them lose respect for Buffy."
Angel looked up in shock, "What?"
"Oh..didn't know that, didja?" Asher said, shaking his head in mock
disappointment. "Well, yeah...when Buffy rushed back to your arms..they
thought she was pretty much just a tramp...I mean come on..talk about lack of
loyalty. You wanna know a secret, Angelus? Cordelia wanted to whoop Buffy's
ass...wanted to get even for a few months ago when the oh so distraught Slayer
kissed Xander. Aw..so when I took your little slut girlfriend out
upstairs...it wasn't me..it was Cordelia..and it's your fault."
***
"Check-mate," Willow muttered, knocking over Xander's king with her pawn. She
sighed and fell back against the seat. "For the tenth time."
Xander was about to reply when the phone came roaring to life. He blinked and
glanced at it for a few moments before jumping to his feet. Only to be beat by
Willow who hadn't needed to identify what was ringing.
Without preamble she said into the receiver,"Buffy, it's almost four in the
morning..why aren't you asleep?"
"Technically...I think they call this sleeping. Took me twenty minutes to dial
the number..I can't feel my ear." Buffy slurred back.
"Those are the painkillers, Buffy. They work better if you don't fight them,"
Willow admonished gently.
"Yeah..you're..probably right...you know I can't think...very well...this is
kinda hurting..um..what was I saying?"
"Not a clue..I'm guessing you want to know if there's anything new...which
there isn't."
"Oh...I remember now," Buffy rambled on. "Anything new happening?"
"No," Willow said with a laugh. She was about to tell her friend to go back to
sleep when she heard Buffy moan and then make a sound that vaguely resembled
the stiffling back of a pained cry. "Buffy?"
"No..worries..Will...I just.." Buffy cut off again, coughing harshly. Then
there was a brief silence followed by a few softly murmured words from a
second person in the room. After another pause, someone picked up the phone.
"Willow?" A strong female voice said over the line. Uh oh.
"Mrs. Summers?" Willow asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"Yes, hi Willow." Joyce Summers replied. "Sorry about this. I know you're
probably sound asleep in bed. Buffy had a little adventure tonight so she kind
of re-injured herself."
"Is she alright?" Willow asked, with real concern. It wouldn't surprise her at
all if Buffy had downplayed her injuries.
"She pulled open some of the stiching but she'll be fine if she'll just lay
down and get some sleep. I guess the sedatives and painkillers they gave her
weren't strong enough. But she's sleeping now."
"That's good to hear," Willow replied.
"Yes, it is. Doctor Clark just gave her a new dosage..it should keep her out
for a few hours but her little stunt tonight is going to keep her hospital
bound for a few more days."
"Ouch."
"Right." Joyce replied. Then she sighed. "Alright, I'm gonna let you get back
to bed, Willow. I'm sorry about you getting woken up."
"No problem. I'm used to it. Tell Buffy..when she wakes up..that we'll all
stop by tommorow."
"Will do. Goodnight, Willow."
"Goodnight." Willow sighed and hung up the phone. She looked over at Giles.
"Buffy is asleep."
***
"Sex is a powerful thing, Angel. Nations have been built and destroyed over
the power of a man and a woman uniting." Asher said as he stood up and began
to walk in circles. "Your night of passion with the Slayer did that much and
more. How many people fell because of you? How many lives did you destroy? All
because of one little tramp?"
"I don't regret making love to her," Angel hissed. "I never will. I regret the
sins of my past but I will never look back on my love for Buffy with any bad
feelings."
"Except for the fact that even after saying she loved you..she tried to pick
up on Xander. You remember that...you told Xander afterwards that you saw it.
And you didn't like it."
"I felt jealousy.."
"Because she's a tramp. Yeah..your sweet precious no-longer virginal Buffy is
nothing but a slut. I mean come on, man...it was only weeks after you rock and
rolled with her that she was picking up on Xander..trying to get with him.."
"That's not true.."
"That's sure what Cordelia thinks. And if I recall...Xander thought she was
using him too." Asher said, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe what he
was saying. "Great girl you have there."
"She was hurting and confused," Angel replied, teeth ground together.
"Alright..then how did you explain the affair she had in Los Angeles during
last summer? Oh wait..I bet she never told you about that. Nope..I imagine
not. She told Willow and Cordelia...one of the only things she's ever told
Cordy..."
"You're lying..."
"Oops...no I'm not. Well..if it makes you feel better..she didn't have sex
with the boy but she did go pretty far...yeah...your sweet loyal Buffy was
playing around with her old boy-toy."
"I don't believe you.."
"Hmm..now..Cordy here has a memory of Buffy saying that she'd moved on to the
living during the summer. Now..what do you think that means?"
"She was in a lot of pain...things didn't end well between us."
"They never will. You haven't a prayer of it. I mean, what was just a good
fuck at the moment will very soon give way to the fact that she's nothing but
a tramp who will use you and then destroy you. And if that's not
enough...she's going to lead all of the rest of them to their deaths. But
you..you..can stop her."
"What?"
"That's right...you can squeeze the life from her body...drink her
blood...gain enormous power and yet prevent all these losers from dying
because they they won't be part of the Slayer game."
"You're insane."
"And I grow weary. Time to take the kid gloves off. I know you almost killed
Buffy...I know you placed your hands around her throat and listened as her
heart slowed. And in those moments...you wanted that bitch dead and a part of
you still does."
"No!" Angel yelled, leaping to his feet. He took two steps towards Asher,
hands out-stretched and then he stopped. "I will never hurt her."
"Why do you fight your nature? You are a sick bastard..more than me. I know my
destiny...I know my purpose. I accept my power and the gifts it gives to me. I
enjoy it."
"I'm not you."
"Yes, Angelus, you are me. You feel the thrill of death when you kill. You
know the raw lust involved in sex..and taking what is not given to you. And
you know that if you could kill her...even for a second..the raw energy and
passion would overwelm you. And that may scare you but it is your nature. You
are a murderer. Deny it if you will but you are here to take lives and to
enjoy it and one day..you will take hers."
"No..."
"She will fall under your hand and as she dies..as your name leaves her
lips..you will know nothing more than the feel of pure ecstasy."
"No!" Angel growled. His eyes glowed dark yellow as his face shifted.
"If you don't have the balls to me who you are..then I will and believe
me..I'll make her hurt..even as I take her.."
Angel felt himself fall away from his humanity as the anger took hold. His
body went airborne and he slammed Asher to the ground, forgetting completely
about the host body. Wrapping his hands around Asher's throat, he bared his
fangs.
Asher laughed and then closed Cordelia's eyes and allowed himself to slide
away. He felt his coporial body sliding. The fight was about to begin.
***
At just after four in the morning, she began to tremble as if she were having
a convulsion. Joyce Summers ripped upwards from the seat next to her
daughters' bed and called out for a nurse.
"Something's wrong," Joyce breathed. She pointed dramaticallt towards Buffy's
bed where the girl continued to spasm wildly.
The nurse nodded sharply and then turned to another and barked out a series of
orders. She turned to Joyce,"It'll be alright..."
***
The darkness consumed her. She felt the walls slide against her, pressing her
body together and cutting off the oxygen. She struggled desperately for air
but relief refused to come to her.
"Help me," a voice called out to her. Cordelia.
"No..." Buffy begged, tears streaming down her face. She started to shake her
head. "No..please.."
"I'm dying," Cordelia cried again.
"Fight it," a second voice yelled. "Don't give in." God..that had to be Angel.
"Your time has come, Buffy." Xander charged, stepping out of the darkness. He
strode towards Buffy and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. Lifting her
into the air, he threw her. When she looked up again, it wasn't Xander.
"I killed you," Buffy whispered, staring at the Master.
"You thought you killed me also," Angelus growled, stepping beside the Master.
"No.." Buffy cried, trying to back away from him.
"You can't fight destiny, Slayer." The Master growled, reaching for her. She
tried to crawl away from him but only ended up smashing up against a wall. He
wrapped his hands around her throat and hoisted her into the air. "You are a
killer like us all. Either accept your fate or die like the coward you appear
to be."
Buffy continued to shake, unable to speak or even fight as the air rushed out
of her lungs.
"Buffy..please.."
She turned her head ever-so-slightly and gazed over at the form of her
vampiric lover lying on the ground. He stared up at her with agony in her
eyes. "It grows dark. The fight rages on but we both fall."
Drawing upon every bit of strength she had left in her body, she screamed out
his name. And then the grip on her throat relaxed and she felt herself
falling.
"Do you love me?"came the whisper in the air.
She lifted her head, tears in her eyes and replied,"Always." And then her
strength gave out and she collapsed.
***
He fell to the ground and clutched at at his chest. The battle had been fierce
and his injuries would take a few days to mend but it was finally over. The
winner and the loser were no longer one.
***
And then she stopped. The tremors ended and her body fell silent. She gasped
out for air but her eyes remained shut. A nurse leaned forward and wiped a
line of sweat away from her brow. "Whatever that was..it's over now."
TBC...Conclusion Coming Up.
- -
------------------------------
End of Buffyfic-digest V2 #61
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