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From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (Buffyfic-digest)
To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com
Subject: Buffyfic-digest V2 #25
Reply-To: buffyfic@xmission.com
Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com
Precedence: bulk
Buffyfic-digest Sunday, February 1 1998 Volume 02 : Number 025
In this issue:
BUFFYFIC: That Was The Day 1/2
BUFFYFIC: That Was The Day 2/2
BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: I Will Survive
BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Volume 2, #23
BUFFYFIC: Proofreaders needed.
See the end of the digest for information on subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Sun, 1 Feb 1998 06:50:32 EST
From: TreyCash@aol.com
Subject: BUFFYFIC: That Was The Day 1/2
Title: That Was The Day 1/2
By: Alex Queirolo
Genre: Typical Buffy/humor
Spoilers: Surprises & Innocence, Phases
Distribution:Anya's and mine. Eventually. Mine is:
http://members.aol.com/treycash/ff3.html
Feedback: Yes, please!
Summary: Um...Buffy, Cordelia, Xander,Willow, Oz, rabbits and bets.
***
THAT WAS THE DAY
BY: Alex Queirolo
***
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place after my story "I Will Survive" and therefore
adheres to the events of that piece. In the Buffy scheme of things, it takes
place after "Phases" but then promptly procedes to split off from the time-
stream that is Joss Whedon's. It makes the assumptions that Cordelia and
Xander are still together as are Oz and Willow and that through time, Buffy
and Angel can begin to rebuild their relationship. Time-wise, it takes place
around Easter which would be a couple months after the events of the
previously mentioned story.
CONTENT WARNING: This should contain nothing that is too objectionable except
for the fact that I'm trying humor instead of angst. That could be traumatic
for all involved. Actual contents include brief sexual situations, a tad bit
of language, a slight smidgen of angst(I tried..honestly I did but I couldn't
get away from it completely) and a whole lot of insanity. So damn the man and
rock and roll.
DISCLAIMER: The characters seen on the show BUFFY belong to Joss "Da Man"
Whedon. He is my yoda and such. Any that I create belong to me and I am their
god. Ya dig? I mean no infringement, just pointless lunacy. The title of this
piece is taken off of the THREESOME album and is by THE THE. The musical quote
is by BIRDBRAIN and is lifted from the original SCREAM album. Have fun.
***
"Say a prayer for the youth of America
God bless our youth America"
"Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny-suit
'cause that's how stupid I feel saying this..."
- -Buffy to Giles, Xander and Willow in "The Puppet Show"
***
Her eyes widened in un-natural horror and she stumbled backwards several feet
before slamming up against a wall. She grunted in slight discomfort and found
that she was unable to tear herself away from him. "No," she whispered with
tears forming in her eyes. "I don't believe it."
He lifted his hands towards her, trying desperately to indicate the good
nature of his intentions and then he sighed dejectedly, "It's not that bad."
"Um, no..it's not *that* bad." Willow Rosenberg said weakly, looking up at her
blonde haired friend who was still pinned to the wall in wide-eyed shock.
Willow covered her mouth with one hand to stifle a laugh that seeped through
the cracks and came out as a cackle. He turned to glare at her and she lifted
her other hand towards the Slayer, "She made me laugh."
Alexander "Xander" Harris turned and looked at Buffy Summers with such a
pained puppy-dog look that when he asked, "Is it that bad, Buffy?", she almost
lied.
Almost. "It's pretty hideous, Xand. Well, I guess the upside..if you can find
one through all that hair...is that now you know better than to make a bet
with Cordelia." Then she shook her head and grinned as she pushed herself away
from her bedroom wall. "Wow, Xander..that's bad." She walked up to him and put
a hand on his shoulder. "But don't worry..we still...love ...you...whatever
you are."
He gave her a mock thankful look and turned to Willow for encouragement. She
stiffled back a laugh and said, "Yeah and you can still hang with us at the
Bronze."
"You're not going to the Bronze tonight," Xander replied with a sigh.
"Wow," Buffy said with a laugh, "He's right." Then she stuck out her lower lip
at him. Only she wasn't trying to get anything from him; she was attempting to
assure him of the sincerity of her sympathy for him. The giggles that kept
creeping through weren't helping her case.
"You know this is your fault," he told them accusingly. "I wouldn't be..like
this...if it weren't for you two."
The two girls looked at each other wearing matching expressions of innocent
denial and then proceded to ruin it by cracking up. Buffy fell to her bed
clutching her sides as she laughed and everytime Willow looked up at Xander,
another peel of mirth escaped between her fingers as she tried desperately to
cover her mouth.
"Yeah, yeah..laugh it up but I'm blaming the two of you for any psychological
damage this..this...does to me." He pointed down at himself and then shook his
head in disgust.
Buffy crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him,"Aw..it's okay..we'll
visit you in loony bin..."
"Yeah," Willow chirped, "We'll bring carrots." That was all it took for Buffy
to lose it again and have to bury her head against Xanders' shoulder as she
held on to him for fear of falling over from laughing.
Then she looked up at him and said, "Hey..you did this to yourself,
Xand..you're the one who was stupid enough to make a bet with Cordelia. You
had to know she'd hold you to it."
"Whatever," he grumped, sitting on her bed. "You got a brush I can borrow? My
fur is getting all tangled up." Buffy pursed her lips and then reached over
and removed a brush from the desk. Xander took it and moaned as he started to
brush himself out, "Oh man..how did I get myself into this mess?"
***
"Ow! Dammit! Ow!" Xander cried, slumping back into the drivers' seat of the
Lincoln. He growled and stared at the steering wheel. "Damn, damn, damn."
"What's wrong now?" she asked, sighing in annoyance. "Is your shoe untied?"
She shook her head.
"No," he replied tersely,"The steering wheel was biting into my hip because
you move too much."
"I move too much. Oh that's great. Last time it was your nails are too sharp.
I don't think you wanna..."
He leaned forward and kissed her before she could finish the sentence. Then he
gave her a look that said "see" and grinned. "We gotta go meet Buffy and
Willow at the Bronze."
"They can wait," she smiled, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pushing him
back against the seat.
"I promised her..we'd...meet..Buffy..that..is...I promised...Buffy.." Xander
protested between kisses.
She pushed herself away from him,a look of pure anger on her face, "You can't
do it, can you?"
"Do it?" Xander exclaimed, wide-eyed. "I didn't know we were doing 'it'..I
mean.."
"No! No! No! You can't not say their names!" Cordelia cried out, desperately
wanting to smack him upside the head.
"They have names now? Wow.."
"Shut up..shut up..I'm talking about Willow and Buffy!"
Xander gave her a confused look, "You named them Buffy and Willow...oh
no..oh..oh..I get it..."
"Wow...I'm only pushing 80." She blew out a gust of air between her teeth in
disgust. "What's with you and them? I know they're your friends.."
"And yours," Xander reminded her.
"Whatever but hello, I'm your girlfriend...you know..car, kissing...not
telling daddy? Ring a bell or are you still only seeing Buffy's name up in
lights?"
"Hey...that's not fair...you're the one bringing her up now." Xander replied.
Then he sighed, "Come on..I don't wanna fight." He leaned forward and kissed
her. She pushed him back.
"No, uh uh. You're not getting out of it this time, Xander."
"Man! Why are you wiggin' so hard on this? Look, I'm sorry..can we kiss now?"
Xander exclaimed, leaning forward again.
She placed a hand flat on his chest, "No..I'm sick of this...if your mind is
on them then it's not on me and if it's not on me then I don't want to be here
because this is about me. You understand? Me."
"You. Right. Got it. Kiss?"
"Not yet, hormones boy. You wanna kiss me, we make a deal."
"What kind of deal?" Xander asked wearily.
"It's actually more of a..well it's a bet."
"A bet? What are the stakes?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, "I bet that you can't go an hour without saying
Buffy or Willow's names."
"You're on." Xander replied with a grin.
"Down boy..you may not like the stakes," Cordelia replied with a grin. She
traced a hand up his chest to his jawline and then looked him in the eye. "If
I win...you have to take my place at the Easter event that daddy's sponsoring
at the mall."
Xander swallowed hard, "Your place?"
"Uh huh. Scared? Don't think you can do it?" Cordelia taunted, the grin
becoming predatory.
He narrowed his eyes at the challenge, "Okay..alright and if I win..."
"Name it," she all but sung.
"Hmm...okay...if I win, you have to dress up like Laura Bosley and.."
"Ew..she looks like a hobo and her hair..it's disgusting..all ratty..yuck!"
Cordelia squeaked indignantly.
"I'm not done." He replied with a smirk. "You have to dress and look like
Laura plus you have to carry *my* books for me...to *every* class."
"Fine," she groaned, sticking out her hand.
"Wait a minute..one more thing...you have to walk around school yelling
'Xander is so sexy' as loud as you can for an entire day. Got it?"
She looked at him for a long moment, thinking over the odds in her head and
then she smiled, "What am I worried about? I don't think you've gone five
minutes without saying their names. You are so on."
"Yeah." He thrust out his hand and shook hers vigorously. And then he leaned
forward and kissed her. The way he worked it, if he kissed her for an entire
hour then he won. No talking. Just kissing. Helluva plan.
"Xander!" Someone yelled from outside the car.
The two of them jerked apart and Xander looked up in shock. And then
realization hit him. "Buffy! She's in trouble! Buffy!" He opened the door and
was about to get out to look around when Buffy and Willow came racing up to
the door, decidely out of breath.
"God, we've been looking everywhere for you two." Then she frowned, "Oh, sorry
about interrupting and all.." Buffy said quickly.
"Not at all. What can we do for you, Buffy?" Cordelia chirped. Buffy gave her
a strange look and then blew it off.
"We wanted to tell you guys that we wouldn't be meeting you at the Bronze.
We're gonna go catch Grease down at the park. You wanna come with?"
"We'd love to. After all, I've got to celebrate winning a bet." Cordelia said
with a smile.
Xanders' eyes widened, "Oh no...that doesn't..oh man...oh man.." He looked up
at Buffy and then whimpered, "I'm gonna kill you."
***
"Stop crying so much, Xander...you're gonna cause your fur to tangle even more
than it is," Willow ordered as she ran the brush through the bright pink hair.
Buffy laughed and turned away from them.
"I'm gonna..go..get something to drink..and a camera." Buffy said with a grin
as she retreated out of the room. Five steps out, she practically collapsed
against the wall, hysterical with laughter.
"Something funny, honey?" Joyce Summers asked as she stepped into the hallway,
an oversized suitcase under her arm.
"Oh, just the big pink guy on my bed." Buffy replied, trying desperately to
keep a straight face and failing miserably.
Joyce lifted an eyebrow, "Buffy..be nice to Xander. He's a boy and has a
fragile ego."
"Mom, he's a big rabbit. If that were me..*you'd* be harassing *me*
mercilessly. Admit it."
Joyce smiled. "Just remember, he won't be in that suit forever."
"I know. Twenty-four hours is long enough." Buffy replied with an evil gleam
in her eye.
"Buffy, be good. I'll be out of town tonight and tommorow night. I don't want
to come home to find pink bunny hair all over my house because you drove
Xander to..bunny-a-cide."
"Funny, mom." Buffy quipped. She leaned forward and kissed her mom on the
cheek. "Have a good time and be careful. You never know what kind of blood-
suckers there might be out there." Then she smiled as if she'd just remembered
something, "I mean art collectors..you know..bad men with stupid..I'm shutting
up now..I love you, mom."
"I love you too, Buffy." Joyce replied. "But you are a strange girl."
Buffy nodded, "That's me, mom...weirdness girl." Then she rolled her eyes,
grabbed the camera off of the table in the hallway and retreated back into her
bedroom where Willow was trying to help Xander put on his costumes' head.
"Wow, Xand..you are...so hot. Can I sit on your lap?" Buffy asked with a grin.
He shot her a dirty look.
"That's Santa Claus, Buffy." Willow reminded her. "Hold still, Xander..this is
tricky..your ears are too big."
"Oh that's great..first I have to wear this ridiculous costume because I tried
to be savior boy for the two of you.."
"Whatever." Both the girls said at once. Then they looked at each other and
giggled.
Xander rolled his eyes, "And now I'm taking friendly fire. All I can say is
that pay-back is a bitch."
"Just as long as you believe that," Buffy replied. Then she broke out into a
giant smile, "Hey Xand, do your folks know that their little boy is a cute
little bunny rabbit."
"That's it, Slayer..you're going down!" Xander yelled as he jumped at her. Had
she not been laughing so hard, she would have been able to easily avoid him.
As it were, he tackled her to the floor and they began to wrestle. Willow
watched with amusement until she saw Xander manage to pin Buffy with one of
his rabbit paws. Buffy struggled to push him off but her laughter was causing
quite a problem and it didn't help that his costume was difficult to
manipulate.
With a wicked gleam in her eye, Willow jumped on his back and pulled him off
while he cried foul. Buffy rolled out from under him and grabbed at the camera
sitting on the chair. "Smile," she chirped as she snapped the picture. Xander
howled in indignation and Willow dismounted, grinning cheek to cheek. "Wow,
Will..I already know the perfect place at school to put this pic."
Xanders' face flushed bright red, "You wouldn't dare..."
"Bet me," Buffy said with a laugh.
"You be good or I'll tell Giles that you're the one that had him summoned to
the faculty room two nights ago because you wanted to come party with us."
Xander shot back.
Buffy narrowed her eyes at him,"It's not over yet, Thumper"
Willow giggled and then cleared her thraot, "Uh guys, I hate to interrupt your
little black-mail party but Xander is due at the mall in ten minutes."
"Yup, yup," Buffy said, "So ya better hop to it."
"You're killing me," he replied dryly. "Really, truly. You're killing me
here."
***
"Where is he?" Willow asked as she tried to gaze out the doorway towards
Cordelia's car. She knew Xander was around there but she sure couldn't see
him.
"He's hunched down in the seat so that the little kids don't see him. I guess
I could have told him that there's a changing room at the mall but that would
have taken all the fun out of it."
"And it would have been the nice thing to do."
"He lost the right to me being nice.. whatever that means..when he lost the
bet. He's in my world now." Cordelia grinned. "Oh hey, are you and Buffy gonna
meet us down at the mall? I don't think this is something you should miss."
"We'll be there. Buffy is up to something. He should be afraid. Very afraid. I
don't trust her when she gets that look in her eye and she's still wanting to
get him back for giving her that trick ink pen."
Cordelia grinned wickedly, "Oh I know what she's up to and it's evil. And I
like it. Speaking of Buffy...where is she?"
"Oh," Willow said, sombering up, "She's in the bedroom talking to Angel."
***
"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly, her fingers intertwining with the
phone cord.
"Better," he replied. "My head's clearer. I..I feel better."
"Does that mean you're coming home soon?" Buffy asked with hope slipping into
her voice. She hadn't wanted to let him know how much she missed him but that
was only slightly impossible.
"Buffy.."
"Please." She said quickly. There was a long beat of silence and then she
added softly, "I want you here."
"I know...I know..I just...I don't think we can go back."
"I don't want to go back, Angel..I want to go forward..I just want it to be
with you."
She could almost see him smile and it caused her too. "We'll talk." Angel
replied.
"Yeah..when you come back...maybe tonight. Afterall...you wouldn't want to
miss Xander the Easter Bunny."
"Excuse me?" Angel laughed.
Buffy smiled, happy to hear his joy, "Oh, it's a pretty funny story."
***
"Hey, hey, hey." Buffy called out as she and Willow approached Oz in the mall.
He was standing with his back to the glass display window of the music shop on
the bottom floor watching the Easter display.
Willow and Oz greeted each other with a kiss and Buffy beamed at her friend's
apparent joy. It was good to see Will getting what she wanted. Both of her
best buds deserved happiness and now they were getting it.
"Hey ladies, you're missing all the festivities. Some little kid just asked
Xander if the Easter bunny has sex with Mrs. Easter bunny." Oz said with a
grin.
"What did he say?" Willow asked, laughing as she saw Xander kneel down and
talk with some rudy faced little kid who insisted on pulling on Xanders'
rabbit whiskers.
""Only when she unlocks him," Oz replied. "Cordelia just about had a fit. It
was pretty funny. I was amused."
"I would have been." Buffy put in, looking at Willow. The hacker nodded her
agreement.
"It would have been mirth-worthy."
"So, what's this big scheme you got up your sleeve?" Oz asked.
"Oh...you'll see," Buffy grinned. Then she looked at Willow, "Hey Will, did
you bring the carrots? Xander-Rabbit looks hungry."
TBC.......FEEDBACK PLEASE
- -
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 1 Feb 1998 06:54:10 EST
From: TreyCash@aol.com
Subject: BUFFYFIC: That Was The Day 2/2
Title: That Was The Day 2/2
By: Alex Queirolo
Genre: Typical Buffy/humor
Spoilers: Surprises & Innocence, Phases
Distribution:Anya's and mine. Eventually. Mine is:
http://members.aol.com/treycash/ff3.html
Feedback: Yes, please!
Summary: Um...Buffy, Cordelia, Xander,Willow, Oz, rabbits and bets.
***
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place after my story "I Will Survive" and therefore
adheres to the events of that piece. In the Buffy scheme of things, it takes
place after "Phases" but then promptly procedes to split off from the time-
stream that is Joss Whedon's. It makes the assumptions that Cordelia and
Xander are still together as are Oz and Willow and that through time, Buffy
and Angel can begin to rebuild their relationship. Time-wise, it takes place
around Easter which would be a couple months after the events of the
previously mentioned story.
CONTENT WARNING: This should contain nothing that is too objectionable except
for the fact that I'm trying humor instead of angst. That could be traumatic
for all involved. Actual contents include brief sexual situations, a tad bit
of language, a slight smidgen of angst(I tried..honestly I did but I couldn't
get away from it completely) and a whole lot of insanity. So damn the man and
rock and roll.
DISCLAIMER: The characters seen on the show BUFFY belong to Joss "Da Man"
Whedon. He is my yoda and such. Any that I create belong to me and I am their
god. Ya dig? I mean no infringement, just pointless lunacy. The title of this
piece is taken off of the THREESOME album and is by THE THE. The musical quote
is by BIRDBRAIN and is lifted from the original SCREAM album. Have fun.
***
Xander peered out through the screened eyes of the costume and to his horror
he saw them there. Willow. Oz. And Buffy. And oh God, she was up to something.
He saw her take a plastic bag from Willow and start to approach and his heart
began to pound.
He didn't have long to contemplate it however before he felt a savage tugging
on his whiskers. Looking down he saw a little boy searching through the
pocket of his rabbit overalls. Well at least he was a bunny with dignity. "Can
I help you little boy?" Xander asked into the voice changer. Appparenty
Mr.Chase didn't think his voice sounded very bunnyish. Talk about adding
insult to injury.
"Eggs," the kid growled, grabbing the front of the overalls. "Where are my
damn eggs? Didn't get none last year. Mom said ya screwed me over. Want my
damn eggs, Mr. Bunny."
Xanders' eyes widened. Oh this was great. Insult. Injury. Buffy. Cordelia.
Willow. Oz. Psycho kid. Go team go.
"How about a nice carrot?" A voice asked from above the kid. Xander looked up
and saw Buffy standing there with a bag full of carrots. His first instinct
was to groan at the obvious pun.
"Get real, lady...I want my damn eggs."
"How about I give you five bucks and you go buy your own eggs," Buffy replied
in a sweet tone that told Xander if the kid didn't take the money, she was
gonna go Slayer on the tike. Xander sighed and decided that it was a good
thing that it wasn't Buffy who'd lost the bet. On the other hand..Buffy in a
bunny suit woulda been priceless no matter what the attitude.
"I guess so. Let's see the fundage, lady." The kid replied through narrowed
eyes. Buffy rolled her eyes and reached into her pocket and pulled out a five.
The kid snatched it from her, examined it carefully while she watched in awe
and then turned to Xander, "Your mistress got you off the hook this time,
rabbit-boy but you'd better deliver next time or I'm telling the Mrs. about
her." And then he stalked off.
Xander turned to Buffy, "You see what I've been putting up with all day.
Little kids who use my whiskers..my poor precious whiskers for tissue paper.
Try to grab my tail and eat my ears...it's hell, Buffy...hell.."
"Yeah..Xand..I think you're becoming way too attached to that costume. Maybe
you should take off the head and let some air get to your brain."
"Oh no, no, no. I know what you're up to...you and Cordelia both. Wherever she
is. You're planning bad things for me. I think I'm safer in here."
"Whatever you say, Xander." Buffy said with a grin. Then she reached into the
plastic bag and pulled out a carrot, "Hungry?"
He groaned and grabbed the carrot and jabbed it at his heart. "Buffy, the
bunny-rabbit Slayer..ack..."
"Oh my God, mommy! Mr. Rabbit is commiting suicide!" A little girl walking by
yelled.
Xander swiveled his head and let the carrot drop to the ground. He looked at
Buffy for help but she was leaning against the wall of his "rabbit-house"
laughing so hard that she was practically crying.
"Oh God," she managed between giggles, "What I wouldn't give for a video
camera."
***
"Is that Alexander Harris? Betsy, is that Xander Harris?" a teenaged girl
asked her friend as they approached the area where the Easter display Mr.
Chase was sponsoring was set up.
"Oh my God...it is...Paula...look..Xander Harris is the Easter bunny." Betsy
cried out as she grabbed another friend.
Xander felt his face flush deep red beneath the mask. How the hell did they
know? And then as he watched the crowd of high-schoolers grow, his eyes
settled on the culprits; Buffy and Cordelia leaning against the display wall
of the music store watching with matching grins. Oh..they were so going to
die.
And then, almost as if they knew he was looking at them, they both lifted
their hands and waved. And then Cordelia blew him a kiss. He scanned to the
left and saw Willow and Oz watching with large grins on their faces and
suddenly he realized what was going on. He'd been set up. From the beginning.
Buffy and Cordelia had planned it all out and Willow had at least known about
it.
Ambushed. They'd played the ultimate prank on him from start to finish. Well
so they thought, he vowed. It ain't over yet.
And then Buffy winked at him and raised a carrot up to eye level so that he
could see her wave it around. And then she lowered it and took a bite.
That was the last thing he saw before the sea of high-schoolers descended upon
him, demanding to get their pictures taken with Mr. Easter Bunny. Ooh...they
were so going to die.
***
"I think pink is a good color for you," Cordelia assured him as she helped him
lift off the rabbit head. He groaned as the head stuck coming over his head.
"Right," he muttered. "One of them peed on me. Another one clipped my
whiskers.I'm whisker-less. Mr.Bunny has no whiskers and how am I supposed to
know if I can fit through a door..if I get trapped it's gonna be all your
guys' fault."
"But you're so cute..so kissably cute. And it's not like he peed on you..he
got your overalls. We can just strip those off and throw them in the washer."
Cordelis reminded him as she leaned forward and kissed his nose.
"Oh wonderful, now I'm a naked pink rabbit without whiskers," Xander replied.
"Actually it's kinda sexy...in a barbaric strange kinda way. Okay, its not but
you were such a good sport that I'll humor you and say you're sexy."
"Oh I'm touched," Xander responded sarcastically. "Oh hey, let's make this
evening complete, we can finish chewing off my bunny ears. Sure, they're not
chocolate but those little kids sure liked them anyways."
"Oh cheer up, it's over and you survived."
"No thanks to you and Buffy. The whole school is gonna knoew about this. My
reputation is shot. I'm gonna forever be known as Xander the Pink Bunny."
"I know this is hard to believe but this is actually an improvement over your
old reputation," Cordelia replied.
"Good to know I always have your support. When did you and Buffy become chummy
enough to plot against me? I kinda liked it when you weren't..it was less
painful for me."
She shrugged,"I don't know what your complaining about..you were a hit with
the kids. Daddy wants you to work the next two weeks up until Easter."
"Uh uh..hell no..no way..Tarakan bugs couldn't make me...no way...I don't even
want to know what evil things you and Buffy could do to me in two weeks worth
of time. As of tonight, I am this demented rabbit no more. I'm just fine with
being plain Xander."
Cordelia grinned,"I think I could convince you." And then she wrapped her arms
around him and pushed him back against the inside wall of the rabbit-house.
***
"Ugh..I got to still do a sweep of the cemetary," Buffy groaned as she munched
on the remaining carrots. She'd bought about twelve and then handed out all
but three to high-schoolers who had used them to torment poor Xander. At one
point Buffy had almost felt bad enought to step in and save him but then she'd
gotten a mental flash of the white shirt he'd ruined with that damn trick ink
pen. That'd been enough for her to decide that his pain was justified. Willow
had been harder to convince. At one point she'd had to physically restrain
Willow from running to Xanders' aide. At another time she'd had to convince Oz
to take Willow on a tour of the malls' computer shop. A few minutes in cyber-
nerd land had cured Will of her desire to help Xander.
"But we'll meet you at the Bronze afterwards, right?" Willow asked, taking a
carrot from Buffy.
"Yup. I am so the party girl tonight,"Buffy replied cheerfully. "And I'm not
gonna wait out here forever for them. Ten minutes, no show, no stake. No bad.
That's the way I see it anyways. And if Giles ask, then I can answer
truthfully that I did run a sweep."
"Argue semantics, that's good."
"No, no, Will...I'm just giving Giles a slight misrepresentation of the
acknowledged facts. Not semantics at all, just a different way of saying it."
"That's semantics."
"Well okay, if you have to be stubborn about it," Buffy pouted. Then she
grinned, "Angel might come home tonight. I'm hoping."
Willow smiled, "I hope so..that would be so neat..it'd be like couples night."
She squealed and reached forward and grabbed her friends' hands.
"Uh guys," Oz said from behind them."There's um, uh...bad men who haven't seen
a dentist in awhile behind you. Could you, uh..do that cool dusting thing you
do, Buffy?"
Buffy spun and scowled at the three approaching vamps,"Oh you just had to be
jerks about it. Oh well, might as well do my job..feel happy about myself and
raise my average."
"You're funny, Slayer." One of the vamps growled. "But did you hear the one
about Arkanasas? Turns out they found a new use for sheep...wool."
Buffy's eyebrow jumped upwards, "Oh great..a comedian. Figures. You, my
friend, will be stand-up funny to kill. Oh hey..I made a joke. I da chick."
And with that she spun around and kicked the comedian vampire in the chest.
Oz looked over at Willow and pointed to the bushed. "There are more."
"Oh shit!" she yelled. She gave him an apologetic and shy smile when she saw
his stunned expression, "We need back-up. I'll go for Xander and Cordelia."
"I get to fight." He nodded his head and grinned. "Right on."
"Be careful." She warned as she leaned over and gave him a quick peck on
mouth. He watched her go and then he jumped at one of the vampires.
***
"Okay, this pink thing really has to go," Cordelia muttered between kisses as
she worked desperately on the zipper of the costume. Xander growled and looked
at her.
"I've been trying for only the last ten minutes. The damn thing is jammed.
Maybe if we turned on the light.."
"No," she said quickly, "Kissing's okay..it's just weird feeling fur under my
fingers."
"It's your fault," he shot back as he kissed her again.
"Uh huh," she whispered.
Of course that was when the door flew open. Both Xander and Cordelia jumped
upwards and stared.
"Will?" Xander exlaimed. "What the?"
"Buffy's in trouble...she needs our help." Willow said quickly. She gave
Xander a once over and then said, "You don't have time to change. You're gonna
have to fight as Mr.Easter Rabbit."
"Oh great," Xander muttered, "Now I'm gonna have to take abuse from vampires.
This is so not my day." And then he followed the two girls out of the rabbit-
house muttering something about whiskers and nude pink bunnies.
***
His hand collided with her face and she stumbled back a few steps before
spinning around into a kick that knocked him to his back. She jumped atop him
and reached for something to stake him with. What she came up with suprisingly
orange.
"You're gonna kill me with a carrot, Slayer? Now look who's the comedian!" the
funny vamp laughed as he reached out and grabbed her hair and pulled it.
"Hello! I just conditioned that today!" She cried angrily as she pulled back
and smashed him in the nose. He howled in pain.
"You brokt my nowse, now how da hewl am I gunna tewl jokes?" He complained,
putting his hand over the bloody cartilage.
She gave him a dry look and then reached back and grabbed a piece of wood off
of the ground, "Don't worry,I'll pick up the slack. Sweet dreams, laughing
boy." She thrust it into him. To her horror she heard a loud noise that
resembled what Xander sounded like after eating too much Taco Bell. Wide-eyed,
Buffy watched as the vampire dusted and a whoopee cushion fell to the ground.
She shook her head and then jumped up to assist Oz who was actually handling
himself quite well. Giles had surmised that Oz had gained a few of his
werewolf like traits. Just the same, he was no Slayer.
"I got him..oof!" Buffy cried as another one kicked her from behind. She fell
forward stake extended and took out the vamp that Oz had been fighting. Oz
nodded.
"Cool."
"Why thank you," she grinned, spinning to deal with the last remaining vamp.
Of course he was the one that had to be the pain in the ass about becoming
dust. "Would you just..oof...die...already?" she asked in exasperation as she
dodged his Jackie Chan like kicks.
He spoke in some foreign language, hurling a whole line of dialogue at her
that just flew past her head. Hell, maybe he was Jackie Chan.
"Buffy!" Xander cried as he, Cordelia and Willow came into the clearing. Buffy
turned ever-so-slightly to see her new arrivals and instantly knew she
shouldn't have. Kung-fu boy was just too good. She hit the dirt with a thump
and groaned as he placed his foot on her chest, pointed and yelled a bunch of
unintelligible things at her. Great, she thought, I'm gonna die without even
knowing what the hell my killer is saying to me.
He pushed his foot harder against her chest and she felt the air seeping from
her lungs. Then she heard Xander scream "No!" and Kung-Fu boy glanced at him.
And then he stopped dead in place. Staring at Xander in his bright pink bunny
suit.
Buffy would have laughed if she had the oxygen to.Instead she used Kung-Fu
boys' dazed state to flip him and change positions. She climbed on his chest
and placed the stake to his heart, "Didn't your mom ever tell you? It's not
nice to stare. Even if he is a naked pink rabbit without a head." And then
with a predatory grin, she dusted him.
She stood up and coughed a couple times to get the air circulating again and
then she reached over and gave Xander a hug. "You are so the man..er..rabbit.
Whatever."
"It's cool, Buff..just doing my job and making the world safe for poor saps
like me who get ambushed by their best friends..."
"Okay, we get it Put-Upon-Boy. You're abused." Cordelia muttered. "Can we
please get out of these woods..leaves are sticking to me and that is
so...ewww."
"Yeah..wouldn't want to have to make you actually wash your clothes yourself,"
Buffy teased with a smile from ear to ear. Then she sighed, "Let's blow the
Bronze tonight and tank it at my place. I got lotsa food..mom stocked up."
Then she smirked at Xander. "And lotsa carrots for the cute little rabbit who
saved my life."
***
"It's not coming off,"Willow finally said, looking up at him and trying hard
not to laugh. She wasn't doing so well.
"Then rip it off. Come on..I gotta get outta this thing!" Xander cried out
desperately. "I mean I got a zipper..you know...but come on...just rip it..who
cares.."
"Don't rip it!" Cordelia yelled, coming into the room with Buffy at her heels.
Buffy was carrying a tray filled with two pints of ice-cream and soda cans.
"Come on..it's a rabbit..it's not alive. It's not even real fur and frankly
it's chaffing my butt."
"You're not wearing clothes under there?" Buffy asked in amazement. And then
she held up her hands, "You know what? Nevermind...I don't actually want to
know the answer to that..it just kinda popped out."
"Well I do. You..are...wearing clothes under there, right?" Cordelia asked.
"Boxers. My jeans wouldn't fit. Now Buffy would you please use your almighty
Slayer powers and rip this damn thing off of me."
"Sounds kinda kinky." Buffy replied, lifting an eyebrow.
"Do I even want to know why you're asking Buffy to rip a pink rabbit suit off
of you?" a soft voice said from Buffy's window. They all turned at once and
Buffy's eyes went wide.
"Angel!" Buffy all but squealed as she propelled herself into his arms. He
grinned as he wrapped his arms around her and accepted her fiery kisses.
"Aw," Willow said excitedly, "Big smoochies."
"Yeah, yeah," Xander growled. "Great. Hello, Buffy..me..bunny
suit..you..Slayer...come on?"
"Oh, she can't." Cordelia told him, staying away from making eye contact with
him.
"Uh, what? When you say she can't..you mean because she's super-glued to Angel
at the moment, right?"
"No, I mean that costume is worth over five hundred dollars. You can't rip it.
You'll have to wait until morning when we can take it into the shop to have it
removed." Cordelia replied.
Xanders' eyes went wide, "Oh no...no no...I am not wearing this...this..rabbit
all night long." He looked at Buffy. "Please..I'm begging you."
She looked at Cordelia and her face contorted as she tried desperately not to
laugh. Unable to stop, she turned back to Angel and pushed her face against
his chest until the giggles subsided. "I can't help you, Xand. Sorry."
"This is wrong."
Angel laughed, "I feel for you, man." Then he shook his head and looked at
Buffy. Softening his voice he murmured, "I just wanted to stop by and see you.
This is your time with them. We'll talk later."
"Are you sure? I mean.."
"I'm sure." He leaned forward and kissed her and then he whispered into her
ear, "I love you." He started to back away and then he leaned forward again
and said, "Don't keep him in that outfit too long..he looks like an idiot."
"I know," she replied wickedly. And then just like that he was gone. She
sighed and turned back to the others. "Lets us..party?"
"Please?" Xander protested again. This time he didn't miss the look that
passed between all of the girls. Oz, of course, looked utterly lost and out of
the loop. Will was wearing a sympathetic look...she'd be his champion.And then
she shook her head and Cordelia and Buffy nodded. They were discreet, subtle
movements but Xander already knew something was up.
"Sorry, Xand." Buffy replied. "Wanna bowl of ice-cream? It's carrot flavored."
"I'm gonna get you for this, Buffy. Gonna get all of you." Xander promised.
then he looked down at himself. "Just as soon as I'm not...pink...anymore."
Cordelia started laughing then and couldn't seem to stop. Buffy and Willow
watched her in amusement knowing full well that the game was up.
"Um, am I missing something?"Oz asked.
That got Willow rolling and Buffy began to cackle. Cordelia crossed over to
Xander and reached down to his leg. He jumped as she moved her hand to his
inner thigh and found the zipper for his crotch. Eyes wide, he tried to say
something but all that came out were sounds of disbelief.
And then she pulled a hidden zipper up and the outfit split in two. "Nice
boxers," she said with a smile.
Buffy nodded, trying to be serious, "Very manly..those...rabbits."
That was all it took for all three of the girls to lose it again. Xander and
Oz exchanged confused looks and then sat on Buffy's bed at the same time. Oz
offered Xander a bowl of ice-cream which he took and then they sat back to
watch. All the while not having a clue about what was going on.
And when they finally managed to calm for a few seconds to catch a breath, it
was Cordelia who moved forward and whispered, "Happy April Fools' Day,
Xander."
- -FIN..........FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!
- -
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 1 Feb 1998 11:46:50 -0500
From: ingrid29@juno.com (Ingrid E Stanton)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: I Will Survive
Alex-
Extremely well done! Expressive writing, unbelievable angst, and (yeah!)
a happy ending!!!!
=) Made me smile!
- -Ingrid
_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]
- -
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 1 Feb 1998 11:50:05 -0500
From: ingrid29@juno.com (Ingrid E Stanton)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Volume 2, #23
Anyone out there who can help-
I got digest number 24, but for some reason i didn't get number 23. Can
anyone forward me a copy? It would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
- -Ingrid
_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]
- -
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 01 Feb 1998 15:15:00 -0500
From: Vapthorne <rorhoad@ibm.net>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Proofreaders needed.
Hi,
I looking for people willing to proofread my upcoming chapters for grammar mistakes. If any are interested, e-mail me off-list. :)
Vapthorne
- ----------
NuRPG: Jasper and Aria
Cardea: Mercury
Author of "Sins of the Mother" -BtVS Fanfic
<color><param>ffff,0000,ffff</param>
</color>Keeper of the following:
Buffy's first day in Sunnydale
Buffy's Vampire form (from Nightmares)
Ethan's broken statue of Janus
*****
"Only in a mad world, are the mad sane." -Akira Kurosawa
- -
------------------------------
End of Buffyfic-digest V2 #25
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