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From: buffyfic-owner@xmission.com (buffyfic Digest)
To: buffyfic-digest@xmission.com
Subject: buffyfic Digest V1 #12
Reply-To: buffyfic@xmission.com
Sender: buffyfic-owner@xmission.com
Errors-To: buffyfic-owner@xmission.com
Precedence:
buffyfic Digest Sunday, August 17 1997 Volume 01 : Number 012
In this issue:
BUFFYFIC: The "Site"
BUFFYFIC: Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer 1/2
BUFFYFIC: Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer 2/2
Re: BUFFYFIC: Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer
BUFFYFIC: MiB: Hellmouth (01/?) by D.Spence
BUFFYFIC: MiB: Hellmouth (Prologue) by D.Spence
See the end of the digest for information on subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 1997 18:25:23 -0400
From: Anya <anya@interlinks.net>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The "Site"
Hello!
This is blatant self promotion for the Slayer's Fanfic Archive, but in
effort to stay ON topic...I wrote it into a story! Enjoy!
*********************************************************************
The "Site"
by Anya (anya@interlinks.net)
Buffy walked into the library whistling softly to herself. Her
backpack slung casually across her left shoulder, and her right arm
swinging jauntily at her side.
"Hey Will, Xander! How come you guys got here so fast?" She
called jovially to her two friends. They jumped, rather guiltily,
from the computer screen they had been glued to.
"Buffy!" Xander smiled widely as he rushed around the table to the
Slayer's side. Draping a friendly arm around her shoulders, he tried
to steer her away from the computer. "How was the slaying last
night?"
Buffy arched one perfect eyebrow at the male Slayerette, and then
turned her head to look at a very flushed Willow. "The Slaying was
fine, but you knew that since you asked just this morning that same
question. And since the dictator frowns upon school-time
homicides, suicides and slaying...I haven't slain anything since last
night." She paused, pinning Willow with a look. "What are you
two trying to hide from me?"
Willow swallowed hard, and faster than Buffy had ever imagined,
her hand darted to the computer monitor and flicked it off. "Uh..up
to? N-n-nothing...really. Quite absolutely nothing...I..we...we were
just..."
"Willow was just showing me how to surf the net." Xander
interjected smoothly.
"Uh huh." Buffy jerked herself free of Xander and marched over to
the computer. Willow rather hastily beat a retreat.
With surprising familiarity, Buffy flicked the monitor back on, and
waited for the screen to clear.
"Fanfiction?" She said, dumbfounded.
The Slayerettes exchanged a glance. "Um yeah."
Buffy ignored them, reading on. "Fanfiction about ME?"
Willow sighed, and reached around Buffy to the keyboard. "No,
Fanfiction about ALL of us. It's the Slayer's Fanfic Archive."
"The WHAT?!"
"The Slayer's Fanfic Archive...it's...a place where people have put
their fanfictions." Willow explained. "There's really a lot of good
fiction on the site...over 100 fictions on it! And some of it's
romantic stuff..y'know..you and Angel.."
"You and Me!" Xander piped up, blatantly ignoring the green color
appearing on Buffy's face. "There's even one that looks like it's a
Willow and Angel..."
Buffy directed a stern look at Willow. "Don't even THINK about
it!"
"Never." The redhead avowed. "Anyway..Xander and I were
thinking about adding our own story!"
Buffy's jaw dropped. "You know, my identity is SUPPOSED to be
secret. If Giles found out...."
"Oh hey..that reminds me...there's one where you get really frisky
with Giles..." Xander volunteered.
Buffy paled, "I don't want to hear these things."
Willow patted her shoulder comfortably. "They're just fictions...they
aren't real. Relax. And no one knows that YOU are real too! So, your
identity is safe!"
Buffy mulled this over silently, absently pulling a stake from under
her short skirt, and toying with it in her fingers. "You're sure?"
"Yup."
"Okay..so how do we submit a fic...and what kind of fic are WE
writing?"
Willow flashed Xander a brilliant victory smile. "It's easy! If
you're on the fanfic mailing list, you can just give the Archivist of
the site, Anya, an okay in the disclaimer...or she'll take
submissions that are emailed to either of her two addresses!" She
bent forward and typed a few keys.
"Look...if you go here http://SlayerFanfic.alz.com/submit.html
...there's more precise directions here!"
Buffy's eyes lit up. "Kewlness. I think we should write a romantic
piece....another Angel and me story!"
Willow grinned, even as Xander frowned in displeasure. Before he
could protest, though, Willow pulled up a chair and sat down. She
seized control of the keyboard and loaded in a text editor. "Okay,
Buffy...let's begin! You dictate, I'll type, and Xander can do his
math homework!"
****************** The End*****************************
Ahem. This story contained actual submission facts for the Slayer's
Fanfic Archive, if anyone was interested! -_^
Cheers!
- -Anya
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 1997 22:16:53 -0700 (PDT)
From: Cagey <cagey@geocities.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer 1/2
Buffy Summers SuperSlayer
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer filk
by Cagey
August 1997
Legalese: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all its characters
and fashion accessories belong to Joss Whedon and various
production companies. Jesus Christ Superstar belongs to
Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice. No copyright
infringement is intended.
For Susan on the occasion of her birthday (which is not
today, but what can you do).
Buffy Summers SuperSlayer: A Filk Opera
Act One
Opening Medley--Slayin On Their Minds, What's the Buzz
Then We Are Decided
The Bronze Trilogy--Everything's Alright, I Don't Know How
to Slay Him, Damned For All Time (and then some)
Act Two
The Last Study Hall
Snyder and Luke
The Master's Song
Could We Start Again, Please?
SuperSlayer
The curtain opens on the library of Sunnydale High School.
The librarian, wearing a ghastly green and white checked
shirt, ponders an ancient text. He removes his spectacles
tiredly and sighs.
GILES:
My mind is clearer now.
At last all too well I can see where we all soon will be.
If you strip away the myth from the town,
You will see where we all soon will be.
In H--
[He is cut off as happy cheery bouncy Sunnydale High School
students pour out from the stacks, singing]
STUDENTS:
What's the buzz? Tell us what's a-happening.
What's the buzz? Tell us what's a-happening.
What's the buzz? Tell us what's a-happening.
[They pause, realizing that they're in a library.
Horrified, and fearing that they might inadvertantly absorb
some knowledge from the books by osmosis, most scramble out
of the library. Only two are left.]
XANDER:
Now I got to cut loose! Footloose! Kick off the Sunday
shoes!
[He stops playing air guitar as Willow pokes him in the side]
WILLOW and XANDER:
What's the buzz? Tell us what's a-happening.
GILES:
Why should you want to know?
You don't care about the future.
You don't try to think ahead.
You 're sights are always set upon tomorrow.
Think about the millenium instead.
XANDER:
Whoa. I *am* ready to be a Jedi, Yoda.
[Giles pauses to stare at the boy blankly before continuing]
GILES:
I could give you signs and portents.
Even give you prophecies and omens.
I could tell you where we're going.
XANDER:
Where we going Mr. Librarian?
Are we going to kick some butt Mr. Librarian?
Where we going Mr. Librarian?
GILES:
Why should you want to know?
Why are you obsessed with fighting--
You know without the Slayer you'd get fried.
If you knew the prophecy I'd been reading,
You'd understand why it's time to hide.
XANDER:
What's going on, why won't you tell me?
WILLOW:
Let me guess, the Master's coming.
Let me guess, let me guess the Master's coming.
GILES:
Willow you're so smart
While he plays air guitar and daydreams
About who and when and where and how
You alone have guessed the problem.
We've got to find the Slayer now!
[The three of them run from the library in search of Buffy]
***
[In the caverns below Sunnydale, a gruesome pair confer.]
LUKE:
We've been sitting in this cave for far too long.
DARLA:
Why let her upset us?
Luke, let her be.
Any imbecile can see,
She really doesn't matter.
[Luke wonders if he's being insulted, but lets the comment
pass]
LUKE:
The Slayer is important,
I've tangled with one before.
And this newest girl is far more
Than a bubble-headed chatterer.
DARLA:
She's just another teenage girl, she couldn't fight a flea.
LUKE:
The difference is those four inch heels,
Those boots sure frighten me!
What about the Master?
When he hears another Slayer's in town,
Do you think he'll stand around,
Cheering and applauding?
What about our other vamps?
If they start to drop like flies,
Don't you think they'll realize,
She's something more forboding?
DARLA:
Then we better do something about her,
Before the Master starts to complain.
Get rid of her now, or we'll suffer the pain.
LUKE:
Then we are decided?
DARLA:
We are decided.
***
[Meanwhile, Xander, Willow, and Giles approach the Bronze]
WILLOW:
Try not to get worried, try not to think about
Problems that upset you.
Don't you know
Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.
Cause Buffy'll save our hides tonight.
Yes she'll save the whole world tonight.
Vamps will die, they will die, so forget all about them
tonight.
XANDER:
Everything's alirght, yes, everything's alright.
GILES:
Willow your good sentiments, happy and cheerful
May prove useless I fear.
Haven't you noticed Buffy? She's hasn't been slaying,
Not since she started seeing HIM here.
Angel, that vampire, Angel, that demon
In clinging leather jeans and oiled-up hair!
XANDER:
Everything's not alright, no, everything's not alright grrrrr.
[In the Bronze, Buffy and Angel sit in opposite corners of
the room, staring at one another.]
BUFFY:
I don't know how to slay him.
What to do, how not to love him.
He can change, yes really change.
Just last night, I saw it for myself,
He seemed like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a vamp. He's just a vamp.
And I've killed so many vamps before,
In very many ways.
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Make him scream and shout?
Should I cause him pain,
Really draw it out?
I never thought it'd come to this.
How will it work out?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, a deadly slayin' tool,
Running every vampire through.
He scares me so.
I never thought it'd come to this.
How will it work out?
ANGEL:
Now if I help her, I cannot let her see
How much she's coming to mean to me.
I've lived a long time without this kind of stew.
I've never fallen for a Slayer like her, it's true.
I musn't ever give her sign that I am torn,
We cannot be together, and she must be warned
She must know I'm
Damned for all time.
I help because I have to; I'm the one who knows
The Master is too close to getting what he wants.
The other vampires also think that this is true.
And they will stop at nothing to be sure that they come
through.
I musn't ever give her sign that I am torn,
We cannot be together, and she must be warned
She must know I'm
Damned for all time.
[Giles, Willow and Xander enter the Bronze]
XANDER:
Cut the goopy faces, forget the heavy breathing.
We've got to get Slaying. Get off the dance floor.
GILES:
We have the prophecies we need to overcome him.
You do the Slaying. We'll cover the door.
BUFFY:
I've got important matters that need sorting.
WILLOW:
There's no time for arguing, the future is grim.
We just need to find vamps so you can zap them.
GILES and XANDER [both glowering]:
Then you can come back here
And gaze at HIM.
***
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 1997 22:19:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: Cagey <cagey@geocities.com>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer 2/2
Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Filk
by Cagey
August 1997
ACT TWO:
In the Sunnydale High School gym, all cast members congregate.
STUDENTS:
Look at all our trials and tribulations
Teachers telling us to use our minds.
Don't disturb us now, we can see the answer
We'll be vampires with no need to do that grind.
VAMPIRES:
We always hoped that you'd become our dinner,
Knew that you'd be happy if we lied.
If you let us bite, you won't have another pimple.
(Acne doesn't bother those who've died).
BUFFY:
Does no one have a working brain cell?
Cordelia? Shannon? Heather?
Do none of you have a working brain cell?
Cordelia? Shannon? Heather?
[Principal Snyder marches forth onto the gym floor, annoyed
to see vampires chomping on his senior class. He
approaches Luke.]
SNYDER:
Who is this juvenile delinquent, cluttering up my hallway?
Who is this reprobate?
VAMPED STUDENT, drooling over Luke's leather pants:
Vampire Luke, he's so cool.
SNYDER:
Oh, so he is cool? I am really quite surprised.
He is so pale,
Looks thick and dull.
We all know that black is in,
But does that make him cool? More than a fool?
LUKE:
Grrrrrrr.
SNYDER:
What do you mean by that?
Is that a threat, you creep?
You're deep in trouble friend.
Report for detention immediately!
[Snyder slaps Luke with a detention slip, the threat of
which causes Luke to disintegrate.]
CHEERLEADERS:
Snyder Snyder Bobyder!
Bananafanafofyder!
Memymomyder!
Snyder!
[The Master descends from a rotating disco ball which has
inexplicably appeared in the gym]
MASTER:
Buffy, I am overjoyed to meet you face to face.
You've been getting quite a name all around the place.
Beating up on vampires, raised from the dead.
And now I understand you're the Slayer,
At least, that's what Giles said.
So, you are the Slayer, you're the great Buffy Slayer.
Prove to me that you can slay; make dear Darla D.O.A.
That's all you need do, then I'll know it's all true.
Come on, Buffy the Slayer.
Buffy, you just won't believe the stir you've made around
here.
You are who we plot against, the enemy of the year.
Oh what a pity that our plans never work.
(Take that Moloch, for example; he was such a jerk!)
So if you are the Slayer, yes the great Buffy Slayer,
Prove to me that you're a winner, save old Flutie before
he's dinner.
If you do that for me, then I'll give you a rating PG.
Come on, Buffy the Slayer.
I only ask what I'd ask any SuperSlayer.
What fashion tips have you got for me down in my lair?
What number is your hair, where do you get those skirts?
How about those boots, my dear, don't they really hurt?
So, if you are the Slayer--
[The Master's solo is tragically cut short when Buffy stabs
him with her four-inch heel.]
BUFFY:
Why *yes*, they do hurt.
[Darla approaches Buffy with a dramatic plea]
DARLA:
I've been dying to kill you.
Dying to chomp you, but it shouldn't be like this.
This was unexpected,
Could you please not kill me?
Could we start again please?
I was very hopeful, until now.
Now for the first time,
I think that I'm in trouble.
How 'bout if we forget this,
Pretend it's a bad dream.
Oh could we start again please?
I think you've made your point now.
You've even gone a bit too far--we've got so much in common.
Angel, for example, used to be my--
[Darla's solo is tragically cut short when Buffy stabs her
with her four-inch heel]
BUFFY:
*Now* I've made my point, I think.
[Angel, Giles, Willow and Xander gather around Buffy]
ANGEL:
Everytime I look at you I don't understand
How you manage to kill vampires with just one handstand.
You couldn't have managed better if you'd had it planned.
And how the heck do you do those backflips and always
managed to land?
If you come to my place we could try it again.
I've got some real cool toys including a jungle gym.
Don't you get me wrong.
Don't you get me wrong.
I only want to be friends.
STUDENTS:
Buffy Summers, Buffy Summers,
Who are you? Who have you slayed today?
Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer,
Do you think you'll see your next birthday?
GILES:
Tell me have you practiced the crossbow and the lance?
I bought you some more garlic cloves and holy water
straight from France.
Have you done your homework? We've got to get some
training in.
Why don't you come to the library and I'll teach you more
Latin.
XANDER:
Don't listen to them Buffy, they're both a bad influence.
Come on over to my place and we'll listen to country music.
Don't you get me wrong.
Don't you get me wrong.
I only want to be friends.
BUFFY:
Buffy Summer, Buffy Summers,
Who are you? Who have you slayed today?
Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer,
Do you think you'll have fun on any day?
WILLOW:
Buffy, forgive them. They don't know what they're saying.
They're guys, they're guys, forget them all.
We'll hang out together and we'll have a ball.
ALL:
Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer,
The future's not so grim after all.
Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer,
Market those boots, you'll make a pile!
[And thus endeth the lesson. The moral of the story is:
boots are more than just keen fashion accessories.]
*end*
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 02:29:11 -0400
From: koch@northnet.org
Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Buffy Summers, SuperSlayer
Okay, that's just plain funny! Which is why I can't stop laughing and I
think I'm about to seriously injure myself doind so. LOL!!!
- --Viashino--
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 17 Aug 1997 18:40:34 -0400 (EDT)
From: dalton.spence@hwcn.org
Subject: BUFFYFIC: MiB: Hellmouth (01/?) by D.Spence
Author's Note: I'm sorry if some of you thought I was spoiling the
movie with my last preface, but since you discover the character's
nature almost as soon as his name, I didn't spoil much.
TITLE: MiB: The Hellmouth Incident
AUTHOR: Dalton S. Spence
EMAIL ADDRESS: <dalton.spence@hwcn.org>
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: This story cannot be sold or used for profit
in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use
only or posted in fanfic archives for general distribution, but
must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
SPOILER WARNING: Occurs after "Prophecy Girl" and IMMEDIATELY after
the movie "Men in Black"
RATING: PG13
CONTENT WARNING: This story depicts scenes of violence and/or their
aftermath. If depictions of this nature disturb you, you may
wish to read something other than this story.
CLASSIFICATION: C - Crossover with "Men in Black"
SUMMARY: Reports of the possible presence of an unregistered time-
space anomaly bring Jay and Elle to Sunnydale, California where
they discover there are things even MiBs find hard to believe.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy, Giles, the Slayerettes and all other characters
who have appeared in the series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole
copyright property of Joss Wheadon, Mutant Enemy, Inc., Kuzui
Enterprises, Sandollar Television, 20th Century Fox Television
and the Warner Brothers Television Network. Jay, Elle, Zed and
all other characters who have appeared in the motion picture
"Men in Black" together with the names, titles and backstory are
the sole copyright property of Columbia Pictures, Amblin
Entertainment, MacDonald/Parkes Productions, and Malibu Comics.
No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this
fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story
itself are the sole property of the author.
MiB: The Hellmouth Incident
a "BtVS/Men in Black" crossover
by Dalton S. Spence <dalton.spence@hwcn.org>
*Part 1*
"Oooff!"
"Sorry, Giles. Are you all right?"
"Nothing a good chiropractor couldn't put right. And don't apologize
for doing what I taught you. If you couldn't take *me* down ..."
"I know, I know, the vamps would have me for lunch. Don't worry,
I've got it covered."
"Worrying is part of my job, Buffy. I'm not likely to stop any time
soon. Anyway, I think that's enough practice for today," Giles said
as he stripped off his protective gear. "Something has come up I
think we should talk about."
"This isn't going to be about Angel again, is it? If it is ..."
Giles sighed and shook his head. "I think I've already made my
feelings on that issue quite clear," he said sadly as he led Buffy
into his office. "If you choose to ignore me, there really isn't a
lot I can do, is there?"
"Right," she said, quickly squelching the slight feeling of guilt
these little confrontations inevitably generated. "So what's the
problem."
"Not a problem, exactly," he answered, sitting down behind his
cluttered desk. "I'd just like your opinion on something." He
opened a drawer and pulled out the tabloid Ms. Calendar had given
him that morning, open to page eight.
Buffy cringed. She had expected this ever since the rumors about the
article started circulating this morning. "I didn't say anything, I
swear!" she protested, "And neither did Willow or Xander."
"I know that. In fact, that's what I told Ms. Calendar when she
showed me the article this morning and Principal Snyder when he came
in here this afternoon demanding an explanation."
"Principal Snyder?!?" Of all the people they *didn't* need knowing
about their little club, he was at the top of the list.
"Oh, they were just the first. Mr. Johnston, Mrs. Edelson and Ms.
Torelli all came by. They were much more polite than the little
dictator, but their question was the same; `What do you know about
the article?' I must say I'm rather disappointed that so many of my
colleagues actually admit to reading such trash."
"Do you think they really know something, or are they just fishing?"
"The latter, I think. Apparently news of my academic credentials
have made the rounds, and thus I've become the resident expert on
strange occurrences. It might even be rather flattering if it wasn't
so blasted inconvenient."
"You know," Buffy mused, "this might not be a totally bad thing. I
mean, we can't be everywhere in Sunnydale all the time, and if
people come to you with reports of weird stuff, we can check it out
and take care of it if we have to." Warming to the idea, she didn't
notice Giles' growing agitation. "You could make it semi-official.
Principal Snyder would probably be very pleased if you volunteered
to look into these matters for him. He might even allow you to
recruit a few students as research assistants, to be rewarded with
academic credit. He would demand it be done discretely, of course,
but at least he would be working with us rather than against us."
"Now just wait one minute!" objected Giles loudly. "My training was
*not* designed to make me into some sort of psychic investigator,
even by proxy. Do you think for one second that he would let me set
up an amateur X-Files without trying to out-Skinner Skinner by
demanding detailed reports every step of the way? Let alone risk his
career by putting students in the line of fire? And that would be
exactly how he'd see it; too many students have died or disappeared
this year for him to take any sort of risk. Even suggesting the idea
to him would be painting big *WATCH US CLOSELY!* signs on our backs.
Particularly after that article."
Seeing Buffy's hurt expression as he torpedoed her idea, he softened
his tone. "Please understand, waiting here passively for people to
bring me tips is one thing; it in no way obligates me to take any
action, provide an explanation or even make a comment. Already we
are under far too much scrutiny; recently I've noticed that certain
conversations tend to halt when I enter the staff room. Frankly, I'm
amazed that your mother hasn't come storming in here demanding an
explanation of our association."
"Uh, well," she said uncomfortably, "she *has* been curious about
why I'm spending so much time here with Xander and Willow. I told
her we were helping you with a research project comparing the study
habits of British and American teenagers. If she knew we were here
alone she would probably freak."
"Well then," a familiar voice sounded from the door, startling them
both, "it's a good thing we both showed up now, isn't it? Just to
preserve the proprieties, you understand." Pleased that he had
managed to surprise them for once, Xander walked in, with Willow
following behind. "I hope we didn't interrupt anything ...
interesting?"
"Just the side effects of the latest triumph of yellow journalism,"
Giles responded dryly, "The orgy is scheduled for next week."
"Remind me to reserve a ticket," chuckled Willow as she wandered
over to the desk. Seeing the tabloid, she sobered. "Are we in
trouble?"
Giles removed his glasses and rubbed eyes. "This morning I would
have said no, but now ... it appears that seeing the story in print
has the effect of reviving suppressed memories. Not that anyone
actually believes them yet, but they are starting to wonder exactly
what *did* happen. What disturbs me most is the timing."
"What do you mean?" asked Xander, puzzled.
"None of the events described here can really be classified as news
... the latest one is well over a month old. Why wait until now?"
"It was probably snail-mailed by the anonymous contributor," said
Willow. "A lot of these things are submitted on spec by respected
professionals who discover things no one else will print. If the
piece is accepted, they use a stock nom-de-plume from the paper's
list of `stringers' to protect the author's identity. Except for
celebrity gossip which has to stay ahead of ET and HARD COPY, none
of these exposes actually has to be current -- in fact, the added
`research' time can increase their credibility."
Xander looked at his friend suspiciously. "And you know this ...
how?" he asked.
"Let's just say my family has a small interest in such things, and
leave it at that. A girl has to have a *few* secrets." Willow smiled
mysteriously.
* * * * *
A few miles outside of Sunnydale, the quiet night was shattered by
an abrupt explosion of sound as a sleek black shape roared down a
deserted road at two-hundred fifty miles per hour. As it approached
the town, the strange machine slowed down, changing shape as it did
so, so that when reached the edge of town it had acquired both the
legal speed limit and the shape of a black 1986 Ford LTD. The driver
turned to his passenger (who was a little green around the gills)
and said, "You know, I hardly ever get to open her up all the way."
Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Elle replied, "Next time
you do, there had better be an Arquillian battle cruiser on our
tail!" When Jay had promised to show her what the red button could
do once they got to California, she had thought he was just stalling
her. Now she understood; there was no way you could let anyone see
what this car could do. "Geez, if we could have driven straight
through we might have been here an hour ago."
"Yeah," laughed Jay, "and I would have had a coronary half way here!
The red button can only be taken in small doses. Maybe a jet jock or
an astronaut could take that kind of speed for ten hours, but I
can't. I'm just a ..."
"... street cop," finished Elle for him. "Yeah, I know. Still, when
you think about it, we *are* astronauts now, aren't we?"
"If want to be technical about it," he shrugged, "I guess a
suborbital flit from New York to L.A. *does* count since we *did*
leave the atmosphere. To me it was just a fast commuter flight."
"Oh, I'm counting it all right. Jay, the next time I call this a
`regular job' remind me of this, will you."
Jay nodded cheerfully. "Okay. Now where is this school we're
supposed to meet our contact at?"
"Let's see." Elle took out her pocket GPS mapbook (which was slated
to hit the market sometime next year) that doubled as a tracking
device for registered alien residents. On the device's LCD screen a
detailed street map of Sunnydale appeared, with their position noted
as a blinking white dot. As Elle keyed in the target's name, a red
line appeared marking the most efficient route between them and the
school.
They were only a few blocks away, and were there in a couple of
minutes. As the turned into the faculty parking lot where they were
to meet their contact, their headlights illuminated a chilling
tableau; a body in a floral print dress was lying on the ground next
to a beat up old Chevy, with a man in a tweed coat bending over her
apparently attempting to help. About ten feet away from them, a
blond teenage girl holding a sharp stick was fighting with a tall
bearded man with long greasy hair and a strangely deformed face.
Just as Jay stopped the car, the fight ended as the tall man leaped
at the girl and disappeared in a cloud of dust. //So much for `a
piece of cake'// thought Elle as they got out of the car.
Ignoring the new arrivals, the girl raced over the man and the
prone woman and asked, "Giles, is she ..."
"She's alive, but just barely," said `Giles', relieved but also a
bit dismayed. "There's something very strange here though."
Elle, realizing that this must be their contact, rushed forward
saying, "Make way, we're doctors!" The two made way instinctively,
and Elle and Jay got their first clear look at the third figure.
When Elle turned to her partner to ask his advice, she was stunned
to see a look of absolute horror on his face. With a barely audible,
"God no! It can't be!" his eyes rolled back in his head and he
keeled over in a dead faint.
- --
+-------------------------------------------------+
| Dalton S. Spence, B.Sc. <dalton.spence@hwcn.org>|
| Home Page: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/home.html |
+-------------------------------------------------+
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 17 Aug 1997 18:40:33 -0400 (EDT)
From: dalton.spence@hwcn.org
Subject: BUFFYFIC: MiB: Hellmouth (Prologue) by D.Spence
Yes, yet ANOTHER xover! I just saw the movie, and couldn't resist.
If you haven't seen it yet, be advised that the Rosenberg who was
murdered in the movie was an alien in disguise, and just could not
*possibly* be related to our Willow (I think).
TITLE: MiB: The Hellmouth Incident
AUTHOR: Dalton S. Spence
EMAIL ADDRESS: <dalton.spence@hwcn.org>
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: This story cannot be sold or used for profit
in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use
only or posted in fanfic archives for general distribution, but
must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
SPOILER WARNING: Occurs after "Prophecy Girl" and IMMEDIATELY after
the movie "Men in Black"
RATING: PG13
CONTENT WARNING: This story depicts scenes of violence and/or their
aftermath. If depictions of this nature disturb you, you may
wish to read something other than this story.
CLASSIFICATION: C - Crossover with "Men in Black"
SUMMARY: Reports of the possible presence of an unregistered time-
space anomaly bring Jay and Elle to Sunnydale, California where
they discover there are things even MiBs find hard to believe.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy, Giles, the Slayerettes and all other characters
who have appeared in the series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole
copyright property of Joss Wheadon, Mutant Enemy, Inc., Kuzui
Enterprises, Sandollar Television, 20th Century Fox Television
and the Warner Brothers Television Network. Jay, Elle, Zed and
all other characters who have appeared in the motion picture
"Men in Black" together with the names, titles and backstory are
the sole copyright property of Columbia Pictures, Amblin
Entertainment, MacDonald/Parkes Productions, and Malibu Comics.
No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this
fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story
itself are the sole property of the author.
MiB: The Hellmouth Incident
a "BtVS/Men in Black" crossover
by Dalton S. Spence <dalton.spence@hwcn.org>
*Prologue*
Even though his job as a school librarian was mostly a cover for his
watcher activities, Rupert Giles prided himself on doing *both* jobs
well. Thus when he wasn't training Buffy to more efficiently destroy
vampires or groping his way through ancient texts researching the
latest prophecy, one could usually find him either in the stacks
sorting and shelving books, or in his office filling out the many
forms that Principal Snyder insisted were essential to the smooth
running of the school. While he rather enjoyed the former (each book
replaced representing a student who actually *read* something), the
latter seemed at times to be a particularly fiendish torment that
had him speculating on his superior's possible demonic antecedents.
It was not surprising that he found himself greeting an interruption
of this task with a certain degree of enthusiasm. Particularly when
the interruption came in the form of the lovely Ms. Calendar. They
had established a rather cordial relationship since the resealing of
the Hellmouth, one that contained subtle hints of developing into
something more. However, his smile quickly faded when he heard her
first ominous words; "Rupert, I think we have a problem." With she
entered his office, shut the door, and dropped what appeared to be a
supermarket tabloid on his desk.
He picked it up gingerly. *MAN AWAKENS FROM THIRTY YEAR COMA!!*
shouted the headline. "Someone you know?" he asked, confused.
"Check page eight," she said, obviously perturbed, "bottom of the
page."
Giles hesitantly turned to the page, and immediately saw the article
that had her so upset.
*VAMPIRE KILLINGS ROCK CALIFORNIA TOWN*
//Is Sunnydale the Mouth of Hell?//
"The small town of Sunnydale, California was shocked this
spring by the unexplained deaths of several high school
students from extreme blood loss. According to witnesses,
the first death was discovered when the body of student fell
out of a locker, drained of blood with two puncture wounds
on his neck. Later that week, a school dance being held at a
local night spot was invaded by vampires who murdered the
bouncer and two students by biting them on the neck. They
were driven off by an unknown teenage girl who distracted
them with acrobatics and martial arts moves until she could
get close enough stab them with wooden stakes. Upon being
impaled, the alleged vampires dissolved into dust.
The local police have suggested that these deaths, as well
as several other mysterious deaths and disappearances that
occurred later, may but the work of a cult that uses airborn
drugs to cause vivid hallucinations. This town, once known
to the Spanish as `Boca Del Infierno' or the Mouth of Hell,
has thoughout its history been a place where strange and
horrific things happen, but 1997 has seen a tremendous
upsurge in paranormal activity."
The article went on to describe in amazing detail the deaths of
Principal Flutie and Dr. Gregory, the `accidents' suffered by the
cheerleading squad, and the `disappearance' and revenge of Marcie
Ross. About the only thing that reporter *hadn't* discovered was
the role of Buffy and the team in all these incidents. He'd even
tracked the disruption Moloch had caused on the Internet to C.R.D.,
but blamed that and the murders on a government conspiracy.
"Well, what do you think?" asked Ms. Calendar after Giles had chance
to read the article twice. "Has someone been talking? Should we be
worried?"
"No to both questions, I think," he answered after considering it
for a moment. "Most of the information here is a matter of public
record, and the rest is logical speculation given the premise that
such things are possible. Besides, no one ever takes these things
seriously anyway."
* * * * *
*Meyer's Delicatessen, New York City*
"You know," said Elle as she had another bite of her blintz, "I
can't get over how much like a regular job this is."
"It *IS* a regular job!" protested Jay, "We get full medical and
dental coverage, three weeks paid vacation a year, and use of the
company car. Only thing is, since we don't officially exist, we
don't pay taxes."
"But what about..."
"The clientele? Sure, they can seem a little weird at first, but
it's really just a matter of perspective. Underneath all the
differences they're just people, like you and me."
Just then his cell phone rang. "Excuse me," he said and answered it.
"Yes sir? Yes, I saw it, page eight. I didn't think it had anything
to do with us."
"Ordinarily, you would be right," the voice on the other end of the
line said. "but a couple of residents in the area are concerned.
They're afraid they'll get bit and blow their cover. Poke around and
make sure there's nothing to it. And while your there, check out
this Hellmouth thing. A T-S survey of the area registered a definite
anomaly, and the last thing we need is a spacial rift that close to
Vandenberg. No hurry, though. Finish your lunch first." <Click>
While Jay had been talking to Zed, Elle had been leafing through the
"hotsheet" to see where they were going next. "Wait, let me guess
... Passaic, right?"
Jay shook his head. "Try California," he said, taking a bite of his
corned beef on rye.
Elle looked at the page again, and her jaw dropped (only for a
moment though, she *was* learning). "Vampires?!? What has that got
to do with the price of glorp on Alpha Centauri?"
"Nothing. It was fixed the last I heard," he deadpanned. Seeing his
partner's annoyance, he relented. "Look, all I know is that we have
a couple of clients scared they'll give a bloodsucker indigestion,
and a time-space anomaly to investigate. Shouldn't take more than a
day, two tops. Piece of cake. Which reminds me ... waiter!"
Knowing she wouldn't get any more out Jay until he was ready, Elle
went back to reading the article. It was surprisingly well written,
with more names and dates than usually found in such a piece. This
was a good indication that the writer had made sure of his facts,
since the smaller tabloids were becoming allergic to getting sued.
Of course there was great deal of gratuitous speculation, but that
was to be expected. She checked the byline to see if she knew the
author, but it turned out to be the pseudonym the paper used for its
anonymous contributors.
She laughed at his conclusion that Marcie Ross's disappearance was
an alien abduction just because the alleged FBI agents investigating
it wore dark suits; the MiB certainly had no exclusive copyright on
"sanctioned attire" (a fact that peeved Zed greatly). If there had
been operatives already in the area, Zed woundn't have called them
in. Unfortunately, almost every black ops unit in the world used the
suits for the same reason they did -- to reduce witness credibility.
Being a modern myth had its advantanges, but there was a down side;
you got blamed for everything. Too bad the world wasn't ready for
the truth yet. It would be nice to get some credit for once.
"Ahem!" Elle looked up to see Jay had finished his dessert and was
watching her expectantly. //Oh yes, that's right. It's my turn to
pay, isn't it. No one can say that Jay isn't liberated about these
things.// With an inward sigh, she motioned to the waiter and asked
for the check.
To her surprise their waiter, a stout white man apparently in his
fifties, refused to take her money. "Please," he said with a smile,
"for you, everything is on the house, forever!" Looking around to
see that no one was watching, he pulled an alien residence card out
of his sleeve, which contained a holographic likeness of his true
unearthly appearence. "The Baltan, Rosenberg, was my friend," he
explained quietly, "and you, who avenged him, are welcome here
always as my guest." Without another word he replaced the card and
walked away.
"You knew!" she said as she followed Jay out to the car, a black '86
Ford LTD with some very special modifications, "You knew what was
going to happen in there."
Jay admitted as much as he got behind the wheel. "You looked like
you were in need of some professional appreciation. Lord knows we
don't get a lot of it in this job."
"What I don't get is how he recognized me, or even knew about what I
did. I mean, *I* wouldn't even know who Rosenberg was if you hadn't
told me." When Elle had joined the Black, Jay had gone against
company policy and told her about their first meeting (the one that
Kay had erased from her memory) so she knew who the waiter had been
referring to.
Jay just handed her the paper again. "You've got to learn to read
between the lines. Put on your shades and check it out." She did so,
and watched as the headline changed from *MAN AWAKENS FROM THIRTY
YEAR COMA!!* to *VETERAN MiB RETIRES AFTER DISTINGUISHED CAREER!*
Kay's picture remained the same, but the article inside, which
before had described his disappearance and the cover story that had
been cooked up to explain it, now related the highlights of Kay's
career with the Black, including details of his final mission which
had resulted in Elle's recruitment. There were file pictures of her
and Jay too, with a caption declaring them "MiBs of the Month".
"Are they all like that?" she asked, thinking she had finally found
the secret of the hotsheets.
Jay shook his head. "Sorry. The main distributor for this and
several other major tabloids is a client, and he lets us overprint
one issue a month with a special ink that the optics used by most of
our clients can see. *We* have to use shades, which we supply to our
other clients for a small fee. It's our way of keeping in touch."
//Oh well, so much for that idea.// "So, are we going to drive to
California or what?"
Jay smiled. "Remember the red button I told you not to touch ..."
* * * * *
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The "secret newspaper" idea is completely mine.
- --
+-------------------------------------------------+
| Dalton S. Spence, B.Sc. <dalton.spence@hwcn.org>|
| Home Page: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/home.html |
+-------------------------------------------------+
------------------------------
End of buffyfic Digest V1 #12
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